Category Archive : Family Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Are You Afraid of Flying? Essential Tips that Will Help You Overcome Aerophobia

You are planning to travel, so you booked a flight ticket. You fulfilled all the procedures, and you have double-checked your belongings. Everything looks good except for a thing. It’s that you cannot stand the thought of getting inside a plane.

Your palms begin sweating, your heart palpitating, your breathing goes up, and your mind starts racing with all kinds of dangerous thoughts. For some people, flying can be downright terrifying.

Psychologist Shivani says fear of flying, also called as Aerophobia, impacts nearly 2.5 to 6.5% of the population. When you board a plane, you will see out it’s not only you who is anxious. There are other passengers too that are tightly holding their seats with their eyes wide open.

The good thing is that several tested techniques can help calm your restless mind.

Technology is improving, and flying has become more secure with every passing day. Thus, there’s not much to worry about in the first instance. It’s only a matter of opting for the right approaches and thinking that will make your flying experience a whole lot comfortable.

This blog by India’s top Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo focusses on the tips that will help you overcome aerophobia.

Here are some of them.

Be Aware of Your Fears

Your anxiety can become quite creative while you’re flying. Your mind keeps providing you with thoughts about all the things that may go wrong. An overactive mind can magnify an issue and present it to be larger than it is.

So, it is very essential to be aware of your thoughts so you can understand and manage them when things begin getting out of hand. And this is when mindfulness comes in.

The gist of mindfulness is being aware of your fearful and irrational thoughts, so they do not overcome you. When you are aware of where your mind is going, you have the ability to stop those thoughts before they overpower you.

You can also, attempt to get a mindfulness app to assist you with guided meditations while you wait at the airport or even when you are heading to the airport. It helps lower stress and gets a better understanding of things.

Reach Airport Early

The last thing that you have to worry about is reaching the airport late or missing your flight. If you are late, you will panic and may have additional problems with security. The added stress will make it more complicated to manage your fear of flying, and things could go in a downward spiral.

Reaching the airport earlier will ensure you do not have to panic about anything. While you are at the airport, take a small walk or just chill out for a while. It will reduce anxiety and will make you relaxed.

Prepare Properly at Home

You don’t have to reach the airport and find out that you forgot something or that you have to buy something that you can’t get to the airport.

Also, it is recommended not to drink any alcohol or caffeinated beverages prior to you board a plane. Having them can make you even more stressed. Energy drinks can also quantify adrenaline levels, so they’re also not a wise idea. Also, have light meals before leaving for the airport.

Have everything collected and packed at your home and check twice, so you don’t have to worry regarding anything additional when you reach the airport.

Have Faith in Your Pilots and Technology

You may not know but traveling by airplane is by far the safest mode of travel worldwide. Yes, you read it right. Your chances of meeting an accident while flying are about 1 in 11 Million.

The pilots who are flying the plane are experienced professionals and have a complete education about everything they need to know. Aviation schools are demanding, and the pilots have to prove their mettle through several stress training before they get to be in an actual aircraft with people.

Airplanes are built to survive turbulence even in the most extreme cases. Airplane engines are made with 99.999% reliability, even in the highly unlikely possibility of engine failure, your plane can easily land without any concern.

Trust the cabin crew and engineering. They can manage even the most severe cases, so you are in safe hands.

Get Yourself Distracted

An empty mind will keep fueling your anxiety. It’s always good to distract yourself when you are inside the plane. If your mind is diverted, it will not have time to overthink any unwarranted fears.

So, carry a book with you or download some music on your phone so you can listen to it mid-flight. Crack a conversation with the passenger sitting nearby or try something that keeps your mind off from the fearful thoughts.

Imagine about the Place, You are Traveling To

Just envision all the delicious foods you’ll have or the places you will visit or the people you will meet once you get to your planned destination. Getting excited is another good way to entertain and distract your mind.

When you think about all the good things that are about to come, you will not only feel happier but also less stressed. Also, look at the people sitting beside you. They look confident and enjoying their flight, so why shouldn’t you?

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

3 Common Hurdles in Couples Therapy

Couples therapy can assist couples to enhance their relationship in several ways. For example, it assists couples to resolve conflict, learns how to communicate well, better understand each other, improve their emotional connection, and boost their bond.

Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says naturally, couples might face obstacles in therapy that halt their progress. They might have inaccurate assumptions regarding how therapy works, which can keep them stuck. Or they could delay seeing a therapist in the first instance, which only deepens their problems.

Through this blog, Delhi’s leading Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about 3 common hurdles in couples therapy.

Wanting the Other Partner to Change

When couples come in for therapy, they want a change. However, at times what they really seek is for the therapy to change their partner’s conduct.

For example, they may want the therapist to change their partner’s financial habits. But they would like to remain the same.

