Category Archive : marriage Counselling Tips

best marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

SIGNS YOU NEED MARRIAGE COUNSELLING

A large number of marriages are ending in divorces and that too in a society where marriage is considered a sacred thing. It would not take much to know that marriage is not a cakewalk any more at least in today’s fast life.  Marriage needs some serious hard-work, and it is something that most of us fail to focus on.

Though it starts with all the promises of a happily-ever-afters and story like romances, it actually is far away from this. Marriage involves understanding each other on levels beyond sexual compatibility, involving the minors and majors of daily lives. Have you and your partner been sharing a house but not a relationship? Have you been pondering where the spark went off and why you the two of you cannot even have a decent discussion? Well, as a matter of fact, it happens to several couples, some are quick to rebound while some need external help. This is when marriage counseling comes into play. If your marriage is kind of hanging on the rocks, then you can do with some good advice and look for marriage counseling.

In today’s article, Delhi’s top Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about the signs you need marriage counseling.

You Hardly Talk To Each Other

Effective communication is the secret to solving most problems in life. But if you and your spouse seem to be drifting away from talking to each other, there is something that is definitely not quite right. A marriage counselor can help you communicate effectively with each other, in some innovative ways. Crumble in communication levels between a couple is the first sign of trouble.

When You Talk, It Always Ends Up In Fight

There is always a negative communication. Whenever you two talk, it ends up in a bitter argument or a fight and you end up belittling each other. You ridicule each other or use harsh words and tones to prove your point. While some individuals withdraw from these conversations, some continue to harp on it for hours together. This can even translate into emotional abuse in your marriage.

You Fight For Money And Are Financially Incompatible

Some couples have dissatisfaction with money and finances. Sometimes it is about one partner making more money than the other or the other spending far too much on unnecessary things. Sometimes, one partner feels they do not have sufficient money and gets anxious. Sometimes, the fight is about sharing the expenses. In all these cases, a marriage counselor can help you resolve your concerns about finances and help you get ways to compromise your financial situations.

You Withdraw Love And Care As A Way To Punish

Well, this is actually the most used weapon. Some spouses opt to withdraw all love and care for their partner in an attempt to punish the other after an argument or a fight. They often resort to silent treatment and if you receive this, then it is time to look for help.

When Big Life Changes Happens

Whether it is parenthood, a change in job, moving to a new city, loss of a close family member or something else some disruption in your marriage and life is inevitable. You could be prudent to seek therapy while you go through these changes to cope effectively.

You Are Not On The Same Page On Intimacy And Sex

Sex creates the backbone of marriage. Having too little or excessive sex indicates there is a problem. Some women tend to avoid sex after an unpleasant argument, while some men indulge in too much of it after feeling guilty of some issue. Balanced sex life is a must for a happy marriage, and if that is not happening, you may seek marriage counseling.

You Keep Secrets

Couples who are transparent with each other have relatively better and happy marriages. Partners feel more secure in a relationship when they have the confidence that they know everything about their partner. The moment secrets start creeping in, insecurities start to brew. These minor insecurities sometimes add to big issues and destroy a marriage. A marriage counselor can help you seek changes, and prepare you better for the challenges ahead.

INDICATIONS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS GOING DOWNHILL

Everything was perfect between you and your spouse after you tied in the knot. In fact, years after your wedding, you were enjoying each other’s company and exchanging pleasantries. You had every reason, to believe that your dream marriage is going to stay forever.

But now there is a twist in your story.

You both have all of a sudden started bickering over minor issues and a feeling of trifling between you two are growing at an alarming pace. The innocuous arguments that kept your love as an eternally burning flame until now, have turned into rounds of intermittent altercations. There was a period when you used to fall head over heels for each other, now you are finding it hard even to get along.

Is this what is reflecting your own life nowadays? Are you feeling a similar change of emotion and attitude for your partner?

Ups and downs are bound to happen in any relationship and the testing times like these give couples a chance to grow stronger. But it doesn’t necessarily occur all the time and therefore, one has to address the bothersome doubts and if possible, nip the issues in the bud.

In this article, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Delhi’s top marriage counseling expert talks about indications your relationship is going downhill. Here they are.

