Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Summary

• Banksying involves suddenly ending a seemingly healthy relationship without warning.
• Lack of communication often leaves the other partner confused and emotionally distressed.
• Honesty and respectful communication remain the foundation of healthy relationships.

Modern dating has introduced a growing list of relationship trends, from ghosting and breadcrumbing to love bombing and orbiting. Among these emerging terms is Banksying, a subtle yet emotionally confusing behaviour that has gained attention on social media and in relationship discussions.

Named after the anonymous street artist Banksy, who is known for creating artwork and disappearing without warning, Banksying describes a situation where someone appears deeply invested in a relationship, only to vanish without explanation.

Unlike ordinary breakups, Banksying often leaves the other person shocked because everything seemed to be going well until the unexpected disappearance. Understanding this trend can help individuals recognise unhealthy relationship patterns and respond in healthier ways, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, an eminent marriage counsellor in Delhi and India.

What Is Banksying in Relationships?

Banksying refers to ending a relationship or disappearing from someone’s life without any warning, despite previously showing affection, commitment, and genuine interest. The relationship may appear stable, communication may seem normal, and future plans may even have been discussed. Then, without explanation, one partner suddenly cuts off contact or ends the relationship.

This behaviour differs from traditional ghosting because there are usually no obvious warning signs beforehand. The sudden shift leaves the other partner searching for answers, questioning what went wrong, and often blaming themselves for something they may not have done.

“Closure may not erase heartbreak, but honesty always hurts less than unanswered silence.” – Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi

Why Do People Engage in Banksying?

People may resort to Banksying for various emotional and psychological reasons. Some individuals struggle with confrontation and prefer avoiding uncomfortable conversations rather than openly discussing their feelings. Others may fear emotional vulnerability or simply lack the maturity to communicate honestly when their feelings change.

In some cases, unrealistic expectations about relationships or the constant availability of new dating opportunities through apps can make people more likely to leave without providing closure. While the reasons vary, the outcome often creates unnecessary emotional pain for the person left behind.

The Emotional Impact on the Other Partner

Banksying can be particularly distressing because it removes the opportunity for closure. When a relationship appears healthy one day and ends abruptly the next, the affected person is often left replaying conversations, searching for mistakes, and wondering what caused the sudden change.

This uncertainty may lead to anxiety, self-doubt, sadness, and difficulty trusting future partners. Without clear communication, many people create their own explanations, which are often far more damaging than the reality itself.

Recognising the Warning Signs

Although Banksying is known for its sudden nature, some subtle changes may appear beforehand. A partner may become emotionally distant, avoid meaningful conversations, reduce future planning, or gradually become less available despite maintaining a pleasant attitude.

These changes do not always indicate Banksying, but consistent emotional withdrawal combined with avoidance of important discussions can suggest that something has changed within the relationship.

Building Relationships Through Honest Communication

Healthy relationships rely on openness, respect, and emotional honesty. Even when feelings change, discussing concerns openly allows both partners to understand the situation and move forward with dignity.

Honest communication may be uncomfortable, but it prevents unnecessary confusion and emotional harm. Expressing thoughts clearly, listening respectfully, and ending relationships with compassion demonstrate emotional maturity and strengthen trust in future relationships.

Moving Forward After Experiencing Banksying

Being unexpectedly abandoned can feel deeply personal, but it is important to remember that another person’s inability to communicate honestly does not define your worth. Healing begins by accepting that not every question will receive an answer.

Focusing on supportive relationships, practising self-care, rebuilding confidence, and allowing time for emotional recovery can help individuals move forward. Many people emerge from such experiences with greater emotional awareness and a clearer understanding of the qualities they value in future partners.

Creating Healthier Dating Experiences

As dating trends continue to evolve, emotional responsibility remains timeless. Whether a relationship lasts a few weeks or many years, treating others with honesty, empathy, and respect creates healthier connections for everyone involved.

Ending a relationship respectfully may not eliminate pain, but it offers something equally valuable—closure. In an age where disappearing has become easier than communicating, choosing honesty remains one of the strongest signs of emotional maturity

Summary

• Floodlighting means sharing deeply personal information too early in a relationship.
• Oversharing can create false intimacy and overwhelm the other person.
• Healthy relationships develop through gradual trust, mutual vulnerability, and time.

