Signs You are Simply Being Used by Your Partner

Signs You are Simply Being Used by Your Partner

Your love is precious and not supposed for everyone. You need to be selective about who you fall for. Not everyone deserves it. There are a few really insensitive individuals who really do not care about other peoples’ feelings. Your feelings deserve respect. No one must be able to play with your feelings whenever they wish to.

You simply need to know how to avoid such sort of people and prevent all the pain or heartache.

Through this blog, Delhi’s Top Relationship Expert and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about some signs that indicate you are being used by your partner.

He Talks Only When the Day Finishes

He never calls or texts you throughout the day.  He does not wish to know how your day was. You would not have a trace of him/her in the entire day. You are his last resort prior to going to bed. He calls only when they know there is no one else he could play with. You are not allowed to call him whenever you want to but only when he calls you should answer. This should raise suspicions, shouldn’t it?

He is a Bit Too Generous with the Compliments

Now who does not want to feel good about themselves? All of you crave to listen to your partners complimenting you. It makes you feel very desirable and confident. However, beware if he feels a bit too much and comes up the entire time. This is a sure-shot way to understand that his intentions are not that great. He simply plays on you, to get the best out of you. It’s his way of distracting you from what his true intentions are.

You Were Never Introduced to His Friends

You will always remain a secret. If you really love each other, you will want to meet those people who know your partner the best. You will wish to get involved in a deeper way. If you have not ever met his friends, this means you are not important enough. It means you will never be ‘the one’, but will only remain a side option.

He Does Not Wish to be Seen in Public with You

He will make excuses to hide away from public appearances with you. He will make it a point to meet you at places that are almost deserted or within the confines of a four-walled room only. If they are really into you, wouldn’t he want to be with you wherever you wanted to? Would he be so secretive about you? You all know what dating inside a closed room ultimately leads to. If his idea of dates is confined to a room only all he needs is the physical body and nothing else.

He Will Never Reveal About Him

He is quite secretive about his lifestyle. He seldom shares his childhood stories or important events of his life with you. Do you even know anything beyond basic things about him? He is normally vague about his whereabouts. You never truly know where he is and what he is doing at any given point in time during the day. By keeping his personal details all to himself, he gives you a sign that he does not wish to make you an important part of his life. You will soon be ghosted or left wondering about why he chose to leave you.

He Checks Out on Other Women

A man who is truly into you will never wish to have his eyes for other women. If you see him constantly looking out at any random woman who passes by, if he then says you about what he likes about her, compares you; this man is not worthy. If he tells you that he likes you but he is repeatedly in the habit of bird watching straight in front of you; be aware that he can do a lot more behind your back.

Being used always hurts and if you wish to save yourself from all the heartache, move out of this so-called relationship as soon as you can whenever you spot these signs.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Signs You Are in a Relationship Which is Based on Inequality

If you love English Songs, then there is a possibility that you may have heard the song “Issues” by Julia Michael. The lines say I’m jealous, I’m overzealous. When I m down, I get really down.

The song may be quite popular, but one thing that song describes a relationship that is solely dependent on power, and control rather than equality and respect.

But what is the meaning to have an equal relationship? Counselor Shivani says equality in a relationship means that each partner’s interests and desires are respected and met to a reasonable degree as opposed to simply one partner’s needs dominating the relationship. Inequality in a relationship points to an imbalance of power between partners. In an unhealthy relationship one partner practices power and control over the other. If your partner’s needs dominate the relationship without any consideration for your own then that relationship is unequal.

Sounds easy enough. Still, some of the most common relationship issues stem from inequality within the relationship. Think about it. Do you always have to do the house chores? Are you supposed to pay for every meal in order to earn your partner’s affection? If unintentional, these behaviors do not strictly mean your partner is abusive, it simply means your relationship is unequal. Left unchecked, inequality in a relationship can make way to resentment and other controlling tactics over a period of time.

To make certain no one gets the short end of the stick, in this blog Top Delhi based Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo put together a list of relationship red flags that will assist you to determine whether your special one is giving (or not getting) their fair share in the relationship.

They Make All the Decisions

We are all for asserting your needs in a relationship since in some cases, like when you are feeling sick, your needs must come first. However, you likely will not be the only one deciding where you and your loved one will go out for dinner every week. Healthy relationships are formed on mutual respect and working toward the needs of both partners. If you are not certain whether you are dominating the decision making in your relationship, ask yourself the following questions:

·       Do I/ (does my partner) always decide what we will do during the weekend?

