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Marrying the Wrong Person Early is Worse than Getting Married Late

Marrying the Wrong Person Early is Worse than Getting Married Late

Marriage, a sacred union between two individuals, is a profound life decision that significantly influences the course of one’s existence. The timing of such a commitment plays a crucial role in its success. While societal norms often emphasize the importance of marrying early, there exists a compelling argument that marrying the wrong person prematurely can be far more detrimental than waiting until later in life.

Marrying the Wrong Person Early is Worse than Getting Married Late

Why is getting married late better than marrying the wrong person early?

Leading couples therapist and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares her views on this question in this blog.

The Rush to Commitment:

Society’s expectations and cultural norms often pressure individuals to tie the knot at a relatively young age. The fear of being labelled “too old” or the societal perception that marriage is a milestone that must be achieved by a certain age can lead many to make hasty decisions in choosing a life partner. However, the consequences of rushing into a commitment of such magnitude without proper self-discovery and understanding of one’s needs can be profound.

The Importance of Self-Discovery:

Marrying the wrong person early in life often stems from a lack of self-awareness and understanding. In the rush to meet societal expectations, individuals may neglect their personal growth and development. The early twenties, a period often associated with self-discovery and career building, may not be the optimal time for everyone to make a lifelong commitment. People evolve and change over time, and marrying too early may limit the opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery.

Changing Priorities and Values:

In the early stages of adulthood, individuals are still in the process of shaping their identities, career paths, and personal values. Rushing into marriage without fully understanding these aspects can lead to a misalignment of priorities between partners. As individuals mature, their values and life goals may evolve, potentially causing strain on the relationship if the couple has not grown together or if they have grown in different directions.

The Toll on Mental and Emotional Well-being:

Marrying the wrong person can take a significant toll on one’s mental and emotional well-being. Early divorces, which often result from hastily made decisions, can be emotionally devastating. The process of untangling lives, shared assets, and emotional bonds can be far more complex and emotionally draining than waiting until later in life when individuals have a clearer sense of self and a more stable foundation.

Marrying the Wrong Person Early is Worse than Getting Married Late

The Benefits of Waiting:

On the other hand, waiting to get married allows individuals the time and space to explore their own identities fully. It provides the opportunity to establish a stable career, build a solid support network, and gain a deeper understanding of personal values and priorities. Waiting until later in life to commit to marriage often results in more mature, well-rounded individuals who are better equipped to navigate the complexities of a lifelong partnership.

Whereas, societal expectations may emphasize the importance of marrying early, the potential consequences of marrying the wrong person prematurely cannot be ignored. Taking the time to embark on a journey of self-discovery, career development, and personal growth can significantly enhance the chances of entering into a successful and fulfilling marriage later in life. Individuals must prioritize their well-being and growth before succumbing to societal pressures, recognizing that marrying late, with the right person, is a far wiser choice than rushing into a commitment that may not withstand the test of time.

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Signs When a Woman Just Pretends to Love Someone

 “Love is often romanticized as a beautiful feeling, the heartwarming cornerstone of countless stories, songs, and dreams. Yet, as we step into the complex terrain of the real world, we quickly realize that love isn’t always a fairy tale set to a catchy tune.

Sometimes, it becomes a painful and bewildering journey, particularly when you begin to suspect that the woman you hold dear is merely pretending to love you. In this article, Shivani Sadhoo delves into the intricacies of such situations, shedding light on the tell-tale signs that can serve as ominous markers, indicating that her professed love for you may not be as genuine as you had hoped.

Signs When a Woman Just Pretends to Love Someone

When a woman only pretends to love someone?

Some of the signs according to the marriage and relationship counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo that indicate a woman is merely pretending to love you are:

  • Lack of Respect

When a woman consistently demonstrates a lack of respect towards you, it can be a clear indication that her professed love may be insincere. Respect is a fundamental element of a healthy relationship. If she disregards your feelings, boundaries, or opinions, it’s crucial to consider whether her love is genuine or merely a facade.

  • She Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings

A clear indicator of her lack of genuine love is her disregard for your emotions and well-being. She prioritizes her convenience, showing no concern for your feelings, needs, or aspirations. Her apparent affection is merely a façade to gain something from the relationship. When you’re down or upset, she feigns care when it’s effortless, but avoids offering real support when it requires her genuine attention and empathy.

