Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Navigating the complexities of romantic relationships can be challenging, especially when parental dynamics come into play. While our relationships with our parents are often deeply ingrained and significant, they can sometimes inadvertently impact our romantic endeavors.

However, with awareness and intentional strategies, it’s possible to maintain healthy boundaries and prevent parental relationships from negatively affecting your romantic life, says leading family and couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

What are the strategies to prevent your parental relationships that may hurt your romantic life?

According to Shivani Sadhoo, you need to follow the given process that may yield you good results. These are:

Awareness is Key

The first step in preventing parental relationships from harming your romantic life is to acknowledge the influence they may have. Reflect on how your upbringing and interactions with your parents shape your views on love, communication, and intimacy.

Recognizing patterns or behaviors learned from parental relationships can empower you to address them effectively.

Open Communication

Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. Be open and honest with your partner about your family dynamics, including your relationship with your parents. Discuss any concerns or boundaries you feel are important to maintain within your romantic relationship.

Establish Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships with both your parents and your partner. Communicate your boundaries respectfully but firmly, ensuring that both parties understand and respect each other’s needs. Boundaries may include time spent with parents, involvement in decision-making, and privacy within your romantic relationship.

Prioritize Your Partner

While it’s natural to value your relationship with your parents, it’s essential to prioritize your romantic partner. Make time for one-on-one experiences and prioritize their needs and feelings. Show your partner that they are valued and respected within the relationship.

Seek Support

If you’re struggling to navigate the complexities of parental relationships and romantic endeavors, don’t hesitate to seek support from a therapist or counselor.

Professional guidance can offer valuable insights and strategies for managing challenging dynamics and fostering healthier relationships.

Set Healthy Expectations

Unmet expectations can often lead to conflict and resentment within relationships. Be mindful of the expectations you hold for both your parents and your partner, and ensure they are realistic and healthy. Recognize that your partner cannot fulfill the role of your parent, nor should they be expected to.

Practice Self-Awareness

Take time to reflect on your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors within your relationships. Are there patterns or triggers that stem from your parental relationships? Cultivating self-awareness can help you identify areas for personal growth and ensure that past dynamics don’t negatively impact your romantic life.

Cultivate Independence

Developing a sense of independence and autonomy is essential for maintaining healthy boundaries within relationships. While it’s natural to seek guidance and support from your parents, strive to make decisions independently and assert your own identity within your romantic relationship.

Focus on Growth

Relationships, both with parents and romantic partners, require ongoing effort and growth. Embrace opportunities for personal and relational development, and be open to learning from past experiences. Approach challenges with a growth mindset, recognizing that setbacks can lead to greater understanding and resilience.

Celebrate Differences

Embrace the uniqueness of both your parental relationships and your romantic partnership. Recognize that each relationship serves a different purpose and brings its own strengths and challenges. Celebrate the diversity of experiences and perspectives that contribute to your overall growth and fulfillment.

Preventing parental relationships from harming your romantic life requires awareness, communication, and intentional effort. By establishing boundaries, prioritizing your partner, seeking support, and fostering personal growth, you can navigate the complexities of family dynamics while nurturing a healthy and fulfilling romantic relationship.

Remember, every relationship is unique, and with patience and commitment, you can create a partnership that thrives despite any challenges along the way.

Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Sadhoo Explains

Effective communication is the foundation of healthy relationships, be it romantic, familial, or professional. The way we express ourselves and listen to others greatly impacts the dynamics and overall satisfaction within these relationships.

Unfortunately, certain communication styles can act as poison, gradually eroding trust, understanding, and harmony. In this article, Delhi’s top marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some toxic communication styles and provides guidance on how to avoid them, fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections.

Passive Aggression

Passive-aggressive communication is characterized by indirect expressions of hostility, disguised as passivity or sarcasm. This style often involves subtle jabs, backhanded compliments, or withholding information to create tension and manipulate others.

It can leave the recipient feeling confused, hurt, and frustrated, ultimately leading to deteriorating relationships. Instead, strive for open and honest dialogue, addressing concerns directly without resorting to hidden agendas or covert hostility.

