Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Humans are emotional beings who always crave love, care, respect, and support.

Friends and family are important, but you all yearn to have that special someone in your life who would love you unconditionally and be by your side, no matter what goes wrong.

The support of your partner in the lowest moments can help you boost your confidence to another level. However, arduous a situation is, a supportive partner’s presence can make you believe that everything will be alright.

Being a supportive partner feels like an essential part of a relationship, but some people might not know the best methods to be a supportive husband, wife, or significant other.

There are different types of support in a relationship, as well as several vital reasons for supporting your partner or significant other, says Shivani.

What does it actually mean to be a supportive partner?

There is no clear example of what it means to be a supportive partner. The idea of being supportive that holds for you may or may not work for another.

Eventually, having a supportive partner means that your needs, and desires are met in the relationship, whatever these could be.

One method to know you have a supportive spouse or that you are supportive in a relationship is to look at the idea of choice. Here they are:

•        A supportive partner lets their significant other make choices
•        A supportive partner is the one who is encouraging
•        Supportive partner also means making your significant other feel important and respected

Being supportive in a relationship is quite vital because it is one of the most important aspects of developing a relationship. Having a supportive partner lets a person cope with challenges in life. While also having a partner who supports your dreams allows you to become the finest version of yourself.

Signs of a supportive partner

Supporting a partner may look different in every relationship, but there are some subtle and strong signs that prove one is a supportive wife or a husband.

•        Being a good listener
•        Displaying consideration for your spouse
•        Taking time to laugh with your partner
•        Paying attention to your spouse
•        Being helpful
•        Having the ability to apologize
•        Being honest
•        Viewing your spouse as your teammate

Now you get some ideas that signify a supportive partner, here in this blog leading couple’s therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares steps that one needs to take to be a supportive partner.

Make a commitment to truly listen to your spouse

Active listening is important for the well functioning of an intimate relationship. Responsive listening needs you to be actively interested and participate in the conversation. You can do them by taking some time to ask questions and post-listening to them so that you can actually understand your partner’s views.

Be empathetic

It needs you to place yourself in your spouse’s shoes. For example, if your partner is venting about a bad day at work, just think about how you may have felt if you had an issue at the workplace with a co-worker and wanted to talk about it to someone.

Communicate to your spouse often that you two are a team

When things get difficult, be certain to communicate to your spouse that you two are a team and a union. Express that you wish to remain supportive of each other.

Give time to discuss your partner’s dreams and aspirations

Take some time to sit with your partner and talk about their dreams, hopes, goals, and aspirations. It shows your partner that you support them in growing and becoming the best version of themselves.

Provide your partner some time to cool off or relax by themselves

If your partner comes home from work and appears stressed or just not in the mood to talk, recognize the fact and provide them some alone time to unwind, by not taking it personally.

Appreciate your spouse

From time to time praise your partner for their accomplishments and let them know that you appreciate the things they do for you.

Practice little, thoughtful acts

You can practice small and thoughtful acts. Like doing the extra household chores which are usually done by your partner daily or if you are going out take out your partner’s car to fill the fuel or take it to the car wash.

Avoid talking to your spouse out of their feelings

You might be uncomfortable with your partner’s unpleasant emotions but telling them not to be upset could go a long way and make them feel unsupported.

Let your partner do the things their own way

Your partner may occasionally do something different from what you do, but by chastising them, you only show a lack of support. So, rather than criticizing or correcting them simply accept the way they do things.

Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo Says, Learn the Signs and Ways to Rekindle Attraction within Your Relationship

For a relationship to grow, certain things have to be in place: love: to maintain the bond, tenderness, and care that drew both the partners together. Trust: a vital foundation every bond requires to promote a sense of security between significant others, and definitely—attraction—because passion added with excitement keeps the fire burning in any successful relationship.

It’s difficult to put any of these factors above the other, this is due to the fact they all work in sync to keep a relationship going. However, knowing that your spouse experiences an electrifying thrill from mundane things such as your smile, how clothes fit on your body, or maybe even simply watching you work in your element, is a feeling that is not easily traded in a relationship.

