Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

For several couples, being stuck inside together in their little spaces for a certain week seems like a dream come true. But for other couples, this might be their worst nightmare. From what has been heard, that some couples quarantined together are already losing their minds and you have got a long way to go.

As you are all being told to follow and practice social distancing, and even in certain cases, being instructed not to leave the house completely unless for critical purposes, couples are being quarantined together for an indefinite period of time. If you are feeling stressed out about the effects of coronavirus on your relationship, understand that you are not alone, and your anxious reaction to being quarantined with your partner is just normal.

Today, Delhi based Psychologist, Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few tips to keep your relationship away from destroying during quarantine and lockdown.

How To Maintain Your Relationship?

Any kind of sudden change takes plenty of time to adjust to, and when you are all navigating something unprecedented such as the Covid-19, further beings asked to work from home and being around your significant other round the clock, this is plenty of changes at once. There’s also, plenty of uncertainty right now, and your stress levels are high. So, being suddenly enclosed in an apartment or home with your partner round the clock, when you are not used to it, with everything else, is a lot for your mind has to cope with.”

In order to assist, you cope with all of these modifications, here are some of the tips that could be helpful.

Make Some Time For Alone Time

Alone time every day is essential. Everybody needs time for themselves and it cannot only be when you use the bathroom. Take time to be alone whether this is to simply breathe, text with a friend, sleeping, read and whatever that you are interested in. The crucial thing is to take time to be with you, yourself, and only you.”

Try to arrange timing with your partner, that way, when you are having your alone time, your partner can have theirs, as well. You both require time apart from each other to reboot and make sure that you do not rip each other’s eyes out.

Make A Schedule

Several amongst you are struggling to keep a normal schedule presently, which is a sad thing because most of you rely on schedules for a sense of stability and even to counter things such as anxiety and depression.

Couples need to sit down together and come up with a tentative schedule to add some structure and make things seem a little normal. This is specifically helpful for couples navigating working from home together that too for the first time, or being around each other more than normal. You can also use this period to set some normal ground rules about noise or interruptions while working.

Keep In Touch With Outside World

Sadly, during this period, this is not possible (actually, possible but quite ill-advised PLEASE do not do it unless it is a sort of an emergency. The total objective of social distancing is to avoid the spreading of germs, and that only is possible when you all stay home. But, thanks to modern technology, there are several ways to communicate with others. Do not neglect relationships with friends and loved ones who are not your partner.

Ensure that you have 1 to 2 phone calls every day with other people that are helpful to your mental health and overall sanity and connection. Plan video chats or phone calls with at least a friend or family member daily. It is paramount to maintain your other relationships, even while you are mainly with your partner.

Learn How To Communicate Better

Communication is a base in every relationship, but when you are quarantined together all round the clock, communication is even more essential. Part of this is learning to fight well-meaning being compassionate, and not engaging in ridiculing, name-calling, or shaming. You are all going to lose it for what sounds like no reason, you are going to be rude or not the best version of yourself and that is fine, you need to give yourself and your partner a grace.

Use This Time To Your Advantage

If you are amongst those couples who live together but rarely ever sees each other due to conflicting work schedules or social lives, this is the time to reconnect. Although it does not feel good to be trapped at home, you can still utilize the most of it and do fun activities with your partner.

Here are some of the things that you can do.

·         Spend extra time, learn and explore new things about each other.

·         Play games together.

·         Clean, redecorate and make your home look good.

Coronavirus has pushed the world into uncertainty and the continuous news about the pandemic can seem relentless. All of this is taking its toll on the majority of people’s mental health, especially those already living with conditions such as anxiety and OCD. The question arises how can you protect your mental health?

Being concerned or worried about the news is acceptable, but for several people, it can make existing mental health problems even worse.

Today, Delhi based Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells how you can protect your mental health and be prepared during this pandemic.

The fear of getting out of control and unable to bear the uncertainty are common characteristics of several anxiety disorders. So, it is understandable that various people with pre-existing anxiety are having challenges at the moment.

