Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Shares Eminent Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Opting for an arranged marriage? Taking the decision to marry someone is never easy. And more so when you are opting for an arranged marriage, things are not quite predictable. When you marry a person, you are in love with, you at least know that person albeit to some extent, and even the family in certain cases.

But if you marry an individual ‘arranged’ by your parents or others, you require to give things a little time and requires to discover your partner while already being in a conjugal relationship. There may be surprises (both good, bad, and ugly) in store for you each day and therefore, having pre-set expectations from your spouse might not be a wise idea.

Here are a few things you should not expect from your partner right from the first day in an arranged marriage as explained by India’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Expecting your partner to give you more importance compared to his or her parents

Your partner has lived with his or her family all throughout the life and expecting them to give you the same priority, love, and attention right from the very first day of marriage is a bit unfair. It will take months to develop the same relationship with your spouse as they have with their family and hence, hoping to be given additional importance than the family is not a right expectation.

Falling in love with in-laws

You will expect your partner to have respect and care for your parents but do must not expect them to fall in love with your family from the moment you get married. Again, you fall in love with people post spending a considerable amount of time with them and when they too reciprocate your love and care. Forming a relationship with in-laws demands efforts from both sides and the complete responsibility does not lie on your partner’s shoulders solely.

Understand you straightaway from day one

When you got to know someone just a few months before your marriage, how can you expect him or her to know fully about your likes, and dislikes and understand your fundamental nature? You can just understand your partner better when you begin living under the same roof and share your moments of happiness and overcome hurdles and struggles together.

So, if you get easily disappointed by your spouse’s behaviour or specific habits, simply remember—Rome wasn’t built in a day. Give the person ample time to understand you better contrary to setting wrong expectations.

The period of courtship

The courtship period is certainly helpful to understand your would-be partner better, particularly, if he or she was chosen by your parents or other family members. But it does not mean you are the person to stay in constant touch with you round the clock.

You ought to understand that he or she may be busy preparing for the marriage or slogging it out at the workplace. Hence, focus on spending quality time with your contrary of messaging or calling them after every few minutes.

Friend circle

Your partner is not mandatorily to be as fond of your friends as you are. It is fine to have different perceptions about each other’s friends. What truly matters most is that you provide your partner with the space to spend time and enjoy with their friends and not judge them regarding their choices.

This write-up is not an effort to criticize arranged marriage concept. We have seen both arranged and love marriages have their unique pros and cons. Eventually, any relationship will only work if both partners are ready to understand each other and be there with them during good and bad times. Besides any good relationship requires love, honesty, compassion, and sacrifices to become successful.

Explains Delhi’s Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Sadhoo

Opting to be in a relationship is not the most difficult aspect of wanting to be with someone, it is continuing to stay with them irrespective of the ups and downs. It is to understand their weaknesses and turn them into your strengths. It is the work of being totally transparent with them about your fears and insecurities say, Shivani.

Intimacy

It actually, is the close connection between two people where they share their feelings, emotions, trust, vulnerability, and closeness. However, if one imagines that intimacy requires just remaining in a romantic relationship, that would be false. This can exist between friends, family members, and even strangers in specific situations.

However, when one refers to being in a relationship, people associate intimacy with only getting physically intimate – which is only a physical aspect. While getting intimate physically, surely is an important part of a healthy relationship, it is not everything. There are various ways to increase intimacy and make your relationship healthy and without that, it is probably that the people in the relationship might drift apart opines couples therapist Shivani Sadhoo.

There are 5 kinds of intimacy that might overlap or intersect with each other from time to time. However, the relevance and essence of every single one of them are quite unique. Here is what they are as shared by India’s top marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

Emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy is actually sharing and communicating one’s innermost fears, vulnerabilities, thoughts, feelings, and experiences with another person. This is done when an individual sharing feels comfortable doing so and feels understood and supported in return. It actually, is the feeling of creating closeness with another person by being vulnerable and sharing your actual self with them.

However, forming emotional intimacy depends on both the listener and the one talking. A person can just confide in another person when they know there will be no judgment and that they are completely supported.

Physical intimacy

As the name goes, physical intimacy is fundamentally the physical closeness with another person. This could be in the form of sexual and non-sexual intimacy both, including hugging, holding hands, kissing, and cuddling. Physical intimacy is extremely vital as it means two people are comfortable sharing their physical space and bodies with each other without any judgment.

