Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Signs You’ve Found a Therapist Who Truly Understands Couples

Let’s face it — no relationship is perfect. Even the strongest marriages can hit rough patches where communication breaks down, resentment builds, and emotional distance creeps in. When couples start to feel more like roommates or adversaries than partners, marriage counselling often becomes the next step. But walking into a therapist’s office is just the beginning. What really determines the success of therapy isn’t just the willingness of the couple — it’s whether the therapist truly gets both individuals, and more importantly, the relationship between them.

Not every therapist is skilled in working with couples. Some may apply individual therapy tools to a joint problem, while others may unintentionally take sides or fail to understand the emotional dance happening beneath the surface. That’s why finding the right therapist — someone who understands how couples work, fight, connect, and grow — is crucial. This is what India’s best couples’ therapist and marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, has to say via this article.

How Do You Know You’ve Found a Therapist Who Truly Understands Couples?

It’s not always obvious at first, but there are some clear signs you can look for — and feel — during your sessions, says Delhi’s top Gottman Certified Level 3 couples counselor Shivani Sadhoo.

They Focus on the Relationship, Not Just Two Individuals

A therapist who understands couples doesn’t just listen to each partner separately — they tune into the dynamic between you. They pay attention to how you talk to and about each other, how conflict patterns unfold, and how emotional needs are (or aren’t) being met. Instead of taking sides, they help each person see how they contribute to the cycle — and how to shift it together.

Both Partners Feel Heard and Safe

You should never feel like one person is being favoured or blamed. A skilled couples therapist creates a space where both people feel respected, validated, and safe to be vulnerable — even when the truth is hard to hear. If you leave sessions feeling ganged up on or ignored, that’s a red flag. The best therapists are emotionally attuned and make room for both voices, even when the pain is loud.

They Help You Understand the “Why” Beneath the Fights

Arguments about dishes or text messages are rarely about the dishes or the phone. A therapist who understands couples will gently guide you to the deeper layers — the fear of rejection, the longing for connection, the pain of unmet needs. They’re not just refereeing fights; they’re helping you understand what those fights are really about.

Progress Feels Measurable — Even if It’s Small

Good couples therapy doesn’t mean all problems disappear overnight. But you should start noticing small shifts: less reactive fights, moments of emotional closeness, more awareness of triggers, or new tools to manage conflict. A therapist who knows what they’re doing will help you track that growth and keep moving forward, not just recycle the same complaints week after week.

They Challenge You — Lovingly

A therapist who truly understands couples doesn’t just nod and sympathise. They challenge your assumptions, call out your defence mechanisms, and gently hold up a mirror — all with the goal of helping you reconnect, not criticise. Growth can be uncomfortable, and the right therapist doesn’t shy away from that discomfort. Instead, they help you work through it with compassion.

They Work to Help You Stay Together — Not Just “Manage the Breakup”

One of the clearest signs that you’ve found a therapist who truly understands couples is their commitment to helping you stay together, not subtly steering you toward separation. While a good therapist will never force a relationship to continue if it’s unhealthy or unsafe, they also don’t treat struggles as automatic signs that the marriage is doomed.

Instead, they come from a place of hope, assuming that most relationships can heal with the right tools, effort, and understanding. They explore what brought you together, what still exists between you, and what can be rebuilt. They believe in reconciliation where it’s possible and help you fight for your relationship, not just within it. If your therapist seems more invested in helping you reconnect than just exit gracefully, that’s a strong sign you’re with someone who truly understands the heart of couples work.

Marriage counselling can be one of the most transformative experiences in a relationship, but only when you’re in the hands of someone who genuinely understands the complexity of couplehood. The right therapist doesn’t just offer advice; they become a guide, helping you and your partner rediscover each other, repair emotional wounds, and rebuild the connection that brought you together in the first place.

If you find yourself leaving sessions feeling heard, challenged, and more hopeful than when you walked in, chances are you’ve found the right match. And in therapy, just like in love, the right match makes all the difference.

