Tag Archive : Saarthi Relationship & Marriage Counseling Services

Are You Dealing with a Gaslighter? These Could be the Warning Signs of Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a way in which an individual or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works way better than you might think. Any individual is prone to gaslighting, and it is a common tactic of dictators, abusers, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done steadily, so the victim never realizes how heavily they have been brainwashed.

Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about the warning signs of gaslighting.

They Tell Outright Lies

You know this is a blatant lie. Yet they are telling you the lie with a straight face. Why are they so blatant? Because they are setting up a precedent. Once they tell you a big lie, you are unsure if anything they say is real. Keeping you unsteady and off-kilter is the goal.

They Instantly Deny They Ever Said Anything

You know he said he would do something you know he told it. But they downright deny it. It makes you doubt questioning your reality, maybe they never said that thing. And the more they do it, the more you question yourself and start accepting theirs.

They Wear You Over a Period of Time

This is one of the subtle things about gaslighting, it is done steadily, over time. A lie here and there a snide comment quite often and then it begins ramping up. Even the smartest, most self-aware person can be sucked into gaslighting it is that powerful. It is the frog in the frying pan analogy. The heat is turned up gradually, so the frog never fails to realize what is happening to it.

Whatever is Near or Dear to You, They Use it as a Tool

They know-how important your kids or friends are to you, and they know how dearer your identity is to you. So those may be one of the initial things they attack. If you have kids, they will tell you that you should not have had those kids. They will tell you will be a worthy person if only you did not have a long list of negative qualities. They attack the base of your being.

Their Words and Actions Differ

When one is dealing with an individual or entity that gaslights, look for what they are doing irrespective of what they are saying. What they are saying means nothing it is plain talk. What they are doing is a concern.

They Tell You, Everyone, You Know is a Liar

By constantly telling you that everyone you know is a liar, it again makes you doubt your reality. You have never known someone with the ability to do this, so they must be telling the truth, correct? No. It is a manipulation tactic. It makes people turn to the gaslighter for the “right” information, which is not the right information at all.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

 
You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

3 ways you can avoid Relationship Problem during the Lockdown

With mounting tension and stress during COVID-19 lockdown, most couples are challenged to maintain peace and a good emotional level during their home isolation. In fact, a lot of couples may be possibly ruining their relationships in quarantine without even realizing it.

To avoid such a scenario and maintain a healthy relationship level during the lockdown, India’s leading relationship expert and couple therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 3 ways for couples to avoid relationship problem during the lockdown.

Avoid being overly critical

Being stuck inside home added with mental stress and anxieties may easily tempt people to become hyper-focused on every small thing that is happening around them. This may trigger the person to become over critical of their partners. Resultant, you may frequently express advice or criticize them because you are not liking the way your partner is coping with the pandemic, or perhaps [you] are critical of the fact that they aren’t making an effort to exercise, etc.

Remember, your partner too is passing his/her own inner battle, he/she is facing the anxiety and stress from additional home chores, financial challenges, difficulty to do work from home, etc. Hence next time you feel to give advice to your partner or feel angry about him or her, hold for a moment and remind yourself that your partner too is going through their own inner stress and at least try not to add to it.

Give your partner his/her professional space

Lockdown has made working couples to share their working space at home. When couples start to share a workspace, there is a strong possibility that after some time, little friendly tips to partners may soon turn interferences into each other’s professional space. Hence give your partner enough professional space and hold your temptations to share suggestions involuntarily.

Don’t forget to check with your partner

During a pandemic, it’s easy to get caught up in our own stress and mental pressure, but that doesn’t mean you forget to check with your partner as it can hurt them and also send them a wrong message. Asking your partner how they are doing is an easy way to show that you care about his/her feelings. Allowing each other to open up will strengthen the trust within a relationship and allow your home to remain a safe space for both of you to express yourselves.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Best Ways To Remain Happy, Healthy, Blissfully Content And Busy While You Are In The Lockdown

Life as you all know it has been put on hold indefinitely. You have all been asked to stay at home to support so that spread of the COVID-19’ speed can be reduced or restricted. Together, we all can save lives and this is something you can all get behind.

