Category Archive : marriage counselor in delhi

The Mystery of Loving an Abuser

When we are in a relationship with a person, we have an additional bond with that person with all humanity. Imagine the bond to be a very strong silver code that ties, two people together. Because we are “suckers for punishment”. It literally sucks us back to the person until we either realize that we no longer need them and move on.

Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo says identify an abusive partner else it becomes way too late. An abusive partner is insidious and slowly consumes away your confidence and self-esteem. Where the impacts are for the long term may be life long and might take even longer to recover. One should never willingly enter into an abusive relationship, even when someone close to you warns, what they can see but you cannot.

This blog by India’s leading psychologist and counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo discusses abuse and why some people still love a person who has abused them.

Abuse is Common

More than 3 Million incidents of partner’s violence are reported each year, including both a man and a woman. 1/3rd of women and 1/4th of men have experienced some sort of interpersonal violence and for one-fourth of women and one-seventh of men, it’s severe.

A woman gets physically beaten or assaulted every 9 seconds.

20 persons are abused by their intimate partner each minute, adding about 10 million every year.

Some Facts About Abusers

Both men and women can be victims. If someone you love says they’ve been the victim of domestic or emotional violence, you should believe and support them, since no gender is safe and no amount of physical strength or emotional fortitude protect against abuse.

·         Usually, abuse takes place behind closed doors.

·         Abusers blame the victim.

·         Violence is proceeded by verbal abuse.

·         Abusers deny their actions.

·         The abuser desires to be correct and in control.

·         The abuser is possessive and could try to isolate their partner from friends or family.

·         The abuser is hypersensitive and could react with rage.

·         Two-thirds of violence perpetrators have been drinking alcohol, using drugs.

You may not realize that abusers feel powerless. They never act insecure to hide the truth. One common thing is that their motive is to have power over their victim. To them, communication is a win-lose game.

Reasons Why One Still Loves an Abuser

There are some reasons why one still loves an abuser. One of the points one raises is that falling in love is natural. So, if somehow things go awful. It does not mean that they should leave the abuser. Thoughts like forgiveness and kindness rule the course. Let us take some of the reasons why one still loves an abuser?

Being Refused to Survive

If one was not treated with respect in his/her family and has low self-esteem, he/she will tend to deny the abuse. Often thoughts cross probably I deserve the same. And blaming oneself is often easy stating probably it’s your own fault. And the life without that person has no meaning.

Projection, Glorification and Recurrence Compulsion

Sometimes thoughts of unpleasant childhood run amok. Maybe if the abuser reminds you of one of your parents. Then thinking liking probably now you can mend the things keeps on running in your mind. You end up believing that this could be the time of redeeming your overall past and secure a future.

The Cycle

Just like a fact that a honeymoon cannot go on forever. Similarly, you get yourself in a trap believing the one or two incidents of being abused will not be repeated. This gives you the belief that you can stay together.

Empathy

Many people feel that having empathy with an abuser will help things to go better. However, in doing so one often ignores empathy for himself/herself. As a result, you start to deny the fact that you are living with pain.

These are often some of the reasons that force one to stay with an abuser. Even if there is a repeated offense.

What to Do

If one is being mentally and emotionally abused, believe your gut instincts. Know that it is not correct and you do not need to live this way. Otherwise, your options come down to the specifics of your circumstances.

·         Accept that the abuse isn’t your responsibility.

·         Disengage and set personal boundaries.

·         Exit the relationship or circumstances.

·         Give yourself time to heal.

·         If you feel you are in violent, controlling, a co-dependent or abusive relationship or want to get recovery from such a relationship contact.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Essential Tips To Control Your Fear And Anxiety During The Times Of COVID-19: Shares Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

When it is about the COVID-19 or the coronavirus pandemic, there is what you hear and see and post taking it all there is how it all makes you feel.

You have been asked to stay home as long as possible. Restaurants and eating joints are taking delivery to home orders only. Bars, malls, theaters, offices, schools, and colleges are all closed. You switch on the television to watch the news and again it is all about the coronavirus.

You go through your social media feeds and COVID-19 is there, too. It is far too much to take in, and if you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed and panicked you are not alone.

But everyone is prepared, and want you to feel prepared, too.

The world has seen epidemics before and overcame those times. You are all in this together, and it is vital that you all stay calm and work together.

If you see yourself feeling stressed about the situation, this article written by Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo based in Delhi is for you.

Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares essential tips to control your fear and anxiety during the times of COVID-19.