This is why at the initial signs that you no longer spark a fire in someone you love, it could feel more than a little unsettling.

This blog by leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about specific signs that might indicate a decrease in how attractive your spouse finds you. In case signs are there, you will also learn ways to rekindle the lost attraction.

Here are some red flags that may indicate that your spouse is facing difficulty to see you as attractive.

Your spouse is spending more time away from you

When your partner is spending more time away from home or from you. This could be worrying. Yes, it is also true if you and your partner are spending less time together is not always a concern. Sometimes individual spaces are needed. But if your partner repeatedly gives excuses as to why they can’t talk or spend time together. Then it is a sign of losing spark.

Putting less or no effort into the relationship

A sad indicator indeed. Your partner is putting no or less effort in the relationship. Planning activities become things of the past, and getting responses through phones and texts becomes daunting. This is painful specifically when earlier your partner was diligent in making you special early on.

Waning sex life or intimacy

An important factor to determine is how your spouse feels about your physical relationship is to examine your sex life. What does getting intimate generally feel like? Are you and your partner taking time to speak and discuss it? This particularly could be noted in married couples. A drastic change in pattern while getting intimate indicates how attractive your partner finds you. When intimacy is completely missing or there is a lack of it, this is a sure sign your partner is losing interest in you. Or another sign is when your partner getting intimate becomes just a general routine for them, they do it just for an obligation nothing more than that.

Frequent fighting

Sometimes small fights are fine, but if your partner has become more irritable towards you and does not waste any opportunity to quarrel with you even on the slightest of issues. It is a sign of waning attraction.

Ways to rekindle the attraction within your relationship

Knowing your partner no more finds you attractive could be painful. But being aware might be the vital cog to transforming your relationship. Here are some ways to rekindle the lost spark shares Shivani.

Have an open communication

Speakto your spouse openly and honestly about the alteration you have noticed in their attraction to you. Learn how they view you, or if your conduct has changed to an extent that might be causing them to pull away. Knowing all this could give you a clue or two that will take you towards resolving the complexities.

Spend some time apart

Spending time apart does not mean completely cutting off entire communication. It is vital to check from time to time while being apart. But when you spend some time apart by going on some solo trip or going on a vacation with your friends, this may give your partner the opportunity to miss you and also a chance to rediscover your lost self. Perhaps a reunion after this brief separation could ignite lost attraction even more.

Do basic romance

Just remember how you met earlier. With your partner’s indulgence, you would be able to take your relationship back just to the good old days. Go on dates again. Take care to groom yourself and look good again. Send intimate texts or go to movies or dinner dates. Keeping close to your partner and breaking the monotony could help revive the lost attraction.

For those fortunate enough to have loved ones nearby, hugging could have substantial health benefits. Sadly, people who have been deprived of availing of physical touch during the pandemic that led to social isolation and lockdowns have felt the detrimental health impacts that a lack of physical touch could impose. Video calls are useful strategies to feel close to others when face-to-face interactions are not feasible, but nothing comes closer to being with loved ones in person.

Shivani says in simple words you can put hugging that can be described as a handshake from the heart. The simple act of embracing forms feel-good energy for both the giver and recipient. Science has been looking into its positive impacts, and several studies related to hugging, cuddling, and touching have been seeing the same conclusion—hugging is a vital part of human development.

Human touch or hugging is equally vital for both babies and adults opines Shivani Sadhoo.

India’s top psychologist and couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some of the amazing benefits of the ever so magical “Hug”.

Hugging is heart-friendly

Embracing triggers the hormone oxytocin, which makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. In one experiment at the University of North Carolina, participants who did not have any contact with their partners formed a quickened heart rate of 10 beats per minute, compared to the 5 beats per minute among those who got to hug their partners during the experiment.

Reduces stress naturally

If you are feeling a little drained or pressured, get someone you care about and provide them an all-enveloping hug. Research has seen that embracing lowers the amount of cortisol (stress hormone) in human bodies, freeing tension and sending calming messages to the brain.

