Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Are you among those romantics who firmly believe in saving the best for the last and what is to do the final act solely on your marital bed? Or have the raging hormones gotten the better of you and you cannot wait to get into a physical relationship before marriage?

What is more imperative- the ingrained doctrines of society or the natural instincts of your body which are desperate to feel the passion and fulfilment of uniting with your beloved’s mind, body, and soul?

Yes, we do believe that girls or boys staying a virgin is a personal choice. But it is simply fair that you think and decides what you believe to be the finest course for you.

How does a physical relationship before marriage impact you both psychologically and physically and how and what are its ramifications in the context of your future partner? Is a physical relationship before marriage good or bad? Genuinely saying, there are both pros and cons to an intimate physical relationship prior to marriage in India.

And it is always best to get to know the pros and cons prior to you diving head-first into a physical relationship before marriage says marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo. In India, specifically, getting physically intimate before marriage is still looked down upon, compared to the western world. Also, pretty often we hear stories of women who are caught at this crossroads.

While every cell in their body is shouting to give in to the longing for physical intimacy, they still refrain as they feel guilty, confused, and fear that getting physically intimate may change their equation with their beloved. Here, India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares ways a physical relationship before marriage may affect your relationship.

Getting physically intimate makes the relationship stronger

Physical intimacy boosts emotional bonds. You see different sides to your partners in this very intimate act that you would not otherwise. How gentle or assertive they are, how much they care about their partner’s needs, how receptive they are to what brings them pleasure, and other factors.

In the act of making love, lovers bare everything to each other and share something that sets them apart from the others. Regular sessions of lovemaking help them to get to know each other better. Long chats post a fulfilling session are something that even therapists recommend to boost closeness. You are most vulnerable post sharing a physically intimate experience with your partner and wish to commit yourself to them, mind, body, and soul.

Is getting physically intimate before marriage ensures success?

It is not a given that the first session will be a total success. It takes some time and patience and practice to understand how to provide maximum pleasure to each other. This is usually, something that takes plenty of exploring. Lovemaking before marriage gives you an opportunity to share your adventures and fantasies and see if the two of you are somewhat on the same page.

This could be a smart way to eliminate mismatched sex drives and poor sex lives. Remember, getting physically intimate is incredibly important to plenty of people, and, for most couples, physical compatibility is necessary for a great marriage.

But then, there is also a possibility you may get cheated and your partner may decide not to marry you while making love prior to getting married. So, it may leave a bitter experience that is sometimes very difficult to overcome. Thus, success is unpredictable.

You might be giving everything that you have

One big advantage of having a physical relationship prior to your marriage is that, by nature, getting physically intimate, two people start as an upward curve that flattens into a plateau, and then goes for a downward slide. Unless the couple takes steps to make certain the zing stays alive.

A dead bedroom syndrome is a very real fear and it can falsely lead you to think that the two of you are not physically compatible with each other. Something that happens naturally could seem like a flaw in the relationship.

Because getting intimate has become boring you may move on to the next person and actually miss out on what could have been a great relationship.

If you are considering getting intimate before your marriage remember to discuss this curve with your partner and if possible also save a few tricks that you can experiment with at a later stage during your relationship.

You may get pregnant

This is not a motive to scare you, but even if you have taken all the precautions there are still possibilities that you could get accidentally pregnant. This might force the two of you to make choices whether you are not ready to make them. If you do wish to go ahead with the pregnancy and the marriage you could be quite well sitting with a bump on your marriage day which could be one of your worst fears.

Perhaps in most fearful situations, the man may not be ready for getting married or having a baby. If your family and his, firmly believe in the no-abortion principle you may see your career and life being cut short due to an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy.

You may not proceed further in a relationship

Every relationship does not end up in marriage. This is why getting into love making before marriage could land you in trouble, particularly in a society like ours. “Waiting until marriage” is a cultural phenomenon, if not for the many people in your generation, then the one above yours. Indian society is still in a phase of transition. Another thing to consider is whether your man is in a relationship with you simply because he loves you or because he just lusts for you.