Ensure You Are Getting The Verified Facts

News and information about the COVID-19 pandemic is everywhere. Local news, online news sources, social media feeds everyone seems to have information, and they definitely all have opinions. Staying updated is vital, but you will want to ensure that who you are listening to and getting it right.

The COVID-19 pandemic is a grave situation, and you must take your cues and your facts from a verified source only. For information regarding the coronavirus, including symptoms, how to protect yourself, who is at higher risk, resources for the community and others. It is recommended that using recommend using govt sources as your primary source of truth.

Healthwise Look To Stay Fit

You must always keep your health as a priority, especially, during a pandemic, staying healthy becomes more crucial than ever.

Never forget about your health. You need to stay healthy to lower your risk of contracting any illness, including COVID-19. Staying healthy means eating healthy, drinking plenty of water and getting good sleep and exercising daily. These healthy habits will also assist you lower and manage the stress of handling the changes and challenges you face during these times.

Try To Manage Your Anxiety And Fear

There is a lot of uncertainty regarding the COVID-19. How long will it last? How grave will it get? But bear in mind, there are plenty of things about the coronavirus you do know and you are learning more about it daily.

It may sound counterintuitive, but 1 of the finest ways to manage your fear of the unknown is to prepare yourselves for the fact that uncertainty does exist.

Currently, no one can say how long this will last. But it would be realistic that everyone should all prepare for a quite unusual next few months, simultaneously one should also prepare for this to go on for even longer than that.

In the meantime, it is critical to counter anxiety and fear with the things that make you relax.

If you need to unwind, listen to music and talk to your loved ones especially when you are confined to your homes.  Do remember to practice social distancing as you meet others.

You can also overcome the fear of the unknown by paying attention on what you can control, like understanding your role in preventing the spread of coronavirus and maintaining the normalcy as much as you can.

Take Complete Advantage Of Your Home Stay

In the beginning, social distancing may sound uncomfortable but you might want to look at it as an opportunity. Consider utilizing this time at home to catch up on the kinds of stuff that get put on the backbench of a busy and hectic life.

·         Try to do the following while at home:

·         Do house-related chores like cleaning and washing.

·         Read books

·         Call and Chat with friends and relatives

·         Indulge in your hobbies.

·         Spend time with family members

Practice Meditation And Mindfulness

It is essential to stay updated on the COVID-19 pandemic, but fixating on it could lead to unwanted stress. After catching up on the news, you may look to set aside time for mindfulness, meditation or prayer.

Long, deep breaths, concentrating on the present, and taking some time to be grateful for what you have are all wonderful ways to re-align yourself and bring a sense of calmness to your life.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Tips To Keep Your Relationship Away From Destroying During Quarantine And Lockdown

For several couples, being stuck inside together in their little spaces for a certain week seems like a dream come true. But for other couples, this might be their worst nightmare. From what has been heard, that some couples quarantined together are already losing their minds and you have got a long way to go.

Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

As you are all being told to follow and practice social distancing, and even in certain cases, being instructed not to leave the house completely unless for critical purposes, couples are being quarantined together for an indefinite period of time. If you are feeling stressed out about the effects of coronavirus on your relationship, understand that you are not alone, and your anxious reaction to being quarantined with your partner is just normal.

Today, Delhi based Psychologist, Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few tips to keep your relationship away from destroying during quarantine and lockdown.

How To Maintain Your Relationship?

Any kind of sudden change takes plenty of time to adjust to, and when you are all navigating something unprecedented such as the Covid-19, further beings asked to work from home and being around your significant other round the clock, this is plenty of changes at once. There’s also, plenty of uncertainty right now, and your stress levels are high. So, being suddenly enclosed in an apartment or home with your partner round the clock, when you are not used to it, with everything else, is a lot for your mind has to cope with.”

In order to assist, you cope with all of these modifications, here are some of the tips that could be helpful.

Make Some Time For Alone Time

Alone time every day is essential. Everybody needs time for themselves and it cannot only be when you use the bathroom. Take time to be alone whether this is to simply breathe, text with a friend, sleeping, read and whatever that you are interested in. The crucial thing is to take time to be with you, yourself, and only you.”

Try to arrange timing with your partner, that way, when you are having your alone time, your partner can have theirs, as well. You both require time apart from each other to reboot and make sure that you do not rip each other’s eyes out.

Make A Schedule

Several amongst you are struggling to keep a normal schedule presently, which is a sad thing because most of you rely on schedules for a sense of stability and even to counter things such as anxiety and depression.