“I don’t know why, but I simply felt comfortable talking to you.”

This must be a familiar sentence for many people, right after a first or second date. Sometimes, it feels flattering. After all, emotional openness is the foundation of a healthy relationship. While some people are naturally guarded and prefer not to reveal too much about themselves in the early stages of dating, others are complete open books. Before they even realise it, they have shared intimate details about childhood trauma, painful breakups, family conflicts, financial struggles, or other personal information with someone they barely know.

This behaviour of disclosing too much, too soon has a name in today’s dating world. It is called Floodlighting. It seems there is no end to the ever-growing dictionary of modern dating terms. From ghosting and situationship to love bombing and orbiting, new terms continue to emerge as relationships evolve in the digital era.

Eminent relationship and couples counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about Floodlighting, the new relationship trend that is trending nowadays.

What does the term “floodlighting” mean?

In the early stages of dating, opening up to someone is a natural part of building a connection. But, when a person starts revealing intensely personal experiences, emotional wounds, or other extremely private details long before trust has had a chance to develop, it is called Floodlighting.

While it may appear to be an act of honesty or vulnerability, it often stems from a subconscious need or vulnerability, it often stems from a subconscious need to fast-track emotional proximity or seek reassurance. Ironically, this kind of premature oversharing can create the opposite effect.

Instead of strengthening the bond, it can overwhelm the other person and become a way of keeping genuine intimacy at arm’s length. In many cases, floodlighting is less about being truly emotionally open and more about using vulnerability as a shield before a relationship has had the time to grow naturally.

“Floodlighting may create the feeling of instant closeness, but genuine intimacy is built through trust, not premature vulnerability.” – Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital, Lajpat Nagar, Delhi.

Tell-tale Signs of Floodlighting

1. Sharing Too Much

One of the telltale signs of floodlighting is oversharing. They do not hesitate to talk about their past experiences, some of which have been quite traumatic to someone whom they barely know. What begins as a casual conversation about hobbies or travel can suddenly turn into a detailed account of losing a loved one, a painful custody battle, years of struggling with low self-esteem, a painful custody battle, or the heartbreak of being cheated on in a previous relationship.

While this openness often comes from a sincere desire to build a meaningful connection, sharing such deeply personal experiences too soon can leave the other person feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Healthy intimacy develops step by step, as trust grows naturally over time.

2. You Expect Instant Emotional Reciprocity

Another common sign of floodlighting is expecting instant emotional reciprocity. After disclosing deeply personal experiences, you may unconsciously hope that your date will respond by sharing their own deeply personal experiences.

But, much to your disappointment, your date may not want to share such similar experiences with you. When one person shares too much too soon, it can create pressure, discomfort, and even a misleading sense of intimacy before genuine trust has had the chance to develop.

3. The Intimacy Illusion

When someone opens up about their deepest fears, past wounds, or personal struggles too early, it can create the illusion of a bond that is stronger than it really is. That emotional intensity often makes both people feel unusually close in a short span of time, even though genuine trust and intimacy usually develop gradually through shared experiences, consistency, and time.

Why do People Floodlight?

1. Acceptance Before Trust

At its heart, floodlighting is often driven by the fear of being rejected later. Some people feel that if they reveal everything about themselves right away, they’ll know whether the relationship has a future. But meaningful connections aren’t built through emotional speed. They grow through shared experiences, mutual trust, and the comfort of opening up a little more with time.

2. Beyond First Impressions

For many, sharing deeply personal stories early on feels like the quickest way to build a strong connection. But emotional closeness doesn’t happen simply because two people reveal their vulnerabilities. It grows slowly, through trust, consistency and getting to know each other over time. In the excitement of a new relationship, it’s easy to believe you’ve found someone completely safe, only to realise later that you opened your heart before the relationship had a chance to prove itself.

3. Vulnerability as Control

For some, opening up too quickly isn’t just about honesty—it’s also a way of feeling safer. By laying their deepest fears, past hurts or personal struggles on the table right away, they believe they’re staying one step ahead of possible rejection.

It’s almost as if they’re saying, “I’d rather tell you everything myself than have you find out later and judge me for it.” Strangely, what looks like vulnerability is often an attempt to stay in control of the relationship and shield themselves from emotional pain.