Sudden Breakdown In Communication

The first calamity of any troubled relationship is the breakdown of communication. The breaking down of communication does not necessarily mean you have completely stopped talking. It essentially means the way of your communication has changed considerably. That is, now you are just speaking with each other inadequately not connecting to each other heart to heart. So, it is actually a bad sign when speaking to each other seems cursory. If the pattern of your communication persists the same way, it creates a distance and disconnection in your marital life. As a result, it makes you feel lesser affection and fondness for your partner. When communications get hampered in this way than the things that otherwise appear simple to talk about starts giving uncomfortable feelings now. If you are caught up in a similar scenario, just give your relationship the topmost priority rather than doing anything else.

Trust Is Fading Away

Trust is one of the most important factors of a relationship. If you are even remotely feeling the trust between you two is wearing away, it shows your relationship is going to get a jolt sooner or later. In general, the common worry linked with the lack of trust is that one partner thinks the other one might be doing something suspicious. This is a precarious situation that often leads to a lot of quarrels, which in turn results in all forms of accusations being thrown around. Such a situation will add another layer of the problem in your relationship because you or your spouse will start asking questions about something that may not be happening at all.

Arguments Over Same Things Keeps Happening

Disagreement with your partner over several issues is a common thing because that’s what individual opinions are all about and your marriage or relationship is no different. But when the ego gets bigger and then arguments happens even on pettiest of issues; then these are warning bells. It will then be just a matter of time when your arguments will turn into mudslinging, name-calling, or even cross the limits of respectful disagreements. If you let your arguments seriously up the ante like this and blame each another, you might end up damaging your relationship.

No More Excitement

There were days when you were so much into romance but now something is wrong, and you are confused where all the fun has gone. You loved to give and get surprises every now and then, you used to go for vacations, enjoying sex and you both were busy making memories for your lifetime. But the same excitement now does not exist. It is even impossible for you to go on a date. But there is always a possibility of something good may happen. If you are sure it’s the lack of fun and excitement that is harming your relationship, ensure to double it up now. Make every effort small or big to make your partner laugh and happy. Things will become smoother.

You Are No More Careful About Your Partner’s Views And Desires

Sometimes a complaint can turn into criticism and if it converts into a personality or character judgment, then the base of your marriage has started shaking up. If you are further putting each other down or continuously criticizing each other, you are no longer a good couple. The worse situation is if you do not respect your partner anymore, then it is highly unlikely that you will love your partner again. It is therefore vital to respect your partner’s views and desires to keep your relationship going.

TIPS TO AVOID THE 7-YEAR ITCH IN YOUR MARRIAGE

At some point in several long-term relationships, couples experience a rough patch, a time when they spar more than normal, feel bored and restless, and might even fantasize about being with someone else. This psychological term “7-year itch” became trendy in the 1950s when a movie by the same name handled the notion that many of you lose interest in your monogamous relationships after 7 years (though it is more popularly remembered as the movie where Marilyn Monroe posed over a subway grate while her white dress blew above her thighs).

If you or your spouse become inflicted with the 7-year itch, it does not mean automatic divorce.  On the contrary, it is completely normal.

In any venture boredom sets in overtime — this is due to the novel becomes the routine, after 7 years, many couples go through this period.  They find their partner irritating or boring and wonder if they’d be better off in a different relational state. But you don’t have to lose your sleep over it. In fact, consider it as a sign to improve your relationship. It’s quite easy to fix that feeling.

In this article, Delhi’s top Marriage Counsellor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo share tips to avoid the 7-year itch in your marriage. Here they are:

Change The Way You Think About Love

Many people mistake love for a noun, whereas, in reality, it’s a verb, an action that’s dynamic, constantly inflow. It’s not a static thing. Think of love as water and your relationship as a long and winding river that makes it flow. Yes, there would be quiet pools and rocky patches, but that’s part of the adventurous journey. And adventure is a nice thing.

Sex Is Perhaps Going To Change

Everyone remembers the hot and passionate sex couples were having at the start of their relationship: At times the kind of sex that made you call in sick from work. You may still enjoy bouts of passionate sex, certainly, but you must know that your sex life will change because your bodies and libidos change as you grow further. Do not think your sex life needs to be that of a 25-year-old. As you age, your sex drives diminish. This is a function of your biology. Allow your sex life to change over time. If you expect it to remain the way it was, you’ll destroy its present and future expression.

