Tag Archive : Best marriage Counsellor in Delhi

best marriage counselor in New Delhi Shivani Misri sadhoo

Tell-Tale Signs that Your Relationship Needs Counselling

When you hit the like button on your bestie’s ‘picture perfect relationship’ posts with her husband on social media and feel envious, just remember that those ‘oh-so-cute’ photos have been carefully curated, edited, and filtered just to garner attention and appreciation from friends, relatives, strangers, and acquaintances. However, in real life, there are no filters. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

Relationships undergo a series of trials and tribulations. In any relationship, conflict is inevitable, but it is critical to recognize when it is a red flag. However, it is not the end of the world. Just like we consult a doctor when we fall sick, couples too can take help from relationship counsellors to save their relationship from falling apart.

Many times, couples feel embarrassed by the idea of seeking help and avoid seeing a therapist. But, believe it or not, couples counseling really helps. Even a healthy relationship can benefit from it. So, how do you know that your relationship needs counseling? Here are a few signs to look out for according to New Delhi’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

best marriage counselor in new delhi shivani misri sadhoo
  • Communication gap: Communication is the key to all successful relationships. In order to understand each other, couples need to communicate well. And always remember that communication is a two-way process. If you want yourself to be heard, you too must lend your ear whenever your partner wants to share their feelings and emotions. So, if you really feel that your partner constantly withdraws from an interaction or simply avoids confronting the issues, then this is a classic case of stonewalling. This is where a counselor may be able to break down the wall between you two and help with proper communication.
  • Lack of intimacy: Do you suddenly feel that your relationship has lost its spark? Although the honeymoon phase may not last forever, the feeling of togetherness must not fade away. Lack of physical and emotional intimacy can affect your relationship badly. Talking to a relationship counselor might help.
  • Too many arguments: As mentioned earlier in this article, arguments are an inevitable part of any relationship. Arguments are not necessarily bad. It is the way people handle them that makes a difference. Sometimes conflicts blow out of proportion. Couples must ‘agree to disagree’ to resolve a conflict in a healthy way. Relationship counselors can help you diffuse disagreements in a calm and composed way and make sure you respect and love each other.
  • Lack of trust: Trust is the cornerstone of a strong and successful relationship. Once broken, it is difficult to rebuild. Many times, couples fail to comprehend the real reason for this lack of trust. And that’s where a relationship expert comes into the picture. A counselor can help couples decode the real reasons for mistrust and help them rebuild it.
  • An Affair: No relationship is ever without flaws. But, if you or your partner are thinking of having or already having an affair, then there’s something seriously wrong with your relationship. The very thought of having an affair is a clear indication that you are seeking something your partner or better half cannot provide you with. This is regardless of whether it is an emotional or physical desire. If you have had an affair already or are planning to have one, then it is high time you consider taking help from a relationship counselor. This will help repair that breach of trust.
  • Transition: Even though change is the only constant in this life, any significant change in your life, whether it is getting married, having a child, buying a house, getting sick, or even changing careers, can create friction in relationships. Getting help from a counselor may be the best way to help you deal with change effectively.
importance of romantic gateway relationship counseling

Reasons You and Your Special One Should Take that Romantic Getaway

Modern life has become so hectic that even 24 hours is not enough. Our brains are busier than ever before. Finding time for each other sounds like an impossible task. But, sometimes we need to disconnect from the hustle and bustle of everyday life in order to reconnect with our significant other. The need of the hour is to spend some quality time together as a couple. And what could be more blissful than a romantic getaway far from the madding crowd? Let’s find out from Shivani Misri Sadhoo, India’s top marriage counsellor, how a romantic getaway can add magic to your relationship.

Makes your relationship stronger: Besides rejuvenating your soul, a romantic getaway makes you stronger as a couple. From hiking to scuba diving, and spa treatments to candlelit dinners, you spend time together from sunrise to sunset. This constant togetherness rekindles the spark and strengthens your relationship further.

Stress buster: Travelling together takes away all your worries. The change in environment makes you feel happier and healthier. With beautiful surroundings, your mind remains calm and composed. As a couple, you can savor these moments of peace and comfort. Studies reveal that regular romantic getaways improve your quality of life. The stress of your stressful days can be left behind, albeit temporarily.  

