Developing and maintaining a work-life balance can seem impossible in today’s competitive workplace and fast lifestyle. Technology has made employees accessible around the clock. Fears of job loss increase longer working hours. Physicians and mental help experts agree that the compounding stress from the never-ending workday is damaging. It can hurt relationships, health and overall happiness.

According to Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo, despite these realities, some people are managing to carve out satisfying and meaningful lives outside of their work and maintain a good work-life balance. She suggests that to bring work-life balance, people must understand and try to bring certain habits in their life. These habits are:

Make Deliberate Choices

Instead of just letting life happen, people who achieve work-life balance make deliberate choices about what they want from life and how they want to spend their time. They talk to their partners, spouses, and others who are important in their lives and come up with a road map of what is important to them, how they want to spend their time and commit to following their path.

Time for family, Friends and Important Interests

People who have managed to bring work-life balance in their life, commonly don’t just wait to see what time is left over after work. They make a point of planning and booking time off to spend outside of work and powerfully guard this time. Hence when they are home, they don’t think or get bother about office worries, when they are at the office they guard themselves against having any home worries.

Strong sense of what they expect from their life

People who manage work-life balance have developed a strong sense of who they are, their values, and what is important to them. Using this as a guideline for everything helps them determine what success means to them. They know what makes them happy and strive to get more of that in their lives. In short, they don’t run a blind race that causes professional, mental and emotional complexities.

They devote time to healthy habits

People who manage work-life balance often develop an interest in healthy activities and perform them daily. Activities like yoga, aerobic, meditation, music, sports, or some other interests allow them to get away from the pressures of everyday life to relax, rejuvenate, and regenerate themselves.

One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to be nice to your partner when you’re upset with them. It’s also one of the most important moments to be kind.The act of not choosing kindness is therefore doubly hurtful to our partners and to ourselves because it undercuts our efforts for growth and the potential for greater intimacy.

I see couples in my chamber who want to “solve” their issues first before going out for an ice cream or relaxing over dinner. It will never work. It’s not possible to solve problems with someone you don’t want to collaborate with.

About the author:  Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is the consulting Counsellor at Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics. She has served over thousands plus happy & satisfied individual and couples in India and abroad. She is one of India’s eminent Marriage Counsellor & Relationship Expert, who is frequently been featured by leading newspapers, magazines and TV channels.

Many amongst us often fail to realise that negative emotions are not always ‘linked to’ or ‘outcome of’ our external circumstances rather certain approaches/behaviours when we practice in our lives, results in repeated unpleasant outcomes/results that create sad feelings/disappointments and those feelings again create unpleasant outcomes – producing a vicious circle that destroy happiness in life.

The misery one suffers due to negative emotions does not end in the vicious circle of unpleasant outcomes and feelings. These bad feelings also result in the occurrence of psychological complexities, heart diseases, hypertension and the weakening of the immune system.

Today marital therapist and relationship coach Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 4 crucial tips that can help people to bring and maintain positive emotions.

1.  Live within the territory of ‘NOW’

A lot of people never understand the power and capacity of living and working in “NOW”, but when they do, their life changes dramatically. This happens because our pain and anxiety can only work when they get access to our memories.

For example, a man who is searching for a life partner repeatedly gets rejected by the opposite gender. Finally, when he starts to introspect why girls repeatedly reject him he realises that his rejection in life has left a deep impression on his mind.

Hence every time he starts a conversation with a girl, his mind first develops a strong expectation (future) for success and then at the same mind reminds him of the experiences of humiliation and how sad the earlier dismissals made him. This caused him to talk in a peculiar manner that has a mixed element of anxiety, shyness and/or underconfidence.

Finally the person, after his realisation, meets a girl by freeing himself from the clutches of future expectations and past memories – by living in now. While meeting the girl this time, his mind was not remembering past experiences, he was able to observe and listen actively to what the girl was sharing and what she was expecting to hear from him and that further cemented their friendship.

