Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Sometimes remaining happy in a relationship can be tricky but with a trust that has developed over the years remaining happy is not that difficult at all. After all love, trust and compatibility play a big role in being happy as a couple.
Though there are no secrets or formulas for remaining happily married there are certain things that can ensure a merry time for the couples. And definitely some habits before going to sleep are some of those.
Keep in mind that, a couple that sleeps together remains together. Thanks to your busy schedules, you hardly get time to spend with each other. In fact, a few couples, who have a different working schedule, may even go to bed at different times. However, it is important for couples to go to sleep at the same time, which helps them to keep intact the warmth and intimacy in their relationship.
They Do Not Attend To Phone Calls Or Texts
Smartphones are both a blessing and a curse in your life. Your overdependency on your phones, particularly social media, can affect your lives and those around you. This is the reason why several couples who enjoy a happy marital life, keep their phone on silent or attend to calls only when it is a real urgency after they go to bed.
They Do Not Bring Their Work To The Bedroom
If you are somebody who continuously thinks about office work on your laptop or phone even minutes while going to bed, you need to alter this habit as quickly as you can. People who think about work past bedtime is less possible to have a happily married life.
They Do Not Go To Bed Angry
This is one trait that happily married couples are seen doing. They seldom go to bed angry. Even if they had a fight or an argument, they make it sure to resolve it. Harboring negative emotions while going to sleep not only impacts your health but also affects your peace of mind in a negative manner.
Keeps Their Bedroom Clutter And Gadget Free
The bedroom is the only place where a couple gets the chance to spend time with each other without any disturbances. This is the sole reason why married couples keep their bedroom clutter and gadget-free ends up spending some quality time in each other’s company.
You have all given your entire energy into the wedding for days and months, and you have gone through the complete process of hiring, buying, and returning everything possible. Now, you are beginning to feel blues. Is post-marriage depression a reality, or is it all in your mind?
The reality is: 1 in 10 brides reports feeling post-marriage depression, and it is likely this number is often under-reported most of the time. You are not alone, and brides, in particular, tend to suffer from it, though grooms can also feel a bit of this.
Like any kind of depression, it is difficult to know exactly what causes post-marriage depression. 1 factor appears to be the difference between brides who perceived the wedding as their big goal and those who thought about the wedding as the beginning of a new chapter in life. If you have been preparing for the marriage like some would cheer on like during the run in a favorite sport, it is no surprise you are feeling blue.
Another reason can be the events linked with the wedding. If you are planning a honeymoon, you might be stressed out about it. If you have already done it, the disappointment of getting back to your own home and normal life again could be daunting. Perhaps you and your new partner are now living together for the first time. Depression can definitely result from the changed living conditions, even when you are happy living with your new spouse.
How Can You Prevent Post-Marriage Depression?
If you have not yet held your wedding, it is smart to be searching ahead to what you can expect to post the wedding, good for you. There are lots of things you can do to assist prevent post-marriage depression, though there are no sureties.
First, stay grounded as you plan your marriage. Bear in mind to keep looking past the wedding to your future schedules and the daily things that matter to you, rather than wasting all your energy into the wedding every day. This entire focus will leave a gap after the wedding, so avoid being completely engrossed by the process.
During the wedding and after it, remember that your moment could be here, but you will not remain the center of attraction. Though you can enjoy it, try not to get accustomed to it. Highlight those near you and their efforts and achievements. Sometimes, that can feel better than being the center of attraction.
Lastly, try to share the burden. Not only will this stop you from being totally absorbed in the wedding or from being the center of attraction, but it will ensure you do not reach a zone that alienates friends and family. These people around you will be your critical support post the wedding, as well.
How To Alleviate Post-Marriage Depression?
If you see yourself missing the frenzy of planning and excitement, or feeling blue without actually knowing why you can still recover from post-marriage depression all by yourself. The most necessary step to take is to seek out a therapist if the depression carries on or if you feel like you need to see a specialist you are not the first to suffer from post-marriage depression, nor you will be the last.
You can initially try to shift the planning and creativity-based tasks to something else. Marriage involves a huge amount of both, and this needs both left-brain and right-brain types. You can plan your career or take up a new activity. Learn to dance, take a course in learning a language or simply help some other person.
Have you ever thought about up a new hobby? You might have to drop hobbies in order to make time for the marriage, so this is the perfect time to pick them back up. Never give in when the temptation to spend the extra time watching TV programs. It will only add to the depression. Rather, get involved in something. You can join social work, take up a sports activity, or start exercising daily. In fact, exercise and yoga are some of the best remedies for depression.
