Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Signs You’ve Found a Therapist Who Truly Understands Couples

Let’s face it — no relationship is perfect. Even the strongest marriages can hit rough patches where communication breaks down, resentment builds, and emotional distance creeps in. When couples start to feel more like roommates or adversaries than partners, marriage counselling often becomes the next step. But walking into a therapist’s office is just the beginning. What really determines the success of therapy isn’t just the willingness of the couple — it’s whether the therapist truly gets both individuals, and more importantly, the relationship between them.

Not every therapist is skilled in working with couples. Some may apply individual therapy tools to a joint problem, while others may unintentionally take sides or fail to understand the emotional dance happening beneath the surface. That’s why finding the right therapist — someone who understands how couples work, fight, connect, and grow — is crucial. This is what India’s best couples’ therapist and marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, has to say via this article.

How Do You Know You’ve Found a Therapist Who Truly Understands Couples?

It’s not always obvious at first, but there are some clear signs you can look for — and feel — during your sessions, says Delhi’s top Gottman Certified Level 3 couples counselor Shivani Sadhoo.

They Focus on the Relationship, Not Just Two Individuals

A therapist who understands couples doesn’t just listen to each partner separately — they tune into the dynamic between you. They pay attention to how you talk to and about each other, how conflict patterns unfold, and how emotional needs are (or aren’t) being met. Instead of taking sides, they help each person see how they contribute to the cycle — and how to shift it together.

Both Partners Feel Heard and Safe

You should never feel like one person is being favoured or blamed. A skilled couples therapist creates a space where both people feel respected, validated, and safe to be vulnerable — even when the truth is hard to hear. If you leave sessions feeling ganged up on or ignored, that’s a red flag. The best therapists are emotionally attuned and make room for both voices, even when the pain is loud.

They Help You Understand the “Why” Beneath the Fights

Arguments about dishes or text messages are rarely about the dishes or the phone. A therapist who understands couples will gently guide you to the deeper layers — the fear of rejection, the longing for connection, the pain of unmet needs. They’re not just refereeing fights; they’re helping you understand what those fights are really about.

Progress Feels Measurable — Even if It’s Small

Good couples therapy doesn’t mean all problems disappear overnight. But you should start noticing small shifts: less reactive fights, moments of emotional closeness, more awareness of triggers, or new tools to manage conflict. A therapist who knows what they’re doing will help you track that growth and keep moving forward, not just recycle the same complaints week after week.

They Challenge You — Lovingly

A therapist who truly understands couples doesn’t just nod and sympathise. They challenge your assumptions, call out your defence mechanisms, and gently hold up a mirror — all with the goal of helping you reconnect, not criticise. Growth can be uncomfortable, and the right therapist doesn’t shy away from that discomfort. Instead, they help you work through it with compassion.

They Work to Help You Stay Together — Not Just “Manage the Breakup”

One of the clearest signs that you’ve found a therapist who truly understands couples is their commitment to helping you stay together, not subtly steering you toward separation. While a good therapist will never force a relationship to continue if it’s unhealthy or unsafe, they also don’t treat struggles as automatic signs that the marriage is doomed.

Instead, they come from a place of hope, assuming that most relationships can heal with the right tools, effort, and understanding. They explore what brought you together, what still exists between you, and what can be rebuilt. They believe in reconciliation where it’s possible and help you fight for your relationship, not just within it. If your therapist seems more invested in helping you reconnect than just exit gracefully, that’s a strong sign you’re with someone who truly understands the heart of couples work.

Marriage counselling can be one of the most transformative experiences in a relationship, but only when you’re in the hands of someone who genuinely understands the complexity of couplehood. The right therapist doesn’t just offer advice; they become a guide, helping you and your partner rediscover each other, repair emotional wounds, and rebuild the connection that brought you together in the first place.

If you find yourself leaving sessions feeling heard, challenged, and more hopeful than when you walked in, chances are you’ve found the right match. And in therapy, just like in love, the right match makes all the difference.

In today’s fast-paced and often stressful world, mental health has taken centre stage. More people are turning to therapy as a way to better understand themselves, manage their emotions, and lead more fulfilling lives. One of the most well-known and widely used approaches is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). But as therapy continues to evolve, a newer approach known as Positive CBT has begun to gain attention. So, what exactly is Positive CBT, and how does it differ from traditional CBT? This is explained by India’s top marriage counsellor and CBT Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)?