·       Do I/ (does my partner) decide which friends we will hang out with and not give a second thought to my (their) preferences?

·       Do I/ (does my partner) always decide when physical pleasure happens?

·       Do I/ (does my partner) decide who will do the home-based chores?

If you said yes to the questions, then it could be time to begin a conversation with your partner about the inequality in your relationship. A good way to teach yourself or your partner to split the decision-making in your relationship is with a D.I.Y. assignment. D.I.Y. projects can become a top exercise in compromise if you and your partner approach the project mindfully. Not only do you get to learn more about your significant other in a relaxed manner but you can make it an attempt to make decisions together.

One of the Partner is Expected to Every Time

In an equal relationship, both partners must be willing to split or alternate the cost of an outing or dates. It’s completely fine if one partner insists on paying for the majority of the things, however, they must not feel that this is to be expected of them in an attempt to earn your affection. If your partner is uncomfortable paying for every outing and you continue to expect them too then it is time for you to re-assess your behavior.

One of the Partner Always Refuses to Compromise When You Disagree

It’s completely acceptable to disagree at times and is not automatically a sign that you are not right for each other. The critical thing here is to work towards a solution that is acceptable to both partners. To do it, each partner needs to be willing to make compromises, rather than competing with the other partner’s needs. There will be moments that you both have to agree to disagree. Making some compromises and knowing that it is fine to disagree (respectfully), will contribute to a more balanced relationship where both partners are at ease. The next time you and your partner disagree and your partner refuses for any compromise, let them know how it makes you feel. The main thing is no one’s opinion is more essential than the other and if your partner continues this unhealthy pattern, it may be time to think of leaving the relationship.

One Partner Always Has the Last Word

In an equal relationship, when conflict happens each partner must feel the freedom to express themselves without feeling afraid or dominated by the other. Rather than shutting your partner down when they are voicing their opinion, take it as an opportunity to get to know your partner better. The aim is not to win an argument, but to gain a mutual understanding of the problem you are both facing. And if you believe that you cannot disagree with your partner without facing severe criticism or fear of being met with an angry outcome then it might be time to walk away from the relationship.

Healthy Relationship is Deserved by Everyone

Equality never means uniformity, rather it means that you both provide each other the freedom to be who you are, while you grow together. Ultimately, you and your significant other will have to define what “equality” will appear like for your relationship.  So, it is essential that each of you feel the freedom to communicate daily about the balance in your relationship.  Understanding the difference between a relationship formed on mutual respect vs control, and learning more about how to form equality in a relationship will assist you and your partner build a healthier relationship together.  And, if you feel that your partner has got some “issues”, it is best you let them know about those. After all, you deserve to be in a healthy relationship that lets you express yourself freely.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Signs That Foretell That a Person Is of Negative Mindset

Lack of confidence, gloom and doom, distrust, and anxiety are toxic doses. You perhaps wonder how one person can survive with all those inside them. Yet, these negative people exist all around us and are at times impossible to avoid.

It is not to say that you will never ever have moments of despair, anxiety, and discouragement. But as a positive person, you never let these thoughts take control of your life. You live the 4 to 1 ratio. You generate four positive thoughts for each negative one, to keep situations from getting out of control.

Below, in this article from Top Delhi-based Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo you will find some signs of negative people, and see what makes them tick. You will discover why several people are unaware of their negativity and how it is hampering their lives, and everyone else’s. These warning signs will also prepare you to be on the alert so that you can avoid falling into the trap of negativity.

They Always Worry

Negative people always survive on worry, a very unhealthy diet. This mindset is programmed towards the need to feel safe and protected and aware to an extreme degree. Practicing mindfulness and living in the present are great ways to defeat worry.

They Live in the Default Position

There is a neurological explanation as to why some individuals end up being so negative. It has to do with the part of their brain called the amygdala, which functions like an alarm and is continuously on the lookout for danger, fear, and unpleasant news. Scientists feel this to be the brain’s default position. In evolutionary terms, it is understandable; it is entirely part of the fear-flight mechanism in which the brain uses most of its neurons to keep up with all the unpleasant news that is stored in the memory.

Positive people form an ability to evaluate and stand up to problems that can counteract this mechanism.