It could minimize fears

A study conducted on fears and self-esteem checked into the link between human touch and lowering the fear of mortality. Participants were more likely to have less anxiety about death when being lightly touched or hugging an inanimate thing such as a teddy bear.

Giving hugs to babies help them become a well-prepared adult

Touch is vital to infants, particularly in their early stages of life as it assists them to bond with others while they get older. A study was done that compared a group of adopted kids whose first years were spent in orphanages where they did not receive physical contact, to kids who were raised by an affectionate family. It found that the adopted children had significantly lesser levels of vasopressin—a hormone that has a role in familial recognition and bonding —compared to others.

It is vital for adults too

Physical touch and hugging could counter feelings of loneliness that grow as people get older. A retirement home in New York did a study in which they conducted a program called “Embraceable You.” The logic was to encourage cross-generational contact and touch amongst residents and staff members in an attempt to improve the residents’ well-being. The outcomes were conclusive, with residents who were touched or given hugs 3 or more times a day had more energy, felt less depressed, were better capable to concentrate, and got more restful sleep compared to their less-hugged counterparts.

When it comes to your marriage or dating, there are plenty of things that can go wrong. But sometimes it is not what you are doing that is causing problems in your relationship. It is the parents. Whether yours or your partner’s, parents can definitely have a way of butting in where they must not and can turn your relationship bitter.

This blog by India’s top Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Family Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo speaks specifically about how your or his parents are ruining your relationship.

The Models of Love Parents Provided 

Parents shape their kid’s future love lives from the very beginning. The manner you’re raised and the atmosphere in which you grew up impacts the way you perceive, feel, and give love. 

One learns about love from his/her parents. It is part of the authority that parents get. Whether you move towards the model of love that your parents provide for you or you move away from it, it remains their model that you base your assumptions on. 

So, it is a wise thing to be aware of those things while you act in your relationship.

Crossing Limits and Lines of Communication

A huge way that parents interfere in their adult child’s relationship is by crossing limits and proper lines of communication, such as reaching out straight to their child’s partner to provide their two cents about how the relationship, or even having other family members involved. 

Any moment a parent reaches out to their child’s partner or their kid’s partner’s family, there are boundaries being crossed. It is quite dangerous once you do that. If they have any doubts about the relationship they must be taking it to their child, not to their child’s partner or his parents.

Though it is totally normal for a parent to give their child relationship advice, it is a bit right to go any further. A romantic relationship is just for the people in that relationship to work on, not their parents. A parent may even mean good by doing this, but it is detrimental and cause awkwardness. If you feel your partner’s parents or your parents are too hands-on, never be afraid to talk to your partner about it. If you do not, it will just keep happening.  

Overly Attached

The biggest of all “The Mama’s Boy or The Daddy’s Little Girl.” At least, this is what bothers many. And let us be real, anyone who has been in a relationship with a person like this knows how awful it could get. To be clear, it is not bad for a man or woman to love or interact with their father or mother, but it is when the bond is way too strong; one can also say aggressive. 

The worst method [to interfere] is when they’re a mama’s boy or daddy’s little girl and the mom or dad is simply competing with the wife or husband. When you’re the woman and [his] mom’s interfering, she looks to be the confidant to him. Rather than encouraging him to go to you and build that relationship, she perceives you as a threat. 

When the mom or dad interferes to a large extent, it’s not only intrusive but it’s way creepy. This sort of over-involvement and over-attachment can also simply ruin your relationship.

Pushing Their Problems On You Or Your Partner 

When an individual’s parents are having marital issues, it might be hard on them in several ways, including their romantic relationships. While a marriage dissolve can provide a person with a cynical outlook on their own love lives. 

While a divorce like an experience can influence them in terms of the parent saying, you must avoid people like your dad or mom, making stereotypes in that regard. It’s absolutely important for parents to know their problems, so they do not put them on their own kids. Even if it is not their marital problems, parents can still push their problems onto their children and harm relationships. If even one of the parents has drinking, violence or anger problems, that will no doubt create stress and emotional issues. Your partner may feel like they have to be there more for their parents than they are for you. 