It is also quite important as physical touch in a relationship triggers oxytocin, which is the feel-good hormone. These hormones are also known as bonding hormones which assist in forming better attachments. When released, these hormones help create feelings of trust, intimacy, and closeness between partners. It is sometimes referred to as the “cuddle hormone” or “love hormone” as it can promote feelings of warmth and affection.

Intellectual intimacy

Every person is an individual and the idea of sharing one’s own opinions, beliefs, and thoughts with another individual without having to about getting into a conflict is intellectual intimacy. Here one person has to believe that their opinions and ideologies related to life or any other aspect are valued instead of feeling that they are pressured to agree with the other person’s views.

This sort of listening can foster a deep and meaningful bond between two individuals, as it needs active listening, open-mindedness, and a willingness to learn from each other. This is a top way to get closer to a partner without having to be physically intimate. Not only that, it helps two people appreciate each other’s thoughts and ideas while connecting on a level beyond surface-level small talk.

Spiritual intimacy

Similar religious practices do not mandatorily have to do with spiritual intimacy. But it could be a shared connection or understanding of spirituality or religion between two individuals. This can include sharing beliefs, values, and practices that are essential to each person. This will also include supporting the spiritual formation and growth.

This could also include engaging in spiritual practices together like praying or going to a religious place or simply meditating. It could be a great thing in a romantic relationship as it will bring a sense of shared purpose and meaning beyond the everyday aspects of the relationship.

Experiential intimacy

Experiential intimacy is generally, the deep connection developed between two people by sharing the same experiences. This could include engaging in activities or working together, forming memories by going on trips or vacations, or simply bonding by doing challenges together or living successes.

This is not just a great way to be intimate in a romantic relationship but also for non-romantic relationships as it supports strengthening trust, communication, and emotional intimacy between individuals. This not just creates a sense of shared history and bond but also helps to form a deep and meaningful relationship.

Tips Shared by India’s Eminent Marriage Counselor Shivani Sadhoo

There is always something exciting about first dates. It’s like the feeling of anticipation before a rollercoaster ride – both thrilling and nerve-racking. Getting to know someone new can be a fun and exhilarating adventure, full of surprises and unexpected turns. The early days of a relationship are filled with excitement and optimism which can be both exhilarating and overwhelming, says Shivani.

There is also the pressure to make a good impression and the uncertainty of whether the relationship will last. But, ultimately, it can also be the start of something special and meaningful. With each new step, there is potential for both joy and disappointment, and it can be difficult to know what to expect.

You don’t know if the connection will be strong, if the chemistry will be there, or if you’ll even want to take it to the next level. Amid all this excitement, you may even make a few silly mistakes on your first date. So, let’s find out more about these mistakes and ways to avoid them from Delhi’s top couples therapist and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Don’t be late

Punctuality is very important for a positive first impression on your first date. It conveys that you are serious, responsible, and considerate of the other person’s time. Showing up late can make the other person feel unappreciated and can set a negative tone for the evening. Make sure to call or text your date in case you’re running late.

 Don’t overdress

While it is imperative to dress nicely for your first date, there is no need to go overboard with it. Wearing something a bit more casual will help you relax and feel more comfortable, confident, and authentic. Dressing for a first date is like seasoning a dish – too much and it will be overwhelming, but the right amount will enhance the flavor and the experience. For example, if you’re going out for dinner, wear a nice pair of jeans with a dress shirt, or a dressy skirt with a casual top. Accessorize with subtle jewelry and stylish shoes to complete your look and make a lasting impression.

Be Polite, not Arrogant

On your first date, be polite, not arrogant. Arrogance can come off as too aggressive or demanding and can make the other person feel uncomfortable or intimidated. Being polite shows that you’re respectful and willing to listen to the other person and make them feel comfortable. For instance, when you first meet, greet the other person with a warm smile, eye contact, and a firm handshake.

Ditch your mobile phone

Ditch that mobile phone when you’re on your first date. Having a phone on the table besides being distracting can also show your disinterest in the conversation which can be off-putting for your date. Instead, put your gadgets on silent to make your evening meaningful.