They Try to Tell You What to Do

When people begin to tell you what you must do with your life, what property to buy or whether you must change your job, you can be certain they are in the negative squad. They do not realize it but this is a certain sign that they have not sorted out their own life problems. It is a lot simpler to tell everyone else how to live their lives.

They Love Secrecy

If you meet a negative person at a gathering, you could find the conversation rather tedious. Fearful of revealing too much information related to themselves, they live in fear that doing so might be used against them in some way. They rarely think that what they might share could be used in a positive manner too.

If you find yourself or someone else becoming defensive and closed during a conversation, think about possible reasons why.

They Cannot Restrict Their Exposure to Bad News

Negative persons love coming into your cubicle and saying things such as, “have you heard the terrible news about….”, post which they fill you in on all the gory details. The tragedy is that overexposure to negative news impacts a person more deeply than was previously thought. Some studies have shown that media exposure to violence, death, and tragedy adds to depression and anxiety, as well as to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It colors a negative individual’s outlook on life.

That is why you must restrict the amount of news you watch on television or read in newspapers. Difficult? Probably. But important if you are to remain positive.

They Complain a Lot

Negative people seem to whine a lot, convinced that the entire world is against them. They are generally the victim of lousy weather, a problematic boss, ill-luck, and their upbringing. They rarely step back to look at other reasons – like the lack of energy, creativity, or plain hard work.

The Like to Live in Their Comfort Zone

Leaving the familiar world is anathema to those people who are negative. They cannot face the possibility of extra fear, discomfort, hurdles, challenges, or failure. They are thus never really able to try out new experiences and are destined to dwell in their dull and dreary comfort zone.

They Love to Use the Word “But”

A negative person could say something positive or even compliment you on your great talent. They may be happy to find themselves on the beach or in a shopping mall. The only issue is they finish their remarks with the ‘but’ word, turning the positive manner into a negative. You get remarks such as “It looks like a great restaurant but I wonder why you did not book a table outside” or “It is a lovely beach but there are always too crowded.”

They Mostly Miss Out on the Good Things in Life

A negative individual will hardly recognize joy, passion, satisfaction, and excitement. These are not emotions or sensations that they daily experience.

Definitely, this is hardly surprising when considering these individuals are fixated on their unsatisfying professional life, relationships, and social status.

They are Like Energy Vampires

Apart from being demanding, negative people drain out all your energy, simply like a vampire. They are just incapable of generating any positive energy and will absorb all your attention, time, and energy as they move forward to drag you down the negativity spiral.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Six Ways for Couples to Stay Connected After Having a Baby

The excitement of a newborn’s arrival can also have unforeseen consequences for a couple. As well as paying attention entirely to their little bundle of joy, let us not forget about sleepless nights, endless chores, and upheaval of grand proportions. A longer Sunday morning sleep-in or impromptu date night out as a couple? Forget those.

Counselor Shivani says it is hardly surprising several couples site, the months after their newborn’s arrival as when disharmony sets in. Take for example a working couple, until their baby arrived, they juggled successful careers with a lively social life. Six to seven months after the baby’s birth the wife complains they spent more time arguing over who does what than enjoying each other’s company nowadays. She no longer felt like a wife and partner but a toiler.

If it rings a bell it does not have to be in this manner. You can enjoy your baby and a good relationship at the same time too. Equip yourself with awareness besides these six simple ways shared in this blog by Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counselor and Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo that talks exclusively to survive the days and stay connected with your special one post when your baby is born.

Teamwork is the Mantra

Being good and ideal parents to your baby are the most vital job you will ever do. However, you will do it well, as a team; it is time to agree to end pulling apart. Sit down and discuss what each of you does best when it comes to all the demands you have now. The idea is to be super-positive with each other related to the jobs you each do well.

Resist begrudging your spouse praise for what they have a natural ability for such as he has a knack for putting the baby down.

Be generous with appreciation and compliments and tell your loved one how much you value their efforts.

With both of you knowing what is expected and helping each other, it will form a team spirit.

Avoid Baby Talk

It is very important to establish a time for you solely as a couple. Several couples become so baby-centric that they start to lose some of their relationships. Even if the only time you have is sharing a meal together, completely ban or avoid talking about your baby during this time. If the baby has been unwell you need to inform your partner, and they will want to listen to any little baby news. But once you have had a bit of baby talk it must be about you and grown-up things.

