Studies confirm the truth that in romance, the end is mostly predictable. The evidence indicates that the strongest sign that a romance is over is certainly not what a partner says or does, but how he makes the other one feel.
In simple words, Shivani Sadhoo says, if you sense your partner has moved on emotionally, he/she probably has. Although he/she might still perform the relational bare minimum, like dutifully calling every day, a partner’s “quiet quitting” might be obvious in other ways, like through the choice to increasingly make plans alone or with others. While it is tempting to wonder if you are “simply too sensitive,” or assume you should have done something to prompt your partner to pull away, actions speak louder than words—and a partner’s behavior speaks high volumes.
Lack of intimacy predicts a breakup
A top university investigated the connection between a lack of intimacy and the likelihood of relationship dissolution. They found that partners who perceived lower levels of reward in their relationship were more prone to head for a breakup. They found this effect was significant even post-controlling for relationship satisfaction and attachment insecurity.
Operationalizing reward in a manner that captures various features of intimacy like connection, love, and self-disclosure, the findings of the study validate the importance of intimacy within a romantic relationship, confirming previous findings that intimate connection is one of the core reasons people stay in a relationship. They also noticed that because there might be a difference in the extent to which a person values intimacy or considers it a “reward,” there might also be a difference in the reward’s predictive power for a breakup. They report that their exploratory analyses yielded assistance for this possibility by showcasing that reward did not predict breakup as strongly for those people who place less value on intimacy.
Taking note of the presence or absence of the features of intimacy noted in the study like connection, love, and self-disclosure, could make it easier to observe when your partner is disengaging. Here are a few signs to look for.
Building up boundaries
Some partners start to withdraw by forming walls instead of bridges. This might occur physically, like when a partner seeks to spend more time in a different room, or emotionally, through reduced information sharing. However, it is manifest, forming boundaries is a roadblock to relational development, showcasing the beginning of a future apart.
Withdrawing affection
If your partner has lost interest in getting intimate and doing romance, you most probably want to know why. Barring significant life alterations like a cancer diagnosis, or the loss of a job or loved one, which could be associated with withdrawal and depression, withdrawing affection is mostly a sign that the relationship is faltering.
Looking for socialization
A partner who is cascading towards meeting new people or attending events solo might be showing a preference for singlehood. You can respectfully seek the queries into the reasons or rationale for the change in preference, but consider whether there would ever be an acceptable answer to the desire to spend time socializing without you.
Starting a new chapter
If your relationship does come to an end, bear in mind that a failed relationship is not the end of the world; rather, it might be the beginning of a fresh chapter in your life. There is nothing about romantic rejection that defines you; breakups happen to several people at some point, and various breakups have more to do with the partner who prompts the dissolution. If a breakup was actually, provoked by your behavior, you can learn from it and march on, stronger and wiser.
Nowadays, people use the word “relationship” so much that it is mostly assumed to have one universal definition. In reality, though, the word encompasses such a huge variety of kinds of human connections, both romantic and non-romantic, and it is likely that no two people share the exact same kind of understanding of what defines a relationship. So, here’s a cheat sheet of the basics.
A relationship is any sort of association or bond between people, whether intimate, platonic, positive, or negative, says Shivani Sadhoo. Generally, when people talk about “being in a relationship,” the term is referencing a particular type of romantic relationship involving both emotional and physical intimacy, some level of ongoing commitment, and monogamy (i.e., romantic and physical relationship exclusivity, wherein members do not have this sort of relationship with anyone else). That said, romantic relationships can take several different forms, from marriage to casual dating to ethical non-monogamy.
There are 4 basic forms of relationships, they are family, friendships, acquaintanceships and romantic. Few more forms of relationships are work, teacher/pupil, and community or group relationships. A few of them may overlap and coincide with each one. For instance, two individuals can be both colleagues as well as close friends.
Dating is the act of intentionally spending time with a person to get to know them better, have fun together, and enjoy being romantic. Dating could sometimes be about seeing if there’s probability of a more long-term relationship, or it can merely be about having fun without expectations for the future, which is at times called casual dating.