But, in couples therapy, the aim of the change in the relationship. Both partners have to make changes in order to enhance the relationship. Both need to alter their perceptions and behaviors.

For instance, couples who want to alter their fights over money will each have to examine their own patterns related to money, and the role it has in their relationship.

Keeping Secrets

Some partners begin couples therapy with secrets like an affair or addiction, and they intend to keep those things as secrets. However, individuals who continue to keep secrets from their partner while engaging in couple therapy are fooling themselves and their significant ones, and forming barriers to achieve real change.

If you are keeping a secret from your partner, consider its consequences for your relationship. Secrets can sabotage trust and life out of marriages. It can morph into thick walls against interpersonal intimacy.

Though you do not have to share all your secrets, it is wiser to reveal and work through any secrets that are presently affecting your relationship.

Your therapist can help you with this process, and your relationship will possibly be stronger and have better integrity due to this.

Not Believing the Process

Couples probably enter therapy looking for a quick fix or again wanting the therapist to tell their partner that they have to change. However, to improve your relationship, it is vital for couples to trust the therapy process.

To really get to the bottom of your marital conflict and start the healing process, you and your partner will have to invest your time and commit to learning how to be vulnerable with each other, expressing feelings instead of thoughts, acknowledging your role in the play, and learning how to listen to what your partner is actually saying.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Four Alarming Signs of a Needy and Desperate Man

Be it arrange marriage scenario or online dating, sometimes a girl meets a man who seems too much in a hurry to let the relationship happen. Such men may talk about planning children, ask for physical intimacy even before knowing you properly.

They never seem bothered or willing to understand what a woman feels about them. Surely, they are a real turn off for every woman, but if you are confused if you are making the right decision or not, Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares fours signs to identify if the man is needy and desperate.

Repeated Sweet Talker

After the first date, this man will talk sweet, but ‘every time’. Yes, this is the first sign that he simply cannot do without you ever. If post the first few dates, a man is repeatedly texting you throughout the day, explaining to you that he is busy thinking about you, imagining his life with you, and is more than eager to meet you every now and then ( makes you feel embarrassed outside your workplace with gifts or bunch of flowers), well, actually he is way too desperate and clingy. Think about it, either the man is simply trying to get hooked on, or he is desperately in need of a woman.

I Need You Too

He wants to be with you even when you are with your friends. Which person does not like a small gathering time with friends, without their partner? But what when your man is more than willing and adamant to be a part of your girl gang, even when he is uninvited. Just think what you would ever feel if your friend brings along her date when your girl group is having that bonding time. Won’t you think, he cannot even leave her alone for once.

Looking to do Things Faster

Has he initiated talks about the future like sex, moving in, marriage, children, and finances all too soon? Actually, there he is, this man wants it all at once and instantly, actually, he falls in the category “needs it now”. He needs you to the extent of not trying or thinking to even wait for you to think about them or time to pass before he even understands you better.

No More with Friends

Does he look to stay away from friends for you? Initially, it probably sounds really wonderful about him. After all who does not like a man who prioritizes his date over his friends. But if he is the type who cancels every single plan with his friend only for you, that’s an alarm that the man is Mr. Needy. Come to think of it, he is about to create a relationship with you where he has convinced you he is fine with lying all day on that couch with you rather than being with his friends when he is supposed to do so (always, that is). And soon, he will ask you to do the same.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Are You Dealing with a Gaslighter? These Could be the Warning Signs of Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a way in which an individual or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works way better than you might think. Any individual is prone to gaslighting, and it is a common tactic of dictators, abusers, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done steadily, so the victim never realizes how heavily they have been brainwashed.

Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about the warning signs of gaslighting.

They Tell Outright Lies

You know this is a blatant lie. Yet they are telling you the lie with a straight face. Why are they so blatant? Because they are setting up a precedent. Once they tell you a big lie, you are unsure if anything they say is real. Keeping you unsteady and off-kilter is the goal.

They Instantly Deny They Ever Said Anything

You know he said he would do something you know he told it. But they downright deny it. It makes you doubt questioning your reality, maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do it, the more you question yourself and start accepting theirs.

They Wear You Over a Period of Time

This is one of the subtle things about gaslighting, it is done steadily, over time. A lie here and there a snide comment quite often and then it begins ramping up. Even the smartest, most self-aware person can be sucked into gaslighting it is that powerful. It is the frog in the frying pan analogy. The heat is turned up gradually, so the frog never fails to realize what is happening to it.

Whatever is Near or Dear to You, They Use it as a Tool

They know-how important your kids or friends are to you, and they know how dearer your identity is to you. So those may be one of the initial things they attack. If you have kids, they will tell you that you should not have had those kids. They will tell you will be a worthy person if only you did not have a long list of negative qualities. They attack the base of your being.