Renews intimacy: Romantic vacations bring two people closer. The bond of love and trust deepens. They get more comfortable with each other. This allows couples to confide in one another and become good friends. Spending time together in a romantic ambiance enhances emotional and physical intimacy in a relationship. It gives them the strength to handle tough situations together.

Know each other better: While traveling together you discover another side of your partner. You see your partner in a different light. Getting out of your comfort zone and exploring new places together simply helps you to know each other better. It develops mutual understanding, trust, and confidence.

Reduces conflicts: Travelling broadens your perspective. Romantic vacations give you the opportunity to accept and adjust to new circumstances where you learn the art of cooperation and coordination. This helps you to become a better problem solver. It reduces conflicts and disagreements.

Become happier: Taking time off from your busy schedule and traveling together helps to recharge your mood. By stepping away from their daily grind, their mind becomes stress-free. The mere act of planning a vacation together creates an environment of anticipation and excitement. This feeling of something to look forward to itself gives you a positive vibe. You feel happier as a couple.

Rekindles love: Sometimes romantic feelings fade away as life takes a roller coaster ride. Romantic trips can help you fall in love with each other once again by creating beautiful memories that you will cherish for a long time.

Takeaway

So, what are you waiting for? Stop making excuses and pack your bags for that much-awaited romantic vacation to come back home relaxed, recharged, and rejuvenated. 

Ways to Bolster Your Marriage and Avoid Divorce

Ways to Bolster Your Marriage and Avoid Divorce?

Shares India’s Leading Couples Therapist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

If marriages are truly made in heaven, then why are divorce rates increasing globally? Is it because of the pandemic or should we blame the 7-year itch? Whatever the reason, divorce is not a solution because problems do not disappear after a divorce. Nowadays, people have become accustomed to everything being disposable. We keep changing our gadgets, our jobs, and even our life partners. Many couples feel divorce is the only way of getting out of the routine. However, that is not true because even if you feel that your marriage is on the edge of collapsing, it is within the realm of repair.

So, if you’re wondering exactly what you should be doing to bolster your marriage and avoid divorce, scroll down to read a few ways suggested by Delhi’s top marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Expectations must be realistic: We feel upset when our expectations remain unfulfilled. Usually, marriages fail when partners cannot fulfil one another’s needs, leading to disappointments and disagreements, and in most cases, divorce. Learn to burn your resentments. Instead, sit and discuss which of the expectations are realistic enough to be fulfilled and what kind of adjustments can make things better.

Communicate daily: Proper communication will foster emotional intimacy that will strengthen the relationship further.

No secrets: Transparency is the best policy when it comes to any relationship. Let your better half know all about you—your ambitions and aspirations, your deep concerns, and your deep fears without invading your privacy. Being transparent builds trust and fosters intimacy and a sense of security in a relationship.

Laugh with each other: Love can keep a couple together, but shared laughter strengthens the bond between the two. Laughing and giggling with your partner helps to overcome stress and conflicts in a relationship thereby making it stronger. Laughter is indeed the best medicine.

Money matters: While it is true that money isn’t everything, yet one of the main reasons for divorce today, is related to finance. Couples must share their financial expectations to strengthen their marriage. Whether it is sharing your debt and credit status or combining of finances, you must be aware of each other’s financial goals.

Show kindness and respect: Mutual respect is one of the cornerstones of all successful marriages. Be kind and considerate towards each other. Marriage is all about the little things. Small gestures of love and appreciation add a whole new dimension to your relationship. Consider picking up her favorite coffee table book or flowers from the store. Use the golden words—pleasesorry, and thank you frequently.

Bottom line

Marriage is all about sharing and caring. A marriage is built day by day and brick by brick, just as Rome was not built in a day. A lot of work goes into living “happily ever after”. So, keep investing in your relationship and make the right changes that will bring sunshine to your life.

tips for Rough Patches in a Relationship

5 Ways to Sail Through Rough Patches in a Relationship

As Suggested by Couples Therapist Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

When a train passes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineman.  Life is not always about roses and rainbows or chocolates and candies. There are good times and bad times. Good relationships and bad relationships. You just need to stay strong and have faith; things will work out slowly.