When such things happen, your partner has to be able to find out a way to get a balance in their life and keep it separate from those of their parents. This does not mean that they have to abandon their family, but they have to be able to identify the difference between your parents’ relationship and your own relationship. Simply, because your parents might be dysfunctional, doesn’t mean that your relationship needs to be.

Forcing Family Expectation in the Name of Tradition

If your partner belongs to a different culture than you do or their parents are quite strict about their family lifestyle and expectations, your relationship could be doomed from the beginning. Plenty of times, it has been seen that particularly when younger ones are involved with people outside their parents’ group, a person outside of their socio-economic class, different opinion. Yes, it could be anything but the families do not necessarily see it that way. They look at it preserving their beliefs. For instance, Indian parents tend to be forcing their kids by what age they ought to have a baby as in their family, they have a certain trend that by a certain age everyone became parents, and so on. 

Ultimately, it is your and your partner’s decision. So try to avoid such sort of expectations when it is unnecessarily being forcing on you.

Making Special Occasions Problematic

In spite of the joy, they are supposed to provide, holidays could be some of the toughest days of the year. Spending the entire day with your whole family could be taxing on its own, but holidays can create problems in relationships as well. You might feel like you must spend the holidays with your significant other, but your or her family may be hellbent on having your partner entirely to themselves. Or in case they are also holidaying with you, their interference regarding what to eat and where to travel can be real mood spoilers. Holidays are a rare opportunity that fosters bonding for a couple but when it is denied it spells trouble.

Having respective parents are fine but if your partner is trying to prevent it then it is a big warning sign. And later it can really escalate the problem.

Showing Up Frequently

As a couple you need time alone together. However, it can be spoiled if your or his parents frequently visit you and that too all of a sudden. They may even turn up when you are trying to have quiet private time that eventually hampers your bonding. This may give rise to the thought of not having enough freedom and it feels suffocating. So better watch out for this sign.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Most amongst you know the obvious factors such as infidelity, lack of trust that can damage a relationship. Besides those, there are several reasons which can destroy a happy relationship but these hardly ever catch your attention until it is too late.

Counselor Shivani says perhaps it would not be incorrect to call these as silent killers because those are too subtle to get noticed. But you can certainly save yourself and your partner from falling prey to these relationship killers if you are a bit careful. So, look out for those signs to protect your bond with your partner from hitting the rock bottom.

This blog, by top Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert, Shivani Misri Sadhoo discusses the biggest silent killers of a relationship and how to address them. Here they are.

Harboring Bitterness

When couples are in a long-term relationship or have been married for some time, they face this issue of harboring hidden bitterness. Suppressed or unaddressed resentments can create irreversible damage to a relationship. It is quite important to express anger or frustration because suppressed bitterness will come firing out in the future and can erode a relationship.

Assumptions

When couples brag that they are so compatible that they can even complete each other’s sentences, it could be both good as well as a bad sign. What they really need to ask is, can two individuals be so close that they know everything regarding each other to such a point that they can read minds? Or is it simply an assumption? Sometimes, just assuming about your partner’s likes and dislikes and doing things accordingly can do more damage to a relationship than good. Rather than assuming, it is always better if the partners let each other express their views and desires.

Taken for Granted

This is one of the unacknowledged factors that often leads to cracks in the most stable relationships. It is a common human behavior to take a person for granted when you are with him/her for a long time. So, how do you stop it? One of the methods to hold yourself back from being taken for granted is just by breaking the routine.

Not Talking about Intimacy

There are individuals who shy away from discussing their physical needs with a partner. Feeling sexually unsatisfied in a relationship is very common but a lot of couples never address this issue because of insecurity and fear. But unfulfilled desires may lead to low-self-esteem, infidelity, and resentment. The best solution to this problem is to talk about your desires and let your partner know what you need and what are your needs in terms of physical intimacy.

It is Mostly I than We

Selfishness is another unaddressed issue that has the capability to ruin even the strongest of the relationships. The only manner to get over this habit of thinking merely about your interest is by prioritizing what is best for the relationship with your partner.

Be it arrange marriage scenario or online dating, sometimes a girl meets a man who seems too much in a hurry to let the relationship happen. Such men may talk about planning children, ask for physical intimacy even before knowing you properly.

