Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Arranged marriages have been a cornerstone of Indian culture for generations. Unlike love marriages, where partners choose each other independently, arranged marriages involve the active role of families in finding a suitable match. While this process ensures compatibility in terms of background, values, and lifestyle, the task of building a personal connection lies entirely with the couple.

For many, the initial phase of an arranged marriage can be daunting, especially when navigating conversations with someone who is practically a stranger but soon to become a life partner. Effective communication is key to bridging this gap and fostering a bond. Here’s a guide to help you communicate effectively with your fiancé, with a special focus on the Indian context as explained by India’s top couples therapist and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What Is an Arranged Marriage?

An arranged marriage is a union where families take the lead in identifying a potential partner for their child. In India, this practice is deeply rooted in tradition and cultural values. Families often consider factors such as caste, religion, social status, education, and family reputation before proposing a match.

However, modern arranged marriages have evolved significantly. Today, individuals play a more active role in the decision-making process, with families encouraging them to interact and assess compatibility before committing. This blend of traditional values and personal choice creates a unique dynamic in arranged marriages, emphasizing the importance of communication.

Tips for Talking to Your Fiancé in the Indian Context

1. Understand the Role of Family Dynamics

In Indian arranged marriages, families are often closely involved in the couple’s lives. When speaking with your fiancé, discuss their family structure, traditions, and expectations. Questions like:

“What role do your parents and siblings play in important decisions?”

“How do you envision balancing family responsibilities after marriage?”
can help you gauge their perspective and align your expectations.

2. Discuss Cultural Values and Beliefs

Cultural values play a significant role in Indian marriages. Whether it’s about religious practices, festivals, or food preferences, understanding these aspects can strengthen your bond. Ask questions like:

“What traditions do you celebrate with your family?”

“Are there any cultural practices you feel strongly about?”

3. Address Lifestyle Compatibility

In the Indian context, lifestyle compatibility often extends beyond individual preferences to family expectations. Topics like living arrangements (joint family or nuclear family) and work-life balance are crucial. For example:

“Do you prefer living in a joint family or having a separate setup?”

“How do you manage your work and personal commitments?”

4. Be Mindful of Sensitive Topics

While sensitive topics such as finances, children, or career aspirations are universal in marriage discussions, their implications in India are often influenced by cultural norms. When broaching these subjects, be tactful and respectful. For instance:

Instead of directly asking, “How much do you earn?” Try, “What are your thoughts on financial planning as a couple?”

5. Explore Personal Preferences and Interests

To build rapport, delve into their interests and passions. This not only makes conversations more engaging but also reveals their personality. Ask about:

Hobbies, such as reading, traveling, or sports.

Favorite cuisines or movies.

Showing genuine interest in their likes and dislikes can help build an emotional connection.

6. Clarify Future Goals

In Indian arranged marriages, long-term goals are often intertwined with family priorities. Discuss topics like:

Career aspirations and their alignment with family expectations.

Plans for relocating, especially if one partner may need to move cities or countries.

7. Be Honest About Your Expectations

Transparency is critical. Share your expectations regarding independence, personal space, and your role in the family. For instance:

8. Respect Regional and Cultural Differences

India’s diversity means that even within arranged marriages, couples might come from different states, communities, or linguistic backgrounds. Learning about your fiancé’s regional customs can demonstrate respect and effort toward understanding their roots.

Building a Bridge Between Tradition and Modernity

In the Indian context, arranged marriages are not just about two individuals but a union of families. However, the success of this bond depends on how well the couple communicates and understands each other.

By addressing crucial topics like family values, lifestyle choices, and future goals, while also taking the time to know each other personally, you can create a relationship that blends tradition with modern understanding.

Remember, patience, empathy, and openness are the keys to turning an arranged match into a meaningful partnership.

When we fall in love, there’s a natural desire to share that happiness with others. Social media makes this easy, providing a platform for couples to showcase their love through photos, captions, and stories. Yet, while public declarations of love might seem positive, studies suggest that couples who frequently post about their relationship are often less happy than those who don’t.

