Author: Relationship and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Signs One is Living in a Dysfunctional Relationship

When there appears to be more emotional turbulence than fulfillment in your relationship, or when your time together becomes a lot destructive than constructive, you are perhaps in a dysfunctional relationship

The roots of dysfunctional relationships mostly stem from childhood. Those who were raised up in a troublesome environment may not have had healthy relationships modeled.  They might subsequently end up repeating dysfunctional patterns in their own romantic relationships.

Mostly, unresolved individual problems can also lead to dysfunction.  After all, the journey to a strong, healthy connection has plenty to do with how well you know yourself and how safe and mentally healthy you feel. There cannot be any relationship with someone else that can compensate for your own unhappiness, no matter how well it is. Expecting your partner to make you happy, content, or fulfill could lead you to disappointment and dysfunctional patterns.

Even though no relationship is perfect, it is the genuine and mutual desire to communicate respectfully and manage conflict that can assist you to weather the most difficult storms.

Here, in this article marriage counselor and relationship counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about signs that one is living in a dysfunctional relationship.

Higher Levels of Conflict

Destructive communication involves a never-ending pattern of escalation. Imagine beginning off a discussion with; “The problem with you is…”, or “Why are you always so self-centric?”. It is quite simple to see the intensification of negativity this could invoke. Certainly, there is no such thing as a relationship having no conflict. Only a specific percentage of problems are solvable. So, what couples ought to have is a sense of forgiveness, conflict management, and good communication skills. This is probably the biggest hallmark of a healthy relationship.

In this sense, the danger is never the conflict, but disconnection. If you do not consistently confront your issues, you can end up in a never-ending circle of negativity, repeating the same argument time and again. It is when you have issues reconnecting and resolving your problems, or end up avoiding your problems altogether, that you feed dysfunction.

Emotional Disconnection

The reality is everyone needs emotional security to grow and thrive in a relationship. When one reads and responds, shares and listens, they create a relationship where emotional trust and safety exist and intimacy flourishes. It is not unusual for modern-day stresses and obligations to pull you apart. While several couples can come back together and heal, some stay chronically disconnected and might need assistance learning to connect.

Being emotionally out of tune is specifically destructive if your partner is attempting to make a bid for connection, and rather than acknowledging the bid, you turn away. For example, you see your partner, specifically, sad one day, instead of reaching out and/or asking if they need to talk, you overlook them and go on watching TV. Emotional involvement, active interest, and concern for your partner are signs of healthy functional relationships. A serious indication of dysfunction happens when you notice your partner stops bothering or fighting for the relationship.

Imbalance of Power

When you feel a power hierarchy within the relationship, where one of you is controlling the majority of the decisions shows very little respect, offers no compromise, or one where you do not dare risk honest self-expression, then you are likely having an imbalance of power in your relationship. This could look like one partner is asking for more and the other pulling away, or where you have small influence and are ignored.

In healthy relationships, both partners vouch for power during a conflict. But when power and control are prioritized instead of love and respect there will possibly be dysfunction.

Blame

Mostly the frustrated, dissatisfied, and unhappy couples are those who blame their partners for problems in the relationship. On the other hand, those who take personal accountability for solving their issues score highest in marital satisfaction.

Taking personal responsibility is vital to happy relationships. It means if your partner crosses a line, rather than blaming yourself or your partner, you take charge of the problems that come up. If you take responsibility for your role, and you both feel it is your duty to make each other happy, you will possibly decrease dysfunction.

Resentment

A high level of resentment within a relationship is the silent poison that mostly leads to destructive and harmful communication patterns. Resentment leaks into your daily interaction and makes your attempt to repair things more difficult.

Prolonged resentment sours your views on the relationship.  It mostly ties up with pride, identity, or values and can feel impossible to get rid of. Resentments require to be understood.  Ask yourself, what is creating these feelings? Is it linked to the past? Mostly resentment is rooted in deep core values and beliefs being threatened. Look to focus on your own feelings, then explain what the problems represent and mean to you.

Overall, it is well known that one cannot completely avoid conflict, disengagement, power struggles, blame, or resentment within relationships. One can have their attitude and mindset, however.

Try to look out for compassion and prioritize your relationship; nurture, and take an active part in the well-being of your partner. This goes a long way to functional, healthy, loving, and caring relationships.


