Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Relationships often confuse us. Sometimes, the one who captures our heart can be tender and affectionate, yet in the next moment, they may appear distant or even irritable. They might shower us with thoughtful gestures, only to disregard our desires when things don’t align with their expectations. This ambiguity leaves us questioning whether their intentions are genuine or if they’re merely toying with our feelings for their own gain.

Are you curious to know the signs that a man is using you?

Let’s find out from India’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo about these signs.

He has no interest in you

When a guy consistently shows disinterest in you and your life, it indicates he’s likely using you for his own benefit. Genuine interest in a partner involves wanting to know about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. If he only engages with you when it serves his agenda or ignores your interests altogether, it’s a clear sign that he’s not invested in building a meaningful connection but rather exploiting your presence for personal gain.

He ignores you in front of others

If the man you love showers you with attention but suddenly ignores or avoids you in front of others, it’s a red flag. Pay close attention to how he treats you around people he knows. If he’s inconsistent, prioritizing his image over your feelings, he may be using you for his benefit. Genuine affection doesn’t fluctuate based on who’s watching. Trust your instincts and confront the situation honestly.

He is not really putting an effort

When you’re the only one making efforts in a relationship, it’s a telltale sign of being used. You’re constantly striving to maintain the connection while he shows little interest or willingness to reciprocate. It resembles a parasocial relationship, where you invest emotions, time, and energy, but he remains oblivious. Communication feels one-sided; he’s physically present but emotionally absent. You’re essentially talking to yourself, solving his problems, not yours.

He’s available as per his need/schedule

When someone’s always available on their terms but mysteriously busy when you need them, it’s a red flag. Genuine interest means being there through thick and thin, not just when it suits them. If your partner is consistently unavailable on weekends and only meets as per their schedule, it’s unfair. A serious relationship requires effort from both sides.

If they call all the shots and take you for granted, it’s a sign they might be using you. Evaluate your self-worth and make a decision. He intentionally makes plans with his friends or colleagues on weekends to stay away from you. Isn’t that a sign to consider?

Toxic manipulation

Manipulative behavior becomes evident when he dismisses your feelings, turning every disagreement into a blame game. Constantly undermining your confidence, he uses language to make you feel inadequate. Control dominates arguments, making it you versus him instead of addressing issues together.

He avoids responsibility by shifting blame, leaving you burdened with guilt. Gaslighting adds another layer, distorting truth and denying reality. This draining dynamic indicates he prioritizes personal gain over a healthy relationship, making it crucial to reassess the connection.

He doesn’t want to empathize with you

Empathy means understanding and sharing someone else’s feelings. Let’s say you’re feeling down after a tough day, and instead of offering support or showing concern, he brushes off your emotions or doesn’t even acknowledge them.

This lack of empathy suggests he’s more focused on his own needs and desires, using you as a means to an end rather than genuinely caring about your well-being. In essence, his actions reveal a self-centred nature, indicating he’s not genuinely invested in your happiness or fulfilment.

He needs monetary favor always

When your boyfriend consistently relies on you for financial support, often at inconvenient times, and fails to reciprocate in the relationship, it’s a clear sign of exploitation. His sudden sweetness when money is involved reveals his true intentions. You can tell that he is using you when his actions consistently prioritize his needs over yours, leaving you drained and unfulfilled. Recognizing this toxic dynamic is essential for reclaiming your worth and finding a healthier relationship.

Hence, in a nutshell, when someone shows consistent signs of disinterest, manipulation, and exploitation in a relationship, it’s time to reassess its value and prioritize your own well-being. Trust your instincts and choose a healthier path forward.

In the tapestry of human existence, few threads are as enduring and cherished as the bonds we form in love. Relationships that withstand the trials of time possess certain timeless traits that contribute to their longevity and resilience. Let us know about the key elements that characterize thriving relationships, making them stand the test of time as shared by Delhi’s eminent marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this article.

What are the signs of a thriving relationship?