When relationships start feeling rocky, a lot of people begin searching for professional help. That’s usually when terms like couples therapy and marriage counselling start popping up. At first glance, they seem like the same thing, right? After all, both involve two people sitting down with a professional to talk through their relationship issues.

But here’s the thing—while the two are definitely similar, they’re not quite the same. And the confusion is completely understandable. Even therapists sometimes use the terms interchangeably. But suppose you’re thinking about seeking help. In that case, it’s worth knowing what sets them apart—because the right kind of support can make all the difference, says one of India’s top Gottman-certified couples therapists, Shivani Misri Sadhoo. First, let us clear up the fundamentals.

What is Marriage Counselling?

Marriage counselling is typically designed for married couples or partners in long-term committed relationships, who are dealing with specific, current problems. This could be anything from frequent arguments and lack of communication to disagreements about parenting, finances, or even emotional distance. The idea here is to help couples navigate through rough patches and find better ways to connect.

Think of it like a relationship first-aid. It’s often short-term and focused on resolving a particular issue. A marriage counsellor usually helps both partners improve communication, understand each other better, and rebuild trust. The overall goal is to restore balance and strengthen the relationship so that it can move forward in a healthier way.

What is Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy, on the other hand, goes much deeper. It’s not just about solving a problem—it’s about understanding why that problem exists in the first place. This kind of therapy explores the emotional and psychological patterns that are playing out in the relationship. Sometimes that means revisiting past experiences, personal traumas, or long-standing habits that keep showing up in conflicts.

Couples therapy is usually a longer process and tends to be more intensive. It’s ideal for couples dealing with chronic conflict, emotional disconnection, or those who feel stuck and unsure about the future of their relationship. A couples therapist helps partners dig into their emotional world and figure out not just what’s going wrong—but why.

What is the difference between couples therapy and marriage counselling?

The biggest difference between marriage counselling and couples therapy lies in their focus. Marriage counselling is more about present-day problems and practical solutions—it helps couples communicate better, handle conflict, and find common ground. Couples therapy, meanwhile, focuses on the emotional and psychological layers of the relationship. It aims to uncover deep-rooted patterns that often go unnoticed but continue to affect the way partners relate to each other.

In terms of duration, marriage counselling is usually short-term and goal-oriented, perfect for couples looking to fix a specific issue. Couples therapy is more of a long-term process that requires patience and self-reflection.

The approach is different too. Marriage counselling is often solution-focused and includes tools or techniques to improve communication. Couples therapy leans more toward emotional healing, helping both individuals understand their own feelings and how those feelings shape the relationship dynamic.

Marriage counselling is best suited for couples who are committed and facing challenges they want to overcome together. Couples therapy is ideal for those in more serious distress, where the issues run deeper, and the emotional connection needs rebuilding.

In the End, It is About What You Need

Both marriage counselling and couples therapy can be incredibly helpful, but they serve different purposes. If your relationship is facing a specific hurdle and you’re both ready to work through it, marriage counselling might be the way to go. But if things feel heavier, more emotionally complex, or you’re struggling to even communicate, couples therapy might offer the deeper support you need.

No matter which path you choose, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not failure. Relationships aren’t always easy, but the right kind of support can bring clarity, healing, and a whole new way of understanding each other.

How would you feel when you accidentally find out that your husband, whom you love dearly, is cheating on you? Once the initial shock wears off, you may find yourself cycling through various emotions, much like the stages of grief. Initially, there’s disbelief and perhaps a reluctance to accept the reality of the betrayal. Then, as the truth sinks in, pain and anger may set in.

But why do people cheat?

From a lack of attention or affection to deep-seated insecurities, the motivations for infidelity are myriad. It’s not just about physical transgressions; emotional betrayals cut just as deep. While men may reel more from physical infidelity, women often place a high value on emotional fidelity. So, what would you do in such circumstances? Should you forgive him or ignore it completely and let bygones be bygones?

How do you deal with your cheating husband?

India’s top marriage counselor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo answers your question in this article.