It’s true that living in present frees the mind from the dominance of past memories and future expectations but that’s not easy to achieve. Persistent and conscious attempts have to be made by the person, initially telling and reminding himself/herself not to think about the past and not to expect and gradually this will turn into a habit.

2. Acceptance

This is another part of being in the now. Most people try to run away from their negative emotions. They eat, watch TV, play mobile games, and chat, check Facebook or YouTube etc. It’s only when the person gets curious and tries to find why he/she is experiencing bad emotion and put an attempt to accept it as a part of you, it tends to disappear.

But how do you accept it when it feels so painful?

That’s the first hurdle you have to overcome because when you do, you will realise that the pain was only half an inch thick. You can either learn to let go of your negative emotions, or you can keep doing what you’ve been doing up until this point.

3. Ask yourself the four Magic questions

The third important technique to get free from negative emotions is to ask self the four magical questions.

• Is the fear, anxiety or pain true?
• Are you absolutely sure that it’s true?
• How do you react when you believe this thought?
• What would be the payoffs of being angry or depressed?

4. Take expert’s help

If you have tried the above suggestions and still find it difficult to get rid of your negative emotions, then you should immediately consult a mental help expert like a psychologist or counsellor who would help you deal with the situation in a better way.

When we get married, most of us experience a “best days of my life” kind of phase. Everything seems so awesome and so romantic, we start believing that nothing can ever go wrong. Then slowly time passes by and without our notice, our life situations start to change and we add– work stress, financial pressure, kids, in-laws interferences, no time to spend with our partner and etc.

Then suddenly we realise that something has gone terribly (intensity differs from couple to couple) wrong in the relationship – we don’t feel that sexual attraction towards each other that we used to feel before, we hardly talk with each other and when we talk, it’s all about issues at home or with kids. Lately, we have started fighting too frequently and gradually we both have increased the bar of insults, violence and hurt we give to each other during a conflict.

This happens to most couples in today’s fast-paced lifestyle and the reason for it could be in general, couples don’t go into a relationship with the know-how or understanding of how to manage their relationship challenges. Hence it’s essential if the couple finds themselves incapable of bringing back their romantic relationship and eradicating the distance between themselves, then they should ideally consult a professional, i.e. a marriage counsellor.

Now the question is: how do you know at what stage you should immediately consult a marriage counsellor before things turn complex, painful and devastating? Today Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counsellor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some of the important trigger points and behaviours in relationships that are signs you may need help.

Early stage indicators

1. When there is too less communication between you too, and whenever you talk, you talk about matters related to home, kids and EMI’s. Even if you try to talk something about your relationship, those conversations generally start by accusing each other, and gradually end up into ugly quarrels.
2. You have started finding it okay to spend days or month without your partner expressing his/her emotional support and love.
3. You are living more like roommates rather than husband and wife.
4. You have started finding it difficult to get sexually attracted to your partner and gradually you both has lost the physical urge to get connected to your partner.

Advance stage indicators to consult a marriage counsellor immediately (when you miss to consult a counsellor at the early stages of marital issues and let your marital life reach the following adverse conditions)

5. Gradually, either you or your partner or you both have trust issues with each other.
6. You or your partner has started feeling attracted to someone outside marriage.
7. You or your partner or you both have started having an extra marital relationship, the only reason you are together is for of kids or you are waiting for your partner to initiate the lawful separation.

How people trip on the slippery slope of relationship?

Every time we think of the word ‘cheating’ we imagine someone engaged physical relationship. But cheating is a wider term and also includes emotional intimacy. “Emotional cheating is a modern term used to describe an infidelity condition where one or both partners maintain emotional and psychologically (non-sexual) intimate romantic relationship outside their marriage and hide it partially or completely from his/her partner,” says Delhi-based Shivani Misri Sadhoo, relationship and marriage counsellor and founder of Saarthi Counselling Services. It applies to unmarried couples too.

There seems to be a rise in this phenomena and of the several reasons attributed to it, counsellors say that lack of emotional fulfillment in a…..

