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Ways to Bolster Your Marriage and Avoid Divorce

Ways to Bolster Your Marriage and Avoid Divorce?

Shares India’s Leading Couples Therapist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

If marriages are truly made in heaven, then why are divorce rates increasing globally? Is it because of the pandemic or should we blame the 7-year itch? Whatever the reason, divorce is not a solution because problems do not disappear after a divorce. Nowadays, people have become accustomed to everything being disposable. We keep changing our gadgets, our jobs, and even our life partners. Many couples feel divorce is the only way of getting out of the routine. However, that is not true because even if you feel that your marriage is on the edge of collapsing, it is within the realm of repair.

So, if you’re wondering exactly what you should be doing to bolster your marriage and avoid divorce, scroll down to read a few ways suggested by Delhi’s top marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Expectations must be realistic: We feel upset when our expectations remain unfulfilled. Usually, marriages fail when partners cannot fulfil one another’s needs, leading to disappointments and disagreements, and in most cases, divorce. Learn to burn your resentments. Instead, sit and discuss which of the expectations are realistic enough to be fulfilled and what kind of adjustments can make things better.

Communicate daily: Proper communication will foster emotional intimacy that will strengthen the relationship further.

No secrets: Transparency is the best policy when it comes to any relationship. Let your better half know all about you—your ambitions and aspirations, your deep concerns, and your deep fears without invading your privacy. Being transparent builds trust and fosters intimacy and a sense of security in a relationship.

Laugh with each other: Love can keep a couple together, but shared laughter strengthens the bond between the two. Laughing and giggling with your partner helps to overcome stress and conflicts in a relationship thereby making it stronger. Laughter is indeed the best medicine.

Money matters: While it is true that money isn’t everything, yet one of the main reasons for divorce today, is related to finance. Couples must share their financial expectations to strengthen their marriage. Whether it is sharing your debt and credit status or combining of finances, you must be aware of each other’s financial goals.

Show kindness and respect: Mutual respect is one of the cornerstones of all successful marriages. Be kind and considerate towards each other. Marriage is all about the little things. Small gestures of love and appreciation add a whole new dimension to your relationship. Consider picking up her favorite coffee table book or flowers from the store. Use the golden words—pleasesorry, and thank you frequently.

Bottom line

Marriage is all about sharing and caring. A marriage is built day by day and brick by brick, just as Rome was not built in a day. A lot of work goes into living “happily ever after”. So, keep investing in your relationship and make the right changes that will bring sunshine to your life.

marriage counselor shivani sadhoo shares relationship myth

Myths About Relationships, that You Should Stop Following Immediately

Suggests Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the plethora of “quick fix” relationship advice offered by various books, magazines, blogs, and daytime TV talk shows? Though there is no doubt it is presented with good intent, much of this advice is terribly contradictory. Such as a quick-fix weight loss program, it abandons any effort to support hypotheses with research, basing guidance rather on personal opinion and anecdotal evidence.

Probably, the most prominent quick-fix advice is that communication – and more categorically, learning to resolve your conflicts – is the key to romance and an enduring, happy relationship. This notion is a myth, and it is hardly the only misconception out there. Myths are destructive to your relationship because they can lead couples down the wrong way, or worse, convince them that their relationship is a hopeless scenario, says Shivani Sadhoo.

Through this blog, leading marriage counsellor and couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about the most common myths about relationships.

Communicating and employing active listening skills in trying to reach conflict resolution will save your relationship

While active listening is surely a useful skill, it alone cannot save your relationship. As Dr. Gottman points out, “even happily married couples can have screaming matches – loud arguments don’t necessarily doom a marriage.” We all have our disagreements, in a range of different ways. So go ahead, break all those active listening rules! Bear in mind your affection and respect for each other, and remember that using a softened startup when bringing up a problem can override natural variations in conflict style.

Neuroses or personality issues ruin a marriage

Everyone has issues they are not totally rational about, but they do not necessarily interfere with our relationships. The secret to a happy relationship is not having a “normal” personality but finding someone with whom you mesh. For instance, a person has a problem dealing with authority – he hates having a boss. If he were in a relationship having an authoritarian partner who tended to give commands and looked to tell him what to do, the outcome would be disastrous. The point is that neuroses do not have to ruin a relationship. What matters is the way you deal with them. If you can accommodate each other’s strange aspects with care, affection, and respect, your relationship can thrive.