Social media can create external pressure and fuel unhealthy comparisons. Constantly seeing other couples’ “perfect” moments may lead to self-doubt and jealousy. In contrast, couples who share less are less likely to fall into this comparison trap, allowing them to focus on their relationship instead of trying to keep up a curated online image. As a result, these couples often feel more secure, authentic, and satisfied.

What’s the reason couples who post less selfies tend to be more in love?

Let’s explore why couples who post less about their relationship tend to experience deeper, more genuine love as shared by one of India’ top marriage counsellors and relationship experts Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this article.

Belief in Real Connection

Couples who don’t rely on social media to display their relationship tend to prioritize private, meaningful moments. They value genuine connection over creating an online image, preferring to experience love in ways that don’t require external validation. This doesn’t mean they hide their relationship, but rather that they see love as something best nurtured in private. They focus on shared experiences, honest communication, and deepening their bond rather than proving their happiness to others. True connection doesn’t need an online audience, and these couples invest in building a love that thrives without counting likes.

Prioritizing Time Together

By spending less time on social media, couples can focus on the present and the moments they share. This dedication to being in the moment helps them create meaningful memories and nurtures a type of intimacy that transcends what can be shown on a screen. They immerse themselves in shared experiences, conversations, laughter, and adventures, which strengthen their emotional connection. In contrast, couples who post frequently may inadvertently shift their focus away from authentic experiences, as they seek external approval. The result is often a more superficial connection. Ultimately, those who cherish their time together build a more fulfilling, intimate relationship grounded in true love.

Freedom from Comparisons

Couples who share less on social media avoid the comparison trap that platforms often create. Social media typically highlights the best aspects of relationships, leading many to measure their own against idealized versions of others’ lives. By not posting constantly, couples focus on their own growth rather than seeking validation or portraying a “perfect” life. This freedom allows them to appreciate their own journey and love without insecurities fueled by comparing themselves to others. For these couples, less sharing fosters a stronger, more genuine bond.

Emphasis on True Happiness

Couples who understand that happiness comes from within are less dependent on their relationship for personal fulfillment. While they may share moments of joy on social media, these posts stem from authenticity rather than a need for approval. Happy couples prioritize personal growth, self-care, and pursuing individual interests, understanding that likes and comments do not measure the quality of their relationship. In contrast, couples who frequently post may come to rely on online attention, assessing their happiness through superficial metrics. Those who are less engaged on social media remain grounded in mutual respect, valuing what truly matters over public perception.

Seeking Support from Each Other

When couples refrain from oversharing, they often cultivate a more profound emotional connection, relying on each other for support instead of turning to an online audience. This inward focus encourages open communication, allowing both partners to express their feelings and challenges directly to each other. By prioritizing their relationship over others’ opinions, they create a safe environment that fosters vulnerability, trust, and understanding. This deeper emotional bond strengthens their love and builds resilience against external pressures. Their reliance on each other through life’s ups and downs enhances their empathy and trust, ensuring their relationship remains strong.

In the digital age, understanding how to nurture love amid constant online sharing is essential. Couples who post less about their relationship often focus on creating authentic connections, meaningful shared experiences, and mutual support. By prioritizing each other over seeking validation online, they build deeper, more lasting bonds. True love is about genuine connection, not the number of likes or the frequency of posts. This commitment to real connection leads to happiness, stability, and enduring love.

When you love someone deeply, betrayal is the last thing you expect. Infidelity leaves lasting emotional scars, and while both men and women can be unfaithful, studies show men tend to cheat more often.

Why do men cheat?

The reasons vary, from seeking novelty to dissatisfaction in their current relationship. However, a significant factor behind infidelity is emotional immaturity. Men who cheat often lack the emotional depth required for a committed relationship. This article, featuring insights from Delhi and Gurgaon’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, explores why emotionally immature men are more likely to stray.

Avoids Responsibility

Emotionally immature men tend to avoid responsibility, which is a major factor in why they cheat. They struggle to take accountability for their actions, often shifting blame or making excuses. This creates a pattern where they dodge key responsibilities in life, such as commitments in relationships or careers. Cheating, for them, becomes an easy escape from the challenges of maintaining a healthy, committed relationship.

