Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Right now, several couples or individuals are still working from home for the immediate future. Lots of people are very much always home these days, or a few even working part-time on creative work and taking care of the household. This might be a huge challenge for some marriages if couples are not already so consistent with practicing self-care in their marriage. Even though a steady income, and living in a house with plenty of space, definitely contributes to anyone’s comfort

But your marriage is something that should always be a priority, no matter the extenuating circumstances. One method to prioritize your marriage is to practice self-care, together. Even if you and your significant other just have time to work on self-care once every week, that is still the time that you are solely devoting to each other and to your marriage.

This blog by Delhi’s top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about self-care in marriage and the ways to relax as a couple.

Couples Therapist Shivani says these self-care ideas are solely intended to do as a couple. Bear in mind that for these self-care ideas to benefit both of you, both the partners have to be willing and interested. Consent always matters in a relationship, even for non-sexual activities. It is not exactly a self-care activity if you have to be forced into doing it.

Unplug your Gadgets and Devices

You and your loved one need some screen-free time together. There are many who cancel their anniversary trip, so it can be celebrated at home instead. While couples watching a movie is fine, however, it is insisted that both of you put away or switch off your phones and laptops while watching movies together. With repeated notifications and more, it is so easy to focus more on your phone than on your partner. Dedicate time to each of you without thinking of your devices.

Go on a Walk

After a long time you two have managed to have some time. If the weather is pleasant, plan to take a walk. Hold each other’s hands. Talk about life. The fresh air and exteriors will certainly do a world of good for both of you.

Spend Some Quality Time Apart

Are you confused? It’s okay, just like quality time together must be intentional–TV series and Chill doesn’t count, quality time apart must also be intentional. When you and your loved one spend time on self-improvement, or you focus on quality time with friends or family, you are spending quality time apart. It is good to have your own hobbies. It is healthy to have your own friends. Your partner should not be your sole source of companionship.

Post quality time apart, you and your spouse will better appreciate and enjoy quality time together.

Set Goals Together

Several couples have some big dreams. Dreams of extensive travel, a big house with a luxury car dreams of kids and their schooling.

It is fun to dream big, particularly, about the distant future. But there is also time to set realistic goals for the immediate future. Big goals usually take time, and they normally take money too. In addition to setting long-term goals, you and your partner should also break them down into medium-term goals.

Marriage goals are not all financial, though. You can also set goals to concentrate on self-improvement or goals to build intimacy.

Some of the ways are:

·       Workout together for a specific amount of time each week

·       Join a hobby club together

·       Attend an event together

·       Schedule a weekly or fortnight date

Learn Each One’s Love Language

Every individual generally has a primary love language. This is how you express love to others. When another person uses your love language you feel loved even more. Learning and acknowledging your own love language, and learning your spouse’s love language, can assist the two of you to communicate better and express love with greater intention.

Give Each Other Massages

First you need to decide together if these massages are simply for relaxation and/or pain relief, or if they are a prelude to getting intimate. You do not wish to be disappointed by a simple misunderstanding post your messages.

If you do not know how to give a good massage, there are some good resources online.

Maybe you need to set the environment right, get out some body lotion or massage oil, play soothing music and give each other massages.

If you do not have time for the complete romance, you can also give each other foot massages or neck rubs while watching a TV show.

Cuddle and Talk

Several couples are affectionate all day long, but there is nothing quite like dedicating a few moments to cuddling and talking. This is a great mode to start or to end your day. Simply you and your spouse, no other distractions. If you are not certain what to talk about, ask a few tried-and-true questions. How are you feeling? What are you thinking? What can you do today to make your partner’s life better?

Just be Silly

No doubt a married life means several responsibilities. However, marriage is not the end of fun. Be playful with your spouse. Run through the sprinklers or dance in the kitchen. Play video games or board games. Share some jokes. After all, laughter is the best medicine.