Has your partner left you confused lately? Do you feel unloved or unwanted? Have you stopped listening to each other? Do you keep arguing over petty issues? Stop burying your head in the sand and pretending that everything is alright.

It is an alarming time that you address these issues. Let us find out the ways to deal with a rough patch in your relationship as suggested by Delhi’s top marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Walking down memory lane: Remembering the good old days can bring back that spark in your relationship. Flipping through the pages of an old album or scrolling through your social media photos can add positivity to your relationship.

Break the silence: Silence is not always golden. Communicate with each other. Discuss your problems. Communication is effective only when both the speaker and listener cooperate with each other. Both partners need to listen, understand and respect each other’s point of view. Only then will this problem be solved.

Learn to forgive: Let bygones be bygones! Research suggests that the act of forgiveness can improve your mental and physical well-being. Isn’t that good news? While it is not easy to let go of past grudges and bitterness, forgiveness can act as a healing balm for your wounded relationship. We must always remember that;

‘Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.’

Spend more quality time together: Make a ‘couple’s bucket list. Do things that may or may not excite you but make sure you do it together. Plan secret dates for each other. Go for long walks. The more time you spend together, the closer you will get to each other and this will help you understand each other better.

It takes two people to make or break a relationship: It takes two to make a relationship work. No matter how much you try to be good, your partner will have to put in equal effort to make the relationship work. Love is not solely about finding a good partner. It is also about you, being a good partner.

Sometimes conflict also gives you the opportunity to understand, appreciate and embrace differences. So, whatever happens, don’t give up. Make sure that you give your heart to the same person every time.

daiting tips by shivani misri sadhoo

Red and Green Flags You Must Watch when Dating Someone?

Watch Out for the Red and Green Flags of Dating – Shares Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo

Getting to know someone actually you really like is a wonderful experience. You feel as if you will conquer the whole world. You stay up the entire night getting to know that special person and daydreaming about when you may see them again. And there is a nice reason for this.

Human beings are designed to bond with other humans. When you date, oxytocin is released into your brain. This helps you to bond. Dopamine releases to make you feel happy and elated when in the presence of your special person.

Due to this, you are not necessarily seeing clearly. You seem to minimize or completely ignore the bad and maximize the good. When you opt for something that does not feel right or a characteristic you do not like, you perhaps justify it or explain it away. This is the reason it is hard to recognize red flags at the initial stages of your relationship. Your body form does not want you to.

Fortunately, there is certainly research on what makes certain couples the “masters” and others the “disasters” of relationships. Relationship counselor Shivani believes you can use it as early as the first date to begin paying attention to whether or not you wish to continue with the other person.

Read on this blog by eminent couples therapist in India Shivani Misri Sadhoo that shares clues that you need to watch out for while you are dating someone.

couples counselling shivani misri sadhoo

Red flags

So what actually makes a couple a “disaster”? One of the top predictors of that is the utilization of something according to Dr. John Gottman who called “The Four Horsemen,” which is a play about the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” coming to indicate the end of times.

The Four Horsemen basically are:

  • Criticism – Describing flaws in character within your partner
  • Defensiveness – Not taking responsibility for your part
  • Contempt – Belittling and taking a superior position
  • Stonewalling – Shutting out your partner or shutting down

You can begin to notice whether or not these are visible in your relationship even in the initial phases. What may look like?

Criticism

If a person that you are dating, often criticizes you or other people, you may notice them saying words such as “always” or “never.” For instance, “you are always very late” or “you never think about me at night!”

Defensiveness

Defensiveness seems like counter-criticizing, over-explaining, or justifying actions, or playing the victim. If you are dating and bring up an issue that you have and the other individual responds defensively, that could be something to watch out for. It might look like them saying, “I know I keep showing up late but I truly have a very busy job. Why do not you get that?”

Stonewalling

Stonewalling is mostly the outcome of physiological overwhelm. This means the individual that is stonewalling perhaps has a racing heart and a rush of stress hormones. If you are with someone who is stonewalling, it will appear as if the other individual is zoned out or could not care less about what you are saying. You may experience this during the starting conflict. Probably the other person goes disappeared or is offline and becomes unresponsive.