Lack of Impulse Control

Men who are emotionally immature often struggle with managing their impulses. Their inability to regulate their emotions can lead to poor decision-making, especially in relationships. Instead of handling stress or conflict rationally, they act on impulse, seeking short-term thrills without considering the long-term consequences. This impulsiveness makes them more likely to cheat, as they react without thinking about the harm they’re causing.

Lack of Empathy

Empathy—the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings—is often lacking in emotionally immature men. They prioritize their own needs and desires, rarely considering how their actions affect others. This detachment leads them to act dishonestly and dismissively, making them more prone to infidelity. Without empathy, they fail to recognize the emotional damage they inflict on their partners.

Low Self-Esteem

Emotionally immature men often mask deep-seated self-esteem issues with arrogance. This arrogance stems from a need for control and validation, which they often seek through cheating. Their low self-esteem makes them impulsive, as they are driven by a desire to feel superior or powerful. These men seek external affirmation to compensate for their emotional vulnerabilities, further perpetuating their harmful behaviors.

Inconsistent Behavior

Inconsistent behavior is a common trait among emotionally immature men. They often make grand promises one day, only to disregard them the next. This lack of stability creates emotional turmoil for their partners. Their impulsiveness and failure to follow through on commitments make trust impossible to build. This inconsistency also makes cheating more likely, as they prioritize fleeting desires over maintaining the integrity of their relationship.

Resistance to Growth

Emotional growth is essential in life, but immature men resist it. They refuse to acknowledge their flaws or work on self-improvement, remaining stuck in their comfort zones. This resistance to growth leads them to act on impulse, ignoring the long-term impact of their decisions. Instead of learning from their mistakes, they continue to repeat them, making infidelity more likely. Their lack of emotional depth prevents them from forming lasting, meaningful connections.

Emotional immaturity is a significant driver of infidelity in men. Their avoidance of responsibility, lack of impulse control, empathy, self-esteem, and inconsistency contribute to their inability to maintain committed relationships. Without emotional growth, they remain trapped in destructive patterns, causing lasting harm to those they claim to love.

Decodes Relationship Expert Shivani Sadhoo

If you thought that simply finding the perfect partner guarantees a happily ever after, think again. Love alone doesn’t shield us from moments of unhappiness or regret in marriage. As time passes, these moments can linger, potentially leading to the painful decision of separation or divorce. But what if I told you there’s a crucial factor that could significantly reduce the risk of divorce? According to relationship gurus and psychologists, timing matters just as much as compatibility—if you’re eyeing a divorce-free future, marry at the right age. Yes! Age matters!

Let’s find out more about this from India’s leading marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo. Getting married too young can lead to divorce. But waiting too long, which isn’t as long as you might think, can also cause problems.

Why you shouldn’t marry in your teens or early 20s?

Scientifically speaking, the human brain isn’t fully developed until the mid-20s. So, you’re still figuring out a lot about yourself and what matters to you. The risks associated with early marriage are:

• Young people lack the experience and maturity to understand themselves and their goals in life. So, they rush into a relationship only to end up marrying the wrong person. This leads to a painful divorce.
• Early marriage often means starting a family sooner, which can pose financial challenges as young couples may not have stable careers or sufficient income to support themselves and any potential children.
• Marrying early can interrupt educational pursuits, limiting career opportunities and economic stability in the long run.
• Young couples may have unrealistic expectations about marriage and their partner, which can lead to disappointment and conflict when reality does not meet their expectations.

Why you shouldn’t wait too long to get married?

Studies reveal that marrying after 32 increases your risk of divorce approximately by 5% every year. The reasons could be:

• Baggage from Past Relationships: You might still have emotional stuff from previous relationships.
• Complex Family Situations: You might have kids from previous relationships, making things more complicated.
• Money Matters: Managing finances can be more challenging with established careers and responsibilities.
• Career Stress: Jobs can demand a lot of time and energy, which might strain your relationship.
• Midlife Crises: In your late 30s or 40s, you might start questioning your life choices, which can affect your marriage.
• Changing Priorities: As you get older, what you want from life might change, causing conflicts with your partner.
• Kids Leaving Home: When your kids grow up and move out, you might realize issues in your marriage that were hidden before.
• Trouble Communicating: Over time, it might become harder to talk openly with your partner, leading to misunderstandings.
• Cheating: Though it can happen at any age, affairs might be more common in your 40s, hurting your marriage.