  • When She Deceives You

A person who truly loves you wouldn’t betray your trust with someone else. When someone is deeply in love, suspicion of infidelity and the need for evidence shouldn’t exist. Cheating and genuine love are incompatible.

Even if you forgive her and she claims to love you more, if she avoids difficult conversations and doesn’t want to face her betrayal, she’s prioritizing her comfort over your emotions. This isn’t the behaviour of someone who genuinely loves you.

  • She Treats You Differently in Public

When you’re alone, she embodies everything you’ve ever desired in a partner. However, a stark contrast emerges when you’re in the company of others. In such situations, she becomes openly critical, disparaging, and dismissive of you. Her demeanour is far from pleasant, and despite attempts to rationalize it, the hurt remains.

  • Avoids Commitment

Avoiding commitment can be a major red flag. If she’s reluctant to commit to a serious relationship, avoids discussing the future, or dodges talks of moving in together or getting married, she may not be as invested in the relationship as you are.

  • You Are Not Important to Her

One common sign that a woman might be pretending to love you is if she doesn’t prioritize spending time with you. When you’re not a significant focus in her life, it suggests a lack of genuine care. If she doesn’t actively seek out quality time with you and readily chooses other activities over being with you, it may indicate a problem in her attraction or love for you. True love often involves a strong desire to spend quality time together, so her lack of effort could be a red flag for the authenticity of her feelings.

  • Lack Of Intimacy

Physical touch plays a vital role in expressing emotions, intimacy, and affection within a relationship. When a person consistently avoids physical contact and emotional intimacy, it may be indicative of insincerity and a lack of love. A deep, loving connection typically involves both emotional and physical closeness, making these signs of avoidance concerning the authenticity of the relationship.

In love, actions often speak louder than words. When a woman consistently displays disrespect, indifference to her feelings, deception, and varying behaviour in public, it raises questions about the authenticity of her love.

Avoidance of commitment, lack of prioritization, and absence of intimacy further compound doubts. In genuine love, respect, care, trust, and consistency are the cornerstones. When these elements are absent, it’s essential to re-evaluate the sincerity of the relationship. 

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Signs You’re with A Sensitive Woman – Relationship Tip

Eminent Couples Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares Signs that Your Partner is a Sensitive Woman

Emotional sensitivity is a trait that could greatly enhance the depth and richness of relationships. Sensitive women tend to be compassionate, empathetic, and attuned to the emotions of those around them. If you’re in a relationship with a sensitive woman, you’re likely experiencing a unique and rewarding connection. In this article, eminent marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares ten signs that indicate you’re with a sensitive woman.

Signs that Your Partner is a Sensitive Woman

What are signs that your Partner is a sensitive Woman?

According to Shivani, there are many major or subtle signs, but here she is talking exclusively about the 10 signs that you need to check for. They are:

She is Empathetic

A sensitive woman has a strong capacity for empathy. She can deeply understand and share the feelings of others, making her an excellent listener and a supportive partner. She genuinely cares about your emotional well-being and will be there for you in times of need.

She Notices the Little Things

Sensitive women have a knack for noticing subtle details and nuances that others might overlook. Whether it’s a change in your tone of voice or a small gesture, she is attentive to your needs and emotions.

She Values Open Communication

Communication is vital in any relationship, and a sensitive woman understands this well. She encourages open and honest conversations, making it easier for both of you to express your thoughts, feelings, and concerns without judgment.

She is Considerate of Your Feelings

Sensitive women are considerate and thoughtful partners. They take your feelings into account when making decisions and are careful not to hurt or offend you. They strive to create a safe and nurturing environment for the relationship to flourish.

She Expresses Her Emotions Freely

While some may view emotional expression as a weakness, sensitive women embrace their feelings and express them openly. They are in touch with their emotions and encourage you to do the same, creating a space where vulnerability is celebrated.

She Values Connection

Sensitive women often prioritize emotional connection in their relationships. They seek to build deep and meaningful bonds with their partners, making them loyal and devoted companions.

She is Supportive

Whether you’re pursuing your dreams or facing challenges, a sensitive woman will stand by your side. She provides unwavering support and encouragement, helping you achieve your goals and navigate life’s ups and downs.