Sometimes many men simply want a relationship is getting physically intimate. Make certain you understand what is going on in your relationship. There is nothing wrong if you wish the same too, but you should have your situation and priorities clear. Are you fine with a love-making act before your marriage, even if it does not end up in a marriage? If your answer is yes, then there is nothing to worry about.

Your partner might be satisfied with merely a relationship and may not wish it to go any further. Or you might feel you two are not physically compatible and take a call to call off the relationship. But this is for some perhaps better than having a sexually frustrating married life.

So is it wrong or right to get physically intimate before your marriage? The answer completely depends on your choices and their consequences. It all depends on what you feel is right for you. If you are fine with being in a physical relationship before your marriage, then you may go for it, keeping in mind how much it impacts your relationship, it’s future of it, and other aspects of your life.

If you are thinking of forming a future with your present beau, then keep these points in your mind before moving forward with your partner. Here is some advice from top marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo couples could go for premarital counselling before marriage on other issues as well.  You can also book a session with couples therapist Shivani today.

Reveals Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo what defines intimacy between couples

According to The Oxford English Dictionary intimacy has been defined as the “inmost thoughts or feelings; proceeding from, concerning, or impacting one’s inmost self: closely personal.”

While couples therapist Shivani Sadhoo says, from a psychological or relationship’s view intimacy generally, denotes mutual vulnerability, openness, and sharing. It is mostly present in close, loving relationships like in marriages and friendships. The word is also at times used to refer to sexual interactions, but intimacy does not have to be restricted to be sexual only.

Though intimacy could undoubtedly exist beyond romantic relationships, it most usually pertains to dating and marriage. The word intimacy has been derived from Latin word “intimus,” which means ‘inner’ or ‘innermost. In the majority of romance languages, the word intimate refers to an individual’s innermost qualities.

Intimacy lets people bond with each other on multiple levels. Therefore, it is a mandatory component of healthy relationships.

Through this blog, India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo covers the different forms of intimacy and how you can make more of it in your relationship.

Types of intimacy that exists in a relationship

Upon hearing the word, most of you perhaps instantly jumped to thinking about physical intimacy, but other forms of intimacy are simply as important, particularly when it comes to romantic relationships. Let’s have a look at some different kinds of intimacy.

Physical intimacy

While holding a hand or hugging are both examples of physical intimacy, this form is most commonly used in reference to sex. And while sex is integral in relationships, you can also showcase physical intimacy through kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and skin-to-skin contact.

While these minor physical displays of affection might seem mundane, they can actually help you and your partner cultivate a feeling of bonding and closeness.

With reference to sex, a part of intimacy is also about feeling safe enough with your partner to share your likes and dislikes. Make certain that you are asking for the same piece of information from your partner. In this manner, you can facilitate a safe haven where both of you will feel comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts, needs, and desires.

Emotional

Emotional intimacy can also be one of the most vital aspects of a relationship. One specific journal defined emotional intimacy as involving “a perception of closeness to another that lets sharing of personal feelings, accompanied through expectations of understanding, affirmation, and demonstrations of caring.

To harvest emotional intimacy, take the proper time to listen to and share with your partner every day. Also, make notes of special moments or things that remind you of your special one so that you can let them know you are also thinking about them.

Studies have suggested that self-disclosure helps build feelings of intimacy inside marriages, which will make your bond even stronger. A big part of it is sharing your thoughts and feelings with transparency, honesty, and listening to your loved ones when they do the same.

Experiential

While couples do not have to be joined at the hip, shared experiences are essential in healthy relationships. They are also mostly the way that relationships start, so experiences could even add an aspect of nostalgia for long-term partners.

If you are looking to deepen your experiential intimacy, this is an excellent moment to book a trip or try out a fun new date spot or activity in your city. Try to learn something new with regard to your partner.

Intellectual

See, you do not have to watch a specific TV show together every single night, but it could be fun to have intellectual conversations with your significant other, mainly if you work in different fields. Find new topics to discuss; simple website searches pull up tons of conversation starters.