 Don’t brag

Bragging is a huge turn-off on a first date. It can be interpreted as a sign of insecurity or arrogance, and it creates an imbalance in the conversation, making it one-sided and uncomfortable. Be humble and modest.

Now that you are aware of what to avoid, you can confidently embark on your dating journey!        

When you hit the like button on your bestie’s ‘picture perfect relationship’ posts with her husband on social media and feel envious, just remember that those ‘oh-so-cute’ photos have been carefully curated, edited, and filtered just to garner attention and appreciation from friends, relatives, strangers, and acquaintances. However, in real life, there are no filters. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

Relationships undergo a series of trials and tribulations. In any relationship, conflict is inevitable, but it is critical to recognize when it is a red flag. However, it is not the end of the world. Just like we consult a doctor when we fall sick, couples too can take help from relationship counsellors to save their relationship from falling apart.

Many times, couples feel embarrassed by the idea of seeking help and avoid seeing a therapist. But, believe it or not, couples counseling really helps. Even a healthy relationship can benefit from it. So, how do you know that your relationship needs counseling? Here are a few signs to look out for according to New Delhi’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

• Communication gap: Communication is the key to all successful relationships. In order to understand each other, couples need to communicate well. And always remember that communication is a two-way process. If you want yourself to be heard, you too must lend your ear whenever your partner wants to share their feelings and emotions. So, if you really feel that your partner constantly withdraws from an interaction or simply avoids confronting the issues, then this is a classic case of stonewalling. This is where a counselor may be able to break down the wall between you two and help with proper communication.

• Lack of intimacy: Do you suddenly feel that your relationship has lost its spark? Although the honeymoon phase may not last forever, the feeling of togetherness must not fade away. Lack of physical and emotional intimacy can affect your relationship badly. Talking to a relationship counselor might help.

• Too many arguments: As mentioned earlier in this article, arguments are an inevitable part of any relationship. Arguments are not necessarily bad. It is the way people handle them that makes a difference. Sometimes conflicts blow out of proportion. Couples must ‘agree to disagree’ to resolve a conflict in a healthy way. Relationship counselors can help you diffuse disagreements in a calm and composed way and make sure you respect and love each other.

• Lack of trust: Trust is the cornerstone of a strong and successful relationship. Once broken, it is difficult to rebuild. Many times, couples fail to comprehend the real reason for this lack of trust. And that’s where a relationship expert comes into the picture. A counselor can help couples decode the real reasons for mistrust and help them rebuild it.

• An Affair: No relationship is ever without flaws. But, if you or your partner are thinking of having or already having an affair, then there’s something seriously wrong with your relationship. The very thought of having an affair is a clear indication that you are seeking something your partner or better half cannot provide you with. This is regardless of whether it is an emotional or physical desire. If you have had an affair already or are planning to have one, then it is high time you consider taking help from a relationship counselor. This will help repair that breach of trust.

• Transition: Even though change is the only constant in this life, any significant change in your life, whether it is getting married, having a child, buying a house, getting sick, or even changing careers, can create friction in relationships. Getting help from a counselor may be the best way to help you deal with change effectively.

Modern life has become so hectic that even 24 hours is not enough. Our brains are busier than ever before. Finding time for each other sounds like an impossible task. But, sometimes we need to disconnect from the hustle and bustle of everyday life in order to reconnect with our significant other. The need of the hour is to spend some quality time together as a couple. And what could be more blissful than a romantic getaway far from the madding crowd? Let’s find out from Shivani Misri Sadhoo, India’s top marriage counsellor, how a romantic getaway can add magic to your relationship.

Makes your relationship stronger: Besides rejuvenating your soul, a romantic getaway makes you stronger as a couple. From hiking to scuba diving, and spa treatments to candlelit dinners, you spend time together from sunrise to sunset. This constant togetherness rekindles the spark and strengthens your relationship further.

Stress buster: Travelling together takes away all your worries. The change in environment makes you feel happier and healthier. With beautiful surroundings, your mind remains calm and composed. As a couple, you can savor these moments of peace and comfort. Studies reveal that regular romantic getaways improve your quality of life. The stress of your stressful days can be left behind, albeit temporarily.  

