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REASONS MANY MARRIED WOMEN LOSE INTEREST IN PHYSICAL INTIMACY

If not everything but physical intimacy is an important part of marriage for a woman. These days, though, plenty of married women see sex as a discounted duty.

First of all, let’s address why not having sex in a marriage is a concern.

Marriage is more than a contract it’s a pledge. This means it’s not only a legally binding act, but it is also a complete personal act: emotional, mental, spiritual, physical and sexual. Therefore, all these components go into the relationship. Physical intimacy is an integral component. A marriage without sex is incomplete and robs both partners of all nature has to offer.

Intimacy between a husband and wife is special. It’s that one needs that only one other person gets to meet. And it is bought by a ring and a vow. This means that when a partner refuses sex they are giving an ultimate no as there should not be other alternatives available. Each intimate sexual experience where both people give themselves and to their spouse renews and refreshes that connection. The aim here is addressing when wives turn away from sex within a marriage This is a painful way of rejection in a society which judges women’s worth based on their appearance and shame for men who are not as sexually driven as some other men.

In this article, one of India’s best Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services, Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about reasons many married women lose interest in physical intimacy.

It Seems Optional

Women tend to be overwhelmingly busy in today’s society. Many of you work, manage finances, raise children, do exercise, shopping, cleaning, care for extended family, travel for work. Thus, become exhausted by day’s end that there’s little left of you– emotionally, mentally, physically or sexually. And husbands are often left to themselves. There are just so many demands that sex, since it looks optional, often slips down the ladder of priorities. Several wives don’t see sex as vital to a marriage.

Exhausted Out

Several young wives complain that they are completely sexed out. They had so much sex in their teens and twenties that they don’t want or need it now. And in the context of sex as just a physical act, that can make sense. But in marriage, it is not designed to be merely physical.  If you’re not in a committed relationship, and if you use protection, you can sleep with anyone, whenever. For this to be real, people learn to separate the emotional and spiritual side of their physical needs, leaving just the physical. This makes a dilemma for the marriages that often takes place years later. Healthy sex in a marriage asks physical, sexual and emotional vulnerability. Once a person turns off the emotions of getting physical, it’s difficult to turn it back on.

Resentment

Many women crave tenderness, help and time with their partner, and don’t get it. So when the husband turns up for the first time at day’s end wanting sex, the wife remembers all that he has not done for her of late.

Selfishness

Most people are self-centric. If you don’t want to, you won’t. If you don’t feel like it, then you don’t. In a successful marriage, there’s no space for selfishness. Women who experience their partner being selfish looks to become self-protective. And when one partner demands and does not give, it can become manipulative and abusive. Self-protective partners withdraw and withhold. Generally, it begins with emotional detachment, then at the intimacy level. Selfishness belittles, separates and ultimately divides a relationship. Relationships collapse when one or both of the partner is selfish.

Body

Many women do not always feel pretty, and that can get in the way of being getting physically intimate. A woman’s body along with her mind and emotions goes through a cycle of changes in a lifetime. Pregnancy, loss, stress, hormones can all change skin and weight. Women who see themselves as only how they appear mostly have difficulty offering their bodies sexually to their husbands. Also, there is a common myth in our culture that sex after a specific age is seen as not as fulfilling, especially as women deal with changes to their bodies and sexual response cycle following menopause.

Why Physical Intimacy In Marriage Is Worth It

It is designed for marriage, and marriage is designed to get physical love. It is something Nature created to put life and pleasure into a marriage. In a safe, developing relationship it’s not an obligation to perform, but a purposeful, intentional desire to grow closer to each other.

SIGNS THAT SOMEONE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU

Are you not sure if a person is or is not in love with you? Maybe you are with somebody who you think is in love with you but has not said those big 3 words yet? Some people can find it extremely difficult to say “I Love You”. However, it doesn’t always mean that they don’t. They may just show it in some different ways. It can be quite hard to know for sure if someone loves you, particularly when they don’t make it very obvious.