If you put good effort into having conversations beyond the everyday monotony, it will keep things fresh within your relationship.

Spiritual

While this could be referring to religious ideas and beliefs, it also means something way more profound, such as sharing actual beliefs and values. Your values and beliefs could align with religion or even general health and wellness. Regardless, it is necessary to share these vital aspects of your life with your partner.

This could also be an opportunity for you and your partner to talk about what role you exactly want spirituality to play in your lives if you have a family.

Methods to form intimacy

Not an issue of how long you two have been together, it is always important to develop your intimacy levels. Here are certain simple, practical methods to enhance and expand your levels of intimacy in your relationship:

• If you are not in the mood or are extremely exhausted from having sex or even talking, cuddle on the couch.
• Plan for a trip to a place neither of you has earlier been to. It is fun to experience new things for the first time.
• Keep aside the gadgets even if it is only during a meal or while you and your partner watch a show together. Rather, make certain to do this if your partner is talking to you about their day or a specific experience.
• While listening to your partner, make yourself completely emotionally present to them. If you at all cannot manage to do this when they are talking to you, calmly explain your case why and then set aside a specific time in the future to listen to what they have to say.
• Send each other articles so that both of you can have fun and something new to discuss. This also assists in building intellectual intimacy, and it could provide you a much-required mental break if you have kids, or a caregiver to another loved one in the extended family.

Related Blog Post on Intimacy and Relationship

Psychology says manipulation is directly influencing someone’s beliefs, desires, or emotions, such that a person falls short of ideals for belief, desire, or emotion in ways typically not in his/her self-interest or likely not as per the situation in the current context.”

Manipulation is an art or perhaps even a pseudo-science, may be a dark science to an extent. History is replete with examples of manipulation.

Is it good or bad?

Thanks to the digital connectivity sharing information is a cakewalk in today’s fast-paced life. But this same connectivity also helps in manipulating the public perception of reality through ‘fake news’. But manipulation can be positive or negative depending upon whether it takes the form of persuasion or coercion.

Persuasion is about getting people to do things they want to do whereas Coercion is about getting people to do things they don’t want to do. Inspiring or encouraging a person to do something that can be beneficial for him if he is afraid of doing is called good manipulation.

While using somebody for your own self motives with primary means to hurt that individual whom one is using is bad manipulation.

Positive manipulation motivates employees to achieve their goals thereby improving organizational performance.

Using negative manipulation, manipulator twist words, play on emotions and manage a situation in a sneaky fashion to get what he wants. This kills the confidence of the person being manipulated.

What goes on in the mind of a manipulator? Psychological reasons behind the manipulation.

Delhi’s Top Psychologist and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells us the reasons behind the manipulation. They are as follows:

Narcissistic Mentality: Manipulators usually suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder which is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and the deep need for admiration. They consider that they are better than others. They are not concerned about how others feel. Individuals with narcissistic personality (NPD) may find it difficult to form close relationships. So, they may resort to manipulation to maintain a good relationship with their partners.

It’s In Their Family: Sometimes manipulators have a difficult childhood wherein they are deprived of love and affection, status and privilege from their family members. Sometimes they struggle for economic and social survival. This is what turns them into manipulators.

It’s In Their Genes: Manipulative behavior can be hereditary too.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): BPD might help manipulators to satisfy their emotional needs or for obtaining validation. This happens because such manipulators feel insecure or abandoned.

Give Me Power: Manipulators love the feeling of being powerful. They love to control people and situations. They want to be the king and be in charge of everything.

Lack Of Consciousness: This is another reason for being manipulative. They believe that the only way to achieve their goal in this ‘unsafe world’ is by manipulation.)

Last but not least, whatever the psychology behind manipulation is, manipulators can change for the better. They just need the right guidance for that to overcome that negative trait which becomes a part of their life.

Here are a few stress busters for children and teenagers!