They never seem bothered or willing to understand what a woman feels about them. Surely, they are a real turn off for every woman, but if you are confused if you are making the right decision or not, Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares fours signs to identify if the man is needy and desperate.

Repeated Sweet Talker

After the first date, this man will talk sweet, but ‘every time’. Yes, this is the first sign that he simply cannot do without you ever. If post the first few dates, a man is repeatedly texting you throughout the day, explaining to you that he is busy thinking about you, imagining his life with you, and is more than eager to meet you every now and then ( makes you feel embarrassed outside your workplace with gifts or bunch of flowers), well, actually he is way too desperate and clingy. Think about it, either the man is simply trying to get hooked on, or he is desperately in need of a woman.

I Need You Too

He wants to be with you even when you are with your friends. Which person does not like a small gathering time with friends, without their partner? But what when your man is more than willing and adamant to be a part of your girl gang, even when he is uninvited. Just think what you would ever feel if your friend brings along her date when your girl group is having that bonding time. Won’t you think, he cannot even leave her alone for once.

Looking to do Things Faster

Has he initiated talks about the future like sex, moving in, marriage, children, and finances all too soon? Actually, there he is, this man wants it all at once and instantly, actually, he falls in the category “needs it now”. He needs you to the extent of not trying or thinking to even wait for you to think about them or time to pass before he even understands you better.

No More with Friends

Does he look to stay away from friends for you? Initially, it probably sounds really wonderful about him. After all who does not like a man who prioritizes his date over his friends. But if he is the type who cancels every single plan with his friend only for you, that’s an alarm that the man is Mr. Needy. Come to think of it, he is about to create a relationship with you where he has convinced you he is fine with lying all day on that couch with you rather than being with his friends when he is supposed to do so (always, that is). And soon, he will ask you to do the same.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Aditi, 38, and Samar, 42, sat on opposite ends of the couch during their first couples counselling session. When I ask them about some of the obstacles, they are facing in their 5-year marriage, Aditi opened up about why she wanted to meet with me.

Like Aditi and Samar, many of the couples that I work with in my clinic have feelings of mistrust when it comes to facing daily life challenges initial years are always challenging and often it has a lot of things to do with trust.

Aditi said Samar has been cold-shouldering her ever since she spent without his consent and was unhappy with the billings. Even though it was strictly for her own business.

Trust is an Important Aspect of Intimacy

Aditi knows that her emotional sensitivity makes it hard for her to open up to Samar and increase her fear of being hurt or left alone by him. She strives to be clear with Samar about finances but struggles to do it because she does not feel secure in her relationship with him. After going through a difficult divorce, Aditi has trust issues and describes how she is fearing of losing Samar.

Although Aditi does not believe she was overspending on her business, she also understands that withholding financial information is building mistrust and damaging her marriage.

Then Samar said, I do not always want to talk things through, but it does not mean I do not love Aditi. She feels insecure and wants me to reassure her every time that I will be there for her and she needs to understand that I am not going to leave her as her ex-husband did. When she gets mistrustful, her voice tone changes, and she mostly threatens to leave me.

Then Aditi responded, things do not always go well when we disagree. When we have issues, Samar does not normally want to talk about it. And I have an issue because my ex-partner also gave me the silent treatment and then left after saying that he wanted a divorce. I feel dejected and rejected when Samar goes into his shell, but I am learning to let go of my old baggage and provide him space.

So, what can they do now?

Learning to trust each other

One of the toughest things about trusting someone is learning to have faith in your own judgment. Trust is about a lot more than finding signs that your partner has been dishonest. It is about believing that they have your best interests in their heart.

Every person is born with the ability to trust others but due to life experiences, you may have become less trusting as a form of self-defense. Falling in love and getting married can be uplifting and scary all at once. An incapability to trust a new partner can take several forms, from feeling they are dishonest or secretive, to doubting they are going to keep their promises or be fallible.