Ask each other how you are and discuss how your partner’s day was. Talk about both your interests like the book you have bought, saving for a vacation, that concert evening you would like to go to and so on that excites you as a couple.

Couple’s Play

Simply as you have playtime with your baby where you shake or move their toy in front of them or show them some musical toys, simply you too as a couple need to get out and play.  Even when you can only get child care once every couple of weeks or month, do it.

Early on it is good to get your baby accustomed to being left with someone familiar or trusted. If you can leave the baby with the grandparents. This is your time to relax without worrying about the baby is going to interrupt your dinner or movie. The golden rule is to do what you both want to, so if you are too tired to go out then have a candlelight dinner at home or watch a movie together.  It is entirely about your uninterrupted time together.

Alter Your Expectations

Pre-baby days you may have fantasized you would be as happy as you can, keep a beautiful home and have some physical intimacy thrown during every weekend. When reality sets in certain parents hang on to those unrealistic expectations. Re-analyze things and prioritize. If it allows you more time together and more fun playtime with the baby do not worry about things being less tidy.

Ask and You May Get

With complete good intentions mother and father can sometimes slip up or be thoughtless without being too. He does not compliment you when you have finally got a new hairstyle, he brings over an office friend without notice or so on. Such things could be the last straw when you have been up with the baby the entire night.

This is simply about asking. Ask your partner to let you know beforehand whenever possible if they want to bring someone back. Ask your partner how your hair seems. Never keep silent and stew over these things when you have so much on your platter as a young couple and family.

Affection, Show it More

It is very critical to keep affection going post-birth even if full physical intimacy is off the menu for a time. Oxytocin, a bonding hormone is released through cuddle, kissing, hand holding and hugs too.

When you stop being physically in contact as you feel so tired and frustrated it can be difficult to regenerate; in simple words, ‘use it or lose it’.

Some women can get ‘cuddle-fatigue’ post-birth having nursed, cuddled, and carried around their baby the entire day. If your partner looks over-keen for cuddles let them know that a little could go a long way. When it comes to enjoying complete physical intimacy again take it slowly and make sure there has been some romance first.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Your Love Language, How You Can Express Affection?

One of the major reasons that couples come to counseling is either one or both partners feeling unloved.

Marriage Counselor Shivani says lots of people, specifically those who have been with their partners for a long time and have been doing things the similar way for a while coming for help as they feel their partner never expresses love, appreciation, or affection and, as a result, they do not feel wanted or cared for.

But mostly, the problem is quite much to do with how affection is being expressed as anything else.

Everyone has a different method of showing someone that he/she cares about them. This may be called your ‘love language.

This blog by India’s top Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares how you can express affection to your special one.

The Common 5 Love Languages

Counselor Shivani says the main ‘love languages’ people often use are:

  • Giving Gifts. This may include buying even flowers or chocolates. Physical items intended to please your partner and show you have been thinking about them.
  • Carrying Out Kind Acts. This might be something such as cleaning the home for your partner or picking up the shopping. Small (or big!) gestures to make your partner happy.
  • Spending Quality Time Together. This may be putting aside a full evening to spend in each other’s company so you can actually reconnect.
  • Physical Touch. This might be walking or sitting alone holding hands, giving hugs, receiving a neck or shoulder massage. Sensual gestures to make your partner feel physically closer together.
  • Saying Good Things to Each Other. This may include paying compliments such as your hair looks nice’, ‘I really like you in that dress’, ‘you are a really very talented or simple affirmation of how you feel about each other. 

Majorly people have just one or two mains ‘love languages’ that they usually speak – through which they express affection and that they mostly appreciate and understand when ‘spoken’ to them.

So, if someone feels that spending quality time with each other is the most natural way of expressing and forming affection may really appreciate it if their partner plans aside an evening for them to go on a date or have dinner. Or somebody who feels close to their partner when being touched physically may really enjoy a light massage at home.

Likewise, one usually has one or two methods of expressing the affection that does not mean all that much to you – probably receiving gifts does not really do it for you, or you can go a little extra without dedicated quality time. 

Where Do You Learn Your ‘Love Language’?

How one expresses affection is mostly hugely influenced by what you learnt growing up. If your family liked spending plenty of quality time together, for example, you may value the same things in your partner. If there was an embarrassment at expressing feelings verbally or physically, this could continue into adulthood. But there are no real hard and fast formulas or rules, you may make a choice to do things differently in your adult relationships. In the end, you express affection the way you do because that is what makes the most sense to you.