She is Creative and Artistic

Many sensitive women have a creative and artistic side. They may enjoy pursuits like writing, painting, music, or other forms of self-expression. This creativity often enriches the relationship with depth and passion.

She is Attuned to Nonverbal Cues

Sensitive women are skilled at reading nonverbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions. This ability allows them to understand your emotions even when you may not be verbally expressing them.

She Values Harmony and Peace

Sensitive women often seek harmony and peace in their relationships. They are willing to compromise and work through conflicts in a constructive and empathetic manner, making the relationship more resilient and fulfilling.

Being in a relationship with a sensitive woman can be a rewarding experience. Her empathy, emotional depth, and attentiveness can enhance the connection you share and bring a sense of harmony and support to your partnership.

By recognizing these signs, you can better appreciate and nurture the unique qualities that a sensitive woman brings to your life, ultimately leading to a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.

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Clear Signs There Is Serious Chemistry Between You and Your Partner

Not every relationship is destined to be a perfect match. People are unique, with diverse needs and personalities. While some couples effortlessly complement each other, others may face challenges. However, one of the most beautiful and exhilarating aspects of a romantic relationship is the presence of genuine chemistry between partners. While it may not be the sole determinant of a successful relationship, recognizing serious chemistry is essential for building a strong and lasting connection.

Relationship chemistry is not akin to a scientific formula but a unique blend of emotions, connection, and compatibility that can’t be easily quantified, making each connection special and unpredictable.

What are those clear signs that suggest there is serious chemistry between two individuals?

India’s leading marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few signs to find out the genuine chemistry between couples:

1. Magnetic Attraction

Instant fascination is a powerful indicator of strong chemistry between partners. While appearance may be the initial attraction, it goes beyond mere looks. It’s the magnetic pull, the unspoken connection, and the exchange of infatuating glances that reveal a deeper, irresistible bond, making it clear that chemistry plays a pivotal role in relationships.

2. Eyes can talk

Eye contact is like a secret language between two people in love. When you’re into someone, your eyes can’t help but lock onto theirs. It’s like a magnetic pull that screams, “I’m into you!” You hold that gaze longer, steal glances, and there’s this electric intensity that says, “We’ve got some serious chemistry going on here!” It’s a wordless confirmation of the sparks flying between you two.

3. Body Language

Body language reveals chemistry between couples through subtle cues like mirroring each other’s movements, leaning in closer, touching, and blushing. Women may fidget with their hair or lips, while men might get sweaty palms. These nonverbal signals indicate a strong connection and attraction, regardless of gender.

4. Similar Interests

Partners with strong chemistry often discover that they share common interests and values. Whether it’s a love for hiking, a passion for art, or a commitment to similar ethical principles, shared aspects of life can significantly enhance your connection.

5. No need for words

When two people share a strong bond, they can read each other’s thoughts and emotions without uttering a word. This unspoken bond brings them closer, forging a unique intimacy that words simply can’t capture.

6. No Compulsion

When you genuinely enjoy each other’s company without feeling the need to constantly entertain or impress one another, it’s a clear sign that you two are ‘made for each other’. Being comfortable in silence or simply being together speaks volumes about your connection. You will feel relaxed and energized at the same time. You can be yourself without fear of judgment. The relationship will feel effortless and safe.

7. It’s Only Us

One of the most awe-inspiring aspects of finding ‘The One’ is the unique ability to feel completely alone together, even in the midst of a crowded room. It’s as if the world around us fades into the background, and the only thing that matters is the connection we share with that special person. Time seems to stand still, conversations become whispers, and the energy between the two individuals becomes palpable. In those moments, the rest of the world becomes irrelevant, and it’s just the two of them in their own little universe.

Cherish these signs and nurture the chemistry that makes your relationship special, and remember, a match made in heaven isn’t always about perfection; it’s about creating your own unique paradise together.

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How to Make Someone Feel Better? Amazing Ways to Make Someone Smile

Learn with India’s Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Life is not always about a singular pursuit or outcome, it’s the culmination of various experiences, emotions, and journeys that make it truly meaningful. In the hustle and bustle of today’s fast-paced world, where stress and challenges seem to be the order of the day, a simple smile can work wonders. A genuine smile has the power to transcend barriers, brighten up a gloomy day, and create connections that uplift both the giver and the recipient.

