Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Summary

• Marriage thrives on trust, emotional maturity, and mutual respect.
• Comfort, patience, and healthy conflict resolution build lasting relationships.
• Shared values and aligned life goals strengthen a lifelong partnership.

When you start dating someone, it’s only natural to be drawn to qualities that make your heart skip a beat, such as kindness and generosity, a good sense of humour, caring and compassion, and intelligence, to name a few. But you really do not bother so much, as you know that probably your current date may not be your life partner.

Since the future of such a relationship remains uncertain, many people tend to overlook habits, values, or personality traits that may seem insignificant in the excitement of new love. Marriage, however, is a different ball game. It is not about fleeting attraction or romantic highs. It is about choosing someone with whom you will live forever.

Someone who will stand beside you through celebrations, disappointments, setbacks, and milestones. The questions you keep thinking about become more relevant. Is this the right person for me? Do we have things in common? Will we evolve together instead of drifting apart? There are just a few of the many questions that begin to occupy our minds before taking the plunge.

“Marriage material isn’t defined by perfect romance, but by trust, emotional maturity, shared values, and the willingness to choose each other every single day.” – Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor and Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi

What makes a guy or girl suitable for marriage?

If you are still wondering what makes someone perfect for marriage, then read what Shivani Misri Sadhoo, an eminent couples therapist and marriage counsellor for Indian couples.

1. Are You Comfortable Around the Person?

This is perhaps one of the questions that we keep thinking about when we are about to marry someone. Do you genuinely feel comfortable with this person? The person you choose to marry should be someone with whom you never have to perform, explain yourself constantly, or worry about saying the wrong thing. You should be able to laugh freely, sit together in comfortable silence, have honest conversations without fear of being judged, and simply be yourself.

While grand romantic gestures make for beautiful moments, they don’t sustain a marriage; comfort does. You should be able to make happy memories with that person rather than feeling emotionally exhausted. When your prospective life partner accepts the way you are and does not try to change you, you feel respected and valued. This is an incredible feeling in a relationship.

2. Trust Matters

Another important factor that determines whether someone is truly marriage material is ‘trust’. Without it, even the strongest attraction begins to lose its meaning. Trust is the quiet confidence that your partner will stand by you, keep their word, and remain honest even when life becomes difficult. You know that you can rely on your partner and share the deepest secrets with them without thinking twice.

It means not having to second-guess their intentions or constantly seek reassurance. A marriage built on trust allows two people to feel secure, vulnerable, and completely themselves, knowing they are safe in each other’s hands.

3. Emotional Maturity

Emotional Maturity is one of those indispensable qualities to look for in a life partner because marriage demands far more than love: it demands understanding, restraint, and grace. A mature person neither suppresses emotions nor allows them to dictate every reaction.

Such individuals possess the rare ability to empathise, communicate, and grow alongside another person. In the long journey of marriage, this quiet steadiness often proves far more enduring than charm or chemistry.

4. Patience Matters

Patience is perhaps the most underrated virtue in the pursuit of marriage. In a world intoxicated by instant gratification, the temptation to settle for immediate chemistry often eclipses the wisdom of waiting. Yet a life partner is not someone chosen for a season but for a lifetime. Yet a life partner is not someone chosen for a season but for a lifetime.

Patience allows infatuation to yield to insight, revealing character beneath charm, consistency beneath promises, and resilience beneath perfection. The right person is rarely discovered in haste; they are recognised through discernment and quiet observation.

5. Aligned Life Goals

Marriage is not merely the union of two hearts: it is the convergence of two journeys. Love may ignite the spark, but shared aspirations keep the flame alive. So, before saying ‘yes’ to your prospective life partner, it is worth asking whether your ambitions complement each other.

Do you envision a similar future, support one another’s dreams, and find purpose in the same milestones? When two people move in the same direction, they are not just building a marriage; they are creating a life with intention, resilience, and meaning.

6. Conflict Resolution

When you are choosing a life partner, conflict resolution is a trait that is very important. Do not ignore it. Affection may bring two people together, but it is wisdom under pressure that determines whether they stay together. Every marriage will encounter disagreements, unexpected crises, and difficult decisions. The real question is not whether conflict will arise, but whether your partner can handle it with maturity, empathy, and sound judgment.