Common interests bind you together

It depends on the way you can interact while pursuing those interests. Imagine that you and your partner are walking hand in hand inside your favorite used book store, smelling that old book smell, coffee in hand, headed for the “Literature” section. Romance is in the air. But wait! Just around the corner in “Politics,” a couple seems to be having an argument! Books are flying and tempers are flaring. “You stupid! He will never get sufficient electoral votes!” Clearly, enjoying the same activities could create an incredibly strong bonding between you and your partner, but these activities could also be a source of tension, depending on the way you interact while pursuing your common interests.

You scratch my back and…

It looks to make sense that deals must be made in order to maintain a sense of fairness and balance and that in romance a kiss must meet a kiss and a smile meet a smile. In reality, deal-making and contracts, quid pro quo, mostly are done in unhappy marriages. Do not keep score. Build bonding and strengthen your relationship by freely providing each other with positive overtures and support.

Dodging conflict will ruin your marriage

Everyone has separate methods of dealing with disagreements. A continuous barrage of honest criticism, for instance, might not be the best policy. An example here is when you head to the living room to watch the game, rather than getting in a tiff with you about the noise and constant TV watching, your wife goes for a run and comes back feeling better. When you are upset with your wife, you go into the backyard to play catch with your kids. Each of you finds a way to self-soothe, and both of you go on as if nothing happened. Finding a middle path that you both can agree on can let you talk things out when you truly need to while averting clashes over every trivial matter.

Affairs are the primary cause of divorce

In several cases, it is the other way around. According to a project it was found that around 80% of divorced men and women cited growing apart and loss of a sense of closeness to their partner as reasons for divorce, as opposed to just 20-27% blaming their separation on an extramarital affair. The reality is that most affairs are not started in an attempt to quench an unfulfilled desire for physical intimacy, but rather in an attempt to find friendship, support, attention, caring, concern, and respect beyond a relationship that feels lacking in these qualities.

Men are not biologically, “created” for marriage

Specific, theorists call upon natural evolutionary differences between males and females to argue that men have always been predisposed to have as many offspring as they can and follow successful reproduction with one female with a fast sprint to the next available, while women are inclined to nurture their young and look to keep the father close for protection. The conclusion they had is that men are just biologically more likely to have affairs. This is, in modern times, not a particularly worthy or accurate observation. It has been found out that affairs have to do with the availability of potential partners. According to one theorist, since women have entered the workplace in huge numbers, the number of extramarital affairs of young women now slightly exceeds that of men.

Men and women hail from different planets

You have all heard that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. This specific notion you may dispose of easily. Here is math for you. Dr. Gottman says that “the deciding factor in whether wives feel satisfied with the physical intimacy, romance, and passion in their marriage is, by around 70%, the quality of the couple’s friendship… and for men, the deciding factor is, by 70%, the quality of the couple’s friendship, so men and women come from the same planet after all.”

Indian marriage counselor blog ShivaniSadhoo

Intimacy in a Relationship, what it is All About?

Reveals Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo what defines intimacy between couples

According to The Oxford English Dictionary intimacy has been defined as the “inmost thoughts or feelings; proceeding from, concerning, or impacting one’s inmost self: closely personal.”

While couples therapist Shivani Sadhoo says, from a psychological or relationship’s view intimacy generally, denotes mutual vulnerability, openness, and sharing. It is mostly present in close, loving relationships like in marriages and friendships. The word is also at times used to refer to sexual interactions, but intimacy does not have to be restricted to be sexual only.

Though intimacy could undoubtedly exist beyond romantic relationships, it most usually pertains to dating and marriage. The word intimacy has been derived from Latin word “intimus,” which means ‘inner’ or ‘innermost. In the majority of romance languages, the word intimate refers to an individual’s innermost qualities.

Intimacy lets people bond with each other on multiple levels. Therefore, it is a mandatory component of healthy relationships.

couples counseling shivani misri sadhoo

Through this blog, India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo covers the different forms of intimacy and how you can make more of it in your relationship.

Types of intimacy that exists in a relationship

Upon hearing the word, most of you perhaps instantly jumped to thinking about physical intimacy, but other forms of intimacy are simply as important, particularly when it comes to romantic relationships. Let’s have a look at some different kinds of intimacy.

Physical intimacy

While holding a hand or hugging are both examples of physical intimacy, this form is most commonly used in reference to sex. And while sex is integral in relationships, you can also showcase physical intimacy through kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and skin-to-skin contact.

While these minor physical displays of affection might seem mundane, they can actually help you and your partner cultivate a feeling of bonding and closeness.

With reference to sex, a part of intimacy is also about feeling safe enough with your partner to share your likes and dislikes. Make certain that you are asking for the same piece of information from your partner. In this manner, you can facilitate a safe haven where both of you will feel comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts, needs, and desires.