So, let’s find out the tips and tricks to add smiles and cheer to people’s lives from India’s eminent couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What are the ways to bring a smile to someone’s face?

Shivani Sadhoo says, being able to bring a smile or someone’s face is often the way to make someone feel better who is probably feeling down due to certain issues. Some of the ways to make a person smile are, you need to give them:

Compliments: 

Genuine compliments hold the power to uplift and touch hearts. Instead of a plain old “good job,” make it special. Notice the sweat they put into a project, the cool ideas in their art, or the delicious twist in their cooking. Your attention and appreciation mean a lot!

Show Affection: 

A simple hug conveys warmth and care, releasing “feel-good” chemicals in the brain. It makes us feel loved and understood. When someone hugs us, it’s like a cozy gesture that brings joy. The connection and comfort from a hug can easily bring a smile to our faces.

Share Humour: 

Laughter truly is the best medicine, and sharing a good laugh can instantly lighten the mood. Share a funny meme, a light-hearted joke, or a witty anecdote. In a world bombarded with stressors, a dose of humor can be a welcomed respite.

Listen to others: 

Sometimes, all someone needs is a listening ear. Truly engage in conversations, show empathy, and be present in the moment. By letting others express themselves without judgment, you create a space where they can freely share their thoughts and concerns, often leading to a genuine smile of relief.

The Power of Nature: 

A simple walk in nature can make someone smile. It can reduce stress and anxiety, and increase feelings of happiness and well-being. Studies have shown that spending time in nature can lead to improved mental health and physical health.

how to make someone smile

A Gift of Love: 

Handmade gifts or personalized tokens of appreciation carry a unique charm. Create a scrapbook, a custom playlist, or a piece of art that reflects your connection and shared memories. These thoughtful gifts demonstrate your effort and consideration, bringing genuine smiles to those who receive them.

Be Kind: 

In a world that sometimes feels impersonal, a random act of kindness can be a breath of fresh air. Whether it’s paying for someone’s coffee in line behind you or leaving an uplifting note for a coworker, these gestures create a ripple effect of positivity. Remember, kindness doesn’t need a reason; it’s a gift in itself.

A Helping Hand: 

Helping the needy brings joy by making a positive impact. Knowing you’ve made a difference, even small, can create a sense of fulfillment. Seeing others happier due to your kindness can lead to smiles, as it shows the power of compassion and generosity.

Personal Touch: 

Calling your parents instead of texting adds a personal touch. Hearing their voices and having a real conversation shows care and interest. It creates a warmer connection, reminding them of the old ways and making them smile by feeling valued and cherished.

Celebrate Together: 

Celebrating wins, big or small, spreads happiness by acknowledging achievements. Whether it’s a minor accomplishment or a major milestone, recognition shows you care and share in their joy. This simple act of support boosts their spirits, leading to smiles and a stronger sense of togetherness.

Smiling is a powerful way to spread positivity and make others feel happy and appreciated. It can be contagious and help to lift the spirits of those around us. Making others smile helps to create a sense of connection, belonging, and joy, which are essential for our mental and emotional well-being.

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How to Break the Cycle of Blame in Your Relationship?

Shares Couples Counselor Shivani Sadhoo

Finger-pointing can quickly turn a loving connection into a battleground of accusations and hurt feelings. Blaming is a natural human response to avoid responsibility, but it’s not constructive. It’s tough when the blame game becomes a regular part of a relationship.

Let’s find out why partners blame each other in a relationship and what are the ways to break this vicious cycle from India’s top relationship expert and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Why does the blame game begin?

Shivani Sadhoo says, there are certain factors that initiate the blame game. Some of them are:

Childhood experiences: 

These shape our coping and communication strategies. If individuals face blame or criticism, they may unconsciously blame others in relationships.

Protect Self-esteem:

Blaming others helps preserve a positive self-image and shields self-esteem, as admitting fault might be perceived as a weakness.

Lack of Empathy:

It hinders understanding others’ perspectives, leading to a tendency to blame instead of considering their viewpoint.

Ways to Deal with the Blame Game?

Ways to Deal with the Blame Game?