How To Set Goals To Recover From Post-Marriage Depression?
Suppose there are no underlying biological or medical causes for your depression, you might be able to treat it by merely shifting your focus and your goals. Rather than planning for a wedding, take a look at the stuff you have always wanted to do. Those things that keep you awake at night. The things that force you daydream about how you could ever possibly achieve them.
Whatever that dream is that you forgot about in the hours of planning the marriage, bring it into the forefront of your mind again and start planning.
Plan meticulously. Do not simply idly think about it time and again. Make a deadline that forces you to get creative as your wedding did. Use checklists and diaries, tell all your friends about the deadlines, make small steps, and recruit your loved one’s help.
There’s no reason why you should have to suffer from post-marriage depression. If the depression continues, talk to a specialist, and remember to confide in your partner, friends, and family. Your support system is always the finest of you, and they can be a source of comfort and joy as you divert your focus from the wedding to your new life ahead.
Psychology says manipulation is directly influencing someone’s beliefs, desires, or emotions, such that a person falls short of ideals for belief, desire, or emotion in ways typically not in his/her self-interest or likely not as per the situation in the current context.”
Manipulation is an art or perhaps even a pseudo-science, may be a dark science to an extent. History is replete with examples of manipulation.
Is it good or bad?
Thanks to the digital connectivity sharing information is a cakewalk in today’s fast-paced life. But this same connectivity also helps in manipulating the public perception of reality through ‘fake news’. But manipulation can be positive or negative depending upon whether it takes the form of persuasion or coercion.
Persuasion is about getting people to do things they want to do whereas Coercion is about getting people to do things they don’t want to do. Inspiring or encouraging a person to do something that can be beneficial for him if he is afraid of doing is called good manipulation.
While using somebody for your own self motives with primary means to hurt that individual whom one is using is bad manipulation.
Positive manipulation motivates employees to achieve their goals thereby improving organizational performance.
Using negative manipulation, manipulator twist words, play on emotions and manage a situation in a sneaky fashion to get what he wants. This kills the confidence of the person being manipulated.
What goes on in the mind of a manipulator? Psychological reasons behind the manipulation.
Narcissistic Mentality: Manipulators usually suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder which is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and the deep need for admiration. They consider that they are better than others. They are not concerned about how others feel. Individuals with narcissistic personality (NPD) may find it difficult to form close relationships. So, they may resort to manipulation to maintain a good relationship with their partners.
It’s In Their Family: Sometimes manipulators have a difficult childhood wherein they are deprived of love and affection, status and privilege from their family members. Sometimes they struggle for economic and social survival. This is what turns them into manipulators.
It’s In Their Genes: Manipulative behavior can be hereditary too.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): BPD might help manipulators to satisfy their emotional needs or for obtaining validation. This happens because such manipulators feel insecure or abandoned.
Give Me Power: Manipulators love the feeling of being powerful. They love to control people and situations. They want to be the king and be in charge of everything.
Lack Of Consciousness: This is another reason for being manipulative. They believe that the only way to achieve their goal in this ‘unsafe world’ is by manipulation.)
Last but not least, whatever the psychology behind manipulation is, manipulators can change for the better. They just need the right guidance for that to overcome that negative trait which becomes a part of their life.
Here are a few stress busters for children and teenagers!
A teenage child suddenly stops attending school, despite being a good student. When asked, she would simply slam the door and lock oneself in for hours. After a few days, the child finally told his parents about being bullied at school. The child was under severe mental stress so much so that the kid even tried committing suicide.
Every individual has some trouble, but when you worry it becomes double! Hence, don’t worry, be happy!
Currently, India ranks the highest in the world in terms of the suicide rate for the youth between the age groups of 15 and 29. About 9 out of 10 Indians suffer from stress.
What is stress?
In today’s fast-paced world, where one has no time to stand and stare, the word ‘stress’ needs no formal introduction. However, in simple words, stress is your body’s way of responding to any kind of demand or threat. For instance, when you sense danger, be it real or imaginary—the body’s defense system kicks into high gear in a rapid, automatic process called the “fight-or-flight” reaction or the “stress response.”
What causes stress?
Stress occurs from the tension between an individual’s reaction to hard times or challenges and his or her ability to handle and resolve the stressful situation. These situations and pressures that cause stress are called Stressors. Stressors can be either physiological (or physical) stressors or psychological stressors.
Physiological (or physical) stressors put a strain on our body i.e. very cold/hot temperatures, injury, chronic illness, or pain.