Some Habits of Women that Makes them Look Attractive

It is not always a good gene at play when it comes to being an attractive woman. Her personality, qualities, and confidence all play a major role in unleashing her bright and shiny self, says Shivani.

Changes in actions, behavior, and speaking skills contribute to the attractiveness of a woman. The truth is, it is no longer about looks anymore.  Let’s know in this blog by psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo who talks about what traits attractive women possess.

Confidence

Having a killer confidence is worth dying for. Women who are confident of themselves, their abilities, and know what they are worth, are quite attractive and admirable. Such a woman does not feel the need to compare herself with any other in an attempt to feel beautiful and pretty. She is aware that true beauty comes from within and that no one can snatch that thunder from her.

Financial Independence

A woman who is able to manage and handle all of her finances alone is considered pretty attractive. Providing for herself and planning her own finances proves that she is quite strong and does not need to depend on others for her survival. Independency is quite an attractive trait that relates to self-made personalities.

Humble

Being egoistic regarding money and power is going to get no one anywhere. A woman is attractive when she is humble about her origins, does not sound phony, and enjoys and values life as it is. Having compassion for others and all things will make a person more approachable. Being confident and humble in the proper amount can term you as an attractive woman.

Positive Mindset

Having a positive approach to everything irrespective of the circumstances is indeed applause-worthy. A woman who opts to see the light instead of looming in the dark is an actual motivator because her positive personality will motivate others to also follow positivity and not drown in negative thoughts.

Smile

Having a pretty smile always attracts the heart. A beautiful and attractive woman loves to flash a pearly smile that is good enough to melt anybody’s heart. An authentic, honest smile is the embodiment of a healthy and positive mind and body. Moreover, seeing a woman smile will bring around a number of contagious smiles among people present there, making it a happy vibe.


Signs that Indicate you have Married the Right Person

Getting married is a life-changing and wonderful feeling. After all, taking a decision to spend the rest of your life with someone and sharing every aspect of it is a quite big decision.

Shivani Sadhoo says if this one decision goes wrong, both the individuals in the marriage and their respective families are bound to suffer. Thus, choosing the right person is vital to living a happy and content married life.

If you are wondering whether you have married the right person or not, no need to worry. Here are subtle signs shared in this blog by Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo that indicate you have married the right person.

You Simply can be Yourself Around your Partner

When you are around the right person, you feel free to show your true traits – the good, the bad, and the ugly – without any feeling of being awkward about them. Also, you do not feel under any pressure being judged about anything.

Feel Quite Comfortable Whilst Sharing Anything with them

Perhaps something happened in your past that you are not so confident in telling other people or whether you did something terrible that you always regret. Whatever it is, you must be able to tell your partner and know that they will only listen and support you.

You can Visualize yourself Growing Old with that Person

If you two feel and see yourself sharing wine, traveling, and enjoying each other’s company and other aspects of life down the road, do not worry. It shows you have made the right decision.

You Believe that she/he will become a Wonderful Spouse and Parent

If you wish to expand your family, you need to be marrying a person who also loves kids. Even if he is still too conservative to hold a baby, you will know deep down what kind of a parent he/she would be by his/her qualities and character.

You are Loved Unconditionally

In your heart deep inside you know this person loves you no matter what. Even when you mess up, when you say something terrible, or when the person is terribly annoyed with you.

You have Simply Chosen to be with them

In certain cases, people often can get sucked into relationships where they feel stuck. When you are with the right individual, you still remain you and you are making a conscious choice to share your remaining life with your partner.

You have Flourish in a Positive Manner all through your Relationship

When you marry someone, that individual will shape the person you become while you grow together through life. If you are happy with who you are today it is also because of your partner, you will continue to be happy and content with how you continue to evolve.


Small Attributes Happy Couples Have in Common

Happy couples or relationships are not merely about grand gestures or romantic messages. It is a lot more than that, says Shivani Sadhoo.  Happy couples are those who truly love and care for each other. Amidst differences, they support and respect each one’s opinions and that is the hallmark of a true, happy relationship.

When together, such a couple does not need the help of others or superficial materials to keep them entertained. They simply need hearty talk. However, sadly enough, there are several couples who do not realize if they are one of those happy ones. And so, in this blog, Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo lists some attributes that happy couples have in common.