Verify The Facts First

First things first. Before jumping to conclusions, it’s crucial to gather solid evidence if you suspect your husband is cheating. Your gut feeling might be telling you something’s off, but you can’t accuse him without proof.

Take time to investigate: Is it innocent chatting or something more? Could it be work-related? Figure out the nature of his relationship with the other person. Look for concrete evidence like messages or meeting details before confronting him. Confirm your suspicions before taking action because wrongly accusing him can harm your relationship trust. It’s better to be sure than sorry.

Try and find out the reason

Once you’ve gathered the facts, exploring the real reason behind your husband’s infidelity is essential. It might be tough to ask and even tougher to hear, but understanding the root cause can be pivotal in moving forward.

It could unveil hidden relationship issues needing attention or reveal feelings of neglect or dissatisfaction. An open and honest conversation about infidelity’s catalyst can offer clarity and aid in both of your healing processes. Keep an open mind during this discussion to prevent your husband from shutting down or merely telling you what you want to hear.

Consider Your Feelings

When you discover your partner’s unfaithfulness, it’s important to prioritize your emotional well-being. Consider whether you feel comfortable sharing a living space with them as you process this betrayal. It’s okay to need space to think things through. If necessary, arrange for separate sleeping arrangements to give each other room to reflect. Take time to acknowledge and mourn the loss of trust in the relationship. Creating a safe environment to process these emotions is vital for your healing journey.

Don’t Look Back

There is no point in endlessly replaying conversations or questioning every detail when dealing with a cheating spouse. It’s natural to feel betrayed and wonder about what else may have been hidden, but dwelling on the past only leads to negativity and mistrust. Instead, focus on moving forward and healing, looking towards the future rather than getting stuck in hypotheticals. By working through the stages of healing and eventually forgiving both your partner and yourself, you can find peace and rebuild trust in your relationship.

Don’t involve the children

It is not wise to discuss your husband’s infidelity with your children. While it may seem tempting to seek revenge by exposing his actions, it can deeply affect your kids. They might not understand the complexity of the situation and could be scarred emotionally. Involving them could also make them feel scared and insecure about the stability of their family.

It’s important to shield them from this pain and turmoil. Keep things as normal as possible at home and refrain from involving extended family to avoid gossip and division. Instead of seeking revenge, focus on your own healing and well-being, for the sake of your children’s happiness and security.

It is quite clear from these steps that addressing infidelity in a relationship requires patience, understanding, and prioritizing emotional well-being. By verifying facts, exploring reasons, focusing on healing, and protecting children, couples can navigate this challenging journey with empathy and grace. If needed, seek support from a relationship counsellor or psychologist for guidance and resolution in processing and healing from infidelity.

In the tapestry of human existence, few threads are as enduring and cherished as the bonds we form in love. Relationships that withstand the trials of time possess certain timeless traits that contribute to their longevity and resilience. Let us know about the key elements that characterize thriving relationships, making them stand the test of time as shared by Delhi’s eminent marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this article.

What are the signs of a thriving relationship?

• Communication is Key: Effective communication is the cornerstone of any enduring relationship. Couples who openly express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns create a foundation of understanding and trust. Sharing both joys and challenges fosters a deeper connection and allows partners to grow together. In thriving relationships, communication is not just about talking but also about active listening, empathy, and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives.

• Mutual Respect: Respect is the bedrock upon which enduring love is built. Thriving relationships are characterized by a deep and abiding respect for each other’s individuality, values, and aspirations. Partners who value and honor each other’s autonomy are more likely to weather the storms of life together. Respect forms the basis for compromise, collaboration, and the ability to navigate differences with grace and understanding.

• Trust and Transparency: Trust is the lifeblood of lasting relationships. Partners who trust each other implicitly create an environment of emotional safety. Thriving relationships are marked by transparency and honesty, as secrets and deception erode the foundation of trust. Building trust takes time, but the dividends it pays in the form of a solid, enduring connection are immeasurable.