Emotional

Emotional intimacy can also be one of the most vital aspects of a relationship. One specific journal defined emotional intimacy as involving “a perception of closeness to another that lets sharing of personal feelings, accompanied through expectations of understanding, affirmation, and demonstrations of caring.

To harvest emotional intimacy, take the proper time to listen to and share with your partner every day. Also, make notes of special moments or things that remind you of your special one so that you can let them know you are also thinking about them.

Studies have suggested that self-disclosure helps build feelings of intimacy inside marriages, which will make your bond even stronger. A big part of it is sharing your thoughts and feelings with transparency, honesty, and listening to your loved ones when they do the same.

marriage counseling blog by shivani sadhoo

Experiential

While couples do not have to be joined at the hip, shared experiences are essential in healthy relationships. They are also mostly the way that relationships start, so experiences could even add an aspect of nostalgia for long-term partners.

If you are looking to deepen your experiential intimacy, this is an excellent moment to book a trip or try out a fun new date spot or activity in your city. Try to learn something new with regard to your partner.

Intellectual

See, you do not have to watch a specific TV show together every single night, but it could be fun to have intellectual conversations with your significant other, mainly if you work in different fields. Find new topics to discuss; simple website searches pull up tons of conversation starters.

If you put good effort into having conversations beyond the everyday monotony, it will keep things fresh within your relationship.

Spiritual

While this could be referring to religious ideas and beliefs, it also means something way more profound, such as sharing actual beliefs and values. Your values and beliefs could align with religion or even general health and wellness. Regardless, it is necessary to share these vital aspects of your life with your partner.

This could also be an opportunity for you and your partner to talk about what role you exactly want spirituality to play in your lives if you have a family.

Methods to form intimacy

Not an issue of how long you two have been together, it is always important to develop your intimacy levels. Here are certain simple, practical methods to enhance and expand your levels of intimacy in your relationship:

  • If you are not in the mood or are extremely exhausted from having sex or even talking, cuddle on the couch.
  • Plan for a trip to a place neither of you has earlier been to. It is fun to experience new things for the first time.
  • Keep aside the gadgets even if it is only during a meal or while you and your partner watch a show together. Rather, make certain to do this if your partner is talking to you about their day or a specific experience.
  • While listening to your partner, make yourself completely emotionally present to them. If you at all cannot manage to do this when they are talking to you, calmly explain your case why and then set aside a specific time in the future to listen to what they have to say.
  • Send each other articles so that both of you can have fun and something new to discuss. This also assists in building intellectual intimacy, and it could provide you a much-required mental break if you have kids, or a caregiver to another loved one in the extended family.

Related Blog Post on Intimacy and Relationship

Easy Ways to be More Likeable

What decides whether you click with a new friend, or have good chemistry with a possible romantic partner? You perhaps think that these procedures of interaction attraction are mysterious, or decided by a person’s unique personal attributes — a quick wit, for instance. However, Shivani Sadhoo says research in social psychology indicates that liking and loving are mostly triggered by simple, mundane factors such as how close your apartment is to the stairs.

These factors could be influential to make you more likable and, more essentially, to help you meet your fundamental need for a true social connection, shares Shivani Misri Sadhoo, India’s eminent psychologist and relationship counselor.

Sheer exposure impact

The more one is exposed to a specific thing, the more you tend to like it. This phenomenon is called the sheer exposure impact, this is why one seems to love familiar music to new tunes, elect political candidates having the most media exposure, and grow fonder of persons the more often we interact with them.

One can leverage the mere exposure impact to boost your likeability and assist you to connect with others. Make an attempt to be seen, repeatedly. Turn your camera on during online meetings. Comment on other people’s social media posts. Visit the gym at the same time every day to improve the odds of bumping into the same people. If you can opt for your office or cubicle, opt for one that is close to the break room where more people will see you.

In other words, make yourself visible. Just do not overdo it. Excessive exposure could backfire – evidenced by the fact that you may get sick of hearing your favorite song when it is overplayed.

Remember names

Remembering somebody’s name is vital since it signals that he/she is important to you. On the other hand, failing to remember somebody’s name – or other important aspects about them – weakens the closeness of the relationship.

One of the factors to connecting with others, then, is to remember names. The problems are that remembering a name could be difficult. One impactful, research-based strategy for remembering names is known as retrieval practice — constantly pulling information out of your brain. Shortly after being introduced to someone, retrieve his/her name from memory. Ask yourself: “What was his/her name?” Or, use their name while in conversation. The more consistently you retrieve a name from memory, the more likely you are to remember it.