What’s the right age to marry?

Studies reveal that getting married between the ages of 28 and 32 is linked with a lower chance of splitting up within the next five years. This age range seems to be just right for a few reasons.

• Maturity: People in this group tend to be more grown-up and less carried away by emotions. They’ve been through enough life experiences to handle tough situations better.
• Not so rigid: At the same time, they’re not too stuck in their own habits to compromise.
• Financial Stability: They often have enough money and stability to handle marriage without extra complications like ex-partners or kids from previous relationships.

So, all in all, this age range brings a good balance of maturity, flexibility, and financial security to make marriage more likely to last.

We must remember that there is no one-size-fits-all formula for marriage. While statistics suggest an optimal age range for tying the knot, individual circumstances, readiness, and compatibility remain crucial in ensuring a lasting and fulfilling

Marriages are often celebrated as the union of two souls destined for eternal happiness. However, the reality is that not all marriages are made in heaven. The question of whether to endure an unhappy marriage “for the kids” is a complex dilemma.

When faced with the prospect of divorce, the decision becomes particularly challenging when children are involved. Should one persist in a toxic and joyless marriage for the sake of the children, or should they contemplate ending it?

Why continuing with an unhappy marriage is harmful for your children?

Leading marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo explains the following factors in the article further. These are:

1. Psychological Stress

An unhappy marriage is often fraught with tension, resentment, and conflict. Children are highly perceptive and can sense this negative atmosphere. Constant exposure to such stress can lead to emotional and psychological distress in children, affecting their overall well-being and development.

Kids are sensitive to their parents’ feelings, and when parents are unhappy, children may feel it’s their fault or experience anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem. These emotional scars can last a long time.

2. Builds Negative Perception

Children learn about relationships primarily through observing their parents’ interactions. In the context of an unhappy marriage, prolonged exposure can normalize dysfunctional dynamics for them. Consequently, their understanding of a healthy partnership becomes skewed, potentially leading to troubled future relationships.

An environment marked by emotional distance and hostility between parents hampers the development of vital emotional skills and communication patterns in children. Such situations breed unresolved conflicts and negatively impact a child’s perception of acceptable relationship norms, perpetuating cycles of unhappiness in their own future partnerships.

3. Delayed Divorce Does More Harm than Good

Remaining in an unhappy marriage until your children become independent may seem like a way to shield them from the upheaval of divorce or separation. However, this approach doesn’t always reduce their stress.

If your children have never experienced extended periods away from you, leaving home, particularly when they move to a new city for further education, can be highly distressing. The added burden of a divorce, coupled with new responsibilities, could potentially disrupt their studies and transition into adulthood.

4. Self-Sacrifice Can Be Dissatisfying

Sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of your kids may seem noble, but it can have negative consequences. Unhappy parents may struggle to provide a stable and nurturing environment. True parental sacrifice means making choices that benefit both parents and children.

You don’t have to be a martyr; divorce can be a self-improvement decision if you still attend to your children’s needs. Happier people are better at everything, including being better parents, which is a great gift for your kids and yourself.

5. Causes Relationship Breakdowns

Prolonged unhappiness within a marriage can gradually foster resentment and bitterness, which may ultimately seep into various aspects of one’s life, affecting relationships with friends and family. Children raised in such an environment may lack positive examples of loving relationships.

Stress and tension can inadvertently strain the parent-child relationship, causing resentment and strained connections, leaving children questioning the authenticity of their upbringing.

6. Disrupts Communication

An unsatisfactory marriage can lead to a communication breakdown between parents, complicating the establishment of fair child arrangements. Resolving issues as they arise is crucial for facilitating decisions in the children’s best interests. Redirecting efforts from a troubled marriage toward fostering a positive co-parenting relationship is essential.

In unhappy marriages, couples often struggle with effective communication, which can negatively influence their children’s ability to express feelings and thoughts, potentially impacting their future relationships and friendships. Teaching kids healthy communication and conflict resolution within a family setting is vital for enhancing their future relationships.

