In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, relationships often find themselves caught in the mundane monotony. The initial spark that once ignited passion and excitement may dwindle over time, leaving couples feeling disconnected. However, fear not, for there’s a delightful remedy that not only rekindles the flame but also adds an extra dash of excitement – cooking together as a couple.

Let us find out more from leading couples therapist and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

How Couple Cooking Can Transform the Ordinary into the Extraordinary, Infusing Relationship with Renewed Vitality?

Shivani Sadhoo says, given below factors arise while a couple cooks together:

1. Enhanced Communication

Cooking together is more than just following a recipe; it’s the subtle nods, shared glances, and synchronized movements that deepen connections beyond words. In the kitchen, communication becomes an art, vital for a successful dinner service at home, much like in a restaurant.

From chopping instructions to timing, cooking requires seamless collaboration, and developing non-verbal understanding. Solving culinary challenges together, whether it’s a salty soup or an overly sweet dessert, hones communication and problem-solving skills, creating a recipe for navigating life hand in hand.

2. Making Memories

Cooking together forms cherished memories, weaving special moments into the fabric of life. From Mother’s Day brunch to a Diwali feast, life’s milestones are often intertwined with food. Research indicates that the aroma of dishes holds a unique power to evoke potent memories.

In the kitchen, creating flavours and smells with loved ones becomes a recipe for lasting positive associations, igniting special recollections with every shared culinary adventure.

3. All About Teamwork

Cooking together is more than just chopping vegetables and stirring pots. It’s a chance to ace teamwork. Keeping the kitchen clean or doing dishes together is teamwork too. Whether you’re chopping veggies or cleaning up, divide tasks fairly. Even if cooking isn’t your thing, being in the same space matters. As adults, cooking builds curiosity, creativity, and teamwork—essential for healthy relationships.

4.  A Great Stressbuster

Cooking together is like a therapy session for couples. From chopping vegetables to boiling an egg – it’s a shared meditation that lets you escape life’s chaos. Spending that time with your love not only reduces stress but also triggers those feel-good hormones.

Life’s challenges can pile up, affecting relationships, but couple cooking brings warmth and connection. So, unwind, bond, and create something delicious amid the craziness. It’s not just a meal; it’s a recipe for a happier relationship.

5. Develop Intimate Bonding

In a world dominated by screens and constant connectivity, couple cooking offers a rare opportunity to unplug and focus on each other. The kitchen transforms into a haven, drowning out distractions for an intimate rendezvous. It’s a deliberate break from tech, a reminder to savor each other’s company. Sharing the effort of a homemade meal brings a unique satisfaction.

Complimenting each other’s culinary skills? That’s the secret sauce for feel-good vibes! Make at-home cooking dates a regular ritual; it’s a delicious way to spice up your bond.

When couples venture into the kitchen together, they set sail on a journey that transcends the ordinary. Beyond the sizzle of pans and the aroma of shared meals, cooking becomes a catalyst for enhanced communication, cherished memories, seamless teamwork, stress relief, and intimate bonding.

In the midst of chopping, stirring, and tasting, relationships find a recipe for renewal, transforming mundane moments into extraordinary connections that endure the test of time.

 “Love is often romanticized as a beautiful feeling, the heartwarming cornerstone of countless stories, songs, and dreams. Yet, as we step into the complex terrain of the real world, we quickly realize that love isn’t always a fairy tale set to a catchy tune.

Sometimes, it becomes a painful and bewildering journey, particularly when you begin to suspect that the woman you hold dear is merely pretending to love you. In this article, Shivani Sadhoo delves into the intricacies of such situations, shedding light on the tell-tale signs that can serve as ominous markers, indicating that her professed love for you may not be as genuine as you had hoped.

When a woman only pretends to love someone?

Some of the signs according to the marriage and relationship counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo that indicate a woman is merely pretending to love you are:

• Lack of Respect

When a woman consistently demonstrates a lack of respect towards you, it can be a clear indication that her professed love may be insincere. Respect is a fundamental element of a healthy relationship. If she disregards your feelings, boundaries, or opinions, it’s crucial to consider whether her love is genuine or merely a facade.

• She Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings

A clear indicator of her lack of genuine love is her disregard for your emotions and well-being. She prioritizes her convenience, showing no concern for your feelings, needs, or aspirations. Her apparent affection is merely a façade to gain something from the relationship. When you’re down or upset, she feigns care when it’s effortless, but avoids offering real support when it requires her genuine attention and empathy.