They Have Respect for Each Other

Happy and content couples always respect each other’s views or opinions even if they disagree completely on an issue. They firmly believe that no couple will ever be totally cent percent compatible, so it is necessary to accept each other’s decisions since, at the end of the day, every person is his/her own individual before a relationship.

Interested in Each Other’s Lives

Being keen and interested in what your partner is doing is a healthy sign that you are in a happy relationship. Be it the hobbies, interests, opinions, aspirations showing interest in what a person pursues automatically places their partner in their good books.

Communicate with Each Other

Happy couples never ignore the option of communication out of the door. As vital as any other aspect, communication can assist a couple to understand what they both are thinking or feeling. And without right communication, misunderstandings, arguments, and fights are a surety to grow.

Seeing the Best in their Partners

These couples always see the best in each other as they believe that noticing positive attributes will garner more love in the relationship. Individuals need to know how good they are from their partners in an attempt to feel motivated and happy about themselves. Seeing the negative aspects in each other will only cause the relationship to go haywire.

Happy Even When they are not with Each Other

Couples do not need to be with each other 24/7/365 just to be happy. They can be equally happy and content when spending time with families, friends, or even alone. People in a happy relationship find peace with being content within themselves and then, they go on to share that happiness by being with another individual. Two partners should not be with each other to fill an emotional void.

Non-Motive Based Sex

Happy couples do not necessarily pay attention to sex for pleasure or gratification. It is not their topmost priority in a relationship because they tend to attend to each other’s emotional needs first. Being in a relationship just for the sex is not right as couples are less invested, both emotionally and mentally.

Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxietydepressionsleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Body Language Signs, that Signify a Couple has a Healthy Marriage

Signs of a healthy and happy marriage are pretty much noticeable. Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo says that your actions and body language depict how as a partner you treat each other.

Critical details of your body language can convey the state of your marriage, whether it is a happy or a sad one. Hence, this blog by Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo brings to you some expressions, or rather, certain body language that clearly signifies that a couple has a healthy marriage.

Eye Contact

If you and your partner maintain good eye contact while talking or discussing any issues, then it certainly means that you both prioritize crystal clear and transparent communication. This also indicates that you both are truly listening to each other. If by any means, your partner is ignoring you, then he/she will shift the gaze to something else.

Mirroring

With time, couples unintentionally begin to mirror each other’s actions or habits. You will see yourself unconsciously following your partner’s footsteps. This is due to the fact that you trust and believe in your partner enough, to do those things on your own as well.

Stealing Touches

Little touches or similar gestures indicate a deep sense of love and connectivity between you two. Touching your partner’s face, arms or patting their back can certainly make your partner feel loved and secure. This will increase the intimacy between the couple, enhancing the sense of affection, adoration, and passion.

Leaning in While your Partner is Talking

If your partner is enthusiastically talking about a certain thing which is really passionate, then you will look to lean forward while having an engaging conversation. It means you are truly excited and genuine to know what your partner is talking about.

Open your Palms

If you open your palms while communicating with your partner, it suggests that you are open and comfortable enough, to talk about your vulnerabilities, insecurities, and thoughts. Open palms signify openness and honesty, which is one of the most essential foundations of a relationship. This also indicates you are open to any criticism.

Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxietydepressionsleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


When Love is Just Not Enough: Ways One Allows Relationship to Fade

Relationships perhaps always start with wild, head-over-heels feelings of attraction and devotion. On its own, however, love is simply not enough. Shivani Sadhoo reveals some of the most common barriers between you, your partner, and long-lasting passion.

This blog by Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo highlights the facts when love is simply not enough.

Ah…love! Certainly, a hot and tricky topic says Shivani—and while many agree that good love takes time and effort, one also needs to know that love falls apart when the ball gets dropped in specific ways.

Everyone says we want it; but once they find it, why is it so damn difficult to keep it?

Here are some ways when you or your partner unwittingly ruin your love.

Brush Aside Past Pain

This one is huge. Once a person passes the age of 16, the possibility of experiencing hurt, disappointment, or betrayal is 100%. Not taking the needed time to feel the pain from your past keeps it alive and present in the here and now. One may love the ones you are with, but you also project all over them.