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT, is a structured, short-term therapy that focuses on the connection between thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. It’s based on the idea that negative patterns of thinking can lead to emotional distress and unhelpful behaviours. By identifying and challenging these patterns, individuals can learn to think more clearly and behave more constructively.

For instance, someone struggling with self-doubt might constantly think, “I always mess things up.” CBT would help them recognise this thought, question its accuracy, and replace it with something more realistic, such as, “I’ve made mistakes, but I’ve also done things well.”

CBT is highly effective for treating conditions like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and more. Its structured, goal-oriented nature makes it easy to apply in both short- and long-term therapy.

What is Positive CBT?

While traditional CBT focuses on correcting what’s wrong, Positive CBT takes a different route—it builds on what’s already right. It draws from the field of positive psychology and aims to help individuals not only reduce distress but also thrive emotionally and psychologically.

In Positive CBT, the therapist helps the client identify personal strengths, values, and moments of success. Rather than focusing solely on symptoms or dysfunction, it emphasises hope, growth, and possibility. Clients might explore questions like: What does my best self look like? What brings me meaning? When have I felt proud or capable?

The same techniques used in CBT—such as journaling, thought records, and goal setting—are still used, but they’re reframed through a more optimistic and forward-looking lens.

How does Positive CBT help couples therapy?

Positive CBT is especially impactful in the context of couples therapy. Relationships often suffer when partners focus too much on problems—what’s going wrong, what’s missing, or who’s at fault. While addressing conflicts is important, Positive CBT adds another layer by helping couples rediscover what’s working.

In couples therapy, this approach encourages partners to recognise each other’s strengths, revisit shared values, and rebuild emotional connection. Instead of getting stuck in cycles of blame or criticism, couples are guided to focus on gratitude, empathy, and shared positive experiences.

Therapists might ask questions like:

• What first drew you to your partner?
• What strengths do you bring to the relationship?
• When do you feel most connected or supported by each other?

By reinforcing the positive aspects of the relationship and building on shared successes, couples are often better able to handle challenges together. It transforms the tone of therapy from fixing a broken bond to strengthening a meaningful one.

Positive Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a powerful evolution of traditional CBT. While classic CBT focuses on managing symptoms and solving problems, Positive CBT goes a step further—it empowers people to lead richer, more meaningful lives.

Whether applied to individuals seeking personal growth or couples looking to reconnect, Positive CBT promotes resilience, optimism, and deeper relationships. It helps us not only cope with the world as it is, but also shape it into the one we want to live in—starting from the inside out.

In our fast-paced, digitally connected world, it’s ironic how often we can feel disconnected — not from others, but from ourselves. You may find yourself going through the motions of daily life, ticking off tasks, attending meetings, chatting with friends — yet feeling a persistent void within. This emotional hollowness, often hard to describe, is more common than you think. And it deserves your attention, says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, one of India’s leading relationship experts and marriage counsellors.

What Is the Feeling of Emptiness?

Emptiness is not just about being bored or sad. It’s a deeper, more lingering state of emotional numbness or a sense that something crucial is missing in your life. You may feel emotionally drained, disconnected from yourself or others, or like you’re simply existing rather than living. People describe it as a “void,” “blank space,” or even like “floating in a bubble” that separates them from reality.

This internal vacuum isn’t always dramatic or obvious. In fact, it can subtly shape your thoughts and behavior — causing you to lose interest in things you once loved, feel detached in relationships, or struggle with motivation. It’s often tied to issues like unresolved trauma, depression, anxiety, grief, or even a lack of purpose or self-worth.

Why Might You Feel Empty Inside?

Unresolved emotional pain can quietly build up over time. We often suppress difficult emotions like grief, heartbreak, rejection, or trauma, believing it’s easier than facing them. But these unresolved experiences can eventually leave us feeling empty.

A lack of purpose or meaning is another common cause. When life becomes routine, without any direction or deeper motivation, a sense of hollowness can creep in. Even when everything looks fine on the outside — a job, social life, or achievements — the inside may still feel unfulfilled.

Feeling emotionally disconnected from others can also lead to this void. You might be surrounded by people yet feel isolated, especially if your interactions lack depth or authenticity. When we don’t feel truly understood or accepted, loneliness can quickly turn into emptiness.

Low self-worth plays a significant role too. When we constantly feel inadequate or not “enough,” it erodes our inner foundation. This often comes from childhood conditioning, societal expectations, or toxic relationships that make us question our value.

