Are you among those romantics who firmly believe in saving the best for the last and what is to do the final act solely on your marital bed? Or have the raging hormones gotten the better of you and you cannot wait to get into a physical relationship before marriage?
What is more imperative- the ingrained doctrines of society or the natural instincts of your body which are desperate to feel the passion and fulfilment of uniting with your beloved’s mind, body, and soul?
Yes, we do believe that girls or boys staying a virgin is a personal choice. But it is simply fair that you think and decides what you believe to be the finest course for you.
How does a physical relationship before marriage impact you both psychologically and physically and how and what are its ramifications in the context of your future partner? Is a physical relationship before marriage good or bad? Genuinely saying, there are both pros and cons to an intimate physical relationship prior to marriage in India.
And it is always best to get to know the pros and cons prior to you diving head-first into a physical relationship before marriage says marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo. In India, specifically, getting physically intimate before marriage is still looked down upon, compared to the western world. Also, pretty often we hear stories of women who are caught at this crossroads.
While every cell in their body is shouting to give in to the longing for physical intimacy, they still refrain as they feel guilty, confused, and fear that getting physically intimate may change their equation with their beloved. Here, India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares ways a physical relationship before marriage may affect your relationship.
Getting physically intimate makes the relationship stronger
Physical intimacy boosts emotional bonds. You see different sides to your partners in this very intimate act that you would not otherwise. How gentle or assertive they are, how much they care about their partner’s needs, how receptive they are to what brings them pleasure, and other factors.
In the act of making love, lovers bare everything to each other and share something that sets them apart from the others. Regular sessions of lovemaking help them to get to know each other better. Long chats post a fulfilling session are something that even therapists recommend to boost closeness. You are most vulnerable post sharing a physically intimate experience with your partner and wish to commit yourself to them, mind, body, and soul.
Is getting physically intimate before marriage ensures success?
It is not a given that the first session will be a total success. It takes some time and patience and practice to understand how to provide maximum pleasure to each other. This is usually, something that takes plenty of exploring. Lovemaking before marriage gives you an opportunity to share your adventures and fantasies and see if the two of you are somewhat on the same page.
This could be a smart way to eliminate mismatched sex drives and poor sex lives. Remember, getting physically intimate is incredibly important to plenty of people, and, for most couples, physical compatibility is necessary for a great marriage.
But then, there is also a possibility you may get cheated and your partner may decide not to marry you while making love prior to getting married. So, it may leave a bitter experience that is sometimes very difficult to overcome. Thus, success is unpredictable.
You might be giving everything that you have
One big advantage of having a physical relationship prior to your marriage is that, by nature, getting physically intimate, two people start as an upward curve that flattens into a plateau, and then goes for a downward slide. Unless the couple takes steps to make certain the zing stays alive.
A dead bedroom syndrome is a very real fear and it can falsely lead you to think that the two of you are not physically compatible with each other. Something that happens naturally could seem like a flaw in the relationship.
Because getting intimate has become boring you may move on to the next person and actually miss out on what could have been a great relationship.
If you are considering getting intimate before your marriage remember to discuss this curve with your partner and if possible also save a few tricks that you can experiment with at a later stage during your relationship.
You may get pregnant
This is not a motive to scare you, but even if you have taken all the precautions there are still possibilities that you could get accidentally pregnant. This might force the two of you to make choices whether you are not ready to make them. If you do wish to go ahead with the pregnancy and the marriage you could be quite well sitting with a bump on your marriage day which could be one of your worst fears.
Perhaps in most fearful situations, the man may not be ready for getting married or having a baby. If your family and his, firmly believe in the no-abortion principle you may see your career and life being cut short due to an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy.
You may not proceed further in a relationship
Every relationship does not end up in marriage. This is why getting into love making before marriage could land you in trouble, particularly in a society like ours. “Waiting until marriage” is a cultural phenomenon, if not for the many people in your generation, then the one above yours. Indian society is still in a phase of transition. Another thing to consider is whether your man is in a relationship with you simply because he loves you or because he just lusts for you.
Sometimes many men simply want a relationship is getting physically intimate. Make certain you understand what is going on in your relationship. There is nothing wrong if you wish the same too, but you should have your situation and priorities clear. Are you fine with a love-making act before your marriage, even if it does not end up in a marriage? If your answer is yes, then there is nothing to worry about.
Your partner might be satisfied with merely a relationship and may not wish it to go any further. Or you might feel you two are not physically compatible and take a call to call off the relationship. But this is for some perhaps better than having a sexually frustrating married life.
So is it wrong or right to get physically intimate before your marriage? The answer completely depends on your choices and their consequences. It all depends on what you feel is right for you. If you are fine with being in a physical relationship before your marriage, then you may go for it, keeping in mind how much it impacts your relationship, it’s future of it, and other aspects of your life.
If you are thinking of forming a future with your present beau, then keep these points in your mind before moving forward with your partner. Here is some advice from top marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo couples could go for premarital counselling before marriage on other issues as well. You can also book a session with couples therapist Shivani today.