When you have old pain that has not been processed, you carry it into our present relationship. You cannot skim over or positively think your route out of emotional pain, and when you try to stuff your emotions, you will find a method to make your current partner pay for the past sins or wrongdoings of others because pain wants to be processed. Take care of your past so your present can be happy.

Safeguarding yourself Emotionally

Placing one foot out emotionally to safeguard yourself just in case things do not work out is like trying to constantly drive 40 km/hour while tapping your brake every other minute. You are not going to reach anywhere in love by holding back. Sure, respect your own boundaries, but remember falling in love is simply that—freely falling. Too frequently one experience hurts and never actually lets go again. Take your foot from the brake and trust.

Over – Thinking all the Things

Have you heard the phrase “paralysis by analysis”? Over-thinking and over-analyzing someone’s every word, move or intention dampens any chance of intimacy or connection.

Worrying and attempting to figure out someone’s intention vs taking them at face value is a sign of emotionally functioning from the past in an attempt to stay safe in the present. It is hypervigilance at its best and that best exposes out your worst.  Even if your present lover has hurt you in the past, expecting them to hurt you again certainly guarantees they will because you are hypersensitive vs relaxed and present. Remember, you see what you expect to see—remain and live in the now moment.

Stop Making Eye Contact

It is said and believed that “Eyes are the windows to your soul”.

Let’s accept it, life is busy and over time it becomes far too easy to navigate getting out of the house in the morning without even making eye contact with the one you love. It might sound small, but eye contact is intimate. Intimacy in the bedroom begins with intimate contact throughout the day. Look at each other.

Assume you Know your Loved One Completely

Even if you know each other from their birth, spent every single day together, and have talked for hours, there is no method to know everything about another human being. You are all individuals with individual perceptions, thoughts, and emotional experiences.

People change over time, so never assume that you know completely about your partner’s hopes, dreams, aspirations, and desires. Because the reality is, it’s not possible to know everything about one another no matter how long you’ve been living together.

Stop Touching

The two biggest influences on your sex drive come from your skin and your brain. Relationships are hot initially, because you are touching and kissing, as well as talking and questioning each other—constantly. Stimulation of the brain got covered in the above part, so let us move on to touching.

As time passes, several couples get lazy about touching for no specific reason. When you touch the one you love, the hormone oxytocin is produced and presents a huge opportunity for connection. Oxytocin is just like a powerful love tonic. Talking stimulates your brain, while touching stimulates everything else. Touch each other a lot.

Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxietydepressionsleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.



Small Yet Effective Ways to Make your Significant Other Feel Special

For many couples specifically, who have already spent a considerable amount of time in their marriage, it’s pretty easy to take your partner for granted. While the initial flames of young love might have cooled, keep the embers burning with lasting intensity.

Perhaps, life is too busy. It’s quite easy for you or your partner to feel neglected, at the bottom of a long list of priorities. So, the question arises how can you make certain your loved one still knows you love and care for them?

Also, it is not necessary that one has to do something big all the time to make their significant other feel special. Strengthen your relationship in the following small ways as suggested by India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo to make your significant other feel special.

Tell your Significant Other Things You Love About them

Send messages, leave a voicemail and better still tell them face to face. Instead of saying things like ‘I love you (although that is always nice) try saying something truly specific: ‘I love you for being so kind and thoughtful about … for your support when you were standing with me through those times. Look your partner in his/her eyes when you tell them face to face.

Do Something Helpful

Try to make life a bit easier for your partner, jobs he/she generally does. Get quotes for the car insurance, put on the clothes of washing (and dry/iron/ put them in cupboards afterward), sort and tidy that pile of stuff that has been lurking for ages or clean the bathroom or kitchen from top to bottom.

Give your Significant Other a Small Treat

Bring your partner a favorite takeaway coffee and perhaps a pastry too. Leave chocolate on his or her pillow. Buy a single rose (ok so you may have to hunt for a florist for that one) or a special pot plant.

Give them Your Undivided Attention

Make a favorite soup or shake and sit down to drink them together. Ask: ‘what was the finest part of your day today? What was the worst one?’ Simply listen, you don’t have to fix it. Try to be completely present for your partner while you’re talking (ignore your phone, laptop and ignore the ‘to-do list’ crossing your thoughts).