When You Speak Different Languages

If you and your significant other are speaking different ‘love languages’ without realizing it, that is when there can be room for miscommunication besides dissatisfaction.

You may both end up feeling like the other one doesn’t say or do anything to show they truly care and may end up thinking whether they care at all.

For example, if someone really values kind acts, but their partner’s methods of expressing love are, say, buying gifts, they might feel like they are not having their needs or desires met. Similarly, their partner could feel the bunch of flowers they bought was a really nice gesture of showing they care, but was put out by their spouse’s underwhelmed reaction.

Over time, this sort of miscommunication may really drive a wedge in a relationship. Both partners may begin to feel they are doing all they can, but that it is still not sufficient to make each other happy and content. As a result, they can begin to feel bitter and resentful.  

How Can You Address This?

For a relationship to be healthy you both the partners need to understand each other’s needs.  

You and your partner probably need to explore how you both feel most comfortable expressing and receiving affection. If you think you may find this conversation difficult, you may like to think about the following:

  • Give It Time and Space. Never try to talk when one of you is busy, exhausted, or getting ready to go out. Set aside a time when you will be able to talk uninterrupted. It can also be a wise idea to choose nice, comfortable surroundings, in the living room with a cup of tea, for example.
  • Focus on Feelings. You probably like to use lots of ‘I’ while you speak ‘I sometimes feel’, ‘I do not always know how to” instead of ‘you’ language: ‘You mostly make me feel’, ‘You never seem to”. That way, you are taking responsibility for your emotions and your significant other is less likely to feel like they are being blamed for things.
  • Start on a Positive. At times, it can help to start by focussing on what you like about the relationship: ‘I love that we can rely on each other for the big stuff, but I was thinking we could talk about some day-to-day stuff. This can get things off to a more positive beginning and help your partner understand you are not simply trying to get at them.

For plenty of couples, discovering that they and their spouse are speaking different love languages is a real lightbulb moment. They could have been feeling poles apart, but suddenly realize they do love each other. It is just that the messages have not been getting through.

How We Can Help

If you think you and your partner could do with seeking help, talking about any of the above, Relationship Counselling at Saarthi Counselling Services can be a great way for having conversations that you may otherwise find difficult.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Do You Find It Difficult to Approach Your Partner After a Fight? Marriage Counselor Shivani Sadhoo Reveals How to Break the Silence Post a Fight with Your Partner

While being in a relationship and never having a fight with your partner is virtually impossible. Constructive criticism or healthy arguments or fights help couples to sort out their problems and voice their pent-up emotions, thereby addressing those issues that can otherwise create havoc in a couple’s life. However, plenty of things depend on how a couple behaves post a fight and, specifically, how they break the awkward silence post their heated arguments.

So, here are a few tips being shared by Delhi’s top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo to start a conversation with your partner after a fight.

Send a Romantic Text

Well thanks to the technology, there are several ways to start a conversation these days. Specifically, if you are feeling too awkward to come face to face or talk with your spouse after a fight, you can always take the assistance of your phone to send him or her a sweet and romantic message. You can write about how much this relationship and your partner mean to you. But do not react or get angry if you do not get a response immediately to your message. Be happy that you made an effort to break the ice and that is really praiseworthy.

Give a Call

The next step post sending a message is to look for your phone and call your spouse, irrespective of whether he or she has responded to your message or not. The best manner to start the conversation is by exchanging pleasantries, although it will not be so easy to do that post an awkward silence following the fight. However, you must avoid playing the blame game as it will only aggravate the situation more.

Apologize

No matter how serious a fight could be, an apology can do magic to repair the damage it may have caused to your relationship. It is always wise to stand up to your mistakes and saying sorry is the best method to start a conversation with your partner. Remember, merely apologizing is not sufficient if you do not mean it. It would be a nice gesture if you could furnish the apology with a token of love, may a gift or chocolates and even a handwritten note can brighten up your partner’s mood after that ugly fight.

Plan an Outing

You all must have felt at times how your environment is saturated by your emotions, for instance, post a fight it is not surprising to feel as if the whole horizon is filled with negativity. It is quite normal. So, a change in the scene could be helpful if you wish to initiate talks after a lovers’ tiff. How about planning a date or dinner at your favorite eating joint?