Renews intimacy: Romantic vacations bring two people closer. The bond of love and trust deepens. They get more comfortable with each other. This allows couples to confide in one another and become good friends. Spending time together in a romantic ambiance enhances emotional and physical intimacy in a relationship. It gives them the strength to handle tough situations together.

Know each other better: While traveling together you discover another side of your partner. You see your partner in a different light. Getting out of your comfort zone and exploring new places together simply helps you to know each other better. It develops mutual understanding, trust, and confidence.

Reduces conflicts: Travelling broadens your perspective. Romantic vacations give you the opportunity to accept and adjust to new circumstances where you learn the art of cooperation and coordination. This helps you to become a better problem solver. It reduces conflicts and disagreements.

Become happier: Taking time off from your busy schedule and traveling together helps to recharge your mood. By stepping away from their daily grind, their mind becomes stress-free. The mere act of planning a vacation together creates an environment of anticipation and excitement. This feeling of something to look forward to itself gives you a positive vibe. You feel happier as a couple.

Rekindles love: Sometimes romantic feelings fade away as life takes a roller coaster ride. Romantic trips can help you fall in love with each other once again by creating beautiful memories that you will cherish for a long time.

Takeaway

So, what are you waiting for? Stop making excuses and pack your bags for that much-awaited romantic vacation to come back home relaxed, recharged, and rejuvenated. 

Shares India’s Leading Couples Therapist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

If marriages are truly made in heaven, then why are divorce rates increasing globally? Is it because of the pandemic or should we blame the 7-year itch? Whatever the reason, divorce is not a solution because problems do not disappear after a divorce. Nowadays, people have become accustomed to everything being disposable. We keep changing our gadgets, our jobs, and even our life partners. Many couples feel divorce is the only way of getting out of the routine. However, that is not true because even if you feel that your marriage is on the edge of collapsing, it is within the realm of repair.

So, if you’re wondering exactly what you should be doing to bolster your marriage and avoid divorce, scroll down to read a few ways suggested by Delhi’s top marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Expectations must be realistic: We feel upset when our expectations remain unfulfilled. Usually, marriages fail when partners cannot fulfil one another’s needs, leading to disappointments and disagreements, and in most cases, divorce. Learn to burn your resentments. Instead, sit and discuss which of the expectations are realistic enough to be fulfilled and what kind of adjustments can make things better.

Communicate daily: Proper communication will foster emotional intimacy that will strengthen the relationship further.

No secrets: Transparency is the best policy when it comes to any relationship. Let your better half know all about you—your ambitions and aspirations, your deep concerns, and your deep fears without invading your privacy. Being transparent builds trust and fosters intimacy and a sense of security in a relationship.

Laugh with each other: Love can keep a couple together, but shared laughter strengthens the bond between the two. Laughing and giggling with your partner helps to overcome stress and conflicts in a relationship thereby making it stronger. Laughter is indeed the best medicine.

Money matters: While it is true that money isn’t everything, yet one of the main reasons for divorce today, is related to finance. Couples must share their financial expectations to strengthen their marriage. Whether it is sharing your debt and credit status or combining of finances, you must be aware of each other’s financial goals.

Show kindness and respect: Mutual respect is one of the cornerstones of all successful marriages. Be kind and considerate towards each other. Marriage is all about the little things. Small gestures of love and appreciation add a whole new dimension to your relationship. Consider picking up her favorite coffee table book or flowers from the store. Use the golden words—please, sorry, and thank you frequently.

Bottom line

Marriage is all about sharing and caring. A marriage is built day by day and brick by brick, just as Rome was not built in a day. A lot of work goes into living “happily ever after”. So, keep investing in your relationship and make the right changes that will bring sunshine to your life.

As Suggested by Couples Therapist Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

When a train passes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineman.  Life is not always about roses and rainbows or chocolates and candies. There are good times and bad times. Good relationships and bad relationships. You just need to stay strong and have faith; things will work out slowly.

Has your partner left you confused lately? Do you feel unloved or unwanted? Have you stopped listening to each other? Do you keep arguing over petty issues? Stop burying your head in the sand and pretending that everything is alright.

It is an alarming time that you address these issues. Let us find out the ways to deal with a rough patch in your relationship as suggested by Delhi’s top marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Walking down memory lane: Remembering the good old days can bring back that spark in your relationship. Flipping through the pages of an old album or scrolling through your social media photos can add positivity to your relationship.