Defensiveness

Defensive communication is a self-protective response that arises from feeling attacked or criticized. It involves denying responsibility, making excuses, or deflecting blame onto others. When both parties engage in defensiveness, it creates a cycle of negativity, hindering effective problem-solving and resolution. To break this pattern, practice active listening and empathy, focusing on understanding the other person’s perspective without immediately jumping to self-defence.

Stonewalling

Stonewalling occurs when an individual withdraws from a conversation or relationship, shutting down emotionally and refusing to engage. It can manifest as silent treatment, avoidance, or dismissing the other person’s concerns.

Stonewalling prevents open communication and leaves the other person feeling unheard and invalidated. Instead, strive for open dialogue, even if it feels uncomfortable, and make a conscious effort to actively participate in resolving conflicts.

Blaming and Criticizing

Blaming and criticizing communication styles involve focusing on faults and mistakes rather than seeking constructive solutions. This approach creates a hostile and judgmental environment, where individuals feel attacked and defensive.

Instead of blaming and criticizing, practice constructive feedback by expressing your concerns using “I” statements, focusing on specific behaviours, and offering suggestions for improvement. This allows for a more collaborative and growth-oriented approach.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation that aims to make the other person doubt their own perceptions, memories, and sanity. This toxic communication style involves distorting the truth, denying events, or trivializing the other person’s feelings and experiences. Gaslighting erodes trust, undermines self-esteem, and can lead to psychological harm. It is crucial to recognize gaslighting behaviours and establish boundaries to protect your emotional well-being and maintain healthy relationships.

Marriage counsellor Shivani says effective communication is the lifeblood of any successful relationship, and toxic communication styles can poison even the strongest bonds. By being aware of these destructive patterns and actively working to avoid them, we can foster healthier connections built on trust, empathy, and understanding. Remember to practice open dialogue, active listening, and respect for each other’s feelings and perspectives. By doing so, we can cultivate relationships that thrive and bring joy and fulfillment to our lives.

Family habits are a lot more than just an activity practised at home to create a healthy family. It is a manner of life that brings the complete family together and boosts the eternal bond of love and support shared by every member of the clan.

Shivani says early childhood is the perfect time to instil healthy family habits in your child because they are more likely to grow into it and stay in the pink of health in their later years.

India’s leading Family counselor and couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo discusses in more detail insights about healthy family habits and characteristics of a Healthy Family.

Let us take a look at the healthy habits that promote a healthy family and support shaping the future of the child.

Have at least one meal together

Sitting together as a family and having a meal is one of the major healthy habits practised by a healthy family that has a remarkable impact on children. It presents them with a sense of belonging when every family member shares stories of what is happening in their lives over small conversations filled with laughter and smiles.

For example, talking to your children about what is happening at your workplace or the list of things you require to do prior to their grandparents’ visit tomorrow provides them an insight into how healthy households function and molds them for the future. It is also a good way to get to know more about what is happening at school and look out for any signs of bullying or child being any kind of victimization.

Allocate a minimum of 30 minutes toward fitness

This is another part of a healthy family habit to encourage your kids to spend time playing outdoors to make sure they are fit and active since daily exercise and healthy families are synchronized with each other. It also adds up as quality time to bond with your kid.

You can either go for a fitness activity such as yoga and aerobics or go in for a sporty thing like running in the park and swimming. You can also think of going for cricket coaching classes or taking basketball lessons together, to learn sports and stay fit at the same time.

Set a schedule apart to play

Kids love playtime. Whether it is a fun board game with your teens or something as simple as building blocks with your tiny ones, playtime is great to forget your worries and pay attention to what really matters – your kids and also a part of a healthy family habit. No matter how frequently you shower your little ones with toys, clothes, gifts, and other materialistic things, the sole thing that matters to them is your time.

You can also think out of the box and indulge in other fun activities such as gardening and connecting with nature. This healthy family habit also acts backward, as children are teachers too, this is a brilliant way to disconnect from your monotonous routine and connect with your child.