Take a moment to think about this. Your partner is not alone responsible for creating mistrustful feelings. In the majority of the cases, you should take equal responsibility for making an atmosphere of safety and security in your relationship. In order to start the process of overcoming mistrust, ask yourself:

·         What is the story that you are narrating yourself?

·         Do you fear of loss and abandonment cloud your perspective and cause you to overreact to your partner’s actions?

·         Is your mistrust coming from something that is really happening in the present, or is it related to your past?

·         Do you feel comfortable asking for what you need and allowing yourself to be vulnerable?

·         Do you bring your best self to your interactions with your partner?

·         Do you possess self-love and allow yourself to be loved and respected?

Several relationships are damaged by self-fulfilling prophecies. If you believe your partner will harm you, you can unconsciously boost hurts to emerge in your relationship. But gradually, if you learn to operate from a viewpoint that your partner loves you and desires the best for you, you can enjoy trust in your marriage.

Here are 7 ways to proactively build trust in your relationship.

Identify your feelings and practice being vulnerable in minor steps

Develop confidence in being open with your partner. Discussing small issues like schedules and meals is a good place to begin before handling bigger matters like disciplining kids and finances.

Be honest and discuss about key issues in your relationship

Be certain to be forthcoming regarding finances, your past, and issues with a family member, co-workers, or kids. Do not sweep vital issues under the rug since this can lead to resentment.

Challenge mistrustful thoughts

Ask yourself, is your lack of trust due to your partner’s actions, your own insecurities, or both? Be aware of unresolved problems from your past relationships that could be triggering mistrust in the present.

Believe in your intuition and instincts

Have faith in your own perceptions and give attention to red flags. Be prone and ask for reassurance if you feel mistrustful.

Think your partner has good intentions

If he/she lets you down, it could just be failure incompetence at times people simply make a mistake.

Listen to your partner’s side of the case

Believe that there are honest and genuine people in the world. Unless you have a valid reason to mistrust him/her, have faith in your partner.

Practice having a recovery conversation post an argument

Take a little break if you feel overwhelmed and flooded and set a timeline to process what happened. This will provide you both time to calm down and analyse your thoughts so you can have a more meaningful conversation with your partner.

For a relationship to succeed in the longer course, you should be able to trust each other. Building trust with a partner is actually about the small moments of connection that lets you to feel safe and to truly believe that your partner will be there up for you. It is the bedrock of a happy, long term partnership.

An important part of my work with Aditi and Samar focused on facilitating conversations between them that assisted to rebuild trust and affirm their commitment to each over time.

For example, Samar was able to be vulnerable and apologize for giving Aditi the silent treatment, which triggered her feelings of being mistrust and insecurity. Rather than telling her, she was too needy, he started responding to her bids for connection quite often. Luckily, Aditi gave Samar a sincere apology for her monetary infidelity linked to expenditures for her business, and she promised to practice complete disclosure in the future.

In the end, Aditi said, it was not expected when Samar was willing to listen to her side of the story and not throw out blame. I made an error and was willing to accept it for my actions but he did not rub it in or make me feel guilty than I already did. It feels like we can start again now that I have apologized and made a promise to be more open with Samar. I understand that I am fortunate that Samar forgave me.

You have the ability to shackle free from the hold that mistrust has on your relationship and make the kind of intimacy you deserve.

**To keep the confidentiality intact the names of the clients have been changed.  

Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

I am Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, I am an experienced and certified counselling psychologist, Gottman Method Certified Couples Therapist and works with eminent Hospitals in Delhi. I have helped over 17,000 couples and individuals, both in India and abroad, and helped them to solve their relationship issues, communication difficulties, and intimacy issues and rejuvenate their marital life.

I also have specialization in the area of Personal Crisis interventions like coping-up with Separation and Divorce, Domestic and Child and Adolescent issues, Depression, Stress, Loss, and Grief. I am currently working with India’s top hospital groups like IBS Hospital New Delhi (Institute of Brain & Spine) and with Express Clinics. I am also a Level 3 Trained Gottman Method Certified Couples Therapist.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

With mounting tension and stress during COVID-19 lockdown, most couples are challenged to maintain peace and a good emotional level during their home isolation. In fact, a lot of couples may be possibly ruining their relationships in quarantine without even realizing it.