Not everyone agrees on what stage of commitment is implied when two individuals say they’re “dating.” Some people just use the term when there is already a defined, committed relationship in place, while others use the term to mean they are just exploring to see if there’s relationship potential.
Committed
In the context of couples, the terms “in a relationship” generally means being in a committed, long-term romantic relationship. A committed relationship is one where two people agree to continue being in a relationship for the foreseeable future.
There is an understanding that the two will continue to spend time together, work on enhancing their relationship with each other, and continue nurturing their bond. People in committed relationships might choose to use identifiers such as a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner to signify their relationship to others.
In traditional monogamous relationships, being in a relationship also means that a couple will be romantically and sexually exclusive—that is, they would not have any other romantic or sexual partners other than each other. In non-monogamous relationships, exclusivity isn’t needed
Marriage is one form of committed relationship wherein a couple publicly vows to live together and forms a legally binding union.
Casual relationship
A casual relationship is the one where two individuals may be dating, regularly spending time together, and engaging in romantic or physical intimacy activities—but sans any expectations for the relationship to last into the future. These sorts of relationships are generally, more situational and short-term, and they might or might not be exclusive.
People in casual relationships generally do like each other and are attracted to each other, though there might not be an intense emotional bond or desire to deepen the connection. Whereas people in committed relationships might see each other as life partners, people in casual relationships might not be as integrated into each other’s lives. They typically will not use terms like boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner.
Casual intimate relationship
This relationship is one where two individuals spend time together majorly to have physical intimacy with each other. They may see each other regularly getting physically intimate, or they might get physically intimate once and never see each other again.
They perhaps like each other and enjoy each other’s company, but they are not interested in a romantic union with each other. Usually, there is no emotional connection, or the connection is distinctly platonic or friendly, like in a “friends with benefits” situation.
Situationship
A situationship is a romantic relationship that has not been explicitly defined, normally by omission. The relationship might have several of the same qualities as a committed relationship, a casual relationship, or dating, but the people involved have merely not put labels on it—usually intentionally, whether that is to avoid making things complicated, because they are still figuring out what they want from each other, or because they are too afraid to bring up the “DTR talk” (conversation defining the relationship).
Normally, situationships usually have more emotional involvement than a friends-with-benefits scenario but not the explicit romantic feelings and commitment of a committed relationship.
While relationships sans labels work great for some people, situationships can mostly happen because the two people are not on the same page about what they want or because there is an assumption that the relationship would be short-term enough for it not to matter.
Ethical non-monogamy
Ethical non-monogamy is a wide umbrella term for any relationship where individuals can have multiple romantic and sexual partners at the same time. It includes polyamory, open relationships, relationship anarchy, and several other types of relationships between more than two individuals.
Ethically non-monogamous relationships can be casual, committed, open, exclusive, dating or physical-only, or some combination of these categories, and people in these sort of relationships might or may not use terms such as boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner to describe each other.
However, according to psychology, there are 7 kinds of relationships
Infatuation: just passion
Friendship: only intimacy
Empty love: commitment solely
Romantic love: passion and intimacy
Fatuous love: passion and commitment
Companionate love: intimacy with commitment
Consummate love: passion, intimacy with commitment
How do you define your relationship?
When it comes to dating, romantic relationships, and sex, it is essential for partners to be transparent about what form of relationship they want and to ensure they are on the same page.
Here are a few things to ask each other to define the relationship:
a) What do you want from this relationship? Something casual, in-the-moment? Something more future-based? Not certain yet and simply want to explore for now?
b) Are you looking for a long-term relationship? If yes, do you see potential here?
c) Are you seeing another person?
d) Are there any romantic feelings here? Are both interested in exploring those feelings, or just want to keep things more casual?
e) How frequently do you both want to talk and see each other?
Well, these questions could feel intimidating or too serious, looking to avoid these questions means you’re simply choosing to make assumptions rather than seeking the truth.
People form commitments and expectations even sans labels. Not talking about the terms of your relationship does truly not mean you don’t have one.
And bear in mind, that defining the relationship does not mandatorily mean you need to enter into a serious or committed relationship. Defining the relationship is just about clarity.
