Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Summary

• Banksying involves suddenly ending a seemingly healthy relationship without warning.
• Lack of communication often leaves the other partner confused and emotionally distressed.
• Honesty and respectful communication remain the foundation of healthy relationships.

Modern dating has introduced a growing list of relationship trends, from ghosting and breadcrumbing to love bombing and orbiting. Among these emerging terms is Banksying, a subtle yet emotionally confusing behaviour that has gained attention on social media and in relationship discussions.

Named after the anonymous street artist Banksy, who is known for creating artwork and disappearing without warning, Banksying describes a situation where someone appears deeply invested in a relationship, only to vanish without explanation.

Unlike ordinary breakups, Banksying often leaves the other person shocked because everything seemed to be going well until the unexpected disappearance. Understanding this trend can help individuals recognise unhealthy relationship patterns and respond in healthier ways, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, an eminent marriage counsellor in Delhi and India.

What Is Banksying in Relationships?

Banksying refers to ending a relationship or disappearing from someone’s life without any warning, despite previously showing affection, commitment, and genuine interest. The relationship may appear stable, communication may seem normal, and future plans may even have been discussed. Then, without explanation, one partner suddenly cuts off contact or ends the relationship.

This behaviour differs from traditional ghosting because there are usually no obvious warning signs beforehand. The sudden shift leaves the other partner searching for answers, questioning what went wrong, and often blaming themselves for something they may not have done.

“Closure may not erase heartbreak, but honesty always hurts less than unanswered silence.” – Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi

Why Do People Engage in Banksying?

People may resort to Banksying for various emotional and psychological reasons. Some individuals struggle with confrontation and prefer avoiding uncomfortable conversations rather than openly discussing their feelings. Others may fear emotional vulnerability or simply lack the maturity to communicate honestly when their feelings change.

In some cases, unrealistic expectations about relationships or the constant availability of new dating opportunities through apps can make people more likely to leave without providing closure. While the reasons vary, the outcome often creates unnecessary emotional pain for the person left behind.

The Emotional Impact on the Other Partner

Banksying can be particularly distressing because it removes the opportunity for closure. When a relationship appears healthy one day and ends abruptly the next, the affected person is often left replaying conversations, searching for mistakes, and wondering what caused the sudden change.

This uncertainty may lead to anxiety, self-doubt, sadness, and difficulty trusting future partners. Without clear communication, many people create their own explanations, which are often far more damaging than the reality itself.

Recognising the Warning Signs

Although Banksying is known for its sudden nature, some subtle changes may appear beforehand. A partner may become emotionally distant, avoid meaningful conversations, reduce future planning, or gradually become less available despite maintaining a pleasant attitude.

These changes do not always indicate Banksying, but consistent emotional withdrawal combined with avoidance of important discussions can suggest that something has changed within the relationship.

Building Relationships Through Honest Communication

Healthy relationships rely on openness, respect, and emotional honesty. Even when feelings change, discussing concerns openly allows both partners to understand the situation and move forward with dignity.

Honest communication may be uncomfortable, but it prevents unnecessary confusion and emotional harm. Expressing thoughts clearly, listening respectfully, and ending relationships with compassion demonstrate emotional maturity and strengthen trust in future relationships.

Moving Forward After Experiencing Banksying

Being unexpectedly abandoned can feel deeply personal, but it is important to remember that another person’s inability to communicate honestly does not define your worth. Healing begins by accepting that not every question will receive an answer.

Focusing on supportive relationships, practising self-care, rebuilding confidence, and allowing time for emotional recovery can help individuals move forward. Many people emerge from such experiences with greater emotional awareness and a clearer understanding of the qualities they value in future partners.

Creating Healthier Dating Experiences

As dating trends continue to evolve, emotional responsibility remains timeless. Whether a relationship lasts a few weeks or many years, treating others with honesty, empathy, and respect creates healthier connections for everyone involved.

Ending a relationship respectfully may not eliminate pain, but it offers something equally valuable—closure. In an age where disappearing has become easier than communicating, choosing honesty remains one of the strongest signs of emotional maturity

Key Summary

• Deep Friendship: Being genuine friends allows couples to communicate freely and authentically, building a comfortable connection that deepens over time.
• Emotional Safety: A strong relationship provides a secure environment where partners don’t have to pretend, hide their feelings, or fear that every disagreement will end in a massive fight.
• Trust and Respect: These qualities eliminate constant doubt. When partners feel heard and accepted for who they are, they can navigate life’s inevitable challenges together as a team.

What do you think is the most important ingredient of a happy relationship? Today, when we read about painful breakups and heartbreaking divorces, we often wonder whether love is the only glue that holds two people together. Is romance the single force that keeps a relationship alive?

According to many therapists and relationship researchers, several couples live a happy life even when the passionate romance of their younger years no longer occupies centre stage. The butterflies may become less frequent, the grand gestures fewer, and the stolen moments of courtship may quietly surrender to grocery lists, parent-teacher meets, family obligations, and mounting responsibilities. Yet, amid all the hustle and bustle, many relationships not only endure but flourish.