Sometimes, actions speak louder than words and you may be able, to tell the truth just by observing any nonverbal signs that your partner may be giving you.

There could be several reasons as to why your partner is holding back on saying the actual words, such as past relationships, not being able to open up easily and many more but they could be showing you in various ways.

In this article, Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counsellor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about signs that someone is in love with you.

The Way They Look At You

A major sign that someone is falling in love with you is through their eye contact. This is a nonverbal sign that means a lot, and reveal deeper feelings from your partner. When you catch your partner glancing over at you, or looking at you while you are talking, this may that they love spending time with you and are happy to be with you. Even when you are busy talking with someone else, you may still catch your partner looking at you and this can be a significant sign that they are in love with you and are really happy to be around you.

They Want To Take Care Of You

If your partner rushes to take care of you, whether you are ill or are in any difficult situation, this is a great sign that they love you.

If they ask you questions to check how you feel and if you need anything, this could be a way of saying that they love you, they want you to be fine and will ensure it.

Someone who loves another person will often look to care for them makes sure they are happy and be there when they need to be, so look for this sign in the person, as it is a great indicator that they might be in love with you.

They Respect Your Personal Space

If you feel like having personal space, they will make sure to give you some. Your partner should listen to you and understand that you need some space, which has to be respected. If your partner leaves you while you have some time to yourself, including not bothering you with messages or just showing up uninvited, then this can really show that they love you.

When someone knows that you need sometimes alone, even if it’s for 2 to 3 hours or maybe a few days, they will understand and respect your decision.

They Ask For Your Suggestion

When someone is in love, they will often hold their partner’s opinions and views very highly and always want their advice on important decisions. Your partner will ask for suggestion on certain things and they know that you will most likely give them good advice that will help them, and that represents a great deal of trust.

Whatever the situation; like something to do with their job, or if they need help with a particular problem, they will ask for your advice as they value your opinion.

They Will Make You Feel Good About Who You Are

It is always good to have someone who makes you feel good about yourself, even on your worst days. When your significant other cannot only make you happy normally but also make you feel good about yourself and who you are, it shows they respect your identity.

Your partner may not even know what they are doing, but the way they behave and act with you can have a great impact on your relationship, for all the correct reasons. When someone wants you to be happy with who you are and finds a method to do so, they may be in love with you.

They Will Drop Everything With You

When a person puts his own needs and wants to be with you, this can be a great sign that someone loves you. If you really care about someone, you are most likely be there when your partner needs you, even if this involves dropping and postponing everything you are doing at the time.

If someone does this for you, it shows that they want to support and comfort you when you actually need it, which is a signifies that they really care for you and your needs.

They Ask About Your Day

Generally, in relationships, you ask your partner how their day has been and want to know what they are up to. This proves that you care about your partner and what has either upset them or made them excited during their day. If your partner is showing interest in your day and what is occurring when they are not with you, this is an indicator of a loving relationship. It may be high or low points of your day, but whatever it is, they want to know and are eager to listen.

How to Create a Strong and Intimate Relationship?

Relationship Tips by Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Many of you believe that love should be similar to the kind of romance you see portrayed in movies, television, and storybooks. Due to this notion, you may feel that a romantic relationship are less if you do not experience this kind of fairy tale relationship.

Many a time you feel like if you can have a perfect prince or princess then life will be a lot easier. You will think that your life will be safer forever.

The reality is you did marry a prince or a princess but that person is also a human, who will have faults and shortcomings like any other person, does not matter how wonderful he or she is. You need to understand that at some point you have to let go of the unrealistic metaphor of romantic love in order to search true happiness.

So, how could you make relationships work and remain happy?

You need to begin with the understanding of what eternal love is and then redefine and update the romantic fairy-tale into a healthier kind of love.

Today, Delhi’s eminent marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo reveals how to create a strong, intimate relationship. Here they are. These will help you to create true intimacy, find real love and be truly happy in your relationship.