Have a no gadget zone

In the present day’s digital age, it is not an uncommon sight to see a screen between a parent and a child. Kids have become so accustomed to digital gadgets that they mostly find solace in watching a cartoon online or playing a game, which is not a good sign. To end this habit, and transform it into a healthy habit, consider having a no-gadget zone in your home. For instance, you can make your dining room a no-phone, no laptop zone so your family is able to enjoy uninterrupted meals together. However, this rule applies to parents too, as actions speak louder than words.

Maintain a bedtime routine

Reading a story to your child each night is one of the finest practices regarding healthy habits, and it can be more advantageous than you can imagine. Not just will it encourage them to read, open up a whole world of imagination, trigger their writing talent and form their listening skills, but it will also assist them to find comfort in the tone of your voice and the warmth of your hug. Furthermore, the healthy family habit of reading to your child will bring in a consistent bedtime routine, and help them fall asleep faster and have better sleep.

Plan your weekends in advance

Weekends and family time have always walked hand-in-hand. Let your family be aware of your plans or begin a discussion on what can be done, so your kids will look forward to every weekend with excitement. It is a manner of showing your commitment to a healthy family and sends out the message that even you are equally excited to spend your free time with them.

The plans are not needed to be too extravagant. You can go for simple and fun activities for kids like going to the beach and indulging in some delicious street food or taking them to the latest animated movies of their choice. However, give your best to stick to the plans made, as a broken promise might lead to a broken heart.

Have a look at their nutrition

No list of healthy family habits is fulfilled without the benefits of nutritious food. Encouraging your kids to have a nutritious diet is one of the cornerstones of good parenting. Rather than forcing your kids to eat their vegetables, make them aware of the nutritional benefits they offer. For instance, ask them to eat more carrots for a healthy vision or drink milk for stronger bones.

In this manner, they will know why they are asked to do it and will make it a part of life, rather than something to do simply because you said so. You can also encourage your kids to help out in the kitchen and cook up a storm with simple recipes, so they come to know the nutritional value of what they eat.

Eventually, it all comes down to you being the role model for your kids. Forming healthy lifestyle habits to encourage an active lifestyle for kids involves you altering your way of life too. Thus, it is essential to practice what you preach and be the one you want your child to become.

The excitement of a newborn’s arrival can also have unforeseen consequences for a couple. As well as paying attention entirely to their little bundle of joy, let us not forget about sleepless nights, endless chores, and upheaval of grand proportions. A longer Sunday morning sleep-in or impromptu date night out as a couple? Forget those.

Counselor Shivani says it is hardly surprising several couples site, the months after their newborn’s arrival as when disharmony sets in. Take for example a working couple, until their baby arrived, they juggled successful careers with a lively social life. Six to seven months after the baby’s birth the wife complains they spent more time arguing over who does what than enjoying each other’s company nowadays. She no longer felt like a wife and partner but a toiler.

If it rings a bell it does not have to be in this manner. You can enjoy your baby and a good relationship at the same time too. Equip yourself with awareness besides these six simple ways shared in this blog by Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counselor and Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo that talks exclusively to survive the days and stay connected with your special one post when your baby is born.

Teamwork is the Mantra

Being good and ideal parents to your baby are the most vital job you will ever do. However, you will do it well, as a team; it is time to agree to end pulling apart. Sit down and discuss what each of you does best when it comes to all the demands you have now. The idea is to be super-positive with each other related to the jobs you each do well.

Resist begrudging your spouse praise for what they have a natural ability for such as he has a knack for putting the baby down.

Be generous with appreciation and compliments and tell your loved one how much you value their efforts.

With both of you knowing what is expected and helping each other, it will form a team spirit.

Avoid Baby Talk

It is very important to establish a time for you solely as a couple. Several couples become so baby-centric that they start to lose some of their relationships. Even if the only time you have is sharing a meal together, completely ban or avoid talking about your baby during this time. If the baby has been unwell you need to inform your partner, and they will want to listen to any little baby news. But once you have had a bit of baby talk it must be about you and grown-up things.

Ask each other how you are and discuss how your partner’s day was. Talk about both your interests like the book you have bought, saving for a vacation, that concert evening you would like to go to and so on that excites you as a couple.

