Tag Archive : best marriage counselor in India

Self-Care in Marriage: Simple Ways to Relax Together as a Couple

Right now, several couples or individuals are still working from home for the immediate future. Lots of people are very much always home these days, or a few even working part-time on creative work and taking care of the household. This might be a huge challenge for some marriages if couples are not already so consistent with practicing self-care in their marriage. Even though a steady income, and living in a house with plenty of space, definitely contributes to anyone’s comfort

But your marriage is something that should always be a priority, no matter the extenuating circumstances. One method to prioritize your marriage is to practice self-care, together. Even if you and your significant other just have time to work on self-care once every week, that is still the time that you are solely devoting to each other and to your marriage.

This blog by Delhi’s top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about self-care in marriage and the ways to relax as a couple.

Couples Therapist Shivani says these self-care ideas are solely intended to do as a couple. Bear in mind that for these self-care ideas to benefit both of you, both the partners have to be willing and interested. Consent always matters in a relationship, even for non-sexual activities. It is not exactly a self-care activity if you have to be forced into doing it.

Unplug your Gadgets and Devices

You and your loved one need some screen-free time together. There are many who cancel their anniversary trip, so it can be celebrated at home instead. While couples watching a movie is fine, however, it is insisted that both of you put away or switch off your phones and laptops while watching movies together. With repeated notifications and more, it is so easy to focus more on your phone than on your partner. Dedicate time to each of you without thinking of your devices.

Go on a Walk

After a long time you two have managed to have some time. If the weather is pleasant, plan to take a walk. Hold each other’s hands. Talk about life. The fresh air and exteriors will certainly do a world of good for both of you.

Spend Some Quality Time Apart

Are you confused? It’s okay, just like quality time together must be intentional–TV series and Chill doesn’t count, quality time apart must also be intentional. When you and your loved one spend time on self-improvement, or you focus on quality time with friends or family, you are spending quality time apart. It is good to have your own hobbies. It is healthy to have your own friends. Your partner should not be your sole source of companionship.

Post quality time apart, you and your spouse will better appreciate and enjoy quality time together.

Set Goals Together

Several couples have some big dreams. Dreams of extensive travel, a big house with a luxury car dreams of kids and their schooling.

It is fun to dream big, particularly, about the distant future. But there is also time to set realistic goals for the immediate future. Big goals usually take time, and they normally take money too. In addition to setting long-term goals, you and your partner should also break them down into medium-term goals.

Marriage goals are not all financial, though. You can also set goals to concentrate on self-improvement or goals to build intimacy.

Some of the ways are:

·       Workout together for a specific amount of time each week

·       Join a hobby club together

·       Attend an event together

·       Schedule a weekly or fortnight date

Learn Each One’s Love Language

Every individual generally has a primary love language. This is how you express love to others. When another person uses your love language you feel loved even more. Learning and acknowledging your own love language, and learning your spouse’s love language, can assist the two of you to communicate better and express love with greater intention.

Give Each Other Massages

First you need to decide together if these massages are simply for relaxation and/or pain relief, or if they are a prelude to getting intimate. You do not wish to be disappointed by a simple misunderstanding post your messages.

If you do not know how to give a good massage, there are some good resources online.

Maybe you need to set the environment right, get out some body lotion or massage oil, play soothing music and give each other massages.

If you do not have time for the complete romance, you can also give each other foot massages or neck rubs while watching a TV show.

Cuddle and Talk

Several couples are affectionate all day long, but there is nothing quite like dedicating a few moments to cuddling and talking. This is a great mode to start or to end your day. Simply you and your spouse, no other distractions. If you are not certain what to talk about, ask a few tried-and-true questions. How are you feeling? What are you thinking? What can you do today to make your partner’s life better?

Just be Silly

No doubt a married life means several responsibilities. However, marriage is not the end of fun. Be playful with your spouse. Run through the sprinklers or dance in the kitchen. Play video games or board games. Share some jokes. After all, laughter is the best medicine.

Show Affection

At times self-care in marriage is actually, just about the little things. Show affection to your spouse throughout the day. Send a cute message. Give a quick neck massage. Kiss right prior to going to bed.

Go to the Bed Together

One of the partners is an early bird, while the other one a night owl. But it is always good to align your sleep schedules more closely. Most nights, you need to try to be in bed before your partner falls asleep so at least you can talk a bit first.

Sometimes you could be both tired at the same time and fall asleep cuddling. This is an absolutely wonderful feeling, but it’s not normally practical with your different sleep schedules. Still, it is nice to try to be in bed together at the end of the day, before either of you falls asleep.