Contempt

This one is quite important to watch out for. Contemptuous is the most damaging of the horsemen. Contempt seems when someone holds on a position of superiority. It could sound like put-downs or mean-spirited sarcasm.

Other instances of contempt are laughing at you (not with you), putting down your own interests or profession, or taking on a position of being better than you in a certain capacity. If someone shows contempt in the initial stages of dating, this is one big red flag. So now that you have looked at what you need to avoid, let us look at what you need to look for.

Green flags

Fortunately, it did not just stop with studying the disasters of relationships. There was an attempt to know what it was the masters did differently. In the research, Dr. Gottman found the antidotes to the Four Horsemen, which are counteractive behaviors for each of the above.

When you are in the process to know someone, look for them. It is a good sign they can manage conflict and show you respect, even while you differ.

Gentle Start-up

Instead of becoming critical, the masters of relationships discuss their problems and complaints by initiating the conversation gently. They also look to follow a formula of “I noticed this, I feel that, I need this” when discussing what is troubling them, instead of being accusatory “You always do this, you need to do that, why don’t you…

Responsibility taking

Rather than being defensiveness, you want to take proper responsibility for your part. It means that you own even the tiniest piece of the problem when it is there. Individuals who take responsibility listen to their partner when they have a problem, validate the issues, and take pause prior to responding.

This could sound like one partner saying, “Hey, I have noticed that when we go out with your friends, I am left all alone in the corner. I feel truly awkward in those moments. I require you to stay by my side a bit more until I get to know them” (a gentle start-up). In turn, the other individual responds non-defensively by saying, “You are correct. I should not walk away from you like that. I can imagine it is uneasy when you don’t know everyone yet.”

Self-soothing 

Everyone gets upset. It is human to have overwhelming emotions momentarily. However, those that do well in relationships seem to take responsibility for soothing themselves and they have partners who are willing to let them take the time they want to self-soothe. It means that when someone needs a break, they take it and the other individual provides them space.

Contempt

To overcome contempt, the individual expressing it requires to lean into recognizing and expressing their own feelings. They perhaps also need to explore their earlier experiences that are leading them to feel anger or hostility toward their partner. Rather than showing contempt and saying “I cannot believe you are late. You disgust me,” a partner who can properly express themselves may say, “When you are late, I feel so upset.”

The conclusion

The initiation of the relationship is full of happy hormones that want you to bond (and mate) with your newfound significant other. Learning to identify the signs of a healthy partner can assist you to override some of those hormones and see a little more clearly.

Watch out for people who are critical, defensive, withdrawn, and contemptuous. The use of these conducts doesn’t imply that you should not be in a relationship with them, but it actually means you need to get curious regarding how they respond when you set boundaries around those sorts of behaviors.

Eventually, you want a partner who is gentle with you (even when you are upset), able to take responsibility for his or her actions (even when it’s difficult), works with you to soothe your emotional systems, and own your past pain and resentment so that he or she don’t inflict it upon you.

Shivani Misri Sadhoo is a Gottman Certified Therapist. Every day several couples and individuals seek her professional advice. Be it about their relationships or psychological or behavioral issues.

couples therapist shivani misri sadhoo

Biggest Mistakes Couples Commit Before They Get Married

Some of the biggest Mistakes Couples Commit Before They Get Married Explains Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

So, you could only talk about all the great things that come along with your marriage, or you can be realistic and prepare yourself with what you really require to make your marriage last and successful yep, you could be in an extremely different world and walk around wearing rose-colored glasses. But divorces yet happen.

Then there is a new generation who are actually realistic about their marriage and up for the challenge to do what it takes to make the marriage one that they can be proud of and really enjoy.

Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo concedes that in her career as a therapist she had the honor of stepping into people’s relationships and supporting them to connect a few dots that had been left out post the marriage. She further adds that she has witnessed the ups and downs rights and lefts and crossroads in between.

Here are very common mistakes that couples commit before they got married that eventually turned out to be the cause of their separation or divorce. Through this blog India’s eminent couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo is going to share these mistakes, further hoping that you will be different and have a better probability as a couple.

marriage counselling shivani misri sadhoo

Getting married because of all the “wrong” reasons

Indeed it is the bitter truth, but the reality is several couples simply dive into the marriage because of certain or several wrong reasons. Depending upon each individual and also couples.