Smile

In spite of the maxim to “never judge a book by its cover,” one mostly routinely judges people on the basis of their looks. One tends to assume that attractive-looking people are more competent and socially skilled compared to others. One also finds attractive people more likable.

There is great news for those who believe that beauty advantage is an unfair thing. A bright smile can instantly make someone more attractive. In one study, it asked people to rate the attractiveness of computer-generated faces. The faces differ in attractiveness, and whether they were smiling or showing a neutral expression. The results indicated that faces were seen as more attractive when they were smiling, which is consistent with earlier findings on the topic. What really surprised the researchers was that less attractive but smiling faces were rated quite highly as attractive faces without a smile. It was decided that “smiling can compensate for relative unattractiveness.”

If you wish to be perceived as more attractive, more likable – simply flash a smile.

Ask Questions

Be authentically curious about other people and ask them questions. People who ask more questions while in conversations are regarded as more responsive and are more liked by conversation partners. When you ask questions, specifically follow-up questions (“What was that moment like?”), you display that you are actively listening and interested in what that individual has to convey.

To make a good effect, be more interested in other people than you are in making a good impact.

Find Similarities

Studies show that you like people who share your interests, values, and personality traits. Hence, the old saying “birds of a feather flock together” is more correct than the popular belief that “opposites attract.”

When you try to make new friends, fill the deck in your favor by meeting individuals who share your interests. Then, find other things you have in common.

Make others feel good

On the basis of the reward theory of attraction, you like people who reward you, or whom you associate with good feelings. If you wish to enhance your likeability, make others feel good in your company. Be friendly and warm. Give genuine compliments. If you are going for a movie for a first date, opt for a happy film over a sad one.

Stay positive on social media, too. It has been seen that people who tend to make more negative posts on social media are liked less compared to those who make more positive posts. This does not mean that you cannot express your feelings genuinely when you are feeling anxious or depressed, but you might want to save negative disclosures for personal conversations with trusted friends.

Show your liking for them

Liking is mostly mutual. Rather, one of the most powerful factors of whether you will like someone is whether they like you.

In a small way, let another person know that you like them. You can do so using words (“I had so much fun hanging out today”) or through non-verbal behavior – by smiling when he/she enter the room.

Conclusion

Shivani says one can apply the science of attraction to enhance the odds that someone will like you. By doing it, you are not being manipulative. You are merely making it a lot easier to connect with others in this modern, often disconnected world.

Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxietydepressionsleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Signs You Are Anxious And Do Not Know About It

If one is anxious, one would know it, correct? Well, that would be good, but the truth is several anxious persons are not certain what they feel. Recognizing and naming emotions is a skill to learn, that not everyone is good at doing. There are certain signs you can use to identify if you are struggling with anxiety but avoiding the emotion at the same time, says Shivani Sadhoo.

As you may know, several health issues are also linked to stress-related issues. Some studies have also indicated that issues such as IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and headaches are also the causes of anxiety.

Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog shares certain signs that suggest you are anxious, but perhaps do not know about it.

Signs Anxiety is Troubling You

Anxiety shows up when you do not have the sort of control in life you would like. For instance, anxiety naturally happens when you are driving on a snow-covered road and realize that your car has begun to slide; as the car slides, you do not have the sort of control you would like.

Anyone can experience this emotion that arises due to the loss of control in any number of situations, including work, relationships, or in other aspects. One can also experience anxiety when visualizing or imagining future events where one might not have control, like giving an office presentation a week from now. One can be anxious and still look calm, conduct normally, and accomplish important things. Anxiety is not every time about looking or acting like a nervous person.

Here are certain signs.

It is Hard for You to Name Emotions

If you pass through your day without thinking much about what you feel, have a problem explaining to others what you feel, rarely ask others what they feel, and are not certain what leads to feeling good or bad, you could be struggling with alexithymia.

The Chronic Pain or Other Health Issues Began During a Stress or Transition

If you try to look back at when your shoulder started to hurt, your lower back went out, or your overwhelming fatigue crept in, you may find that your life was in a major transition or stressful period. Perhaps one of your kids started school, or your daughter left home, you lost a job or your parents died, graduated from college, or began a new job. Transitions and stress are significantly hurdled some because of the lack of control in these situations, which leads to anxiety.

You Have No Idea What You Need

When your basic needs for connection with others, competence, and freedom are not met, you are going to experience negative emotions. If you are not aware of your own needs, you might not be aware of what you feel when your needs aren’t met.

You Do Not Share Your Emotional Ups and Downs with Others

A person who openly shares his life with others talks about emotions. A person who connects with others majorly through activities such as work, sports, or discussions regarding politics may not be getting below the surface to discuss what they feel or need.