Use Relationships to Teach You How to Be Complete within

Relationships are not just about having another person fulfil you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently. By letting go of the romantic ideal of merging and becoming “ONE” to love the gaps in a relationship as much as the closeness.

Look Your Partner For Who He or She Really Is

The tragedy in romance happens when you look at the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to show, the idea of him or her. When you understand that more often than not you do not actually know your partner, you start to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.

Be Willing To Learn From Each Other

The idea is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the image of how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and pointing fingers, remain awake to what is yet to be healed in yourself.

Get Comfortable Being Alone

In order to accept that love cannot save you from being alone, try to learn to spend time being with yourself. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the core of the relationship, you will feel complete and happy.

Own Who You Are


We generally grasp at romantic love because we’re desiring for something that is beyond reach, something in our partner that we do not think we possess in ourselves. Sadly, when we finally get love, we discover that we have not got what we were looking for.

Understand that true love only exists by loving yourself first. You can get only from another person what you are willing to give yourself.

Embrace Ordinariness


Once the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we find ordinariness, and we often try to do everything we can to avoid it. The idea is to see that ordinariness can become the real “spice” of intimacy. The daily loveliness of sharing life with your partner can, and does, become extraordinary.

Monitor Closely Why a Fight May Start

Many couples create distance by fighting and then making up time and again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating scenes and escaping real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you will have a better sense of why you are fighting and are likely to fight less.

Expand Your Heart

One thing that unites us is that we all want to be happy. This happiness generally includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create true intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good inside you. It will be easier to identify the good in your partner when become connected to the good in yourself.

Focus on Giving Love

True happiness is not about feeling good about yourselves because other people love you this is more about how well you have loved yourselves and others. The unintentional result of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.

Let Go Of Expectations

You might look at things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will certainly cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in particular ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else. Create upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurture to yourself when you require it. This way you can allow love to come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.

These are some ways by exploring them you can create a strong and intimate relationship.

How To Repair A Collapsing Relationship?

There is an old saying that developing a relationship is easier than maintaining it. We are living in such a world now where relationships are becoming complex day by day. We often look to run away when it is the time to mend the relationships due to various reasons. But once a relationship is broken, it’s very hard to recover. Thus, it is very important to pay attention when you start to feel that your relationship is on the verge of collapsing. When you start observing that you are saying we need to talk more, it is a sure sign that relationship is collapsing. Thus, this becomes very important to repair a relationship before it becomes too late. You have to be patient and devoted to the problems that need to be taken care of.

Delhi’s Eminent Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares her insights on how to repair a relationship that is collapsing. These are:

Find Out The Reasons

Before you try to repair the loopholes of your relationship, you need to find out the root of the issues. If you observe a change in your partner’s behavior, try to find out the possible reasons behind it. Since, you are well aware of your partner’s interests and concern areas, finding out the reason and fixing the problem would not be a difficult task.

Enhance Your Communication

Before involving in an argument, try being a good listener. Always ensure that you always lend an ear to what your partner wants to say. Honestly saying, you cannot be the only one talking all the time. If you let your partner speak, it makes them feel valued and gives you an opportunity to understand the issues better.

Spend More Time With Each Other

Try spending a good time with each other. Even if it involves doing something which you do not like, put an effort. Spending more time with your partner will help you find out the real problem and then you can look for ways to resolve it.

Do Not Bring Up The Past

Even it is a past issue or a long-forgotten fight, avoid discussing the past. It will only make the situation difficult by blowing things out randomly. Pay attention to your present, address the complaints and try to resolve the causes that are ruining it. You will never be happy discussing what happened in the past.

Learn To Forgive

If you can forgive your partner, it will help you save your relationship. Repairing your bonding and connection issues is all about understanding each other and giving another opportunity. Forget what has happened and start afresh. It will help detox your mind and prevent the past from clouding your judgments.