Discuss Things Related to Physical Intimacy in your Life

Getting physically intimate can absolutely be an amazing kind of self-care. But you and your partner need to discuss it periodically. The lists can help you and your partner start the conversation. It includes meaningful videos or articles on topics related to physical intimacy. It will help both of you to set or rectify certain issues if they bother you as far as getting physically intimate with your partner.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxietydepressionsleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Signs That Foretell That a Person Is of Negative Mindset

Lack of confidence, gloom and doom, distrust, and anxiety are toxic doses. You perhaps wonder how one person can survive with all those inside them. Yet, these negative people exist all around us and are at times impossible to avoid.

It is not to say that you will never ever have moments of despair, anxiety, and discouragement. But as a positive person, you never let these thoughts take control of your life. You live the 4 to 1 ratio. You generate four positive thoughts for each negative one, to keep situations from getting out of control.

Below, in this article from Top Delhi-based Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo you will find some signs of negative people, and see what makes them tick. You will discover why several people are unaware of their negativity and how it is hampering their lives, and everyone else’s. These warning signs will also prepare you to be on the alert so that you can avoid falling into the trap of negativity.

They Always Worry

Negative people always survive on worry, a very unhealthy diet. This mindset is programmed towards the need to feel safe and protected and aware to an extreme degree. Practicing mindfulness and living in the present are great ways to defeat worry.

They Live in the Default Position

There is a neurological explanation as to why some individuals end up being so negative. It has to do with the part of their brain called the amygdala, which functions like an alarm and is continuously on the lookout for danger, fear, and unpleasant news. Scientists feel this to be the brain’s default position. In evolutionary terms, it is understandable; it is entirely part of the fear-flight mechanism in which the brain uses most of its neurons to keep up with all the unpleasant news that is stored in the memory.

Positive people form an ability to evaluate and stand up to problems that can counteract this mechanism.

They Try to Tell You What to Do

When people begin to tell you what you must do with your life, what property to buy or whether you must change your job, you can be certain they are in the negative squad. They do not realize it but this is a certain sign that they have not sorted out their own life problems. It is a lot simpler to tell everyone else how to live their lives.

They Love Secrecy

If you meet a negative person at a gathering, you could find the conversation rather tedious. Fearful of revealing too much information related to themselves, they live in fear that doing so might be used against them in some way. They rarely think that what they might share could be used in a positive manner too.

If you find yourself or someone else becoming defensive and closed during a conversation, think about possible reasons why.

They Cannot Restrict Their Exposure to Bad News

Negative persons love coming into your cubicle and saying things such as, “have you heard the terrible news about….”, post which they fill you in on all the gory details. The tragedy is that overexposure to negative news impacts a person more deeply than was previously thought. Some studies have shown that media exposure to violence, death, and tragedy adds to depression and anxiety, as well as to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It colors a negative individual’s outlook on life.

That is why you must restrict the amount of news you watch on television or read in newspapers. Difficult? Probably. But important if you are to remain positive.

They Complain a Lot

Negative people seem to whine a lot, convinced that the entire world is against them. They are generally the victim of lousy weather, a problematic boss, ill-luck, and their upbringing. They rarely step back to look at other reasons – like the lack of energy, creativity, or plain hard work.

The Like to Live in Their Comfort Zone

Leaving the familiar world is anathema to those people who are negative. They cannot face the possibility of extra fear, discomfort, hurdles, challenges, or failure. They are thus never really able to try out new experiences and are destined to dwell in their dull and dreary comfort zone.

They Love to Use the Word “But”

A negative person could say something positive or even compliment you on your great talent. They may be happy to find themselves on the beach or in a shopping mall. The only issue is they finish their remarks with the ‘but’ word, turning the positive manner into a negative. You get remarks such as “It looks like a great restaurant but I wonder why you did not book a table outside” or “It is a lovely beach but there are always too crowded.”

They Mostly Miss Out on the Good Things in Life

A negative individual will hardly recognize joy, passion, satisfaction, and excitement. These are not emotions or sensations that they daily experience.

Definitely, this is hardly surprising when considering these individuals are fixated on their unsatisfying professional life, relationships, and social status.

