Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

The internet has indeed revolutionized the world. Gone are the days when information was scarce and communication was slow.

Today, with just a few clicks or taps, we can delve into a vast repository of knowledge on virtually any topic and connect with individuals worldwide in an instant. Social media, in particular, has streamlined the process of finding romantic partners, transcending geographical boundaries and time zones. Yet, amid its convenience, social media has also become a breeding ground for relationship issues. The same platforms that bring couples closer together can also harbour hidden red flags that may signal trouble ahead.

To understand these social media red flags, let’s explore the perspective of top relationship expert and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo on the social media behaviours that should not be ignored in relationships.

What are the social media red flags in relationships?

Couples therapist, Shivani Misri Sadhoo says to find out you need to check the following signs:

Pretending to be single

When a partner behaves as if they’re single on social media—keeping relationship status hidden, avoiding posting photos together, or asking not to be tagged—it raises red flags. While some value privacy, constant avoidance of mentioning the relationship may indicate keeping options open or a lack of commitment. Genuine partners don’t hide relationships; secrecy may suggest dishonesty, embarrassment, or external pressure. Openness and acknowledgement are essential for healthy relationships.

Is your partner spending too much time on social media?

Spending excessive time on social media during dates can detract from romance, signaling that your partner’s focus isn’t on you. It may indicate addiction, where the virtual world overshadows real connections. Social media’s curated facade fosters dissatisfaction and can be an escape from unhappiness. Ignoring moments like sunsets hints at prioritizing screens over shared experiences. Recognizing these signs is crucial; excessive social media use can signal deeper issues affecting relationships and personal well-being.

Posting flirtatious remarks on others’ social media posts

Flirting with others on social media, especially through public comments, signals a lack of commitment and respect in a relationship. This behavior undermines trust and emotional security, akin to infidelity. Engaging in such actions can lead to feelings of betrayal and hurt. Consistently leaving flirty comments on others’ posts raises doubts about one’s intentions and loyalty. It’s crucial to reflect on whether this behavior aligns with your expectations for a healthy, monogamous relationship.

Not accepting social media requests

Many a time, refusing to accept a connection request on social media signals reluctance to integrate into each other’s lives. It suggests a lack of transparency and openness. Denying the request may indicate a desire to keep aspects of one’s life hidden, potentially signaling dishonesty or unfaithfulness. By rejecting the connection, the partner may be implying a disregard for the relationship’s importance or the other person’s feelings. Overall, refusal to connect on social media can raise concerns about trust and commitment.

Reluctant in posting your relationship online

Some people choose privacy, but when a partner avoids posting about the relationship on social media while being active otherwise, it raises concerns. The absence of acknowledgment could signal a lack of commitment or reluctance to publicly affirm the relationship. This omission may lead to feelings of exclusion and impact self-esteem negatively. Comparing one’s relationship to others’ flashy posts only emphasizes the authenticity of real-life connections.

Inconsistent behavior or mismatch between online and offline conduct

When someone’s online persona is drastically different from their offline behavior, it can raise concerns about authenticity and honesty in a relationship. While it’s common for people to curate their online presence to some extent, a significant inconsistency like this can be a red flag. For instance, imagine if your partner constantly shares posts about loyalty and trust online, but in reality, they frequently lie to you about their whereabouts or interactions with others. This mismatch between their digital facade and real-life actions could erode trust and breed resentment in the relationship over time.

Marriages are often celebrated as the union of two souls destined for eternal happiness. However, the reality is that not all marriages are made in heaven. The question of whether to endure an unhappy marriage “for the kids” is a complex dilemma.

When faced with the prospect of divorce, the decision becomes particularly challenging when children are involved. Should one persist in a toxic and joyless marriage for the sake of the children, or should they contemplate ending it?

Why continuing with an unhappy marriage is harmful for your children?

Leading marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo explains the following factors in the article further. These are:

1. Psychological Stress

An unhappy marriage is often fraught with tension, resentment, and conflict. Children are highly perceptive and can sense this negative atmosphere. Constant exposure to such stress can lead to emotional and psychological distress in children, affecting their overall well-being and development.

Kids are sensitive to their parents’ feelings, and when parents are unhappy, children may feel it’s their fault or experience anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem. These emotional scars can last a long time.

2. Builds Negative Perception

Children learn about relationships primarily through observing their parents’ interactions. In the context of an unhappy marriage, prolonged exposure can normalize dysfunctional dynamics for them. Consequently, their understanding of a healthy partnership becomes skewed, potentially leading to troubled future relationships.

An environment marked by emotional distance and hostility between parents hampers the development of vital emotional skills and communication patterns in children. Such situations breed unresolved conflicts and negatively impact a child’s perception of acceptable relationship norms, perpetuating cycles of unhappiness in their own future partnerships.

3. Delayed Divorce Does More Harm than Good

Remaining in an unhappy marriage until your children become independent may seem like a way to shield them from the upheaval of divorce or separation. However, this approach doesn’t always reduce their stress.

If your children have never experienced extended periods away from you, leaving home, particularly when they move to a new city for further education, can be highly distressing. The added burden of a divorce, coupled with new responsibilities, could potentially disrupt their studies and transition into adulthood.

4. Self-Sacrifice Can Be Dissatisfying

Sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of your kids may seem noble, but it can have negative consequences. Unhappy parents may struggle to provide a stable and nurturing environment. True parental sacrifice means making choices that benefit both parents and children.

You don’t have to be a martyr; divorce can be a self-improvement decision if you still attend to your children’s needs. Happier people are better at everything, including being better parents, which is a great gift for your kids and yourself.

5. Causes Relationship Breakdowns

Prolonged unhappiness within a marriage can gradually foster resentment and bitterness, which may ultimately seep into various aspects of one’s life, affecting relationships with friends and family. Children raised in such an environment may lack positive examples of loving relationships.

Stress and tension can inadvertently strain the parent-child relationship, causing resentment and strained connections, leaving children questioning the authenticity of their upbringing.

6. Disrupts Communication

An unsatisfactory marriage can lead to a communication breakdown between parents, complicating the establishment of fair child arrangements. Resolving issues as they arise is crucial for facilitating decisions in the children’s best interests. Redirecting efforts from a troubled marriage toward fostering a positive co-parenting relationship is essential.

In unhappy marriages, couples often struggle with effective communication, which can negatively influence their children’s ability to express feelings and thoughts, potentially impacting their future relationships and friendships. Teaching kids healthy communication and conflict resolution within a family setting is vital for enhancing their future relationships.

What did we learn?

Staying in an unhappy marriage can harm children by subjecting them to psychological stress, distorting their perception of healthy relationships, and potentially causing long-term emotional scars. Delaying divorce may not always protect them, and self-sacrifice may lead to an unsatisfactory family environment. Effective communication and prioritizing well-being can be key to mitigating these negative effects on children.