• When She Deceives You

A person who truly loves you wouldn’t betray your trust with someone else. When someone is deeply in love, suspicion of infidelity and the need for evidence shouldn’t exist. Cheating and genuine love are incompatible.

Even if you forgive her and she claims to love you more, if she avoids difficult conversations and doesn’t want to face her betrayal, she’s prioritizing her comfort over your emotions. This isn’t the behaviour of someone who genuinely loves you.

• She Treats You Differently in Public

When you’re alone, she embodies everything you’ve ever desired in a partner. However, a stark contrast emerges when you’re in the company of others. In such situations, she becomes openly critical, disparaging, and dismissive of you. Her demeanour is far from pleasant, and despite attempts to rationalize it, the hurt remains.

• Avoids Commitment

Avoiding commitment can be a major red flag. If she’s reluctant to commit to a serious relationship, avoids discussing the future, or dodges talks of moving in together or getting married, she may not be as invested in the relationship as you are.

• You Are Not Important to Her

One common sign that a woman might be pretending to love you is if she doesn’t prioritize spending time with you. When you’re not a significant focus in her life, it suggests a lack of genuine care. If she doesn’t actively seek out quality time with you and readily chooses other activities over being with you, it may indicate a problem in her attraction or love for you. True love often involves a strong desire to spend quality time together, so her lack of effort could be a red flag for the authenticity of her feelings.

• Lack Of Intimacy

Physical touch plays a vital role in expressing emotions, intimacy, and affection within a relationship. When a person consistently avoids physical contact and emotional intimacy, it may be indicative of insincerity and a lack of love. A deep, loving connection typically involves both emotional and physical closeness, making these signs of avoidance concerning the authenticity of the relationship.

In love, actions often speak louder than words. When a woman consistently displays disrespect, indifference to her feelings, deception, and varying behaviour in public, it raises questions about the authenticity of her love.

Avoidance of commitment, lack of prioritization, and absence of intimacy further compound doubts. In genuine love, respect, care, trust, and consistency are the cornerstones. When these elements are absent, it’s essential to re-evaluate the sincerity of the relationship. 

Marriages as they say are made in heaven. While it is true that nothing lasts forever, yet with the right mindset, communication, and commitment, marriages can endure and grow stronger over time. So, how do we find out if your marriage is going to last forever? India’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo reveals some of the signs to look for.

What are the signs that can indicate a marriage will last long?

Though signs may vary, but Shivani Sadhoo shares some of the most subtle signs that may reveal you will have a long-lasting marriage. Those are:

1. Respect Each Other

One of the key signs of an everlasting marriage is the presence of mutual respect between partners. Respect goes beyond mere politeness; it involves valuing each other’s opinions, feelings, and boundaries. In an everlasting marriage, partners appreciate and honor one another, even during times of disagreement. This mutual respect forms a solid foundation, allowing the relationship to thrive and endure.

2. You have time for each other

When couples have time for each other, they get the chance to connect, communicate, and share their thoughts and feelings. This helps to build a strong foundation of trust and empathy, which is essential for any successful marriage.

3. Be Friends First

Friendship plays a crucial role in sustaining long-lasting marriages. Be pals, and confidantes, and support each other like buddies do. Value this friendship—cherish it! Laugh together, share secrets, and always listen. Trust, understanding, and love grow stronger when rooted in a deep, genuine friendship.

4. Emotional intimacy

Deep emotional connection in marriage, built on trust, vulnerability, and understanding, creates lasting love. Couples openly share fears, joys, and insecurities, forging an unbreakable bond that endures challenges and time. A journey where love is not just spoken but felt deeply, a timeless connection that weathers all storms.

5. Inspire and Motivate Each Other

Positive psychology says that when you focus on the good stuff in each other, it strengthens the relationship. You both feel happier, more connected, and motivated to keep the love alive. So, inspire each other, cheer each other on, and your marriage can go the distance!

6. Always There For Each Other

Long-lasting marriages happen when both partners truly care for and support each other. It’s like having each other’s backs through thick and thin. You become like peanut butter and jelly, just meant to stick together. There’s trust, laughter, and understanding, even when things get tough. It’s like being a team, always cheering each other on and helping out when needed.

7. Sense of Humour

Humor in marriage diffuses conflicts, transforming potential fights into playful moments. Couples who laugh together strengthen their bond, facing challenges with resilience and joy, fostering openness and an enjoyable relationship.