Coping Strategy of Your’s are Not Healthy

Although you keep telling yourself you are doing well, you are consuming more alcohol, picking up your past smoking habit again, spending more time and money using unhealthy products to manage your sleep problems, watching more television, and reacting angrily at pretty minor irritations or nothing at all.

Having Unexplained Pain Issues

If you have life hurdles and unmet desires but no clearly defined emotions, chronic pain might be what you do feel in the end. The stress you feel during work, the unhappiness you experience at home, and the pressures of life formed emotions, emotions that assist you to know that something is wrong and needs attention. Think of physical pain as an alternative method of your brain getting your attention that something is not right if your emotional warning system is switched off.

Are you also struggling to identify your emotions? Or do not know what to do? Don’t worry psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo will assist you and guide you to come out of this phase and help you overcome your anxiety-related issues.

borderline personality

Borderline Personality Disorder, Is More Common Than One Thinks

BPD or borderline personality disorder is relatively common. Actually, it is estimated that one in 100 people live with this condition. Or, to put it in a different way, 1.4%of the adult population has been diagnosed with BPD — the majority of them women.  And yet, in spite of its prevalence, this illness remains quite stigmatized. Most individuals do not know what borderline personality disorder is. Their only information of the condition comes from the media, and from shows and cinemas such as Fatal Attraction or Tamasha But the actual condition differs quite a bit from the movie portrayals. There are still several misconceptions about BPD.

Shivani Sadhoo says borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental illness that is usually misunderstood by the general population and even certain healthcare professionals. It is also a disorder that has the ability to negatively affect the lives of others. Because of the two issues, there are several misconceptions about BPD. But if you or someone you know has BPD, it is important to understand the facts about the illness in order to start recovery. There is both help and hope.

So this article, by Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about what is a borderline personality disorder? The signs and symptoms, and how it is treated? Here is everything one needs to know about borderline personality disorder.

What is BPD?

A borderline personality disorder is a personality disorder or illness marked by an ongoing pattern of differing moods, self-image, and behaviour.

People having BPD might experience mood swings and/or perceive things in extremes, i.e. everything is excellent or worst. Life is black or white. People having borderline personality disorder struggle with their sense of self-worth. Their self-image is usually distorted and/or unstable, as are their relationships. They might swing from being extremely close to the friends and loved ones in their life to being completely angry and/or distant.

The Signs and Symptoms

While everyone will experience BPD in different ways, but those who live with borderline personality disorder seem to have difficulties with:

  •        Impulsivity
  •        Feeling bad about themselves
  •        Controlling their emotions
  •        Self-harm
  •        Suicidal thoughts
  •        Dissociation
  •        Feeling ’empty’ or numb
  •        Identity confusion
  •        Depression
  •        Paranoia
  •        Maintaining stable relationships

The Causes

The actual reason for borderline personality disorder is not known; however, some research suggests that genetics, environmental, cultural, and social factors might play a role. There is no sole reason why certain people develop a borderline personality disorder. Also, professionals cannot use things such as blood tests or brain scans to help diagnose who are suffering.

That said, you might be more vulnerable to BPD if a close family member, such as a parent or sibling also has BPD.  Experiencing abuse and/or long-term distress in your childhood may also increase your chances of being diagnosed with BPD, as can your brain’s development.

Studies indicate that people having borderline personality disorder might have structural and functional changes in the brain specifically, in the areas that control impulses and emotional regulation. However, is it not certain whether these changes are risk factors for the disorder, or done by the disorder.

Ways it is Diagnosed

There are no medical tests that can confirm or deny the presence of BPD. In fact, BPD is diagnosed based on a sequence of assessments, including a medical examination, a psychological evaluation, and a discussion of your signs and symptoms.

A qualified and professional mental health professional like a psychiatrist, psychologist, experienced in diagnosing and treating mental disorders is able to diagnose borderline personality disorder by completing a thorough screening, interview, including a discussion related symptoms; performing a careful and complete medical bases evaluation, which will help rule out other possible causes of symptoms and by asking about family medical histories, including any history of mental illness.

The manner it is Treated

BPD is historically quite hard to treat, but saying that there is assistance and hope for those having this condition.

Top psychologist

Reasons Why People Struggle with Laziness?

Beware Laziness May Lead to Depression Warns Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Let’s assume you have always been a disciplined person. You were an academic achiever from the early stages of your school days.

However, there are specific areas in your life in which you admit that you are “lazy.” You believe you do not flourish when it comes to doing household chores. So, you hire someone to help in those areas.

Sometimes, though, it still bothers you to think that there is “laziness” in you. In several cultures, “lazy” is a very negative term.