Some people might choose not to label their relationship because they are afraid of being tied down too early or in a place where they feel trapped. However, one needs to understand that you maintain complete autonomy of yourself in every relationship you are in, and you are the one who is responsible for communicating what you require, what you want, and what you do not want.
So, if you feel you are at a place where you cannot do not wish to date one person exclusively, that must be communicated to your partner so that he/she can make a decision about whether that works for them or not.
You have perhaps fallen in love at least once in your life. As you grow older, you come to the realization that falling in love is actually the easiest part. It is being in a relationship that can be quite challenging.
Marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo says, relationships are not always easy. In fact, it takes a lot of work to cultivate them.
But this is the way love grows and lasts. So how do you make sure that you start your romantic relationships on the right note?
While each relationship is unique in its own way, there are generally 5 stages every couple goes through. It does not matter how you met or what your goals in the relationship are.
You will pass through each of these stages.
And how you manage them will define the shape — or the end result — of your relationship.
Every stage is a challenge on its own. Actually, the first two stages mostly prove to be the most challenging to every couple.
Let’s dive deeper into the 5 stages of a relationship.
The attraction and romance stage
This is what movies are all made of. In the initial stage of a relationship, you are in complete euphoria.
You are falling in love, and nothing could go wrong. Everything is just perfect – right from your first kiss to that energy you feel around them. They cannot do anything wrong, and you can never find any flaw in them. In fact, you go around your day in continuous high thinking about this person. And in a manner, you are actually high. Strong levels of dopamine, norepinephrine and even oxytocin are all released into your brain when you are attracted to someone. These chemicals force you to feel giddy and euphoric.
Your loss in appetite, and insomnia, all side effects of this little chemical haywire. This feeling can last from a couple of months to a couple of years. You better enjoy this phase while you can, because the next stages are where things turn real.
Crisis stage
As it has been mentioned before, couples have a difficult time going through the first two stages of a relationship. This is because of the difference between the Attraction Stage and the Crisis Stage.
In the first few months of a relationship, everything appears to be going exceptionally well. However, the dopamine in our system eventually trickles out, and one begins seeing things more clearly. Your love glasses are removed. You begin becoming comfortable with each other, and things are becoming all too real. You see the toilet seat up one too many times, or they said something improper to your friends. The crisis stage is where your first arguments and relationship anxiety takes place.
Most couples will go through this stage and sadly, will actually break up. Suddenly, the other person seems too annoying or it’s a one-sided relationship. And one of you may be having cold feet. Are you truly compatible? The crisis stage is where your mettle as a couple will get tested. You are suddenly struggling for power and searching for harmony at the same time.
Working stage
So you eventually conquered the crisis stage. Whoa!
You have clawed your way out of the hole, and now you find yourself in perfect harmony. You have formed a routine as a couple. Someone cooks and the other partner does the dishes. Everything is calm, and you see yourself in love with this person — in the manner that counts.
Shivani Misri Sadhoo_Best Marriage Counselor in India
Commitment stage
You decide to be together. Even when the going gets tough. Even when it may be difficult sometimes. You recognize that your partner is a completely other person with their own set of flaws, dreams, goals, desires, and needs. But you choose them anyway. This is what the commitment stage is all about. It is all about consciously deciding that this individual is the one for you. You may think the working stage was good, but the commitment stage is where you genuinely feel like you belong to this person.
This is generally, when couples take big steps in committing to each other – moving in, marriage, or having kids.
Real love/bliss stage
This is it. This is what everything you did was for. All the sweat, hard work, blood, and tears have brought you here. Finally, you are a team. Your relationship is no more the center of your world. Rather, you go outside of your relationship and make something beautiful. The real love or bliss stage is where couples work together on an ultimate goal or project.
This could be anything creative that means a lot to both of you, or something practical such as your dream home. But to several couples, it is about starting a family. And although there are continuous challenges that will test you, you have all the things you need to make it through. You have learned from your past mistakes. You remember the good times fondly and the bad times make you realize it was all worth it after all.
The takeaway
Relationships are a journey. But so is anything else in our life. True love is not something that simply gets handed to you. And these 5 stages prove just that.