Work On Yourself First

It is easy to blame your spouse when your relationship bores, irritates, or makes you upset, and to think things like this. If only he would do the dishes from time to time; if only he cared about holidays and so on.  But blaming your spouse, then trying to change them will only lead to acrimony and anger. These emotions damage relationships. The best remedy for an interesting relationship is to become an interesting person. What you can do runs the spectrum, from taking a new route to work, to reading books, to playing board games together rather than watching TV at night. After all, small steps lead to big shifts in personality and perception.

Experience Life Together

The ideal way to combat boredom in a relationship is to fill your life with wonderful adventures that you can look forward to as a couple,

If you have children, make it a point to (minimum twice a year) take a vacation from them. You can really appreciate each other when the children are not around. If you cannot take a vacation, have a relative or friend watch them for a weekend and opt for a ‘staycation.’ Do something physical together. Go hiking or for a run, exercise is an amazing bonding experience.

Communicate Often

If you want to avert bickering over nonsense, the best stuff you can do as a couple learns to communicate frequently and without restrictions. Talk frequently and honestly to each other about your problems, sex, anger, disappointment, and appreciation of each other. No topic should be avoided. Learn to listen and communicate rather than fighting. Fighting is childish, and you aspire for a grown-up relationship.

Get Handsy

Hugging and touching has long been proven to lower stress, strengthen the immune system, and release oxytocin, that helps people bond with each other. Thus, it’s no surprise that touching your partner on a regular basis can keep you more connected and in sync with each other’s physical and emotional needs.

Sit near your significant one, and gently place your hand on their shoulder, leg, or arm. If you are in the car, lightly touch his/her shoulder or arm. You’ll notice your conversation becomes warmer and more caring. If you have been struggling, or are ready to forgive each other, facing each other and holding both hands will help you feel more strongly connected and reassured.

5 Essential Tips to Survive Your Spouse’s Midlife Crisis

Often very few people are capable of managing the midlife crisis, learn from it, and move on towards a more fruitful life. There are few who transforms into a smaller form of their personality and impose colossal discomfort on the people around them. Primarily focusing on self and your kids can be understood as the easiest way of surviving your partners midlife crisis.

Even if your spouse handles their midlife crisis without doing much harm or damages to people around, they tend to go through changes of some kind. These alterations may leave you wondering about what could be done to help yourself (and your spouse) in saving your relationship. Surviving your spouse’s midlife crisis is not an easier task but it is workable when you take the right steps.

In this article, Delhi’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talk about 5 essential tips to survive your spouse’s midlife crisis.

Focusing On Your Children And Self

You aren’t doing any great favors to yourself and your spouse if you are obsessed with what their thinking or actions are. Don’t be too over-possessive. Still, however, you have complete control over the choices you make.

Shift your focus on things that are in your control. No use of overthinking about your spouse’s problems, it’s often that you are filled with negative thoughts in your head. These negative thoughts will eventually impact you and your kids.

It’s best to fill your time with a hobby that will distract you from your spouse’s behaviors during their mid-life crisis. If there is a stressful environment at home, plan for activities for yourself and your children away from that environment. Do take steps that will keep you and your kids from becoming victims during your spouse’s midlife crisis.

Defining Clear Boundaries With Your Spouse

The simplest way to keep your spouse’s ruthless behavior from creating stress in your life is to defining boundaries and sticking to those boundaries with your spouse. In case your spouse is cheating on you, make them realize that this part of their life shouldn’t allow intruding into your life. Simply tell him or her that you don’t want to know anything about their extramarital relationships and tell that you don’t want to be in a conflict or be a part of a love triangle.

There may be an instinct to find out about the other person. Even spying on your spouse, reading their emails, checking their mobile phones and hacking their computers, these tend to be feeding your curiosity to know about them. But the fact is, people going through a midlife crisis, will do what continues with relationships regardless of what your feelings are. Let it go. Let things take up its own course and gracefully accept the fact that you have no control over the situation. Don’t let it hamper your way of living your life.

Channelize Your Anger Towards A Healthy Way

Often Anger could be considered as a normal reaction to your spouse’s midlife crisis, especially when it is adversely affecting you. The anger could be at its optimal, but venting out it will only make you feel better in the short-term. For some, talking things out can help ease their feelings, while others find that it exacerbates the situation. Venting the anger on your spouse spontaneously won’t change his or her behavior, but will lead to more complications in your relationship.

The best way to vent out the anger is to have a non-confrontational approach. Join a gym, throw water balloons against the house walls. Burn the pictures of bad memories and flush out. The approach is to cope up with your anger in a manner that doesn’t involve your spouse. Screaming, cursing, or crying won’t impact your spouse who is going through a midlife crisis.