A teenage child suddenly stops attending school, despite being a good student. When asked, she would simply slam the door and lock oneself in for hours. After a few days, the child finally told his parents about being bullied at school. The child was under severe mental stress so much so that the kid even tried committing suicide.

Every individual has some trouble, but when you worry it becomes double! Hence, don’t worry, be happy!

Currently, India ranks the highest in the world in terms of the suicide rate for the youth between the age groups of 15 and 29. About 9 out of 10 Indians suffer from stress.

What is stress?

In today’s fast-paced world, where one has no time to stand and stare, the word ‘stress’ needs no formal introduction. However, in simple words, stress is your body’s way of responding to any kind of demand or threat. For instance, when you sense danger, be it real or imaginary—the body’s defense system kicks into high gear in a rapid, automatic process called the “fight-or-flight” reaction or the “stress response.”  

What causes stress?

Stress occurs from the tension between an individual’s reaction to hard times or challenges and his or her ability to handle and resolve the stressful situation. These situations and pressures that cause stress are called Stressors. Stressors can be either physiological (or physical) stressors or psychological stressors.

Physiological (or physical) stressors put a strain on our body i.e. very cold/hot temperatures, injury, chronic illness, or pain.

Psychological Stressors are events, situations, individuals, comments, or anything you interpret as negative or threatening. For e.g. unable to secure good grades at exams or being bullied at school or relationship crisis.

Good stress and bad stress

Psychology says the pressure of exhilarating, creative successful act is beneficial while that of failure, humiliation, and infection is detrimental.

Good stress motivates and keeps you on your toes during an important presentation at school or college, increases your concentration level and even drives you to study for an exam when you’d rather be watching TV. Athletes even break the world records under stress.

Bad stress is when stress stops being good and helpful and starts affecting your physical, psychological and social health and reduces your productivity and creativity.

How To Distress? / A Few Effective Stress-Busters/Ways of Beating The Stress

The best way to relieve stress is to learn the skill of managing it. Here Delhi’s Top Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about the various ways/tips and tricks of beating/ handling stress in children and teenagers.

Eat Right:

You are what you eat. Junk food not only hampers a child’s physical growth but also affects their brain development. So, say NO to junk food and YES to healthy food like fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, a variety of protein foods, and low-fat dairy products. Eat a balanced meal for a healthy body and a healthy mind.  

Think Positive:

Learn to be optimistic! Train your brain for more positive self-talk. Think ‘I CAN’ rather than ‘I CANNOT’.

Listen To Music:

Music can be a great healer for relieving stress. It acts as a medicine for your stressed mind.

Exercise Daily:

Exercise pumps up your brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters, called endorphins and is a great stress buster.

Empathize/ Sharing And Caring:

Parents must try to put themselves in their kid’s shoes and understand their point of view. This is called cognitive empathy. After all, sharing is caring! Listen to your child and help him or her to deal with the daily stress and strain of life.

Rest Is Must:

As per the National Sleep Foundation, teens must get 8-10 hours of sleep daily. This helps to regulate hormones, consolidate memory, solidify learning, and restore energy.

Reduce Screen Time:

Teenagers who spend seven hours or more a day on screens (excluding schoolwork) are more prone to stress and anxiety, are less emotionally stable compared to those who spend just one hour a day on screens (excluding schoolwork).

Meditation:

Meditation helps teens and children to deal with peer pressure, to be more focussed, be more confident and thus acts as a great stress buster.

A few women feel a real man do not exist, that he is impossible to get. Some women do not want somebody like him. On the other hand, many men think they are the best definition of a real man.

While some men feel there is no such thing. One thing is sure, though, those men who think they are the actual definition of a real man and those who believe they are not very often wrong.

If you want to know that you are a real man or are in a relationship with a real man, look out the actions. A real man behaves very differently from the selfish boy types you get to everywhere that you cannot fail to notice the difference.

He is a complete gentleman, good for more than just the first initial months. Essentially, a real man does things so nicely when he is into a relationship that one just has to love him and his style.