8. Money Matters

When both partners are on the same page about money, make joint decisions, and stick to a budget, it reduces stress and fights about bills. So, in a nutshell, when you both handle your finances wisely, your marriage is more likely to go the distance, like a winning team in the game of love.

9. Listen carefully

When you truly hear your partner out, it shows you care, respect, and understand them. You’re not just waiting for your turn to talk, but actually tuning in to what they’re saying. This builds trust and a deeper connection as it helps you nip problems in the bud before they become big issues.

Final Thoughts

A lasting marriage hinges on mutual respect, genuine friendship, emotional intimacy, shared laughter, and aligned values, including effective communication and financial harmony. Nurturing each other’s growth, being supportive allies, and cherishing the bond with love and understanding are essential ingredients for an enduring marital journey.

Learn with India’s Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Life is not always about a singular pursuit or outcome, it’s the culmination of various experiences, emotions, and journeys that make it truly meaningful. In the hustle and bustle of today’s fast-paced world, where stress and challenges seem to be the order of the day, a simple smile can work wonders. A genuine smile has the power to transcend barriers, brighten up a gloomy day, and create connections that uplift both the giver and the recipient.

So, let’s find out the tips and tricks to add smiles and cheer to people’s lives from India’s eminent couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What are the ways to bring a smile to someone’s face?

Shivani Sadhoo says, being able to bring a smile or someone’s face is often the way to make someone feel better who is probably feeling down due to certain issues. Some of the ways to make a person smile are, you need to give them:

Compliments: 

Genuine compliments hold the power to uplift and touch hearts. Instead of a plain old “good job,” make it special. Notice the sweat they put into a project, the cool ideas in their art, or the delicious twist in their cooking. Your attention and appreciation mean a lot!

Show Affection: 

A simple hug conveys warmth and care, releasing “feel-good” chemicals in the brain. It makes us feel loved and understood. When someone hugs us, it’s like a cozy gesture that brings joy. The connection and comfort from a hug can easily bring a smile to our faces.

Share Humour: 

Laughter truly is the best medicine, and sharing a good laugh can instantly lighten the mood. Share a funny meme, a light-hearted joke, or a witty anecdote. In a world bombarded with stressors, a dose of humor can be a welcomed respite.

Listen to others: 

Sometimes, all someone needs is a listening ear. Truly engage in conversations, show empathy, and be present in the moment. By letting others express themselves without judgment, you create a space where they can freely share their thoughts and concerns, often leading to a genuine smile of relief.

The Power of Nature: 

A simple walk in nature can make someone smile. It can reduce stress and anxiety, and increase feelings of happiness and well-being. Studies have shown that spending time in nature can lead to improved mental health and physical health.

A Gift of Love: 

Handmade gifts or personalized tokens of appreciation carry a unique charm. Create a scrapbook, a custom playlist, or a piece of art that reflects your connection and shared memories. These thoughtful gifts demonstrate your effort and consideration, bringing genuine smiles to those who receive them.

Be Kind: 

In a world that sometimes feels impersonal, a random act of kindness can be a breath of fresh air. Whether it’s paying for someone’s coffee in line behind you or leaving an uplifting note for a coworker, these gestures create a ripple effect of positivity. Remember, kindness doesn’t need a reason; it’s a gift in itself.

A Helping Hand: 

Helping the needy brings joy by making a positive impact. Knowing you’ve made a difference, even small, can create a sense of fulfillment. Seeing others happier due to your kindness can lead to smiles, as it shows the power of compassion and generosity.

Personal Touch: 

Calling your parents instead of texting adds a personal touch. Hearing their voices and having a real conversation shows care and interest. It creates a warmer connection, reminding them of the old ways and making them smile by feeling valued and cherished.

Celebrate Together: 

Celebrating wins, big or small, spreads happiness by acknowledging achievements. Whether it’s a minor accomplishment or a major milestone, recognition shows you care and share in their joy. This simple act of support boosts their spirits, leading to smiles and a stronger sense of togetherness.

Smiling is a powerful way to spread positivity and make others feel happy and appreciated. It can be contagious and help to lift the spirits of those around us. Making others smile helps to create a sense of connection, belonging, and joy, which are essential for our mental and emotional well-being.

Shares Couples Counselor Shivani Sadhoo

Finger-pointing can quickly turn a loving connection into a battleground of accusations and hurt feelings. Blaming is a natural human response to avoid responsibility, but it’s not constructive. It’s tough when the blame game becomes a regular part of a relationship.