Don’t Start A Talk On Relationship With Your Spouse

In any relationship, there is an option of discussing relationships & solving every problem mutually. But you’re no longer that couple and you cannot expect your spouse to care about working through your relationship issues.

In place of living in your past relationship sweet memories, pick up new hobbies, focus on your career, or find reasons to be away from your house. Make a habit of prioritizing yourself which can truly help you get healed.

Listen Without Any Judgmental Notions

When your spouse initiates a conversation with you, listen without being too critical. Chances are that your spouse might be experiencing self-doubts and confused about what they are going through, so listening em-pathetically is the key. Any sarcastic comments are to be avoided. It is easier said than done, particularly when they seem to be irrational or are undeserving of your sympathy.

Essential Tips To Let Go Off a Failed Relationship – By Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

If you have been blindsided or confused by a breakup, you’re probably thinking about what exactly went wrong. You likely have plenty of unanswered questions that are hindering you from moving forward. But rather than staying stuck in one place once your relationship has ended, it is essential to ease yourself out of your rut and start moving further.

In this article, Delhi’s renowned marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares essential tips to let go of a failed relationship.

After all, the only way to gain a sense of freedom following a breakup is to accept the real situation and move in a new direction.

Cut Ties with Your Ex

First and foremost, implement a no-contact rule. For instance, if you were married and have recently filed for divorce, insist on maintaining only minimal contact going forward. And when you do see each other, follow the given rules: Be polite, be concise and be gone. The important part is that you need to begin building a life without your ex-partner in it, no matter how much you would like to tie up loose ends or get your questions about the breakup answered.

It does not matter why you broke up, what matters is that you have broken up. If he wasn’t a person enough to tell you why your partner was breaking up with you, then that’s just a further sign that he or she is not a person you want in your life.

Remember That It Is Over For a Reason

Write down a minimum of 10 reasons why your relationship didn’t work out. Then read it whenever you find yourself craving to rekindle the flame. It’s important to realize that the relationship wasn’t perfect.

Our tendency is to look back blindingly, but we forget to look at the things that simply were not working. Be honest with yourself about what wasn’t working for you in your relationship; it is a process that will help you see the relationship from a more realistic angle.

By looking at the things that did not work, you can begin to come to the conclusion on your own that this wasn’t correct for both of you. It will help you move on.

Remove Your Ex from Your Social Media Networks

Unfriend your ex on Facebook, stop following him/her on Twitter and even consider doing the same with any close friends of his who you have connected with through social media. If you can’t, you’ll have the temptation of wanting to know what’s happening in his life – and you almost cannot help following what’s going on.

It will seem harsh, but if you keep seeing or checking updates from your ex or his friends, it’s a kind of self-torture. Stop making yourself available to these types of experiences immediately.

Start Moving Forward In Your Life

There is a saying that the best revenge is living well and we’re inclined to believe that sentiment. Instead of pining away over something that didn’t work out, it is better using all that time and energy to improve yourself.

This is the time to take a good look at your priorities and find out which direction you want to go. You can start marching towards your brilliant future sooner than you actually think.

Whether you like it or not, your relationship has come to an end. The quicker you get on with the rest of your life, the better off you’ll be. Stop trying to find out what went wrong or what you could have done differently, and instead just accept your situation for what it is so you could heal.

Ways to Deal With a Workaholic Spouse – Relationship Tips by Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Life is really fast these days. And, it is difficult to tell if it’s a compliment or not to be called a workaholic. There, was a time, when working hard was considered as the key to a successful and happy life, and the sole way to achieve the pot of gold. But with time few things have changed. With the advent of smartphones and the internet, the lives have changed considerably.

Now due to this people are hooked to their work even when they are supposed to spend the time with their spouse or loved ones. Such is the scenario that for many people day starts at 7:00 AM in the morning till 7:00 PM in the evening and even after that people keep their smartphones or laptops near bedside to frequently check them even when their partner is sleeping or lying next to them. Being workaholic is not bad. But when it starts to impact your relationship and family then it is a matter of grave concern. So, it is essential to develop balance cooperation between your work and life.

In this article, Delhi’s renowned marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tell about ways to deal with a workaholic spouse.

Is it a system or a one-off?