Delhi’s Top Marriage Counsellor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this article talks about the things a real man does when he is into a relationship.

He Loves And Respects His Woman For What She Is

He may not love her all the time, but he loves her. Not only her body, her possessions, and her status, but entre of her. He knows that as beautiful as her body is at present, physical beauty fades. Thus, he focuses his love and attention on her true beauty, which is found inside her sensibilities and personality. He treats her like a lady, with great dignity and respect. He never minds cooking her favorite food, taking her out to dinner and paying the bills. He also expects love and respect from her.

Commits To The Relationship Completely

He never cheats. He is loyal to his partner and understands that relationships take hard work to keep it strong and healthy. His affection for his woman is a full-time commitment. He nourishes and boosts the relationship through ongoing, honest interaction and teamwork. When you are with a real man, you know you can trust the man. He will stay faithful does not matter what and expects you to do the same.

Protects His Woman Physically And Emotionally

It is not that a woman cannot protect and defend herself, but he is there for her anyways. He protects her in several ways, including providing financial security and comforting her and making her feel that things will be okay. He is ready to throw a good punch if required to defend her from physical aggressors. However, he thinks before he acts. He never makes a move until he is sure about all details and specifics are in order. His moves are analytic, deliberate and certain. Abuse of any kind is not an issue when you are with him. He is considerate and treats everybody kindly.

He Fulfils His Partner Mentally And Sexually

He knows that most of the time in any relationship is spent doing non-physical, non-sexual things. Apart from whispering to her how beautiful she is or how he is going to make passionate love to her when he gets back home during the evening, he also engages his partner in meaningful discussions about life plan with her, and cracks joke to ease up and liven moments together. He shows awareness, intelligence, and sensitivity that makes his acts not only timely but also genuinely charming.

He Takes Responsibility For Each Actions And Decisions

He does not put blame on his partner or try to defend his mistakes. He acknowledges when he has committed a mistake apologizes for it, learns from it and acts to make it right. Apologizing is not an issue with him. He knows it does not make him any less of himself to say it. In fact, apologizing makes him more of a man because it shows he has the confidence, courage, and integrity to admit his faults and looks to correct them.

He Always Speaks His Mind

He is not afraid or worried to say what is on his mind. He will say no without any fear whenever he does not agree with something. He will debate with you on topics he is not comfortable with without losing his temper. He will be honest and talk to you like an equal, then allow you to have your own conclusions or take whatever action you may want. This does not mean he is indifferent or treats his partner badly. He simply does not agree with her on everything. He understands a Yes-man is no man at all.

He Stands Up For His Relationship

At times friends, family and even strangers ask inappropriate things or make improper remarks about your relationship, like saying you are not a good couple. In those cases, a real man stands up for himself and his partner and defends the legitimacy and integrity of the relationship. Even when they are his peers, he speaks up and stands his ground to protect his relationship. This says he can express himself in the presence of others, protect his woman and act as an authoritative man.

Does your palm get sweaty or your heart starts beating like a big brass band every time you leave your home for your workplace? Do you keep worrying about everyday social situations or how people will judge or scrutinize you?

This constant feeling of tension or worry that interferes with your daily life even when there is no real threat is what we call ANXIETY. People with anxiety disorder often feel that sickening sense of fear almost every day. It just does not let you live in peace. However, there is a fine line of difference between ‘fear’ and ‘anxiety’.

If fear is fearful of something in particular or definite like maybe a fear of insects, then anxiety is being anxious about nothing in particular. Human psychology defines anxiety as ‘the state of being troubled and uneasy. It includes choke, throttle, trouble, and upset and encompasses behavioral, affective and cognitive responses to the perception of danger. Anxiety isn’t always bad.

The good news is that in small doses, it motivates us to deal with the challenges of life. It also helps us to identify and respond to danger in ‘flight or fight’ mode. The bad news is that persistent anxiety may lead to several anxiety disorders like Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Panic Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Social Phobia (or Social Anxiety Disorder).