Shivani says, every problem has a solution, you simply need to find it. Some of the ways to deal with the blame games are:

1. Use “I” Statements: 

Instead of pointing fingers and using accusatory language, express your feelings and concerns using “I” statements. For example, say, “I feel hurt when you blame me for everything” rather than “You always make me feel bad for …”

2. Accept your fault: 

Acknowledge your own mistakes and be willing to apologize when necessary. This sets a positive example and encourages your partner to do the same.

3. Forgive and Forget: 

Learning to forgive and forget involves letting go of past grievances and not holding on to grudges. It means releasing the need to continuously blame each other for past mistakes and choosing to move forward with a fresh outlook, fostering understanding and healing in the relationship.

4. Identify the root cause: 

Identify the root problems causing conflicts. Focus on understanding each other’s perspectives without immediately assigning blame. By pinpointing the real issues, you can work together to find constructive solutions and improve your relationship.

5. Be Patient: 

Practice patience by actively listening without interrupting or becoming defensive. Empathize with your partner’s feelings, communicate calmly, and avoid retaliating. This fosters understanding, promotes healthier discussions, and strengthens the bond between you both.

6. Nobody is Perfect: 

Of course, no relationship is without its hiccups. We’re only human, after all. So, let’s set realistic expectations and understand that perfection is not the goal here. It’s about progress. Celebrate the small wins along the way and acknowledge that change takes time.

7. Talk to each other: 

Healthy communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. Both partners must be willing to express their thoughts and emotions openly without fear of judgment or criticism. Encourage each other to share feelings and listen actively without interrupting or becoming defensive. This way, both partners can understand each other’s perspectives and work together to find constructive solutions.

8. Listen to each other: 

Actively listen to each other’s perspectives without interruption or defensiveness. Mutual respect and validation of each other’s feelings are essential. Together, find solutions to address the issue constructively, focusing on changing behavior rather than assigning blame.

9. Seek Professional Advice: 

Overcoming the blame cycle can be tough, especially if it’s ingrained. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be highly beneficial. A neutral third party can identify toxic patterns, offer insights, and guide partners toward healthier communication and conflict resolution.

10. Be Compassionate: 

Show understanding and empathy toward your partner’s feelings and perspectives. This approach encourages open communication, fosters connection, and paves the way for resolving conflicts constructively.

It is never too late to break free from the blame cycle and embrace a healthier, happier future together. Relationships are a journey of growth, and learning from challenges and mistakes can lead to stronger connections and personal development.

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Why Does Your Cheating Partner Continue to Lie?

Eminent Marriage Counselor and Psychologist Shivani Sadhoo Explains

Every relationship is unique and built on trust, love, and commitment. Cheating disrupts this foundation, causing emotional distress and eroding the bond between partners, jeopardizing the integrity of the relationship. Understanding why a cheating partner continues to deceive is a complex endeavor, involving a blend of psychology, emotions, and personal motivations. In this article, India’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo explains the reasons and ways to deal with it.

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What are the types of cheating?

Types of Cheating could include anything from the points given below as shared by Shivani Sadhoo.

  • Emotional Cheating: Harbouring romantic feelings for someone outside the committed relationship, often sharing personal thoughts and emotions with that person rather than with the partner.
  • Physical Cheating: Engaging in intimate physical acts with someone other than the partner.
  • Cyber Cheating: Pursuing romantic or intimate (physical) interactions online, including online affairs.
  • Financial Cheating: Concealing financial actions or spending without the partner’s knowledge or consent.

Reasons why partners cheat on each other and what are the solutions?

There are several factors that may compel partners to cheat on each other but they also have solutions to come out of that trap:

1. To Protect their ego

Cheating can inflict guilt and shame on the unfaithful partner, making it hard for them to confront their actions. Lying becomes a defense mechanism to protect their ego from further damage. They may rationalize their behavior, believing that the truth would expose them to judgment and rejection.

Solution: Seek non-judgmental support from friends, family, or counselors to gain perspective and build resilience.

2. Fear of confrontation drives the cheating partner to fabricate lies, evading the emotional turmoil they caused. Fear pushes them deeper into deceit, avoiding inevitable pain and confrontation.

Solution: Encourage open dialogue to confront the truth and rebuild trust.

3. Relationship preservation

Paradoxically, dishonesty is used to salvage a deteriorating relationship. They fear the truth will end it.