Is there an imminent deadline? A financial shortage? A forthcoming presentation?  Sometimes you all have to sacrifice the common thing for the exceptional situations, even when those around us pay a bigger price. Squarely analyzing the frequency of all the pattern can stop harsh words and worse explosions. If it happens consistently and regularly, then address it. If not, try and let it go. Do not make an incident a system if you do not need to.

Analyze Work Pattern

Does your partner attend to more meetings than usual she or he is supposed to? Do they actually have to read every paperwork and make every decision? Sometimes what you are handling with is not a workaholic, it is a total freak. If this is the scenario, pitch your partner on how you wish to help them free up more time for high-level, strategic meaningful work instead of the operational specifics they get sucked into.

Create A Fixed Routine

If it’s your beloved spouse who seems missing in action, then you might gain from a newly negotiated contract for time spent. Maybe the bedroom becomes that gadget-free zone you want, or one of you gets up 20-25 minutes earlier for a cup of morning tea before the great hassle. Agree that 2 nights in a week are sacred and can be called off only in times of an emergency. You can do a similar thing with a business partner. Agree, for instance, that every Monday from 9:30 AM to 10:30 AM is for the both of you to strategize out the week out, or Friday from 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM. to review, recap, and forecast the days ahead.

Have A Plan Then Reassess The Same

Decide as partners what is negotiable, non-negotiable and not as important. Link it to certain events and routines date night? Division of household works? Vacation or meeting planning? You would rather make all the decisions anyway. And then talk about it six months in. What is working and what is not? Is anyone feeling bitter or taken advantage of?

Focus On Yourself

Does not matter how much you accommodate the other, how often and peacefully you state your wishes, or how much you try to adapt, you cannot always change someone. If their conduct is really self-destructive, you just have to expect that they see it, too. Think about what you require for yourself and expand that sense of self-reliance and competency by broadening a skill set, making decisions independently, and pursuing what you are interested in – while always interacting with them, without acrimony, what you are up to.

Concentrate On The Partnership

As long as you access it from that point of view – without grudge – your workaholic partner will be much more open to a logical and business-like conversation, whether they share your office or your bed.

Habits That Can Destroy Your Relationship if You Allow Them

– Important Relationship Advise Shared by Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

The love between you and your special one may be flowing smoothly at the moment, but if you want it to continue the same way, it will help to take stock of possible bad habits that could destroy your relationship if you allow them. Even the best of romantic bonds has scope for improvement, so why not analyze your situation for signs of habits that can have tendencies to sabotage your relationship and kick them out before they even get the chance to destroy a good thing?

If you spot them early, you can nullify these bad habits and avoid unintentionally screwing up your relationship. Honestly, there is no better incentive than to do a check-in with your partner to ensure your romance is as healthy as possible.

Delhi’s top marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo talk about habits that can destroy your relationship if you allow them.

Assuming You Know How Your Partner Feels

You notice that suddenly your partner walked in the room looking gloomy, so naturally, that meant they were unreasonably miffed at you for something you probably did not do. Before you know it, you have launched into defensive mode, and instead of helping to remove the bad vibes, you have managed to spread them, making both you and your partner feel bad.

You should be aware that making assumptions can be damaging to our relationships because they never allow partners to share their situation, which makes them feel unheard.

Refusing To Accept Criticism

It can be really hard to take criticism from the one you love the most, particularly when you see all the shortcomings they have yet to work on. And absolutely no one wants to hear about all the those they mess up constantly. But if your partner is trying to give you some constructive feedback about where they see an area for improvement in the relationship, ignoring their suggestion could possibly lead them to have disrespect for you, which can ultimately break down the bond you share.

Not Communicating Openly About Sex

You need to understand that supposedly the amazing thing you do in bed is actually a major turn-off to your partner, but you or your partner is too uncomfortable to address it. Whatever it requires, talking to your partner openly about your sex life is the only option to improve it. Otherwise, you will continue to suffer in silence and the unaddressed matter could strongly destroy what was once a good thing.

Suppressing Your Anger

As a couple, you often think that things are going great between you and your beloved, and you simply do not want to ruin them by bringing up some unpleasant stuff that could lead to a tense argument. You need to know that being angry is not always a bad thing to do. At times if you are angry can help you share your concerns. It can disallow others from walking all over you. It can motivate you to do something positive. The key is managing your anger in the correct way.

Keeping Score

Not only is this tiresome and nit-picky, but it shows that you do not trust your partner to carry their weight in the relationship. If you feel it necessary to monitor everything your partner does (or do not do) in order to make sure you are being treated fairly, you could be the obstacle in your relationship.