They are Like Energy Vampires

Apart from being demanding, negative people drain out all your energy, simply like a vampire. They are just incapable of generating any positive energy and will absorb all your attention, time, and energy as they move forward to drag you down the negativity spiral.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Six Ways for Couples to Stay Connected After Having a Baby

The excitement of a newborn’s arrival can also have unforeseen consequences for a couple. As well as paying attention entirely to their little bundle of joy, let us not forget about sleepless nights, endless chores, and upheaval of grand proportions. A longer Sunday morning sleep-in or impromptu date night out as a couple? Forget those.

Counselor Shivani says it is hardly surprising several couples site, the months after their newborn’s arrival as when disharmony sets in. Take for example a working couple, until their baby arrived, they juggled successful careers with a lively social life. Six to seven months after the baby’s birth the wife complains they spent more time arguing over who does what than enjoying each other’s company nowadays. She no longer felt like a wife and partner but a toiler.

If it rings a bell it does not have to be in this manner. You can enjoy your baby and a good relationship at the same time too. Equip yourself with awareness besides these six simple ways shared in this blog by Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counselor and Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo that talks exclusively to survive the days and stay connected with your special one post when your baby is born.

Teamwork is the Mantra

Being good and ideal parents to your baby are the most vital job you will ever do. However, you will do it well, as a team; it is time to agree to end pulling apart. Sit down and discuss what each of you does best when it comes to all the demands you have now. The idea is to be super-positive with each other related to the jobs you each do well.

Resist begrudging your spouse praise for what they have a natural ability for such as he has a knack for putting the baby down.

Be generous with appreciation and compliments and tell your loved one how much you value their efforts.

With both of you knowing what is expected and helping each other, it will form a team spirit.

Avoid Baby Talk

It is very important to establish a time for you solely as a couple. Several couples become so baby-centric that they start to lose some of their relationships. Even if the only time you have is sharing a meal together, completely ban or avoid talking about your baby during this time. If the baby has been unwell you need to inform your partner, and they will want to listen to any little baby news. But once you have had a bit of baby talk it must be about you and grown-up things.

Ask each other how you are and discuss how your partner’s day was. Talk about both your interests like the book you have bought, saving for a vacation, that concert evening you would like to go to and so on that excites you as a couple.

Couple’s Play

Simply as you have playtime with your baby where you shake or move their toy in front of them or show them some musical toys, simply you too as a couple need to get out and play.  Even when you can only get child care once every couple of weeks or month, do it.

Early on it is good to get your baby accustomed to being left with someone familiar or trusted. If you can leave the baby with the grandparents. This is your time to relax without worrying about the baby is going to interrupt your dinner or movie. The golden rule is to do what you both want to, so if you are too tired to go out then have a candlelight dinner at home or watch a movie together.  It is entirely about your uninterrupted time together.

Alter Your Expectations

Pre-baby days you may have fantasized you would be as happy as you can, keep a beautiful home and have some physical intimacy thrown during every weekend. When reality sets in certain parents hang on to those unrealistic expectations. Re-analyze things and prioritize. If it allows you more time together and more fun playtime with the baby do not worry about things being less tidy.

Ask and You May Get

With complete good intentions mother and father can sometimes slip up or be thoughtless without being too. He does not compliment you when you have finally got a new hairstyle, he brings over an office friend without notice or so on. Such things could be the last straw when you have been up with the baby the entire night.

This is simply about asking. Ask your partner to let you know beforehand whenever possible if they want to bring someone back. Ask your partner how your hair seems. Never keep silent and stew over these things when you have so much on your platter as a young couple and family.

Affection, Show it More

It is very critical to keep affection going post-birth even if full physical intimacy is off the menu for a time. Oxytocin, a bonding hormone is released through cuddle, kissing, hand holding and hugs too.

When you stop being physically in contact as you feel so tired and frustrated it can be difficult to regenerate; in simple words, ‘use it or lose it’.

Some women can get ‘cuddle-fatigue’ post-birth having nursed, cuddled, and carried around their baby the entire day. If your partner looks over-keen for cuddles let them know that a little could go a long way. When it comes to enjoying complete physical intimacy again take it slowly and make sure there has been some romance first.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Do You Find it Hard to Forgive and Forget Someone? Here Are Some Ways that Will Truly Let you Forgive and Forget

It is a very common phenomenon when someone says they are not able to forgive or forget a specific incident specifically when it involves a relationship. Letting go is often the most difficult thing to accomplish. You may have heard that forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Perhaps because forgiving is not easy, specifically, when some deeds do not appear worthy of forgiveness. However, the difficult work is worth it. It has been seen that positive psychology has found forgiveness can be helpful in dealing with symptoms of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Forgiving can give personal peace and also improve physical health. How? Because forgiveness is not just about making other person feel good about their transgressions. It is also, about lightening the mental weight that their transgressions have left upon you. This lightening impact is not simply metaphorical.