It is important to know which stage you are in so that you will know how to get through it. If you see yourselves in a loop, repeatedly arguing about the same things, then you are probably still in the crisis Stage.
Concentrate on communicating better. If you are feeling stagnant, where everything looks fine, but it feels like you are not moving anywhere, then you are most likely in the working stage. Find out your next goals as a couple.
Eventually, being aware of where you are as a couple is the key to moving ahead.
When a train passes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineman. Life is not always about roses and rainbows or chocolates and candies. There are good times and bad times. Good relationships and bad relationships. You just need to stay strong and have faith; things will work out slowly.
Has your partner left you confused lately? Do you feel unloved or unwanted? Have you stopped listening to each other? Do you keep arguing over petty issues? Stop burying your head in the sand and pretending that everything is alright.
What are the 5 ways to sail through torrid phases in your relationship?
According to Shivani you may try to follow the given points:
Walking down memory lane: Remembering the good old days can bring back that spark in your relationship. Flipping through the pages of an old album or scrolling through your social media photos can add positivity to your relationship.
Break the silence: Silence is not always golden. Communicate with each other. Discuss your problems. Communication is effective only when both the speaker and listener cooperate with each other. Both partners need to listen, understand and respect each other’s point of view. Only then will this problem be solved.
Learn to forgive: Let bygones be bygones! Research suggests that the act of forgiveness can improve your mental and physical well-being. Isn’t that good news? While it is not easy to let go of past grudges and bitterness, forgiveness can act as a healing balm for your wounded relationship. We must always remember that;
‘Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.’
Spend more quality time together: Make a ‘couple’s bucket list. Do things that may or may not excite you but make sure you do it together. Plan secret dates for each other. Go for long walks. The more time you spend together, the closer you will get to each other and this will help you understand each other better.
It takes two people to make or break a relationship: It takes two to make a relationship work. No matter how much you try to be good, your partner will have to put in equal effort to make the relationship work. Love is not solely about finding a good partner. It is also about you, being a good partner.
Sometimes conflict also gives you the opportunity to understand, appreciate and embrace differences. So, whatever happens, don’t give up. Make sure that you give your heart to the same person every time.
Do you remember when you first met your special one? It might have been one of those fairy-tale moments. Everything surrounding you faded into the background and the one thing that existed was them. You gathered up the courage to introduce yourself and your relationship was created
Or it might have been a simple friendship that eventually transformed into a romance.
Regardless of how it started, married life is totally contrasting to dating. And nothing can truly prepare you for marriage.
Marriage could be the most difficult aspect in your life – it could also be the finest thing in your life – likely both too. Shivani Sadhoo says perhaps it is designed that way only.
Marriage is designed to grow two individuals up into better humans. Marriage is not about just being happy, it is about growing.
Even though there is no magical formula for a marriage to work, still certain factors help it to grow. Let us take a look at those factors which are basically the 4 C’s.
What are the key factors between couples, that make marital journeys easy and enjoyable for couples?
Chemistry
There has to be some kind of connection between the two individuals. Similar interests, aims, dreams, etc. While this is not mandatory, it does lay a foundation for several things in marriage, like travel, hobbies, vacations, and outside commitments both individually and together. Take heart and know that if you did not have chemistry, the relationship will be short-lived – so those of you who think or feel you now have nothing in common with your special one after several years of marriage, look and think again because it is probably there.
Communication
Here is another small but important secret for marriage, communication happens every time. In fact, you cannot go without communicating. Everything you say and even don’t say communicates something. Every act you do or don’t do says something too. Communication issues in marriage don’t happen because you cannot communicate, they occur because you do not like the message. In an attempt to master this arena of marriage changes your focus to learning ways to handle the message.
Comedy
Humour is a wonderful reparative aspect of marriage, as well as a fantastic connector. Having the ability to laugh with your loved one, whether this laughter is regarding something external or just about yourself and your relationship, laughter truly is good medicine. Often couples may get bored in a long relationship because of monotonous ways of living life. This is where having a little ingredient of humor in your marital life could often add a spark and color to it.