Plenty of anxiety is rooted in worrying regarding the unknown and waiting for something to happen, coronavirus is that phenomena

So the question remains how can one protects his/her mental health? Take a look at some of the most important things that one needs to follow not just if one has anxiety or OCD related problems but for general people as well.

Restrict The News And Be Cautious What You Read

Reading and listening to plenty of news about coronavirus has the potential to led to panic attacks for some.

When one is feeling anxious his/her thoughts could spiral out of control and one starts thinking about disastrous outcomes. One usually, is worried about his parents, family, and people he knows.

Normally when one suffers one can get away from a situation. But this situation seems beyond control.

Having considerable time spending away from the news, websites and social media can help one to manage their anxiety.

• Restrict the duration of time you spend reading or watching things that are not making you feel better. If possible, decide on a particular time to check in with the news
• There are plenty of wrong information moving around stay well informed by sticking to trusted and authenticate sources of information like government websites.

Take Break From Social Media And Mute Notifications

Some people have health anxiety and feel necessary to stay informed and find out the subject. But at the same time, they know that social media can be a trigger.

One randomly clicks on a link or hashtag and sees all kind of unverified content and it could make some really anxious and indecisive.

Now one needs to be extremely careful about which profiles or links he/she checks and avoid clicking on coronavirus related materials. Trying listening to songs or reading books instead of using social media.

• Mute or unfollow news, contents that could be triggering on any social media platform you are using.
• Mute or exit WhatsApp groups if you find them too bothersome.

Stay Connected With People

The number of people in self-isolation may increase so it could be a good time to ensure you have the right contact numbers and email addresses of the people, you care about the most.

If you are in lockdown the feel connected to the people around you.

• If you are self-isolating, have a balance between maintaining a routine and making sure every day has some variety.
• It may end up actually seeming like quite a productive number of days or weeks. You can work regarding your important tasks or read a book that you were not able to do it until now.

Clean And Wash Your Hand But Not Exorbitantly

OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) people might be seen in the increase in assistance requests from people whose fears have become centered on the coronavirus pandemic.

For individuals having OCD and some form of anxiety, being consistently told to wash your hands can be particularly difficult to hear.

People living with the fear of contamination is one aspect of having OCD. The constant advice or reminders about handwashing can be a big trigger for people who have recovered.

It is quite difficult because one has to do some of the behaviors that he/she has been avoiding.

The matter is to look out for is the function, for instance, is the washing being carried out for the suggested amount of time to decrease the risk of spreading the virus or it is simply being done ritualistically in a particular order to feel simply well?

• People with OCD, getting normal means being able to leave the premises, so self-isolating can pose another challenge.
• If one is forced to stay at home, one has lots of time on their hands, monotony and boredom can make OCD worse.

Prevent Burnout

It might be possible that there will be several weeks and months of the coronavirus pandemic ahead, it is vital to have downtime. Be mindful, continue to access nature and sunlight whenever possible. Do physical activities, eat healthily and stay hydrated. Practice the following things.

Accept: Observe and acknowledge the uncertainty when it comes to mind.

Halt: Do not react as you usually do. Do not react at all. Halt and breathe.

Withdraw: Tell yourself this is simply the worry talking, and this obvious need for certainty is not supporting and not necessary. It is just a thought or feeling. Do not believe everything you think. Thoughts are never a statement or realities.

Let Free: Let free your thought or feeling. It will pass. You do not have to respond to them. You could imagine them floating away in the form of a cloud or bubble.

Search: Observe or search the present moment, because presently, at this moment, all is fine. Check your breathing and the sensations of it. Look the ground beneath you. Look around and observe what you see, hear, touch, and smell currently. Then shift your center of attention to something else on what you require to do, on what you were doing previously prior you noticed the worry, or do something different mindfully with your total concentration.

Some people have one or more phobias, with women slightly more prone to develop one than men. One of the most common phobias across the globe is arachnophobia, an attenuate fear of spiders as per psychology. In this article, Delhi based Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about the fear of Arachnophobia and how to come out of it?