But what would you do while you are confined to your homes? May be watching your favorite online or television shows, or sitting down with a good book.

Today, Delhi based Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares the best ways to remain happy, healthy, blissfully content and busy while you are in the lockdown.

Here, are some of those ways.

Watch Your Favourite Shows

Online streaming is your first option of call in the COVID-19 storm. Plenty of shows, movies that too, all at the touch of a single button. This is the thing dreams are made of. But you do not necessarily have to opt-out for a subscription to get your shows on because there are lots of free digital TV services that can keep you entertained.

Only make sure you get up and move around between intervals, or do a little workout.

Workout As Per Your Convenience

Locked inside does not have to mean that you will remain inactive. In fact, a workout can be exactly what you required to quiet those restless legs and it is a lot simpler than you think. No need for any equipment, just have your phone and watch the latest exercise videos directly to your living room.

Read Books

There is nothing quite like sitting up on the sofa with a good book and this is a perfect time, so why not keep aside the distractions and let yourself lose in another world? Whether it is sci-fi, romance, mythology, or any topic of your choice there is something for everyone. If you do not have books you can download them from several sites in your mobile, tablets or laptops.

Try Some Recipes

Markets and other food shops may remain open throughout the COVID-19 outbreak, if not then you must have something in your kitchen. So, there is nothing to panic about. And with a little extra time on your hands, this can be the perfect opportunity to try a new recipe or cook your favorite meal. You can probably have a recipe book at home, also you can avail plenty of ideas online.

Clean Your House

A great way to spend some of your daily time. At times like these, it is simply natural to want to clean. Because of COVID-19 a new illness, which is not clear how it spreads, but if it is anything like the viruses one is used to, it is possibly to be through coughs and sneezes. Tiny droplets can be inhaled or drop on surfaces where they are then picked up and transferred to other places. Dedicatedly clean your house daily just to make the environment of your house clean and safe.

Pamper Yourself

Even during these hours of crisis, it is essential to take time for yourself, so why not enjoy a bit of pampering? You will not go to your saloon or have your nails done, but you can still, give yourself a nice hot and an aromatic bath and have a cozy me time.

Create New Hobbies

This is another opportunity to explore new horizons. You are locked at home and need to spend time doing something creative. Thus, it is a perfect time to try your hand at things like painting, do meditation, or even learn languages or other interesting things online. There are numerous options to explore.

Play Games

Whether you live alone are with family everyone loves a little bit of gaming. So indulge in a round of some indoor games with your wife, kids, and other family members. Else, you can play plenty of offline and online games using your gadgets.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-10 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Tips To Keep Your Relationship Away From Destroying During Quarantine And Lockdown

For several couples, being stuck inside together in their little spaces for a certain week seems like a dream come true. But for other couples, this might be their worst nightmare. From what has been heard, that some couples quarantined together are already losing their minds and you have got a long way to go.

Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

As you are all being told to follow and practice social distancing, and even in certain cases, being instructed not to leave the house completely unless for critical purposes, couples are being quarantined together for an indefinite period of time. If you are feeling stressed out about the effects of coronavirus on your relationship, understand that you are not alone, and your anxious reaction to being quarantined with your partner is just normal.

Today, Delhi based Psychologist, Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few tips to keep your relationship away from destroying during quarantine and lockdown.

How To Maintain Your Relationship?

Any kind of sudden change takes plenty of time to adjust to, and when you are all navigating something unprecedented such as the Covid-19, further beings asked to work from home and being around your significant other round the clock, this is plenty of changes at once. There’s also, plenty of uncertainty right now, and your stress levels are high. So, being suddenly enclosed in an apartment or home with your partner round the clock, when you are not used to it, with everything else, is a lot for your mind has to cope with.”

In order to assist, you cope with all of these modifications, here are some of the tips that could be helpful.