Show Affection

At times self-care in marriage is actually, just about the little things. Show affection to your spouse throughout the day. Send a cute message. Give a quick neck massage. Kiss right prior to going to bed.

Go to the Bed Together

One of the partners is an early bird, while the other one a night owl. But it is always good to align your sleep schedules more closely. Most nights, you need to try to be in bed before your partner falls asleep so at least you can talk a bit first.

Sometimes you could be both tired at the same time and fall asleep cuddling. This is an absolutely wonderful feeling, but it’s not normally practical with your different sleep schedules. Still, it is nice to try to be in bed together at the end of the day, before either of you falls asleep.

Discuss Things Related to Physical Intimacy in your Life

Getting physically intimate can absolutely be an amazing kind of self-care. But you and your partner need to discuss it periodically. The lists can help you and your partner start the conversation. It includes meaningful videos or articles on topics related to physical intimacy. It will help both of you to set or rectify certain issues if they bother you as far as getting physically intimate with your partner.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Here’s a situation: one is a mind reader. That’s right, one can glance at their partner and delve deep into their feelings with merely one look. They are also able to correctly interpret and detect a range of emotions based on body cues, and perceived thoughts

However, genuine mind reading is never easy (in spite of how much one tries!). The fact is, none of you can, and piecing together the clues can be mighty difficult when it comes to your significant other.

While your familiarity with each other can provide insight into their changing moods—one shouldn’t try to gauge how your partner’s feeling based on assumptions alone. According to a psychological basis, taking the time to understand and communicate effectively is the finest way to increase your empathy and sense of closeness.

India’s eminent Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog says about ways to decode your partner’s mood, however, first, and the most essential thing to keep in mind are:

It is Not Entirely about you

If your spouse is withdrawing, in a funk, or refusing to communicate with you, the reason is perhaps more complicated than it appears.

Mostly one assumes their partner is mad at them, and they immediately get defensive. This can make you begin arguing about something that may not be the actual issue at all, which as a result makes it impossible to solve the actual issue.

Some researchers found that while couples do well at picking up on when their partner is happy, they may be missing out on other more subtle emotional clues.

It has been found that when it comes to the normal ebb and flow of daily emotions, couples are not picking up on those occasional changes in ‘soft negative’ emotions such as sadness or feeling down. While daily failing to pick up on these negative feelings can have a cumulative effect, ultimately leading to issues within the relationship over time.

Assumptions are Often Relationship Killers

While several people are proud of their honed mind-reading abilities, this is a strict no-no. Couples should stop assuming they know what their partner is feeling and alternatively, pay extra attention to each other and communicate more.

While one of the partners may incorrectly assume the other is feeling a specific way, this could lead the other to react in an unhelpful way. For instance, if you assume that your partner is upset about a certain thing you feel they should not be (and they are not), it may cause you to get angry or frustrated with them—which as a result actually makes them upset, and then it forms into a fight” (pretty certain some of you have been here before).

But apart from deterring this unhelpful habit, it is better to take a closer look at your interior motivations. Mostly, you are trying to go for intuition or make assumptions about what the other one is feeling because the relationship is unstable and insecure. While in the opposite sense—when a relationship is balanced and secure—you do not have to assume what the other is feeling.

Stop and Listen to your Significant Other

One of the biggest things is that you should be listening to understand, not to respond. Never listen with the goal of figuring out what you wish to say or how to tear apart their opinion or how to catch them in a lie. Also stay away from jumping in with rebuttals, opinions, and judgments until you actually understand your partner’s point of view.

You can always ask questions to clarify, only be careful that you do not try to defend yourself. Always remember that listening does not mean you are agreeing with your significant one’s conclusions; you are merely acknowledging that their feelings are valid and worthy of being heard.

Also, bear in mind the importance of giving your spouse eye contact and waiting to respond. If you wait for about two to three seconds post they are done speaking, your response will be more tailored to them and not a knee-jerk response.