Commitment
A vital ingredient to any marriage is commitment. Without this, it falls apart. Incidentally, wish to know the secret to a long-lasting marriage? Two individuals who opt to stay married. That is it. Make the decision to stick out through the torrid and rough spots. Often some people say “my marriage is not worth fighting for.” The truth perhaps is they haven’t fought for it. Something is only worth fighting for the post you have fought for it.” Truer words are rarely spoken.
When you are aware of the 4 C’s in marriage, you potentially stand a better chance to have a long and satisfying relationship with your spouse.
Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away
Feel free to call CounselorShivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.
Several couples face at least four out of five common marital problems at some stage of their prolonged companionship. Shivani Sadhoo says if you are among that group too, take heart: every marital relationship has certain issues. The good news is that by being proactive rather than reactive, you can make a huge transformation and see growth and health come to your most essential relationship.
Some couples always struggle with communicating. They are not able to find time to discuss because one of the partners is always busy with work during the day and exhausted in the evenings. This is when perhaps you suddenly realized you needed to schedule a lunch date just as if you were scheduling it to catch up with a friend. But things always do not work like that. Here India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some solutions to the 5 major marriage issues.
Lack or absence of emotional intimacy
Planning time to be intentional in sharing your mind and heart with one another is vital here. Talk about things that are truly important to you, and remember not to disagree with or challenge your spouse when they are being vulnerable and telling you what is most essential to them. If time is an issue, look to create a dedicated time into your weekly schedule to be intentional in doing this; otherwise, it is not going to happen.
A dearth of physical intimacy
One great idea for enhancing physical intimacy is to plan time for it. If you both are aware that you have agreed to be together on a specific day and time, you would be able to make it a priority and mentally get ready to enjoy it.
Communication
One method to address a lack of communication is to decide a time for a face-to-face each day, even if it is only for 15 minutes. Make it the same every day, so it is easy for neither of you to miss this opportunity. Do this prior to you spending time with the kids. Or if daily planning is too difficult perhaps because of your professional commitments. Then set up a dedicated day of the week.
Losing interest or lack of appreciation
It is important to opt to put the relationship above everything else, including work and your kids. Act like you are dating again. Enact as you did then. Take time to pay attention only to your partner. Have both of you take the texting challenge to make certain you are staying in touch through the day.
Finance
Decide upon a time to work out a budget that is agreeable to both. Agree to sit down to check at expenses at the end of each month. If the discussion is prearranged and you both come to the table with complete transparency, then the conversation about finance could move from the emotional and into the practical ones.
Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away
Feel free to call CounselorShivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, or emotional and psychological challenges.
One of the oldest and biggest mantras to a healthy and lasting relationship is trust. It is a fragile yet powerful adhesive that holds two people together. It certainly is hard and at times a complex task to develop trust when you are beginning out in a relationship. But it is not so much of an arduous challenge once both the entities in a relationship are in it together says Shivani Sadhoo.
· Understand the causes why you two are together and make certain the reasons are right. Develop a framework around your relationship first.
· If you love somebody, you have to respect them. The more respect you form between the two of you, the greater the love is. Define things that makes you feel disrespected and agree not to use that as a ploy in your relationship.
· Do not expect the sort of romance that is shown in movies. Have realistic expectations related to your relationship and romance. You need to know that true romance is an outcome of respect, trust, and freedom of expression.
· Always express what you feel like. If you are too worried or scared to speak out, it will simply make it difficult for you in the future. Make certain you let it all out of your system for the benefit of your relationship.
· Providing each other space is equally vital as spending quality time with each other. Both of you must enjoy a space where you do things individually that makes you happy.
· Changes are inevitable. You fall in love with a person’s mind and the person you fell in love with is bound to change with time. You need to expect and accept it. It is basic human nature to change, so do not let it get in your way.
Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away
During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationshipchallenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.
However, in this age of pandemic, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception. But try it before you disregard this option. This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.
You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!
Feel free to call CounselorShivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.
Anxiety is that voice in the back of your head that says, “Something unwanted is going to happen.” This is what keeps you awake at 2:00 AM thinking about something gross you did some years ago.