Make Some Time For Alone Time

Alone time every day is essential. Everybody needs time for themselves and it cannot only be when you use the bathroom. Take time to be alone whether this is to simply breathe, text with a friend, sleeping, read and whatever that you are interested in. The crucial thing is to take time to be with you, yourself, and only you.”

Try to arrange timing with your partner, that way, when you are having your alone time, your partner can have theirs, as well. You both require time apart from each other to reboot and make sure that you do not rip each other’s eyes out.

Make A Schedule

Several amongst you are struggling to keep a normal schedule presently, which is a sad thing because most of you rely on schedules for a sense of stability and even to counter things such as anxiety and depression.

Couples need to sit down together and come up with a tentative schedule to add some structure and make things seem a little normal. This is specifically helpful for couples navigating working from home together that too for the first time, or being around each other more than normal. You can also use this period to set some normal ground rules about noise or interruptions while working.

Keep In Touch With Outside World

Sadly, during this period, this is not possible (actually, possible but quite ill-advised PLEASE do not do it unless it is a sort of an emergency. The total objective of social distancing is to avoid the spreading of germs, and that only is possible when you all stay home. But, thanks to modern technology, there are several ways to communicate with others. Do not neglect relationships with friends and loved ones who are not your partner.

Ensure that you have 1 to 2 phone calls every day with other people that are helpful to your mental health and overall sanity and connection. Plan video chats or phone calls with at least a friend or family member daily. It is paramount to maintain your other relationships, even while you are mainly with your partner.

Learn How To Communicate Better

Communication is a base in every relationship, but when you are quarantined together all round the clock, communication is even more essential. Part of this is learning to fight well-meaning being compassionate, and not engaging in ridiculing, name-calling, or shaming. You are all going to lose it for what sounds like no reason, you are going to be rude or not the best version of yourself and that is fine, you need to give yourself and your partner a grace.

Use This Time To Your Advantage

If you are amongst those couples who live together but rarely ever sees each other due to conflicting work schedules or social lives, this is the time to reconnect. Although it does not feel good to be trapped at home, you can still utilize the most of it and do fun activities with your partner.

Here are some of the things that you can do.

·         Spend extra time, learn and explore new things about each other.

·         Play games together.

·         Clean, redecorate and make your home look good.

Arachnophobia: The Fear Of Spiders And How To Come Out Of It

Some people have one or more phobias, with women slightly more prone to develop one than men. One of the most common phobias across the globe is arachnophobia, an attenuate fear of spiders as per psychology. In this article, Delhi based Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about the fear of Arachnophobia and how to come out of it?

Definition Of Arachnophobia

Arachnophobia derives from the Greek word for spider, that is Arachne and Phobos the Greek word used for fear. This extreme fear of spiders and other 8-legged arachnids such as the (scorpions) could actually be an evolutionary response: spiders, especially the poisonous ones have long been associated with illness and infections.

You might know several species of spiders are poisonous and bite, and you know this from pure experience, science, biology, television, movies and seeing other people get bitten. Thus, when one sees a spider nearby a natural response is to feel feared and avoid the spider.

In several people, the fear of spiders evoke a disgust response, People with high-grade arachnophobia have such a high aversion to spiders that they might be afraid to go into their basement or garage since a spider may be present. If they face a spider, they might actually leave the house rather than to deal with it.

When it creates such anxiety that it prevents one from taking part in activities that one wants or need to do, or manifests itself in a manner that it can be physically and mentally disturbing you know your fear of spiders has become irrational.

Causes

Just like other phobias, arachnophobia can develop in a person because he sees the reaction to spiders of others with the phobia. For them, it is a learned response it makes an impact when they see a family member scream in terror and run out of the room at the very sight of a cobweb. It is theorized that a fear of spiders is impacted by one’s cultural background. In specific parts of Africa, large spiders are feared, but in South Africa, spiders are eaten, people could be unafraid of them. If you have had a frightening experience involving a spider, such as a spider bite, chances are that one will be more likely to develop arachnophobia.