Some of the listed examples are:

  • You feel pressurised due to friends, family, relatives, and yourself or get an ultimatum from your partner if in a relationship.
  • You have been dating for quite some time and it’s simply time.
  • Your friends or peers have kids, now you wish to have kids
  • Compare yourself to friends, and acquaintances and do not want to get old and be the sole one not married.
  • You think you are all alone, and for simply that you need a partner.
  • Another bitter reality is that certain individuals simply want to get married so that they can enjoy physical gratification.

Do not know themselves completely

The most essential relationship you will ever have is the sole one you have with yourself. If you do not take the time to get to know yourself completely, your values, your passions, your limitations, and your deal breakers, your challenges, or complexities how could you ever share them with your partner?

One of the most crucial things you need to do in an attempt to make your marriage work successfully is to know yourself fully and be able to articulate your needs, desires and wants to your spouse in a manner they understand and want to provide them to you.

Lapsing while discussing goals

You are either able to let your marriage happen to you or you can make it happen the manner you want it to be developing goals and a vision that you can both get equally excited about. Having goals not just provides a common passion for you to work on together as a team, but it also lends excitement to your relationship since, you now have things to look ahead to.

Getting too clouded by the thought of a wedding

Alright, you cannot leave out the wedding. True, it is all quite exciting and has its own place in the process. Simply, do not make it the sole thing you think about. Make it awesome, but do not allow reality to subside in an effort to get into a flower and cake fantasy story. Doing that has the strength to blind you to the ground realities that will come along with being a new wife or husband.

Never do some sort of preparation and actually investigate and educate themselves

Certain research indicates that merely twelve marriage preparation sessions lower your odds of divorce by close to 50%. Also, there is a marriage movement going on where marriage coaches, educators, and experts everywhere are giving ridiculous amounts of information, tips, and skills for engaged couples to support and prepare for their marriage. In fact, there are couples who say they’d never have an unsupervised marriage.

When you get ready and have someone to assist you to navigate and negotiating, it makes things a lot better and easier. You know as they say, “work smarter, not harder!” It also fits for marriage.  Now there is no excuse, since, the information is out there. You will not go swimming or drive a car without learning how correct? So why would you even commit to a life of something that too with someone without learning how? Never do it.

Do not ask relevant and sufficient questions

Asking questions beforehand and the most essentially relevant question in your relationship is one of the most vital and inexpensive ways to form a solid foundation for your marriage. Talking regarding roles, household responsibilities, finances, in-laws, social activities, intimacy, sex, and various other important topics can create a world of a difference in the future of your marriage.

Hopefully, you will learn from the mistakes of several others who have taken the path you are about to initiate. Remember though, a mistake is not MANDATORILY a bad thing. In an attempt to truly experience love in its purest manner, you should be willing to take risks. If you never take any sort of risk, you would never commit any “mistakes.”

And if you never do any mistakes then you will never learn about the proper way to do things for yourself and subsequently for your partner.  So embrace life and never beat yourself up if you make an error, simply make certain you learn something from it to take ahead with you.

No doubt that marriages never work on a fixed formula, but being prepared and doing the right things at the right time can certainly save plenty of heartaches.

different kind of infidelity - marriage counseling

5 Different Kinds of Infidelity – Shares Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo

If you have ever been the victim of infidelity, the first thing you probably asked was, “why?” The outcomes of infidelity are numerous, and it is just natural to seek to know why your partner opts to cheat, even if knowing why does not bring you any relief. There might be any number of reasons, and there are several kinds of infidelity and cheating that could shed some light on those reasons, opines Shivani.

Infidelity, or cheating, is an act of being unfaithful to your partner. It usually, means engaging in sexual or romantic relations with another person other than his or her significant other, damaging a commitment or promise in the act.

Each instance of infidelity is different and fulfills a distinct need. Even though knowing why a partner cheated probably would not lessen any pain or anger you feel, being capable to rationalize the behavior and define it will allay some confusion. It could also help you feel more confident in terms of how to move forward from the situation, whether that means working on healing your relationship or moving on or should you decide to split up.

