Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Shares Couples Counselor Shivani Sadhoo

Finger-pointing can quickly turn a loving connection into a battleground of accusations and hurt feelings. Blaming is a natural human response to avoid responsibility, but it’s not constructive. It’s tough when the blame game becomes a regular part of a relationship.

Let’s find out why partners blame each other in a relationship and what are the ways to break this vicious cycle from India’s top relationship expert and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Why does the blame game begin?

Shivani Sadhoo says, there are certain factors that initiate the blame game. Some of them are:

Childhood experiences: 

These shape our coping and communication strategies. If individuals face blame or criticism, they may unconsciously blame others in relationships.

Protect Self-esteem:

Blaming others helps preserve a positive self-image and shields self-esteem, as admitting fault might be perceived as a weakness.

Lack of Empathy:

It hinders understanding others’ perspectives, leading to a tendency to blame instead of considering their viewpoint.

Ways to Deal with the Blame Game?

Shivani says, every problem has a solution, you simply need to find it. Some of the ways to deal with the blame games are:

1. Use “I” Statements: 

Instead of pointing fingers and using accusatory language, express your feelings and concerns using “I” statements. For example, say, “I feel hurt when you blame me for everything” rather than “You always make me feel bad for …”

2. Accept your fault: 

Acknowledge your own mistakes and be willing to apologize when necessary. This sets a positive example and encourages your partner to do the same.

3. Forgive and Forget: 

Learning to forgive and forget involves letting go of past grievances and not holding on to grudges. It means releasing the need to continuously blame each other for past mistakes and choosing to move forward with a fresh outlook, fostering understanding and healing in the relationship.

4. Identify the root cause: 

Identify the root problems causing conflicts. Focus on understanding each other’s perspectives without immediately assigning blame. By pinpointing the real issues, you can work together to find constructive solutions and improve your relationship.

5. Be Patient: 

Practice patience by actively listening without interrupting or becoming defensive. Empathize with your partner’s feelings, communicate calmly, and avoid retaliating. This fosters understanding, promotes healthier discussions, and strengthens the bond between you both.

6. Nobody is Perfect: 

Of course, no relationship is without its hiccups. We’re only human, after all. So, let’s set realistic expectations and understand that perfection is not the goal here. It’s about progress. Celebrate the small wins along the way and acknowledge that change takes time.

7. Talk to each other: 

Healthy communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. Both partners must be willing to express their thoughts and emotions openly without fear of judgment or criticism. Encourage each other to share feelings and listen actively without interrupting or becoming defensive. This way, both partners can understand each other’s perspectives and work together to find constructive solutions.

8. Listen to each other: 

Actively listen to each other’s perspectives without interruption or defensiveness. Mutual respect and validation of each other’s feelings are essential. Together, find solutions to address the issue constructively, focusing on changing behavior rather than assigning blame.

9. Seek Professional Advice: 

Overcoming the blame cycle can be tough, especially if it’s ingrained. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be highly beneficial. A neutral third party can identify toxic patterns, offer insights, and guide partners toward healthier communication and conflict resolution.

10. Be Compassionate: 

Show understanding and empathy toward your partner’s feelings and perspectives. This approach encourages open communication, fosters connection, and paves the way for resolving conflicts constructively.

It is never too late to break free from the blame cycle and embrace a healthier, happier future together. Relationships are a journey of growth, and learning from challenges and mistakes can lead to stronger connections and personal development.

Eminent Marriage Counselor and Psychologist Shivani Sadhoo Explains

Every relationship is unique and built on trust, love, and commitment. Cheating disrupts this foundation, causing emotional distress and eroding the bond between partners, jeopardizing the integrity of the relationship. Understanding why a cheating partner continues to deceive is a complex endeavor, involving a blend of psychology, emotions, and personal motivations. In this article, India’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo explains the reasons and ways to deal with it.

What are the types of cheating?

Types of Cheating could include anything from the points given below as shared by Shivani Sadhoo.

• Emotional Cheating: Harbouring romantic feelings for someone outside the committed relationship, often sharing personal thoughts and emotions with that person rather than with the partner.
• Physical Cheating: Engaging in intimate physical acts with someone other than the partner.
• Cyber Cheating: Pursuing romantic or intimate (physical) interactions online, including online affairs.
• Financial Cheating: Concealing financial actions or spending without the partner’s knowledge or consent.