Symptoms

Symptoms related to arachnophobia may occur initially in childhood or adolescence. It can also happen to an adult. These are the following symptoms:

·         Dizziness

·         Trembling and sweatiness

·         Feelings of losing control

·         Rapid heartbeats

·         Hot and cold flashes

·         Chest pain

·         Feeling of choking

·         Nausea and other gastrointestinal distress

Treatments

Mostly, a combination of counseling and medication can be used to treat arachnophobia. Relaxation methods such as meditation also can be quite helpful in the treatment of arachnophobia.

As in other phobias, arachnophobia can also be treated with exposure therapy and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). In cognitive-behavioral therapy, the therapist attempts to replace the negative automatic thoughts linked with spiders with more rational thoughts. A therapist might use systemic desensitization to treat arachnophobia. This is the method of learning relaxation techniques and then countering your fears from what one fears the least to what one fears the most.

With the assistance of cognitive reframing, an individual can learn to modify the way he looks at spiders so that he no longer perceives them as a threat. Eventually, an individual can change his physical reaction to seeing a spider.

Sometimes, medications such as an antidepressant or an anti-anxiety may be prescribed along with psychotherapy.

How To Come Out Of Fear

Read about spiders. You will learn that they scarcely bite people unless they feel threatened. Sometimes, a spider bite can create an allergic reaction. However, bites from certain spiders like the poisonous black widow and the brown recluse spider can be dangerous, still, most spider bites are harmless.

Bearing in mind the spiders normally and that includes the much-dreaded black widow and brown recluse-bite only in self-defense when they get trapped between your skin and another object. Also, you must be aware that while there are more than 63,000 species of spiders in the world, only 2% of them are dangerous.

Steer away from spiders, store firewood outside to avert bringing spiders inside the house. Install tight-fitting screens on your doors and windows, and cover off any cracks where spiders might enter. Ensure there are no rocks or lumber right outside your house since spiders like hanging out in those areas.  Make certain your attic and garage are free of cobwebs.

Discuss your fear of spiders with your loved ones and tell them you are getting treated for your condition.  You can ask your physician to recommend a professional therapist who can help you overcome your arachnophobia.

Being Stubborn Can Be A Great Thing? Reasons Your Often-Faulty Trait Is Actually Advantageous

Stubbornness comes mostly with a bad reputation. The definition of a stubborn personality has gathered a false perception of negative traits that includes the following excessive ego, unwillingness to be wrong, ill-tempered, self-centric, fearful of the unknown, controlling, hyper-competitive and defensive.

Where is the other side of the coin? Stubbornness carries excessive of a negative persona, but it can be quite an asset.

Here Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about a few great things about being stubborn.

Stubborn Person Know What He Does Or Does Not Want

Simply because of a stubborn person is not easily moved by opinions, or follows the path of pleasing others, it does not mean the person is self-centric

It is fine to be able to have a stubborn aspect so you can stick to your true values without allowing the opinions of others to affect you.

They Tend To Be More Decisive

A stubborn person is aware of what he wants and what he does not and looks to be more decisive and prompter to the point. For someone having a passive personality, this can come across in the wrong light.

A stubborn person can simply burn a passive personality, and make the person feel like a victim or decisions are being forced on them, but that is only with the faulty choice of the passive. A stubborn person is not every time high-headed in their attempt to control others but in their knowingness of what is good for them or the circumstances. Unless it is a pure ploy to rebel or hurt the other individual, doing what you know is good for yourself is not a bad thing. In fact, it can be a quite healthy act.

They Have Their Own Way

Following your heart takes true determination since, the path of the heart tends to be filled by intuition. It has the habit to move towards the unconventional and can seem illogical to others

However, a stubborn person moves past all the obstacles. They stick to their belief because being stubborn allows detachment from external influences.

They Persevere

A stubborn person has lesser tendencies to give in or give up on their aspirations. If you are stubborn, you can use it to your benefits in all aspects of your life. If you go through a tough breakup, failed academic plans, dream job or whatever else, you can be stubborn for your own self.