Let’s find out why partners blame each other in a relationship and what are the ways to break this vicious cycle from India’s top relationship expert and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Why does the blame game begin?

Shivani Sadhoo says, there are certain factors that initiate the blame game. Some of them are:

Childhood experiences: 

These shape our coping and communication strategies. If individuals face blame or criticism, they may unconsciously blame others in relationships.

Protect Self-esteem:

Blaming others helps preserve a positive self-image and shields self-esteem, as admitting fault might be perceived as a weakness.

Lack of Empathy:

It hinders understanding others’ perspectives, leading to a tendency to blame instead of considering their viewpoint.

Ways to Deal with the Blame Game?

Shivani says, every problem has a solution, you simply need to find it. Some of the ways to deal with the blame games are:

1. Use “I” Statements: 

Instead of pointing fingers and using accusatory language, express your feelings and concerns using “I” statements. For example, say, “I feel hurt when you blame me for everything” rather than “You always make me feel bad for …”

2. Accept your fault: 

Acknowledge your own mistakes and be willing to apologize when necessary. This sets a positive example and encourages your partner to do the same.

3. Forgive and Forget: 

Learning to forgive and forget involves letting go of past grievances and not holding on to grudges. It means releasing the need to continuously blame each other for past mistakes and choosing to move forward with a fresh outlook, fostering understanding and healing in the relationship.

4. Identify the root cause: 

Identify the root problems causing conflicts. Focus on understanding each other’s perspectives without immediately assigning blame. By pinpointing the real issues, you can work together to find constructive solutions and improve your relationship.

5. Be Patient: 

Practice patience by actively listening without interrupting or becoming defensive. Empathize with your partner’s feelings, communicate calmly, and avoid retaliating. This fosters understanding, promotes healthier discussions, and strengthens the bond between you both.

6. Nobody is Perfect: 

Of course, no relationship is without its hiccups. We’re only human, after all. So, let’s set realistic expectations and understand that perfection is not the goal here. It’s about progress. Celebrate the small wins along the way and acknowledge that change takes time.

7. Talk to each other: 

Healthy communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. Both partners must be willing to express their thoughts and emotions openly without fear of judgment or criticism. Encourage each other to share feelings and listen actively without interrupting or becoming defensive. This way, both partners can understand each other’s perspectives and work together to find constructive solutions.

8. Listen to each other: 

Actively listen to each other’s perspectives without interruption or defensiveness. Mutual respect and validation of each other’s feelings are essential. Together, find solutions to address the issue constructively, focusing on changing behavior rather than assigning blame.

9. Seek Professional Advice: 

Overcoming the blame cycle can be tough, especially if it’s ingrained. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be highly beneficial. A neutral third party can identify toxic patterns, offer insights, and guide partners toward healthier communication and conflict resolution.

10. Be Compassionate: 

Show understanding and empathy toward your partner’s feelings and perspectives. This approach encourages open communication, fosters connection, and paves the way for resolving conflicts constructively.

It is never too late to break free from the blame cycle and embrace a healthier, happier future together. Relationships are a journey of growth, and learning from challenges and mistakes can lead to stronger connections and personal development.

Shares Delhi’s Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

In any relationship, conflict is a natural occurrence, and it is not uncommon for things to escalate, even in healthy partnerships. Navigating through an environment that often feels chaotic and confusing can be challenging.

It is important to understand what high conflict looks like and to develop specific strategies for self-soothing during and after such intense situations. Read this blog by India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo on how to self-soothe if as a couple there is a high conflict.

What Does High Conflict in Couples Feel Like?

High conflict can be overwhelming for your nervous system, as it triggers a strong response in your body. The stimuli become loud and intrusive, leading to a flood of emotions and physical reactions. You may notice sensations such as increased body heat, muscle tension, a clenched jaw, and a racing heart rate.

In these moments, accessing the rational part of your brain becomes challenging. This is because when you feel emotionally or physically unsafe, your brain tends to operate from the instinctual part, activating the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response.

Although it may seem like conflict arises out of nowhere, there is often a buildup that leads to those intense moments. Tensions may have been simmering for a day or even longer, without finding a resolution.

To avoid reaching this point, it is crucial to address smaller issues as they arise and create dedicated time to tackle larger ones instead of avoiding or ignoring them. By consistently addressing and resolving conflicts as they come up, you can prevent them from accumulating and escalating into high-conflict situations.