Definition Of Arachnophobia

Arachnophobia derives from the Greek word for spider, that is Arachne and Phobos the Greek word used for fear. This extreme fear of spiders and other 8-legged arachnids such as the (scorpions) could actually be an evolutionary response: spiders, especially the poisonous ones have long been associated with illness and infections.

You might know several species of spiders are poisonous and bite, and you know this from pure experience, science, biology, television, movies and seeing other people get bitten. Thus, when one sees a spider nearby a natural response is to feel feared and avoid the spider.

In several people, the fear of spiders evoke a disgust response, People with high-grade arachnophobia have such a high aversion to spiders that they might be afraid to go into their basement or garage since a spider may be present. If they face a spider, they might actually leave the house rather than to deal with it.

When it creates such anxiety that it prevents one from taking part in activities that one wants or need to do, or manifests itself in a manner that it can be physically and mentally disturbing you know your fear of spiders has become irrational.

Causes

Just like other phobias, arachnophobia can develop in a person because he sees the reaction to spiders of others with the phobia. For them, it is a learned response it makes an impact when they see a family member scream in terror and run out of the room at the very sight of a cobweb. It is theorized that a fear of spiders is impacted by one’s cultural background. In specific parts of Africa, large spiders are feared, but in South Africa, spiders are eaten, people could be unafraid of them. If you have had a frightening experience involving a spider, such as a spider bite, chances are that one will be more likely to develop arachnophobia.

Symptoms

Symptoms related to arachnophobia may occur initially in childhood or adolescence. It can also happen to an adult. These are the following symptoms:

·         Dizziness

·         Trembling and sweatiness

·         Feelings of losing control

·         Rapid heartbeats

·         Hot and cold flashes

·         Chest pain

·         Feeling of choking

·         Nausea and other gastrointestinal distress

Treatments

Mostly, a combination of counseling and medication can be used to treat arachnophobia. Relaxation methods such as meditation also can be quite helpful in the treatment of arachnophobia.

As in other phobias, arachnophobia can also be treated with exposure therapy and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). In cognitive-behavioral therapy, the therapist attempts to replace the negative automatic thoughts linked with spiders with more rational thoughts. A therapist might use systemic desensitization to treat arachnophobia. This is the method of learning relaxation techniques and then countering your fears from what one fears the least to what one fears the most.

With the assistance of cognitive reframing, an individual can learn to modify the way he looks at spiders so that he no longer perceives them as a threat. Eventually, an individual can change his physical reaction to seeing a spider.

Sometimes, medications such as an antidepressant or an anti-anxiety may be prescribed along with psychotherapy.

How To Come Out Of Fear

Read about spiders. You will learn that they scarcely bite people unless they feel threatened. Sometimes, a spider bite can create an allergic reaction. However, bites from certain spiders like the poisonous black widow and the brown recluse spider can be dangerous, still, most spider bites are harmless.

Bearing in mind the spiders normally and that includes the much-dreaded black widow and brown recluse-bite only in self-defense when they get trapped between your skin and another object. Also, you must be aware that while there are more than 63,000 species of spiders in the world, only 2% of them are dangerous.

Steer away from spiders, store firewood outside to avert bringing spiders inside the house. Install tight-fitting screens on your doors and windows, and cover off any cracks where spiders might enter. Ensure there are no rocks or lumber right outside your house since spiders like hanging out in those areas.  Make certain your attic and garage are free of cobwebs.

Discuss your fear of spiders with your loved ones and tell them you are getting treated for your condition.  You can ask your physician to recommend a professional therapist who can help you overcome your arachnophobia.

In a properly functioning body, sleep helps the brain to process your emotions and memories at the optimum level. When you wake up well-rested your brain maintains a healthy mental and physical energy all throughout your day.

On the other hand, sleep deprivation restricts brain’s ability to do just the superficial activities like sticking to a daily routine work. All throughout the day, the person may find challenges to gather enough mental energy to think and innovate and at night the brain would get so much exhausted that simple relationship activity like conversations with partner, romantic feelings and sexual drive may turn Zero.