Solution: The solution lies in fostering a safe space for communication, encouraging honesty, and addressing the root issues to rebuild trust and improve the relationship’s prospects.

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4. Escape from Emotional Responsibility

Infidelity often stems from unresolved emotional issues within the relationship. By lying about their indiscretions, the cheating partner avoids taking responsibility for their emotions and the underlying problems.

Solution: Encouraging couples counseling can provide a safe environment to address these issues and foster understanding and empathy.

5. Denial and Rationalization

Human minds are adept at rationalizing behavior, and a cheating partner may have convinced themselves that their actions were justifiable due to their partner’s perceived shortcomings. In such cases, lies become a tool to maintain the illusion that their choices were warranted.

Solution: Encourage open communication to challenge rationalizations and address underlying issues, fostering mutual understanding and accountability.

6. Fear of Abandonment

A cheating partner may harbor an irrational fear of abandonment, believing that the truth would push their partner away forever. The lies become a desperate attempt to cling to the relationship, even if built on shaky foundations.

Solution: Reassure your partner of your commitment to working through issues together, creating a safe space for honesty and understanding.

7. Lack of Empathy

Empathy plays a crucial role in human relationships, allowing us to understand the emotional impact of our actions on others. Unfortunately, some cheating partners may lack empathy, making it easier for them to lie without remorse.

Solution: Encourage empathy through open communication and perspective sharing, emphasizing the importance of considering each other’s feelings to rebuild trust.

8. Double benefit

In a relationship, some individuals lie to experience the benefits of both stability and excitement. The thrill of deception empowers them, leading to a double life with a wife/husband at home and a girlfriend/boyfriend outside the home.

Solution: Address root motivations and consequences of lying to establish trust.

Remember that no relationship can thrive that is based on lies and specifically, constant lies. Honesty and communication are the foundation of any healthy relationship.

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Relationship Tips for New Parents to Thrive in the Transition to Parenthood

Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some amazing tips for couples to nurture their relationship as parents

A baby brings boundless joy to new parents, for within their tiny form lies the miracle of life. While the demands of parenthood may challenge their time and energy, the flame of love between mom and dad can still persist.

Balancing the demands of parenthood and maintaining a strong connection with your partner requires effort and understanding. In this article, India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo offers some tips and tricks for nurturing your relationship as a new parent.

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What are those ways to nurture your relationship as a parent?

Here, Shivani Sadhoo shares some of the methods, that could make your transition to parenthood a smooth ride.

Why Communicate with Compassion?

Effective communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. As new parents, take time to listen to each other’s concerns, fears, and joys. Be mindful of your partner’s emotional needs and offer support and encouragement.

Choose your words carefully, speaking kindly and respectfully, even when fatigue and stress take hold. Remember, open and honest communication will help you navigate the challenges together and deepen your bond. When your baby cries, you’re compassionate. Extend that to your partner. Relationships change after a baby, but growth happens when you change together.

Do it together as a team

Parenthood is a team sport, and collaboration between partners is vital. Share the responsibilities of childcare and household chores, support each other’s needs, and find a balance that works for both of you. Recognize and appreciate each other’s contributions, acknowledging the value of teamwork in creating a harmonious environment for your family.

Nurture intimacy

After having a baby, physical and emotional intimacy can be neglected. Yet, it’s vital to prioritize a romantic connection. Make time for intimate moments like cuddling, date nights, or heartfelt conversations. Small gestures and expressions of love foster a strong bond.

Take care of yourself

Remember to take care of yourself amidst the demands of parenthood. It’s essential to nurture your own well-being, as it directly impacts your relationship with your partner. Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy. By taking care of yourself, you’ll have more energy and positivity to invest in your partnership.

Express appreciation

Show gratitude for each other’s efforts and support. Recognize and acknowledge the hard work and dedication that goes into being a parent. Small gestures of appreciation can go a long way in fostering a positive and nurturing environment.

The Power of Giving Space

Granting each other space as new parents fosters personal growth and maintains individuality. It involves recognizing the importance of alone time, pursuing hobbies, and nurturing friendships outside of parenthood, strengthening the partnership.

Conflict management

Managing conflicts effectively is crucial in any relationship, and this becomes even more challenging when you have a newborn due to the added stress and exhaustion. Use “I” statements to express how you feel, such as “I feel overwhelmed when…” or “I need support with…”. This can help avoid blaming and encourage understanding.