In the year of 2014 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, 160 persons were divided into three groups. One group mentioned an incident in which they had been gravely hurt, but decided to forgive their offender; another group said about a time in which they are yet to forgiven an offender, and a control group mentioned a neutral interaction with a friend. All those participants were then guided through a mock fitness drill in which they had to jump as high as they could five times. The participants who had said about forgiveness jumped significantly higher compared to those in the unforgiving set.

Are you amongst those who find it hard to forgive or forget? This blog by Delhi’s Top Psychologist, Marriage Counselor, and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo says here are some ways that will truly let you forgive and forget.

Bring to Light

Be absolute honest with yourself about your anger and pain, and analyze the complete damage the injustice has caused in your life. If your parent made you feel inadequate while growing up, does your self-esteem still suffers? Do you search for love and validation in an unhealthy manner?

Determine

You need to make the conscious decision to forgive those who harmed you, and give up on any vengeful conduct on your part. If an office colleague once stole an idea of yours, say, and you have been denying him/her credit on other projects ever since this is time to change your method. The negativity and anger you stick to would not do you any good in the long run.

Act

It takes work to understand and empathize with a person who has hurt you. Here you need to ask yourself a certain question: What was life like for this individual while growing up? What psychological wounds he/she might be nursing? What added pressures or stresses was the individual experiencing at that moment he/she offended you? Then thought of a small gift, if you could offer that person. It could be a simple smile, a handshake or a hug, a returned phone call or message, or simply more tolerance the next moment you are with them. Bear in mind, though, that forgiveness and reconciliation are never the same. If you were living or are in an abusive relationship of any sort, your forgiveness might and should come from afar.

Discover

Look for meaning and purpose in what you have been through. How could you help others who may be hurting? If you have been a victim of any physical or mental bias, for instance, you may decide to become more active in some humanitarian issues. In the emotional relief of letting it go, you can even discover the paradox of forgiveness: As you give to others the gifts of mercy, kindness, generosity, and moral love, you yourself get healed.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Reasons Why Listening Boosts Relationships

If you are not driving, you are sleeping, and if you are at work you are texting, writing e-mails and talking, but rarely listening, means actually, listening.

Listening seems to be a declining skill because listening means absolute listening and nothing else Not thinking of tomorrow’s activity, the “To Do” list and the growing message inbox.

Relationship Experts Shivani says listening is such a passive act that several of you simply do not do it.

Some studies have indicated that one typically remembers merely 25 to 30% of what one hears. However, ‘Active Listening’ can enhance that figure enormously. One of the methods to use ‘Active Listening’ is to remember the mostly-used expression that “eyes and ears must be used in the same proportion they have been allocated to you.”

In today’s digital world one seems to be constantly playing catch up with voice calls, e-mails, meetings, and ever-expanding tight deadlines. As a result, one seems to be “broadcasting” all the time but quite rarely listening to what is essential.

The kids tend to watch television whilst texting their friends and doing homework. How do they do that? Actually, the answer is that they cannot do all those things well at the same time.

So, is it that essential? Yes, it is. If one doesn’t truly listen one does not get the actual message being communicated. If one doesn’t get the real message then one can’t act appropriately.

If you really want to boost relationships and grow your business then you have to work towards good listening. Here are some of the reasons shared by Delhi’s top marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo why listening boosts relationships.

You Can Gain Information

If you listen, truly listen; you can learn things about the person, be it your spouse, kids or colleague, their aspirations, their fears, their work, and what you may be able to help them with.

There is so much of the spoken meanings are hidden in inflection, tone, and expression, so listening is critical for understanding and gaining information. And as you all know, information is power. It lets you fashion the necessary responses and strategy to assist the person to whom you are listening.

Increases Your Accuracy

When you listen genuinely, you have a better recollection of vital facts and issues.

This can result in fewer miscommunications and errors and makes you more efficient and have more value in your relationships both personal and professional ones.

You Build Trust

When you give your entire attention to the persons expressing thoughts and experiences that are essential to them, they are possibly to see you as a person who really thinks and cares about them.

When you are obviously paying attention to that person and you refrain from interjecting opinions, judgments, and advice, or finishing their sentences, you are seen as someone who cares and can be truly trusted with their information and confidence. This develops trust and later on bonding.