Couple’s Play

Simply as you have playtime with your baby where you shake or move their toy in front of them or show them some musical toys, simply you too as a couple need to get out and play.  Even when you can only get child care once every couple of weeks or month, do it.

Early on it is good to get your baby accustomed to being left with someone familiar or trusted. If you can leave the baby with the grandparents. This is your time to relax without worrying about the baby is going to interrupt your dinner or movie. The golden rule is to do what you both want to, so if you are too tired to go out then have a candlelight dinner at home or watch a movie together.  It is entirely about your uninterrupted time together.

Alter Your Expectations

Pre-baby days you may have fantasized you would be as happy as you can, keep a beautiful home and have some physical intimacy thrown during every weekend. When reality sets in certain parents hang on to those unrealistic expectations. Re-analyze things and prioritize. If it allows you more time together and more fun playtime with the baby do not worry about things being less tidy.

Ask and You May Get

With complete good intentions mother and father can sometimes slip up or be thoughtless without being too. He does not compliment you when you have finally got a new hairstyle, he brings over an office friend without notice or so on. Such things could be the last straw when you have been up with the baby the entire night.

This is simply about asking. Ask your partner to let you know beforehand whenever possible if they want to bring someone back. Ask your partner how your hair seems. Never keep silent and stew over these things when you have so much on your platter as a young couple and family.

Affection, Show it More

It is very critical to keep affection going post-birth even if full physical intimacy is off the menu for a time. Oxytocin, a bonding hormone is released through cuddle, kissing, hand holding and hugs too.

When you stop being physically in contact as you feel so tired and frustrated it can be difficult to regenerate; in simple words, ‘use it or lose it’.

Some women can get ‘cuddle-fatigue’ post-birth having nursed, cuddled, and carried around their baby the entire day. If your partner looks over-keen for cuddles let them know that a little could go a long way. When it comes to enjoying complete physical intimacy again take it slowly and make sure there has been some romance first.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

The generation of our parents placed a high value on “being strong” and tackling problems internally rather than rapidly talking and sharing with others when they are troubled.  The “strong silent sort” was a very attractive characteristic to that specific generation, specifically, in males. Our past generations lived through terrible deprivation as kids mainly because of the trauma of wars, a weak economy, and other uncertainties as young adults. Most of that generation lived with considerable deprivation, uncertainty, and loss. One imagines that the value for being strong and silent was a very worthy coping mechanism to assist them to deal with the depth of suffering that most of us now living now, have never experienced on a national scale. Those who have experienced personal trauma or loss would be an exception.

Communication Is Quite Valuable but Not Always Beneficial

The generation we are now in, places a high value on communicating feelings, communicating for deep understanding and connection. There are people who now places a very high value on communicating in openness, transparency, and love as critical ingredients to intimate relationships. Although honest and vulnerable communication is usually, highly beneficial to healthy relationships, not all issues can be resolved through communication. Counselor Shivani says, there are times when it is better to stay silent than to communicate. Certainly, there is a risk in going too far to one extreme or another on the spectrum of communicating or staying silent.

This blog from India’s Top Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares when it is better to be silent in your relationship.

Complaining and Criticizing that is Classified as Verbal Processing/Just Venting

Doing it will only be disastrous to you, to your relationship, and to the person you are criticizing. It is very much more life-giving to approach a conversation having the idea of trying to make things better instead of pointing out the other one’s faults. If you have to talk to a third party about a problem with an acquaintance, then have the discussion about getting ideas to improve the circumstances.

Communicating Negative Thoughts and Feelings about Another Individual

Normally, it is not wise to quickly communicate negative thoughts and feelings that you have about another person. Instead, it is good to look inside first to see if part of the problem is yours to deal with. You need to own and manage your own stuff first. When you have completed this first step, and the interpersonal issues remain, then it is good to talk and work out the issues as best you can.

Sometimes you adopt the wrong idea that another person is obligated to change if you communicate that “your feelings are hurt” by something they have done or if you communicate that you “need” something from them. While it can be quite valuable to a relationship to communicate how you experience the relationship, the idea that the other individual is obligated to adapt to your feelings can easily make a relationship where the other person is controlled by your feelings rather than by what is better for the relationship.