What did we learn?

Staying in an unhappy marriage can harm children by subjecting them to psychological stress, distorting their perception of healthy relationships, and potentially causing long-term emotional scars. Delaying divorce may not always protect them, and self-sacrifice may lead to an unsatisfactory family environment. Effective communication and prioritizing well-being can be key to mitigating these negative effects on children.

Not every relationship is destined to be a perfect match. People are unique, with diverse needs and personalities. While some couples effortlessly complement each other, others may face challenges. However, one of the most beautiful and exhilarating aspects of a romantic relationship is the presence of genuine chemistry between partners. While it may not be the sole determinant of a successful relationship, recognizing serious chemistry is essential for building a strong and lasting connection.

Relationship chemistry is not akin to a scientific formula but a unique blend of emotions, connection, and compatibility that can’t be easily quantified, making each connection special and unpredictable.

What are those clear signs that suggest there is serious chemistry between two individuals?

India’s leading marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few signs to find out the genuine chemistry between couples:

1. Magnetic Attraction

Instant fascination is a powerful indicator of strong chemistry between partners. While appearance may be the initial attraction, it goes beyond mere looks. It’s the magnetic pull, the unspoken connection, and the exchange of infatuating glances that reveal a deeper, irresistible bond, making it clear that chemistry plays a pivotal role in relationships.

2. Eyes can talk

Eye contact is like a secret language between two people in love. When you’re into someone, your eyes can’t help but lock onto theirs. It’s like a magnetic pull that screams, “I’m into you!” You hold that gaze longer, steal glances, and there’s this electric intensity that says, “We’ve got some serious chemistry going on here!” It’s a wordless confirmation of the sparks flying between you two.

3. Body Language

Body language reveals chemistry between couples through subtle cues like mirroring each other’s movements, leaning in closer, touching, and blushing. Women may fidget with their hair or lips, while men might get sweaty palms. These nonverbal signals indicate a strong connection and attraction, regardless of gender.

4. Similar Interests

Partners with strong chemistry often discover that they share common interests and values. Whether it’s a love for hiking, a passion for art, or a commitment to similar ethical principles, shared aspects of life can significantly enhance your connection.

5. No need for words

When two people share a strong bond, they can read each other’s thoughts and emotions without uttering a word. This unspoken bond brings them closer, forging a unique intimacy that words simply can’t capture.

6. No Compulsion

When you genuinely enjoy each other’s company without feeling the need to constantly entertain or impress one another, it’s a clear sign that you two are ‘made for each other’. Being comfortable in silence or simply being together speaks volumes about your connection. You will feel relaxed and energized at the same time. You can be yourself without fear of judgment. The relationship will feel effortless and safe.

7. It’s Only Us

One of the most awe-inspiring aspects of finding ‘The One’ is the unique ability to feel completely alone together, even in the midst of a crowded room. It’s as if the world around us fades into the background, and the only thing that matters is the connection we share with that special person. Time seems to stand still, conversations become whispers, and the energy between the two individuals becomes palpable. In those moments, the rest of the world becomes irrelevant, and it’s just the two of them in their own little universe.

Cherish these signs and nurture the chemistry that makes your relationship special, and remember, a match made in heaven isn’t always about perfection; it’s about creating your own unique paradise together.

Shares Delhi’s Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

In any relationship, conflict is a natural occurrence, and it is not uncommon for things to escalate, even in healthy partnerships. Navigating through an environment that often feels chaotic and confusing can be challenging.

It is important to understand what high conflict looks like and to develop specific strategies for self-soothing during and after such intense situations. Read this blog by India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo on how to self-soothe if as a couple there is a high conflict.

What Does High Conflict in Couples Feel Like?

High conflict can be overwhelming for your nervous system, as it triggers a strong response in your body. The stimuli become loud and intrusive, leading to a flood of emotions and physical reactions. You may notice sensations such as increased body heat, muscle tension, a clenched jaw, and a racing heart rate.

In these moments, accessing the rational part of your brain becomes challenging. This is because when you feel emotionally or physically unsafe, your brain tends to operate from the instinctual part, activating the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response.