You Form A Relationship

When you listen properly to the other individual’s point of view a real conversation can arise. A meaningful and informed conversation can take place rather than sound bites being chosen and conclusions jumped too. When this genuine interaction takes place, you naturally form a relationship.

The biggest problem in today’s hectic world is that one does not often bother to listen to things carefully, as a result, more friction takes place. Because others perceive that you do not have time for them. This is often the beginning of a collapsing relationship. So, when you are in conversation, let’s be certain to do everything you can to make sure you are being an Active Listener.

It is active listening which leads to solid relationships and relationships are built through several human attributes. At the base of these attributes is LISTENING.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Times When It’s Better Not to Communicate in Your Relationships

The generation of our parents placed a high value on “being strong” and tackling problems internally rather than rapidly talking and sharing with others when they are troubled.  The “strong silent sort” was a very attractive characteristic to that specific generation, specifically, in males. Our past generations lived through terrible deprivation as kids mainly because of the trauma of wars, a weak economy, and other uncertainties as young adults. Most of that generation lived with considerable deprivation, uncertainty, and loss. One imagines that the value for being strong and silent was a very worthy coping mechanism to assist them to deal with the depth of suffering that most of us now living now, have never experienced on a national scale. Those who have experienced personal trauma or loss would be an exception.

Communication Is Quite Valuable but Not Always Beneficial

The generation we are now in, places a high value on communicating feelings, communicating for deep understanding and connection. There are people who now places a very high value on communicating in openness, transparency, and love as critical ingredients to intimate relationships. Although honest and vulnerable communication is usually, highly beneficial to healthy relationships, not all issues can be resolved through communication. Counselor Shivani says, there are times when it is better to stay silent than to communicate. Certainly, there is a risk in going too far to one extreme or another on the spectrum of communicating or staying silent.

This blog from India’s Top Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares when it is better to be silent in your relationship.

Complaining and Criticizing that is Classified as Verbal Processing/Just Venting

Doing it will only be disastrous to you, to your relationship, and to the person you are criticizing. It is very much more life-giving to approach a conversation having the idea of trying to make things better instead of pointing out the other one’s faults. If you have to talk to a third party about a problem with an acquaintance, then have the discussion about getting ideas to improve the circumstances.

Communicating Negative Thoughts and Feelings about Another Individual

Normally, it is not wise to quickly communicate negative thoughts and feelings that you have about another person. Instead, it is good to look inside first to see if part of the problem is yours to deal with. You need to own and manage your own stuff first. When you have completed this first step, and the interpersonal issues remain, then it is good to talk and work out the issues as best you can.

Sometimes you adopt the wrong idea that another person is obligated to change if you communicate that “your feelings are hurt” by something they have done or if you communicate that you “need” something from them. While it can be quite valuable to a relationship to communicate how you experience the relationship, the idea that the other individual is obligated to adapt to your feelings can easily make a relationship where the other person is controlled by your feelings rather than by what is better for the relationship.

Communication that Creates Heated Conflict

Waiting for the best time to communicate related to the problems can make the difference between bringing understanding and link or creating more conflict. When things get heated and emotionally intense simply waiting until both individuals have had time to calm down can be hard but critical to having a fruitful discussion. Conflict resolution could be very difficult until you communicate with the proper mindset, that is, the mindset that you want the best solution to be the result rather than you need to be right or you need to have things to be done your way.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Is Your Partner Avoidant? Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo Reveals Ways to Increase Communication and Intimacy with an Avoidant Partner

Avoidant partners create distance, restrict communication and fly below the radar in romantic relationships. These things can leave partners feeling confused, unimportant, frustrated, and abandoned.

Avoidant partner’s distancing strategies mostly have deep historical roots. Some avoidant partners might have grown up repeatedly feeling overwhelmed by sheer pressure from parents to be a certain way. Others might have gotten messages that it was not good to say no to a parent or authority figure.

Oftentimes as child avoidant partners’ emotions were discouraged or not reflected by a parent. This child may have felt he/she is a disappointment to a parent.

Counselor Shivani says after repeatedly attempting unsuccessfully to win a parent’s approval, some kids tend to hedge their bets or finally give up. As adults, they can unwittingly carry that template of disappointment to their relationships in a manner they may not fully realize.

Though avoidant partners might seem cool or unfeeling, studies have shown that people with an avoidant style are simply as emotionally anxious as those on the opposite end of the horizon who have an anxious attachment style.