The Tried and Tested Way of Starting Afresh the Next Day

At times, perhaps doing things the traditional way could be a big transformation. You can try sorting the differences by using some old tricks. How about starting afresh the next day? Treat a new day as a fresh start and approach it as you would otherwise do when you do not fight with your spouse. Maybe, prepare your beloved’s favorite dish for breakfast and kick start the day with a warm and hearty good morning.

Take Help

The silence between partners is more damaging than fights. Sometimes, couples build such impregnable walls between them that it becomes literally impossible to get over those to offer the olive branch to your partner. Under such situations, it is always wise to take help from a reliable and trustworthy person or a professional counselor if these things are repeated patterns. To break the ice or, in this case, the stubborn wall of silence. Taking the help of a marriage counselor can also help couples address their issues and encourage them to talk about problems that they otherwise keep under the carpet.

The Two Fs

Perhaps the best one and is mostly done by couples who have really long relationships. This is the best mantra for a successful reconciliation post a fight—forgive and forget i.e., the two Fs. If you wish to pick up the threads of a relationship post a quarrel with your spouse, first you need to learn to forgive and forget. And only when you do that, you can help each other to get past your differences and bolster the relationship. Also, it becomes easy to talk to a partner when you have forgiven him or her, right? But you should also remember to forgive yourself because sometimes you are so engulfed in self-guilt and pity post a fight that it becomes next to impossible to pour your heart out after that incident.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Tricky Relationship Signs, that Subtly Indicates One Must Run

Some couples break up for the most trivial things, while others continue fighting for their relationships not noticing that the entire energy they are consuming is actually going to waste. Well, neither of those is correct because the first is a misjudgment of their partner while the other one tends to create toxic tension. The true secret lies in the fact that there are certain mistakes that are forgivable, and others that are quite difficult to let pass simply like that.

While most of you might think that major break-up reasons might be normally, obvious and easy to spot, the reality is that they actually are not. Yes, some circumstances or characteristics could be so subtle that you would not even notice the fact that they are alarming bells for you to pay attention to.

This blog by Delhi’s Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about some unclear and tricky signs of a relationship that can act as an alarm for you. Here, they are.

Your Partner is Unbelievably Charming and there is Nothing Wrong with them

Excessive charm is generally not good for your relationship’s health. Charm seems to hide bigger issues behind an individual’s personality especially when it is constant or excessive. Yes, it feels good in the beginning, but it is also a big red flag that must get you asking yourself, “Then what are your flaws?”. Even in stories, when a girl meets the flawless man of her dreams, he most probably turns out to be some shady character in the end. You are not being asked to look for the drama, but the effort is to draw your attention towards the fact that too much concealing of a person’s natural and spontaneous traits can lead to big shocks in the end. It is either they are hiding certain things behind this constant sweetness, or they are lying about something. If not any amongst those, then also run because sooner or later, he/she is probably going to get bored of the charming role they are playing and will mistreat you as you had never imagined.

You Quit Fighting

It’s quite common that fighting a lot is one of the big break-up reasons. What might be misunderstood, is that not fighting or arguing at all is a good sign. No, no one is telling you to be a drama queen. Healthy relationships always consist of healthy discussions and arguments. It is a normal phenomenon that indicates how two individuals are always in search of common ground to meet on. When one stops mentioning what may annoy you in a relationship, you may think that you have become more mature. However, it is a sign that you no longer look for solutions, but rather care less about the entire thing. If this happens a lot, it will eventually lead you to stop caring completely, and therefore, you must consider a break-up. This is by time, you’d have reached your complete capacity and would lose interest in your relationship.

You are on Your Partner’s Waiting List of Priorities

It will not be stated clearly. It would be indicated in actions. No matter how much you are told you are important to your partner, you would find him/her always acting otherwise. Work, family, friends always take priority over you. A person who keeps you as an option will tend to make you feel guilty and inconsiderate of his/her busy schedule. This is, definitely, ladies and gentlemen, the art of turning tables. A partner who is not as caring as he/she should be would focus on blaming you rather than trying to make things up to you. Occasionally, you would find him/her forgetting about important events/dates or missing out on gatherings they know are important to you.