Learn more through this blog by India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo where she explains five forms of cheating and things to do if you find yourself the victim of infidelity. Here are the types:

Opportunistic Infidelity

Opportunistic infidelity happens when one person is in love and attached to their partner, but succumbs to their sexual urge and desire for someone else. Generally, this sort of cheating is driven through situational circumstances or opportunity, risk-taking conduct. Shivani says not every act of infidelity is premeditated and forced by dissatisfaction with a current relationship. Perhaps, two individuals were drinking or in some other manner thrown into an opportunity they never anticipated.

Post the fact, the more in love a person is with their significant other, the more guilt they will feel as a result of their physical encounter. However, feelings of guilt seem to fade as the fear of being caught abates.

Obligatory infidelity

This sort of infidelity is formed on the fear that resisting someone’s sexual advances will have an outcome in rejection. People might have feelings of sexual longing, love, and attachment for a partner, but still, end up cheating since they have a strong requirement for approval. Also, their need for approval could cause them to act in a manner that is at odds compared to their other feelings. In simple words, some people cheat, not due to the fact they want to cheat, but because they require the approval that comes besides having the attention of others.

Commemorative Infidelity

This kind of infidelity happens when a person is in a committed relationship but has no feelings for their other half. There is no sexual desire, love, or attachment, just a sense of obligation to keep the couple together. Lacking love and lacking commitment to a present romantic partner are both linked to general feelings of relationship dissatisfaction.

These kinds of people justify cheating by telling themselves they have every right to look for what they are not availing of in their present relationship. Unfulfilled sexual needs could easily come into play here. Perhaps, in their established relationship, individuals are not engaging in the frequency of sex, the pattern of sex, or certain sexual behaviors that they aspire to. This could contribute to their logic to cheat.

Romantic Infidelity

At times (but not always) a deficit in a present relationship leads people to have extradyadic affairs. This sort of infidelity happens when the cheater has a small emotional attachment to their partner. They might be committed to their marriage and making it work, but they desire an intimate, loving connection with someone else.

More than possibly, their commitment to the marriage will stop them from ever leaving their spouse. Romantic infidelity means agony for the other man or woman and the cheating partner, rarely does it go into a long-term, committed relationship. Marital issues have to be quite severe prior to a spouse will leave the marriage for another individual.

Conflicted Romantic Infidelity

This happens when people experience true love and sexual desire for more than one individual at a time. Despite the idealistic notion of having just one true love, it is possible to feel intense romantic love for several people at the same time. While such scenarios are emotionally possible, they are quite complicated and seem to create plenty of anxiety and stress. In this scenario, cheating partners, in their effort not to cause anyone harm, mostly end up hurting everyone.

What to do after being cheated on

Now that whatever confusion you have hopefully been assuaged, it is up to you to decide what kind of steps to take next. Several marriages and relationships can survive infidelity, but whether or not yours will survive depends on what sort of infidelity took place and how much work you are both willing to put in. It is simply common sense to know that an opportunistic or a habitual cheater will cheat irrespective of how many times their cheating has been discovered and forgiven. Having said that any other reasons why your partner cheated do not mean they would not cheat again, so bear that in mind while deciding what steps to take next.

faling in love again marriage therapy

How to Fall in Love Again, Post Coming Out of a Traumatic Relationship?

Scenario: You look back on life post your last, specifically toxic breakup with a newfound sense of contentment and peace. You were in a relationship with someone who hardly ever valued your time and was never emotionally present. Then started the gaslighting: denying your feelings, not acknowledging at all the very real issues plaguing your relationship, always looking for an easier way out. Sounds familiar? Perhaps for many.

Your relationship always hurts you and you are still trying to come to terms with reality. You are not thinking about falling in love again, since it is out of the question for you now. You are now terrified of love. Fearing if you fall in love again, someone may again take the part of you and turn their back

Shivani says individuals who have had traumatic breakups show physical and emotional signs of distress. In several cases, intrusive thoughts occur. The abandonment issues simply got worse while a few lose the ability to care about others and keep a distance. In certain scenarios, trauma is not mandatorily a by-product of a bad romantic relationship but has deeper roots during childhood.

India’s eminent Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some ways to come out of trauma and fall in love again.