Get Physical

Give your loved one a foot rub or neck massage. Place your arms around him or her and give them a long, lingering hug. Try kissing for about 60 seconds or longer, more than just giving him or her a peck on the cheek. Also, you may try to shake up your sex schedule. You all know that waiting until the end of the night to get intimate mostly means you fall asleep before you get to it.

Try alternative times to get intimate — maybe your lunch hour, on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon when probably the house is empty or kids may be busy somewhere else that may not need your attention or instructions. If evenings are the only available time, make it a priority —try to get into bed earlier.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxietydepressionsleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Reasons, Why Fighting with your Partner is Good for your Relationship

I hate fighting, I hate conflict, I hate being upset because of my partner, I hate all the bad feelings that come up for me while arguing. I hate hearing hurtful things my partner says. As a counselor, these are some of the common issues that a couple’s therapist often has to hear while counseling couples.

In a counseling session it is very common to hear that when one of the partners says, yes, I am conflict avoidant. Several people are, but not everyone. Some individuals actually like fighting. If you like fighting, you may want to stop reading, unless you wish to peer into the experience of people who have a tough time in high-conflict situations.

In fact, John and Julie Gottman say that how often one fights is not a determinant in the success of your marriage, but rather, it is how one fights. Respect is the defining variable. As long as couples respect each one, fighting in and of itself is not a threat to the marital relationship.

If you are afraid of conflict and strong negative emotions, here are some reasons stated by India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo who stresses why it is essential to be able to successfully engage your partner and manage strife.

Here are several reasons why fighting with your partner could be good for your relationship.

It Bolsters the Relationship by Increasing Trust

Constructive fighting that happens within boundaries, or rules, that lets for emotional expression while avoiding abuse, bolsters a relationship. Weathering the storm lets a couple see the clearing skies, and with calm waters approaching, a deeper understanding is visible on the horizon.

Coming through the other aspect of an argument strengthens feelings of trust in the process. Knowing that you can survive makes fighting less threatening. Because it is less threatening you tend to avoid delaying a confrontation and present your concerns earlier to your partner when they are less likely to cause an explosive reaction.

At times arguments erupt like an unforeseen squall on the ocean, blind-siding both the partners. Surviving these surprises enhances resiliency to confrontational situations.

You will Feel Better

Letting off steam and expressing your feelings frees tension, anxiety, and fear. When it happens, you feel “unburdened,” lighter,” “like a weight is off your shoulders.” Not only does this feel better, but it is also a healthier state when anxiety and stress, with accompanying harmful hormones, are dissipated (this does not mean venting or dumping toxic elements on your partner).

Keeping emotions bottled up every time often leads to rigidity of the mind, body and soul.

Your Partner will get to know about your Views, Feelings, and Thoughts

When you are able to completely express yourself, your partner will understand the depth of your feelings about the given subject. If you say, in a quiet and unobtrusive way, “I do not like it when you do this,” if your partner hears you, he/she will think you are mildly irritated about certain little things. If you are able to put some volume and intensity into the communication, they will get that this is essential to you.

Fighting has a way to bring out your worst tendencies. But it can also bring out your best attributes once you work through the tough stuff. In this process, you get to know the good, the bad, and the ugly of yourselves and your partners, and still love them.

Intimacy Enhances

Fighting tells you what is important for your partner, what they do not like, what they desire, where their limitations are, how flexible they are, what hurts or annoys them, and what they need to feel better or loved. Discovering these aspects breed a deeper intimacy and appreciation of the other.

Fighting could be a growth process in which your self-understanding, and understanding of your partner improves.

Also, many times the physical coziness that makes up post fighting cement intimacy. And to think most of you believe fighting is a bad thing to be avoided at all costs.

Your Partner is a Separate Entity

After you become comfortable in a relationship, it is easy to think your partner knows your mood, your needs, and your desires. Some people even think they can, or must, be able to read your minds. Luckily, fighting dashes these delusions in an instant.

When faced with someone who is absolutely upset, and telling you in no uncertain terms that they do not agree with your point of view, belief, or behavior, it becomes quite obvious that they are their own person. Sometimes it is difficult to recognize them at all as new sides of their personality emerge. It could be a scary sight.