Never be Afraid to Ask

If you are uncertain as to how your partner is feeling, the best way is to ask them. This could be in the form of being curious and supportive, not blaming or getting defensive. It is important to know what state of mind you are venturing into the conversation with.

If you are feeling sad, depressed, or a little wounded, it is quite likely you will bring this to a discussion. Using ‘I’ statements and being open, transparent, and vulnerable will assist your partner know what you are feeling and needing out of the interaction. It might be that you simply need a hug.

It is recommended to allow your partner to know what you need. If you do not know what you need, explain to them.

Learn Each Other’s Emotional Past

Life is a mix of both joy and pain and everyone is conditioned by painful experiences. It is always good to know what painful experiences your partner’s ‘emotional truth’ is made of.”

Many couples take long hours sharing their history with each other. Really open up about parents, trauma, doubts, and insecurities. Try to be as transparent as possible.

If you do not learn about your partner’s past of conditioned pain, then you need to learn about it through conflict—which is difficult, knowing about your partner’s pain informs your response. If you see yourself in the midst of the argument, it is good to ask your partner where they have had this feeling in their life earlier.

Part of it involves cultivating our own sense of understanding and compassion. Knowing that your partner spent several hours waiting for their parents to call and wondering if they ever would when they were merely 10 years old. They may easily explain why they became so hurt and angry when you neglected to respond to her text this evening.” This makes a map that is useful in times of conflict, as understanding their past makes it easier not to feel personally attacked and validates why they were upset.

Eventually, decoding our partner’s moods requires one takes an active, empathetic interest in the inner world of your significant other. It is very useful for couples to look at their partner and ask themselves, ‘Who is this being?’ After all, a relationship takes place in the present, never in the past or future.”

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

So, you have been seeing someone for a few months now (yes, that person you met perhaps on a dating site). You think (or more like you hope) they are not seeing anyone else. You know their favorite type of food, music, their father’s name, and may even have a toothbrush at their house. However, even though you are kind of in a relationship, there still has not been any talk of commitment or even exclusivity. Does this seem familiar? Well, if this sounds like it is describing your relationship perfectly, then you are perhaps in a “situationship”.

Relationship Counselor Shivani says ss the latest relationship trend on the block, a situationship is actually when you and another person are doing things that normal couples do, but you are not actually a couple. In between a hook-up and a relationship, situationship is that in-between grey zone where no one truly knows what is going on. Situationships may last months or even years in several cases but, given the reality, they involve catching feelings, it will finally end in two methods. Either you are going to DTR (define the relationship) or someone decides to move on.

So, if you see yourself relating to these signs, as said by Delhi’s top Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog, then have a peek into it, that you may be in a “situationship”.

Run-Ins with a Friend or Relatives are Awkward

Have you ever bumped into a relative or friend while you are with the person you are seeing and not known what to introduce them as?  With responses with pauses like Uhm, this is my friend?’ or ‘Uh, this is his/her name, you know you are in a situationship. This is due to the fact that you haven’t truly defined what you are both doing.

Not at All Making Future Plans with Each Other

The majority of the people in committed relationships will be making plans for their future, such as birthday plans or deciding to book event tickets that would not be for another six to eight months. If you are in a situationship though, you might never make plans that are more than a week in advance, preferring to simply live in the moment. You may also still be going to events such as wedding ceremonies or New Year’s events alone.

You Have Never Meet Each Other’s Friends or Colleagues

On the first note, apart from the awkward run-ins, you have not officially met each other’s friends or colleagues.  Meeting friends usually, signifies that the relationship has the ability to be long-term. Several people do not want to introduce someone to their friends if they would be around next week. Introducing them indicates commitment. Whereas in a situationship, at most in this kind of relationship the closest you can perhaps come to making a commitment is to begin watching a new web series together at most. Nothing more than that. *

There are a Few Taboos

Being in a situationship, you tend to always be playing a game of chicken while texting. So, if one of you doesn’t respond for a long time, you cannot easily just ask what is going on. Lack of commitment means you do not wish to appear as the needy or clingy one, since you are technically not even in a defined relationship. Also, you are certainly not on each other’s social media too.