Seek Support

New parents often feel overwhelmed. Seek support from family, friends, or professionals. Connect with experienced parents, join groups, or consider couples counseling. Asking for help lightens the load and strengthens relationships.

Embrace Imperfections

Parenthood is a journey of constant learning and growth. Embrace the imperfections and understand that mistakes are inevitable. Be patient and forgiving with yourself and your partner. Celebrate the small victories, and remember that every day presents an opportunity to strengthen your bond and create beautiful memories together.

As you embark on the incredible journey of parenthood, remember that nurturing your relationship is just as important as caring for your little one. Enjoy this remarkable chapter of your lives, cherishing the moments of joy, and growing stronger as a couple with each passing day. And if you need any help, we are there to guide you. 

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Self-Soothing Tips for High-Conflict Couples

Shares Delhi’s Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

In any relationship, conflict is a natural occurrence, and it is not uncommon for things to escalate, even in healthy partnerships. Navigating through an environment that often feels chaotic and confusing can be challenging.

It is important to understand what high conflict looks like and to develop specific strategies for self-soothing during and after such intense situations. Read this blog by India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo on how to self-soothe if as a couple there is a high conflict.

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What Does High Conflict in Couples Feel Like?

High conflict can be overwhelming for your nervous system, as it triggers a strong response in your body. The stimuli become loud and intrusive, leading to a flood of emotions and physical reactions. You may notice sensations such as increased body heat, muscle tension, a clenched jaw, and a racing heart rate.

In these moments, accessing the rational part of your brain becomes challenging. This is because when you feel emotionally or physically unsafe, your brain tends to operate from the instinctual part, activating the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response.

Although it may seem like conflict arises out of nowhere, there is often a buildup that leads to those intense moments. Tensions may have been simmering for a day or even longer, without finding a resolution.

To avoid reaching this point, it is crucial to address smaller issues as they arise and create dedicated time to tackle larger ones instead of avoiding or ignoring them. By consistently addressing and resolving conflicts as they come up, you can prevent them from accumulating and escalating into high-conflict situations.

You Find Yourself In A High Conflict, Now What?

Even with the best intentions, finding yourself in a high-conflict situation can happen. In such moments, it is important to take immediate action. Begin by identifying the shift in the conversation. Often, these discussions start off on a reasonable level and gradually escalate, making it challenging to recognize the shift right away.

To help identify where you are in the conflict, consider asking yourself the following questions:

  • Are you having difficulty processing what is being said?
  • Are you merely listening to respond rather than listening to understand?
  • Are you and your partner engaging in name-calling or displaying aggressive behaviors, such as invading personal space, yelling, throwing items, or engaging in unwelcome physical contact?

If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you are indeed in a high-conflict situation.

Once you’ve recognized the situation, take a moment to acknowledge this realization and promptly change your environment. Let your partner know that you feel the conversation has become unproductive and that you need a break. Find a different room or step outside to get some fresh air.

In your new environment, begin practicing deep breathing. Take slow, intentional breaths by inhaling through your nose for a count of 4, fully extending your torso, including your back. Hold your breath for a count of 2, and then exhale slowly through your nostrils for a count of 6. Repeat this process as many times as necessary.

Next, reinforce your inner strength and grounding by reminding yourself of your truths through affirmations. Here’s an example to get you started: “I am present in my body, I am deserving of love and respect, and I am supported and grounded.”

These three steps—changing the environment, practicing deep breathing, and engaging in self-affirmation—can effectively break the cycle of the instinctual brain response. By consciously implementing these techniques, you can regain control over your emotions, promote a sense of calm, and create space for productive and respectful communication to resume.

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How to Self-Soothe?