Communication that Creates Heated Conflict

Waiting for the best time to communicate related to the problems can make the difference between bringing understanding and link or creating more conflict. When things get heated and emotionally intense simply waiting until both individuals have had time to calm down can be hard but critical to having a fruitful discussion. Conflict resolution could be very difficult until you communicate with the proper mindset, that is, the mindset that you want the best solution to be the result rather than you need to be right or you need to have things to be done your way.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

You are planning to travel, so you booked a flight ticket. You fulfilled all the procedures, and you have double-checked your belongings. Everything looks good except for a thing. It’s that you cannot stand the thought of getting inside a plane.

Your palms begin sweating, your heart palpitating, your breathing goes up, and your mind starts racing with all kinds of dangerous thoughts. For some people, flying can be downright terrifying.

Psychologist Shivani says fear of flying, also called as Aerophobia, impacts nearly 2.5 to 6.5% of the population. When you board a plane, you will see out it’s not only you who is anxious. There are other passengers too that are tightly holding their seats with their eyes wide open.

The good thing is that several tested techniques can help calm your restless mind.

Technology is improving, and flying has become more secure with every passing day. Thus, there’s not much to worry about in the first instance. It’s only a matter of opting for the right approaches and thinking that will make your flying experience a whole lot comfortable.

This blog by India’s top Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo focusses on the tips that will help you overcome aerophobia.

Here are some of them.

Be Aware of Your Fears

Your anxiety can become quite creative while you’re flying. Your mind keeps providing you with thoughts about all the things that may go wrong. An overactive mind can magnify an issue and present it to be larger than it is.

So, it is very essential to be aware of your thoughts so you can understand and manage them when things begin getting out of hand. And this is when mindfulness comes in.

The gist of mindfulness is being aware of your fearful and irrational thoughts, so they do not overcome you. When you are aware of where your mind is going, you have the ability to stop those thoughts before they overpower you.

You can also, attempt to get a mindfulness app to assist you with guided meditations while you wait at the airport or even when you are heading to the airport. It helps lower stress and gets a better understanding of things.

Reach Airport Early

The last thing that you have to worry about is reaching the airport late or missing your flight. If you are late, you will panic and may have additional problems with security. The added stress will make it more complicated to manage your fear of flying, and things could go in a downward spiral.

Reaching the airport earlier will ensure you do not have to panic about anything. While you are at the airport, take a small walk or just chill out for a while. It will reduce anxiety and will make you relaxed.

Prepare Properly at Home

You don’t have to reach the airport and find out that you forgot something or that you have to buy something that you can’t get to the airport.

Also, it is recommended not to consume any hard drink or caffeinated beverages prior to you board a plane. Having them can make you even more stressed. Energy drinks can also quantify adrenaline levels, so they’re also not a wise idea. Also, have light meals before leaving for the airport.

Have everything collected and packed at your home and check twice, so you don’t have to worry regarding anything additional when you reach the airport.

Have Faith in Your Pilots and Technology

You may not know but traveling by airplane is by far the safest mode of travel worldwide. Yes, you read it right. Your chances of meeting an accident while flying are about 1 in 11 Million.

The pilots who are flying the plane are experienced professionals and have a complete education about everything they need to know. Aviation schools are demanding, and the pilots have to prove their mettle through several stress training before they get to be in an actual aircraft with people.

Airplanes are built to survive turbulence even in the most extreme cases. Airplane engines are made with 99.999% reliability, even in the highly unlikely possibility of engine failure, your plane can easily land without any concern.

Trust the cabin crew and engineering. They can manage even the most severe cases, so you are in safe hands.

Get Yourself Distracted

An empty mind will keep fueling your anxiety. It’s always good to distract yourself when you are inside the plane. If your mind is diverted, it will not have time to overthink any unwarranted fears.

So, carry a book with you or download some music on your phone so you can listen to it mid-flight. Crack a conversation with the passenger sitting nearby or try something that keeps your mind off from the fearful thoughts.