Reasons why partners cheat on each other and what are the solutions?

There are several factors that may compel partners to cheat on each other but they also have solutions to come out of that trap:

1. To Protect their ego

Cheating can inflict guilt and shame on the unfaithful partner, making it hard for them to confront their actions. Lying becomes a defense mechanism to protect their ego from further damage. They may rationalize their behavior, believing that the truth would expose them to judgment and rejection.

Solution: Seek non-judgmental support from friends, family, or counselors to gain perspective and build resilience.

2. Fear of confrontation drives the cheating partner to fabricate lies, evading the emotional turmoil they caused. Fear pushes them deeper into deceit, avoiding inevitable pain and confrontation.

Solution: Encourage open dialogue to confront the truth and rebuild trust.

3. Relationship preservation

Paradoxically, dishonesty is used to salvage a deteriorating relationship. They fear the truth will end it.

Solution: The solution lies in fostering a safe space for communication, encouraging honesty, and addressing the root issues to rebuild trust and improve the relationship’s prospects.

4. Escape from Emotional Responsibility

Infidelity often stems from unresolved emotional issues within the relationship. By lying about their indiscretions, the cheating partner avoids taking responsibility for their emotions and the underlying problems.

Solution: Encouraging couples counseling can provide a safe environment to address these issues and foster understanding and empathy.

5. Denial and Rationalization

Human minds are adept at rationalizing behavior, and a cheating partner may have convinced themselves that their actions were justifiable due to their partner’s perceived shortcomings. In such cases, lies become a tool to maintain the illusion that their choices were warranted.

Solution: Encourage open communication to challenge rationalizations and address underlying issues, fostering mutual understanding and accountability.

6. Fear of Abandonment

A cheating partner may harbor an irrational fear of abandonment, believing that the truth would push their partner away forever. The lies become a desperate attempt to cling to the relationship, even if built on shaky foundations.

Solution: Reassure your partner of your commitment to working through issues together, creating a safe space for honesty and understanding.

7. Lack of Empathy

Empathy plays a crucial role in human relationships, allowing us to understand the emotional impact of our actions on others. Unfortunately, some cheating partners may lack empathy, making it easier for them to lie without remorse.

Solution: Encourage empathy through open communication and perspective sharing, emphasizing the importance of considering each other’s feelings to rebuild trust.

8. Double benefit

In a relationship, some individuals lie to experience the benefits of both stability and excitement. The thrill of deception empowers them, leading to a double life with a wife/husband at home and a girlfriend/boyfriend outside the home.

Solution: Address root motivations and consequences of lying to establish trust.

Remember that no relationship can thrive that is based on lies and specifically, constant lies. Honesty and communication are the foundation of any healthy relationship.

Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some amazing tips for couples to nurture their relationship as parents

A baby brings boundless joy to new parents, for within their tiny form lies the miracle of life. While the demands of parenthood may challenge their time and energy, the flame of love between mom and dad can still persist.

Balancing the demands of parenthood and maintaining a strong connection with your partner requires effort and understanding. In this article, India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo offers some tips and tricks for nurturing your relationship as a new parent.

What are those ways to nurture your relationship as a parent?

Here, Shivani Sadhoo shares some of the methods, that could make your transition to parenthood a smooth ride.

Why Communicate with Compassion?

Effective communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. As new parents, take time to listen to each other’s concerns, fears, and joys. Be mindful of your partner’s emotional needs and offer support and encouragement.

Choose your words carefully, speaking kindly and respectfully, even when fatigue and stress take hold. Remember, open and honest communication will help you navigate the challenges together and deepen your bond. When your baby cries, you’re compassionate. Extend that to your partner. Relationships change after a baby, but growth happens when you change together.

Do it together as a team

Parenthood is a team sport, and collaboration between partners is vital. Share the responsibilities of childcare and household chores, support each other’s needs, and find a balance that works for both of you. Recognize and appreciate each other’s contributions, acknowledging the value of teamwork in creating a harmonious environment for your family.

Nurture intimacy

After having a baby, physical and emotional intimacy can be neglected. Yet, it’s vital to prioritize a romantic connection. Make time for intimate moments like cuddling, date nights, or heartfelt conversations. Small gestures and expressions of love foster a strong bond.