Couples need to sit down together and come up with a tentative schedule to add some structure and make things seem a little normal. This is specifically helpful for couples navigating working from home together that too for the first time, or being around each other more than normal. You can also use this period to set some normal ground rules about noise or interruptions while working.

Keep In Touch With Outside World

Sadly, during this period, this is not possible (actually, possible but quite ill-advised PLEASE do not do it unless it is a sort of an emergency. The total objective of social distancing is to avoid the spreading of germs, and that only is possible when you all stay home. But, thanks to modern technology, there are several ways to communicate with others. Do not neglect relationships with friends and loved ones who are not your partner.

Ensure that you have 1 to 2 phone calls every day with other people that are helpful to your mental health and overall sanity and connection. Plan video chats or phone calls with at least a friend or family member daily. It is paramount to maintain your other relationships, even while you are mainly with your partner.

Learn How To Communicate Better

Communication is a base in every relationship, but when you are quarantined together all round the clock, communication is even more essential. Part of this is learning to fight well-meaning being compassionate, and not engaging in ridiculing, name-calling, or shaming. You are all going to lose it for what sounds like no reason, you are going to be rude or not the best version of yourself and that is fine, you need to give yourself and your partner a grace.

Use This Time To Your Advantage

If you are amongst those couples who live together but rarely ever sees each other due to conflicting work schedules or social lives, this is the time to reconnect. Although it does not feel good to be trapped at home, you can still utilize the most of it and do fun activities with your partner.

Here are some of the things that you can do.

·         Spend extra time, learn and explore new things about each other.

·         Play games together.

·         Clean, redecorate and make your home look good.

Being Stubborn Can Be A Great Thing? Reasons Your Often-Faulty Trait Is Actually Advantageous

Stubbornness comes mostly with a bad reputation. The definition of a stubborn personality has gathered a false perception of negative traits that includes the following excessive ego, unwillingness to be wrong, ill-tempered, self-centric, fearful of the unknown, controlling, hyper-competitive and defensive.

Where is the other side of the coin? Stubbornness carries excessive of a negative persona, but it can be quite an asset.

Here Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about a few great things about being stubborn.

Stubborn Person Know What He Does Or Does Not Want

Simply because of a stubborn person is not easily moved by opinions, or follows the path of pleasing others, it does not mean the person is self-centric

It is fine to be able to have a stubborn aspect so you can stick to your true values without allowing the opinions of others to affect you.

They Tend To Be More Decisive

A stubborn person is aware of what he wants and what he does not and looks to be more decisive and prompter to the point. For someone having a passive personality, this can come across in the wrong light.

A stubborn person can simply burn a passive personality, and make the person feel like a victim or decisions are being forced on them, but that is only with the faulty choice of the passive. A stubborn person is not every time high-headed in their attempt to control others but in their knowingness of what is good for them or the circumstances. Unless it is a pure ploy to rebel or hurt the other individual, doing what you know is good for yourself is not a bad thing. In fact, it can be a quite healthy act.

They Have Their Own Way

Following your heart takes true determination since, the path of the heart tends to be filled by intuition. It has the habit to move towards the unconventional and can seem illogical to others

However, a stubborn person moves past all the obstacles. They stick to their belief because being stubborn allows detachment from external influences.

They Persevere

A stubborn person has lesser tendencies to give in or give up on their aspirations. If you are stubborn, you can use it to your benefits in all aspects of your life. If you go through a tough breakup, failed academic plans, dream job or whatever else, you can be stubborn for your own self.

It will be beneficial for your well-being to persevere through the torrid patches of life and keep moving ahead. Do not give in to the overly critical people saying that you are too harsh on yourself. As long as you are in tune with your values and pursuits, you can go the distance.

Simply know that being stubborn does not necessarily mean you are totally rigid in your ways; it only means you know what you want and where you are. A stubborn person never settles for less than what he/she wants.

They Have A Mind Of Their Own, They Are Not Close Minded

Being stubborn persons does not always mean one is close-minded. There are a lot of stubborn individuals who open their ears to other’s views they just may decide to not be affected due to their own values, opinions or upbringings.

Whatever the case could be, stubborn persons have a mind of their own, which can be a valuable asset in life. This life is your own, and being stubborn can be a very appealing quality because having the willingness to listen only to your soul creates a particular magnetism.

Deep down, everyone wants to have the willpower to do exactly what their hearts ask for and stubborn person tend to chase their dreams being more focussed.