Not Fighting Fair

Silent treatments, gaslighting, stonewalling or yelling during an argument will certainly wear down even the best of partners. If you say you love a person, then those feelings should still be evident even when you are not getting along. Using manipulation tactics will only alienate you and guarantee that whatever rift you are experiencing will only grow further.

Frequently Raking Up The Past

If you cannot let go of what occurred in the past, your relationship could be history sooner or later. Being obsessed with prior arguments or lapse your partner made makes it very difficult to move forward. Consider consulting a couple’s therapist to work through your problems in a healthy manner so you can both approach the future with a clear mind.

Not Allowing Your Partner Personal Space

Quelling your partner because you are worried, they will leave you is one simple way to take your relationship from good to bad and then to non-existent. In fact, giving your partner space is more important for a couple’s happiness and contentment than enjoying great sex life.

P.S. If you are in a relationship with someone you truly love and respect, the last thing you want on your conscience is realizing that you allowed a fixable bad habit to destroy your relationship.

Your Poor Sleep May Be Destroying Your Relationships, warns Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

In a properly functioning body, sleep helps the brain to process your emotions and memories at the optimum level. When you wake up well-rested your brain maintains a healthy mental and physical energy all throughout your day.

On the other hand, sleep deprivation restricts brain’s ability to do just the superficial activities like sticking to a daily routine work. All throughout the day, the person may find challenges to gather enough mental energy to think and innovate and at night the brain would get so much exhausted that simple relationship activity like conversations with partner, romantic feelings and sexual drive may turn Zero.

Across the world, scientific research is gradually suggesting that sleep may be the biggest factor in maintaining a good relationship. Quality of sleep of either one or both the partners may affect everything from attraction to break-ups. Today India’s leading relationship and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares how poor sleep can be affecting your relationship.

1.       Poor sleep habits generally turn a person unattractive 

After all nobody like the company of a mentally exhausted person, even the emotionally tired person himself/herself looks for solace. In a relationship too, mental exhaustion that is generally triggered by poor sleeping habits, reduces attraction between partners.

2.       Poor sleep can fuel conflicts. 

Research suggests that sleep deprivation is one of the primary causes of couple conflicts. Poor sleep leads to poor or irritated mood that causes frequent couple conflict, less understanding of partners’ emotions, and poorer conflict resolution.

3.    Sleep issues may increase marital aggression.

People with poor sleep habits often find it hard to control their impulses. This is one of the most discreet triggers for degradation of relationship quality. Scientific studies have confirmed the links between sleep trouble, self-control, and aggressive behaviors. Hence problematic sleep translates to lower self-control, couples suffer from more aggression in their marriages.

4.       Healthy sleep encourages a healthy sex life. 

Behavioral studies have identified that men and women are less likely to be in the mood for sex if they’re sleep deprived. Good and adequate sleep translated to more sexual desire and more likelihood of engaging in sex with a partner. 

Pre-Wedding Anxieties? Here are 4 Warning Signs that should tell you to say NO to a Marriage Proposal

Today Indian girls are touching skies in the field of the profession, research, army and what not. But still we are socially and culturally programmed where girl’s parents have to spend exaggeratedly on the wedding day, and still, educated Indians have been witnessed to take and give dowry in the name of social customs. 

Unfortunately, following these cultural and social norms, lot of people develop the perception that wedding day is THE VITAL day of their and their loved one’s life. Sadly, people often forget that a wedding day is just, only one day. What truly matters is the fact that man and women’s commitment to spend their rest of life with one another. 

Hence a lot of time, due to months-long mental pressures, tensions, and financial burden for preparing the ONE wedding day, bride and bride’s parents – OFTEN ignore warning signs from the man (bridegroom).  These signs could tell them that the man is not right for the girl. This is one of the major triggers that result in a failed selection of bridegroom in an arranged marriage setup. 

India’s leading relationship and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares that never ignore any doubt at any point before the wedding. This doubts may come in the form of wedding jitters, bridal nerves, cold feet. But what you shouldn’t do is ignore the fact that your subconscious might be signaling an alarm that something is not right. So yes, pay attention to those lurking doubts you’re having because they’re acting as indicators that trouble might lay ahead!