Once you have regained access to your “smart” brain, you can choose from various self-soothing techniques to further calm yourself:

  • Self-soothing touch: One effective method is to give yourself a comforting hug. Sit upright, stretch your arms wide as you inhale, and then cross your arms around yourself with your right arm underneath on the exhale. Take three deep breaths in this position before releasing your arms and repeating the process, this time with your left arm underneath.
  • Listen to calming music: Select soothing music that helps calm your nervous system and bring your heartbeat back to a normal rhythm. Opt for tunes with a slower beat to promote relaxation.
  • Go for a mindful walk: Engage in a mindful walk by immersing yourself in the present moment. Observe your surroundings with all your senses, taking in the sights, sounds, and smells without passing judgment or getting lost in thought.
  • Engage in your favorite self-care activity: Dedicate time to indulge in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. This could include taking a warm shower or bath, practicing your favorite stretches for relaxation, engaging in guided meditation, or surrounding yourself with pleasant scents like lavender.

By incorporating these self-soothing techniques into your routine, you can further enhance your ability to calm your nervous system and regain a sense of control and stability during high-conflict situations. Remember, self-soothing is a personal process, so feel free to explore and experiment with different techniques to find what works best for you.

In high-conflict situations, recognizing the problem, practicing self-soothing, and creating a conducive mindset for nonjudgmental conversation are crucial for finding lasting resolutions. Seeking assistance from a couples therapist specialized in conflict resolution can be beneficial. The Gottman Relationship Coach program, “Making Up After an Argument,” provides guidance for managing overwhelming conflicts.

The Gottman Relationship Adviser offers a comprehensive tool for improving relationship health through personalized plans. The Gottman Assessment provides in-depth insights into relationship dynamics. Seeking external support and utilizing these resources can nurture a healthier and more resilient partnership.

Gottman reference has been mentioned as Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of few Gottman Certified Marriage Counselors in India

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Do You Know the Communication Styles That Poison Relationships?

Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Sadhoo Explains

Effective communication is the foundation of healthy relationships, be it romantic, familial, or professional. The way we express ourselves and listen to others greatly impacts the dynamics and overall satisfaction within these relationships.

Unfortunately, certain communication styles can act as poison, gradually eroding trust, understanding, and harmony. In this article, Delhi’s top marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some toxic communication styles and provides guidance on how to avoid them, fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections.

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Passive Aggression

Passive-aggressive communication is characterized by indirect expressions of hostility, disguised as passivity or sarcasm. This style often involves subtle jabs, backhanded compliments, or withholding information to create tension and manipulate others.

It can leave the recipient feeling confused, hurt, and frustrated, ultimately leading to deteriorating relationships. Instead, strive for open and honest dialogue, addressing concerns directly without resorting to hidden agendas or covert hostility.

Defensiveness

Defensive communication is a self-protective response that arises from feeling attacked or criticized. It involves denying responsibility, making excuses, or deflecting blame onto others. When both parties engage in defensiveness, it creates a cycle of negativity, hindering effective problem-solving and resolution. To break this pattern, practice active listening and empathy, focusing on understanding the other person’s perspective without immediately jumping to self-defence.

Stonewalling

Stonewalling occurs when an individual withdraws from a conversation or relationship, shutting down emotionally and refusing to engage. It can manifest as silent treatment, avoidance, or dismissing the other person’s concerns.

Stonewalling prevents open communication and leaves the other person feeling unheard and invalidated. Instead, strive for open dialogue, even if it feels uncomfortable, and make a conscious effort to actively participate in resolving conflicts.

Blaming and Criticizing

Blaming and criticizing communication styles involve focusing on faults and mistakes rather than seeking constructive solutions. This approach creates a hostile and judgmental environment, where individuals feel attacked and defensive.

Instead of blaming and criticizing, practice constructive feedback by expressing your concerns using “I” statements, focusing on specific behaviours, and offering suggestions for improvement. This allows for a more collaborative and growth-oriented approach.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation that aims to make the other person doubt their own perceptions, memories, and sanity. This toxic communication style involves distorting the truth, denying events, or trivializing the other person’s feelings and experiences. Gaslighting erodes trust, undermines self-esteem, and can lead to psychological harm. It is crucial to recognize gaslighting behaviours and establish boundaries to protect your emotional well-being and maintain healthy relationships.

Marriage counsellor Shivani says effective communication is the lifeblood of any successful relationship, and toxic communication styles can poison even the strongest bonds. By being aware of these destructive patterns and actively working to avoid them, we can foster healthier connections built on trust, empathy, and understanding. Remember to practice open dialogue, active listening, and respect for each other’s feelings and perspectives. By doing so, we can cultivate relationships that thrive and bring joy and fulfillment to our lives.