Category Archive : counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Ways to Change the Dynamics in an Abusive Relationship

Partners in abusive relationships undergo never-ending trauma. These relationships can seriously undermine your self-esteem, but some individuals come to them with low self-esteem already, because of the trauma or dysfunctional parenting during their childhood. They believe that they are actually inferior and that what they feel, think, and want is less essential than what others do. That is their hidden shame.

As a result, they keep an unconscious belief that they do not really deserve to be loved simply for who they are, but that they need to earn love. This causes fundamental insecurity and fear of being abandoned.

Abuse and withholding love places partners in a reactive mode, focusing on their partner, walking over eggshells, and trying to hide who they are. They consistently try to control the uncontrollable, sacrifice their interests, and try hard to please others and feel accepted.

Few abusers fluctuate between idealizing-caring and devaluing-rejecting behavior. Rather than acting needy, other abusers act either demandingly needy or needless. They are callous and can be remote and emotionally cold. Some could show friendliness toward their partner, while others are consistently critical and contemptuous.

The dynamics in an abusive relationship increase partners’ stress and escalate their efforts to appease and help their partner. Over time, the truth of the addict or personality disordered individual begins to infect the partner’s self-concept and perceptions of reality, also. Their self-esteem is degraded, and they become anxious and drained attempting to abate a crisis, avoid abuse, and hold the relationship together.

The more partners do this, the worse things become. They deny their own sorrows and prevent the abuser from taking accountability for their behavior, needs, and feelings and from availing help. This is called enabling. Moreover, denial blinds them to the point that their beliefs and behavior contribute to their own unhappiness and that they have choices to change.

Today, Delhi based Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tell about the ways to change the dynamics of an abusive relationship.

The trick is doing just the opposite of what comes naturally to victims of abuse. Here are some ways.

Avail Support

First and most importantly is not to isolate. It is difficult—virtually impossible—to alter the dynamics in abusive relationships without external support. Avail support to see another view of truth, because partners become isolated and confused due to the attacks, threats, and manipulated reality of the abuser.

Focus on Your Recovery

Change does not really start until partners pay attention to their own recovery, not in transforming the other person, over whom they are essentially powerless. This does not mean that they do not have any power or option, but itis over their own actions and lives.

Detach

Detaching does not need leaving or being aloof. It is like having an invisible, protecting strength field. Rather than reacting, you detach and do not react to what other person decides to throw at you just because they are uncomfortable in their own skin. You start to realize that although their words may hurt, they are not real.

Learn and Accept

It is essential to learn all you can about abuse. Learning about it and accepting the reality at a deep level lets you come out of denial.

Meet Your Requirements

You start to honor what you need, feel, and want. You meet those requirements from people who are safe and supportive. This will boost your self-esteem. You no longer feel or think like a victim and become empowered.

Become Assertive

As your self-worth increases, you learn to be assertive. Your horizons improve, and you ask for what you need and set restrictions on what you do not. This is not easy, but your courage helps and grows in recovery. You can get strong enough to leave or suggest that your partner get treatment.

Even when you stay in the relationship, you find that your life is happier, because you have taken control of your own self-esteem and sense of well-being.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Beware Your Bedroom May be Sabotaging Your Quality Sleep

Do you usually feel tired after waking up and frequently miss quality sleep? Even though you are not using gadgets in your bed and lately, consume less caffeine at night, and generally go to your bed on time. Then it’s time you take a careful look at your bedroom, as Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo suggests that your bedroom condition can impact your sleep quality due in these many ways: –

Avoid Clutter

A cloth-stand with laundry clothes in your bedroom, toys spread on your dressing table, a corner tool covered with few cloths – has the potential to affect your sleep quality. Yes, the research has identified that clutter in your bedroom can subconsciously increase your stress and anxiety, and a cleaner, more organized room tends to create a sense of peace.

Be careful with wall colours 

We generally perceive wall colours have a universal impact on an individual’s moods but that’s not always true. Every person can react differently to a different colour, for example, shades of blue are often considered the most calming and peaceful for wall colour but some people find blue to be sad instead of tranquil. Thus, evaluate your bedroom wall colours, and try different colours.