In many cases, this feeling is linked to mental health conditions like depression or anxiety. These aren’t just emotional states — they involve real chemical and neurological factors that impact how we feel, think, and relate to the world.

How to Address the Feeling of Emptiness?

Start by acknowledging your feelings. Don’t try to push them away or distract yourself with overworking, scrolling, or binge-watching. Instead, sit with the emotion and accept that it’s okay to feel this way. Recognising your pain is the first step toward healing.

• Explore what might be at the root of this feeling. Ask yourself reflective questions: When did this start? What changed? Are there emotional wounds I’ve avoided confronting? Writing in a journal or talking with someone you trust can help clarify your inner state.

• Look for meaning in small things. It doesn’t have to be life-changing. Purpose can come from creative hobbies, spending time in nature, volunteering, or simply nurturing relationships. Little acts of intention can start filling the empty space inside.

• Nurture emotional connections. Try opening up to someone about how you’re feeling — vulnerability creates room for genuine connection. Seek out communities or support groups where you can be your authentic self. Feeling seen and heard can be incredibly healing.

• Take care of your mental health. If this feeling continues to interfere with your life, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist or counsellor. They can guide you through the process of understanding and healing. Reaching out is not weakness — it’s courage.

Above all, be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself gently, like you would to someone you love. You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to take time to find your way back to emotional fullness.

Feeling empty inside doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It means your inner self is asking to be heard, nurtured, and understood. When you stop ignoring that quiet voice and start listening with compassion, you’ll begin to rediscover meaning, connection, and the fullness of being alive.

When relationships start feeling rocky, a lot of people begin searching for professional help. That’s usually when terms like couples therapy and marriage counselling start popping up. At first glance, they seem like the same thing, right? After all, both involve two people sitting down with a professional to talk through their relationship issues.

But here’s the thing—while the two are definitely similar, they’re not quite the same. And the confusion is completely understandable. Even therapists sometimes use the terms interchangeably. But suppose you’re thinking about seeking help. In that case, it’s worth knowing what sets them apart—because the right kind of support can make all the difference, says one of India’s top Gottman-certified couples therapists, Shivani Misri Sadhoo. First, let us clear up the fundamentals.

What is Marriage Counselling?

Marriage counselling is typically designed for married couples or partners in long-term committed relationships, who are dealing with specific, current problems. This could be anything from frequent arguments and lack of communication to disagreements about parenting, finances, or even emotional distance. The idea here is to help couples navigate through rough patches and find better ways to connect.

Think of it like a relationship first-aid. It’s often short-term and focused on resolving a particular issue. A marriage counsellor usually helps both partners improve communication, understand each other better, and rebuild trust. The overall goal is to restore balance and strengthen the relationship so that it can move forward in a healthier way.

What is Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy, on the other hand, goes much deeper. It’s not just about solving a problem—it’s about understanding why that problem exists in the first place. This kind of therapy explores the emotional and psychological patterns that are playing out in the relationship. Sometimes that means revisiting past experiences, personal traumas, or long-standing habits that keep showing up in conflicts.

Couples therapy is usually a longer process and tends to be more intensive. It’s ideal for couples dealing with chronic conflict, emotional disconnection, or those who feel stuck and unsure about the future of their relationship. A couples therapist helps partners dig into their emotional world and figure out not just what’s going wrong—but why.

What is the difference between couples therapy and marriage counselling?

The biggest difference between marriage counselling and couples therapy lies in their focus. Marriage counselling is more about present-day problems and practical solutions—it helps couples communicate better, handle conflict, and find common ground. Couples therapy, meanwhile, focuses on the emotional and psychological layers of the relationship. It aims to uncover deep-rooted patterns that often go unnoticed but continue to affect the way partners relate to each other.

In terms of duration, marriage counselling is usually short-term and goal-oriented, perfect for couples looking to fix a specific issue. Couples therapy is more of a long-term process that requires patience and self-reflection.

The approach is different too. Marriage counselling is often solution-focused and includes tools or techniques to improve communication. Couples therapy leans more toward emotional healing, helping both individuals understand their own feelings and how those feelings shape the relationship dynamic.

Marriage counselling is best suited for couples who are committed and facing challenges they want to overcome together. Couples therapy is ideal for those in more serious distress, where the issues run deeper, and the emotional connection needs rebuilding.