• Shared Values and Goals: Couples who share common values and long-term goals tend to have relationships that stand the test of time. While individual interests and pursuits are important, a shared vision for the future provides a sense of unity and purpose. Whether it’s building a family, pursuing career aspirations together, or sharing common hobbies, having shared goals creates a sense of partnership that strengthens the bond over the years.

• Adaptability and Flexibility: Life is a dynamic journey, filled with unexpected twists and turns. Thriving relationships exhibit adaptability and flexibility in the face of change. Partners who can navigate challenges together, adjusting their course as needed, are better equipped to sustain their connection over time. The ability to grow individually and as a couple, while embracing change with resilience, is a hallmark of relationships that endure.

• Emotional Support and Vulnerability: In thriving relationships, partners are each other’s pillars of strength. Emotional support and vulnerability are interwoven threads that create a tapestry of intimacy. Being able to lean on each other during difficult times and share vulnerabilities fosters a deep emotional connection. It is through these shared experiences that bonds are strengthened, creating a love that can withstand the trials of life.

Relationships that stand the test of time are characterized by a combination of effective communication, mutual respect, trust, shared values, adaptability, and emotional support. Cultivating these traits requires effort, commitment, and a genuine investment in the well-being of the relationship. As the journey of love unfolds, couples who embody these enduring qualities are better equipped to build a legacy of lasting, thriving love.

The discovery of infidelity often triggers a profound emotional upheaval. Betrayal can elicit a range of intense feelings, including anger, sadness, confusion, and even self-doubt. The betrayed partner may find themselves grappling with a rollercoaster of emotions that challenge their sense of self-worth and the very fabric of the relationship. It’s during these tumultuous times that one must approach the path to healing with utmost care and a commitment to preserving self-respect.

What are the things you should never do after being cheated on?

Leading marriage counselor and relationship expert, Shivani Misri Sadhoo suggests the things you should never do after being cheated on:

Don’t Jump to Conclusions: Discovering infidelity is emotionally charged, and the immediate reaction might be anger, sadness, or a combination of both. However, resist the urge to make impulsive decisions or accusations. Take the time to gather your thoughts, assess the situation, and communicate openly with your partner.

Avoid Retaliatory Cheating: Seeking revenge by engaging in retaliatory infidelity may seem like a way to level the playing field, but it only perpetuates a cycle of hurt and destruction. Instead, focus on understanding the root causes of the infidelity and deciding whether the relationship can be rebuilt.

Don’t Bottle Up Your Emotions: Suppressing emotions can lead to long-term issues such as resentment and anxiety. Allow yourself to feel the pain, betrayal, and sadness. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can provide a safe space for you to express your emotions.

Avoid Public Humiliation: Refrain from publicly shaming your partner on social media or within your social circle. While it’s natural to seek support, airing your grievances in a public forum can have long-lasting consequences and make the healing process more challenging.

Don’t Play the Blame Game: Although infidelity is a breach of trust, it’s essential to recognize that relationships are complex, and blaming one party entirely may oversimplify the situation. Engage in open communication to understand the factors that contributed to the infidelity without assigning sole responsibility.

Avoid Rushing into Decisions: The aftermath of infidelity is not the ideal time to make major life decisions, such as ending the relationship or filing for divorce. Give yourself the necessary time to process emotions and make decisions with a clear and rational mindset.

Don’t Ignore Self-Care: Neglecting self-care during this challenging time can lead to physical and mental health issues. Prioritize your well-being by maintaining a healthy lifestyle, seeking professional help if needed, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

Avoid Excessive Monitoring: While rebuilding trust is essential, constantly monitoring your partner’s every move can hinder the healing process. Striking a balance between transparency and autonomy is crucial for rebuilding trust in a relationship.

Don’t Rush into a New Relationship: Rebound relationships may offer temporary distraction but rarely provide a solid foundation for emotional healing. Take the time to focus on personal growth and healing before entering into a new relationship.

Avoid Making Permanent Decisions in a Temporary State: Infidelity creates a tumultuous emotional state, and making permanent decisions during such turmoil may lead to regrets later on. Give yourself the time and space needed to make decisions that align with your long-term goals and values.