You Have Sleepovers Regularly

It does not feel necessary to leave straight away post-sex because you do not simply go over to hook-up. Even though your relationship could be largely physical, you still do plenty of the domesticated activities that couples normally do.  You stay overnight at each other’s places, have breakfast, and even have your toothbrush at their homes.

You Have Feelings for Each Other But Not Love, But You Simply Never Talks About This

Despite not admitting it to the person you are seeing, you have certainly caught feelings. However, you do not love them. Communication is vital in a serious relationship, but in situationships people merely tend not to talk about their true feelings. While it could be fun for a while, it is essential to bear in mind that the uncertainty may get a bit too much eventually.

What happens if you get yourself in a situationship?

If you are dating in 2021 and a millennial, then you will possibly find yourself in a situationship. If you are not already in one now. Millennials somewhat specifically tend to be “scared of the responsibility and expectation that comes along with the label girlfriend or boyfriend and so the ‘what are we’ conversation simply never happens.

While pressure and label-free relationship sound good, but one never knows situationships can actually be quite toxic. The repeated uncertainty of the other person’s feelings and thoughts can rapidly turn from exciting to exhausting. The worst thing is that when a situationship finishes, you say to yourself that you cannot get even properly upset about it because it was not even theoretically a relationship. Situationships are not for everyone. If it is not what you actually wish, then get out of it immediately. Put yourself first and never settle for anything you do not deserve.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

In the current COVID-19 situation, Saarthi Counselling Services prioritise your and your loved one’s safety first, hence counselling session mode with Counselor Shivani has been digitalized. So, you and your partner can have your dedication sessions directly with counsellor Shivani, within the safety and comfort of your home. The advantage of online counselling directly with Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo are :-

Advantages of Online Counselling vs Face-to-face counselling?

The Face to Face online therapy with Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo works exactly like face-to-face therapy. In parallel with the massive use of technology in our daily lives, mental health support has been recently delivered in non-traditional ways, other than the classic face-to-face offline approach. The Face to face video calls with you and your partner are being used as the means to deliver therapy.

The sessions work exactly like face-to-face therapy in terms of duration, frequency, confidentiality and how therapy is held.

Convenience for Attaining Session

Online therapy is convenient since you will be attending therapy sessions online in the comfort of your own home, you can often schedule your therapy sessions for times that are the most convenient for you.

Social stigma

Online counselling may also be effective in eliminating the social stigma associated with receiving therapy. For those who are uncomfortable with receiving therapy, online counselling allows access to such services in private without having to visit the counselling centre.

Counselling can take on a whole different image when executed by the client in their own home through the computer. It may also allow the client to feel less stigmatised without having to be seen by others in the waiting room, the administrative staff or any other person who just happens to be walking past at the time the client walks through the door.

Though certain people attract others like a magnet to iron, others are completely ignored. However, humans are social creatures. Even if you think of yourself as a loner, you still require to communicate daily with a fairly large number of people. But at times people simply do not like each other, mostly without any reason.

However, the situation could be different. It is possible that there are solid reasons why people avoid some on a larger scale Below are some of the most common reasons why people ignore you as per Delhi based Psychologist, and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

You Do Not Listen To Others

Nothing is more frustrating and hurtful than a person who only talks about own self. And the persons are making no effort to hear what the other person has to say. Maybe this is time to shut your mouth and open your ears, to reduce the number of people who are your haters.

You Criticize Excessively

No one likes people who only know how to criticize, and never gives compliments to the other person. Sometimes, some things must remain silent and you should let people enjoy the things that make them happy.

You Are A Limpet

Every person needs a bit of time for himself/herself and your friends also. If you act like a desperate limpet, it is possible that you will attract the wrong way of attention, so allow others to take a small break from you.