Psychological Stressors are events, situations, individuals, comments, or anything you interpret as negative or threatening. For e.g. unable to secure good grades at exams or being bullied at school or relationship crisis.
Good stress and bad stress
Psychology says the pressure of exhilarating, creative successful act is beneficial while that of failure, humiliation, and infection is detrimental.
Good stress motivates and keeps you on your toes during an important presentation at school or college, increases your concentration level and even drives you to study for an exam when you’d rather be watching TV. Athletes even break the world records under stress.
Bad stress is when stress stops being good and helpful and starts affecting your physical, psychological and social health and reduces your productivity and creativity.
How To Distress? / A Few Effective Stress-Busters/Ways of Beating The Stress
You are what you eat. Junk food not only hampers a child’s physical growth but also affects their brain development. So, say NO to junk food and YES to healthy food like fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, a variety of protein foods, and low-fat dairy products. Eat a balanced meal for a healthy body and a healthy mind.
Think Positive:
Learn to be optimistic! Train your brain for more positive self-talk. Think ‘I CAN’ rather than ‘I CANNOT’.
Listen To Music:
Music can be a great healer for relieving stress. It acts as a medicine for your stressed mind.
Exercise Daily:
Exercise pumps up your brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters, called endorphins and is a great stress buster.
Empathize/ Sharing And Caring:
Parents must try to put themselves in their kid’s shoes and understand their point of view. This is called cognitive empathy. After all, sharing is caring! Listen to your child and help him or her to deal with the daily stress and strain of life.
Rest Is Must:
As per the National Sleep Foundation, teens must get 8-10 hours of sleep daily. This helps to regulate hormones, consolidate memory, solidify learning, and restore energy.
Reduce Screen Time:
Teenagers who spend seven hours or more a day on screens (excluding schoolwork) are more prone to stress and anxiety, are less emotionally stable compared to those who spend just one hour a day on screens (excluding schoolwork).
Meditation:
Meditation helps teens and children to deal with peer pressure, to be more focussed, be more confident and thus acts as a great stress buster.
A few women feel a real man do not exist, that he is impossible to get. Some women do not want somebody like him. On the other hand, many men think they are the best definition of a real man.
While some men feel there is no such thing. One thing is sure, though, those men who think they are the actual definition of a real man and those who believe they are not very often wrong.
If you want to know that you are a real man or are in a relationship with a real man, look out the actions. A real man behaves very differently from the selfish boy types you get to everywhere that you cannot fail to notice the difference.
He is a complete gentleman, good for more than just the first initial months. Essentially, a real man does things so nicely when he is into a relationship that one just has to love him and his style.
He may not love her all the time, but he loves her. Not only her body, her possessions, and her status, but entre of her. He knows that as beautiful as her body is at present, physical beauty fades. Thus, he focuses his love and attention on her true beauty, which is found inside her sensibilities and personality. He treats her like a lady, with great dignity and respect. He never minds cooking her favorite food, taking her out to dinner and paying the bills. He also expects love and respect from her.
Commits To The Relationship Completely
He never cheats. He is loyal to his partner and understands that relationships take hard work to keep it strong and healthy. His affection for his woman is a full-time commitment. He nourishes and boosts the relationship through ongoing, honest interaction and teamwork. When you are with a real man, you know you can trust the man. He will stay faithful does not matter what and expects you to do the same.
Protects His Woman Physically And Emotionally
It is not that a woman cannot protect and defend herself, but he is there for her anyways. He protects her in several ways, including providing financial security and comforting her and making her feel that things will be okay. He is ready to throw a good punch if required to defend her from physical aggressors. However, he thinks before he acts. He never makes a move until he is sure about all details and specifics are in order. His moves are analytic, deliberate and certain. Abuse of any kind is not an issue when you are with him. He is considerate and treats everybody kindly.
He Fulfils His Partner Mentally And Sexually
He knows that most of the time in any relationship is spent doing non-physical, non-sexual things. Apart from whispering to her how beautiful she is or how he is going to make passionate love to her when he gets back home during the evening, he also engages his partner in meaningful discussions about life plan with her, and cracks joke to ease up and liven moments together. He shows awareness, intelligence, and sensitivity that makes his acts not only timely but also genuinely charming.
He Takes Responsibility For Each Actions And Decisions
He does not put blame on his partner or try to defend his mistakes. He acknowledges when he has committed a mistake apologizes for it, learns from it and acts to make it right. Apologizing is not an issue with him. He knows it does not make him any less of himself to say it. In fact, apologizing makes him more of a man because it shows he has the confidence, courage, and integrity to admit his faults and looks to correct them.