The Risks Involved

• Creates a false sense of intimacy before genuine trust has had time to develop.
• Can overwhelm the other person, making them feel emotionally burdened or suffocated.
• May pressure the other person to share personal details before they are ready.
• Increases the likelihood of disappointment when the initial emotional intensity fades.
• Can trigger anxiety and insecurity if the expected level of closeness is not reciprocated.
• Leaves the person oversharing more vulnerable to manipulation or exploitation by someone with unhealthy intentions.
• May create an unhealthy relationship dynamic where one partner becomes the constant emotional caregiver and the other is seen as emotionally dependent.
• Can make the relationship feel unbalanced, with emotional investment developing at different speeds for each person.
• May lead the other person to withdraw or pull away instead of feeling closer.
• Can prevent a relationship from developing naturally, as emotional vulnerability is rushed rather than built gradually through mutual trust and shared experiences.

There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable. In fact, it is what brings two people closer. But like trust, vulnerability needs time. You don’t have to tell your whole story in the first few dates. Let people earn your trust, and let the relationship grow at its own pace. That’s how lasting connections are built.

Summary

• Genuine interest often shows through consistent attention and effort.
• Small actions, body language, and curiosity can reveal attraction.
• Clear communication is often the best way to remove doubt.

Written by Shivani Misri Sadhoo | 17+ Years Experience Certified EFT, CBT, DBT Therapist | Gottman Recommended Indian Marriage Counsellor | Clinical Psychologist at IBS Hospital

Having a crush can be exciting, confusing, and sometimes emotionally overwhelming. One moment, their smile feels meaningful, and the next, you wonder if you are reading too much into things. Attraction often shows up in subtle ways, but understanding the difference between friendliness and genuine romantic interest can save you from mixed signals and unnecessary overthinking. Learning to notice the right signs can help you approach dating with more confidence and clarity, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, who is an experienced couples therapist in Delhi.

Are They Just Being Nice… or Do They Actually Like You?

This is one of the biggest questions people ask when they develop feelings for someone. While no single sign guarantees attraction, consistent behaviour, emotional attention, and genuine effort often reveal much more than words.

“Sometimes attraction is not hidden in grand gestures or perfectly chosen words—it reveals itself in the little things. In the extra seconds of eye contact, the unexpected messages, the way someone remembers details you thought were forgotten, or how they make time even on their busiest days. Real interest often speaks quietly, but when someone truly likes you, their consistency, curiosity, and effort usually say what their words may not.” Shivani Misr Sadhoo, a certified Gottman therapist and one of the experienced marriage counsellors in Delhi and across India

They Find Reasons to Start Conversations

When someone likes you, they usually look for opportunities to talk, whether through messages, casual chats, social media reactions, or random check-ins. If your crush often initiates conversations without a clear reason, it may be a sign they enjoy your presence.

They Remember Small Details About You

People tend to remember things that matter to them. If your crush remembers your favourite food, an important event, your hobbies, or something you casually mentioned days ago, it often reflects genuine interest and emotional attention.

Their Body Language Changes Around You

Eye contact, smiling more often, leaning in while talking, fixing their appearance, or appearing slightly nervous can all be subtle signs of attraction. Body language often communicates interest before words do.

They Make Time for You

No matter how busy someone is, people usually make time for those they truly care about. If your crush consistently replies, checks on you, or creates chances to spend time together, their effort may be saying more than their words.

They Tease You or Flirt Naturally

Light teasing, playful jokes, inside conversations, and a comfortable sense of humor often indicate emotional comfort and attraction. Flirting does not always look dramatic—sometimes it feels natural, warm, and effortless.

They Show Curiosity About Your Life

Someone who likes you often wants to know more about your day, goals, interests, relationships, and future plans. Emotional curiosity usually reflects a desire to build a deeper connection.

They Notice When Something Feels Different

If they ask whether you are okay, notice your mood changes, or check in when you seem quiet, it may indicate emotional investment beyond casual friendship.

When Is It Time to Stop Guessing?

Sometimes attraction becomes clearer through honest communication rather than endless analysis. If the connection feels genuine, mutual, and emotionally comfortable, expressing interest respectfully may bring the clarity you need.

Real attraction is rarely about one dramatic sign. More often, it shows up through consistency, attention, emotional effort, and the way someone makes you feel when you are around them.