You Are Never Guilty

Putting blame on others or inability to accept mistakes is another trait that people cannot tolerate in others as it is simply impossible that you are never guilty.

Selfishness

If you mostly avoid paying bills, please be sure that the other person around you will notice that and they will not appreciate your behavior at all. Sometimes it may happen that you are short of money or may not have but is a totally different thing to be selfish.

Rude

If you are someone who behaves rudely, insulting others and belittle them stop that because it does not make you a person with whom people like to mingle. Of course, you will get yourself in a situation when you disagree with others. Or you will see something you do not want to see, but that does not mean to raise your voice tone.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Sometimes remaining happy in a relationship can be tricky but with a trust that has developed over the years remaining happy is not that difficult at all. After all love, trust and compatibility play a big role in being happy as a couple.

Though there are no secrets or formulas for remaining happily married there are certain things that can ensure a merry time for the couples. And definitely some habits before going to sleep are some of those.

In this article, Delhi’s Best Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares things happily married couples do before going to sleep.

They Go To Bed At The Same Time

Keep in mind that, a couple that sleeps together remains together. Thanks to your busy schedules, you hardly get time to spend with each other. In fact, a few couples, who have a different working schedule, may even go to bed at different times. However, it is important for couples to go to sleep at the same time, which helps them to keep intact the warmth and intimacy in their relationship.

They Do Not Attend To Phone Calls Or Texts

Smartphones are both a blessing and a curse in your life. Your overdependency on your phones, particularly social media, can affect your lives and those around you. This is the reason why several couples who enjoy a happy marital life, keep their phone on silent or attend to calls only when it is a real urgency after they go to bed.

They Do Not Bring Their Work To The Bedroom

If you are somebody who continuously thinks about office work on your laptop or phone even minutes while going to bed, you need to alter this habit as quickly as you can. People who think about work past bedtime is less possible to have a happily married life.

They Do Not Go To Bed Angry

This is one trait that happily married couples are seen doing. They seldom go to bed angry. Even if they had a fight or an argument, they make it sure to resolve it. Harboring negative emotions while going to sleep not only impacts your health but also affects your peace of mind in a negative manner.

Keeps Their Bedroom Clutter And Gadget Free

The bedroom is the only place where a couple gets the chance to spend time with each other without any disturbances. This is the sole reason why married couples keep their bedroom clutter and gadget-free ends up spending some quality time in each other’s company.

You have all given your entire energy into the wedding for days and months, and you have gone through the complete process of hiring, buying, and returning everything possible. Now, you are beginning to feel blues. Is post-marriage depression a reality, or is it all in your mind?

The reality is: 1 in 10 brides reports feeling post-marriage depression, and it is likely this number is often under-reported most of the time. You are not alone, and brides, in particular, tend to suffer from it, though grooms can also feel a bit of this.

Here is what you need to know about post-marriage depression according to Delhi’s Top Psychologist, and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What Causes Post-Marriage Depression

Like any kind of depression, it is difficult to know exactly what causes post-marriage depression. 1 factor appears to be the difference between brides who perceived the wedding as their big goal and those who thought about the wedding as the beginning of a new chapter in life. If you have been preparing for the marriage like some would cheer on like during the run in a favorite sport, it is no surprise you are feeling blue.

Another reason can be the events linked with the wedding. If you are planning a honeymoon, you might be stressed out about it. If you have already done it, the disappointment of getting back to your own home and normal life again could be daunting. Perhaps you and your new partner are now living together for the first time. Depression can definitely result from the changed living conditions, even when you are happy living with your new spouse.

How Can You Prevent Post-Marriage Depression?

If you have not yet held your wedding, it is smart to be searching ahead to what you can expect to post the wedding, good for you. There are lots of things you can do to assist prevent post-marriage depression, though there are no sureties.

First, stay grounded as you plan your marriage. Bear in mind to keep looking past the wedding to your future schedules and the daily things that matter to you, rather than wasting all your energy into the wedding every day. This entire focus will leave a gap after the wedding, so avoid being completely engrossed by the process.