In the End, It is About What You Need

Both marriage counselling and couples therapy can be incredibly helpful, but they serve different purposes. If your relationship is facing a specific hurdle and you’re both ready to work through it, marriage counselling might be the way to go. But if things feel heavier, more emotionally complex, or you’re struggling to even communicate, couples therapy might offer the deeper support you need.

No matter which path you choose, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not failure. Relationships aren’t always easy, but the right kind of support can bring clarity, healing, and a whole new way of understanding each other.

We live in an era where relationships are no longer confined to traditional definitions. Love, commitment, and companionship have taken on various forms, often influenced by social media, dating apps, and evolving societal norms.

From situationships to ghosting, breadcrumbing to benching, modern relationship dynamics have become increasingly intricate. The once-clear distinction between casual and serious commitments has blurred, making many wonder: Are people afraid of long-term relationships? Can there be a relationship devoid of emotions?

If you’ve ever pondered whether such a connection is possible, psychologist and eminent relationship counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo sheds light on the concept of no-strings-attached (NSA) relationships and what they truly entail. 

What does No Strings Attached mean?

A “no strings attached” (NSA) relationship is all about passion without the weight of commitment. Whether romantic, sexual, or business-related, it thrives on mutual consent, freedom, and zero expectations. Think of it as an endless honeymoon phase—carefree, fun, and pressure-free—where no one anticipates a fairytale ending, just the joy of the moment.

What is the Psychology behind No Strings Attached?

The psychological factors that probably contribute to NSA are:

• Avoiding Emotional Vulnerability: Setting clear boundaries helps individuals protect themselves from potential hurt or disappointment if feelings develop.

• Freedom and Exploration: Allows both partners to experiment with different sexual dynamics and desires without the pressure of commitment.

• Emotional Independence: Ideal for those prioritizing personal growth or busy lifestyles, as it offers emotional freedom without the responsibilities of a committed relationship.

• Managing Expectations: Clearly defining the relationship as “no strings attached” minimizes misunderstandings about commitment levels.

• Individualistic Focus: Encourages prioritizing personal needs and desires over a partner’s, emphasizing personal agency and freedom.

• Exploration and Sexual Satisfaction: Provides a safe space to explore physical desires, experiment with preferences, and boosts sexual confidence.

What do You Gain in No Strings Attached?

1. No Need To Commit – If you are someone who isn’t ready to settle down, an NSA relationship can be ideal. With no pressure to commit, it offers convenience, freedom, and enjoyment without relationship-based responsibilities. There’s no exclusivity unless agreed upon, allowing individuals to engage with multiple partners. It’s a carefree way to explore connections without long-term obligations or vows.

2. Time is not a Constraint – In today’s fast-paced world, time is a luxury. An NSA (No Strings Attached) relationship offers the advantage of flexibility, allowing individuals to connect without the pressure of strict schedules or long-term commitments. Unlike traditional relationships, NSA interactions fit seamlessly into busy lifestyles, ensuring enjoyment without overwhelming obligations. With no need to coordinate availability, partners can focus on shared moments without sacrificing personal or professional priorities.

3. Self-Exploration – It helps you explore different relationship dynamics without commitment, giving insight into what you truly value in a partner. By experiencing various interactions, you become aware of traits you appreciate and those you cannot tolerate. This freedom boosts confidence, enhances communication, and allows self-discovery. A no-strings-attached arrangement helps you assess what works for you, ensuring you make informed choices when seeking a meaningful future relationship.

What Do We Lose?

1. Emotional Turmoil – The biggest drawback of an NSA relationship is the risk of emotional pain. When feelings get involved, someone often ends up hurt, feeling used or unvalued. If one partner develops deeper emotions while the other doesn’t, it leads to heartbreak. Though NSA relationships start with no expectations, they can still result in conflict and painful endings, making emotional detachment difficult in the long run.

2. Low Self-esteem – A “No Strings Attached” (NSA) relationship can negatively impact self-confidence by causing emotional detachment and feelings of being “used.” The lack of commitment may lead to anxiety, rejection fears, and self-doubt, especially if one person develops deeper feelings. Studies link casual sex to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. While NSA can boost confidence temporarily, it often undermines self-worth in the long run.

3. Negative Impact on Mental and Physical Health -Casual relationships might seem risk-free, but they come with hidden health risks. Without commitment or accountability, the chances of STIs increase due to a lack of exclusivity. Another overlooked aspect is sexual aftercare—emotional and physical support after intimacy. In committed relationships, partners naturally care for each other’s well-being, but in casual encounters, this essential care is often missing, affecting both physical and emotional health.