Sneaky light

Darkness is an important tool to help activate melatonin (a hormone that helps the body feel sleepy). Any kind of light source can suppress this hormone and can make you feel more alert. Hence your bedroom may be hiding your sleep culprit in the form of the thinner window curtain, glowing LED clock, or the charging light from your laptop charger.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Things Happily Married Couples Do Before Going To Sleep

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Sometimes remaining happy in a relationship can be tricky but with a trust that has developed over the years remaining happy is not that difficult at all. After all love, trust and compatibility play a big role in being happy as a couple.

Though there are no secrets or formulas for remaining happily married there are certain things that can ensure a merry time for the couples. And definitely some habits before going to sleep are some of those.

In this article, Delhi’s Best Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares things happily married couples do before going to sleep.

They Go To Bed At The Same Time

Keep in mind that, a couple that sleeps together remains together. Thanks to your busy schedules, you hardly get time to spend with each other. In fact, a few couples, who have a different working schedule, may even go to bed at different times. However, it is important for couples to go to sleep at the same time, which helps them to keep intact the warmth and intimacy in their relationship.

They Do Not Attend To Phone Calls Or Texts

Smartphones are both a blessing and a curse in your life. Your overdependency on your phones, particularly social media, can affect your lives and those around you. This is the reason why several couples who enjoy a happy marital life, keep their phone on silent or attend to calls only when it is a real urgency after they go to bed.

They Do Not Bring Their Work To The Bedroom

If you are somebody who continuously thinks about office work on your laptop or phone even minutes while going to bed, you need to alter this habit as quickly as you can. People who think about work past bedtime is less possible to have a happily married life.

They Do Not Go To Bed Angry

This is one trait that happily married couples are seen doing. They seldom go to bed angry. Even if they had a fight or an argument, they make it sure to resolve it. Harboring negative emotions while going to sleep not only impacts your health but also affects your peace of mind in a negative manner.

Keeps Their Bedroom Clutter And Gadget Free

The bedroom is the only place where a couple gets the chance to spend time with each other without any disturbances. This is the sole reason why married couples keep their bedroom clutter and gadget-free ends up spending some quality time in each other’s company.

THINGS A REAL MAN DOES WHEN HE IS INTO A RELATIONSHIP

A few women feel a real man do not exist, that he is impossible to get. Some women do not want somebody like him. On the other hand, many men think they are the best definition of a real man.

While some men feel there is no such thing. One thing is sure, though, those men who think they are the actual definition of a real man and those who believe they are not very often wrong.

If you want to know that you are a real man or are in a relationship with a real man, look out the actions. A real man behaves very differently from the selfish boy types you get to everywhere that you cannot fail to notice the difference.

He is a complete gentleman, good for more than just the first initial months. Essentially, a real man does things so nicely when he is into a relationship that one just has to love him and his style.

Delhi’s Top Marriage Counsellor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this article talks about the things a real man does when he is into a relationship.

He Loves And Respects His Woman For What She Is

He may not love her all the time, but he loves her. Not only her body, her possessions, and her status, but entre of her. He knows that as beautiful as her body is at present, physical beauty fades. Thus, he focuses his love and attention on her true beauty, which is found inside her sensibilities and personality. He treats her like a lady, with great dignity and respect. He never minds cooking her favorite food, taking her out to dinner and paying the bills. He also expects love and respect from her.

Commits To The Relationship Completely

He never cheats. He is loyal to his partner and understands that relationships take hard work to keep it strong and healthy. His affection for his woman is a full-time commitment. He nourishes and boosts the relationship through ongoing, honest interaction and teamwork. When you are with a real man, you know you can trust the man. He will stay faithful does not matter what and expects you to do the same.

Protects His Woman Physically And Emotionally

It is not that a woman cannot protect and defend herself, but he is there for her anyways. He protects her in several ways, including providing financial security and comforting her and making her feel that things will be okay. He is ready to throw a good punch if required to defend her from physical aggressors. However, he thinks before he acts. He never makes a move until he is sure about all details and specifics are in order. His moves are analytic, deliberate and certain. Abuse of any kind is not an issue when you are with him. He is considerate and treats everybody kindly.

He Fulfils His Partner Mentally And Sexually

He knows that most of the time in any relationship is spent doing non-physical, non-sexual things. Apart from whispering to her how beautiful she is or how he is going to make passionate love to her when he gets back home during the evening, he also engages his partner in meaningful discussions about life plan with her, and cracks joke to ease up and liven moments together. He shows awareness, intelligence, and sensitivity that makes his acts not only timely but also genuinely charming.