This is perhaps because we have always thought that love and romance are the key factors for a happy relationship. Life does not always resemble the final scenes of a romantic film. In fact, life begins where the movie ends. We do not hesitate to celebrate dramatic proposals, candlelit dinners, surprise holidays, and extravagant declarations of affection. Rarely do we celebrate the husband who patiently waits outside the chemotherapy ward or the wife who instinctively remembers every medication her partner needs without ever being asked.

Marriage counsellors often talk about two different kinds of love that shape a relationship over time.

• The first one is passionate love. It is the kind that sweeps you off your feet. It is filled with excitement, longing, butterflies in the stomach, and the thrill of discovering someone new. It makes every conversation feel special and every meeting something to look forward to.

• The second one is Companionate love, a quieter but no less meaningful form of love. It does not arrive with fireworks. Instead, it grows slowly through years of shared experiences, unwavering trust, mutual respect, and the comfort of knowing that someone will stand beside you through life’s highs and lows. It is the kind of love that remains when the excitement of the early years naturally gives way to the rhythms of everyday life.

While passionate love may bring two people together, companionate love is often what helps them stay together. It is this quiet, enduring bond that carries couples through changing careers, financial challenges, raising children, caring for ageing parents, illness, and all the unexpected twists that life inevitably brings.

Is Romantic Love Enough to Keep a Relationship Happy?

Romantic love is often seen as the foundation of a successful relationship, but therapists believe it is only one part of a much bigger picture. While the excitement, passion, and emotional intensity of the early years can strengthen the bond between two people, these feelings naturally evolve.

As couples navigate careers, family responsibilities, financial commitments, and life’s unexpected challenges, the relationship begins to rely on qualities that go beyond romance. Emotional security, mutual trust, respect, companionship, and the ability to support one another through changing circumstances often become the true pillars of a lasting partnership.

Rather than asking whether romance fades, a more meaningful question is whether the relationship continues to provide comfort, understanding, and a sense of belonging. According to marriage therapists, these enduring qualities are what help many couples remain genuinely happy even when romantic gestures become less frequent.

Let’s find out from eminent couples and marriage counsellor in Delhi, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, if Couples Can Be Happy Without Romantic Love.

1. Friendship Is Important

Friendship is often the quiet strength that keeps a relationship happy. When couples are friends first, they try to get to know each other in a comfortable space and can talk freely about anything and everything. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Romantic love may fade over the years. But friendship has a way of growing deeper. It brings comfort, understanding, and a sense of home, making a relationship happier and far more enduring.

2. Safety and Security Matters

Love is not the sole reason for happiness in a relationship. When couples feel safe with each other, the relationship automatically grows stronger. One does not need to hide their feelings, or pretend to be someone they are not, or worry that every disagreement will turn into a fight. Simple moments like sharing a meal, asking about how the day went, or ending the day with a walk in the park help build that sense of safety. Over time, it is this feeling of being accepted and understood that keeps a relationship strong.

3. Mutual Trust and Respect

A relationship does not last only because of love. Something that keeps it strong and survives life’s ups and downs is the trust and confidence two people have in each other. When there is trust, there is no constant doubt or insecurity. And when there is respect, both partners feel heard, valued, and accepted for who they are. Even when romance fades with time or disagreements arise, trust and respect create a sense of emotional safety that helps couples stay connected, solve problems together, and build a happy life side by side.

4. Sweet memories

 Yes, those sweet memories that a couple creates over the years often become the heart of their relationship. They may smile while remembering their first holiday together, laugh over a silly mistake, or cherish moments spent raising children, celebrating milestones, or simply sharing everyday life. These memories remind them of the journey they have travelled side by side. When romantic feelings are less intense, looking back on these moments rekindles warmth, gratitude, and companionship. Sometimes, it is these treasured memories, more than love itself, that keep a relationship happy and enduring.

5. A Good Company

Some of the happiest couples will tell you that what keeps a relationship alive isn’t grand declarations of love but genuinely enjoying each other’s company. When two people laugh together, talk without effort, share everyday moments, and feel comfortable simply being themselves, they create a friendship that carries them through life’s ups and downs. Love may bring two people together, but good companionship gives them a reason to stay. It makes ordinary days meaningful, reduces loneliness, and helps a relationship remain warm, steady, and fulfilling even when romance naturally becomes less intense.

A happy relationship is rarely built on romance alone. While passionate love may change with time, friendship, trust, emotional safety, mutual respect, shared memories, and simply enjoying each other’s company often become the real pillars of a lasting bond. Love may light the spark, but it is these everyday connections that help couples build a relationship that feels secure, meaningful, and deeply fulfilling.

“Romance may bring two people together, but trust, friendship, emotional safety, and companionship are what help them build a relationship that lasts a lifetime.” — Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi

Summary

• Floodlighting means sharing deeply personal information too early in a relationship.
• Oversharing can create false intimacy and overwhelm the other person.
• Healthy relationships develop through gradual trust, mutual vulnerability, and time.

“I don’t know why, but I simply felt comfortable talking to you.”