Read here: http://www.dnaindia.com/lifestyle/report-emotionally-not-yours-2489771

How to stop getting taken on a guilt trip?

Guilt trips can be defined as a situation where one of the partners tries to induce the feeling of guilt in the other partner for the purpose of manipulation. Most romantic relationships are susceptible to guilt trips. This is because partners feel a sense of commitment to each other and naturally crave acceptance from one another. As a result of this, if there is an argument, then usually one of the partners is quick to give in to the feeling of guilt to please the other and to avoid upsetting the balance of the relationship.

So, if you find yourself feeling guilty in your relationship for no reason whatsoever, then here’s what Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, relationship expert, suggest you to do to get out of a guilt trip….

Read the article here: HT City Article

According to past sociological & psychological studies & surveys, 67% of couples experience a decline in relationship satisfaction in the first three years of a baby’s life and this deterioration often persists into subsequent years.  In fact, one study showed that couples notice a 40% increase in arguments after having a baby, and two-thirds of these couples admitted that these were often “silly” arguments caused by stress or exhaustion.

Though many couples are over the moon about their new bundle of joy, they also struggle with work-life balance, more loneliness, financial stress, friendship changes, more chores, and minimal free time.

New parents are also sleep-deprived, which, research suggests, greatly diminishes their ability to stay positive, communicate, and manage your emotions. One study revealed that working couples felt their daily workload increased by 4 hours each day after they had a baby.

Today relationship expert and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some important tips that new or would-be parents can follow & practice to avoid the decline of their relationship & closeness after having their baby.

1. Understand, Communicate and except that there will be change in Sex life

Women and men are wired very differently – a new mother can be totally consumed with baby care all day and night. She may simply feel ‘all energy drained out’ after giving so much of her body to the baby and energy to household chores. Conversely, the guy’s way of feeling close is to have sex. As this is where things can break down, communication and understanding play a vital role in increasing the intimacy.

Counsellor Shivani suggests all husbands that during their early fatherhood phase, instead of ending up staying away from the wife and feel rejected in their heart, they should put efforts to do baby care & household chores and try to get their wife as much as possible the free time to take rest. This will definitely go to win their wife’s attention and heart and gradually will make them come closer their husband.

2.  Mothers should find some time for themselves

Remember if you feel worn out after a long day, you can’t expect to feel excited about your relationship: you need to keep loving yourself in little ways so that you have good energy and loving feelings towards your partner.

“It’s important to find ‘me’ time as well as “we” time,” says Counsellor Shivani. It can be good to stick a reminder  fir the things you need to do for self-care – from painting your toenails to watching a movie on Youtube while you feed the child or call a friend or check emails while baby has a kick on the floor,

3.  Plan The Time You Can Spend with your partner.

Good relationship maintenance requires couples to spend quality time with each other and after the baby comes, free time looks like a distant dream. Hence couples must recognize the requirement to spend quality time and they should plan accordingly. Like every weekend you may keep you child with his/her grandparents and go to watch a movie or have a dinner in the restaurant.

4.  Both the partners should try to join parenting classes

In today’s nuclear family parents put too much attention on their single or two children and as result, today’s parents commonly argue over whose way is right, because both partners are adjusting to their new roles and responsibilities.

Many young fathers feel left out, especially if the mother acts as the baby’s primary caregiver. New moms often feel as if their husbands are ill-informed or less experienced and that sparks the frequent arguments.

Hence before the baby is born, both the partners should conjointly visit the doctor and most importantly both should try to attain parental classes that generally been organized by all major hospitality chains or by individual counselors.  This way they will adopt coordinated parenting style early in their life instead of wasting their precious time arguing, criticizing each other parenting style and distancing themselves from each other.

About the author: Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is the consulting psychologist with Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics.

Counsellor Shivani has served over thousands plus happy & satisfied individuals and couples in India and abroad.She is one of India’s eminent Marriage Counsellor & Relationship Expert, who is frequently been featured by leading newspapers, magazines and TV channels.