Not every introvert has anxiety, and extroverts and ambiverts might struggle with it, too. To be certain introversion and anxiety are not the same thing. Introversion is a choice for calm, minimally stimulating surroundings and a requirement for alone time to recharge, while anxiety is a usual term for disorders that create excessive fear, worrying, and nervousness. Still, for several introverts, anxiety is a consistent part of their lives. Actually, anxiety is more common in introverts than extroverts.
At times anxiety is obvious to think of (panic attacks and sweaty palms), but this is not always the case. Several people live with a form named “high-functioning anxiety.” Outwardly, they seem to have it all together. They might even lead very successful lives. No one can think from the outside that they are driven by fear. At times they do not even realize it themselves says Shivani Sadhoo.
Even though not an official diagnosis, high-functioning anxiety is a thing various people identify with. It is closely linked to Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which impacts millions of people worldwide. While women are twice as likely to experience it compared to men.
Your mind consistently jumps to the worst-case scenario in any given circumstances. As a result, you might find yourself over-preparing. For instance, you might pack your essentials in both your checked luggage and your carry-on, just in case the airline loses your suitcase. People perceive you as being the reliable one, your preparations mostly do come in handy, but few individuals (if any) realize that your “ready for anything” mentality stems due to anxiety.
You may go berserk inside, but you are unflappable on the outside
Interestingly, several people having high-functioning anxiety do not reveal simply how nervous they are, which is another reason why it is mostly secret anxiety. You perhaps have learned to compartmentalize your emotions.
You continuously feel the urge to do something
This could be a real problem if you are an introvert who requires plenty of downtime to recharge. This does not necessarily mean you are attending plenty of social events; rather, you might feel a compulsion to always be getting things done or remaining on top of things. Remaining busy distracts you from your anxiety and provides you with a sense of control.
You view the world in a fundamentally different manner
Your anxiety is not merely “in your mind.” Researchers at the Weizmann Institute of Science in Israel saw that individuals who are anxious view the world differently than people who are not. In that study, anxious people were less capable of differentiating between a safe stimulus and one that was earlier linked with a threat. In simple words, anxious people overgeneralize their emotional experiences—even when they are not threatening.
You are fearful of disappointing others
You may be a people-pleaser. You are so afraid of allowing others down that you work hard to make everybody around you happy, even if it means sacrificing your own wishes and needs.
You are externally successful
Goal-oriented, organized, detail-oriented, and proactive in planning prior to all possibilities, you might be the picture of success. The issue is, it is never enough. You always feel like you need to be doing more.
You have formed your life around avoidance
You have restricted your world to stop overwhelm. You stick to fixed routines and familiar experiences that provide you a sense of easiness and control; you avoid intense emotional experiences, such as travel, social events, conflict, or anything else that may trigger your anxiety.
You are a perfectionist
You attempt to calm your worries by getting your tasks or your appearance simply right. This could bring positive results, but it comes at an expense. You might have an “everything-or-nothing” mentality (“If I am not the best employee, then I am the worst”). You might have a few unrealistic expectations of yourself, and a catastrophic fear of falling short of them.
You are prone to reflection and overthinking
You do plenty of negative self-talk. You mostly revisualize past mistakes in your mind, dwell on scary “what if” situations, and struggle to enjoy the present moment because you are expecting the worst. Sometimes your mind races and you are not able to stop it.
You experience aches, repetitive habits, and tics
Your anxiety perhaps manifests physically in your body as repeated muscle tension or aches. Similarly, you may unconsciously pick at the skin surrounding your nails, tap your foot, scratch your scalp, or do other repetitive tasks that gets your nervous energy out—even when you seem composed in other ways.
You are always tired
Your mind is repeatedly going on, so you have a problem falling asleep or staying asleep. Even when you sleep well, you feel fatigued during the day because dealing with a continuous underlying level of anxiety is exhausting.
You might associate bonding with your spouse in the early stages of your relationship. But whether you are 6 months or 6 years in, there are always numerous opportunities to grow closer with your partner says Shivani. Learning methods to bond in a relationship could be a lifelong pursuit, but it certainly does not have to be difficult.