Unmask and counter the traumatic experiences

People are mostly unaware of the patterns that are an outcome of traumatic experiences. If you are fearful of falling in love again, it could be because you are holding on to a pattern of mistrust. Actively acknowledging, addressing, and countering your trauma with a therapist is the first healthy measure in the process. Find a qualified counselor who can navigate how many levels of trauma can impact you. It is a journey you should take in a safe environment. Do not lose patience. Unmask your traumas in a systematic and gradual method rather than startling yourself into it.

Understand trauma is just a part, not your complete self

A parts approach to navigate through traumas. Trauma never completely goes away and anyone telling you the same otherwise is only deluding you. But you can regulate it. You start by acknowledging that your traumas do not form the whole of you but just a part of you. Otherwise, you will end up giving your traumas plenty of power.

Re-develop your self-esteem

Once you acknowledge and understand your trauma plenty of healing can begin happening. Coming out of a traumatic relationship not just means the ostensible loss of the relationship itself, but also a loss of your sense of future. It is essential to keep the two separate in order to re-cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself. Your identity gets attached to them and you cannot imagine your life without them. This is why, it is vital to stay away from any addictions, specifically, casual sex and hookups. Everyone wants to heal quickly and move on swiftly but there is a shortcut. Take your time to heal. A break-up is a good time to reset. Search inward and begin with trusting yourself again.

Form a healthy support mechanism

People mostly become victims of confirmation bias—seeking and concentrating just on those experiences around them that confirm their fears. Let’s say you had a break-up and you constantly surround yourself with people who also faced a break-up and they are constantly feeding your mind with something. This is in spite of the fact that your circumstances are completely different from theirs. After all, all break-ups are not the same. This is an outcome of confirmation bias and you need to avoid validating your fears. It is important that you do not surround yourself with people who will belittle your experiences or gaslight you. Surround yourself with positive people or at best seek a therapist.

Be rational with evaluating the threat

Probably the sole bright thing about coming out of traumas, specifically in romantic relationships, is that you end up being truly aware of any red flags. That is if you are not repeating the same pattern again. But mostly, in the process of avoiding any red flags, people end up being overly cautious with potential partners. It is vital to not be hyperactive. You need to distinguish between red flags and the normal imperfections in any relationship.

Probe yourself, and how it serves you

When you end up isolating yourself because of bad past experiences, that way you simply end up further hurting yourself in that process. You need to interrogate yourself: What are you safeguarding yourself from? By living in an illusion, that no one will have the ability to hurt you if you do not go out, you are anyway still going to hurt because of the loneliness that comes with that mindset.

Do you think your relationship is healthy

Do You Think Your Relationship is Healthy? 

Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo shares 3 must-have qualities for long-lasting love

A healthy relationship or marriage is commonly defined by the couple’s bonding condition where both the partners feel connected to each other and they feel satisfied with how the relationship is growing. A healthy relationship is best suited to travel through all difficult stages of life and survive the iron of time. But unfortunately, that does not happen too often. Many a time we witness couples who are happy today face issues like infidelity, breakups, and disinterest in sex in the future.

So many may, question, why relationships that are happy and fine today, can break tomorrow?

India’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo suggests it happens because many times, couples fail to identify if their current non-problematic relationship is actually healthy or not? They fail to identify unhealthy relationships on time and thus fail to take correction steps, effectively on time.

In today’s blog, Shivani Sadhoo shares 5 key qualities of a healthy relationship, that can help couples if something.

1.  Both the partners can communicate clearly
Many a time, one partner does all the talking and the other just listens, the person who does the most talking may identify the relationship as healthy, but what about the partner who might have stopped expressing him or herself. Thus, clear and direct communication by both partners is the first sign of a healthy relationship.

2. Partner’s trust

The second sign of a healthy relationship, is the partner’s complete trust for each other in all key areas of marital life like money, investment, parenting style, faithfulness, and others. Plus, each partner respects the other’s decision on these matters.

3. Partner feels independent

A healthy relationship does not mean staying happy together at cost of sacrificing self-identity and personal space. It’s important that the couples have their own identity independent of their partners. This means having your own interests and hobbies, or your own friendship circle that is separate from your relationship.