During the wedding and after it, remember that your moment could be here, but you will not remain the center of attraction. Though you can enjoy it, try not to get accustomed to it. Highlight those near you and their efforts and achievements. Sometimes, that can feel better than being the center of attraction.

Lastly, try to share the burden. Not only will this stop you from being totally absorbed in the wedding or from being the center of attraction, but it will ensure you do not reach a zone that alienates friends and family. These people around you will be your critical support post the wedding, as well.

How To Alleviate Post-Marriage Depression?

If you see yourself missing the frenzy of planning and excitement, or feeling blue without actually knowing why you can still recover from post-marriage depression all by yourself. The most necessary step to take is to seek out a therapist if the depression carries on or if you feel like you need to see a specialist you are not the first to suffer from post-marriage depression, nor you will be the last.

You can initially try to shift the planning and creativity-based tasks to something else. Marriage involves a huge amount of both, and this needs both left-brain and right-brain types. You can plan your career or take up a new activity. Learn to dance, take a course in learning a language or simply help some other person.

Have you ever thought about up a new hobby? You might have to drop hobbies in order to make time for the marriage, so this is the perfect time to pick them back up. Never give in when the temptation to spend the extra time watching TV programs. It will only add to the depression. Rather, get involved in something. You can join social work, take up a sports activity, or start exercising daily. In fact, exercise and yoga are some of the best remedies for depression.

How To Set Goals To Recover From Post-Marriage Depression?

Suppose there are no underlying biological or medical causes for your depression, you might be able to treat it by merely shifting your focus and your goals. Rather than planning for a wedding, take a look at the stuff you have always wanted to do. Those things that keep you awake at night. The things that force you daydream about how you could ever possibly achieve them.

Whatever that dream is that you forgot about in the hours of planning the marriage, bring it into the forefront of your mind again and start planning.

Plan meticulously. Do not simply idly think about it time and again. Make a deadline that forces you to get creative as your wedding did. Use checklists and diaries, tell all your friends about the deadlines, make small steps, and recruit your loved one’s help.

There’s no reason why you should have to suffer from post-marriage depression. If the depression continues, talk to a specialist, and remember to confide in your partner, friends, and family. Your support system is always the finest of you, and they can be a source of comfort and joy as you divert your focus from the wedding to your new life ahead.

Psychology says manipulation is directly influencing someone’s beliefs, desires, or emotions, such that a person falls short of ideals for belief, desire, or emotion in ways typically not in his/her self-interest or likely not as per the situation in the current context.”

Manipulation is an art or perhaps even a pseudo-science, may be a dark science to an extent. History is replete with examples of manipulation.

Is it good or bad?

Thanks to the digital connectivity sharing information is a cakewalk in today’s fast-paced life. But this same connectivity also helps in manipulating the public perception of reality through ‘fake news’. But manipulation can be positive or negative depending upon whether it takes the form of persuasion or coercion.

Persuasion is about getting people to do things they want to do whereas Coercion is about getting people to do things they don’t want to do. Inspiring or encouraging a person to do something that can be beneficial for him if he is afraid of doing is called good manipulation.

While using somebody for your own self motives with primary means to hurt that individual whom one is using is bad manipulation.

Positive manipulation motivates employees to achieve their goals thereby improving organizational performance.

Using negative manipulation, manipulator twist words, play on emotions and manage a situation in a sneaky fashion to get what he wants. This kills the confidence of the person being manipulated.

What goes on in the mind of a manipulator? Psychological reasons behind the manipulation.

Delhi’s Top Psychologist and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells us the reasons behind the manipulation. They are as follows:

Narcissistic Mentality: Manipulators usually suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder which is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and the deep need for admiration. They consider that they are better than others. They are not concerned about how others feel. Individuals with narcissistic personality (NPD) may find it difficult to form close relationships. So, they may resort to manipulation to maintain a good relationship with their partners.