Partners having an anxious style worry they will not meet their own needs and seek another person to do so. Avoidant partners have the opposite fear that no one else will ever meet their expectations so they conclude they can simply depend on themselves. Feeling on their own, they keep their distance in hopes of minimizing the inevitable disappointments they fear.

Despite their fears, individuals who take an avoidant stance in relationships, if properly motivated and with their partner’s help, can become more open to greater intimacy, communication besides closeness.

If you opt to be with a partner having an avoidant style, here are some approaches shared by India’s Top Marriage Counselor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo which stresses on how you can increase communication and intimacy with an avoidant partner.

Never Chase

If you go after people who need space, they will possibly run even faster or turn and fight. When avoidant partners withdraw, allow them. It could be painful to let them go temporarily but chasing them is likely to make it take much longer before they come back around.

Ask Them What You Need Rather Than Saying What You Don’t

Complaints are usually, desires and longings in disguise. Few of you like it when someone complains about you. Most of you are more responsive when someone you care about voices what they desire.

Don’t Take it Personally

Avoidant partners look for distance out of self-protection. They are afraid of the loss of self. It is not about you. If an avoidant partner appears overly critical of you, you do not have to take it on. Remember, your partner is possibly self-critical too.

Offer Understanding

One quality mostly in short supply in relationships is listening. Be open to listening about your partner’s feelings and issues, whichever way they are expressed. Be kind and compassionate. Listen to understand, not to fix an issue.

Strengthen Positive Actions

When an avoidant partner does something you love or like, let them know. Let them know what you value in the relationship and what is working. This can balance an avoidant partner’s tendency to focus just on the negative only.

Respect Differences

Understand that your partner’s speed may be slower than yours but that does not actually mean your partner does not want to be with you.

Be Reliable and Trustworthy

Avoidant partners generally, expect to be disappointed. That makes it all the more vital that you do what you say. Never make promises you cannot keep.

Accept that Both of You Have Unrealistic Fantasies

An avoidant partner might have a fantasy of a perfect partner who meets all of his/her needs. You could have a fantasy of a perfect relationship in which you never feel lonely or sad. None of those are realistic.

Develop Your Own Interests

Please understand that no partner can fulfill all your needs. Have your own friends and hobbies. When avoidant partners observe that you are self-sufficient and doing things without them, it possibly paradoxically draws them to you since they can have less fear that you will become overly dependent on them.

Give Space

When things are going smooth and you feel your partner is coming closer, it could be tempting to open the floodgates and voice all your desires for closeness. You might worry that the open gateway could close at any time and seek to say all the things you have stored up while you can. However, this is mostly counterproductive. Rather, enjoy your partner’s sincere efforts to get close without overwhelming the moment. Doing so could make it feel safer for an avoidant partner to move closer and stay closer longer.

Be Mindful While Expressing Strong Emotions

You need to be capable to express your feelings and needs to your partner. But emotional expressions delivered intensely mostly overwhelm avoidant persons who can’t hear your message since they withdraw or shut down. You are more likely to be heard if you communicate your feelings sincerely, and openly but having a moderate tone.

Never Try to Change or Protect Your Partner

Trying to change a person’s basic attachment style is fruitless. It wastes all your time and it annoys the partner. However, it might be that in a secure relationship an avoidant partner may become more willing to risk intimacy and closeness over time.

Be Honest with Your Partner with Regards to Your Needs

If you need or desire more than your partner can give, the relationship is possibly not going to work. Be certain to communicate clearly, calmly, and using examples for your needs and desires. Your partner could then decide how to respond based on a proper knowledge of what you need rather than simply assuming or guessing.

Recognize Their Limitations

Avoidant partners might require more personal time and take more distance than you possibly like. That might never change. You need to accept that no partner is perfect.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.



Secrets Behind People Hiding Emotions Revealed By Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

It may feel strange when at times, you struggle to tell even the person closest to you about your true emotions. Keeping feelings of anger, sadness, and misery into words can be quite difficult. Even if the words are at the tip of your tongue, even if they are shouting in your mind and you look to let them out, you clench them back.

Counselor Shivani says there are times when the words are simply not enough to show how genuinely you feel. You wish to perhaps you do not know.

Also, at times one may feel exhausted from attempting to repair things and totally given up because he/she feels nothing will improve.

India’s leading Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog reveal secrets behind people hiding emotions.

You Have Doubts Whether People Will Understand You

At certain times, you might suppress your feelings since you are worried that people will not understand. You think that when they fail to relate with what you are going through, they might reject or disapprove of what you are feeling or saying, simply because they do not get it. However, there is always a possibility to find someone who will really understand you and never reject anything you have to say as small or tell you that you are being too sensitive or unreasonable.