Couples Therapist Shivani says there is a difference between struggling and putting effort into your relationship. With bonding, at times it will simply take a little bit of conscious effort. “Bonding with your spouse takes effort.
Sometimes ‘bonding work’ feels simple and at times it feels difficult. Bonding with your partner seems easy when it flows out of shared interests, hobbies, and experiences. So if you can recognize what small ways you are already sharing with your partner, you might be a step closer to bonding even more, and potentially growing your love and bonding.
You do not have to ask each other the endless questions that lead to love, or do any kind of forced activity or bonding, simply to get to know your partner better. At times simply expressing your interest will do the magic. And professionals who work with couples have identified some brilliant ways to bond a little bit more with your partner — methods that you may even already be doing to some extent.
This blog by Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some ways to enhance bonding in your relationship.
Express Interest and Curiosity
When you have been together for a considerable time, or even live together, you and your partner might fall into the pattern of asking fewer open-ended questions: questions that start with “how” or “why,” and normally do not have a “yes” or “no” answer.
“It appears so simple, but it is easy for couples to end initiating open-ended questions since they fall into a habit of taking each other for granted. The reality is that you and your partner will change over a period and that you need to constantly update your knowledge of your partner. Asking open-ended questions helps boost emotional link and friendship within the relationship.” Being aware of how you ask your questions will help you develop this bonding as a habit.
Verbally Express Your Appreciation
Saying “thank you” to your loved one may seem more like an act of politeness, instead of an act of bonding, but appreciation is a lot more nuanced than that.
This too looks simple and you are perhaps doing it to a certain extent, but appreciation gives huge benefits,”. When you show appreciation towards your partner you create a protective shield surrounding your relationship [since] appreciation counteracts contempt — which is one of the major destructive forces in a relationship. Learning to show your appreciation regularly will assist you two grow even closer than ever before.
Give Priority to your Partner’s Emotional Calls
While you might know your partner better than anybody else, it can still become easy over some time to not always see when they are reaching out to you emotionally. Paying attention to “emotional calls,” and responding to them is an integral form of bonding.
Emotional calls are all small attempts to bond with your partner throughout the day, If, you wish to improve the health of your relationship, make it a priority to see your partner’s attempts to connect with you. Respond to their calls by lovingly responding and meeting their needs and communicating to your partner that you are there and care for them.” It is worth finding avenues to respond or pay attention to your partner, even when they are communicating non-verbally, to show your bond.
Make an Effort at Eye Contact
When you and your partner have been staying together for quite some time, the realities of everyday life as a couple might mean that you are not staring lovingly into each other’s eyes as much as you once used to. But working towards more eye contact could be a major boost in terms of bonding.
Partners can bond with each other by maintaining eye contact regularly, while they communicate, specifically, if discussing important topics such as their feelings, experiences, or needs. So even if you are not in your honeymoon stage anymore, at least you will be opening the windows towards more honest and vulnerable communication.
Keep your Phone Down
While there is something to be said regarding a connection so deep that you can sit in silence on a couch, scrolling through social media, and not feeling awkward about it, there is still a certain thing to be said about dedicated phones and gadget-free time for couples.
“A truly vital task you should do to make your partner feel worthy and appreciated of your time is to put the phones down while communicating, which also enhances bonding. Whether it means actively following a no phones at the dinner table or bedroom policy, or simply leading by example, you might find that these moments are good opportunities to bond.
Initiate Physical Touch
Having or maintaining a strong sexual connection with your partner is great, but physical touch does not have to be saved for moments of sexual intimacy between you and your partner only. Making physical touch a more common, regular habit in your relationship could be quite beneficial.
A simple task you can do to facilitate bonding is through physical touch when you are in the same space such as watching TV, cooking together, or getting ready to go out. Sometimes, a simple and gentle touch is good enough to create a substantial emotional association. Not all touch has to lead to anything, and practising it more can support grow the bond between you and your partner.
Make Rituals Together
Creating rituals or traditions as a couple could give you two something to look forward to daily, and be able to make sure that you and your partner are continuously building your connection — even if you have hectic daily life schedules.