It’s In Their Family: Sometimes manipulators have a difficult childhood wherein they are deprived of love and affection, status and privilege from their family members. Sometimes they struggle for economic and social survival. This is what turns them into manipulators.

It’s In Their Genes: Manipulative behavior can be hereditary too.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): BPD might help manipulators to satisfy their emotional needs or for obtaining validation. This happens because such manipulators feel insecure or abandoned.

Give Me Power: Manipulators love the feeling of being powerful. They love to control people and situations. They want to be the king and be in charge of everything.

Lack Of Consciousness: This is another reason for being manipulative. They believe that the only way to achieve their goal in this ‘unsafe world’ is by manipulation.)

Last but not least, whatever the psychology behind manipulation is, manipulators can change for the better. They just need the right guidance for that to overcome that negative trait which becomes a part of their life.

Here are a few stress busters for children and teenagers!

A teenage child suddenly stops attending school, despite being a good student. When asked, she would simply slam the door and lock oneself in for hours. After a few days, the child finally told his parents about being bullied at school. The child was under severe mental stress so much so that the kid even tried committing suicide.

Every individual has some trouble, but when you worry it becomes double! Hence, don’t worry, be happy!

Currently, India ranks the highest in the world in terms of the suicide rate for the youth between the age groups of 15 and 29. About 9 out of 10 Indians suffer from stress.

What is stress?

In today’s fast-paced world, where one has no time to stand and stare, the word ‘stress’ needs no formal introduction. However, in simple words, stress is your body’s way of responding to any kind of demand or threat. For instance, when you sense danger, be it real or imaginary—the body’s defense system kicks into high gear in a rapid, automatic process called the “fight-or-flight” reaction or the “stress response.”  

What causes stress?

Stress occurs from the tension between an individual’s reaction to hard times or challenges and his or her ability to handle and resolve the stressful situation. These situations and pressures that cause stress are called Stressors. Stressors can be either physiological (or physical) stressors or psychological stressors.

Physiological (or physical) stressors put a strain on our body i.e. very cold/hot temperatures, injury, chronic illness, or pain.

Psychological Stressors are events, situations, individuals, comments, or anything you interpret as negative or threatening. For e.g. unable to secure good grades at exams or being bullied at school or relationship crisis.

Good stress and bad stress

Psychology says the pressure of exhilarating, creative successful act is beneficial while that of failure, humiliation, and infection is detrimental.

Good stress motivates and keeps you on your toes during an important presentation at school or college, increases your concentration level and even drives you to study for an exam when you’d rather be watching TV. Athletes even break the world records under stress.

Bad stress is when stress stops being good and helpful and starts affecting your physical, psychological and social health and reduces your productivity and creativity.

How To Distress? / A Few Effective Stress-Busters/Ways of Beating The Stress

The best way to relieve stress is to learn the skill of managing it. Here Delhi’s Top Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about the various ways/tips and tricks of beating/ handling stress in children and teenagers.

Eat Right:

You are what you eat. Junk food not only hampers a child’s physical growth but also affects their brain development. So, say NO to junk food and YES to healthy food like fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, a variety of protein foods, and low-fat dairy products. Eat a balanced meal for a healthy body and a healthy mind.  

Think Positive:

Learn to be optimistic! Train your brain for more positive self-talk. Think ‘I CAN’ rather than ‘I CANNOT’.

Listen To Music:

Music can be a great healer for relieving stress. It acts as a medicine for your stressed mind.

Exercise Daily:

Exercise pumps up your brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters, called endorphins and is a great stress buster.

Empathize/ Sharing And Caring:

Parents must try to put themselves in their kid’s shoes and understand their point of view. This is called cognitive empathy. After all, sharing is caring! Listen to your child and help him or her to deal with the daily stress and strain of life.

Rest Is Must:

As per the National Sleep Foundation, teens must get 8-10 hours of sleep daily. This helps to regulate hormones, consolidate memory, solidify learning, and restore energy.