Learn To Compromise

When you are in a committed relationship, it is also about making compromises. You cannot always have things as per your wishes. The earlier you accept this; the better opportunities you will have at repairing things. A relationship that is on the verge of collapsing requires more compromises than a healthy one.

Talk About Your Feelings

Never expect your partner to guess your emotions and thoughts. Rather, be vocal about your feelings. If you do not talk openly about your feelings, your partner will never be able to understand it. As a result, it will create a communication gap which would be be very tough to bridge.

How Parents Can Motivate Their Teenagers To Study Better?

Today a large population of urban Indian parents face stress and anxiety due to the growing communication gap with their teenager children. Parents struggle to motivate their teenagers to study and to listen to their advice. This generation gap is resulting in a lot of misunderstanding and disconnect amongst many Indian family members.

In this article, India’s leading psychologist and Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few effective tips for parents to improve their communication with their teenagers and will also help them motivate to study well.

1. Shift from yelling mode to discussion mode

If your communication with your teenager is in scolding mode (you scold them even for the smallest of errors they make) then stop showing your aggression. Remember kids during teenage years are extremely emotional and sensitive hence frequent scolding may emotionally distance them from you and they may stop listening as a sign of protest. Hence put your efforts to become a calm, kind and a parent who can listen.

2. Empathize:

Remember teenage is a transit phase from childhood to adulthood and in this stage, teenager develops ideas, values, and beliefs that are different from those of his/her parents. This is a part of the normal process of moving towards independence. 

Hence instead of opposing or fighting their ideas and views, parents must make efforts to put themselves in their kid’s shoes, try to understand their point of view and feel what is happening in the their life. So if your teen is not putting enough focus and efforts on studies, follow these:-

·      Understand why your teenager does not want to study.

·      Discuss calmly and find out what is stopping him/her from studying.

·      Your teenager could be inclined towards one subject and fearful for not liking the other one.

·      Your child could be finding it difficult to cope or understand what is being taught in the class.

·      Talking to your teen will help you to empathize and identify the source of the problems.

3. Parent’s Expectations

Don’t raise your expectations as parents and more importantly avoid expressing that to your teenagers. Often very high expectations can constrain your teenager and make him/her anxious and pressurized. Instead, emphasize more on a regular pattern and hard work and help your child to aim for small and successive goals one at a time. Working through successive goals will help your teen learn and achieve more in the long run.

4. Get involved

Teens usually get tired after a long day and can be lazy about doing their homework. So just telling your teenager to study will not suffice. Sit with your teen and help him/her figure out how to go about it. Sort out tasks that he/she might be finding difficult. You can look for a good tutor who can assist your teenager with studies.

Ways To Get Emotionally Stronger

Being emotional is a part of human nature. But the problem arises when getting emotional becomes a regular pattern, as it leads one to become emotionally fragile which is certainly not a good thing to happen. However, there might come a time in your life when your emotions have been depleted, and you need to search for ways to recharge yourself so that you continue to lead a good life. When you become emotionally exhausted, it is difficult to get anything done.

Delhi’s eminent marriage counselor and psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo tell us ways to get emotionally stronger. Here are some points.

Identify Where You Are

All of us have transition phases in our lives, and when you are in the middle of one of them, it can be difficult to see what really is going on. You may feel disconnected from your work, or perhaps you are mentally drained, which is an uncomfortable emotional experience. So it is very important to identify your own surroundings where you are.

Take A Break

It’s possible you just need a wait for a few days (or a few months) to allow things to settle down or discover an answer to your related to your concerns. People who do not take break tend to burn out, so save yourself from that agony and frustration by taking a rest when you need to, even if you don’t really think that you need it. It will help you to analyze the situation better and will lead to being emotionally stronger as compared to your previous situation.

Compose Yourself

Whatsoever, self-calming methods you have learned or applied in the past, now is the time to dust them off and start your method again. Developing emotional strength requires daily practice, just like developing physical strength. Whether you meditate daily, listen to music, or simply have a quiet cup of tea in your garden, it will not only recharge you but will also contribute towards becoming emotionally stronger.

