Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

How would you feel when you accidentally find out that your husband, whom you love dearly, is cheating on you? Once the initial shock wears off, you may find yourself cycling through various emotions, much like the stages of grief. Initially, there’s disbelief and perhaps a reluctance to accept the reality of the betrayal. Then, as the truth sinks in, pain and anger may set in.

But why do people cheat?

From a lack of attention or affection to deep-seated insecurities, the motivations for infidelity are myriad. It’s not just about physical transgressions; emotional betrayals cut just as deep. While men may reel more from physical infidelity, women often place a high value on emotional fidelity. So, what would you do in such circumstances? Should you forgive him or ignore it completely and let bygones be bygones?

How do you deal with your cheating husband?

India’s top marriage counselor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo answers your question in this article.

Verify The Facts First

First things first. Before jumping to conclusions, it’s crucial to gather solid evidence if you suspect your husband is cheating. Your gut feeling might be telling you something’s off, but you can’t accuse him without proof.

Take time to investigate: Is it innocent chatting or something more? Could it be work-related? Figure out the nature of his relationship with the other person. Look for concrete evidence like messages or meeting details before confronting him. Confirm your suspicions before taking action because wrongly accusing him can harm your relationship trust. It’s better to be sure than sorry.

Try and find out the reason

Once you’ve gathered the facts, exploring the real reason behind your husband’s infidelity is essential. It might be tough to ask and even tougher to hear, but understanding the root cause can be pivotal in moving forward.

It could unveil hidden relationship issues needing attention or reveal feelings of neglect or dissatisfaction. An open and honest conversation about infidelity’s catalyst can offer clarity and aid in both of your healing processes. Keep an open mind during this discussion to prevent your husband from shutting down or merely telling you what you want to hear.

Consider Your Feelings

When you discover your partner’s unfaithfulness, it’s important to prioritize your emotional well-being. Consider whether you feel comfortable sharing a living space with them as you process this betrayal. It’s okay to need space to think things through. If necessary, arrange for separate sleeping arrangements to give each other room to reflect. Take time to acknowledge and mourn the loss of trust in the relationship. Creating a safe environment to process these emotions is vital for your healing journey.

Don’t Look Back

There is no point in endlessly replaying conversations or questioning every detail when dealing with a cheating spouse. It’s natural to feel betrayed and wonder about what else may have been hidden, but dwelling on the past only leads to negativity and mistrust. Instead, focus on moving forward and healing, looking towards the future rather than getting stuck in hypotheticals. By working through the stages of healing and eventually forgiving both your partner and yourself, you can find peace and rebuild trust in your relationship.

Don’t involve the children

It is not wise to discuss your husband’s infidelity with your children. While it may seem tempting to seek revenge by exposing his actions, it can deeply affect your kids. They might not understand the complexity of the situation and could be scarred emotionally. Involving them could also make them feel scared and insecure about the stability of their family.

It’s important to shield them from this pain and turmoil. Keep things as normal as possible at home and refrain from involving extended family to avoid gossip and division. Instead of seeking revenge, focus on your own healing and well-being, for the sake of your children’s happiness and security.

It is quite clear from these steps that addressing infidelity in a relationship requires patience, understanding, and prioritizing emotional well-being. By verifying facts, exploring reasons, focusing on healing, and protecting children, couples can navigate this challenging journey with empathy and grace. If needed, seek support from a relationship counsellor or psychologist for guidance and resolution in processing and healing from infidelity.

The discovery of infidelity often triggers a profound emotional upheaval. Betrayal can elicit a range of intense feelings, including anger, sadness, confusion, and even self-doubt. The betrayed partner may find themselves grappling with a rollercoaster of emotions that challenge their sense of self-worth and the very fabric of the relationship. It’s during these tumultuous times that one must approach the path to healing with utmost care and a commitment to preserving self-respect.

What are the things you should never do after being cheated on?

Leading marriage counselor and relationship expert, Shivani Misri Sadhoo suggests the things you should never do after being cheated on:

Don’t Jump to Conclusions: Discovering infidelity is emotionally charged, and the immediate reaction might be anger, sadness, or a combination of both. However, resist the urge to make impulsive decisions or accusations. Take the time to gather your thoughts, assess the situation, and communicate openly with your partner.

Avoid Retaliatory Cheating: Seeking revenge by engaging in retaliatory infidelity may seem like a way to level the playing field, but it only perpetuates a cycle of hurt and destruction. Instead, focus on understanding the root causes of the infidelity and deciding whether the relationship can be rebuilt.

Don’t Bottle Up Your Emotions: Suppressing emotions can lead to long-term issues such as resentment and anxiety. Allow yourself to feel the pain, betrayal, and sadness. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who can provide a safe space for you to express your emotions.

Avoid Public Humiliation: Refrain from publicly shaming your partner on social media or within your social circle. While it’s natural to seek support, airing your grievances in a public forum can have long-lasting consequences and make the healing process more challenging.

Don’t Play the Blame Game: Although infidelity is a breach of trust, it’s essential to recognize that relationships are complex, and blaming one party entirely may oversimplify the situation. Engage in open communication to understand the factors that contributed to the infidelity without assigning sole responsibility.

Avoid Rushing into Decisions: The aftermath of infidelity is not the ideal time to make major life decisions, such as ending the relationship or filing for divorce. Give yourself the necessary time to process emotions and make decisions with a clear and rational mindset.

Don’t Ignore Self-Care: Neglecting self-care during this challenging time can lead to physical and mental health issues. Prioritize your well-being by maintaining a healthy lifestyle, seeking professional help if needed, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

Avoid Excessive Monitoring: While rebuilding trust is essential, constantly monitoring your partner’s every move can hinder the healing process. Striking a balance between transparency and autonomy is crucial for rebuilding trust in a relationship.

Don’t Rush into a New Relationship: Rebound relationships may offer temporary distraction but rarely provide a solid foundation for emotional healing. Take the time to focus on personal growth and healing before entering into a new relationship.

Avoid Making Permanent Decisions in a Temporary State: Infidelity creates a tumultuous emotional state, and making permanent decisions during such turmoil may lead to regrets later on. Give yourself the time and space needed to make decisions that align with your long-term goals and values.

The aftermath of infidelity is undoubtedly challenging, but navigating it with a level head, self-respect, and a commitment to personal growth can lead to healing and, in some cases, the rebuilding of trust in the relationship. Remember, everyone’s journey is unique, and seeking professional guidance can be a valuable resource in the process of recovery.