One needs to remain calm and composed when tackling such difficult situations. The person who can settle matters amicably without getting agitated or angry, and takes the right decisions at the right time, is far more likely to build a marriage that endures than someone who simply excels at romance.

A marriage is less about finding the perfect person and more about choosing someone whose values, character, and commitment align with yours. Love may begin a relationship, but trust, emotional maturity, patience, shared goals, and mutual respect help it to endure. These qualities create the foundation for a partnership that can truly stand the test of time.

Summary

• Long-distance marriages can succeed when both partners prioritise communication, trust, and mutual commitment.
• A clear plan for the future and a consistent emotional connection help couples overcome the challenges of physical separation.
• Seeking professional guidance when difficulties arise can strengthen the relationship and improve long-term marital satisfaction.

Marriage is built on companionship, trust, communication, and shared experiences. While living together allows couples to nurture these aspects naturally, modern careers, education, military service, and family responsibilities often require spouses to live in different cities or even different countries. Long-distance marriages can be emotionally challenging, but distance alone does not determine the success or failure of a relationship.

What truly matters is how couples adapt to the separation, maintain emotional intimacy, and work together toward a common future. With commitment and the right approach, many long-distance marriages not only survive but also thrive, shares Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is one of the most experienced marriage counsellors in Delhi.

Can a Long-Distance Marriage Truly Succeed?

Yes, a long-distance marriage can succeed, provided both partners are equally committed to making the relationship work. Physical distance may limit everyday interactions, but it does not have to weaken emotional connection. Couples who communicate openly, trust each other, and remain transparent about their lives are often able to build a strong foundation despite the miles between them.

Success in a long-distance marriage depends less on geography and more on the willingness of both partners to invest time, effort, and emotional energy into the relationship. Having a shared vision for eventually living together also gives couples hope and direction during periods of separation.

“Distance measures miles, not the strength of a marriage. Commitment is what truly keeps two hearts together.” – Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi

Communication Becomes the Foundation

In any marriage, communication is essential, but in a long-distance relationship, it becomes the primary way partners stay emotionally connected. Regular conversations about daily experiences, plans, personal challenges, and feelings help bridge the physical gap.

Quality matters more than quantity. Meaningful conversations create emotional closeness, while honest discussions about expectations and concerns reduce misunderstandings. Active listening and expressing appreciation for one another also strengthen the relationship over time.

Trust Strengthens Emotional Security

Trust is the pillar that supports every successful long-distance marriage. Without it, even minor delays in communication or changes in routine can create unnecessary anxiety and conflict.

Building trust requires honesty, consistency, and reliability. Keeping promises, being transparent about daily activities, and respecting each other’s independence foster emotional security. When both partners feel trusted and valued, distance becomes much easier to manage.

Managing Loneliness and Emotional Challenges

Periods of loneliness are natural in long-distance marriages. Missing celebrations, family gatherings, or simple everyday moments can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation or frustration.

Acknowledging these emotions instead of ignoring them helps couples cope more effectively. Supporting each other emotionally, planning virtual activities together, and maintaining personal hobbies and friendships can reduce the psychological impact of prolonged separation.

Setting Shared Goals for the Future

One of the biggest reasons long-distance marriages struggle is uncertainty about when the separation will end. Couples who have a clear plan for eventually living together often find it easier to stay motivated during difficult periods.

Discussing career decisions, financial planning, family goals, and relocation timelines gives both partners a sense of purpose. Even if plans need to change, working toward a common future reinforces the feeling that the distance is temporary rather than permanent.

Keeping Romance Alive Across the Distance

Romance does not disappear simply because couples live apart. Small gestures such as surprise messages, handwritten letters, thoughtful gifts, virtual dinner dates, and celebrating milestones together online help maintain emotional intimacy.

Making time for each other despite busy schedules demonstrates commitment and reminds both partners that the relationship remains a priority. These consistent efforts help preserve affection and emotional closeness.