He Always Speaks His Mind
He is not afraid or worried to say what is on his mind. He will say no without any fear whenever he does not agree with something. He will debate with you on topics he is not comfortable with without losing his temper. He will be honest and talk to you like an equal, then allow you to have your own conclusions or take whatever action you may want. This does not mean he is indifferent or treats his partner badly. He simply does not agree with her on everything. He understands a Yes-man is no man at all.
He Stands Up For His Relationship
At times friends, family and even strangers ask inappropriate things or make improper remarks about your relationship, like saying you are not a good couple. In those cases, a real man stands up for himself and his partner and defends the legitimacy and integrity of the relationship. Even when they are his peers, he speaks up and stands his ground to protect his relationship. This says he can express himself in the presence of others, protect his woman and act as an authoritative man.
Does your palm get sweaty or your heart starts beating like a big brass band every time you leave your home for your workplace? Do you keep worrying about everyday social situations or how people will judge or scrutinize you?
This constant feeling of tension or worry that interferes with your daily life even when there is no real threat is what we call ANXIETY. People with anxiety disorder often feel that sickening sense of fear almost every day. It just does not let you live in peace. However, there is a fine line of difference between ‘fear’ and ‘anxiety’.
If fear is fearful of something in particular or definite like maybe a fear of insects, then anxiety is being anxious about nothing in particular. Human psychology defines anxiety as ‘the state of being troubled and uneasy. It includes choke, throttle, trouble, and upset and encompasses behavioral, affective and cognitive responses to the perception of danger. Anxiety isn’t always bad.
The good news is that in small doses, it motivates us to deal with the challenges of life. It also helps us to identify and respond to danger in ‘flight or fight’ mode. The bad news is that persistent anxiety may lead to several anxiety disorders like Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Panic Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Social Phobia (or Social Anxiety Disorder).
In other words, today you practically live in ‘an age of anxiety’. About 275 million people suffer from anxiety disorders today. Out of which approximately 170 million are female and about 105 million are male sufferers.
In this era of technological revolution as we constantly toggle between screens and compulsively check social media anxiety is inevitable. The hustle and bustle of today’s hectic life presents situations that cause extreme anxiety. Though the particular causes of anxiety are unknown. Yet, some of the causes could be:
· Social Pressure
· Marital distress
· Work-Related Stress
· Financial Problems
· Usage Of Drugs
· Medical Illness (like heart attack, heat stroke, hypoglycemia)
· Genetic
To get rid of your anxiety, what should you do? Take a deep breath or try meditation or simply talk to someone. There are various ways of coping with anxiety.
It reduces anxiety by lowering the level of the body’s stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. It also boosts the production of endorphins, chemicals in the brain which are the body’s natural painkillers and mood elevators. It also helps you to sleep better thereby relieving your anxiety.
Take Supplements
Supplements like lemon balm, ashwagandha (an herb) or green tea is very helpful in treating anxiety. Since some supplements can interact with medications or might have side-effects, hence it is advisable to consult the doctor beforehand.
Reduce Your Caffeine Intake
Caffeine present in beverages like tea, coffee, energy drinks or even chocolate stimulates your “fight or flight” response that can make your anxiety worse.
Spend Time With Your Loved Ones
Spending some quality time with friends and family acts as a natural stress reliever. It kills your anxiety. What can be more comforting than a warm embrace from your mother or maybe hanging out with your BFF? Several studies reveal that hugging releases oxytocin in the brain that lowers blood pressure while being with your best friend reduces the level of cortisol stress hormone. That makes you less anxious!
Being in a toxic relationship is not never an easy task. Most of you want to get out of toxic work life, friendships and also relationships. However, when it comes to relationships, one needs to understand if the habits are really toxic.
Plenty of times you end up objectifying common habits and tendencies as toxic when in actuality they are not. After all, no relationship is perfect and at times all it needs is some time and reflection. While most of you want things to be scenic and romantic all the time, which in reality is not practical to attain.
Sometimes, you and your partner can hurt the feelings of each other. There are times when you have to tell your partner the fact, they do not want to hear. Rather than having a fake and pretentious relationship, it is vital, to be honest. If your partner provides you his/her honest opinion, it is fine to be hurt, but it is normal for the partner to maintain transparency.