Enhances your Character

You are able to increase your patience, care, and love by focusing on what is valuable – that you care for this person and wish them to be happy (without losing sight of your own needs).

Fighting is just like forging steel. Initially, there is no strength or flexibility in the unrefined product. As it is constantly heated, folded, and re-formed – like a well-carved sword– a beautiful piece of art is forged that can sustain the shocks and strains of heavy combat without breaking.

It is Completely Human; you can Stop Try to be Perfect

Fighting showcases that you are human and not some perfect angelic or divine being, or that you have the perfect relationship, or that you are above everything. It displays that sometimes you are in a bad mood, stressed out, or simply plain tired.

It displays wherein your psyche lay unresolved issues, whether they be for control, stemming due to insecurity, power, from feeling helpless, or self-esteem, from not being appreciated or respected. Whatever your problems, you are guaranteed that they will come up in an intimate relationship – that is just how it works. It is hoped that it has been demonstrated that fighting is a useful function for healthy relationships. When done skillfully, a chance for a greater understanding and love for your partner is possible. Talking about it is easy. Doing is harder.

**However, every fight is not healthy for your relationship. You need to observe how frequently fights or arguments take place in your relationship and what are the patterns.  If they are too frequent. Then it is a sign that tells you not to wait for any miracle. It is a time when you should seek professional help from a qualified marriage counselor or a couple’s therapist. ** Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at Saarthi Counselling Services is there to guide and help you if you are experiencing too much of a fight or constraints in your relationship.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxietydepressionsleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Are you in a Loveless Marriage? The Possible Red Flags

Every relationship has some rough patches. Sometimes, rough patches can stretch into weeks, months, even rough years. If you feel you are currently in the middle of a lengthy rough patch and you are not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is a good time to stop and evaluate what you want from your marriage. At what stage do you take a step back and evaluate where you are through an objective lens? Sometimes it takes a lot more than perspective, sometimes you need to look for the red flags.

Here are the possible signs in this blog shared by India’s top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo indicates you could be in a loveless marriage.

Couples Therapist Shivani says, be honest with yourself and do a rigorous inventory of your emotions. Although this exercise is not easy, it is far, far easier than staying in a relationship where you are putting nothing in and getting nothing out.

If you feel like you identify with more than one of them (or many), open a dialogue with your partner, look for a marriage counselor and reach out for additional help.

You Cannot Fill the Silence

If you have started to realize that during dinner, long drives, evenings on the sofa, any time spent together, all go in silence and neither of you makes an effort to fill it with quality conversation – this is the sign of a problem. It is unrealistic to hope for great, easy, flowing dialogues anytime you two spend an hour together, but the complete reverse is not symbolic of a healthy and happy marriage.

You are Preoccupied with Other Issues

A better replacement for looking directly at our own problems is looking directly at other people’s problems. If you are actively looking out for opportunities to tuck into some hot gossip with close friends or family, trying to insert yourself in their problem or their solution, then you have to take a step back and ask yourself why you are devoting so much of your time to these distractions.

Feeling Antsy

If you are experiencing itchiness, simply being in your skin is like wearing too-tight clothes, you might be repressing some emotions. Your subconscious is trying to convey to you something that you are not ready to hear (or to admit for yourself). Feelings of restlessness may be a signal to you that you are overlooking something that needs your attention.

You get Intimate Hardly Once a Month or none at all

Definitely, none of the couples are having the same insanely exciting and toe-curling sex that they did at the beginning of their relationship – but abstaining totally takes your foot off the gas. Sex is a physical expression of the love you pledged to each other in your vows, so if you have put your sex life on the backburner for far too long (even if you are still practicing the other forms of your love like friendship, listening, laughing) this is the time to re-prioritize intimacy.

Everything your Partner do or say gets on Your Nerves

Part of marriage is getting annoyed by your partner; it is literally the price for entry. But it is another thing completely when all the time they make a noise, ask questions, snore in bed or load the dishwasher (improperly), it feels like your skin is rushing. If you notice enough of these annoyances in a row (say, a couple of weeks straight) you could be in danger of entering the red zone.

It does not feel Fun anymore

Relationships include a lot of work – and anyone who has been married for any duration of time can attest – but you work at it because it’s fun. Because you enjoy each other, and the relationship brings light and laughter to your lives. But if the fun has gone, the laughter has died down, and the light is dimming, then what’s the point of all those works?