Socialize With People Who Loves You

This could be actually difficult if you are in a wounded position and do not want your loved ones to notice you this way, but it is a great healer. You can try to say, “I am slightly down on energy today and looking for a break. How would you feel about just socializing out?” This will allow them to know where you are without providing details, and you can have a day of unwinding yourself.

Try Something Different

Many a times you might have observed that doing new things increases your association with life and those close to you. If you have never tried new things like hiking or trekking now, it could be a good time to do it and connect with nature. Just by reviewing the to-do list will help you identify what adventure you want to take.

Get Counselling

There will be times when you will not be feeling yourself or may not able to find a way. This may require an outside perspective to give you another perspective that you need to take action or to stop doing something that is not benefiting you. So seeking counseling can be beneficial. It could be hard to feel that even though you may love something, it might not be good for you at a particular moment in life. So letting go things might help you in becoming emotionally stronger.

How to Boost Your Marital Life?

In today’s fast and frantic world maintaining relationships particularly the marital relationship is becoming tricky for few individuals. The honeymoon period in any committed relationship is not meant to last forever. Eventually, it becomes certain that sharing and living a life with another person requires an appropriate set of skills. Many couples start to come apart after the few years of the wedding because some of you are not bothering about how to maintain and strengthen your emotional bonds.

In this article marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo sharing Top 5 Ways To Improve Your MarriageHere they are.

1.      Soften Your Stance

Arguments are one of the major reasons for discord in marital life. Arguments often flare up because one partner escalates the dispute by making a critical or arrogant remark. Discussing up problems politely and without blaming each other works much better and allows couples to peacefully engage in any conflict.

2.      Focus On The Positive Things

In a happy and content marriage, while talking about problems, couples should at least make 5 times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as compared to the negative ones. For instance, a happy couple will say We enjoy a lot instead of “We never have any fun.  A good marriage must have an abundant climate of positivity. Make daily deposits to your emotional bank accounts.

3.      Learn To Fix And Exit The Arguments

Happy couples know how to exit an argument, or how to fix the situation before an argument gets completely out of order. Examples of fix attempts: usage of humor, offering a gentle remark (I understand that this is not easy for you), making it clear you are on a common page (We will handle this ordeal together), backing down (in marriage, just like any sport, you often have to yield to win) and, mainly offering signs of appreciation for your partner and their feelings along the way. If an argument gets too heated, take a 15 minutes’ break, and try to approach the topic again when you both become calm and composed.

4.      Refine Yourself

The happiest and successful couples are kind to each other. They refrain from saying every critical thought when discussing delicate issues, and they will search for ways to express their needs and concerns respectfully without blaming or criticizing their partner.

5.      Adopt High Standards

Happy couples adopt high standards for each other. The happiest and successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, denies to accept hurtful behavior from each another. Low levels of tolerance for improper behavior in the initial phase of a relationship equals a happier couple down the time.

About Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an expert on Marriage and relationship issues and gets frequently been featured in leading newspapers, magazines and TV channels. Counsellor Shivani is experienced and certified counselling psychologists with specialization in the area of Personal Crisis interventions like coping-up with Relationship Issues, Marital Counselling, Separation & Divorce, Child and Adolescent issues, Depression, Stress, Domestic and Sexual Abuse, Loss & Grief, Suicidal feelings. Counsellor Shivani is currently working withIndia ‘s top hospital groups like Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics.

5 WAYS TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF

In life “feeling bad about yourself” generally comes very easily and in most time, it comes silently. When someone hurts you or criticize you or if you fail then feeling bad about self is a common outcome. To some extent feeling bad about ourselves is good if it help us to bring self-analysis and re-strategy and re-plan – but if this feeling sustains for long then it can severely damage our self-esteem and confidence level or worst it may put us in a vicious cycle of bad feelings, weak self-confidence and poor results.