Across the world, scientific research is gradually suggesting that sleep may be the biggest factor in maintaining a good relationship. Quality of sleep of either one or both the partners may affect everything from attraction to break-ups. Today India’s leading relationship and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares how poor sleep can be affecting your relationship.

1.       Poor sleep habits generally turn a person unattractive 

After all nobody like the company of a mentally exhausted person, even the emotionally tired person himself/herself looks for solace. In a relationship too, mental exhaustion that is generally triggered by poor sleeping habits, reduces attraction between partners.

2.       Poor sleep can fuel conflicts. 

Research suggests that sleep deprivation is one of the primary causes of couple conflicts. Poor sleep leads to poor or irritated mood that causes frequent couple conflict, less understanding of partners’ emotions, and poorer conflict resolution.

3.    Sleep issues may increase marital aggression.

People with poor sleep habits often find it hard to control their impulses. This is one of the most discreet triggers for degradation of relationship quality. Scientific studies have confirmed the links between sleep trouble, self-control, and aggressive behaviors. Hence problematic sleep translates to lower self-control, couples suffer from more aggression in their marriages.

4.       Healthy sleep encourages a healthy sex life. 

Behavioral studies have identified that men and women are less likely to be in the mood for sex if they’re sleep deprived. Good and adequate sleep translated to more sexual desire and more likelihood of engaging in sex with a partner. 

In general, couples who are fleeting through distressed relationship doubt if couple counselling would never work for them or not or would it be a wastage of time and money – and that stops them from seeking professional help from an expert who can save their relationship and marriage.

The problem arises because there are myths about the low success rate of couples therapy. People with no experience of good counselling or who don’t know about the subject, give the worst advice to distressed people. “Couple Counselling is a waste of money”, “rather wear gems or consult an astrologer, do yoga, meet new people” but don’t trust a trained and certified expert who is trained and experienced especially to help distressed couples and to save their relationship and marriage.

Delhi’s eminent Psychologist and Couple Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tell us that the success rate of couple therapy is extremely high. She says there has been much research done to check the success rate of couple counselling and the results are always extraordinary, for example recently a research was done by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, families and couples who have attended family or couples therapy sessions indicate high levels of patient satisfaction. Over 98% of those surveyed reported that they received good or excellent couples therapy. Respondents also reported improved physical and emotional health and the ability to communicate better at work after attending therapy.

So how couple counselling work? Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says good couple counselling works on certain basic principles and that pulls out couples from their distressed state to a positive and healthy relationship condition. These principals are:

1. Good couple counselling changes the views of the relationship.

First, the couple therapist helps both partners see the relationship in an objective manner.  The therapist helps the couples to learn to stop the “blame game” and instead look at what happens to them when they involve each partner negatively.

2. Modifies dysfunctional behaviour.

Effective couple therapist attempts to change the way the partners actually behave with each other. This means that in addition to helping them improve their interactions, therapists ensures that their clients are not engaging in actions that can cause physical, psychological or economic harm to self or to their partner.

3. Decreases Emotional Avoidance

Couples who avoid expressing their innermost feelings put themselves at a greater risk of becoming emotionally distant and hence grow apart. Effective couples therapist helps their clients bring out the emotions and thoughts that they fear expressing to the other person. Attachment-based couples therapy allows the partners to feel less afraid of expressing their needs for closeness.

4. Improves Communication

An effective couple counsellor focuses on helping the partners to communicate more effectively. The new communication mode which the counsellor redevelops within couples is not abusive, nor does it ridicule partners when they express their true feelings. The counsellor helps the couples learn to listen more actively and empathically.

5. Promotes strengths

Effective couple therapists point out the strengths in the relationship and build resilience particularly as therapy nears a termination.  The point of promoting strength is to help the couple to gain back their trust, their love, their bliss and satisfaction which was put on the back burner by both the partners.