He Takes Responsibility For Each Actions And Decisions

He does not put blame on his partner or try to defend his mistakes. He acknowledges when he has committed a mistake apologizes for it, learns from it and acts to make it right. Apologizing is not an issue with him. He knows it does not make him any less of himself to say it. In fact, apologizing makes him more of a man because it shows he has the confidence, courage, and integrity to admit his faults and looks to correct them.

He Always Speaks His Mind

He is not afraid or worried to say what is on his mind. He will say no without any fear whenever he does not agree with something. He will debate with you on topics he is not comfortable with without losing his temper. He will be honest and talk to you like an equal, then allow you to have your own conclusions or take whatever action you may want. This does not mean he is indifferent or treats his partner badly. He simply does not agree with her on everything. He understands a Yes-man is no man at all.

He Stands Up For His Relationship

At times friends, family and even strangers ask inappropriate things or make improper remarks about your relationship, like saying you are not a good couple. In those cases, a real man stands up for himself and his partner and defends the legitimacy and integrity of the relationship. Even when they are his peers, he speaks up and stands his ground to protect his relationship. This says he can express himself in the presence of others, protect his woman and act as an authoritative man.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP HABITS, THAT MAJORITY OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINK ARE TOXIC

Being in a toxic relationship is not never an easy task. Most of you want to get out of toxic work life, friendships and also relationships. However, when it comes to relationships, one needs to understand if the habits are really toxic.

Plenty of times you end up objectifying common habits and tendencies as toxic when in actuality they are not. After all, no relationship is perfect and at times all it needs is some time and reflection. While most of you want things to be scenic and romantic all the time, which in reality is not practical to attain.

Top Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about the healthy relationship habits, that the majority of people actually think they are toxic.

Hurting Feelings Of Each Other

Sometimes, you and your partner can hurt the feelings of each other. There are times when you have to tell your partner the fact, they do not want to hear. Rather than having a fake and pretentious relationship, it is vital, to be honest. If your partner provides you his/her honest opinion, it is fine to be hurt, but it is normal for the partner to maintain transparency.

Not Accepting The Flaws

The reality of every relationship is that nobody is perfect. Every individual has flaws and imperfections, the faster you accept, the better it is. If your partner accepts you with every flaw of yours, even you should too. Overlooking a few shortcomings can bring you two closer than ever.

Avoiding Conflicts

A majority of people want to avoid arguments, which is normal and fine. You need to understand that everything cannot be resolved by talking. Some conflicts simply happen and cannot be resolved. It is fine to ignore a few conflicts, instead of arguing and hurting each other anymore. As there is a saying, some battles are not worth fighting. All you require to understand is it worth fighting or not?

Taking Some Place

In this busy life, you cannot just focus on your partner. Everyone needs some time off even from a relationship. You cannot always be the escape zone for your better half. Sometimes, spending time apart is good, which will only make your relationship stronger in the future. If you or your partner wants to spend some time away, then it is fine. From old hobbies on a trip with your friends, spending some time away from your partner can help to bring back the spark.

Feeling Attracted To Someone Else

As much as you would like to believe that you can have attraction only for your significant one, human chemistry says otherwise. It is okay to find other people attractive, as it is biologically unavoidable. Once you get past the honeymoon phase, it is fine to feel attracted to each other. Liking someone is unavoidable and to act on it is your choice and conscience always.

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE MARRYING THE RIGHT PERSON

Marriage is a crucial stage in every individual’s life, it can be an exciting and enjoyable moment when you tie the knot with the right person. Else, it can be emotionally draining and physically stirring. Contrary to the fairy tale idea of weddings you grow up fantasizing, marriages in real life can be tricky and challenging.

Once you are through the honeymoon phase, only then you may face some uneasy situations that may force you to contemplate whether you have married the right person or not. Although there is no easy analysis assuring a compatible life partner.

In this article, Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counsellor, Relationship Expert, and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services Shivani Misri Sadhoo says the following factors while selecting a partner can be of great help. Here they are.