Although it may seem like conflict arises out of nowhere, there is often a buildup that leads to those intense moments. Tensions may have been simmering for a day or even longer, without finding a resolution.

To avoid reaching this point, it is crucial to address smaller issues as they arise and create dedicated time to tackle larger ones instead of avoiding or ignoring them. By consistently addressing and resolving conflicts as they come up, you can prevent them from accumulating and escalating into high-conflict situations.

You Find Yourself In A High Conflict, Now What?

Even with the best intentions, finding yourself in a high-conflict situation can happen. In such moments, it is important to take immediate action. Begin by identifying the shift in the conversation. Often, these discussions start off on a reasonable level and gradually escalate, making it challenging to recognize the shift right away.

To help identify where you are in the conflict, consider asking yourself the following questions:

• Are you having difficulty processing what is being said?
• Are you merely listening to respond rather than listening to understand?
• Are you and your partner engaging in name-calling or displaying aggressive behaviors, such as invading personal space, yelling, throwing items, or engaging in unwelcome physical contact?

If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you are indeed in a high-conflict situation.

Once you’ve recognized the situation, take a moment to acknowledge this realization and promptly change your environment. Let your partner know that you feel the conversation has become unproductive and that you need a break. Find a different room or step outside to get some fresh air.

In your new environment, begin practicing deep breathing. Take slow, intentional breaths by inhaling through your nose for a count of 4, fully extending your torso, including your back. Hold your breath for a count of 2, and then exhale slowly through your nostrils for a count of 6. Repeat this process as many times as necessary.

Next, reinforce your inner strength and grounding by reminding yourself of your truths through affirmations. Here’s an example to get you started: “I am present in my body, I am deserving of love and respect, and I am supported and grounded.”

These three steps—changing the environment, practicing deep breathing, and engaging in self-affirmation—can effectively break the cycle of the instinctual brain response. By consciously implementing these techniques, you can regain control over your emotions, promote a sense of calm, and create space for productive and respectful communication to resume.

How to Self-Soothe?

Once you have regained access to your “smart” brain, you can choose from various self-soothing techniques to further calm yourself:

• Self-soothing touch: One effective method is to give yourself a comforting hug. Sit upright, stretch your arms wide as you inhale, and then cross your arms around yourself with your right arm underneath on the exhale. Take three deep breaths in this position before releasing your arms and repeating the process, this time with your left arm underneath.

• Listen to calming music: Select soothing music that helps calm your nervous system and bring your heartbeat back to a normal rhythm. Opt for tunes with a slower beat to promote relaxation.

• Go for a mindful walk: Engage in a mindful walk by immersing yourself in the present moment. Observe your surroundings with all your senses, taking in the sights, sounds, and smells without passing judgment or getting lost in thought.

• Engage in your favorite self-care activity: Dedicate time to indulge in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. This could include taking a warm shower or bath, practicing your favorite stretches for relaxation, engaging in guided meditation, or surrounding yourself with pleasant scents like lavender.

By incorporating these self-soothing techniques into your routine, you can further enhance your ability to calm your nervous system and regain a sense of control and stability during high-conflict situations. Remember, self-soothing is a personal process, so feel free to explore and experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you.

In high-conflict situations, recognizing the problem, practicing self-soothing, and creating a conducive mindset for nonjudgmental conversation are crucial for finding lasting resolutions. Seeking assistance from a couples therapist specialized in conflict resolution can be beneficial. The Gottman Relationship Coach program, “Making Up After an Argument,” provides guidance for managing overwhelming conflicts.

The Gottman Relationship Adviser offers a comprehensive tool for improving relationship health through personalized plans. The Gottman Assessment provides in-depth insights into relationship dynamics. Seeking external support and utilizing these resources can nurture a healthier and more resilient partnership.

Gottman reference has been mentioned as Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of few Gottman Certified Marriage Counselors in India

Effective communication is the foundation of healthy relationships, be it romantic, familial, or professional. The way we express ourselves and listen to others greatly impacts the dynamics and overall satisfaction within these relationships.

Unfortunately, certain communication styles can act as a poison, gradually eroding trust, understanding, and harmony. In this article, Delhi’s top marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some toxic communication styles and provides guidance on how to avoid them, fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections.