Not Accepting The Flaws
The reality of every relationship is that nobody is perfect. Every individual has flaws and imperfections, the faster you accept, the better it is. If your partner accepts you with every flaw of yours, even you should too. Overlooking a few shortcomings can bring you two closer than ever.
Avoiding Conflicts
A majority of people want to avoid arguments, which is normal and fine. You need to understand that everything cannot be resolved by talking. Some conflicts simply happen and cannot be resolved. It is fine to ignore a few conflicts, instead of arguing and hurting each other anymore. As there is a saying, some battles are not worth fighting. All you require to understand is it worth fighting or not?
Taking Some Place
In this busy life, you cannot just focus on your partner. Everyone needs some time off even from a relationship. You cannot always be the escape zone for your better half. Sometimes, spending time apart is good, which will only make your relationship stronger in the future. If you or your partner wants to spend some time away, then it is fine. From old hobbies on a trip with your friends, spending some time away from your partner can help to bring back the spark.
Feeling Attracted To Someone Else
As much as you would like to believe that you can have attraction only for your significant one, human chemistry says otherwise. It is okay to find other people attractive, as it is biologically unavoidable. Once you get past the honeymoon phase, it is fine to feel attracted to each other. Liking someone is unavoidable and to act on it is your choice and conscience always.
Marriage is a crucial stage in every individual’s life, it can be an exciting and enjoyable moment when you tie the knot with the right person. Else, it can be emotionally draining and physically stirring. Contrary to the fairy tale idea of weddings you grow up fantasizing, marriages in real life can be tricky and challenging.
Once you are through the honeymoon phase, only then you may face some uneasy situations that may force you to contemplate whether you have married the right person or not. Although there is no easy analysis assuring a compatible life partner.
Though sharing the same love for a hobby or a passion for traveling can enhance your relationship, what really matters in a marriage is having some shared values. It means both must have similar socio-cultural, political beliefs, same value system to name a few. The fact that you need the same thing from life is a symptom that you believe in the same core values and are meant to be with each other. As you grow and evolve, your interests keep changing but the values that you hold do not change much if strongly held. Irrespective of your interests, shared values have a nice chance for a successful marriage. You do not have to agree on everything but if your values are out of line, you could need to reconsider the prospect of marriage.
Have Strong Trust
Trust lays the foundation of every relationship. When you trust your significant other, you have that freedom to be yourself, to share your thoughts and heart with your partner because you know what you share will always be valued and treasured. You can be honest about things without the requirement to hide them and that is a good sign. Without trust, you will feel fear and insecurities, hampering the potential of the relationship. It is, therefore, quintessential to know that the person you are going to marry is trustworthy prior you share your deepest feelings and experiences.
Healthy Level Of Independence
While you enjoy spending time with each other, your would-be spouse should have no issue with you spending time with other people or doing the things you enjoy. In a healthy relationship, both partners understand and respect that their partner needs time besides doing what they want to do. If someone is continuously relying on you for all their needs and demands then understand there is some problem down the line. Co-dependence on each other to an extent that you lose your autonomy is a bad sign. A self-assured person is confident and can take care of his/her own emotional needs.
Your wedding anniversary is quite special, an important occasion to celebrate with your partner. Though Valentine’s Day provides lovely alone time together, fun dates, and wonderful gifts, your anniversary is a moment that you and your partner get to spend celebrate each other and the bond you share without any guidelines and expectations. Your anniversary is supposed to be celebrated your way, by spending time together and doing things that are special and unique to both of you.
To add a twist, start something new to your anniversary celebration, you can begin a new ritual that you two would do each anniversary. For instance, you can make an anniversary journal in which each of you writes an entry every year, showcasing your celebration activities and new memories. You can also simple things as a bike ride downtown or having a bottle of wine that you can save to enjoy on your next anniversary. Another great way is to write love letters to each other that you will open and read on your next anniversary, throwing in any hopes or wishes you have for this next year together. Adding something new to your anniversary plan will allow you to have some structure to the day and look forward to next year’s celebration.
Opt For Romance Over Ritz
If you have had a handful of wedding anniversary celebrations with your spouse, chances are you have gone out for dinner or drinks several times over the past years. Make each year’s anniversary more special by planning an outing to a destination that has a special meaning for the two of you.
Perhaps it might be the place that serves your favorite ice cream, where you two had your first date or a restaurant that serves a meal you both have loved to eat. Even if it is as simple as enjoying a walk through the park where you first met, choosing an activity or place with a sentimental value over something fancy will truly make the evening wonderful.