You Do Not Trust Others To See Your Vulnerable Side

To reveal your innermost fears and doubts can be terrifying. Putting yourself out there can seem like you are exposing yourself, making your soul bare, and allowing someone a look inside. And you feel that people may take advantage of you or maybe even leave you alone when you are vulnerable. As difficult as it might be, taking the chance to get in touch with your feelings with someone you really trust can help your emotional wellbeing.

You Try To Be In Control Of Your Emotions But At Times Repress Them Up

Over a period of time, you might have been convinced that shedding a tear or saying that you are hurt is a sign of weakness. You combat with yourself to remain in control of your emotions, to stay emotionally rigid due to the perfectionist that you are. But being able to counter your fears in front of people, is the actual test of emotional strength, rather than ignore your genuine emotions and try to bury them away somewhere in your mind.

You Try To Avoid Arguments and Conflicts

Does not matter how difficult the situation is, you do everything to avoid getting into a tussle, specifically with someone close to you. You think that saying excessive or revealing your true feelings could get you trapped in unwanted arguments. However, in certain cases, having healthy discussions can boost your emotional bond with someone. When your requirements are equally met with that of the other individual, it can develop a cemented relationship.

You Believe That Whatever You Will Do Will Not Get Better

Post trying too hard to make things good, you may feel hopeless and totally given up on trying anymore. It is possible that you think your spouse, friend, or family member is too stubborn or ignorant to the way you feel. But it’s essential to ensure you have relationships where you can freely open-up without any fear of being judged or looked down upon.

You Carry The Burden Of Others, Despite It Hurts You

You prioritize the feelings of others before your own. And due to this, you willingly carry the burden of others while putting yours aside. You are first to show up and help others from the difficulties they are in but you never look out for help when you’re in need. Even when you are hurt, you show up for the people who matter to you. But at times, you need a break, too. You need a time where you can break down, allow your feelings out, and cry on someone’s shoulder who will calmly listen. Countering your feelings and coping with them can improve your relationship with yourself and others.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.


Signs That Indicate Your Relationship Has Become One-Sided

It takes Two to Tango, as the saying goes. This perfectly fits the bill for a relationship to flourish. A relationship is a journey where two individuals need to live and grow in sync.

Marriage Counselor Shivani says a one-sided relationship has dire consequences for your emotional and even physical health. Once you are in one, it is very difficult to feel emotionally secure. You are constantly trying to make the relationship something that it could never be.

This conflict makes pave for stress, and stress hormones cause physical side effects including anxiety, depression, difficulty sleeping, hypervigilance, irritability and overall feeling internally keyed up. One-sided relationships take a huge toll, and yet mostly continue far longer than they ought to be.

In this blog, India’s top Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo is saying to take a moment to think if your relationship is one-sided and, if yes, look to overcome this pattern by trying out the things given below.

Counselor Shivani says here are some of the signs that indicate your relationship is one-sided

·       You never feel safe within the relationship.

·       You over-analyze and second-guess your partner’s real motives.

·       You always feel you are lacking in some way.

·       You always initiate deepening the relationship, to no avail.

·       You do not share your real feelings with your partner.

·       You feel empty post your interactions.

·       You do the entire work to maintain the relationship.

·       You believe you have already invested excessively in the relationship that you have to make it to keep alive and cannot leave.

·       You feel that your relationship is a house of cards.

·       You feel that your self-esteem depends as long as the relationship lasts.

·       You do not feel genuinely known by your partner.

·       You make excuses for your partner.

·       You are fearful of upsetting your partner or of causing conflict.

·       You settle for small bursts of connection although you crave more intimacy from your partner.

·       You worry about the time you will see or talk to your partner again.

·       You are always distracted by your relationship dynamics and hence, cannot focus on other dimensions of your life or be present in them.

·       You enjoy moments with your partner, but once the interaction is over, you feel alone and lonely.

·       You are not growing as an individual.

·       You are not genuine with your partner because you look to ensure he/she stays happy with you.

·       If you express yourself, your spouse turns the tables on you and you end up with a feeling that you are the cause of the entire problem in your relationship.

Counselor Shivani says if you identify or feel familiar with more of these signs then you would like, begin undoing the pattern by attempting this exercise. Ask yourself the given questions and be brutally honest with yourself:

·       How many times have you repeated this pattern of one-sided relationships in your life?