It will be beneficial for your well-being to persevere through the torrid patches of life and keep moving ahead. Do not give in to the overly critical people saying that you are too harsh on yourself. As long as you are in tune with your values and pursuits, you can go the distance.

Simply know that being stubborn does not necessarily mean you are totally rigid in your ways; it only means you know what you want and where you are. A stubborn person never settles for less than what he/she wants.

They Have A Mind Of Their Own, They Are Not Close Minded

Being stubborn persons does not always mean one is close-minded. There are a lot of stubborn individuals who open their ears to other’s views they just may decide to not be affected due to their own values, opinions or upbringings.

Whatever the case could be, stubborn persons have a mind of their own, which can be a valuable asset in life. This life is your own, and being stubborn can be a very appealing quality because having the willingness to listen only to your soul creates a particular magnetism.

Deep down, everyone wants to have the willpower to do exactly what their hearts ask for and stubborn person tend to chase their dreams being more focussed.

Going Through A Rough Phase In Your Love Life?

Relationship Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares Some Small Gestures That Can Enhance Your Relationship

At times, falling in love and being in a relationship may seem easy in the beginning. But maintaining a relationship and sailing through all the rough water is a challenge that the majority of the couples face. Is there any magic formula that may help you make your relationship grow stronger? There are not really, but surely some gestures and acts can bring two individuals closer. In fact, the accumulation of small gestures has a greater impact on the happiness of the couple than big but less frequent gestures.

Shivani Misri Sadhoo who is a top Marriage Counsellor, Relationship Expert and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services talks about some of the small gestures that can enhance your relationship if you are going through a rough phase in your love life. Here, are some of them.

Compliment Your Partner, Genuinely

Compliments are a good way of letting your partner know that you still find him/her attractive. Sometimes, when you are with the same person for a significant time, you begin taking their efforts for granted. Why bury your love under the weight of your hectic schedule? Appreciate their efforts and achievements that you feel deserve recognition and compliment.

These small gestures are a strong way of showing that you are paying attention that will make them feel more valued.

Plan A Small Surprise

Spending months and years in a relationship, you become so comfortable in your own ways that you do not bother to express your love to the significant one. It does not imply that you do not love them anymore, it is a sign of stability. But should you allow the sparks to fly away by keeping it monotonous? At times, when words fall short to thank their presence in life, why not plan for small surprises? While spending lavishly is not necessary, surprise your partner with a gift or simply take them to a movie or dinner date. A small surprise will not only brighten their mood but will make them feel more loved.

Do A Random Act Of Kindness

Small gestures can make your partner really feel happy. Holding hands, preparing their favorite dish, assisting them to schedule an appointment or picking them up from the office are all small gestures of showing how deeply invested you are in this relationship. These are also a small indication that there is someone in the corner who pays attention to their daily needs.

Spend Good Time Together

Spending some worthy time together is a healthy way of keeping the spark alive in a relationship. Good time with your partner can be as easy as making an attempt to remain involved in each other’s lives, be it a walk, weekend drive or normal conversation about each other’s dreams and aspirations. As long as you can feel good around each other and give undivided attention to your significant one in things you do, it will be quality and a good time.

Reassurance

Everybody loves to be adored and a bit of reassurance is like an icing on the cake. You may think that your partner already knows how much you love him/her, but a reminder that you will always have their back will uplift their mood and make your bond even stronger. Letting your partner know how much you love them is always a good idea of showing your affection.

best marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

SIGNS YOU NEED MARRIAGE COUNSELLING

A large number of marriages are ending in divorces and that too in a society where marriage is considered a sacred thing. It would not take much to know that marriage is not a cakewalk any more at least in today’s fast life.  Marriage needs some serious hard-work, and it is something that most of us fail to focus on.