Passive Aggression

Passive-aggressive communication is characterized by indirect expressions of hostility, disguised as passivity or sarcasm. This style often involves subtle jabs, backhanded compliments, or withholding information to create tension and manipulate others.

It can leave the recipient feeling confused, hurt, and frustrated, ultimately leading to deteriorating relationships. Instead, strive for open and honest dialogue, addressing concerns directly without resorting to hidden agendas or covert hostility.

Defensiveness

Defensive communication is a self-protective response that arises from feeling attacked or criticized. It involves denying responsibility, making excuses, or deflecting blame onto others. When both parties engage in defensiveness, it creates a cycle of negativity, hindering effective problem-solving and resolution. To break this pattern, practice active listening and empathy, focusing on understanding the other person’s perspective without immediately jumping to self-defence.

Stonewalling

Stonewalling occurs when an individual withdraws from a conversation or relationship, shutting down emotionally and refusing to engage. It can manifest as silent treatment, avoidance, or dismissing the other person’s concerns.

Stonewalling prevents open communication and leaves the other person feeling unheard and invalidated. Instead, strive for open dialogue, even if it feels uncomfortable, and make a conscious effort to actively participate in resolving conflicts.

Blaming and Criticizing

Blaming and criticizing communication styles involve focusing on faults and mistakes rather than seeking constructive solutions. This approach creates a hostile and judgmental environment, where individuals feel attacked and defensive.

Instead of blaming and criticizing, practice constructive feedback by expressing your concerns using “I” statements, focusing on specific behaviours, and offering suggestions for improvement. This allows for a more collaborative and growth-oriented approach.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation that aims to make the other person doubt their own perceptions, memories, and sanity. This toxic communication style involves distorting the truth, denying events, or trivializing the other person’s feelings and experiences. Gaslighting erodes trust, undermines self-esteem, and can lead to psychological harm. It is crucial to recognize gaslighting behaviours and establish boundaries to protect your emotional well-being and maintain healthy relationships.

Marriage counsellor Shivani says effective communication is the lifeblood of any successful relationship, and toxic communication styles can poison even the strongest bonds. By being aware of these destructive patterns and actively working to avoid them, we can foster healthier connections built on trust, empathy, and understanding. Remember to practice open dialogue, active listening, and respect for each other’s feelings and perspectives. By doing so, we can cultivate relationships that thrive and bring joy and fulfillment to our lives.

Key Relationship Tips Shared by Leading Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Insecurity has the ability to deeply impact a person’s emotional well-being and relationships, leading to feelings of anxiety, doubt, and fear. If your partner struggles with insecurity, it is important to provide a nurturing and supportive environment that fosters their sense of safety and love. In this blog, Delhi’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares effective strategies to help make an insecure partner feel secure, valued, and cherished within the relationship.

Cultivate Open and Honest Communication

Establishing open lines of communication is crucial for creating a safe space where your partner can express their insecurities without fear of judgment or dismissal. Encourage them to share their thoughts, concerns, and fears openly, and actively listen with empathy and understanding. Validate their emotions and reassure them that their feelings are valid and important to you.

Show Unconditional Love and Acceptance

Unconditional love is a powerful force that can help alleviate insecurity. Demonstrate your love and acceptance for your partner by embracing all their flaws, quirks, and vulnerabilities. Celebrate their strengths and remind them that they are loved for who they are, unconditionally. Small gestures of affection, such as hugs, kisses, and reassuring words, can go a long way in conveying your love and support.

Build Trust through Consistency and Reliability

Insecurity mostly stems from a lack of trust. To help your partner feel safe, it is important to build trust through consistent actions and reliability. Be true to your word, follow through on promises, and be dependable in both big and small matters. Consistency and reliability demonstrate that you are someone they can rely on, fostering a sense of security within the relationship.

Provide Reassurance and Affirmation

Regularly reassure your partner of your commitment and loyalty. Give genuine compliments and affirmations that highlight their positive qualities and reassure them of your love. Avoid dismissing their insecurities or becoming defensive; instead, address their concerns using compassion and understanding. Let them know that you are there to support them unconditionally.