·       Did you ever have a one-sided relationship with a parent/friend/caregiver while growing up (in which it was always more about those than it was about you)?

·       Can you see a relationship in which your needs were met, and how well that felt to you, or imagine how that may feel if you were in one?

·       What keeps you acting so hard and not allowing go or moving onto something more emotionally fulfilling?

·       If you are working to feel secure and complete, look for if there is another way to get these very normal basic needs met.

·       If you were to call off the relationship, how would you fill the void in a manner that would be deeper and more fulfilling for you?

·       Are you working to without availing on something that drains out your energy and resources without much or any payoff for you?

·       Do one-sided relationships show your lack of self-esteem? Are you coupling with individuals or people who keep you stuck not feeling so great about yourself?

·       What could you do that will provide more and fill your part more than this relationship?

·       Can you begin to identify when you are overworking in the relationship and rather step back and let it go?

It may sound bitter or uncomfortable. But uncoupling from one-sided relationships demands work but it is possible. The initial step is to recognize that you are in one. The next is to start considering other methods you can feel good about yourself and what you need, separate from your relationship, to have a pleasant life.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.






Things to Do If You Feel That You and Your Partner Are Always Playing the Blame Games

When you are in a relationship, it is quite easy to shift all the blame on your partner even if you know it is not completely their fault. After all, nobody ever truly wants to be wrong. But when you are in a relationship, it is essential to sacrifice being correct for the good of the relationship. If you don’t, marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says the blame game can damage your relationship.

Blaming, specifically the constant blaming is a quite unhealthy communication style and mostly leads to one fighting unfairly and bringing in the past into the present arguments.

Playing the blame game is quite common. But that does not make it healthy. In fact, relationship expert Shivani says blaming is never a positive thing and is generally a sign of an unhealthy relationship dynamic. This can vary from everyday things to major things. More often than not, it is not about the ‘what’ you are blamed for, but rather the ‘why’ you are being blamed or needing to blame. For example, if one partner has a difficult time owning up to their mistakes, he/she will push the accountability on someone else.

Nothing positive can ever really come out of blaming your other half. So in this blog, India’s top Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo say what you can do to stop the blame game from sabotaging your relationship.

Identify When You Are Being Blamed And Discuss It

If one of you feels like you are being blamed for something, bring this up. Reach to the root of why your spouse is making you feel like you have done something wrong. Make it known and grab it as soon as possible. When left unattended, it can start to become a pattern in the relationship that is seen as normal. Patterns of blaming could lead to unhealthy and potentially toxic relationship styles. To prevent getting stuck in a blame game cycle, never call your partner out on it. Use “I” statements rather, such as “I feel like you are blaming me for something and I need to understand why.

Always Remind Yourself That Your Partner Is Not You

Sometimes all it takes is a small shift in mindset. Accepting that your partner is distinct from you can be an essential reframing. So always remind yourself, your partner is different, not necessarily wrong. Then, have a calm discussion in an attempt to understand where your partner is coming from. If you don’t, it’s normal to end the discussion by agreeing to disagree.

Talk Honestly About Your Expectations

When couples find themselves engulfed in the blame game, it is mostly because they and/or their spouse have implicit expectations about specific things that must be happening in the relationship or the manner that their partner must or must not be behaving. It is essential to remember that your partner is not a mind reader. They may assume to know what you need, but they won’t ever really know unless you openly let them know. Recognizing what these expectations are, and voicing them to your partner is crucial in breaking this pattern. A conversation about the expectations can help to put the blame game on the backtrack.

Active Listening

Be open, curious, and truly listen to your partner. As difficult as it might be, do not say anything while your partner shares their side of the story. If you provide them an opportunity to speak and actually listen to what they are saying, you can avoid a big argument.

Practice Gratitude

The antidote to criticism and blaming is to opt to focus on enjoying each other more. When everything’s annoying, that is a litmus test that is telling you are not focusing enough on positive input. So, practice gratitude. Think about all the various things you love about your partner every day and express your appreciation. When you continuously see your partner in a good light, you are less possibly to blame, criticize, or lash out in hurtful ways.

Know That You Cannot Control How Your Partner Reacts, But You Can Control Yourself

The simplest way to get stuck playing the blame game is to keep throwing accusations to and fro. While you cannot control what your partner says or does, but you can control yourself. It’s essential to remember that you are still individuals, two individuals who together make up one couple. You still have the right to speak up, shift away from a situation that you do not like, or simply leave altogether.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.