Why is laziness such a frowned-upon trait? Is it even a trait, or is it the symptom of something else, such as anxiety, depression, or mental illness?

In this blog, India’s Top Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo, will help you to examine the myth of laziness and why you need to ask—am I depressed or lazy?

The Key Difference Among Depression and Laziness

Depression and laziness have many things in common, which is why several people are misbranded as lazy.

The reason the word “lazy” mostly goes with depression is that it is a common symptom of depression and mental illness.

Depression and laziness both impact concentration, motivation, energy levels, and the quality of work produced.

The difference is this depression impacts one’s mental health and mood, while lazy people are simply unmotivated by things beyond their control because they lack self-awareness or deep insight into what motivates them.

How Would You Know if you are Depressed or Lazy?

How would you know if you are lazy? Depression feels quite dark, you will notice that it is hard to get out of bed in the morning. Not because you are so relaxed and enjoying your cozy time, but because you are sad, dejected, and feeling lackluster and hopeless.

Laziness is more of a circumstantial experience. Some days you might feel lazy because you are tired from a hectic week. On the other hand, depression can last for several weeks or months irrespective of how much rest you get.

Actual Laziness Could be a Myth

Some people may argue that actual laziness is a moral failure, else a temperament is a myth.

Certainly, everyone has days where he/she is voluntarily and blissfully lazy. When you take a day off, for instance. Being lazy is a way of self-care. The space to watch TV, order your favorite food, and enjoy some moments to breathe without the hectic pace of life as a corporate professional is absolutely necessary.

Reasons Why One Might Struggle with Laziness

From the perspective of a counselor, laziness is actually the reflection that suggests an individual’s mental health and overall wellness needs some sort of examination.

One Perhaps Has Issues Pertaining to Value Linking

Value linking refers to whether one feels that an assignment aligns with your own values.

At work, you are often assigned tasks that appear mindless or useless. If you get tripped up by value linking, you might probably have a difficult time completing an important assignment for your boss—even if it is a top priority and due next hour or day—if you think the task has no value.

Most people have the capability to suspend their thoughts around value linking just to work on projects assigned to them by their superiors. However, some people find it almost impossible to do work that has little or no perceived value.

If you are a value-linking individual, it is important to speak to your boss regarding this. Make certain you ask about why a project or assignment is so important.

Dig in deep until you can truly align to the overarching value of work so you can finally get it done. Otherwise, you will reject getting started and continue to procrastinate, and earn the word “lazy.”

You Could be Struggling Due to Substance Abuse

Laziness and depression might be symptoms of a substance abuse issue. Self-medicating could appear to be laziness (turning up late, missing appointments, ghosting friends), but it is actually an addiction-related problem.

In fact, one growing kind of addiction is due to a certain medication that is used by those having ADHD. Mostly, people abuse certain medicines to combat laziness because it gives energy and intense focus; however,  addiction can eventually lead to a person feeling depressed.

One is Addicted to Social Media

This is not an outright judgment. Several people lost hours mindlessly viewing Instagram. Social media addiction is a documented issue. Understand that your social scrolling is contributing to your mental health in either a good or bad way.

Pay attention to reducing your time spent on social media. In years, one will be so distressed to see the long-term impacts of apps such as Facebook or Instagram on mental health.

One tip that works: One would like to delete social media apps during the weekends and post-hours. It could take extra time to reinstall those, but it helps some to keep from mindlessly hopping back on. They are simply too addictive.

Also, you may consider muting and unfollowing accounts or groups that make you feel depressed or bad about yourself.

One is Lazy, as They Have Too Much to Do

When one works remotely, one is inundated with work from every aspect. His computer, phone. Notifications reminding when your on-line meeting is starting. It is way too much.

It has been seen many people respond to this experience of overwhelm with what seems like laziness. They hide. They drag the covers over their head and use their avoidance and unresponsiveness as a manner of saying, he/she is overwhelmed.

How to Encourage Individuals with Depression and Mental Health Issues

One of the finest methods to totally deflate and degrade someone having depression is to call them lazy. Language has enough power. When you notice someone being lazy at work, pause and consider how to motivate them.

Consider swapping out the word “lazy” from your dictionary completely. As mentioned above, laziness has quite a negative connotation and can bring up damaging feelings.

Encourage your employees, family members, colleagues to schedule routine into their calendars. Sometimes it is called “thinking time” or moments of space.

It may seem like laziness, but it is actually the most replenishing time one can put on their agenda.

Simply Lazy or Depressed – Both are Absolutely Fine

Laziness and depression are both parts of human life. Neither is good or bad.