You are Emotionally Abused

Wait! Do not skip this part. One may skip this point thinking “of course he/she doesn’t abuse me!”. Well, take some time to understand what emotional abuse is. It is when a partner makes you feel bad about yourself by shaking your self-esteem, comparing you with others, practicing extreme control over your every decision of yours, or is manipulating you in every possible manner. Abuse also comes in a very common way which is misdirected anger. A good difference between an abusive partner and a loving one is that the first will mistreat you after a long tiring day at work while the latter will tell you how much they want to escape with you from all the stresses of daily. If you feel any of the above things about an abusive relationship, you must consider a break-up, or else you may lose yourself in a really hurtful experience.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Is Your Partner or You an Over- Communicator? Things You Need to Consider Says Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Anything in excess or over is always harmful. As a relationship counselor and couples therapist, one works with their clients on improving their communication. Sometimes it has been found that one or both partners get into patterns of over-communicating, where they are sharing their entire feelings and thoughts about themselves and their partner. Telling your spouse everything you think, feel, and need is not necessarily a healthy communication form. Your partner might feel unable to meet your demands and it could seem to them that you are making them accountable for your own reactions and behavior. You could feel like you are having the same conversations, going over similar arguments with no resolution. Your partner might get emotionally drained by all your communication and begin to withdraw or go silent. This might leave you feeling ignored or rejected, and as a result, you may chase your partner even more vigorously with your communication, which makes things worse.

In this blog, Delhi’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says if you are an over-communicator, what can you do to get your needs fulfilled and to improve the bonding with your partner?

Look Within Yourself

It is impossible for any relationship to fulfill all your needs. Getting clear on what you require and what you feel is missing for you is an ideal place to start. Is it about emotional support, financial security, excitement, and stimulation? It is really up to you to take responsibility for your own needs and your partner is there to help you in that process.

Be Respectful

Are you truly communicating in a way that is respectful to your partner? Being respectful of their time and their own needs and feelings, just as you would with a colleague or friend, creates mutual respect. Getting into an emotional list of demands as soon as your partner walks through the door or late at night when they are trying to go to bed, does neither you nor your partner show any courtesy. Selecting a time and a place that suits you both is what is required to set-up effective communication and a happier and stronger relationship.

Controlling Anxiety

If one is anxious, he/she may try to feel better by sharing all their feelings and over-communicating. This can be anxiety-provoking for your spouse and consequently, they might shut down or withdraw. This can then create the pattern of you over-communicating and your partner withdrawing. Learning to manage or control your anxiety is an essential skill in relationships and can decrease this pursuit-avoidance communication pattern.

Calm Down and Reflect

When talking is not solving the problem, be ready to walk away for the moment and take some time out to calm down and reflect. When you are running high on adrenalin, it is difficult to see a solution to the problem. Taking some time for yourself can help you in thinking about the issue in a separate way and looking at what you are responsible for. What is your part in making this problem? Stop focusing on your partner and what you think they are doing incorrectly and start looking at the patterns in your own behavior. This is where change starts.

Communication issues do not need to damage your relationship. Working with a professional counselor at Saarthi Counseling Services can support you to form a positive communication style, where both partners feel heard, validated, and valued. Contact marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo now to start communicating in an effective and positive way for both you and your partner. Let’s talk before it’s too late.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Do You Find it Hard to Forgive and Forget Someone? Here Are Some Ways that Will Truly Let you Forgive and Forget

It is a very common phenomenon when someone says they are not able to forgive or forget a specific incident specifically when it involves a relationship. Letting go is often the most difficult thing to accomplish. You may have heard that forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Perhaps because forgiving is not easy, specifically, when some deeds do not appear worthy of forgiveness. However, the difficult work is worth it. It has been seen that positive psychology has found forgiveness can be helpful in dealing with symptoms of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Forgiving can give personal peace and also improve physical health. How? Because forgiveness is not just about making other person feel good about their transgressions. It is also, about lightening the mental weight that their transgressions have left upon you. This lightening impact is not simply metaphorical.

In the year of 2014 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, 160 persons were divided into three groups. One group mentioned an incident in which they had been gravely hurt, but decided to forgive their offender; another group said about a time in which they are yet to forgiven an offender, and a control group mentioned a neutral interaction with a friend. All those participants were then guided through a mock fitness drill in which they had to jump as high as they could five times. The participants who had said about forgiveness jumped significantly higher compared to those in the unforgiving set.

Are you amongst those who find it hard to forgive or forget? This blog by Delhi’s Top Psychologist, Marriage Counselor, and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo says here are some ways that will truly let you forgive and forget.