Break the silence: Silence is not always golden. Communicate with each other. Discuss your problems. Communication is effective only when both the speaker and listener cooperate with each other. Both partners need to listen, understand and respect each other’s point of view. Only then will this problem be solved.

Learn to forgive: Let bygones be bygones! Research suggests that the act of forgiveness can improve your mental and physical well-being. Isn’t that good news? While it is not easy to let go of past grudges and bitterness, forgiveness can act as a healing balm for your wounded relationship. We must always remember that;

‘Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.’

Spend more quality time together: Make a ‘couple’s bucket list. Do things that may or may not excite you but make sure you do it together. Plan secret dates for each other. Go for long walks. The more time you spend together, the closer you will get to each other and this will help you understand each other better.

It takes two people to make or break a relationship: It takes two to make a relationship work. No matter how much you try to be good, your partner will have to put in equal effort to make the relationship work. Love is not solely about finding a good partner. It is also about you, being a good partner.

Sometimes conflict also gives you the opportunity to understand, appreciate and embrace differences. So, whatever happens, don’t give up. Make sure that you give your heart to the same person every time.

Some of the biggest Mistakes Couples Commit Before They Get Married Explains Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

So, you could only talk about all the great things that come along with your marriage, or you can be realistic and prepare yourself with what you really require to make your marriage last and successful yep, you could be in an extremely different world and walk around wearing rose-colored glasses. But divorces yet happen.

Then there is a new generation who are actually realistic about their marriage and up for the challenge to do what it takes to make the marriage one that they can be proud of and really enjoy.

Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo concedes that in her career as a therapist she had the honor of stepping into people’s relationships and supporting them to connect a few dots that had been left out post the marriage. She further adds that she has witnessed the ups and downs rights and lefts and crossroads in between.

Here are very common mistakes that couples commit before they got married that eventually turned out to be the cause of their separation or divorce. Through this blog India’s eminent couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo is going to share these mistakes, further hoping that you will be different and have a better probability as a couple.

Getting married because of all the “wrong” reasons

Indeed it is the bitter truth, but the reality is several couples simply dive into the marriage because of certain or several wrong reasons. Depending upon each individual and also couples.

Some of the listed examples are:

• You feel pressurised due to friends, family, relatives, and yourself or get an ultimatum from your partner if in a relationship.
• You have been dating for quite some time and it’s simply time.
• Your friends or peers have kids, now you wish to have kids
• Compare yourself to friends, and acquaintances and do not want to get old and be the sole one not married.
• You think you are all alone, and for simply that you need a partner.
• Another bitter reality is that certain individuals simply want to get married so that they can enjoy physical gratification.

Do not know themselves completely

The most essential relationship you will ever have is the sole one you have with yourself. If you do not take the time to get to know yourself completely, your values, your passions, your limitations, and your deal breakers, your challenges, or complexities how could you ever share them with your partner?

One of the most crucial things you need to do in an attempt to make your marriage work successfully is to know yourself fully and be able to articulate your needs, desires and wants to your spouse in a manner they understand and want to provide them to you.

Lapsing while discussing goals

You are either able to let your marriage happen to you or you can make it happen the manner you want it to be developing goals and a vision that you can both get equally excited about. Having goals not just provides a common passion for you to work on together as a team, but it also lends excitement to your relationship since, you now have things to look ahead to.

Getting too clouded by the thought of a wedding

Alright, you cannot leave out the wedding. True, it is all quite exciting and has its own place in the process. Simply, do not make it the sole thing you think about. Make it awesome, but do not allow reality to subside in an effort to get into a flower and cake fantasy story. Doing that has the strength to blind you to the ground realities that will come along with being a new wife or husband.

Never do some sort of preparation and actually investigate and educate themselves

Certain research indicates that merely twelve marriage preparation sessions lower your odds of divorce by close to 50%. Also, there is a marriage movement going on where marriage coaches, educators, and experts everywhere are giving ridiculous amounts of information, tips, and skills for engaged couples to support and prepare for their marriage. In fact, there are couples who say they’d never have an unsupervised marriage.