Take care of yourself

Remember to take care of yourself amidst the demands of parenthood. It’s essential to nurture your own well-being, as it directly impacts your relationship with your partner. Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy. By taking care of yourself, you’ll have more energy and positivity to invest in your partnership.

Express appreciation

Show gratitude for each other’s efforts and support. Recognize and acknowledge the hard work and dedication that goes into being a parent. Small gestures of appreciation can go a long way in fostering a positive and nurturing environment.

The Power of Giving Space

Granting each other space as new parents fosters personal growth and maintains individuality. It involves recognizing the importance of alone time, pursuing hobbies, and nurturing friendships outside of parenthood, strengthening the partnership.

Conflict management

Managing conflicts effectively is crucial in any relationship, and this becomes even more challenging when you have a newborn due to the added stress and exhaustion. Use “I” statements to express how you feel, such as “I feel overwhelmed when…” or “I need support with…”. This can help avoid blaming and encourage understanding.

Seek Support

New parents often feel overwhelmed. Seek support from family, friends, or professionals. Connect with experienced parents, join groups, or consider couples counseling. Asking for help lightens the load and strengthens relationships.

Embrace Imperfections

Parenthood is a journey of constant learning and growth. Embrace the imperfections and understand that mistakes are inevitable. Be patient and forgiving with yourself and your partner. Celebrate the small victories, and remember that every day presents an opportunity to strengthen your bond and create beautiful memories together.

As you embark on the incredible journey of parenthood, remember that nurturing your relationship is just as important as caring for your little one. Enjoy this remarkable chapter of your lives, cherishing the moments of joy, and growing stronger as a couple with each passing day. And if you need any help, we are there to guide you. 

Shares Delhi’s Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

In any relationship, conflict is a natural occurrence, and it is not uncommon for things to escalate, even in healthy partnerships. Navigating through an environment that often feels chaotic and confusing can be challenging.

It is important to understand what high conflict looks like and to develop specific strategies for self-soothing during and after such intense situations. Read this blog by India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo on how to self-soothe if as a couple there is a high conflict.

What Does High Conflict in Couples Feel Like?

High conflict can be overwhelming for your nervous system, as it triggers a strong response in your body. The stimuli become loud and intrusive, leading to a flood of emotions and physical reactions. You may notice sensations such as increased body heat, muscle tension, a clenched jaw, and a racing heart rate.

In these moments, accessing the rational part of your brain becomes challenging. This is because when you feel emotionally or physically unsafe, your brain tends to operate from the instinctual part, activating the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response.

Although it may seem like conflict arises out of nowhere, there is often a buildup that leads to those intense moments. Tensions may have been simmering for a day or even longer, without finding a resolution.

To avoid reaching this point, it is crucial to address smaller issues as they arise and create dedicated time to tackle larger ones instead of avoiding or ignoring them. By consistently addressing and resolving conflicts as they come up, you can prevent them from accumulating and escalating into high-conflict situations.

You Find Yourself In A High Conflict, Now What?

Even with the best intentions, finding yourself in a high-conflict situation can happen. In such moments, it is important to take immediate action. Begin by identifying the shift in the conversation. Often, these discussions start off on a reasonable level and gradually escalate, making it challenging to recognize the shift right away.

To help identify where you are in the conflict, consider asking yourself the following questions:

• Are you having difficulty processing what is being said?
• Are you merely listening to respond rather than listening to understand?
• Are you and your partner engaging in name-calling or displaying aggressive behaviors, such as invading personal space, yelling, throwing items, or engaging in unwelcome physical contact?

If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you are indeed in a high-conflict situation.

Once you’ve recognized the situation, take a moment to acknowledge this realization and promptly change your environment. Let your partner know that you feel the conversation has become unproductive and that you need a break. Find a different room or step outside to get some fresh air.

In your new environment, begin practicing deep breathing. Take slow, intentional breaths by inhaling through your nose for a count of 4, fully extending your torso, including your back. Hold your breath for a count of 2, and then exhale slowly through your nostrils for a count of 6. Repeat this process as many times as necessary.

Next, reinforce your inner strength and grounding by reminding yourself of your truths through affirmations. Here’s an example to get you started: “I am present in my body, I am deserving of love and respect, and I am supported and grounded.”