Creating a ritual of bonding — like going on a walk post-dinner, or having coffee ready for your spouse after putting the kids to bed or in the morning so that you can talk about your day, could be something you both look forward to as well. Whether you decide you wish to build in daily, weekly, or monthly rituals, there is something about the continuation of these simple acts of bonding that could help actually, level up your existing connection.
Whichever method you decide to grow your bond with your partner, the probabilities are — you are already likely well on your way. Bonding has no concrete targets to get as it is something a couple does and keeps on doing, for the course of a relationship. And making even the smallest of changes in your daily interactions could assist blossom your love even further.
If you are married to a workaholic partner, you might at times feel as if you are married to an unfaithful spouse who has replaced your intimacy with his or her work. This sense of being alone, the numerous broken promises, feelings of anger and disappointment, and a belief that you are not that important are all similar for spouses of cheaters and also, for spouses of workaholics.
Shivani Sadhoo says these issues, if left unmitigated, could result in spousal discontent or worse yet divorce; in fact, according to Maureen Farrel who wrote “So You Married A Workaholic” for Forbes during the year 2007, on average, couples in which one partner is a workaholic divorce at double the average rate.
When one of the partners works excessively, he or she is not nurturing or harnessing the marriage. It is also unhealthy to keep a life that is so much out of sync or balance, which could easily put you on the road to infidelity and even divorce. At times it requires a wake-up call such as a personal or health crisis for the workaholic to snap out of this conduct. There are certain things you may do that would not have you waiting around for this to be the impetus for the change.
Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog shares some suggestions to keep your marriage intact if you are married to a workaholic, in a healthy manner.
Strategies for Keeping Your Marriage to a Workaholic Healthy
If you find yourself frustrated with your partner’s continuous obsession with work, it is important to remember that even though you do not agree with his or her viewpoint on the issue, the situation itself puts you and your partner both under tremendous amounts of stress; as a result, conversations regarding being a workaholic needs to be approached cautiously and with compassion.
As frustrating as it might seem to not scold your partner for their overworking tendencies, nagging is not going to work. Rather, share in a positive tone what your partner has missed by working excessively or by bringing work home and not being present to you and the kids. Also, you must try to stop enabling your partner’s workaholic behavior—you might them be enabling your spouse’s need or desire to work by delaying family meals, keeping children up longer, postponing activities, or spending your money on things and services (such as takeout) that you could do without.
Instead, consider letting your partner experience the results of working excessively by serving dinner at the normal time and making your spouse have the cold leftovers once he or she finally emerges, hours later, from work. If your partner does not want to go out of the house with you, leave your partner at home and take the kids to the movie, mall, or park, or if your spouse is too busy to take certain days off, take a weekend trip to visit family without your partner do not put your life or your kid’s lives on hold waiting for your partner to make time for you.
Also, you can try to entice your spouse out of work mode by suggesting an activity that you can both do together. Although this might be considered a bit manipulative, providing an opportunity that your partner will enjoy could ease the tensions between you and let for an honest discussion of the issues that are arising from your partner’s workaholic tendencies.
When to Go for a Professional Help
Solving your marital problems related to a workaholic partner might feel like an insurmountable task, and mostly it is almost impossible to do alone. Luckily, though, psychologists and marriage counselor’s help is available to mediate open dialogue between you and your special one.
If your marriage is in serious trouble because of your spouse working too many hours or days, then marriage counseling could be an alternative that will help. Even if you might simply get your spouse in for the first therapy session, you might be able to help him or her to understand the gravity of the things and the toll it is having on you and your relationship personally.
It is essential during these sessions to discuss setting boundaries you both agree to that will not only assist your spouse to overcome his or her workaholic conduct but assist you both to communicate with one another openly and have compassion and empathy. If your partner agrees to a day with you or even a few hours, setting boundaries such as “no cell phones or texts at dinner” could greatly reduce work-related stress during your alone time.
In any given situation, the first step toward overcoming marital problems associated with living with a workaholic spouse is to initiate a conversation, express how their behavior makes you feel, and work together towards an amicable solution that leaves you feeling more appreciated and your partner’s need to work fulfilled.