Recognising When Professional Support Can Help

Every marriage faces challenges, and long-distance relationships are no exception. If communication repeatedly breaks down, trust issues become overwhelming, or unresolved conflicts continue to grow, seeking help from a marriage counsellor can be beneficial.

Counselling provides couples with practical strategies for improving communication, managing conflict, and strengthening emotional connection. Seeking support early often prevents small problems from becoming long-term relationship difficulties.

Building a Marriage That Goes Beyond Distance

Distance tests a marriage, but it can also strengthen it. Couples who successfully navigate long-distance relationships often develop exceptional communication skills, deeper trust, and greater appreciation for the time they spend together.

Ultimately, a successful marriage is measured not by physical proximity but by the emotional bond between two people. When love is supported by mutual respect, patience, and commitment, even thousands of miles cannot define the future of a relationship.

Key Summary

• Deep Friendship: Being genuine friends allows couples to communicate freely and authentically, building a comfortable connection that deepens over time.
• Emotional Safety: A strong relationship provides a secure environment where partners don’t have to pretend, hide their feelings, or fear that every disagreement will end in a massive fight.
• Trust and Respect: These qualities eliminate constant doubt. When partners feel heard and accepted for who they are, they can navigate life’s inevitable challenges together as a team.

What do you think is the most important ingredient of a happy relationship? Today, when we read about painful breakups and heartbreaking divorces, we often wonder whether love is the only glue that holds two people together. Is romance the single force that keeps a relationship alive?

According to many therapists and relationship researchers, several couples live a happy life even when the passionate romance of their younger years no longer occupies centre stage. The butterflies may become less frequent, the grand gestures fewer, and the stolen moments of courtship may quietly surrender to grocery lists, parent-teacher meets, family obligations, and mounting responsibilities. Yet, amid all the hustle and bustle, many relationships not only endure but flourish.

This is perhaps because we have always thought that love and romance are the key factors for a happy relationship. Life does not always resemble the final scenes of a romantic film. In fact, life begins where the movie ends. We do not hesitate to celebrate dramatic proposals, candlelit dinners, surprise holidays, and extravagant declarations of affection. Rarely do we celebrate the husband who patiently waits outside the chemotherapy ward or the wife who instinctively remembers every medication her partner needs without ever being asked.

Marriage counsellors often talk about two different kinds of love that shape a relationship over time.

• The first one is passionate love. It is the kind that sweeps you off your feet. It is filled with excitement, longing, butterflies in the stomach, and the thrill of discovering someone new. It makes every conversation feel special and every meeting something to look forward to.

• The second one is Companionate love, a quieter but no less meaningful form of love. It does not arrive with fireworks. Instead, it grows slowly through years of shared experiences, unwavering trust, mutual respect, and the comfort of knowing that someone will stand beside you through life’s highs and lows. It is the kind of love that remains when the excitement of the early years naturally gives way to the rhythms of everyday life.

While passionate love may bring two people together, companionate love is often what helps them stay together. It is this quiet, enduring bond that carries couples through changing careers, financial challenges, raising children, caring for ageing parents, illness, and all the unexpected twists that life inevitably brings.

Is Romantic Love Enough to Keep a Relationship Happy?

Romantic love is often seen as the foundation of a successful relationship, but therapists believe it is only one part of a much bigger picture. While the excitement, passion, and emotional intensity of the early years can strengthen the bond between two people, these feelings naturally evolve.

As couples navigate careers, family responsibilities, financial commitments, and life’s unexpected challenges, the relationship begins to rely on qualities that go beyond romance. Emotional security, mutual trust, respect, companionship, and the ability to support one another through changing circumstances often become the true pillars of a lasting partnership.

Rather than asking whether romance fades, a more meaningful question is whether the relationship continues to provide comfort, understanding, and a sense of belonging. According to marriage therapists, these enduring qualities are what help many couples remain genuinely happy even when romantic gestures become less frequent.

Let’s find out from eminent couples and marriage counsellor in Delhi, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, if Couples Can Be Happy Without Romantic Love.