These three steps—changing the environment, practicing deep breathing, and engaging in self-affirmation—can effectively break the cycle of the instinctual brain response. By consciously implementing these techniques, you can regain control over your emotions, promote a sense of calm, and create space for productive and respectful communication to resume.

How to Self-Soothe?

Once you have regained access to your “smart” brain, you can choose from various self-soothing techniques to further calm yourself:

• Self-soothing touch: One effective method is to give yourself a comforting hug. Sit upright, stretch your arms wide as you inhale, and then cross your arms around yourself with your right arm underneath on the exhale. Take three deep breaths in this position before releasing your arms and repeating the process, this time with your left arm underneath.

• Listen to calming music: Select soothing music that helps calm your nervous system and bring your heartbeat back to a normal rhythm. Opt for tunes with a slower beat to promote relaxation.

• Go for a mindful walk: Engage in a mindful walk by immersing yourself in the present moment. Observe your surroundings with all your senses, taking in the sights, sounds, and smells without passing judgment or getting lost in thought.

• Engage in your favorite self-care activity: Dedicate time to indulge in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. This could include taking a warm shower or bath, practicing your favorite stretches for relaxation, engaging in guided meditation, or surrounding yourself with pleasant scents like lavender.

By incorporating these self-soothing techniques into your routine, you can further enhance your ability to calm your nervous system and regain a sense of control and stability during high-conflict situations. Remember, self-soothing is a personal process, so feel free to explore and experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you.

In high-conflict situations, recognizing the problem, practicing self-soothing, and creating a conducive mindset for nonjudgmental conversation are crucial for finding lasting resolutions. Seeking assistance from a couples therapist specialized in conflict resolution can be beneficial. The Gottman Relationship Coach program, “Making Up After an Argument,” provides guidance for managing overwhelming conflicts.

The Gottman Relationship Adviser offers a comprehensive tool for improving relationship health through personalized plans. The Gottman Assessment provides in-depth insights into relationship dynamics. Seeking external support and utilizing these resources can nurture a healthier and more resilient partnership.

Gottman reference has been mentioned as Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of few Gottman Certified Marriage Counselors in India

Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Sadhoo Explains

Effective communication is the foundation of healthy relationships, be it romantic, familial, or professional. The way we express ourselves and listen to others greatly impacts the dynamics and overall satisfaction within these relationships.

Unfortunately, certain communication styles can act as poison, gradually eroding trust, understanding, and harmony. In this article, Delhi’s top marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some toxic communication styles and provides guidance on how to avoid them, fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections.

Passive Aggression

Passive-aggressive communication is characterized by indirect expressions of hostility, disguised as passivity or sarcasm. This style often involves subtle jabs, backhanded compliments, or withholding information to create tension and manipulate others.

It can leave the recipient feeling confused, hurt, and frustrated, ultimately leading to deteriorating relationships. Instead, strive for open and honest dialogue, addressing concerns directly without resorting to hidden agendas or covert hostility.

Defensiveness

Defensive communication is a self-protective response that arises from feeling attacked or criticized. It involves denying responsibility, making excuses, or deflecting blame onto others. When both parties engage in defensiveness, it creates a cycle of negativity, hindering effective problem-solving and resolution. To break this pattern, practice active listening and empathy, focusing on understanding the other person’s perspective without immediately jumping to self-defence.

Stonewalling

Stonewalling occurs when an individual withdraws from a conversation or relationship, shutting down emotionally and refusing to engage. It can manifest as silent treatment, avoidance, or dismissing the other person’s concerns.

Stonewalling prevents open communication and leaves the other person feeling unheard and invalidated. Instead, strive for open dialogue, even if it feels uncomfortable, and make a conscious effort to actively participate in resolving conflicts.

Blaming and Criticizing

Blaming and criticizing communication styles involve focusing on faults and mistakes rather than seeking constructive solutions. This approach creates a hostile and judgmental environment, where individuals feel attacked and defensive.