To avoid such a scenario and maintain a healthy relationship level during the lockdown, India’s leading relationship expert and couple therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 3 ways for couples to avoid relationship problem during the lockdown.

Avoid being overly critical

Being stuck inside home added with mental stress and anxieties may easily tempt people to become hyper-focused on every small thing that is happening around them. This may trigger the person to become over critical of their partners. Resultant, you may frequently express advice or criticize them because you are not liking the way your partner is coping with the pandemic, or perhaps [you] are critical of the fact that they aren’t making an effort to exercise, etc.

Remember, your partner too is passing his/her own inner battle, he/she is facing the anxiety and stress from additional home chores, financial challenges, difficulty to do work from home, etc. Hence next time you feel to give advice to your partner or feel angry about him or her, hold for a moment and remind yourself that your partner too is going through their own inner stress and at least try not to add to it.

Give your partner his/her professional space

Lockdown has made working couples to share their working space at home. When couples start to share a workspace, there is a strong possibility that after some time, little friendly tips to partners may soon turn interferences into each other’s professional space. Hence give your partner enough professional space and hold your temptations to share suggestions involuntarily.

Don’t forget to check with your partner

During a pandemic, it’s easy to get caught up in our own stress and mental pressure, but that doesn’t mean you forget to check with your partner as it can hurt them and also send them a wrong message. Asking your partner how they are doing is an easy way to show that you care about his/her feelings. Allowing each other to open up will strengthen the trust within a relationship and allow your home to remain a safe space for both of you to express yourselves.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Coronavirus has pushed the world into uncertainty and the continuous news about the pandemic can seem relentless. All of this is taking its toll on the majority of people’s mental health, especially those already living with conditions such as anxiety and OCD. The question arises how can you protect your mental health?

Being concerned or worried about the news is acceptable, but for several people, it can make existing mental health problems even worse.

Today, Delhi based Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells how you can protect your mental health and be prepared during this pandemic.

The fear of getting out of control and unable to bear the uncertainty are common characteristics of several anxiety disorders. So, it is understandable that various people with pre-existing anxiety are having challenges at the moment.

Plenty of anxiety is rooted in worrying regarding the unknown and waiting for something to happen, coronavirus is that phenomena

So the question remains how can one protects his/her mental health? Take a look at some of the most important things that one needs to follow not just if one has anxiety or OCD related problems but for general people as well.

Restrict The News And Be Cautious What You Read

Reading and listening to plenty of news about coronavirus has the potential to led to panic attacks for some.

When one is feeling anxious his/her thoughts could spiral out of control and one starts thinking about disastrous outcomes. One usually, is worried about his parents, family, and people he knows.

Normally when one suffers one can get away from a situation. But this situation seems beyond control.

Having considerable time spending away from the news, websites and social media can help one to manage their anxiety.

• Restrict the duration of time you spend reading or watching things that are not making you feel better. If possible, decide on a particular time to check in with the news
• There are plenty of wrong information moving around stay well informed by sticking to trusted and authenticate sources of information like government websites.

Take Break From Social Media And Mute Notifications

Some people have health anxiety and feel necessary to stay informed and find out the subject. But at the same time, they know that social media can be a trigger.

One randomly clicks on a link or hashtag and sees all kind of unverified content and it could make some really anxious and indecisive.

Now one needs to be extremely careful about which profiles or links he/she checks and avoid clicking on coronavirus related materials. Trying listening to songs or reading books instead of using social media.

• Mute or unfollow news, contents that could be triggering on any social media platform you are using.
• Mute or exit WhatsApp groups if you find them too bothersome.

Stay Connected With People

The number of people in self-isolation may increase so it could be a good time to ensure you have the right contact numbers and email addresses of the people, you care about the most.

If you are in lockdown the feel connected to the people around you.

• If you are self-isolating, have a balance between maintaining a routine and making sure every day has some variety.
• It may end up actually seeming like quite a productive number of days or weeks. You can work regarding your important tasks or read a book that you were not able to do it until now.