In this article renowned psychologist, marriage counselor and relationship expert  Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 ways to feel better about yourself. Here they are:

1.      Always trust yourself

Never ever stop believing yourself, remember every outcome in life has many things involved in it, like time, situation, resources, you and others. Hence if you fail, try to shift your emotions and mental energy to analyze the whole situation – not just yourself but other too and try to figure out what could be an alternate approach or strategy to succeed.

2.      Understand that disappointments are a part of life

Observe and study successful people’s life and you will find that every successful person has dealt with disappointments at some point of life, but that has never stopped them. Rather they have learned to use the bad situations to get to the next level of life. The trick is to process your feelings, then put them into action.

3.      Learn to forgive yourself

Remember that our mistakes do not define us. They do not make us good people or bad people. If we learn and grow from them, then they make us better people. To develop positive self-views, you must keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes. Forgive yourself, and give yourself credit for trying not to make the same mistakes again.

4.      Watch Your Thoughts

Your thinking and thought process will never be 100 percent positive all the time. You must learn to dismiss the negative thoughts and stay open to other ideas that will assist you to move in a positive way. Start identifying negative thoughts and use your mind to challenge them.

5.      Don’t Expect Too Much

Desires can be a powerful motivating tool, but wanting or expecting something too much can be very hurtful and very pressurizing, so do not live beyond your means or wish the unattainable. Seek your desire, but keep your integrity.

5 Ways to Have a Better Mother-In-Law and Daughter-In-Law Relationship

Are you finding it difficult to get along with your mother-in-law?

Do you wish you could have lesser stress over your relationship with her?

Whenever we think about a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, unfortunately, most of the time a negative image comes to our mind.

In-laws can be the cause of a great deal of stress and frustration especially, to a young mother if she is not equipped to balance the demands of child-caring, house-cleaning, working and nurturing the relationships of her loved ones.

Mothers-in-law may be difficult to manage as some may benchmark you against their high standards, pick on everything you do (especially if you are living with them) and interfere when you try to discipline your kids.

But there are some ways to help resolve disputes with your mother-in-law.

Renowned, psychologist, marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 ways to have a better mother-in-law and daughter in law relationship. Here, they are:

1. Pick Your Battles

Not everything is worth arguing over. If your mother-in-law prefers you to follow a certain criterion when you keep your stuff.  Particularly, if you live in her place, give yourself space and time to accommodate her preferences.

When it comes to arguments over issues which are really important like the choice of school for your kid, you can at least remind her in a polite manner that you listened to her for a lot of  other things and followed them. Can she let you have your own way for this one thing?

2. Try to Woo Her At Regular Intervals

You might be thinking. Is it really possible? Nevertheless, give it a second thought. Every woman likes to be loved and appreciated, not just from their husbands and sons but even their daughters-in-law. Keep aside your pride and ego, and ask her out for her favorite activity or thing once in a while.

Set aside time and a reasonable budget (you don’t need to go overboard) to take her to eat her favorite cuisine, shop for clothes, travel on an affordable holiday or treat her to a movie or a concert of her choice.

Give a beautiful bouquet of flowers once in a while and let her show it in front of her friends.

Even a small act of love, like buying her lunch or dinner when she is sick, will help to open her heart towards you.

3.  Never Try To Out-Argue Her. Especially In Front of Others

As Indians, we value respect towards our elders a lot. More so as a daughter-in-law. Even if your mother-in-law is wrong, unless this is a life-threatening event, let her have the last say and absorb your words. When she is cooled down and you too, try interacting with her nicely, and ask her to consider your point of view too.

Yes, it means you have to eat humble pie, but if you value your relationship with her, somebody needs to take a step back first. After some time, when she feels you are not a threatening daughter-in-law, she may change her stance on how she responds to you.

4.  Find Allies

If you can make an ally with anyone else to intervene on your behalf, for example, your husband, children or siblings-in-law, do it in advance. Build goodwill with them so they can vouch you’re not a bad daughter-in-law when you get into a dispute with your mother-in-law.

