You have just turned 30 or even are of more than 30 and you are still single, whereas, all of your friends and colleagues are married, engaged, or are already committed and dating someone. Even though you are happy, confident, and have an active social life, but you are slowly or rapidly starting to worry that there is not anyone out there for you. The situation can become worse and tricky more so when you also end up countering questions be it from your family, relatives or friends when are you going to get married or even seeking out for a steady relationship.
Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo says these kind of thoughts or questions are at times good enough to suddenly rattle your mind and you start to question yourself regarding your own abilities and it reaches a point when you also look to seek validation from others by asking questions like “Am I good enough” or “Is there something lacking in me” and several other questions.
Today in this blog Delhi’s eminent Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells how can you continue to date in hopes of finding a good and stable relationship without appearing desperate.
Here, are few ways that will help you how to stop the feeling of desperation when you are single?
To Start with the Benefits of Being Single
Every place you see, from movies to magazines, you are mostly told that being in a relationship equals being happy. The good news! That’s 100% not correct.
You have probably heard it earlier, but the only way to put your finest self out there is to first get comfortable with yourself and your alone or me time.
Rather than focusing on what you do not have, think about what is great about you and your life currently. Being single has numerous perks. Taking sudden road trips and being the driver of your own life and destiny
Whenever you feeling sad or desperate, always remember those good points. It will take some time and practice, but almost every negative thought about being single can be switched to a good one.
What is more based on life various life experiences discovered that finding love is not about wearing the proper outfit, going to the best restaurant for a first date, or waiting 5 days after that date to text. It is about looking inside you and asking yourself 2 major questions.
What Parts of Life Matters to Me?
Once you have thought and identified about the following 6 areas of your life, you will have better clarity of what you are all about, which will also assist you to identify compatibilities in a potential partner.
How do you see each core area? Where do your values, priorities, and goals of life are places? Are you happy and satisfied with your priorities, or do you need any of them to change?
Next, ask yourself which 2 aspects stand out the most in terms of how you want to spend your life in the future. Remember that there are no correct or incorrect answers here, or opinions.
From that list, you may end up being attracted to someone who appears nothing like what you thought was your “kind”. It has been found that partners who share beliefs about those values are more likely to stay together over the longer course.
Remember, a couple can share all-important life values even when they have contrasting interests and hobbies, and even when they are of 2 different races, religions, or have quite a dissimilar social background.
What is that I Need or Want in a Partner?
Do you actually know how the right person would look like if you meet them today? The majority of the people do not take out time to think about what they want in a romantic relationship. In an attempt to open yourself up to a connection and not feeling desperate, decide exactly what you need or want in your partner.
Defining that person, you want to be with is a bit like making a list before you head to the store. It streamlines the procedure, keeps you away from making random or desperate selections, and prevents you from wasting time and also money, the last thing you want at the store or even in dating.
Get yourself a piece of paper and divide it into 2 columns. On the left, list a minimum of 5 must-have qualities that you require in a partner. Do that person’s age and appearance matter? What about personality traits? Would you prefer someone sensitive, inquisitive, easygoing, adventurous, or street smart?
In the right column, list another 5 deal-breakers. Maybe it is like drinking or smoking cigarettes, being in a financial problem, having terrible behavior, or usually, being closed-minded. These are the 5 things that, as good as you try, you simply cannot tolerate or allow in a partner.
When you meet a new person, this list will become a handy tool. It will remind you to ensure your needs are being met. Rather than worrying about what your date thinks about you, as you may have done before, your list will assist you to determine if that person could fit into the future you envision.
In the end, by understanding knowing yourself and what matters to you both in life and in a partner, you will feel far less desperate and anxious. When you move around with a positive attitude, you will find the right person for you. Please be assured they are out there.
During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counselor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.
However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception. But try it before you disregard this option. This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.
You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!
Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.