Let us everyone work to relieve yourselves and each other of the intense judgment of the two human experiences.

Ways to Accept Change in your Relationship

As you see when the winters are about to end and summers are drawing closer that indicates a new season is about to begin. The advent of spring just before the summer brings with itself the leaves changing colors and flowers being bloomed. And all these changes bring a magnificent brilliance.

This change gives you the indication that it is part of life and often they bring with itself positive outcomes.

Similarly, change is definitely something that impacts how a couple relates to each other.

India’s Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog shares tips to help your relationship whether any changes may pop up along the way:

Understand that Changes will Occur

You begin your journey as a couple at one place in your lives and will hopefully continue together for the long. To do so, also, expect several twists and turns along the way, everyday stresses, big challenges, milestone events. In simple words, Life Change is always happening, so expect it will continue to show up in your relationship, as well. Embracing or accepting an open mindset that allows for change and being willing to adjust and adapt makes space for your relationship to evolve with it.

Accept that People Change, and that is Fine

For any given number of reasons, a person shifts, and changes. It is important to support who your partner is rather than hoping them to forever remain as you would like them to be. Appreciate and foster their unique, evolving needs and wishes. Sometimes, their changes are temporary (like in a demanding work situation) on other occasions, the shift could be permanent because of an urge to make a life transition. Irrespective of the cause, having your support will provide strength to the relationship.

Identify when Change Might Spell Trouble

At times when your partner acts strangely, or differently, it may mean something is bothering them. Not all individuals are able to easily express themselves verbally. If you observe over time that your partner is behaving in a manner that is out of the ordinary, show your concern in a caring manner. It is important that care and compassion be expressed so that the other partner feels safe enough to be honest if there is a crisis or a problem.

Let Change Happen for you

Even though one of the best things about being in a relationship is consistency. It has been seen that boredom can kill it. The remedy is to form novelty—change! But do not worry: If the two of you are not huge risk-takers, you do not have to go skydiving to achieve the target. By merely switching up the restaurant you visit or try a new activity together. Add some spice to your daily life.

Alter the Way you Handle Conflict

One of the major reasons couples get into conflicts is because they do the repeated “dance steps” every time, they keep repeating the same pattern of arguments over and over again. One of the finest ways to make a change is to step out from moments of conflict and see what patterns the two of you are repeating. Then re-create the situation to see where a shift in a separate direction could be possible. Being open to changing the patterns lets you have a different (and more loving) result.

Change is difficult for many people. However, when accepted, it can be quite empowering for your overall relationship.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home.

While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Signs That Foretell That a Person Is of Negative Mindset

Lack of confidence, gloom and doom, distrust, and anxiety are toxic doses. You perhaps wonder how one person can survive with all those inside them. Yet, these negative people exist all around us and are at times impossible to avoid.

It is not to say that you will never ever have moments of despair, anxiety, and discouragement. But as a positive person, you never let these thoughts take control of your life. You live the 4 to 1 ratio. You generate four positive thoughts for each negative one, to keep situations from getting out of control.

Below, in this article from Top Delhi-based Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo you will find some signs of negative people, and see what makes them tick. You will discover why several people are unaware of their negativity and how it is hampering their lives, and everyone else’s. These warning signs will also prepare you to be on the alert so that you can avoid falling into the trap of negativity.

They Always Worry

Negative people always survive on worry, a very unhealthy diet. This mindset is programmed towards the need to feel safe and protected and aware to an extreme degree. Practicing mindfulness and living in the present are great ways to defeat worry.

They Live in the Default Position

There is a neurological explanation as to why some individuals end up being so negative. It has to do with the part of their brain called the amygdala, which functions like an alarm and is continuously on the lookout for danger, fear, and unpleasant news. Scientists feel this to be the brain’s default position. In evolutionary terms, it is understandable; it is entirely part of the fear-flight mechanism in which the brain uses most of its neurons to keep up with all the unpleasant news that is stored in the memory.

Positive people form an ability to evaluate and stand up to problems that can counteract this mechanism.

They Try to Tell You What to Do

When people begin to tell you what you must do with your life, what property to buy or whether you must change your job, you can be certain they are in the negative squad. They do not realize it but this is a certain sign that they have not sorted out their own life problems. It is a lot simpler to tell everyone else how to live their lives.

They Love Secrecy

If you meet a negative person at a gathering, you could find the conversation rather tedious. Fearful of revealing too much information related to themselves, they live in fear that doing so might be used against them in some way. They rarely think that what they might share could be used in a positive manner too.

If you find yourself or someone else becoming defensive and closed during a conversation, think about possible reasons why.