This must be a familiar sentence for many people, right after a first or second date. Sometimes, it feels flattering. After all, emotional openness is the foundation of a healthy relationship. While some people are naturally guarded and prefer not to reveal too much about themselves in the early stages of dating, others are complete open books. Before they even realise it, they have shared intimate details about childhood trauma, painful breakups, family conflicts, financial struggles, or other personal information with someone they barely know.

This behaviour of disclosing too much, too soon has a name in today’s dating world. It is called Floodlighting. It seems there is no end to the ever-growing dictionary of modern dating terms. From ghosting and situationship to love bombing and orbiting, new terms continue to emerge as relationships evolve in the digital era.

Eminent relationship and couples counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about Floodlighting, the new relationship trend that is trending nowadays.

What does the term “floodlighting” mean?

In the early stages of dating, opening up to someone is a natural part of building a connection. But, when a person starts revealing intensely personal experiences, emotional wounds, or other extremely private details long before trust has had a chance to develop, it is called Floodlighting.

While it may appear to be an act of honesty or vulnerability, it often stems from a subconscious need or vulnerability, it often stems from a subconscious need to fast-track emotional proximity or seek reassurance. Ironically, this kind of premature oversharing can create the opposite effect.

Instead of strengthening the bond, it can overwhelm the other person and become a way of keeping genuine intimacy at arm’s length. In many cases, floodlighting is less about being truly emotionally open and more about using vulnerability as a shield before a relationship has had the time to grow naturally.

“Floodlighting may create the feeling of instant closeness, but genuine intimacy is built through trust, not premature vulnerability.” – Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi.

Tell-tale Signs of Floodlighting

1. Sharing Too Much

One of the telltale signs of floodlighting is oversharing. They do not hesitate to talk about their past experiences, some of which have been quite traumatic to someone whom they barely know. What begins as a casual conversation about hobbies or travel can suddenly turn into a detailed account of losing a loved one, a painful custody battle, years of struggling with low self-esteem, a painful custody battle, or the heartbreak of being cheated on in a previous relationship.

While this openness often comes from a sincere desire to build a meaningful connection, sharing such deeply personal experiences too soon can leave the other person feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Healthy intimacy develops step by step, as trust grows naturally over time.

2. You Expect Instant Emotional Reciprocity

Another common sign of floodlighting is expecting instant emotional reciprocity. After disclosing deeply personal experiences, you may unconsciously hope that your date will respond by sharing their own deeply personal experiences.

But, much to your disappointment, your date may not want to share such similar experiences with you. When one person shares too much too soon, it can create pressure, discomfort, and even a misleading sense of intimacy before genuine trust has had the chance to develop.

3. The Intimacy Illusion

When someone opens up about their deepest fears, past wounds, or personal struggles too early, it can create the illusion of a bond that is stronger than it really is. That emotional intensity often makes both people feel unusually close in a short span of time, even though genuine trust and intimacy usually develop gradually through shared experiences, consistency, and time.

Why do People Floodlight?

1. Acceptance Before Trust

At its heart, floodlighting is often driven by the fear of being rejected later. Some people feel that if they reveal everything about themselves right away, they’ll know whether the relationship has a future. But meaningful connections aren’t built through emotional speed. They grow through shared experiences, mutual trust, and the comfort of opening up a little more with time.

2. Beyond First Impressions

For many, sharing deeply personal stories early on feels like the quickest way to build a strong connection. But emotional closeness doesn’t happen simply because two people reveal their vulnerabilities. It grows slowly, through trust, consistency and getting to know each other over time. In the excitement of a new relationship, it’s easy to believe you’ve found someone completely safe, only to realise later that you opened your heart before the relationship had a chance to prove itself.

3. Vulnerability as Control

For some, opening up too quickly isn’t just about honesty—it’s also a way of feeling safer. By laying their deepest fears, past hurts or personal struggles on the table right away, they believe they’re staying one step ahead of possible rejection.

It’s almost as if they’re saying, “I’d rather tell you everything myself than have you find out later and judge me for it.” Strangely, what looks like vulnerability is often an attempt to stay in control of the relationship and shield themselves from emotional pain.

The Risks Involved

• Creates a false sense of intimacy before genuine trust has had time to develop.
• Can overwhelm the other person, making them feel emotionally burdened or suffocated.
• May pressure the other person to share personal details before they are ready.
• Increases the likelihood of disappointment when the initial emotional intensity fades.
• Can trigger anxiety and insecurity if the expected level of closeness is not reciprocated.
• Leaves the person oversharing more vulnerable to manipulation or exploitation by someone with unhealthy intentions.
• May create an unhealthy relationship dynamic where one partner becomes the constant emotional caregiver and the other is seen as emotionally dependent.
• Can make the relationship feel unbalanced, with emotional investment developing at different speeds for each person.
• May lead the other person to withdraw or pull away instead of feeling closer.
• Can prevent a relationship from developing naturally, as emotional vulnerability is rushed rather than built gradually through mutual trust and shared experiences.

There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable. In fact, it is what brings two people closer. But like trust, vulnerability needs time. You don’t have to tell your whole story in the first few dates. Let people earn your trust, and let the relationship grow at its own pace. That’s how lasting connections are built.