Couples therapist Shivani Sadhoo says, some of the traits to observe are:

1. Communication is Key: Effective communication is the cornerstone of any enduring relationship. Couples who openly express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns create a foundation of understanding and trust. Sharing both joys and challenges fosters a deeper connection and allows partners to grow together. In thriving relationships, communication is not just about talking but also about active listening, empathy, and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives.
2. Mutual Respect: Respect is the bedrock upon which enduring love is built. Thriving relationships are characterized by a deep and abiding respect for each other’s individuality, values, and aspirations. Partners who value and honor each other’s autonomy are more likely to weather the storms of life together. Respect forms the basis for compromise, collaboration, and the ability to navigate differences with grace and understanding.
3. Trust and Transparency: Trust is the lifeblood of lasting relationships. Partners who trust each other implicitly create an environment of emotional safety. Thriving relationships are marked by transparency and honesty, as secrets and deception erode the foundation of trust. Building trust takes time, but the dividends it pays in the form of a solid, enduring connection are immeasurable.
4. Shared Values and Goals: Couples who share common values and long-term goals tend to have relationships that stand the test of time. While individual interests and pursuits are important, a shared vision for the future provides a sense of unity and purpose. Whether it’s building a family, pursuing career aspirations together, or sharing common hobbies, having shared goals creates a sense of partnership that strengthens the bond over the years.
5. Adaptability and Flexibility: Life is a dynamic journey, filled with unexpected twists and turns. Thriving relationships exhibit adaptability and flexibility in the face of change. Partners who can navigate challenges together, adjusting their course as needed, are better equipped to sustain their connection over time. The ability to grow individually and as a couple, while embracing change with resilience, is a hallmark of relationships that endure.
6. Emotional Support and Vulnerability: In thriving relationships, partners are each other’s pillars of strength. Emotional support and vulnerability are interwoven threads that create a tapestry of intimacy. Being able to lean on each other during difficult times and share vulnerabilities fosters a deep emotional connection. It is through these shared experiences that bonds are strengthened, creating a love that can withstand the trials of life.

Relationships that stand the test of time are characterized by a combination of effective communication, mutual respect, trust, shared values, adaptability, and emotional support. Cultivating these traits requires effort, commitment, and a genuine investment in the well-being of the relationship. As the journey of love unfolds, couples who embody these enduring qualities are better equipped to build a legacy of lasting, thriving love.

Marriage, a sacred union between two individuals, is a profound life decision that significantly influences the course of one’s existence. The timing of such a commitment plays a crucial role in its success. While societal norms often emphasize the importance of marrying early, there exists a compelling argument that marrying the wrong person prematurely can be far more detrimental than waiting until later in life.

Why is getting married late better than marrying the wrong person early?

Leading couples therapist and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares her views on this question in this blog.

The Rush to Commitment:

Society’s expectations and cultural norms often pressure individuals to tie the knot at a relatively young age. The fear of being labelled “too old” or the societal perception that marriage is a milestone that must be achieved by a certain age can lead many to make hasty decisions in choosing a life partner. However, the consequences of rushing into a commitment of such magnitude without proper self-discovery and understanding of one’s needs can be profound.

The Importance of Self-Discovery:

Marrying the wrong person early in life often stems from a lack of self-awareness and understanding. In the rush to meet societal expectations, individuals may neglect their personal growth and development. The early twenties, a period often associated with self-discovery and career building, may not be the optimal time for everyone to make a lifelong commitment. People evolve and change over time, and marrying too early may limit the opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery.

Changing Priorities and Values:

In the early stages of adulthood, individuals are still in the process of shaping their identities, career paths, and personal values. Rushing into marriage without fully understanding these aspects can lead to a misalignment of priorities between partners. As individuals mature, their values and life goals may evolve, potentially causing strain on the relationship if the couple has not grown together or if they have grown in different directions.

The Toll on Mental and Emotional Well-being:

Marrying the wrong person can take a significant toll on one’s mental and emotional well-being. Early divorces, which often result from hastily made decisions, can be emotionally devastating. The process of untangling lives, shared assets, and emotional bonds can be far more complex and emotionally draining than waiting until later in life when individuals have a clearer sense of self and a more stable foundation.

The Benefits of Waiting:

On the other hand, waiting to get married allows individuals the time and space to explore their own identities fully. It provides the opportunity to establish a stable career, build a solid support network, and gain a deeper understanding of personal values and priorities. Waiting until later in life to commit to marriage often results in more mature, well-rounded individuals who are better equipped to navigate the complexities of a lifelong partnership.

Whereas, societal expectations may emphasize the importance of marrying early, the potential consequences of marrying the wrong person prematurely cannot be ignored. Taking the time to embark on a journey of self-discovery, career development, and personal growth can significantly enhance the chances of entering into a successful and fulfilling marriage later in life. Individuals must prioritize their well-being and growth before succumbing to societal pressures, recognizing that marrying late, with the right person, is a far wiser choice than rushing into a commitment that may not withstand the test of time.