Values Matches

Though sharing the same love for a hobby or a passion for traveling can enhance your relationship, what really matters in a marriage is having some shared values. It means both must have similar socio-cultural, political beliefs, same value system to name a few. The fact that you need the same thing from life is a symptom that you believe in the same core values and are meant to be with each other. As you grow and evolve, your interests keep changing but the values that you hold do not change much if strongly held. Irrespective of your interests, shared values have a nice chance for a successful marriage. You do not have to agree on everything but if your values are out of line, you could need to reconsider the prospect of marriage.

Have Strong Trust

Trust lays the foundation of every relationship. When you trust your significant other, you have that freedom to be yourself, to share your thoughts and heart with your partner because you know what you share will always be valued and treasured. You can be honest about things without the requirement to hide them and that is a good sign. Without trust, you will feel fear and insecurities, hampering the potential of the relationship. It is, therefore, quintessential to know that the person you are going to marry is trustworthy prior you share your deepest feelings and experiences.

Healthy Level Of Independence

While you enjoy spending time with each other, your would-be spouse should have no issue with you spending time with other people or doing the things you enjoy. In a healthy relationship, both partners understand and respect that their partner needs time besides doing what they want to do. If someone is continuously relying on you for all their needs and demands then understand there is some problem down the line. Co-dependence on each other to an extent that you lose your autonomy is a bad sign. A self-assured person is confident and can take care of his/her own emotional needs.

Going Through A Rough Phase In Your Love Life?

Relationship Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares Some Small Gestures That Can Enhance Your Relationship

At times, falling in love and being in a relationship may seem easy in the beginning. But maintaining a relationship and sailing through all the rough water is a challenge that the majority of the couples face. Is there any magic formula that may help you make your relationship grow stronger? There are not really, but surely some gestures and acts can bring two individuals closer. In fact, the accumulation of small gestures has a greater impact on the happiness of the couple than big but less frequent gestures.

Shivani Misri Sadhoo who is a top Marriage Counsellor, Relationship Expert and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services talks about some of the small gestures that can enhance your relationship if you are going through a rough phase in your love life. Here, are some of them.

Compliment Your Partner, Genuinely

Compliments are a good way of letting your partner know that you still find him/her attractive. Sometimes, when you are with the same person for a significant time, you begin taking their efforts for granted. Why bury your love under the weight of your hectic schedule? Appreciate their efforts and achievements that you feel deserve recognition and compliment.

These small gestures are a strong way of showing that you are paying attention that will make them feel more valued.

Plan A Small Surprise

Spending months and years in a relationship, you become so comfortable in your own ways that you do not bother to express your love to the significant one. It does not imply that you do not love them anymore, it is a sign of stability. But should you allow the sparks to fly away by keeping it monotonous? At times, when words fall short to thank their presence in life, why not plan for small surprises? While spending lavishly is not necessary, surprise your partner with a gift or simply take them to a movie or dinner date. A small surprise will not only brighten their mood but will make them feel more loved.

Do A Random Act Of Kindness

Small gestures can make your partner really feel happy. Holding hands, preparing their favorite dish, assisting them to schedule an appointment or picking them up from the office are all small gestures of showing how deeply invested you are in this relationship. These are also a small indication that there is someone in the corner who pays attention to their daily needs.

Spend Good Time Together

Spending some worthy time together is a healthy way of keeping the spark alive in a relationship. Good time with your partner can be as easy as making an attempt to remain involved in each other’s lives, be it a walk, weekend drive or normal conversation about each other’s dreams and aspirations. As long as you can feel good around each other and give undivided attention to your significant one in things you do, it will be quality and a good time.

Reassurance

Everybody loves to be adored and a bit of reassurance is like an icing on the cake. You may think that your partner already knows how much you love him/her, but a reminder that you will always have their back will uplift their mood and make your bond even stronger. Letting your partner know how much you love them is always a good idea of showing your affection.

5 Creative Ways To Celebrate Your Anniversary This Year

Your wedding anniversary is quite special, an important occasion to celebrate with your partner. Though Valentine’s Day provides lovely alone time together, fun dates, and wonderful gifts, your anniversary is a moment that you and your partner get to spend celebrate each other and the bond you share without any guidelines and expectations. Your anniversary is supposed to be celebrated your way, by spending time together and doing things that are special and unique to both of you.

In this article, Shivani Misri Sadhoo who is Delhi’s top Marriage Counsellor, Relationship Expert and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services shares 5 creative ways to celebrate your anniversary this year. Here, they are.