Imagine about the Place, You are Traveling To

Just envision all the delicious foods you’ll have or the places you will visit or the people you will meet once you get to your planned destination. Getting excited is another good way to entertain and distract your mind.

When you think about all the good things that are about to come, you will not only feel happier but also less stressed. Also, look at the people sitting beside you. They look confident and enjoying their flight, so why shouldn’t you?

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Couples therapy can assist couples to enhance their relationship in several ways. For example, it assists couples to resolve conflict, learns how to communicate well, better understand each other, improve their emotional connection, and boost their bond.

Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says naturally, couples might face obstacles in therapy that halt their progress. They might have inaccurate assumptions regarding how therapy works, which can keep them stuck. Or they could delay seeing a therapist in the first instance, which only deepens their problems.

Through this blog, Delhi’s leading Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about 3 common hurdles in couples therapy.

Wanting the Other Partner to Change

When couples come in for therapy, they want a change. However, at times what they really seek is for the therapy to change their partner’s conduct.

For example, they may want the therapist to change their partner’s financial habits. But they would like to remain the same.

But, in couples therapy, the aim of the change in the relationship. Both partners have to make changes in order to enhance the relationship. Both need to alter their perceptions and behaviors.

For instance, couples who want to alter their fights over money will each have to examine their own patterns related to money, and the role it has in their relationship.

Keeping Secrets

Some partners begin couples therapy with secrets like an affair, and they intend to keep those things as secrets. However, individuals who continue to keep secrets from their partner while engaging in couple therapy are fooling themselves and their significant ones, and forming barriers to achieve real change.

If you are keeping a secret from your partner, consider its consequences for your relationship. Secrets can sabotage trust and life out of marriages. It can morph into thick walls against interpersonal intimacy.

Though you do not have to share all your secrets, it is wiser to reveal and work through any secrets that are presently affecting your relationship.

Your therapist can help you with this process, and your relationship will possibly be stronger and have better integrity due to this.

Not Believing the Process

Couples probably enter therapy looking for a quick fix or again wanting the therapist to tell their partner that they have to change. However, to improve your relationship, it is vital for couples to trust the therapy process.

To really get to the bottom of your marital conflict and start the healing process, you and your partner will have to invest your time and commit to learning how to be vulnerable with each other, expressing feelings instead of thoughts, acknowledging your role in the play, and learning how to listen to what your partner is actually saying.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Be it arrange marriage scenario or online dating, sometimes a girl meets a man who seems too much in a hurry to let the relationship happen. Such men may talk about planning children, ask for physical intimacy even before knowing you properly.

They never seem bothered or willing to understand what a woman feels about them. Surely, they are a real turn off for every woman, but if you are confused if you are making the right decision or not, Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares fours signs to identify if the man is needy and desperate.

Repeated Sweet Talker

After the first date, this man will talk sweet, but ‘every time’. Yes, this is the first sign that he simply cannot do without you ever. If post the first few dates, a man is repeatedly texting you throughout the day, explaining to you that he is busy thinking about you, imagining his life with you, and is more than eager to meet you every now and then ( makes you feel embarrassed outside your workplace with gifts or bunch of flowers), well, actually he is way too desperate and clingy. Think about it, either the man is simply trying to get hooked on, or he is desperately in need of a woman.

I Need You Too

He wants to be with you even when you are with your friends. Which person does not like a small gathering time with friends, without their partner? But what when your man is more than willing and adamant to be a part of your girl gang, even when he is uninvited. Just think what you would ever feel if your friend brings along her date when your girl group is having that bonding time. Won’t you think, he cannot even leave her alone for once.

Looking to do Things Faster

Has he initiated talks about the future like sex, moving in, marriage, children, and finances all too soon? Actually, there he is, this man wants it all at once and instantly, actually, he falls in the category “needs it now”. He needs you to the extent of not trying or thinking to even wait for you to think about them or time to pass before he even understands you better.