Instead of blaming and criticizing, practice constructive feedback by expressing your concerns using “I” statements, focusing on specific behaviours, and offering suggestions for improvement. This allows for a more collaborative and growth-oriented approach.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation that aims to make the other person doubt their own perceptions, memories, and sanity. This toxic communication style involves distorting the truth, denying events, or trivializing the other person’s feelings and experiences. Gaslighting erodes trust, undermines self-esteem, and can lead to psychological harm. It is crucial to recognize gaslighting behaviours and establish boundaries to protect your emotional well-being and maintain healthy relationships.

Marriage counsellor Shivani says effective communication is the lifeblood of any successful relationship, and toxic communication styles can poison even the strongest bonds. By being aware of these destructive patterns and actively working to avoid them, we can foster healthier connections built on trust, empathy, and understanding. Remember to practice open dialogue, active listening, and respect for each other’s feelings and perspectives. By doing so, we can cultivate relationships that thrive and bring joy and fulfillment to our lives.

Key Relationship Tips Shared by Leading Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Insecurity has the ability to deeply impact a person’s emotional well-being and relationships, leading to feelings of anxiety, doubt, and fear. If your partner struggles with insecurity, it is important to provide a nurturing and supportive environment that fosters their sense of safety and love. In this blog, Delhi’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares effective strategies to help make an insecure partner feel secure, valued, and cherished within the relationship.

Cultivate Open and Honest Communication

Establishing open lines of communication is crucial for creating a safe space where your partner can express their insecurities without fear of judgment or dismissal. Encourage them to share their thoughts, concerns, and fears openly, and actively listen with empathy and understanding. Validate their emotions and reassure them that their feelings are valid and important to you.

Show Unconditional Love and Acceptance

Unconditional love is a powerful force that can help alleviate insecurity. Demonstrate your love and acceptance for your partner by embracing all their flaws, quirks, and vulnerabilities. Celebrate their strengths and remind them that they are loved for who they are, unconditionally. Small gestures of affection, such as hugs, kisses, and reassuring words, can go a long way in conveying your love and support.

Build Trust through Consistency and Reliability

Insecurity mostly stems from a lack of trust. To help your partner feel safe, it is important to build trust through consistent actions and reliability. Be true to your word, follow through on promises, and be dependable in both big and small matters. Consistency and reliability demonstrate that you are someone they can rely on, fostering a sense of security within the relationship.

Provide Reassurance and Affirmation

Regularly reassure your partner of your commitment and loyalty. Give genuine compliments and affirmations that highlight their positive qualities and reassure them of your love. Avoid dismissing their insecurities or becoming defensive; instead, address their concerns using compassion and understanding. Let them know that you are there to support them unconditionally.

Create a Safe and Nurturing Environment

Make sure that your relationship is a safe space for your spouse to express themselves freely. Foster an environment of trust, empathy, and emotional safety. Avoid criticism, belittling, or comparison. Encourage their personal growth and support them develop a positive self-image by focusing on their strengths and encouraging their passions and aspirations.

Encourage Personal Development and Self-Care

Insecurity can mostly be mitigated by promoting personal growth and self-care. Encourage your partner to engage in activities they enjoy, pursue their passions, and take care of their physical and emotional well-being. Support their personal goals and offer encouragement during challenging times. When they invest in self-care and personal growth, their self-confidence and sense of security are likely to improve.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

In some cases, deep-rooted insecurities may require the assistance of a professional therapist or counselor. If your partner’s insecurities significantly impact their daily life and well-being, encourage them to seek therapy. Professional guidance can provide them with tools and strategies to address their insecurities effectively and foster personal growth.

Shivani says, supporting an insecure partner needs patience, understanding, and a commitment to creating a safe and loving environment. By cultivating open communication, demonstrating unconditional love and acceptance, building trust, and providing reassurance, you can help your partner feel secure and valued within the relationship. Remember that everyone’s journey and learning path are unique, and it is essential to adapt these strategies to suit your partner’s specific needs. With consistent effort and empathy, you can foster a strong and loving bond, nurturing your partner’s sense of security and creating a fulfilling and harmonious relationship.

In the hustle and bustle of our fast-paced lives, it’s all too easy for the flames of romance to flicker and fade. The demands of work, family, and personal commitments often leave little time and energy for nurturing our relationships. However, building a healthy and vibrant connection with your partner is crucial for both your individual well-being and the longevity of your relationship.