Reduce Screen Time:

Teenagers who spend seven hours or more a day on screens (excluding schoolwork) are more prone to stress and anxiety, are less emotionally stable compared to those who spend just one hour a day on screens (excluding schoolwork).

Meditation:

Meditation helps teens and children to deal with peer pressure, to be more focussed, be more confident and thus acts as a great stress buster.

A few women feel a real man do not exist, that he is impossible to get. Some women do not want somebody like him. On the other hand, many men think they are the best definition of a real man.

While some men feel there is no such thing. One thing is sure, though, those men who think they are the actual definition of a real man and those who believe they are not very often wrong.

If you want to know that you are a real man or are in a relationship with a real man, look out the actions. A real man behaves very differently from the selfish boy types you get to everywhere that you cannot fail to notice the difference.

He is a complete gentleman, good for more than just the first initial months. Essentially, a real man does things so nicely when he is into a relationship that one just has to love him and his style.

Delhi’s Top Marriage Counsellor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this article talks about the things a real man does when he is into a relationship.

He Loves And Respects His Woman For What She Is

He may not love her all the time, but he loves her. Not only her body, her possessions, and her status, but entre of her. He knows that as beautiful as her body is at present, physical beauty fades. Thus, he focuses his love and attention on her true beauty, which is found inside her sensibilities and personality. He treats her like a lady, with great dignity and respect. He never minds cooking her favorite food, taking her out to dinner and paying the bills. He also expects love and respect from her.

Commits To The Relationship Completely

He never cheats. He is loyal to his partner and understands that relationships take hard work to keep it strong and healthy. His affection for his woman is a full-time commitment. He nourishes and boosts the relationship through ongoing, honest interaction and teamwork. When you are with a real man, you know you can trust the man. He will stay faithful does not matter what and expects you to do the same.

Protects His Woman Physically And Emotionally

It is not that a woman cannot protect and defend herself, but he is there for her anyways. He protects her in several ways, including providing financial security and comforting her and making her feel that things will be okay. He is ready to throw a good punch if required to defend her from physical aggressors. However, he thinks before he acts. He never makes a move until he is sure about all details and specifics are in order. His moves are analytic, deliberate and certain. Abuse of any kind is not an issue when you are with him. He is considerate and treats everybody kindly.

He Fulfils His Partner Mentally And Sexually

He knows that most of the time in any relationship is spent doing non-physical, non-sexual things. Apart from whispering to her how beautiful she is or how he is going to make passionate love to her when he gets back home during the evening, he also engages his partner in meaningful discussions about life plan with her, and cracks joke to ease up and liven moments together. He shows awareness, intelligence, and sensitivity that makes his acts not only timely but also genuinely charming.

He Takes Responsibility For Each Actions And Decisions

He does not put blame on his partner or try to defend his mistakes. He acknowledges when he has committed a mistake apologizes for it, learns from it and acts to make it right. Apologizing is not an issue with him. He knows it does not make him any less of himself to say it. In fact, apologizing makes him more of a man because it shows he has the confidence, courage, and integrity to admit his faults and looks to correct them.

He Always Speaks His Mind

He is not afraid or worried to say what is on his mind. He will say no without any fear whenever he does not agree with something. He will debate with you on topics he is not comfortable with without losing his temper. He will be honest and talk to you like an equal, then allow you to have your own conclusions or take whatever action you may want. This does not mean he is indifferent or treats his partner badly. He simply does not agree with her on everything. He understands a Yes-man is no man at all.

He Stands Up For His Relationship

At times friends, family and even strangers ask inappropriate things or make improper remarks about your relationship, like saying you are not a good couple. In those cases, a real man stands up for himself and his partner and defends the legitimacy and integrity of the relationship. Even when they are his peers, he speaks up and stands his ground to protect his relationship. This says he can express himself in the presence of others, protect his woman and act as an authoritative man.