Take A Walk Down Memory Lane
One of the finest ways to spend your anniversary is by sitting down with your spouse to remember and relive the special moments of your wedding day. Irrespective of whether it is your 5th or 15th wedding anniversary, your anniversary is the best time to open up your wedding album and laugh (or maybe for some happy tears) about the memories. Reliving those moments will make you feel strongly connected to each other and appreciative of the journey you both have made together.
Plan A Trip
Though it may not be realistic to pack your bags and book a flight and escape to an exotic destination, though it could be a great way to celebrate your wedding anniversary. But this can be done even with a small trip, even if it’s only for just a day. By getting out of your normal routines and spending some quality time together, you will be able to rekindle some passion while having fun exploring a new place. Escaping your everyday routine of life will allow you to enjoy some relaxation time and focus on each other. Plan a long drive, outdoor activity, or camping trip if you have less time.
Treat Yourself
If you 2 have been having an extra busy schedule for some time, make this moment a special time where you both can select an activity that will give you some much-needed relaxation time, while spending the day together. Book a table at a restaurant, take each other for shopping, or order food while you are indulged in your favorite movie. Whatever your way of treating yourself is, plan this time to unwind together.
Your anniversary is a cherish able time of the year where you can celebrate the relationship you two have worked so hard on and made so many wonderful memories. Along with the meaningful anniversary gifts you will present to one another, plan something special with these creative anniversary date ideas that will let you two to make memories and enjoy the immense amount of love you share for each other.
Every couple fight and have an argument, but not every fight has to be the finish of a relationship.
It’s inevitable that couples will argue and fight in a relationship is completely normal and expected.
Arguments happen in every relationship, even in the best ones, but how you argue is that matters.
In long-lasting, happy, and healthy relationships, both partners can use certain strategies to fight properly so they can disagree or express dissatisfaction or even get actually mad without hurting each other.
If your arguments or fights makes you or your partner feeling emotionally battered, bad about yourself, misunderstood, or resentful, then the way you are fighting could hurt your chances of staying together.
Phrase Your Dissatisfaction As A Complaint Not As A Contempt Or Criticism
When you make a complaint, you describe a certain behavior that you did not like, what you thought it meant, and how it made you feel. Then, you tell what you wish they would do instead.
It is not an assassination of character or an accusation. A complaint paves a way for a conversation about something that disturbed you. It leaves scope for the possibility that your interpretation was wrong and lets the other person clarify what they intended.
Here is an example when complaining: When you looked away from me while I was narrating you a story, I felt like you were not interested, and you thought I was irritating. I wish you had not suddenly look away and done other things while I am talking to you.
The receiver of these words could feel like their attention and opinions are essential.
Now an example of a criticism: You are so irritating when you turn away while I am talking.
Calling your partner irritating is a character assassination because it is not talking about the behavior, it is talking about the person.
Example of contempt: I am tired to death of trying to communicate with you when you keep looking here and there. It is useless. The receiver of this sentence could feel hated, not valued.
Stick To Single, Specific Incident
Never bring in other similar past incidents as evidence of a character flaw or shortcoming. That is not a way of resolving a problem.
Rather, when you are arguing, try to restrict the discussion to just one specific incident. It is more likely to end well because the receiver of the complaint will still feel generally valued and not like he/she has been accused of having a fatal, repeating flaw.
Begin With Hearing And Validating, When Receiving A Complaint
Always begin with at least one compassionate sentence when receiving a complaint. An angry person requires their point to be heard before they can listen.
A successful plan is to show that you understand what the angry person is saying by repeating and validating what they told. You will be surprised how much it actually defuses anger and calms people down.
It does not mean that you agree that their interpretation is right. You still have the right to disagree with your partner’s point of view and present yourself fairly. But, if you want your story to listen as well, then show them you are listening first.
Do Not Criticize Or Demonstrate Contempt
Criticism and contempt are both a form of character assassinations. Criticism is milder, contempt is more hateful. Either of these communicates dislike, disrespect, and is a guaranteed descent into a damaging fight.
If you phrase something as criticism or contempt, it obviously elicits defensiveness or retaliation from your partner. And there is no rerouting that conversation could go in a positive direction.
Do Not Mock Or Impersonate Your Partner Sarcastically
Never ever do this. It absolutely never has a good outcome. And it will make you seem like the bad guy.
Though it may appear like venting off some steam or might seem good to you, it feels extremely disrespectful, ridiculing, and hurtful to your partner.
Mocking or sarcastically impersonating your partner in distress is considered to be the kind of contempt that is a huge predictor of a breakup.