You Find Yourself In A High Conflict, Now What?

Even with the best intentions, finding yourself in a high-conflict situation can happen. In such moments, it is important to take immediate action. Begin by identifying the shift in the conversation. Often, these discussions start off on a reasonable level and gradually escalate, making it challenging to recognize the shift right away.

To help identify where you are in the conflict, consider asking yourself the following questions:

• Are you having difficulty processing what is being said?
• Are you merely listening to respond rather than listening to understand?
• Are you and your partner engaging in name-calling or displaying aggressive behaviors, such as invading personal space, yelling, throwing items, or engaging in unwelcome physical contact?

If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you are indeed in a high-conflict situation.

Once you’ve recognized the situation, take a moment to acknowledge this realization and promptly change your environment. Let your partner know that you feel the conversation has become unproductive and that you need a break. Find a different room or step outside to get some fresh air.

In your new environment, begin practicing deep breathing. Take slow, intentional breaths by inhaling through your nose for a count of 4, fully extending your torso, including your back. Hold your breath for a count of 2, and then exhale slowly through your nostrils for a count of 6. Repeat this process as many times as necessary.

Next, reinforce your inner strength and grounding by reminding yourself of your truths through affirmations. Here’s an example to get you started: “I am present in my body, I am deserving of love and respect, and I am supported and grounded.”

These three steps—changing the environment, practicing deep breathing, and engaging in self-affirmation—can effectively break the cycle of the instinctual brain response. By consciously implementing these techniques, you can regain control over your emotions, promote a sense of calm, and create space for productive and respectful communication to resume.

How to Self-Soothe?

Once you have regained access to your “smart” brain, you can choose from various self-soothing techniques to further calm yourself:

• Self-soothing touch: One effective method is to give yourself a comforting hug. Sit upright, stretch your arms wide as you inhale, and then cross your arms around yourself with your right arm underneath on the exhale. Take three deep breaths in this position before releasing your arms and repeating the process, this time with your left arm underneath.

• Listen to calming music: Select soothing music that helps calm your nervous system and bring your heartbeat back to a normal rhythm. Opt for tunes with a slower beat to promote relaxation.

• Go for a mindful walk: Engage in a mindful walk by immersing yourself in the present moment. Observe your surroundings with all your senses, taking in the sights, sounds, and smells without passing judgment or getting lost in thought.

• Engage in your favorite self-care activity: Dedicate time to indulge in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. This could include taking a warm shower or bath, practicing your favorite stretches for relaxation, engaging in guided meditation, or surrounding yourself with pleasant scents like lavender.

By incorporating these self-soothing techniques into your routine, you can further enhance your ability to calm your nervous system and regain a sense of control and stability during high-conflict situations. Remember, self-soothing is a personal process, so feel free to explore and experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you.

In high-conflict situations, recognizing the problem, practicing self-soothing, and creating a conducive mindset for nonjudgmental conversation are crucial for finding lasting resolutions. Seeking assistance from a couples therapist specialized in conflict resolution can be beneficial. The Gottman Relationship Coach program, “Making Up After an Argument,” provides guidance for managing overwhelming conflicts.

The Gottman Relationship Adviser offers a comprehensive tool for improving relationship health through personalized plans. The Gottman Assessment provides in-depth insights into relationship dynamics. Seeking external support and utilizing these resources can nurture a healthier and more resilient partnership.

Gottman reference has been mentioned as Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of few Gottman Certified Marriage Counselors in India

According to India’s Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Sadhoo

Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo says all these years as a psychologist and marriage counselor, she has carefully observed the attitudes and behaviors of people who consistently succeeded in their long-term intimate relationships.

Several of those qualities are evident in a new relationship but are mostly much less vital in the long run. This blog from India’s leading marriage counsellor shares a few gender-free, common examples.

Shivani Sadhoo opines that although these are all essential requirements most people look for in new relationships, they are, in all truth, driven by the personal qualities that lie beneath them, and those characteristics are not always sustainable over time.

But there are a few personal qualities that are guaranteed to sustain and deepen love and commitment amongst the couple over time that is mostly not as evident early in new relationships. They crop up over time and are driven by the core beliefs and personal philosophies of those who are determined to lead and live a meaningful life in whatever endeavours they participate in. These are some of the qualities.

Humility

Quite a wise person once said that the roots of humility and humiliation are the same: being on your knees. If you are being pushed into that position, you will feel humiliated. It is so much simpler to comfortably stay humble, and deeply grateful for the capacity to be in amazement and wonderment of the experiences that keep everyone worshipping the blessings of life.