The aftermath of infidelity is undoubtedly challenging, but navigating it with a level head, self-respect, and a commitment to personal growth can lead to healing and, in some cases, the rebuilding of trust in the relationship. Remember, everyone’s journey is unique, and seeking professional guidance can be a valuable resource in the process of recovery.

Marriage, a sacred union between two individuals, is a profound life decision that significantly influences the course of one’s existence. The timing of such a commitment plays a crucial role in its success. While societal norms often emphasize the importance of marrying early, there exists a compelling argument that marrying the wrong person prematurely can be far more detrimental than waiting until later in life.

Why is getting married late better than marrying the wrong person early?

Leading couples therapist and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares her views on this question in this blog.

The Rush to Commitment:

Society’s expectations and cultural norms often pressure individuals to tie the knot at a relatively young age. The fear of being labelled “too old” or the societal perception that marriage is a milestone that must be achieved by a certain age can lead many to make hasty decisions in choosing a life partner. However, the consequences of rushing into a commitment of such magnitude without proper self-discovery and understanding of one’s needs can be profound.

The Importance of Self-Discovery:

Marrying the wrong person early in life often stems from a lack of self-awareness and understanding. In the rush to meet societal expectations, individuals may neglect their personal growth and development. The early twenties, a period often associated with self-discovery and career building, may not be the optimal time for everyone to make a lifelong commitment. People evolve and change over time, and marrying too early may limit the opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery.

Changing Priorities and Values:

In the early stages of adulthood, individuals are still in the process of shaping their identities, career paths, and personal values. Rushing into marriage without fully understanding these aspects can lead to a misalignment of priorities between partners. As individuals mature, their values and life goals may evolve, potentially causing strain on the relationship if the couple has not grown together or if they have grown in different directions.

The Toll on Mental and Emotional Well-being:

Marrying the wrong person can take a significant toll on one’s mental and emotional well-being. Early divorces, which often result from hastily made decisions, can be emotionally devastating. The process of untangling lives, shared assets, and emotional bonds can be far more complex and emotionally draining than waiting until later in life when individuals have a clearer sense of self and a more stable foundation.

The Benefits of Waiting:

On the other hand, waiting to get married allows individuals the time and space to explore their own identities fully. It provides the opportunity to establish a stable career, build a solid support network, and gain a deeper understanding of personal values and priorities. Waiting until later in life to commit to marriage often results in more mature, well-rounded individuals who are better equipped to navigate the complexities of a lifelong partnership.

Whereas, societal expectations may emphasize the importance of marrying early, the potential consequences of marrying the wrong person prematurely cannot be ignored. Taking the time to embark on a journey of self-discovery, career development, and personal growth can significantly enhance the chances of entering into a successful and fulfilling marriage later in life. Individuals must prioritize their well-being and growth before succumbing to societal pressures, recognizing that marrying late, with the right person, is a far wiser choice than rushing into a commitment that may not withstand the test of time.

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, relationships often find themselves caught in the mundane monotony. The initial spark that once ignited passion and excitement may dwindle over time, leaving couples feeling disconnected. However, fear not, for there’s a delightful remedy that not only rekindles the flame but also adds an extra dash of excitement – cooking together as a couple.

Let us find out more from leading couples therapist and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

How Couple Cooking Can Transform the Ordinary into the Extraordinary, Infusing Relationship with Renewed Vitality?

Shivani Sadhoo says, given below factors arise while a couple cooks together:

1. Enhanced Communication

Cooking together is more than just following a recipe; it’s the subtle nods, shared glances, and synchronized movements that deepen connections beyond words. In the kitchen, communication becomes an art, vital for a successful dinner service at home, much like in a restaurant.

From chopping instructions to timing, cooking requires seamless collaboration, and developing non-verbal understanding. Solving culinary challenges together, whether it’s a salty soup or an overly sweet dessert, hones communication and problem-solving skills, creating a recipe for navigating life hand in hand.