So, if you find yourself in a situation where your partner’s busyness has caused a strain, fear not! In this article, we will explore creative and effective ways to reconnect and rejuvenate your relationship with your busy partner. India’s eminent marriage counselor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo is here to guide you.

1. Open Communication:

The foundation of any successful relationship lies in open and honest communication. Set aside dedicated time each day to engage in meaningful conversations with your partner. Create an atmosphere of trust where both of you can openly express your thoughts, concerns, and dreams. Effective communication builds understanding and empathy, fostering a deeper connection between partners.

2. Quality over Quantity:

While it may be challenging to find large blocks of time together, focus on the quality of the time you do have. Plan activities or outings that both partners enjoy and that allow for meaningful connection. It could be as simple as a romantic dinner at home, a walk in the park, or a weekend getaway. By maximizing the quality of your time spent together, you can create cherished memories and rekindle the spark in your relationship.

3. Surprise Gestures: 

Small, thoughtful gestures can go a long way in rekindling the spark in your relationship. Surprise your partner with their favorite meal, leave a heartfelt note in their briefcase or purse, or plan a surprise outing that aligns with their interests. These simple acts demonstrate your love and appreciation, creating moments of delight and reinforcing the emotional bond between you. Use technology for good. Sending text messages to your partner is a wonderful way to maintain a connection, share small moments, and show you care.

4. Support and Understanding: 

Acknowledge and validate the challenges your partner faces due to their busy schedule. Show genuine interest in their work and offer support whenever possible. By demonstrating understanding and empathy, you build a strong foundation of trust and solidarity. Your partner will feel valued and cherished, fostering a sense of belonging within the relationship.

5. Shared Hobbies and Interests: 

Finding common ground and engaging in shared hobbies can infuse new energy into your relationship. Discover activities that you both enjoy and make time for them regularly. Whether it’s cooking, dancing, hiking, or painting, the shared experiences will create lasting memories and deepen your bond.

6. Save the date: 

Intentionally carve out time in both of your calendars for regular date nights. This dedicated time allows you to focus solely on each other, away from the distractions of work and daily responsibilities. Whether it’s a candlelit dinner, a movie night, or a cozy evening, make it a habit to schedule these dates to strengthen the bond and keep the romance alive.

7. Tender Touch: 

Physical intimacy is an integral part of any romantic relationship. Find moments to express affection, even amidst busy schedules. A warm hug, a gentle touch, or a passionate kiss can communicate love and desire. Prioritize intimacy and make it a regular part of your routine, reigniting the passion and desire within your relationship.

So, take the first step today, and embark on a path toward reconnecting and rejuvenating your relationship with your busy partner. Together, you can create a love that withstands the tests of time and nourishes your soul for a lifetime.

Challenges in relationships are inevitable. When both partners are willing to face the challenges hand-in-hand and act together to find win-win solutions, the majority of problems can be managed.

But many times couples lack the needed skills and tools to work through even solvable issues in their relationship. As unresolved problems, poor relationship habits, and emotional disconnection grow, the stability and spark in the relationship seem to fade. At this stage, one partner might be too eager to get some support since they know the relationship would benefit from the guidance of a professional perspective. Yet the other half is refusing to attend. 

When approaching your partner regarding attending couples therapy, you are likely to meet resistance. Certainly, people have some sort of misconceptions regarding couples therapy; they might fear “exposing” their shortcomings and feeling vulnerable, or they might believe therapy will turn them into a punching bag for the therapist and their partner.

Some couples might use therapy as a last-ditch attempt, rather than a preventative method to improve their relationship, says marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo.

In this article, Delhi’s leading marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo explores five effective ways to inspire your partner to join you in attending couples therapy, letting both of you embark on a journey towards a healthier and happier relationship.

Communicate openly and honestly

The primary step towards inspiring your partner to attend couples therapy is open and honest communication. Form a safe and non-judgmental space where you both can express your feelings and concerns. Explain why you feel therapy could be beneficial for your relationship and share your desire to work together towards resolving problems. Emphasize that therapy is not a symbol of failure, but rather a proactive step towards personal and relational growth.

Highlight the benefits of couple’s therapy

Help your partner understand the possible benefits of couple’s therapy. Discuss how therapy could provide a neutral environment for both of you to explore underlying issues, enhance communication, and gain valuable insights into each other’s perspectives.