You are way too Close to have an Emotional Affair

Even if you are not comfortable acting on your feelings (and moving towards a physical affair) you feel very attracted to a person – or people – outside of your relationship. You could be leaning on this person for support, divulging a plenty of intimate details, and deepening the connection you feel with this person. Your partner could not accuse you of any inappropriate behavior, but you know you cannot be honest with yourself about how you feel about this individual. That is a strong sign you need to seriously evaluate your commitment.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxietydepressionsleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Reasons a Tender Touch Cultivates and Leads Towards a Greater Intimacy

There are several ways in a relationship that help in fostering love and care for each other. And one of the smallest yet most powerful ways to show your love and care towards your partner is through a tender or a gentle touch.

Shivani says, there are moments in any relationship be it of a husband or wife or any other relationship, when someone is in a crisis or a stressful phase what sometimes have been learned and observed how unbelievable the power of human touch that could be possible. Let us take an example of a small baby who is unwell and is certainly not able to express his problems clearly, except with a cry.  Always feel assured, the moment his mother touches the baby as the baby not only feels assured but for him it acts as a life-sustaining thing. Often, you have heard the qualities of a “mother’s touch”. This is exactly the same.

The same way a tender touch plays an important role even in a couple’s life. Not necessarily a tender touch does for your marriage, that leads to something towards, more in the bedroom only, but the kind of touch that connects and reassures you as a couple and as a soulmate.

Not only does a tender touch cultivate deeper intimacy; it assists you to communicate with each other on another level. It sustains and boosts your connection. And it is an essential part of a healthy, happy, and content marriage.

India’s leading marriage counselor and couple’s therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares the reason why a tender touch cultivates and leads towards greater intimacy.

Touch Helps you Feel, Secure, Known, Assured, and Loved

Tender touch conveys your love for each other and creates a level of emotional safety that opens the avenues for deeper intimacy. It is this deep kind of emotional security that further leads to more physical desire for one another in the long run. Although every married individual wish to experience a healthy sex life with their spouse, it is crucial to building that foundation.

When you feel valued, you are more likely to show vulnerability to one another. Affectionate touch does not shut you down; rather, it opens you to that intimacy you are craving from one another–on several levels.

To be feel seen, heard, and truly known by your partner is a powerful component in the health of your marriage. Small daily moments and habits that are meaningful build upon each other and lead to something wonderful in your marriages. Use the power of touch to show your spouse that you are watching, listening to, caring, and valuing him or her.

Like a tiny infant baby, touch is essential to your well-being in your marriages; without that daily contact, one cannot thrive.

It Keeps you Connected

A tender touch awakens you and reminds you of why you fell in love in the first place. It is a way to tell each other, “I am for you.” It is a constant reminder that you are not enemies– you are in the same team.

Some ways you can stay connected as a couple with tender touch are:

·       A massage posts a long or tiring day at work

·       Comforting hugs when your partner is down

·       Touching your spouse when you are talking or laughing

·       Holding hands in town

·       Putting an arm around your partner while discussing an issue that bothers him/her

Tender touch is specifically important when you are going through a difficult time in your life or marriage. If you have been experiencing plenty of conflicts, problems with your kids or extended family, health issues, or your professional life, stay connected by making physical contact daily–two to three minutes total, at least. You will be surprised how much you accomplish emotionally by intentionally touching each other every day.

It Conveys Affection Sans any Agenda

Tender touch is not merely meant to lead straight to the bedroom; instead, it is meant to convey affection without any agenda attached. It is meant to be a selfless, supportive and kind act instead of a means to an end.

You touch your spouse because you love them and cherish them; if you merely touch them when you have an agenda, they may start to feel resentful of the fact that you only make physical contact when you desire something.

Practice tender touch without expecting anything for an outcome that is sexual in nature. Be playful and affectionate. Passion is an essential component of any marriage, but it is not the only form of physical affection you and your loved one needs to share.

As an extra bonus, the more physical affection you share without any agenda attached, the more you and your spouse will desire each other in that passionate way. And you will certainly find that you inevitably build anticipation for those private moments later on while you are showing one another true affection.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxietydepressionsleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.