2. Making Memories

Cooking together forms cherished memories, weaving special moments into the fabric of life. From Mother’s Day brunch to a Diwali feast, life’s milestones are often intertwined with food. Research indicates that the aroma of dishes holds a unique power to evoke potent memories.

In the kitchen, creating flavours and smells with loved ones becomes a recipe for lasting positive associations, igniting special recollections with every shared culinary adventure.

3. All About Teamwork

Cooking together is more than just chopping vegetables and stirring pots. It’s a chance to ace teamwork. Keeping the kitchen clean or doing dishes together is teamwork too. Whether you’re chopping veggies or cleaning up, divide tasks fairly. Even if cooking isn’t your thing, being in the same space matters. As adults, cooking builds curiosity, creativity, and teamwork—essential for healthy relationships.

4.  A Great Stressbuster

Cooking together is like a therapy session for couples. From chopping vegetables to boiling an egg – it’s a shared meditation that lets you escape life’s chaos. Spending that time with your love not only reduces stress but also triggers those feel-good hormones.

Life’s challenges can pile up, affecting relationships, but couple cooking brings warmth and connection. So, unwind, bond, and create something delicious amid the craziness. It’s not just a meal; it’s a recipe for a happier relationship.

5. Develop Intimate Bonding

In a world dominated by screens and constant connectivity, couple cooking offers a rare opportunity to unplug and focus on each other. The kitchen transforms into a haven, drowning out distractions for an intimate rendezvous. It’s a deliberate break from tech, a reminder to savor each other’s company. Sharing the effort of a homemade meal brings a unique satisfaction.

Complimenting each other’s culinary skills? That’s the secret sauce for feel-good vibes! Make at-home cooking dates a regular ritual; it’s a delicious way to spice up your bond.

When couples venture into the kitchen together, they set sail on a journey that transcends the ordinary. Beyond the sizzle of pans and the aroma of shared meals, cooking becomes a catalyst for enhanced communication, cherished memories, seamless teamwork, stress relief, and intimate bonding.

In the midst of chopping, stirring, and tasting, relationships find a recipe for renewal, transforming mundane moments into extraordinary connections that endure the test of time.

Did you think that only unmarried couples embark on romantic dates? Think again. As relationships mature, passion may dwindle. Whether you’ve been wed for years or just tied the knot, it is essential for married couples to continue nurturing their romantic connection. From unconventional outings to cozy home evenings, you can make these moments special for each other.

What could be some of the romantic night ideas?

Marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares innovative date night ideas to rejuvenate passion and keep the flame alive in long-term relationships.

1. Take a Simple Walk

Sometimes, amidst life’s complexities, a simple walk becomes a serene voyage for married couples. Engaging in unhurried strolls, hand in hand, under the moonlit sky fosters an intimate atmosphere. The unhurried pace allows for genuine conversations, rekindling the flame of connection and developing a renewed sense of shared companionship.

2. Plan A Romantic Movie Night

Sometimes, the simplest joys rekindle the flames of romance. Sharing a movie night at home, carefully curating a watchlist, and preparing snacks together not only offer comfort but also a chance to reminisce. Under the stars or in a cozy home cinema, this shared experience becomes a nostalgic journey, evoking emotions from the early days, building connections, and igniting the spark of love anew.

3. Art can create magic in your relationship

Engaging in artistic activities as a couple fosters a unique bond, rekindling romance through shared creativity. Whether attending a painting class or trying DIY projects at home, the collaborative process creates special memories.

Embracing imperfections, like sketching a partner in a funny costume, becomes a testament to the love invested. Art serves as a medium for connection, rekindling the spark and weaving a tapestry of shared experiences in marriage.

4. Add Melody to your relationship

Ever wondered how a simple Karaoke night could reignite the spark in your marriage? Singing together isn’t just about hitting the right notes; it’s a shared journey of laughter, vulnerability, and rediscovery. Embrace the imperfect melodies, and you’ll find that these harmonious moments foster a deeper connection, rekindling the romance that initially brought you two together.