When you get ready and have someone to assist you to navigate and negotiating, it makes things a lot better and easier. You know as they say, “work smarter, not harder!” It also fits for marriage.  Now there is no excuse, since, the information is out there. You will not go swimming or drive a car without learning how correct? So why would you even commit to a life of something that too with someone without learning how? Never do it.

Do not ask relevant and sufficient questions

Asking questions beforehand and the most essentially relevant question in your relationship is one of the most vital and inexpensive ways to form a solid foundation for your marriage. Talking regarding roles, household responsibilities, finances, in-laws, social activities, intimacy, sex, and various other important topics can create a world of a difference in the future of your marriage.

Hopefully, you will learn from the mistakes of several others who have taken the path you are about to initiate. Remember though, a mistake is not MANDATORILY a bad thing. In an attempt to truly experience love in its purest manner, you should be willing to take risks. If you never take any sort of risk, you would never commit any “mistakes.”

And if you never do any mistakes then you will never learn about the proper way to do things for yourself and subsequently for your partner.  So embrace life and never beat yourself up if you make an error, simply make certain you learn something from it to take ahead with you.

No doubt that marriages never work on a fixed formula, but being prepared and doing the right things at the right time can certainly save plenty of heartaches.

Leading Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo decodes the impact of our anxieties and sadness on our relationships and she reveals how counseling can help to rejuvenate the marriages

Anxiety and depression destroy relationships because they make a problem-causing cycle between two individuals trying to be together meaningfully. Both depression and anxiety can exterminate that meaning and replace it with mistrust. This forms relationship dissatisfaction, which in turn could exacerbate mental health struggles.

The bigger and stronger anxiety and depression get, the more stress engulfs the positives in a relationship. The vicious cycle continues until anxiety and depression end the relationship. This is not guaranteed, however. You can do things to support your mental health and your relationship, says Shivani Sadhoo.

Through this blog India’s top couples therapist and psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares how depression and anxiety affect a relationship and how counseling can help.

How do anxiety and depression impact relationships?

One of the strongest contributing factors to the vicious cycle of depression, anxiety, and romantic relationship distress is perspective. How you view and interpret people and circumstances greatly impacts your relationship. One of the issues with depression and anxiety is that they engulf and darken perspectives. In a relationship, this jagged perception can do quite a bit of damage, like:

• Corrupt thoughts and making negative thinking patterns are the go-to methods of interpreting the relationship and partner.
• Making negative emotions about issues magnified by anxiety or depression.
• Making hurtful misunderstandings and misinterpretations of words, body language, and conduct.
• Enhanced negative beliefs, including dissatisfaction with each other and the overall relationship.

When a person experiences depression, anxiety, or both, their clouded perceptions start to influence their actions in their relationship. Negative thoughts and emotions could be hurtful and frustrating, but on their own, they are not enough to damage a relationship. It is when they start to impact choices and actions that a hole in a relationship turns into a deep chasm. You may notice some of these problems or similar ones in yourself, your spouse, and your relationship:

• You do not connect because you or your partner are afraid of intimacy.
• You do not connect since you or your partner is too exhausted.
• You constantly argue, bicker, and blame because of irritability and anger created by either anxiety or depression.
• One or both of you has withdrawn, so you are no longer present together in the relationship.
• Sexual affection and tender moments have ended.
• One or both of you has given up other friendships and interests, creating isolation, guilt, and resentment (when one of the partners does this due to depression and anxiety, it negatively influences the other).
• Criticism starts to replace caring words.

Depression, anxiety, and relationships are a lethal combination. Two caring entities who were once in love can become exhausted and disappointed. This could destroy any relationship. That is the worst news. The great news is that if you live with anxiety and depression, your relationship is not automatically doomed.

How to help relationships being damaged due to depression and anxiety

Anxiety, depression, and relationships go to and fro together. While this could be problematic when the cycle goes down into the deep chasm that has happened in your relationship, this associated movement provides a wonderful opportunity to help and heal.

Remember that negative cycle of depression, anxiety, and relationship dissatisfaction and distress? You are able to turn that same cycle into a positive one. By acting, even in a little manner, in one aspect you simultaneously support the others. When you and your significant one do things to reduce anxiety or depression, they both improve.