Fairness

Agreements and the rules that define those are mutually opted by both individuals in an intimate relationship. Fairness is the commitment to either live by those sacred alliances or to go for renegotiation if they no longer assist the relationship’s ideals and principles. When there is mutual fairness, score-keeping never exists.

Courage

It is most scary to take the risks required to challenge oneself and others in a long-term relationship when the outcomes might be difficult to bear. Yet, your thoughts, beliefs, and actions withheld to maintain a questionable harmony mostly backfire when those pent-up behaviors erupt. When a couple supports one another to stay present and real, they can better face the truth of what is.

Translucence

Honesty, authenticity, and transparency are the foundations of trust. They predict whether your partners will be who they say they are or not. Gaslighting and ghosting never exist in these relationships. The people in these partnerships make mutual decisions formed based on reality rather than assumptions formed in confusion and conflict.

Resilience

There will always be hurdles in every relationship, both from within and without, and certain couples have more than their share of losses. Yet, remaining broken and buried by those legitimate heartbreaks probably steals time and energy from recuperation. Though a few people are simply born with more capacity to rebound, resilience can also be learned. The past is for lessons, not for rehashing or reasons to helplessly fall down again in defeat. The present is for debriefing what went on, what was learned, and what could be done differently in the coming time.

Interested and Interesting

Long-term relationships quite often fall prey to the same-old predictable interactions. Though it is most comforting and more secure to know what your spouse might or might not do, it is never as compelling as new thoughts and personal transformations. Couples who balance commitment to their relationship with constant personal transformation are the most probably to keep each other engaged.

Accountability

No relationship is able to survive an unequal responsibility for the things that go wrong. Nor can it tolerate promises for transformation that never materialize. Accountability will only serve its purpose if behavior alteration follows the recognition of contribution. Certain behaviors are much more difficult to change and attachments could get in the way, but being aware, open, and honest about one’s own frailties goes a long way when repairing is mandatory.

Humor

Seeing the lightness in things while they get too heavy. Relieving tension in self and others. Laughing at yourself. Making others feel good. Shaking off your own sadness. These are critical reasons for humor being a wonderful quality that mostly helps a situation heal. But it is also true that humor can also be used as a tool for wounding. When humor is used as sarcasm, mocking, or teasing, or an effort to get out of accountability, it is not healthy relationship conduct.

Chivalry

Almost every relationship is, for the most part, transactional. You all strive to keep your commitments but, certainly, reasonably expect reciprocity when you need it in return. But the fairness that forces those agreements sometimes should be upended by an unexpected crisis that needs giving beyond the fairness that is generally present. Chivalry is an act of selfless motive that comes from a different part of the self. It is a non-conflicted work of giving without any expectation of getting.

Nurturing

You are always all the ages you have ever been, and there are times when the child in you desperately requires a safe haven to feel, to cry, to complain, and even to yell powerlessly. The nurturing that is needed for any intimate relationship to thrive is the simple comfort of a pseudo-parent-child interaction sans judgment. Being able to crawl into the haven of loving arms not just can heal the moment but also heal the trauma that might have driven it.

Ease with self

Those lucky souls who know who they are, what they can give, what they require in return, and who live life equivalent to what they expect of others are individuals who have suffered their losses and rejoiced in their joys. They have found methods to integrate the completeness of their life experiences in a composite of quiet confidence. They are at ease with believing what they presently know and are still open to altering their perspective as new experiences enter their lives.

Social media has been ruling everyone’s life, work and relationships for quite some time now. It has portrayed a series of positive and negative aspects in our relationships; certain people met their soulmates via social media while others divorced after finding out their significant other cheated on them via social media apps.

Shivani Sadhoo says, it is no surprise that social media has triggered a number of conflicts among people, particularly among married couples. So, let us find out the negative impacts of social media on married couples as pointed out by India’s eminent couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

There is no “us” time anymore

Scrolling through your social media app feed seems more interesting and engaging than talking and laughing with your loved one about your favourite TV show. The more time you spend on your phone, the more you will miss out on those little moments of happiness and fun you can have with your partner. Thus, this leaves you close to nil or little time for your partner.

Jealousy over other’s lives on social media

Jealousy is a quite negative emotion that can impact an individual in various conflicting ways. Couples who extensively use social media face issues of jealousy and over-possessiveness over online friends and activity. Higher social media activity with others can also strain your relationship with your loved one.