Here are some of the major warning signs that tell every girl, and her parents that the guy is not right:

1. Cheated once before

The psychological fact states that people’s core nature never changes. If the prospective bridegroom has cheated someone before, there is a very BIG chance that he will repeat the same. Don’t hold wrong expectations if you came across this information, it does not matter if you end up becoming world’s best wife or not in the future, people generally tend to follow their tendencies with due course of time.

2. Puts you down in front of his friends

If you witness the person has the tendency of making fun of you and putting you down in front of friends, remember such an attitude will not contribute in a strong relationship in the future. This will start hurting your self-esteem and later, your relationship with him.

3. History of abuse

If there is any history of emotional or physical abuse that you come to know either by trusted someone or if the person shares himself and justify the action like in the past he used to get angry easily and once he slapped his ex-girlfriend and promises to never be like that again. Stay away from such person, no matter how many promises he makes he will fall back to his tendencies with the course of time.

4. Thorough background check

No matter how well you know the guy or your parents know the guy’s family or if he is been referred by your own relatives, never ever proceed with a marriage proposal without a thorough background check. Check particularly the following areas:-

a.       If the guy or his family accurately speak about the guy’s professional situation.

b.      Check if there is any history of addiction for drugs, alcohol, sex or gamble.

c.       Any history of emotional and physical abuse.

d.      Financial stability.

Tips To Rekindle Your Marriage – Key Relationship Tips For Long-Married Couples

First comes love, then marriage, and comes happily ever after. This is how the story ends right? It happens in every romantic movie or a bestseller, but not in real life. Though it is true that couples might relax for a while after they have tied the knot. In reality, they may feel to start confused or worried if or when their fairy tale starts to go wrong.

Lots of people think that marriage is about marrying the right person, so when things go wrong, they automatically go downhill. Suddenly, you will start thinking that you have accidentally married the wrong person. And the syndrome of HAPPILY EVER AFTER gets shattered.

Although you always want to marry someone you are fundamentally compatible with. The truth is marriage has a lot less to do with marrying the right individual than it has to do with doing the right things with the person you have married. In simpler words, relationships are a constant work in progress.

In this article renowned marriage counselor and relationship expert, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares few tips to rekindle your marriage.

1.Avoid Entering Into a Critical Mindset

There could be a time when your partner may do something that hurt you, and never feel sorry for it. Maybe they even continue to do so, despite you letting them know that it annoys you. This can cause you to generate bitterness towards them. At a certain point, any person in a marriage may find themselves observing their partner through a critical lens. Spouses also start magnifying or zooming in on their partner’s mistakes, recording their flaws, and making a case to use at a later stage. It is far too simple when you live in close quarters with someone to choose them apart and get annoyed at some of their habits, wherein the truth is, your partner probably always had those qualities, even when you first fell in love.

2. Treat Your Spouse with Kindness

Rather of being critical, try treating your partner with kindness. As this is the ultimate key to keeping your love alive. It has been observed that taking more loving actions indeed makes you feel more in love. In any conversation with your partner, whether it is personal or practical, always try to be kind in how you convey yourself. This way it softens your partner, even in heated moments. Continuing to be loving and generous has an enormous payoff as it not only keeps love alive, it nourishes a deeper level of intimacy.

3. Stay Clear Of Projection

Projection is a psychological defense system in which people accuse others of behaving or feeling a particular way because, in reality, they themselves feel that way. Projection can stem from difficult childhood experiences that get carried into adulthood. One of the common reason couples become so critical towards their spouse is that they tend to project the negative attribute of their parents or caretakers onto their partners. They also try to assume their spouse will act in the same manner that has hurt them in the past and often misread their partner’s words and actions.

4. Reflect On What You Love and Admire In Your Partner

Think of qualities about your partner you admire or feel amused by. If you like that he/she is adventurous, keep sharing new activities. If you enjoy your partner’s playfulness in your communication, encourage bantering and the exchanging new ideas. If you value that your spouse is warm and affectionate, ensure to connect with them every day, rather than getting caught up in other daily things. Your wife or husband will appreciate your interest in doing things with them that you know they love, and it is possible they will do the same for you.

5. Define Your Problems

Spend a few moments looking at your relationship and figure out which areas work and which don’t. Just imagine of perfect day in your perfect relationship. What would this look like? How would you and your spouse interact? Then develop a plan of how you might get from point X (your current situation) to point Y (the perfect day). Jot it down if you require so, then start breaking the issues into small-size pieces and resolving them one at a time.