They Cannot Restrict Their Exposure to Bad News

Negative persons love coming into your cubicle and saying things such as, “have you heard the terrible news about….”, post which they fill you in on all the gory details. The tragedy is that overexposure to negative news impacts a person more deeply than was previously thought. Some studies have shown that media exposure to violence, death, and tragedy adds to depression and anxiety, as well as to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It colors a negative individual’s outlook on life.

That is why you must restrict the amount of news you watch on television or read in newspapers. Difficult? Probably. But important if you are to remain positive.

They Complain a Lot

Negative people seem to whine a lot, convinced that the entire world is against them. They are generally the victim of lousy weather, a problematic boss, ill-luck, and their upbringing. They rarely step back to look at other reasons – like the lack of energy, creativity, or plain hard work.

The Like to Live in Their Comfort Zone

Leaving the familiar world is anathema to those people who are negative. They cannot face the possibility of extra fear, discomfort, hurdles, challenges, or failure. They are thus never really able to try out new experiences and are destined to dwell in their dull and dreary comfort zone.

They Love to Use the Word “But”

A negative person could say something positive or even compliment you on your great talent. They may be happy to find themselves on the beach or in a shopping mall. The only issue is they finish their remarks with the ‘but’ word, turning the positive manner into a negative. You get remarks such as “It looks like a great restaurant but I wonder why you did not book a table outside” or “It is a lovely beach but there are always too crowded.”

They Mostly Miss Out on the Good Things in Life

A negative individual will hardly recognize joy, passion, satisfaction, and excitement. These are not emotions or sensations that they daily experience.

Definitely, this is hardly surprising when considering these individuals are fixated on their unsatisfying professional life, relationships, and social status.

They are Like Energy Vampires

Apart from being demanding, negative people drain out all your energy, simply like a vampire. They are just incapable of generating any positive energy and will absorb all your attention, time, and energy as they move forward to drag you down the negativity spiral.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Do You Find it Hard to Forgive and Forget Someone? Here Are Some Ways that Will Truly Let you Forgive and Forget

It is a very common phenomenon when someone says they are not able to forgive or forget a specific incident specifically when it involves a relationship. Letting go is often the most difficult thing to accomplish. You may have heard that forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Perhaps because forgiving is not easy, specifically, when some deeds do not appear worthy of forgiveness. However, the difficult work is worth it. It has been seen that positive psychology has found forgiveness can be helpful in dealing with symptoms of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Forgiving can give personal peace and also improve physical health. How? Because forgiveness is not just about making other person feel good about their transgressions. It is also, about lightening the mental weight that their transgressions have left upon you. This lightening impact is not simply metaphorical.

In the year of 2014 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, 160 persons were divided into three groups. One group mentioned an incident in which they had been gravely hurt, but decided to forgive their offender; another group said about a time in which they are yet to forgiven an offender, and a control group mentioned a neutral interaction with a friend. All those participants were then guided through a mock fitness drill in which they had to jump as high as they could five times. The participants who had said about forgiveness jumped significantly higher compared to those in the unforgiving set.

Are you amongst those who find it hard to forgive or forget? This blog by Delhi’s Top Psychologist, Marriage Counselor, and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo says here are some ways that will truly let you forgive and forget.

Bring to Light

Be absolute honest with yourself about your anger and pain, and analyze the complete damage the injustice has caused in your life. If your parent made you feel inadequate while growing up, does your self-esteem still suffers? Do you search for love and validation in an unhealthy manner?

Determine

You need to make the conscious decision to forgive those who harmed you, and give up on any vengeful conduct on your part. If an office colleague once stole an idea of yours, say, and you have been denying him/her credit on other projects ever since this is time to change your method. The negativity and anger you stick to would not do you any good in the long run.

Act

It takes work to understand and empathize with a person who has hurt you. Here you need to ask yourself a certain question: What was life like for this individual while growing up? What psychological wounds he/she might be nursing? What added pressures or stresses was the individual experiencing at that moment he/she offended you? Then thought of a small gift, if you could offer that person. It could be a simple smile, a handshake or a hug, a returned phone call or message, or simply more tolerance the next moment you are with them. Bear in mind, though, that forgiveness and reconciliation are never the same. If you were living or are in an abusive relationship of any sort, your forgiveness might and should come from afar.

Discover

Look for meaning and purpose in what you have been through. How could you help others who may be hurting? If you have been a victim of any physical or mental bias, for instance, you may decide to become more active in some humanitarian issues. In the emotional relief of letting it go, you can even discover the paradox of forgiveness: As you give to others the gifts of mercy, kindness, generosity, and moral love, you yourself get healed.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.