Though it starts with all the promises of a happily-ever-afters and story like romances, it actually is far away from this. Marriage involves understanding each other on levels beyond sexual compatibility, involving the minors and majors of daily lives. Have you and your partner been sharing a house but not a relationship? Have you been pondering where the spark went off and why you the two of you cannot even have a decent discussion? Well, as a matter of fact, it happens to several couples, some are quick to rebound while some need external help. This is when marriage counseling comes into play. If your marriage is kind of hanging on the rocks, then you can do with some good advice and look for marriage counseling.

In today’s article, Delhi’s top Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about the signs you need marriage counseling.

You Hardly Talk To Each Other

Effective communication is the secret to solving most problems in life. But if you and your spouse seem to be drifting away from talking to each other, there is something that is definitely not quite right. A marriage counselor can help you communicate effectively with each other, in some innovative ways. Crumble in communication levels between a couple is the first sign of trouble.

When You Talk, It Always Ends Up In Fight

There is always a negative communication. Whenever you two talk, it ends up in a bitter argument or a fight and you end up belittling each other. You ridicule each other or use harsh words and tones to prove your point. While some individuals withdraw from these conversations, some continue to harp on it for hours together. This can even translate into emotional abuse in your marriage.

You Fight For Money And Are Financially Incompatible

Some couples have dissatisfaction with money and finances. Sometimes it is about one partner making more money than the other or the other spending far too much on unnecessary things. Sometimes, one partner feels they do not have sufficient money and gets anxious. Sometimes, the fight is about sharing the expenses. In all these cases, a marriage counselor can help you resolve your concerns about finances and help you get ways to compromise your financial situations.

You Withdraw Love And Care As A Way To Punish

Well, this is actually the most used weapon. Some spouses opt to withdraw all love and care for their partner in an attempt to punish the other after an argument or a fight. They often resort to silent treatment and if you receive this, then it is time to look for help.

When Big Life Changes Happens

Whether it is parenthood, a change in job, moving to a new city, loss of a close family member or something else some disruption in your marriage and life is inevitable. You could be prudent to seek therapy while you go through these changes to cope effectively.

You Are Not On The Same Page On Intimacy And Sex

Sex creates the backbone of marriage. Having too little or excessive sex indicates there is a problem. Some women tend to avoid sex after an unpleasant argument, while some men indulge in too much of it after feeling guilty of some issue. Balanced sex life is a must for a happy marriage, and if that is not happening, you may seek marriage counseling.

You Keep Secrets

Couples who are transparent with each other have relatively better and happy marriages. Partners feel more secure in a relationship when they have the confidence that they know everything about their partner. The moment secrets start creeping in, insecurities start to brew. These minor insecurities sometimes add to big issues and destroy a marriage. A marriage counselor can help you seek changes, and prepare you better for the challenges ahead.

Why Relationship Counselling today is Getting More Important Than Wedding Vows? – Shared by Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Traditionally, marriages in India is the union of two souls, not just an event that brings two people together. In fact, a few decades back, even a large percentage of urban Indians perceived that marriage bonding continues to exist for the next 7 life and death cycles. Times in 2019 has changed, technology development and the emergence of the global economy has shifted people’s lifestyle, changed life priorities, burdened large middle-class populations under loans & monthly EMIs, and most importantly it has restricted the time that people get to spend with their family.

Unfortunately, the conflict between the perception about marriage that most has received from our childhood and the harsh reality of modern urban Indian society has resulted in a common situation – where people get married without thinking of the chances of separation. And they miss taking most of the vital steps required to strengthen their relationship in the current social situation.

That is why it is sometimes a wise thing to think less of the wedding vows and take time to consider what they could do when the things may hit a rocky patch in the future. This is one of the major reasons why couples should think about marriage counseling on a serious note.

In this article Delhi’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares insight on about the reason marriage counseling is more important than the wedding vows.

Premarital Counselling Helps You To Envisage the Relationship’s Future

Marriage counseling can actually start before the wedding. This counseling could include discussing the couple’s individual family past and the family they plan to develop together, including the possibility of kids, how you will deal with conflict.