Self-esteem problems

No matter how much your significant other assures you of your beautiful self, you will still continue to drown in doubt and low self-esteem issues. Social media harmfully robs you of your confidence and esteem, leaving you to compare yourself to others and their projected perfect lives, and marriages. As a result, most people end up comparing their relationships or present status to the ones they see on social media, leading to bitter and unhappy marriages.

Increased probabilities of infidelity

A small chat or commenting on your ex-flame’s picture could spark signs of possible infidelity in your marriage. Studies indicate that the probabilities of people cheating over the virtual world or social media is quite high. Several partners have reportedly found their partners cheating on them via social media platforms.

Over sharing emotions

Several people vent out their frustration on social media by talking to an online friend about the problems that have been presently going on in their marriage. Sharing minor details of your marital conflicts is alright, but solely to an extent where it doesn’t involve you sharing every single piece of detail of your marriage with them. This eliminates all possibilities of open communication with your spouse because you end up relying on social media friends to vent out your problems.

Yet Very Stable Relationship According to Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo

Unluckily, relationship skills and self-care are never taught in school. Yet, these two aspects and life necessities can certainly have a huge effect on any person’s happiness and success in life.

And things become even worse, amidst the chaotic and hectic modern-day life, where most people don’t even have quality time for themselves. So, just imagine how those people can have time for others. And this is the case with several couples too, where they simply have no time to contribute anything to their relationship.

All, these later contribute to arguments, and quarrels, eventually leading to quitting the relationship. On the other hand, we have couples who even in the midst of all the chaos and dramas are living a dream-like relationship that is sometimes even hard to imagine, if that actually is possible. Relationship coach and couples counselor Shivani says, this is very much possible to have a loving and happy relationship.

Through this blog, India’s eminent couple’s therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 such ingredients that are needed for nurturing a super romantic, yet absolutely stable relationship.

Knowing yourself

In the process of life, several of us learn to hide our feelings, strengths, desires, and personal goals. If those are hidden from ourselves, we cannot show up as complete people in a relationship. Thus, taking time to look inside of yourself and visit the hidden areas of your feelings, experiences and desires help you to show up as a genuine and honest person.

Too many of you are taught by well-meaning figures to bury your feelings and to be ashamed of your dreams and to simply plain keep others happy. It never works in a relationship. So mostly as Shivani says she hears from couples: “I just do not know who he or she is. I get such mixed signals or no response at all about where we want to go together, in life.”

In knowing yourselves, you do know what you personally need to keep on your own pathway towards success and happiness and then you can communicate that to your partners. It all starts with yourself “Do what you love!”

Practicing self-care

Do you know the number of people who are simply plain burned out in life, lately? You have been tested in your abilities to survive and adapt during certain current tough challenges here in your life. Being the best version of yourself in a relationship means you know how to and you do all it takes to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit.

When you do not feel good, or you are too stressed or lack faith in yourself or in the future, you cannot be a good partner to anyone. You all know the steps to take for good self-care, but do you really practice these behaviors? As human beings, you need good sleep, exercise, healthy food, time outdoors in nature, adventures, and fun, constant learning, and a belief in something greater than yourself.

Whatever your religious or spiritual thought process may be, spending time with the practices will enhance your vibrational level and lead you to better self-care and creativity.

Communicating in a positive way

As in any relationship, differences will arise. And in fact, in relationships with the biggest differences, growth and deeper learning takes place in an attempt to relate to one another. So enjoy the differences and learn to try to understand each other and those differences.

If you can learn to converse from your heart rather than putting your partner on the defensive, overcoming differences and learning to be more open can truly be fun. For years you have been learning about “I statements.”

They are truly heart statements. Here is an instance. Your partner comes home late. A typical reaction would be a question like “Why are you so late while coming home?” The implication here is that the individual is in trouble or has misbehaved.

A heart statement would be “Oh I really miss having time with you and I get sad or worried when you reach home later than I expected.” Observe how the communication is about caring, about loving the other one instead of interrogating the partner.

Letting do-overs

When conflict and misunderstanding occur in a relationship, it is mostly difficult to practice positive communication. In those situations when buttons are being pushed harder and frustration or anger grows, take a break from the discussion.

During that break genuinely try to imagine what your partner is looking to communicate and where he or she is coming from. Then go back to your inner communication and approach with the aim of understanding, accepting, and loving the other person.