Start A New Tradition

To add a twist, start something new to your anniversary celebration, you can begin a new ritual that you two would do each anniversary. For instance, you can make an anniversary journal in which each of you writes an entry every year, showcasing your celebration activities and new memories. You can also simple things as a bike ride downtown or having a bottle of wine that you can save to enjoy on your next anniversary. Another great way is to write love letters to each other that you will open and read on your next anniversary, throwing in any hopes or wishes you have for this next year together. Adding something new to your anniversary plan will allow you to have some structure to the day and look forward to next year’s celebration.

Opt For Romance Over Ritz

If you have had a handful of wedding anniversary celebrations with your spouse, chances are you have gone out for dinner or drinks several times over the past years. Make each year’s anniversary more special by planning an outing to a destination that has a special meaning for the two of you.

Perhaps it might be the place that serves your favorite ice cream, where you two had your first date or a restaurant that serves a meal you both have loved to eat. Even if it is as simple as enjoying a walk through the park where you first met, choosing an activity or place with a sentimental value over something fancy will truly make the evening wonderful.

Take A Walk Down Memory Lane

One of the finest ways to spend your anniversary is by sitting down with your spouse to remember and relive the special moments of your wedding day. Irrespective of whether it is your 5th or 15th wedding anniversary, your anniversary is the best time to open up your wedding album and laugh (or maybe for some happy tears) about the memories. Reliving those moments will make you feel strongly connected to each other and appreciative of the journey you both have made together.

Plan A Trip

Though it may not be realistic to pack your bags and book a flight and escape to an exotic destination, though it could be a great way to celebrate your wedding anniversary. But this can be done even with a small trip, even if it’s only for just a day. By getting out of your normal routines and spending some quality time together, you will be able to rekindle some passion while having fun exploring a new place. Escaping your everyday routine of life will allow you to enjoy some relaxation time and focus on each other. Plan a long drive, outdoor activity, or camping trip if you have less time.

Treat Yourself

If you 2 have been having an extra busy schedule for some time, make this moment a special time where you both can select an activity that will give you some much-needed relaxation time, while spending the day together. Book a table at a restaurant, take each other for shopping, or order food while you are indulged in your favorite movie. Whatever your way of treating yourself is, plan this time to unwind together.

Your anniversary is a cherish able time of the year where you can celebrate the relationship you two have worked so hard on and made so many wonderful memories. Along with the meaningful anniversary gifts you will present to one another, plan something special with these creative anniversary date ideas that will let you two to make memories and enjoy the immense amount of love you share for each other.

5 ESSENTIAL DO’S AND DON’TS FOR HAVING PRODUCTIVE ARGUMENTS

Every couple fight and have an argument, but not every fight has to be the finish of a relationship.

It’s inevitable that couples will argue and fight in a relationship is completely normal and expected.

Arguments happen in every relationship, even in the best ones, but how you argue is that matters.

In long-lasting, happy, and healthy relationships, both partners can use certain strategies to fight properly so they can disagree or express dissatisfaction or even get actually mad without hurting each other.

If your arguments or fights makes you or your partner feeling emotionally battered, bad about yourself, misunderstood, or resentful, then the way you are fighting could hurt your chances of staying together.

In this article, Shivani Misri Sadhoo who is Delhi’s best Marriage Counsellor talks about 5 essential do’s and don’ts for having productive arguments (and a long, happy relationship).

Phrase Your Dissatisfaction As A Complaint Not As A Contempt Or Criticism

When you make a complaint, you describe a certain behavior that you did not like, what you thought it meant, and how it made you feel. Then, you tell what you wish they would do instead.

It is not an assassination of character or an accusation. A complaint paves a way for a conversation about something that disturbed you. It leaves scope for the possibility that your interpretation was wrong and lets the other person clarify what they intended.

Here is an example when complaining: When you looked away from me while I was narrating you a story, I felt like you were not interested, and you thought I was irritating. I wish you had not suddenly look away and done other things while I am talking to you.

The receiver of these words could feel like their attention and opinions are essential.

Now an example of a criticism: You are so irritating when you turn away while I am talking.

Calling your partner irritating is a character assassination because it is not talking about the behavior, it is talking about the person.