No More with Friends

Does he look to stay away from friends for you? Initially, it probably sounds really wonderful about him. After all who does not like a man who prioritizes his date over his friends. But if he is the type who cancels every single plan with his friend only for you, that’s an alarm that the man is Mr. Needy. Come to think of it, he is about to create a relationship with you where he has convinced you he is fine with lying all day on that couch with you rather than being with his friends when he is supposed to do so (always, that is). And soon, he will ask you to do the same.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Gaslighting is a way in which an individual or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works way better than you might think. Any individual is prone to gaslighting, and it is a common tactic of dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done steadily, so the victim never realizes how heavily they have been brainwashed.

Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about the warning signs of gaslighting.

They Tell Outright Lies

You know this is a blatant lie. Yet they are telling you the lie with a straight face. Why are they so blatant? Because they are setting up a precedent. Once they tell you a big lie, you are unsure if anything they say is real. Keeping you unsteady and off-kilter is the goal.

They Instantly Deny They Ever Said Anything

You know he said he would do something you know he told it. But they downright deny it. It makes you doubt questioning your reality, maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do it, the more you question yourself and start accepting theirs.

They Wear You Over a Period of Time

This is one of the subtle things about gaslighting, it is done steadily, over time. A lie here and there a snide comment quite often and then it begins ramping up. Even the smartest, most self-aware person can be sucked into gaslighting it is that powerful. It is the frog in the frying pan analogy. The heat is turned up gradually, so the frog never fails to realize what is happening to it.

Whatever is Near or Dear to You, They Use it as a Tool

They know-how important your kids or friends are to you, and they know how dearer your identity is to you. So those may be one of the initial things they attack. If you have kids, they will tell you that you should not have had those kids. They will tell you will be a worthy person if only you did not have a long list of negative qualities. They attack the base of your being.

Their Words and Actions Differ

When one is dealing with an individual or entity that gaslights, look for what they are doing irrespective of what they are saying. What they are saying means nothing it is plain talk. What they are doing is a concern.

They Tell You, Everyone, You Know is a Liar

By constantly telling you that everyone you know is a liar, it again makes you doubt your reality. You have never known someone with the ability to do this, so they must be telling the truth, correct? No. It is a manipulation tactic. It makes people turn to the gaslighter for the “right” information, which is not the right information at all.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

 
You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Aditi, 38, and Samar, 42, sat on opposite ends of the couch during their first couples counselling session. When I ask them about some of the obstacles, they are facing in their 5-year marriage, Aditi opened up about why she wanted to meet with me.

Like Aditi and Samar, many of the couples that I work with in my clinic have feelings of mistrust when it comes to facing daily life challenges initial years are always challenging and often it has a lot of things to do with trust.

Aditi said Samar has been cold-shouldering her ever since she spent without his consent and was unhappy with the billings. Even though it was strictly for her own business.

Trust is an Important Aspect of Intimacy

Aditi knows that her emotional sensitivity makes it hard for her to open up to Samar and increase her fear of being hurt or left alone by him. She strives to be clear with Samar about finances but struggles to do it because she does not feel secure in her relationship with him. After going through a difficult divorce, Aditi has trust issues and describes how she is fearing of losing Samar.

Although Aditi does not believe she was overspending on her business, she also understands that withholding financial information is building mistrust and damaging her marriage.

Then Samar said, I do not always want to talk things through, but it does not mean I do not love Aditi. She feels insecure and wants me to reassure her every time that I will be there for her and she needs to understand that I am not going to leave her as her ex-husband did. When she gets mistrustful, her voice tone changes, and she mostly threatens to leave me.

Then Aditi responded, things do not always go well when we disagree. When we have issues, Samar does not normally want to talk about it. And I have an issue because my ex-partner also gave me the silent treatment and then left after saying that he wanted a divorce. I feel dejected and rejected when Samar goes into his shell, but I am learning to let go of my old baggage and provide him space.

So, what can they do now?

Learning to trust each other

One of the toughest things about trusting someone is learning to have faith in your own judgment. Trust is about a lot more than finding signs that your partner has been dishonest. It is about believing that they have your best interests in their heart.

Every person is born with the ability to trust others but due to life experiences, you may have become less trusting as a form of self-defense. Falling in love and getting married can be uplifting and scary all at once. An incapability to trust a new partner can take several forms, from feeling they are dishonest or secretive, to doubting they are going to keep their promises or be fallible.