Create a Safe and Nurturing Environment

Make sure that your relationship is a safe space for your spouse to express themselves freely. Foster an environment of trust, empathy, and emotional safety. Avoid criticism, belittling, or comparison. Encourage their personal growth and support them develop a positive self-image by focusing on their strengths and encouraging their passions and aspirations.

Encourage Personal Development and Self-Care

Insecurity can mostly be mitigated by promoting personal growth and self-care. Encourage your partner to engage in activities they enjoy, pursue their passions, and take care of their physical and emotional well-being. Support their personal goals and offer encouragement during challenging times. When they invest in self-care and personal growth, their self-confidence and sense of security are likely to improve.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

In some cases, deep-rooted insecurities may require the assistance of a professional therapist or counselor. If your partner’s insecurities significantly impact their daily life and well-being, encourage them to seek therapy. Professional guidance can provide them with tools and strategies to address their insecurities effectively and foster personal growth.

Shivani says, supporting an insecure partner needs patience, understanding, and a commitment to creating a safe and loving environment. By cultivating open communication, demonstrating unconditional love and acceptance, building trust, and providing reassurance, you can help your partner feel secure and valued within the relationship. Remember that everyone’s journey and learning path are unique, and it is essential to adapt these strategies to suit your partner’s specific needs. With consistent effort and empathy, you can foster a strong and loving bond, nurturing your partner’s sense of security and creating a fulfilling and harmonious relationship.

Explains Top Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

It is often said that marriages are made in heaven. But not all of them last forever. Many marriages do not stand the test of time and end in divorce or separation. Nowadays, Live-in relationships are becoming more common, as they offer people an alternative to marriage. This allows couples to experiment and find out if they are compatible before taking the step of marriage. However, these relationships can be just as fragile and many end up in breakups.

Despite being legally accepted, live-in relationships in India are still frowned upon by many because they go against traditional values and beliefs. Though the freedom such relationships offer is often attractive, they come with their own set of challenges and complications. Let’s find out more about the challenges of live-in relationships in India from Shivani Misri Sadhoo, the top marriage counsellor and relationship expert.

Social Taboo 

Live-in relationships in India are still considered social taboos. This is because traditional Indian culture emphasizes the importance of marriage as a sacred institution. So, staying together before marriage is seen as a kind of disobedience to the established norms. Social stigma has led to many couples living in secret. People treat you like outcasts.

Lack of commitment 

Lack of commitment is a big problem in live-in relationships. People in live-in relationships tend to take each other for granted and do not work towards making it a long-term commitment. This can lead to a lack of trust, communication, and overall stability in the relationship.

Freedom seems to be a double-edged sword in these types of relationships, as it can lead to more misunderstandings and a lack of security. This can result in the dissolution of the relationship, leaving both parties feeling frustrated and hurt.

Finding shelter is a big challenge 

Finding a house for unmarried couples in India is a big challenge. Either it is difficult to locate a landlord who is willing to rent a house to unmarried couples or even if they find one, the couple may face discrimination and judgment from their neighbours. This creates a huge obstacle for unmarried couples looking for a place to call home.

Money trouble 

It is common for people in live-in relationships to struggle with their finances. It can be difficult to combine two different incomes and expenses in a way that is mutually beneficial. This can lead to financial stress, which can in turn put a strain on the relationship.

Conflict pertaining to career choices

 In live-in relationships, career challenges can be tricky. Since there is no legal commitment between the partners, they often have to make compromises when it comes to career decisions.

For example, when one partner receives a job offer in another city/country either through promotion or simply as a better career prospect, he or she must decide whether to accept the offer or not, while considering the impact it would have on their relationship. This can create feelings of resentment and frustration in the relationship.

Family Pressure

Family plays a crucial role in shaping relationships in India. In live-in relationships, family opinion is often considered more important than that of the couple. This often leads to pressure on the couple to conform to the family’s expectations instead of making their own decisions. As a result, many couples opt to continue their relationships in secret or even break up.

Love and commitment should be at the heart of any relationship. Whether it is a marriage or a live-in relationship, both partners need to be willing to put in the effort to make it work.