You can also visit a marriage or family counselor for premarital counseling, which will help you to start your marriage with a clutter-free mind.

It could be a way to clear up any cynicism or fear of marriage and give you a secure place to talk about things like if, when and how many offsprings you want, how you can deal with monetary issues or other stressors in your relationship and to ensure you have similar values and goals for your relationship, your family and your life together.

Taking the time to have premarital counseling also sets you up to be more open to engaging in marriage counseling later on if you need it.

It Is Not Only About Fixing Things But Developing Stronger Roots.

The most common reasons couples opt for marriage counseling include lack of communication in their relationship, lack of emotional support or engagement and worries that they are probably headed toward divorce.

Other factors that often send couples to therapy include fighting or specific relationship matters like infidelity.

Some people simply want to make their marriages stronger and last longer and look to seek professional help.

While Proceeding For A Counseling, Be Certain About What You Want From It

Most couples engage in marriage counseling once issues have been broiling for months, or even years, and the more you wait to seek help the complex it is to work through the issues. Usually, on an average, a couple waits 6 years more than they should begin counseling.

Know what you need from counseling from the start. Are you and your partner all in, entirely committed to save the marriage, no matter how much effort it takes? Or is one or both of you are certain you want to call it off? Knowing the answers will help define what success feels like, but either way, you must maintain an open mind about the process.

Tips to Deal with Your Teenage Kid – By Counselor & Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

As your kids enter into their teen years, various things will begin to change. To move along and assist your teen to develop in a positive direction, you are required to change your expectations and develop empathy, all the while establishing borderline. Making a safe, supportive, structured, and loving atmosphere are as essential for you as it is for your teenage kids.

Delhi’s top Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares tips to deal with your teenage kids.

Adjusting To Their Independence

Treat them like a teen. Not like a child nor an adult. You need to accept that your teenage kid is not a small child anymore. So, it is essential to adjust your expectations and stop treating them like a child. But teens are not adults as well and are not supposed to be held responsible as an adult. The teenage mind is in the process of a critical stage of development which kids need you to help them through the phase of their lives. They are not developed in their decision-making skills, managing impulsiveness or reasoning. Rather  assuming, they would act and think the way an adult does. Always be ready for possible irrational behaviour.

If you’re not happy because your teenage child keeps making the same mistakes, have some compassion, patience and understand that your teen is still learning a lot and nowhere near being an adult yet. It is a part of being a teenager to learning through failure and mistakes. Frame the unpleasant experiences in their lives as learning opportunities.

Be Flexible With Their Freedom

If your teenage kid is putting an effort and showing their responsibility, practice more freedom. If they are making bad decisions, be more restrictive. Sooner or later, show them that their behaviour gives them freedom or restrictions and their own choices regulate their outcomes. If your teenage kid is asking for permission to do something you are willing to say no to, listen to them out. Tell, “I ‘you are not comfortable with it, and I want you to assure me that you are responsible enough towards what you do.

Similarly, say, “I gave you the freedom and you weren’t ready for it, so we are supposed to scale back now.

Focus On Trust, Not Suspicion

As a parent you need to accept the fact that teenagers can get into a lot of trouble, but do not focus your attention on the bad things alone, they’ve done in the past or the risks they may face. Even if your teen has greatly damaged your trust, it is essential for both of you to restore that trust. If you think your teenage kid may be up to something, ask them to explain it to you fully. Ask questions to seek clarity instead of jumping to conclusions. If you are not certain, tell your teen, “I’m worried, but I am opting to trust you on this.”

Implementing Rules And Consequences

If you are angry, stay calm. Take some time and gather yourself. Have a few deep breaths or walk away and come back when you are calm. This way, you are more capable to give fair and reasonable conversations and consequences. Particularly, if your teenage kid knows how to push your buttons or set you off, it is notably important to keep your cool and not discipline them out of frustration or anger. If you feel angry or upset coming on, tune into your body. Focus where you feel upset, do you have knots in your stomach?, do you tremble? or start sweating? Look for these signs and realize this is time to back off.