Take a moment to think about this. Your partner is not alone responsible for creating mistrustful feelings. In the majority of the cases, you should take equal responsibility for making an atmosphere of safety and security in your relationship. In order to start the process of overcoming mistrust, ask yourself:

·         What is the story that you are narrating yourself?

·         Do you fear of loss and abandonment cloud your perspective and cause you to overreact to your partner’s actions?

·         Is your mistrust coming from something that is really happening in the present, or is it related to your past?

·         Do you feel comfortable asking for what you need and allowing yourself to be vulnerable?

·         Do you bring your best self to your interactions with your partner?

·         Do you possess self-love and allow yourself to be loved and respected?

Several relationships are damaged by self-fulfilling prophecies. If you believe your partner will harm you, you can unconsciously boost hurts to emerge in your relationship. But gradually, if you learn to operate from a viewpoint that your partner loves you and desires the best for you, you can enjoy trust in your marriage.

Here are 7 ways to proactively build trust in your relationship.

Identify your feelings and practice being vulnerable in minor steps

Develop confidence in being open with your partner. Discussing small issues like schedules and meals is a good place to begin before handling bigger matters like disciplining kids and finances.

Be honest and discuss about key issues in your relationship

Be certain to be forthcoming regarding finances, your past, and issues with a family member, co-workers, or kids. Do not sweep vital issues under the rug since this can lead to resentment.

Challenge mistrustful thoughts

Ask yourself, is your lack of trust due to your partner’s actions, your own insecurities, or both? Be aware of unresolved problems from your past relationships that could be triggering mistrust in the present.

Believe in your intuition and instincts

Have faith in your own perceptions and give attention to red flags. Be prone and ask for reassurance if you feel mistrustful.

Think your partner has good intentions

If he/she lets you down, it could just be failure incompetence at times people simply make a mistake.

Listen to your partner’s side of the case

Believe that there are honest and genuine people in the world. Unless you have a valid reason to mistrust him/her, have faith in your partner.

Practice having a recovery conversation post an argument

Take a little break if you feel overwhelmed and flooded and set a timeline to process what happened. This will provide you both time to calm down and analyse your thoughts so you can have a more meaningful conversation with your partner.

For a relationship to succeed in the longer course, you should be able to trust each other. Building trust with a partner is actually about the small moments of connection that lets you to feel safe and to truly believe that your partner will be there up for you. It is the bedrock of a happy, long term partnership.

An important part of my work with Aditi and Samar focused on facilitating conversations between them that assisted to rebuild trust and affirm their commitment to each over time.

For example, Samar was able to be vulnerable and apologize for giving Aditi the silent treatment, which triggered her feelings of being mistrust and insecurity. Rather than telling her, she was too needy, he started responding to her bids for connection quite often. Luckily, Aditi gave Samar a sincere apology for her monetary infidelity linked to expenditures for her business, and she promised to practice complete disclosure in the future.

In the end, Aditi said, it was not expected when Samar was willing to listen to her side of the story and not throw out blame. I made an error and was willing to accept it for my actions but he did not rub it in or make me feel guilty than I already did. It feels like we can start again now that I have apologized and made a promise to be more open with Samar. I understand that I am fortunate that Samar forgave me.

You have the ability to shackle free from the hold that mistrust has on your relationship and make the kind of intimacy you deserve.

**To keep the confidentiality intact the names of the clients have been changed.  

Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

I am Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, I am an experienced and certified counselling psychologist, Gottman Method Certified Couples Therapist and works with eminent Hospitals in Delhi. I have helped over 17,000 couples and individuals, both in India and abroad, and helped them to solve their relationship issues, communication difficulties, and intimacy issues and rejuvenate their marital life.

I also have specialization in the area of Personal Crisis interventions like coping-up with Separation and Divorce, Domestic and Child and Adolescent issues, Depression, Stress, Loss, and Grief. I am currently working with India’s top hospital groups like IBS Hospital New Delhi (Institute of Brain & Spine) and with Express Clinics. I am also a Level 3 Trained Gottman Method Certified Couples Therapist.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.