Example of contempt: I am tired to death of trying to communicate with you when you keep looking here and there. It is useless. The receiver of this sentence could feel hated, not valued.

Stick To Single, Specific Incident

Never bring in other similar past incidents as evidence of a character flaw or shortcoming. That is not a way of resolving a problem.

Rather, when you are arguing, try to restrict the discussion to just one specific incident. It is more likely to end well because the receiver of the complaint will still feel generally valued and not like he/she has been accused of having a fatal, repeating flaw.

Begin With Hearing And Validating, When Receiving A Complaint

Always begin with at least one compassionate sentence when receiving a complaint. An angry person requires their point to be heard before they can listen.

A successful plan is to show that you understand what the angry person is saying by repeating and validating what they told. You will be surprised how much it actually defuses anger and calms people down.

It does not mean that you agree that their interpretation is right. You still have the right to disagree with your partner’s point of view and present yourself fairly. But, if you want your story to listen as well, then show them you are listening first.

Do Not Criticize Or Demonstrate Contempt

Criticism and contempt are both a form of character assassinations. Criticism is milder, contempt is more hateful. Either of these communicates dislike, disrespect, and is a guaranteed descent into a damaging fight.

If you phrase something as criticism or contempt, it obviously elicits defensiveness or retaliation from your partner. And there is no rerouting that conversation could go in a positive direction.

Do Not Mock Or Impersonate Your Partner Sarcastically

Never ever do this. It absolutely never has a good outcome. And it will make you seem like the bad guy.

Though it may appear like venting off some steam or might seem good to you, it feels extremely disrespectful, ridiculing, and hurtful to your partner.

Mocking or sarcastically impersonating your partner in distress is considered to be the kind of contempt that is a huge predictor of a breakup.

STEPS TO DEAL WITH EXPECTATIONS IN RELATIONSHIPS

Almost every individual is guilty of having some expectations or others in relationships. It is natural. What you do not want is to keep those expectations to yourself, because you will only set yourself ready for disappointment. After all, if your partner does not know what your wants and needs are, how can it be fulfilled by them?

In this article, Delhi’s best Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about steps to deal with expectations in relationships.

Claim It

First, take over complete responsibility for your own happiness. Understand that people cannot fulfill your life and make you happy. Irrespective of your dreams or excitement about your upcoming marriage, your would-be spouse is not responsible for making you happy or your honeymoon a hit according to your criteria.

Feel

Understand the feelings linked with unmet expectations, emotions like disappointment, frustration, hurt, and fear. How can you know if you have an unmet expectation? Disappointment. Whenever you feel disappointment in your relationship, then most likely some expectation has not been met. When expectations are met, partners feel satisfied, happy, gratified, fulfilled, contented, respected, cared for and loved. On the other hand, when expectations are not fulfilled or are in conflict, other less-pleasant emotions emerge. These feelings are a sign that expectations are not meshing. It is vital to understand what you are feeling, validate the feeling, and then loo to uncover the expectation on which it is based. In a few cases, your partner would not even know of the expectation; in fact, the only sign of its existence is its emotional effect.

Identify Them

Once you are aware of the feelings linked with unfulfilled expectations, then you can get the awareness required to make the needed adjustment. Awareness answers questions such as What was I expecting must happen? What I was wishing or hoping would take place?

What were my pre-assumptions about my partner and his or her behavior? Push yourself to have a hard look at your expectations. The logic of these questions is to think whether the answers to the questions are practical, productive, and workable. It is not that they are true or false, or correct or incorrect; rather, the answers are preferences, likes, or disbeliefs. The idea here is to help you to identify the misinterpretation, enabling you to alter your way of thinking.

Understand

From where are the expectations are coming? Do they have their origins in dreams, wishes, assumptions, hopes, standards, past relationships, your family of origin, culture, television or somewhere else?

Evaluate

Are your expectations valid or invalid? Challenge your expectations amongst yourself. Evaluation means that you decide if the expectations seem to be supported by purposeful reality.

Express

Keep in mind, that the ultimate aim of expectations is to make them clear. In simple words, make your unspoken desires spoken. Express your expectations with clarity. Sharing your expectations lets you define a mutual vision of how you want your future marriage to be. The best thing is that when you express your expectations, you let your partner decide if he or she can satisfy that requirement. He or she gets the chance to decide if the expectation can be met most of the time, sometimes, or never.