But this also doesn’t mean that the husband goes to a party every Saturday night while the wife waits at home and she takes care of home chores and children alone. Make it a collaborative effort, husband must understand and express the gratitude for wife’s contribution if she is a housewife and alternately both husband and wife should take out time to spend quality time together as well as to spend some time for their individual interests.

Are You Afraid of Flying? Essential Tips that Will Help You Overcome Aerophobia

You are planning to travel, so you booked a flight ticket. You fulfilled all the procedures, and you have double-checked your belongings. Everything looks good except for a thing. It’s that you cannot stand the thought of getting inside a plane.

Your palms begin sweating, your heart palpitating, your breathing goes up, and your mind starts racing with all kinds of dangerous thoughts. For some people, flying can be downright terrifying.

Psychologist Shivani says fear of flying, also called as Aerophobia, impacts nearly 2.5 to 6.5% of the population. When you board a plane, you will see out it’s not only you who is anxious. There are other passengers too that are tightly holding their seats with their eyes wide open.

The good thing is that several tested techniques can help calm your restless mind.

Technology is improving, and flying has become more secure with every passing day. Thus, there’s not much to worry about in the first instance. It’s only a matter of opting for the right approaches and thinking that will make your flying experience a whole lot comfortable.

This blog by India’s top Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo focusses on the tips that will help you overcome aerophobia.

Here are some of them.

Be Aware of Your Fears

Your anxiety can become quite creative while you’re flying. Your mind keeps providing you with thoughts about all the things that may go wrong. An overactive mind can magnify an issue and present it to be larger than it is.

So, it is very essential to be aware of your thoughts so you can understand and manage them when things begin getting out of hand. And this is when mindfulness comes in.

The gist of mindfulness is being aware of your fearful and irrational thoughts, so they do not overcome you. When you are aware of where your mind is going, you have the ability to stop those thoughts before they overpower you.

You can also, attempt to get a mindfulness app to assist you with guided meditations while you wait at the airport or even when you are heading to the airport. It helps lower stress and gets a better understanding of things.

Reach Airport Early

The last thing that you have to worry about is reaching the airport late or missing your flight. If you are late, you will panic and may have additional problems with security. The added stress will make it more complicated to manage your fear of flying, and things could go in a downward spiral.

Reaching the airport earlier will ensure you do not have to panic about anything. While you are at the airport, take a small walk or just chill out for a while. It will reduce anxiety and will make you relaxed.

Prepare Properly at Home

You don’t have to reach the airport and find out that you forgot something or that you have to buy something that you can’t get to the airport.

Also, it is recommended not to consume any hard drink or caffeinated beverages prior to you board a plane. Having them can make you even more stressed. Energy drinks can also quantify adrenaline levels, so they’re also not a wise idea. Also, have light meals before leaving for the airport.

Have everything collected and packed at your home and check twice, so you don’t have to worry regarding anything additional when you reach the airport.

Have Faith in Your Pilots and Technology

You may not know but traveling by airplane is by far the safest mode of travel worldwide. Yes, you read it right. Your chances of meeting an accident while flying are about 1 in 11 Million.

The pilots who are flying the plane are experienced professionals and have a complete education about everything they need to know. Aviation schools are demanding, and the pilots have to prove their mettle through several stress training before they get to be in an actual aircraft with people.

Airplanes are built to survive turbulence even in the most extreme cases. Airplane engines are made with 99.999% reliability, even in the highly unlikely possibility of engine failure, your plane can easily land without any concern.

Trust the cabin crew and engineering. They can manage even the most severe cases, so you are in safe hands.

Get Yourself Distracted

An empty mind will keep fueling your anxiety. It’s always good to distract yourself when you are inside the plane. If your mind is diverted, it will not have time to overthink any unwarranted fears.

So, carry a book with you or download some music on your phone so you can listen to it mid-flight. Crack a conversation with the passenger sitting nearby or try something that keeps your mind off from the fearful thoughts.

Imagine about the Place, You are Traveling To

Just envision all the delicious foods you’ll have or the places you will visit or the people you will meet once you get to your planned destination. Getting excited is another good way to entertain and distract your mind.

When you think about all the good things that are about to come, you will not only feel happier but also less stressed. Also, look at the people sitting beside you. They look confident and enjoying their flight, so why shouldn’t you?

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.