Almost every individual is guilty of having some expectations or others in relationships. It is natural. What you do not want is to keep those expectations to yourself, because you will only set yourself ready for disappointment. After all, if your partner does not know what your wants and needs are, how can it be fulfilled by them?
In this article, Delhi’s best Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about steps to deal with expectations in relationships.
First, take over complete responsibility for your own happiness. Understand that people cannot fulfill your life and make you happy. Irrespective of your dreams or excitement about your upcoming marriage, your would-be spouse is not responsible for making you happy or your honeymoon a hit according to your criteria.
Understand the feelings linked with unmet expectations, emotions like disappointment, frustration, hurt, and fear. How can you know if you have an unmet expectation? Disappointment. Whenever you feel disappointment in your relationship, then most likely some expectation has not been met. When expectations are met, partners feel satisfied, happy, gratified, fulfilled, contented, respected, cared for and loved. On the other hand, when expectations are not fulfilled or are in conflict, other less-pleasant emotions emerge. These feelings are a sign that expectations are not meshing. It is vital to understand what you are feeling, validate the feeling, and then loo to uncover the expectation on which it is based. In a few cases, your partner would not even know of the expectation; in fact, the only sign of its existence is its emotional effect.
Once you are aware of the feelings linked with unfulfilled expectations, then you can get the awareness required to make the needed adjustment. Awareness answers questions such as What was I expecting must happen? What I was wishing or hoping would take place?
What were my pre-assumptions about my partner and his or her behavior? Push yourself to have a hard look at your expectations. The logic of these questions is to think whether the answers to the questions are practical, productive, and workable. It is not that they are true or false, or correct or incorrect; rather, the answers are preferences, likes, or disbeliefs. The idea here is to help you to identify the misinterpretation, enabling you to alter your way of thinking.
From where are the expectations are coming? Do they have their origins in dreams, wishes, assumptions, hopes, standards, past relationships, your family of origin, culture, television or somewhere else?
Are your expectations valid or invalid? Challenge your expectations amongst yourself. Evaluation means that you decide if the expectations seem to be supported by purposeful reality.
Keep in mind, that the ultimate aim of expectations is to make them clear. In simple words, make your unspoken desires spoken. Express your expectations with clarity. Sharing your expectations lets you define a mutual vision of how you want your future marriage to be. The best thing is that when you express your expectations, you let your partner decide if he or she can satisfy that requirement. He or she gets the chance to decide if the expectation can be met most of the time, sometimes, or never.