Bring to Light

Be absolute honest with yourself about your anger and pain, and analyze the complete damage the injustice has caused in your life. If your parent made you feel inadequate while growing up, does your self-esteem still suffers? Do you search for love and validation in an unhealthy manner?

Determine

You need to make the conscious decision to forgive those who harmed you, and give up on any vengeful conduct on your part. If an office colleague once stole an idea of yours, say, and you have been denying him/her credit on other projects ever since this is time to change your method. The negativity and anger you stick to would not do you any good in the long run.

Act

It takes work to understand and empathize with a person who has hurt you. Here you need to ask yourself a certain question: What was life like for this individual while growing up? What psychological wounds he/she might be nursing? What added pressures or stresses was the individual experiencing at that moment he/she offended you? Then thought of a small gift, if you could offer that person. It could be a simple smile, a handshake or a hug, a returned phone call or message, or simply more tolerance the next moment you are with them. Bear in mind, though, that forgiveness and reconciliation are never the same. If you were living or are in an abusive relationship of any sort, your forgiveness might and should come from afar.

Discover

Look for meaning and purpose in what you have been through. How could you help others who may be hurting? If you have been a victim of any physical or mental bias, for instance, you may decide to become more active in some humanitarian issues. In the emotional relief of letting it go, you can even discover the paradox of forgiveness: As you give to others the gifts of mercy, kindness, generosity, and moral love, you yourself get healed.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Reasons Why Listening Boosts Relationships

If you are not driving, you are sleeping, and if you are at work you are texting, writing e-mails and talking, but rarely listening, means actually, listening.

Listening seems to be a declining skill because listening means absolute listening and nothing else Not thinking of tomorrow’s activity, the “To Do” list and the growing message inbox.

Relationship Experts Shivani says listening is such a passive act that several of you simply do not do it.

Some studies have indicated that one typically remembers merely 25 to 30% of what one hears. However, ‘Active Listening’ can enhance that figure enormously. One of the methods to use ‘Active Listening’ is to remember the mostly-used expression that “eyes and ears must be used in the same proportion they have been allocated to you.”

In today’s digital world one seems to be constantly playing catch up with voice calls, e-mails, meetings, and ever-expanding tight deadlines. As a result, one seems to be “broadcasting” all the time but quite rarely listening to what is essential.

The kids tend to watch television whilst texting their friends and doing homework. How do they do that? Actually, the answer is that they cannot do all those things well at the same time.

So, is it that essential? Yes, it is. If one doesn’t truly listen one does not get the actual message being communicated. If one doesn’t get the real message then one can’t act appropriately.

If you really want to boost relationships and grow your business then you have to work towards good listening. Here are some of the reasons shared by Delhi’s top marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo why listening boosts relationships.

You Can Gain Information

If you listen, truly listen; you can learn things about the person, be it your spouse, kids or colleague, their aspirations, their fears, their work, and what you may be able to help them with.

There is so much of the spoken meanings are hidden in inflection, tone, and expression, so listening is critical for understanding and gaining information. And as you all know, information is power. It lets you fashion the necessary responses and strategy to assist the person to whom you are listening.

Increases Your Accuracy

When you listen genuinely, you have a better recollection of vital facts and issues.

This can result in fewer miscommunications and errors and makes you more efficient and have more value in your relationships both personal and professional ones.

You Build Trust

When you give your entire attention to the persons expressing thoughts and experiences that are essential to them, they are possibly to see you as a person who really thinks and cares about them.

When you are obviously paying attention to that person and you refrain from interjecting opinions, judgments, and advice, or finishing their sentences, you are seen as someone who cares and can be truly trusted with their information and confidence. This develops trust and later on bonding.

You Form A Relationship

When you listen properly to the other individual’s point of view a real conversation can arise. A meaningful and informed conversation can take place rather than sound bites being chosen and conclusions jumped too. When this genuine interaction takes place, you naturally form a relationship.

The biggest problem in today’s hectic world is that one does not often bother to listen to things carefully, as a result, more friction takes place. Because others perceive that you do not have time for them. This is often the beginning of a collapsing relationship. So, when you are in conversation, let’s be certain to do everything you can to make sure you are being an Active Listener.

It is active listening which leads to solid relationships and relationships are built through several human attributes. At the base of these attributes is LISTENING.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.