As these mental health struggles lose strength bit by bit, your perception regarding your relationship shifts. You are able to witness it more positively. Then that healthier relationship helps anxiety and depression.

One of the most essential ways to help depression, anxiety, and your relationship is for you and your partner to fully reconnect with each other.

If you have ever been the victim of infidelity, the first thing you probably asked was, “why?” The outcomes of infidelity are numerous, and it is just natural to seek to know why your partner opts to cheat, even if knowing why does not bring you any relief. There might be any number of reasons, and there are several kinds of infidelity and cheating that could shed some light on those reasons, opines Shivani.

Infidelity, or cheating, is an act of being unfaithful to your partner. It usually, means engaging in sexual or romantic relations with another person other than his or her significant other, damaging a commitment or promise in the act.

Each instance of infidelity is different and fulfills a distinct need. Even though knowing why a partner cheated probably would not lessen any pain or anger you feel, being capable to rationalize the behavior and define it will allay some confusion. It could also help you feel more confident in terms of how to move forward from the situation, whether that means working on healing your relationship or moving on or should you decide to split up.

Learn more through this blog by India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo where she explains five forms of cheating and things to do if you find yourself the victim of infidelity. Here are the types:

Opportunistic Infidelity

Opportunistic infidelity happens when one person is in love and attached to their partner, but succumbs to their sexual urge and desire for someone else. Generally, this sort of cheating is driven through situational circumstances or opportunity, risk-taking conduct. Shivani says not every act of infidelity is premeditated and forced by dissatisfaction with a current relationship. Perhaps, two individuals were drinking or in some other manner thrown into an opportunity they never anticipated.

Post the fact, the more in love a person is with their significant other, the more guilt they will feel as a result of their physical encounter. However, feelings of guilt seem to fade as the fear of being caught abates.

Obligatory infidelity

This sort of infidelity is formed on the fear that resisting someone’s sexual advances will have an outcome in rejection. People might have feelings of sexual longing, love, and attachment for a partner, but still, end up cheating since they have a strong requirement for approval. Also, their need for approval could cause them to act in a manner that is at odds compared to their other feelings. In simple words, some people cheat, not due to the fact they want to cheat, but because they require the approval that comes besides having the attention of others.

Commemorative Infidelity

This kind of infidelity happens when a person is in a committed relationship but has no feelings for their other half. There is no sexual desire, love, or attachment, just a sense of obligation to keep the couple together. Lacking love and lacking commitment to a present romantic partner are both linked to general feelings of relationship dissatisfaction.

These kinds of people justify cheating by telling themselves they have every right to look for what they are not availing of in their present relationship. Unfulfilled sexual needs could easily come into play here. Perhaps, in their established relationship, individuals are not engaging in the frequency of sex, the pattern of sex, or certain sexual behaviors that they aspire to. This could contribute to their logic to cheat.

Romantic Infidelity

At times (but not always) a deficit in a present relationship leads people to have extradyadic affairs. This sort of infidelity happens when the cheater has a small emotional attachment to their partner. They might be committed to their marriage and making it work, but they desire an intimate, loving connection with someone else.

More than possibly, their commitment to the marriage will stop them from ever leaving their spouse. Romantic infidelity means agony for the other man or woman and the cheating partner, rarely does it go into a long-term, committed relationship. Marital issues have to be quite severe prior to a spouse will leave the marriage for another individual.

Conflicted Romantic Infidelity

This happens when people experience true love and sexual desire for more than one individual at a time. Despite the idealistic notion of having just one true love, it is possible to feel intense romantic love for several people at the same time. While such scenarios are emotionally possible, they are quite complicated and seem to create plenty of anxiety and stress. In this scenario, cheating partners, in their effort not to cause anyone harm, mostly end up hurting everyone.

What to do after being cheated on

Now that whatever confusion you have hopefully been assuaged, it is up to you to decide what kind of steps to take next. Several marriages and relationships can survive infidelity, but whether or not yours will survive depends on what sort of infidelity took place and how much work you are both willing to put in. It is simply common sense to know that an opportunistic or a habitual cheater will cheat irrespective of how many times their cheating has been discovered and forgiven. Having said that any other reasons why your partner cheated do not mean they would not cheat again, so bear that in mind while deciding what steps to take next.