5. Playing games

Did you know that playing games can spice up your marriage? Embracing your inner child through board games not only adds fun but also sparks joy and connection. It’s like a playful escape from reality, creating moments that rekindle the romance. So, why not ditch the mundane, pick a favorite game, and let the laughter and competition weave a new chapter of togetherness in your love story?

6. Let’s Cook Together

Whisking up a homemade feast together, from sizzling steaks to decadent desserts, turns your kitchen into a love-filled haven. As you chop, stir, and savor, the aroma of shared efforts creates a bond that goes beyond the dining table. Cooking as a couple not only ignites the stove but also sparks the flames of romance, reminding you both of the sweet symphony that first drew you close.

7. Read together

Sharing the joy of reading can reignite the spark in a marriage by creating intimate moments. As you both immerse yourselves in love sonnets or captivating stories, the shared experience builds a unique connection.

The act of reading together promotes intimacy, evoking emotions that revive the romantic essence. It’s a simple, yet profound, way to rediscover the enchantment that initially brought you together, making it a cherished date night activity.

From simple walks encouraging genuine conversations to artistic activities, movie nights, music, games, cooking, and reading together—each suggestion provides a unique avenue for couples to rekindle the flame, strengthening the bond of love.

Marriages are often celebrated as the union of two souls destined for eternal happiness. However, the reality is that not all marriages are made in heaven. The question of whether to endure an unhappy marriage “for the kids” is a complex dilemma.

When faced with the prospect of divorce, the decision becomes particularly challenging when children are involved. Should one persist in a toxic and joyless marriage for the sake of the children, or should they contemplate ending it?

Why continuing with an unhappy marriage is harmful for your children?

Leading marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo explains the following factors in the article further. These are:

1. Psychological Stress

An unhappy marriage is often fraught with tension, resentment, and conflict. Children are highly perceptive and can sense this negative atmosphere. Constant exposure to such stress can lead to emotional and psychological distress in children, affecting their overall well-being and development.

Kids are sensitive to their parents’ feelings, and when parents are unhappy, children may feel it’s their fault or experience anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem. These emotional scars can last a long time.

2. Builds Negative Perception

Children learn about relationships primarily through observing their parents’ interactions. In the context of an unhappy marriage, prolonged exposure can normalize dysfunctional dynamics for them. Consequently, their understanding of a healthy partnership becomes skewed, potentially leading to troubled future relationships.

An environment marked by emotional distance and hostility between parents hampers the development of vital emotional skills and communication patterns in children. Such situations breed unresolved conflicts and negatively impact a child’s perception of acceptable relationship norms, perpetuating cycles of unhappiness in their own future partnerships.

3. Delayed Divorce Does More Harm than Good

Remaining in an unhappy marriage until your children become independent may seem like a way to shield them from the upheaval of divorce or separation. However, this approach doesn’t always reduce their stress.

If your children have never experienced extended periods away from you, leaving home, particularly when they move to a new city for further education, can be highly distressing. The added burden of a divorce, coupled with new responsibilities, could potentially disrupt their studies and transition into adulthood.

4. Self-Sacrifice Can Be Dissatisfying

Sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of your kids may seem noble, but it can have negative consequences. Unhappy parents may struggle to provide a stable and nurturing environment. True parental sacrifice means making choices that benefit both parents and children.

You don’t have to be a martyr; divorce can be a self-improvement decision if you still attend to your children’s needs. Happier people are better at everything, including being better parents, which is a great gift for your kids and yourself.

5. Causes Relationship Breakdowns

Prolonged unhappiness within a marriage can gradually foster resentment and bitterness, which may ultimately seep into various aspects of one’s life, affecting relationships with friends and family. Children raised in such an environment may lack positive examples of loving relationships.

Stress and tension can inadvertently strain the parent-child relationship, causing resentment and strained connections, leaving children questioning the authenticity of their upbringing.