1. Friendship Is Important

Friendship is often the quiet strength that keeps a relationship happy. When couples are friends first, they try to get to know each other in a comfortable space and can talk freely about anything and everything. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Romantic love may fade over the years. But friendship has a way of growing deeper. It brings comfort, understanding, and a sense of home, making a relationship happier and far more enduring.

2. Safety and Security Matters

Love is not the sole reason for happiness in a relationship. When couples feel safe with each other, the relationship automatically grows stronger. One does not need to hide their feelings, or pretend to be someone they are not, or worry that every disagreement will turn into a fight. Simple moments like sharing a meal, asking about how the day went, or ending the day with a walk in the park help build that sense of safety. Over time, it is this feeling of being accepted and understood that keeps a relationship strong.

3. Mutual Trust and Respect

A relationship does not last only because of love. Something that keeps it strong and survives life’s ups and downs is the trust and confidence two people have in each other. When there is trust, there is no constant doubt or insecurity. And when there is respect, both partners feel heard, valued, and accepted for who they are. Even when romance fades with time or disagreements arise, trust and respect create a sense of emotional safety that helps couples stay connected, solve problems together, and build a happy life side by side.

4. Sweet memories

 Yes, those sweet memories that a couple creates over the years often become the heart of their relationship. They may smile while remembering their first holiday together, laugh over a silly mistake, or cherish moments spent raising children, celebrating milestones, or simply sharing everyday life. These memories remind them of the journey they have travelled side by side. When romantic feelings are less intense, looking back on these moments rekindles warmth, gratitude, and companionship. Sometimes, it is these treasured memories, more than love itself, that keep a relationship happy and enduring.

5. A Good Company

Some of the happiest couples will tell you that what keeps a relationship alive isn’t grand declarations of love but genuinely enjoying each other’s company. When two people laugh together, talk without effort, share everyday moments, and feel comfortable simply being themselves, they create a friendship that carries them through life’s ups and downs. Love may bring two people together, but good companionship gives them a reason to stay. It makes ordinary days meaningful, reduces loneliness, and helps a relationship remain warm, steady, and fulfilling even when romance naturally becomes less intense.

A happy relationship is rarely built on romance alone. While passionate love may change with time, friendship, trust, emotional safety, mutual respect, shared memories, and simply enjoying each other’s company often become the real pillars of a lasting bond. Love may light the spark, but it is these everyday connections that help couples build a relationship that feels secure, meaningful, and deeply fulfilling.

“Romance may bring two people together, but trust, friendship, emotional safety, and companionship are what help them build a relationship that lasts a lifetime.” — Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi

Key Summary

• Emotional drift despite physical closeness: Parallel Life Syndrome occurs when couples live together but lose emotional connection, functioning more like roommates than partners.
• Root causes are subtle and cumulative: Avoiding conflict, stress, attachment differences, and taking love for granted gradually creates distance without obvious warning signs.
• Connection can be rebuilt intentionally: Open communication, vulnerability, shared quality time, and appreciation are simple yet powerful ways to restore intimacy and togetherness.

Life does not always unfold the way we imagine. When you are in love, you want to hold on to every passing second with your partner. Even the smallest things begin to matter. A delayed reply can feel heavy, a missed call can linger in your mind, and a slight change in tone can quietly disturb your peace. You start noticing the silences between moments just as much as the moments themselves. Over time, however, something subtle begins to shift.

The intensity softens, the butterflies lose their urgency, and what once felt electric settles into something calmer, more predictable. This transition towards comfort is not inherently unfortunate. Stability has its own quiet charm. Yet, when that comfort turns into a habit, and that habit begins to replace emotional closeness, something important starts to slip away.

Partners may still share the same space, the same routines, even the same bed, but emotionally they drift apart. This peculiar state of togetherness without true connection is often described as Parallel Life Syndrome. Let’s find out more about this syndrome from Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is an experienced relationship and couples therapist in Delhi.

What is Parallel Life Syndrome?

It is a relationship where two people live alongside each other but no longer truly connect. They live under the same roof, share the same bed, but each in their own mental world. There is no ‘we’ moment here. Yet their lives have quietly drifted apart. Daily routines rarely overlap, conversations feel minimal or absent, and emotional closeness fades into the background. Over time, they begin to function more like roommates than partners, moving through the same space without really sharing a life.