Clean And Wash Your Hand But Not Exorbitantly

OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) people might be seen in the increase in assistance requests from people whose fears have become centered on the coronavirus pandemic.

For individuals having OCD and some form of anxiety, being consistently told to wash your hands can be particularly difficult to hear.

People living with the fear of contamination is one aspect of having OCD. The constant advice or reminders about handwashing can be a big trigger for people who have recovered.

It is quite difficult because one has to do some of the behaviors that he/she has been avoiding.

The matter is to look out for is the function, for instance, is the washing being carried out for the suggested amount of time to decrease the risk of spreading the virus or it is simply being done ritualistically in a particular order to feel simply well?

• People with OCD, getting normal means being able to leave the premises, so self-isolating can pose another challenge.
• If one is forced to stay at home, one has lots of time on their hands, monotony and boredom can make OCD worse.

Prevent Burnout

It might be possible that there will be several weeks and months of the coronavirus pandemic ahead, it is vital to have downtime. Be mindful, continue to access nature and sunlight whenever possible. Do physical activities, eat healthily and stay hydrated. Practice the following things.

Accept: Observe and acknowledge the uncertainty when it comes to mind.

Halt: Do not react as you usually do. Do not react at all. Halt and breathe.

Withdraw: Tell yourself this is simply the worry talking, and this obvious need for certainty is not supporting and not necessary. It is just a thought or feeling. Do not believe everything you think. Thoughts are never a statement or realities.

Let Free: Let free your thought or feeling. It will pass. You do not have to respond to them. You could imagine them floating away in the form of a cloud or bubble.

Search: Observe or search the present moment, because presently, at this moment, all is fine. Check your breathing and the sensations of it. Look the ground beneath you. Look around and observe what you see, hear, touch, and smell currently. Then shift your center of attention to something else on what you require to do, on what you were doing previously prior you noticed the worry, or do something different mindfully with your total concentration.

There are several clear signs of obsession that you must definitely be aware of. Whether you are obsessed about someone or someone else is obsessed about you, it is essential that you know about these signs. Being in love can be wonderful, but it is completely different from obsession.

When you know about some of the common signs of obsession, you can provide yourself a bit of a reality check. Obsession is never good nor healthy, and the quicker you find out whether or not you have a concern with it the better off you will be.

Delhi based Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about signs of obsessive love that one should not ignore.

Something Seems Not Quite Right

One of the most basic signs of obsession is that something just does not seems right. Deep down you know that your feelings are not healthy, and you need to put an end to it. Listen to your instincts, because they will eventually end up being your salvation.

No Time For Yourself

If you are obsessed about someone else, you never want to spend a moment away from them. Those who are obsessed with others do not value alone time because they simply want to spend every waking moment with the object or person of their affection. If someone is obsessed with you, they perhaps would not ever want to let you go out of their sight. Anyway, this is not part of a healthy relationship.

Excessive Jealousy

There is no way that an individual can be obsessed with someone without being extremely jealous as well. Do you see yourself repeatedly getting jealous of even the slightest affection that others show towards your significant other? Jealousy tends to be a big problem when there is an obsession within a relationship. A little jealousy every once in a while is quite normal, but it can rapidly become a problem for those who are obsessed with the person they are with.

Total Lack Of Privacy

Obsession mostly leads to suspicion and a wretched lack of privacy. Does the individual you are with a demand to have all the passwords of your social media and email accounts? If so, there is a high chance that they are fully and utterly obsessed with you. Everyone needs a specific amount of privacy, even in a relationship. Privacy does not equal to secrecy, and it is important that you understand this.

They Move Too Fast

If with someone you have only been out only a few times and says they love you, consider it as a major red flag. You do not want to get into a serious relationship with anyone who moves this fast, because the probability is, they are already obsessed.

Constantly Keeps On Checking You

If you cannot go out with friends or colleagues without the person ringing up your phone, they are probably obsessed with you. You must not have to pay the person continuous attention no matter where you are.

Threaten You

If you are being threatened in any means by the person you are seeing, it is a matter of obsession, not love. You must take any threats the person makes quite seriously, because otherwise, you may end up in a very complex situation.