Their Words and Actions Differ

When one is dealing with an individual or entity that gaslights, look for what they are doing irrespective of what they are saying. What they are saying means nothing it is plain talk. What they are doing is a concern.

They Tell You, Everyone, You Know is a Liar

By constantly telling you that everyone you know is a liar, it again makes you doubt your reality. You have never known someone with the ability to do this, so they must be telling the truth, correct? No. It is a manipulation tactic. It makes people turn to the gaslighter for the “right” information, which is not the right information at all.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

 
You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

What To Do If You Do Not Trust Your Partner

Aditi, 38, and Samar, 42, sat on opposite ends of the couch during their first couples counselling session. When I ask them about some of the obstacles, they are facing in their 5-year marriage, Aditi opened up about why she wanted to meet with me.

Like Aditi and Samar, many of the couples that I work with in my clinic have feelings of mistrust when it comes to facing daily life challenges initial years are always challenging and often it has a lot of things to do with trust.

Aditi said Samar has been cold-shouldering her ever since she spent without his consent and was unhappy with the billings. Even though it was strictly for her own business.

Trust is an Important Aspect of Intimacy

Aditi knows that her emotional sensitivity makes it hard for her to open up to Samar and increase her fear of being hurt or left alone by him. She strives to be clear with Samar about finances but struggles to do it because she does not feel secure in her relationship with him. After going through a difficult divorce, Aditi has trust issues and describes how she is fearing of losing Samar.

Although Aditi does not believe she was overspending on her business, she also understands that withholding financial information is building mistrust and damaging her marriage.

Then Samar said, I do not always want to talk things through, but it does not mean I do not love Aditi. She feels insecure and wants me to reassure her every time that I will be there for her and she needs to understand that I am not going to leave her as her ex-husband did. When she gets mistrustful, her voice tone changes, and she mostly threatens to leave me.

Then Aditi responded, things do not always go well when we disagree. When we have issues, Samar does not normally want to talk about it. And I have an issue because my ex-partner also gave me the silent treatment and then left after saying that he wanted a divorce. I feel dejected and rejected when Samar goes into his shell, but I am learning to let go of my old baggage and provide him space.

So, what can they do now?

Learning to trust each other

One of the toughest things about trusting someone is learning to have faith in your own judgment. Trust is about a lot more than finding signs that your partner has been dishonest. It is about believing that they have your best interests in their heart.

Every person is born with the ability to trust others but due to life experiences, you may have become less trusting as a form of self-defense. Falling in love and getting married can be uplifting and scary all at once. An incapability to trust a new partner can take several forms, from feeling they are dishonest or secretive, to doubting they are going to keep their promises or be fallible.

Take a moment to think about this. Your partner is not alone responsible for creating mistrustful feelings. In the majority of the cases, you should take equal responsibility for making an atmosphere of safety and security in your relationship. In order to start the process of overcoming mistrust, ask yourself:

·         What is the story that you are narrating yourself?

·         Do you fear of loss and abandonment cloud your perspective and cause you to overreact to your partner’s actions?

·         Is your mistrust coming from something that is really happening in the present, or is it related to your past?

·         Do you feel comfortable asking for what you need and allowing yourself to be vulnerable?

·         Do you bring your best self to your interactions with your partner?

·         Do you possess self-love and allow yourself to be loved and respected?

Several relationships are damaged by self-fulfilling prophecies. If you believe your partner will harm you, you can unconsciously boost hurts to emerge in your relationship. But gradually, if you learn to operate from a viewpoint that your partner loves you and desires the best for you, you can enjoy trust in your marriage.

Here are 7 ways to proactively build trust in your relationship.

Identify your feelings and practice being vulnerable in minor steps

Develop confidence in being open with your partner. Discussing small issues like schedules and meals is a good place to begin before handling bigger matters like disciplining kids and finances.

Be honest and discuss about key issues in your relationship

Be certain to be forthcoming regarding finances, your past, and issues with a family member, co-workers, or kids. Do not sweep vital issues under the rug since this can lead to resentment.

Challenge mistrustful thoughts

Ask yourself, is your lack of trust due to your partner’s actions, your own insecurities, or both? Be aware of unresolved problems from your past relationships that could be triggering mistrust in the present.

Believe in your intuition and instincts

Have faith in your own perceptions and give attention to red flags. Be prone and ask for reassurance if you feel mistrustful.

Think your partner has good intentions

If he/she lets you down, it could just be failure incompetence at times people simply make a mistake.

Listen to your partner’s side of the case

Believe that there are honest and genuine people in the world. Unless you have a valid reason to mistrust him/her, have faith in your partner.

Practice having a recovery conversation post an argument

Take a little break if you feel overwhelmed and flooded and set a timeline to process what happened. This will provide you both time to calm down and analyse your thoughts so you can have a more meaningful conversation with your partner.