Emphasize that therapy is an opportunity to learn new methods and strategies to enhance your relationship, boost intimacy, and strengthen the bond between you. By highlighting these benefits, you can easily alleviate any fears or misconceptions your partner may have about therapy.

Lead by example

Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Take the initiative by going for therapy yourself first, whether it is individual counselling or therapy focused on personal growth. This showcases your willingness to invest in your own well-being and shows your partner that therapy is not a one-sided endeavour.

As your partner witnesses the positive transformations you experience through therapy, they may become more willing to join you in couples therapy, realizing the potential it holds for both of you.

Give reassurance and support

Your partner might have reservations or fears related to attending couples therapy. Reassure them that you are committed to the process and that therapy is collaborative work, not an opportunity to shift blame or find fault. Assure them that therapy is a confidential space where both partners will be heard and understood. Give your support throughout the process, emphasizing that you are in this together and that attending therapy is an investment for your relationship’s future.

Explore different therapy options together

Research multiple therapy options together and find a therapist who resonates with both of you. Involve your partner in the selection procedure to ensure their comfort and engagement. Discuss different therapy modalities and methods, like cognitive-behavioural therapy, emotionally-focused therapy, or solution-focused therapy. By involving your partner in the decision-making process, you form a sense of ownership and collaboration, increasing the likelihood of their active participation in couples therapy.

Inspiring your partner to join you in attending couples therapy needs patience, understanding, and effective communication. By following these suggestions above —communicating openly, highlighting the benefits, leading by example, offering reassurance and support, and exploring therapy options together—you might inspire your partner to embark on this transformative journey towards a healthier and happier relationship. Remember, it takes both partners’ commitment and willingness to make a couple’s counselling a success.

When you have been cheated on by your partner, you surely feel broken, lost and so many other emotions including humiliation. Cheating also transforms us as a person and it generally, is a permanent change. Have you been cheated on? Read this to confirm if these changes were experienced by you too as shared by Delhi’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Relationship expert Shivani Sadhoo says getting cheated in a relationship could have a profound impact on a person’s emotional, psychological, and behavioral well-being. Here are certain common ways that being cheated on can change a person:

Loss of Trust:

Infidelity shatters the base of trust in a relationship. It can make a person skeptical and suspicious, not just in future relationships but also in their overall interactions with people. They may find it difficult to trust others, including close friends and family members.

Emotional Distress:

Discovering that your spouse has cheated on you can cause intense emotional pain, leading to feelings of betrayal, anger, sadness, and humiliation. This emotional distress may persist for a long time, even after the relationship has ended. It can also trigger anxiety and depression, impacting a person’s mental health.

Self-Esteem and Self-Worth:

Being cheated on can profoundly hit an individual’s self-esteem and self-worth. They may question their attractiveness, worthiness, and their ability to maintain a healthy relationship. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, which may affect their future relationships and overall self-confidence.

Relationship Problems:

People who have been cheated on mostly find it challenging to form new romantic relationships. They may struggle with intimacy and fear being hurt again. It can be challenging to fully open up and trust a new partner, leading to difficulties in building a deep emotional connection.

Insecurity and Jealousy:

The experience of being cheated on could make a person overly vigilant and possessive in future relationships. They may become excessively jealous, constantly seeking reassurance and validation from their partner. This insecurity can strain relationships and create a cycle of suspicion and doubt.

Fear of Abandonment:

Infidelity may instill a fear of being abandoned in a person. They might worry that they are not enough for their partner, leading to clingy behavior or a constant need for reassurance. This fear can hinder the development of a healthy and balanced relationship.

Problems in Forgiving:

Healing from infidelity mostly involves forgiveness, but it could be a challenging and lengthy process. Some persons might find it difficult to forgive their partner or even themselves. Lingering resentment and bitterness can hinder personal growth and prevent the person from moving forward.

Alterations in Behavior:

Being cheated on can lead to changes in behavior and coping mechanisms. Some individuals may become more guarded, emotionally distant, or reluctant to commit to future relationships. On the other hand, some may become overly vigilant, snooping through their partner’s belongings or invading their privacy due to a fear of being deceived again.