Any one of you can call a Do Over or a Break as things get even slightly heated. In calling a break, again bring this back to yourself with statements such as” I genuinely feel bad with how this is going and I wish to find a better way to understand and support you.

How about if we try the same discussion again when we both feel prepared?” There is so much respect and love in that manner of dealing with misunderstandings or differences.

Keeping passion and excitement alive

As you keep growing in your individual passions and your learning, you bring excitement into a relationship.  This journey is meant for learning and growth and not retreating into comfort or any mundane.

Fear might create a desire to protect yourself from facing life’s tough challenges head-on. The only two fears everyone is born with are fear of falling and fear of loud noises. The remaining ones have learned fears. The good thing about learned fears is that you can unlearn those fears by facing them when that opportunity arises.

As you individually face your fears, you create adventure, fun, and stimulation in the relationship. The passion enhances in response to those behaviors. Words such as “this is interesting” or “challenge accepted” can help assist you in your self-talk as you take on the challenges life gives you. Think of the energy you bring home to the relationship as you keep moving ahead in life and following your dreams.

As you could see, the best relationships need self-focus and an honoring of your true selves. Then when you show up to your partner an incredibly positive and fulfilling relationship will take place.

Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo Says, Learn the Signs and Ways to Rekindle Attraction within Your Relationship

For a relationship to grow, certain things have to be in place: love: to maintain the bond, tenderness, and care that drew both the partners together. Trust: a vital foundation every bond requires to promote a sense of security between significant others, and definitely—attraction—because passion added with excitement keeps the fire burning in any successful relationship.

It’s difficult to put any of these factors above the other, this is due to the fact they all work in sync to keep a relationship going. However, knowing that your spouse experiences an electrifying thrill from mundane things such as your smile, how clothes fit on your body, or maybe even simply watching you work in your element, is a feeling that is not easily traded in a relationship.

This is why at the initial signs that you no longer spark a fire in someone you love, it could feel more than a little unsettling.

This blog by leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about specific signs that might indicate a decrease in how attractive your spouse finds you. In case signs are there, you will also learn ways to rekindle the lost attraction.

Here are some red flags that may indicate that your spouse is facing difficulty to see you as attractive.

Your spouse is spending more time away from you

When your partner is spending more time away from home or from you. This could be worrying. Yes, it is also true if you and your partner are spending less time together is not always a concern. Sometimes individual spaces are needed. But if your partner repeatedly gives excuses as to why they can’t talk or spend time together. Then it is a sign of losing spark.

Putting less or no effort into the relationship

A sad indicator indeed. Your partner is putting no or less effort in the relationship. Planning activities become things of the past, and getting responses through phones and texts becomes daunting. This is painful specifically when earlier your partner was diligent in making you special early on.

Waning sex life or intimacy

An important factor to determine is how your spouse feels about your physical relationship is to examine your sex life. What does getting intimate generally feel like? Are you and your partner taking time to speak and discuss it? This particularly could be noted in married couples. A drastic change in pattern while getting intimate indicates how attractive your partner finds you. When intimacy is completely missing or there is a lack of it, this is a sure sign your partner is losing interest in you. Or another sign is when your partner getting intimate becomes just a general routine for them, they do it just for an obligation nothing more than that.

Frequent fighting

Sometimes small fights are fine, but if your partner has become more irritable towards you and does not waste any opportunity to quarrel with you even on the slightest of issues. It is a sign of waning attraction.

Ways to rekindle the attraction within your relationship

Knowing your partner no more finds you attractive could be painful. But being aware might be the vital cog to transforming your relationship. Here are some ways to rekindle the lost spark shares Shivani.

Have an open communication

Speakto your spouse openly and honestly about the alteration you have noticed in their attraction to you. Learn how they view you, or if your conduct has changed to an extent that might be causing them to pull away. Knowing all this could give you a clue or two that will take you towards resolving the complexities.

Spend some time apart

Spending time apart does not mean completely cutting off entire communication. It is vital to check from time to time while being apart. But when you spend some time apart by going on some solo trip or going on a vacation with your friends, this may give your partner the opportunity to miss you and also a chance to rediscover your lost self. Perhaps a reunion after this brief separation could ignite lost attraction even more.

Do basic romance

Just remember how you met earlier. With your partner’s indulgence, you would be able to take your relationship back just to the good old days. Go on dates again. Take care to groom yourself and look good again. Send intimate texts or go to movies or dinner dates. Keeping close to your partner and breaking the monotony could help revive the lost attraction.