For a relationship to succeed in the longer course, you should be able to trust each other. Building trust with a partner is actually about the small moments of connection that lets you to feel safe and to truly believe that your partner will be there up for you. It is the bedrock of a happy, long term partnership.

An important part of my work with Aditi and Samar focused on facilitating conversations between them that assisted to rebuild trust and affirm their commitment to each over time.

For example, Samar was able to be vulnerable and apologize for giving Aditi the silent treatment, which triggered her feelings of being mistrust and insecurity. Rather than telling her, she was too needy, he started responding to her bids for connection quite often. Luckily, Aditi gave Samar a sincere apology for her monetary infidelity linked to expenditures for her business, and she promised to practice complete disclosure in the future.

In the end, Aditi said, it was not expected when Samar was willing to listen to her side of the story and not throw out blame. I made an error and was willing to accept it for my actions but he did not rub it in or make me feel guilty than I already did. It feels like we can start again now that I have apologized and made a promise to be more open with Samar. I understand that I am fortunate that Samar forgave me.

You have the ability to shackle free from the hold that mistrust has on your relationship and make the kind of intimacy you deserve.

**To keep the confidentiality intact the names of the clients have been changed.  

Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

I am Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, I am an experienced and certified counselling psychologist, Gottman Method Certified Couples Therapist and works with eminent Hospitals in Delhi. I have helped over 17,000 couples and individuals, both in India and abroad, and helped them to solve their relationship issues, communication difficulties, and intimacy issues and rejuvenate their marital life.

I also have specialization in the area of Personal Crisis interventions like coping-up with Separation and Divorce, Domestic and Sexual Abuse, Child and Adolescent issues, Depression, Stress, Loss, and Grief, Suicidal feelings. I am currently working with India’s top hospital groups like IBS Hospital New Delhi (Institute of Brain & Spine) and with Express Clinics. I am also a Level 3 Trained Gottman Method Certified Couples Therapist.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Best Ways To Remain Happy, Healthy, Blissfully Content And Busy While You Are In The Lockdown

Life as you all know it has been put on hold indefinitely. You have all been asked to stay at home to support so that spread of the COVID-19’ speed can be reduced or restricted. Together, we all can save lives and this is something you can all get behind.

But what would you do while you are confined to your homes? May be watching your favorite online or television shows, or sitting down with a good book.

Today, Delhi based Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares the best ways to remain happy, healthy, blissfully content and busy while you are in the lockdown.

Here, are some of those ways.

Watch Your Favourite Shows

Online streaming is your first option of call in the COVID-19 storm. Plenty of shows, movies that too, all at the touch of a single button. This is the thing dreams are made of. But you do not necessarily have to opt-out for a subscription to get your shows on because there are lots of free digital TV services that can keep you entertained.

Only make sure you get up and move around between intervals, or do a little workout.

Workout As Per Your Convenience

Locked inside does not have to mean that you will remain inactive. In fact, a workout can be exactly what you required to quiet those restless legs and it is a lot simpler than you think. No need for any equipment, just have your phone and watch the latest exercise videos directly to your living room.

Read Books

There is nothing quite like sitting up on the sofa with a good book and this is a perfect time, so why not keep aside the distractions and let yourself lose in another world? Whether it is sci-fi, romance, mythology, or any topic of your choice there is something for everyone. If you do not have books you can download them from several sites in your mobile, tablets or laptops.

Try Some Recipes

Markets and other food shops may remain open throughout the COVID-19 outbreak, if not then you must have something in your kitchen. So, there is nothing to panic about. And with a little extra time on your hands, this can be the perfect opportunity to try a new recipe or cook your favorite meal. You can probably have a recipe book at home, also you can avail plenty of ideas online.

Clean Your House

A great way to spend some of your daily time. At times like these, it is simply natural to want to clean. Because of COVID-19 a new illness, which is not clear how it spreads, but if it is anything like the viruses one is used to, it is possibly to be through coughs and sneezes. Tiny droplets can be inhaled or drop on surfaces where they are then picked up and transferred to other places. Dedicatedly clean your house daily just to make the environment of your house clean and safe.

Pamper Yourself

Even during these hours of crisis, it is essential to take time for yourself, so why not enjoy a bit of pampering? You will not go to your saloon or have your nails done, but you can still, give yourself a nice hot and an aromatic bath and have a cozy me time.

Create New Hobbies

This is another opportunity to explore new horizons. You are locked at home and need to spend time doing something creative. Thus, it is a perfect time to try your hand at things like painting, do meditation, or even learn languages or other interesting things online. There are numerous options to explore.

Play Games

Whether you live alone are with family everyone loves a little bit of gaming. So indulge in a round of some indoor games with your wife, kids, and other family members. Else, you can play plenty of offline and online games using your gadgets.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.