“Parallel Life Syndrome does not arrive with conflict or chaos; it settles in quietly through routine, silence, and emotional neglect. Two people may share the same home, the same bed, and the same life on the surface, yet feel entirely alone within it. Over time, unspoken words, daily stress, and taken-for-granted moments build invisible walls that separate hearts. However, this distance is not irreversible. With conscious effort, honest conversations, shared moments, and genuine appreciation, couples can gently dismantle those walls and rediscover the connection that once brought them together.” – Shivani Misr Sadhoo, a certified Gottman therapist and one of the experienced marriage counsellors in Delhi and across India.

Avoiding Emotion and Conflict

One of the most common causes of parallel life syndrome is the fact that couples avoid their emotions and difficult conversations. They choose silence over possible conflict. So, they prefer to scroll on their phones to escape honest conversation, which might lead to complicated conflicts. However, over time, those unspoken words begin to build a wall between two people, creating a distance. What starts as protecting the relationship slowly turns into emotional disconnection, where both partners share space but lack real connection.

Too Much Stress

Sometimes the work pressure feels too heavy to handle. Couples feel mentally exhausted after a long day at work. All they want to do is go back home and rest. Thus, instead of sharing a few happy moments together, they prefer not to discuss or share anything with each other. This naturally causes the partners to drift away from each other. They simply live in the same house, under the same roof, but they remain disconnected emotionally. Over time, this unspoken distance grows, creating a parallel life where intimacy fades, and companionship feels more like coexistence.

Influence of Attachment Style

Attachment style often shapes how distance quietly grows between two people. One partner may withdraw without meaning harm. They simply need space. The other feels it as rejection. So, they stop trying. Conversations shrink. Days become routines. Work stress adds to it. Late nights and tired minds leave no room for repair. Small gaps turn into habits. Over time, both adjust to the silence. They function side by side, not together. That is how a shared life slowly becomes two parallel ones over the years.

Love Taken for Granted

Sometimes people take their relationship for granted. You feel everything is alright, so you can focus on your work, social obligations, and put your romance on the back burner, thinking your partner will understand. But this is where it slowly drifts. You stop checking in. You stop noticing small changes. Conversations become routine. Days run parallel, not shared. Over time, both of you build separate worlds. This quiet distance grows. That is how parallel life syndrome begins, without noise, without warning, just silence in between spaces.

What Can You Do?

Once you have understood the causes, the next step is to find remedies, tips to handle the parallel life syndrome.

Open your heart

What we show is often just a layer we learned to survive with. When we choose vulnerability, we slowly drop that shield and allow real connection. Parallel life syndrome thrives when we keep parts of ourselves hidden and separate. Being open breaks that pattern. It brings our inner and outer worlds closer together. People respond to honesty. We feel seen and understood. That reduces the need to live divided. It feels lighter and more whole inside. It helps us stop pretending and start living honestly.

Spend Quality Time with Each Other

It is not always about grand plans or perfect dates; saving small things to do together can quietly bring two people back from living parallel lives. When time is a constraint, these shared moments become extra special. It could be a simple evening stroll at the park, a late-night coffee date, a simple meal at home, or even reading a book together. They rebuild connections. They remind you why you chose each other, even in the rush of everyday life, which gently restores lost closeness.

Communication Matters

Communication is and will always be the cornerstone of a strong relationship. This is what brings two people back when they start living side by side but not together. It gives the couple a golden opportunity to listen to each other and clarify doubts. Candid conversations help couples discuss their problems openly.

Art of Appreciation

Gratitude reminds us to notice the little things partners do every day. When we say “thank you,” even for small efforts, it shows that we care about each other’s feelings. It wipes away the distance that grows in parallel lives. It brings back a sense of closeness. We start feeling the connection once again.

It is indeed sad how, without even realising it, two people start living side by side but feel miles apart. It happens in silence, through routine and missed conversations. But small, genuine efforts like talking openly, spending time together, and appreciating each other can slowly bring back the warmth and connection that once felt natural.