It is essential to note that while being cheated might have significant impacts, not everyone will experience these changes in the same manner. Each person’s response to infidelity is unique, and healing and recovery processes differ from person to person. Seeking support from friends, family, or professional counselors can be beneficial in navigating the aftermath of infidelity and redeveloping trust.

Emotional neglect happens when the emotional needs of an individual are disregarded or are not valued in a relationship. For the one on the receiving end of the neglect, it could be traumatizing and could harm their psyche. Sadly, emotional neglect in marriage is mostly swept under the rug, simply because it is not as visible as physical pain. Some couples may not even realize that they are suffering from the effects of emotional neglect in their relationship.

Signs of emotional neglect in Marriage

The first thing you require to do is to identify the signs that you are suffering from emotional neglect in your marriage. As each marriage dynamic is distinct, its manifestations in your relationship are also different.

However, there are certain tell-tale signs to look out for:

• You feel alone in your relationship.
• You will rather spend time alone than be with your partner.
• You do not engage in any social activities together.
• You are shut down by your spouse when you talk.
• You repeatedly suppress your feelings
• You do not feel that you can be yourself around your partner
• You are not clear about what your spouse wants from you

How Does Emotional Neglect Damage Relationships?

Shivani Sadhoo says emotional neglect is the bane of several marriages.

It is damaging to a relationship since emotional support is one of the core bases to a successful marriage. When there is emotional support, affection, and intimacy also follow. And without affection and intimacy, both partners will become unhappy. The level of emotional support in each marriage differs according to the different emotional needs of the partners involved. Emotional neglect is contextually relative; the extent of what is defined as neglectful conduct varies on a case-to-case basis.

Delhi’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some tips to cope with emotional neglect in marriage.

Do not play the victim

It certainly hurts when your spouse is not fulfilling your emotional needs. However, this is no reason to play the victim card. If you do that, it will simply worsen the situation. You end up in a blame game and that does no favour for your relationship. 

The finest way to deal with it is to talk directly to your partner. Let them know how you feel and where you think they are lacking. When talking to your spouse, make certain you do it in a respectful and honest manner. There is no problem in a marriage that open and honest communication cannot fix. This is one of them.

Work through it together

A marriage is a two-way relationship. You cannot fix a problem if there is just one interested party. Both parties should make an equal effort at fixing a problem.

Once you open up to your partner, you require to openly discuss and agree on what steps you require to take to fix the problem. To begin, you can speak up whenever you see any signs of their neglectful conduct. In that manner, they will be able to identify when they are doing something incorrect. Awareness of their behaviour is a good beginning when correcting this issue in your marriage. 

Address the cause

When you face problems in your marriage, the first task to do is to identify the underlying cause for such an issue. You can also use the same procedure in this situation. Before you react to your partner’s behaviour, think about what could be causing it.

• Is this a recent problem or has your partner been in this manner since the beginning of your marriage? 

• Is it potentially triggered by an event or situation? 
• Has there been a sudden alteration in your spouse’s behaviour? 

If the behavioural pattern is triggered by a situation, then your probabilities of fixing it are far better than if it were part of your relationship from the beginning. 

Be proactive

When you are suffering emotional neglect from your spouse, it may be a good time to assess yourself too. Are you neglecting your spouse in other ways? 

Every individual’s requirements are different. Some individuals value emotional support while others value physical intimacy in a marriage. Whatever it is that is the priority of an individual, make it a habit to be aware of it and do your best to fulfil those requirements the best way you can. 

Make time together

Most problems in a marriage can be resolved by making an effort to spend quality time and doing something together. For example, you can travel together or have date nights once a week. 

Marriage can be hard work. While you have this idea of a happily ever after, it cannot be denied that you will experience ups and downs in your marriage. By staying committed to each other, you can overcome these marital issues. 

See a counsellor

A professional counselor is a great choice if you want to resolve conflicts in your marriage like emotional neglect. A counselor can provide an objective and outsider point of view of your problems. 

The counselor could provide some insights into your marital problems that you may not be able to see since you are emotionally and directly involved in the relationship. The counselor can even suggest methods to resolve these problems by assessing the dynamics of your relationship. 

Many couples are hesitant to see a counselor due to the stigma linked with it. However, there is nothing wrong with seeking assistance in order to work through your relationship issues, especially if it means saving your marriage.