5.   Discuss Your Concerns

There are many external factors that throw a spanner into your relationship with your mother-in-law. These could include stresses in getting a job, managing demands of work and family, health issues of yourself or family members, or major changes diet, going back to your studies etc.

If you do face external concerns, share them with your mother-in-law. Try to let her understand what’s going on in your life and how you’re trying your best to figure these things out. She may just give you that little bit of extra space you need at the moment and at best can also, provide you with a good idea.

5 Ways to Heal From Workplace Bullying

Anybody who has been a victim of workplace bullying knows the pain that this type of harassment and humiliation causes. Well, once the bully has been dealt with, don’t expect to feel fine afterward. While you may feel a sense of relief, that you are no longer experiencing the daily stress of working with a bully, you also may have some residual impact from what you experienced. In fact, workplace bullying often has a lasting impact on your overall mental and physical health.

As a result, there will be days when the path to recovery may be challenging. Something somebody says may trigger those familiar feelings of anxiety. Or, you may worry every time you disagree with somebody. These feelings are all normal. But with minor work and an extra effort in taking care of yourself, you will get your life back. What’s more, you can take what happened to you in the workplace and learn from it. Use it to strengthen you as you move forward with your life and your career.

The key is to not grant what happened to you define who you are as a person. Identify that workplace bullies have a choice. You did not deserve to be bullied. Place the responsibility for the bullying on the shoulders of the bully and move forward. Leave the hurtful words and the actions in the past.

Eminent psychologist and corporate consellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 ways to heal from workplace bullying. Here they are.

1.  Make Your Health A Priority

Victims of workplace bullying deal with a bulk of health issues including sleeplessness, stomach issues, headaches, and stress conditions. They also may deal with post-traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks, eating disorders, depression, and thoughts of suicide. Talk to your doctor about any symptoms you are feeling. It’s also a good idea to find a counselor. Remember, being targeted by a workplace bully does more than affect your mood or self-esteem. It also can affect your physical health. Do not defer in taking care of yourself. Neglecting your symptoms can lead to a host of other health issues. Staying healthy should be your top priority.

2.  Find Emotional Support and Validation

When bullying happens, the victim is often accused of having a problem or being the problem. Continuous criticism, rumors, lies, and gossip can take its toll leaving you feeling lonely, isolated and hopeless. But remember you are not alone. In fact, workplace bullying is a widespread issue that affects workers daily. Consider finding a support group in your area or starting one of your own. Find validation for what you have experienced and identify that there is nothing wrong with you. It will take work to build up your self-esteem and overall confidence again, but it can be done.

3.  Change How You Look At the Experience

Many times, a person who has been bullied develop a very narrow view of life because the bullying they experienced consumes their every thought. Think about things other than what you have gone through, things that have meaning or purpose in your life. There are several benefits to positive thinking. If you are having trouble doing this on your own, a counselor can help you redirect your thought processes. What’s more, avoid feeling guilty about how you confronted the bully or the length of time it took you to take an action. These things are in the past. Leave them there.

4. Educate Yourself about Workplace Bullying

If you are puzzled by what has happened to you, read everything you can about workplace bullying. While it can be frustrating to read about the issue, in the long run, it will help you come to terms with what happened to you. What’s more, being educated about bullying will prepare you for future confrontations. Some victims of workplace bullying even become advocates or support group leaders for others suffering at the hands of a workplace bully.

 5. Find Closure and A New Beginning

Part of the healing process is being able to put the past behind you and detach from the trauma and humiliation you experienced. Sometimes finding this closure involves switching jobs or careers. But you also need to realize that your identity is tied to more than just your work. Rediscover who you are. Develop new interests, new hobbies, new goals, and new dreams. Do not allow yourself to be preoccupied with what happened to you. Instead, find a better way to shift your focus and put the past behind you.