6. Disrupts Communication

An unsatisfactory marriage can lead to a communication breakdown between parents, complicating the establishment of fair child arrangements. Resolving issues as they arise is crucial for facilitating decisions in the children’s best interests. Redirecting efforts from a troubled marriage toward fostering a positive co-parenting relationship is essential.

In unhappy marriages, couples often struggle with effective communication, which can negatively influence their children’s ability to express feelings and thoughts, potentially impacting their future relationships and friendships. Teaching kids healthy communication and conflict resolution within a family setting is vital for enhancing their future relationships.

What did we learn?

Staying in an unhappy marriage can harm children by subjecting them to psychological stress, distorting their perception of healthy relationships, and potentially causing long-term emotional scars. Delaying divorce may not always protect them, and self-sacrifice may lead to an unsatisfactory family environment. Effective communication and prioritizing well-being can be key to mitigating these negative effects on children.

Finger-pointing can quickly turn a loving connection into a battleground of accusations and hurt feelings. Blaming is a natural human response to avoid responsibility, but it’s not constructive. It’s tough when the blame game becomes a regular part of a relationship.

Let’s find out why partners blame each other in a relationship and what are the ways to break this vicious cycle from India’s top relationship expert and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Why does the blame game begin?

Childhood experiences – These shape our coping and communication strategies. If individuals face blame or criticism, they may unconsciously blame others in relationships.

Protect Self-esteem – Blaming others helps preserve a positive self-image and shields self-esteem, as admitting fault might be perceived as a weakness.

Lack of Empathy – It hinders understanding others’ perspectives, leading to a tendency to blame instead of considering their viewpoint.

Ways to Deal with the Blame Game?

Shivani says, every problem has a solution, you simply need to find it. Some of the ways to deal with the blame games are:

1. Use “I” Statements – Instead of pointing fingers and using accusatory language, express your feelings and concerns using “I” statements. For example, say, “I feel hurt when you blame me for everything” rather than “You always make me feel bad for …”

2. Accept your fault – Acknowledge your own mistakes and be willing to apologize when necessary. This sets a positive example and encourages your partner to do the same.

3. Forgive and Forget – Learning to forgive and forget involves letting go of past grievances and not holding on to grudges. It means releasing the need to continuously blame each other for past mistakes and choosing to move forward with a fresh outlook, fostering understanding and healing in the relationship.

4. Identify the root cause – Identify the root problems causing conflicts. Focus on understanding each other’s perspectives without immediately assigning blame. By pinpointing the real issues, you can work together to find constructive solutions and improve your relationship.

5. Be Patient – Practice patience by actively listening without interrupting or becoming defensive. Empathize with your partner’s feelings, communicate calmly, and avoid retaliating. This fosters understanding, promotes healthier discussions, and strengthens the bond between you both.

6. Nobody is Perfect – Of course, no relationship is without its hiccups. We’re only human, after all. So, let’s set realistic expectations and understand that perfection is not the goal here. It’s about progress. Celebrate the small wins along the way and acknowledge that change takes time.

7. Talk to each other – Healthy communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. Both partners must be willing to express their thoughts and emotions openly without fear of judgment or criticism. Encourage each other to share feelings and listen actively without interrupting or becoming defensive. This way, both partners can understand each other’s perspectives and work together to find constructive solutions.

8. Listen to each other – Actively listen to each other’s perspectives without interruption or defensiveness. Mutual respect and validation of each other’s feelings are essential. Together, find solutions to address the issue constructively, focusing on changing behavior rather than assigning blame.

9. Seek Professional Advice – Overcoming the blame cycle can be tough, especially if it’s ingrained. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be highly beneficial. A neutral third party can identify toxic patterns, offer insights, and guide partners toward healthier communication and conflict resolution.

10. Be Compassionate – show understanding and empathy toward your partner’s feelings and perspectives. This approach encourages open communication, fosters connection, and paves the way for resolving conflicts constructively.

It is never too late to break free from the blame cycle and embrace a healthier, happier future together. Relationships are a journey of growth, and learning from challenges and mistakes can lead to stronger connections and personal development.