In a nutshell, NSA relationships offer freedom, excitement, and self-exploration without the weight of commitment. However, they come with emotional risks, potential self-esteem issues, and health concerns. While they suit some, they may not be for everyone. Understanding personal boundaries and expectations is key to making informed choices in modern relationship dynamics.

Once the dating phase is over and you’re ready to take the big step into marriage, your mind is bound to be filled with questions. From financial responsibilities to emotional compatibility, family expectations, and future planning, there’s so much to consider before saying, “I do.” Even if you’ve touched upon some of these topics, there are still important conversations to have—especially before you embark on your honeymoon.

The honeymoon isn’t just a time for travel and romance; it’s an opportunity to understand your partner in a new light truly. This phase sets the foundation for your married life, allowing you to observe each other’s habits, expectations, and emotional needs in a more intimate setting.

What are the key things couples need to discuss before their honeymoon?

Shivani Misri Sadhoo, Delhi’s top marriage counsellor, and couples therapist shares seven essential things that every couple should discuss before their honeymoon.

Money Matters

Setting a budget before heading on your honeymoon is a must. It helps you enjoy your trip without financial stress. Consider travel, accommodation, food, and activities while planning. Don’t forget extra costs like shopping for loved ones.

Unexpected expenses can come up, so keep a little extra aside. A well-planned budget ensures a smooth and memorable honeymoon without overspending or regrets later. Smart planning makes the trip more enjoyable.

Choose Your Destination Wisely

Choosing the right honeymoon destination is crucial for a memorable start to your journey together. You may dream of adventure—skydiving, scuba diving, or trekking—while she longs for a peaceful beach retreat, watching waves dance like fairies in a folktale.

If expectations don’t align, disappointment may follow. Sit down, discuss, and find a destination that excites both of you. A well-planned honeymoon ensures happiness, harmony, and cherished moments that last a lifetime.

Talk About The Menstrual Cycle

Talking about the menstrual cycle before your honeymoon is essential for a smooth and comfortable trip. It helps both partners set expectations and plan activities accordingly. Some women experience cramps, mood swings, or fatigue, which can affect their enjoyment. Knowing the cycle dates allows better scheduling and avoids unexpected stress.

If the honeymoon coincides with her period, discussing options like medication, rest, or adjusting plans ensures a stress-free experience. Open communication strengthens understanding, care, and intimacy in the relationship.

Birth Control

Another important topic to discuss before your honeymoon is birth control. Planning ahead can help prevent unwanted pregnancies, reducing physical, emotional, and financial stress. Sharing responsibility for birth control strengthens your relationship and ensures peace of mind. It’s important to talk about your options and decide what works best for both of you. Some methods take time to become effective, so early planning is key. After all, you want to focus on enjoying your honeymoon without worries.

Set Boundaries

When you set boundaries in a relationship, it is not about restricting each other but about creating a safe and respectful space. Both partners should decide together what is acceptable and what is not. Open discussions about privacy, intimacy, and social interactions help avoid misunderstandings.

This is especially important before a honeymoon, where clear expectations about personal space, finances, and activities prevent conflicts. Talking about comfort levels ensures a stress-free and enjoyable time together, strengthening the bond.

Likes and Dislikes

Do you want your honeymoon to be a dream come true rather than a stressful trip filled with disagreements? Understanding each other’s preferences, likes, and dislikes is the key. Before setting off, couples should openly discuss what they want to do, see, and eat.

This helps avoid misunderstandings and ensures both partners feel included. When both know what the other enjoys, they can plan activities that suit their interests, making the trip more fun, memorable, and fulfilling for both.

Shared Values

If you really want your honeymoon to be the start of a strong and lasting marriage, deep conversations about values are a must. You and your partner won’t agree on everything, and that’s okay. What matters is understanding each other’s perspectives and respecting differences. Shared values don’t mean identical opinions but rather a common understanding of what truly matters. This helps build trust, avoid unnecessary conflicts, and create a bond that can withstand life’s ups and downs.

A honeymoon is more than just a getaway—it’s the first step in your married journey. Open conversations about money, travel plans, health, boundaries, and values create a strong foundation for a happy marriage. When couples understand and respect each other’s needs, they build trust, deepen love, and create memories that last a lifetime.