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Mistakes We Make While Looking for Love

Why is it that finding love often feels like stumbling through a maze blindfolded? We all have our preferences, our checkboxes, and our ideal visions of a perfect partner. Yet, despite our best efforts, we often find ourselves making mistakes along the way.

What kind of mistakes do we make while looking for love?

Let’s get to know about the same from India’s leading marriage counselor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

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Having Great Expectations

Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes people make when searching for love is having oversized expectations. They hope for a fairy-tale romance without any hiccups. But always remember that real relationships require effort. We often pressure ourselves to find love by a certain deadline and rush to advance to the next stage within a specific timeline.

However, each relationship and person is unique, so our expectations going into dating shouldn’t be the same for everyone we meet; everyone is on their own path. Instead of imposing deadlines, we should be open and accepting of ‘what will be, will be’ and enjoy the moment. Putting pressure on ourselves takes away the fun and thrills that dating can offer.


There’s no point in rushing into relationships as they often lead to trouble. It’s tempting to dive in headfirst, but ignoring red flags can spell disaster. Patience is key; good things take time. Let things evolve naturally, truly understanding your partner and their values before making big commitments. Chemistry trumps passion for longevity. A strong connection ensures a healthier, longer-lasting relationship. So, take it slow and let love blossom at its own pace.

Focusing on External Appearance

Sometimes, on our quest for true love, we get caught up in the glitz and glamour of external appearances, forgetting to delve deeper into the essence of the person we’ve fallen for. It’s easy to be drawn in by good looks or charm, but true connection lies in understanding and appreciating the inner beauty that defines a person.

By solely focusing on superficial qualities, we risk missing out on the qualities that truly matter – kindness, empathy, intelligence, and shared values. These are the qualities that create a strong and enduring bond, making the pursuit of superficial attributes a big mistake in the search for genuine love.

Lack of Self-awareness

Another mistake people often make while looking for true love is neglecting to understand themselves. Failing to delve into self-discovery and grasp their values, goals, and desires from a relationship can hinder the journey toward finding genuine love. It’s essential to explore one’s own love stories, identify the qualities and traits that resonate with them, and understand their patterns of thought and behavior in relationships.

Without this self-awareness, individuals may struggle to make informed choices when selecting potential partners, resulting in incompatible relationships. Understanding oneself better empowers individuals to navigate the complexities of love and make decisions aligned with their long-term vision for a fulfilling relationship.

Seeking Validation

Are you in search of true love only because you want to feel important or to be noticed? Seeking validation from friends, family, or a partner is a big mistake. It leads to unhealthy dependency and unhappiness. True love should complement your life, not define it entirely. Before searching for love, love and fulfill yourself first.

Seeking external validation can lead to low self-esteem. You might start relying on others’ recognition and approval to feel good about yourself. Over time, you could lose sight of your own value and strength.

Overlooking Red Flags

When you’re in search of true love, ignoring red flags is a significant mistake. These warning signs, such as inconsistent behaviour, lack of communication, or unresolved issues from the past, indicate underlying problems or compatibility mismatches that can lead to future turmoil and heartbreak. By overlooking these signals, you risk wasting time and emotional energy on relationships that may not be right for you.

It’s crucial to pay attention to your intuition and address red flags early on, as they can protect you from entering into unhealthy or unfulfilling connections. Recognizing and addressing these warning signs allows you to make informed decisions, fostering healthier relationships built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding.

There are more aspects to consider when seeking love, but avoiding common mistakes like unrealistic expectations and ignoring red flags can pave the way for genuine, fulfilling connections. Remember, patience, self-awareness, and authenticity are key to finding lasting love.

Relationship Issues Millennials Face and Ways to Deal with Them

Searching for a love partner and maintaining a relationship has always been difficult but it is a little trickier for millennials. Films such as Love Aaj Kal elaborates on the reality that how people love these days is quite different from that of the previous generations.

Relationship Expert Shivani says that life, in general, has changed immensely which has ultimately affected people’s lifestyles too. In this digital age, love tests are given on small screens and people’s affection is proved using social media posts. And it would not be wrong to say that millennials look to date differently compared to their parents and other generations.

In a world where dating is as simple as a left or right swipe, one cannot deny that dating and relationships have completely changed in today’s time. Although every generation has its fair share of issues, some dating issues are specific to millennials which is partly because of the technology boom.

In this article, India’s eminent Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about some of the common relationship problems faced by millennials and ways to deal with them.

Over or Under Sharing on Social Media

Some individuals prefer to share lovey-dovey photographs and posts on social media, others hate it. There is always feasibility of couples getting into arguments or fights because of over or under-sharing on social media. The simplest way to deal with this is that couples should sit and talk and decide what to share and how much to share on social media.

Jealousy Regarding an Act Done on Social Media

Social media activities can probably have bigger consequences in relationships. Finding that your partner has liked a swimsuit or shirtless photo could be disturbing and it can lead to fights. In that scenario, you should always remember that jealousy never serves a productive purpose. And, it is essential not to read too much into your partner’s actions when it comes to social media.

Stress and Depression

Various reports have shown that millennials tend to be more anxious and depressed and they struggle with more mental issues compared to their previous generations, which is partly because of the fast-paced life powered by technology. A stressed or depressed partner can impact a relationship. The ideal method to deal with this is to focus on your partner’s mental health and try out meditation and other remedies or even consulting a counselor if it is the need of the hour to deal with it.


Phubbing is usually when a person ignores his/her partner by repeatedly being on their phones. Believe it or not, some people tend to get lost in their phones more than their partner on dates. This can make your partner feel left out, unwanted, or ignored. Phubbing often acts as a trigger that causes a fight between couples. To avoid this, make a no-phone rule for dates.

Constant Urge for Attention

Nowadays people do not need to wait for days for a letter. A text can be delivered instantly. Because of which people may need constant attention and this could lead to possible conflicts. It is important to give each space and time to each other. And it is of utmost importance to understand when your partner is busy and needs space for their work.

Commitment Concerns

Millennials have more share of problems settling in than the past generations. As there are several choices and a fake sense of perfection, people can easily have commitment and trust issues. For this, one needs to change the way they perceive things and act on a bond that is both strong and sturdy and leads to longevity.


In the technology-laden generation, a person is surrounded by distractions all the time. Continuous notifications, social media interactions, a range of gaming options, and plenty of others. Modern life is simply so busy and full of distractions. It means that an individual is unable to dedicate time and effort to a relationship which is a necessity. One method to deal with this is to plan things together that you can do as a couple and do activities that you both like to do together.


Misunderstandings have often been part of any relationship. But the problem is nowadays, people mostly either text or send a DM. And to understand a partner’s emotion with just a few word-based texts is obviously harder if not impossible. Because of this, many misunderstandings crop up between couples. The only solution to avoid this is proper communication.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.