In other words, today you practically live in ‘an age of anxiety’. About 275 million people suffer from anxiety disorders today. Out of which approximately 170 million are female and about 105 million are male sufferers.

In this era of technological revolution as we constantly toggle between screens and compulsively check social media anxiety is inevitable. The hustle and bustle of today’s hectic life presents situations that cause extreme anxiety. Though the particular causes of anxiety are unknown. Yet, some of the causes could be:

·         Social Pressure

·         Marital distress

·         Work-Related Stress

·         Financial Problems

·         Usage Of Unhealthy Substance

·         Medical Illness (like heart attack, heat stroke, hypoglycemia)

·         Genetic

To get rid of your anxiety, what should you do? Take a deep breath or try meditation or simply talk to someone. There are various ways of coping with anxiety.

Let us find out in this article a few effective psychological ways of managing anxiety from Delhi’s Top Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo, founder of Saarthi Counselling Services. She shares four such tricks/strategies for dealing with anxiety. They are as follow:

Exercise Daily

It reduces anxiety by lowering the level of the body’s stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. It also boosts the production of endorphins, chemicals in the brain which are the body’s natural painkillers and mood elevators. It also helps you to sleep better thereby relieving your anxiety.

Take Supplements

Supplements like lemon balm, ashwagandha (an herb) or green tea is very helpful in treating anxiety. Since some supplements can interact with medications or might have side-effects, hence it is advisable to consult the doctor beforehand.

Reduce Your Caffeine Intake

Caffeine present in beverages like tea, coffee, energy drinks or even chocolate stimulates your “fight or flight” response that can make your anxiety worse.

Spend Time With Your Loved Ones

Spending some quality time with friends and family acts as a natural stress reliever. It kills your anxiety. What can be more comforting than a warm embrace from your mother or maybe hanging out with your BFF? Several studies reveal that hugging releases oxytocin in the brain that lowers blood pressure while being with your best friend reduces the level of cortisol stress hormone. That makes you less anxious!

Being in a toxic relationship is not never an easy task. Most of you want to get out of toxic work life, friendships and also relationships. However, when it comes to relationships, one needs to understand if the habits are really toxic.

Plenty of times you end up objectifying common habits and tendencies as toxic when in actuality they are not. After all, no relationship is perfect and at times all it needs is some time and reflection. While most of you want things to be scenic and romantic all the time, which in reality is not practical to attain.

Top Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about the healthy relationship habits, that the majority of people actually think they are toxic.

Hurting Feelings Of Each Other

Sometimes, you and your partner can hurt the feelings of each other. There are times when you have to tell your partner the fact, they do not want to hear. Rather than having a fake and pretentious relationship, it is vital, to be honest. If your partner provides you his/her honest opinion, it is fine to be hurt, but it is normal for the partner to maintain transparency.

Not Accepting The Flaws

The reality of every relationship is that nobody is perfect. Every individual has flaws and imperfections, the faster you accept, the better it is. If your partner accepts you with every flaw of yours, even you should too. Overlooking a few shortcomings can bring you two closer than ever.

Avoiding Conflicts

A majority of people want to avoid arguments, which is normal and fine. You need to understand that everything cannot be resolved by talking. Some conflicts simply happen and cannot be resolved. It is fine to ignore a few conflicts, instead of arguing and hurting each other anymore. As there is a saying, some battles are not worth fighting. All you require to understand is it worth fighting or not?

Taking Some Place

In this busy life, you cannot just focus on your partner. Everyone needs some time off even from a relationship. You cannot always be the escape zone for your better half. Sometimes, spending time apart is good, which will only make your relationship stronger in the future. If you or your partner wants to spend some time away, then it is fine. From old hobbies on a trip with your friends, spending some time away from your partner can help to bring back the spark.

Feeling Attracted To Someone Else

As much as you would like to believe that you can have attraction only for your significant one, human chemistry says otherwise. It is okay to find other people attractive, as it is biologically unavoidable. Once you get past the honeymoon phase, it is fine to feel attracted to each other. Liking someone is unavoidable and to act on it is your choice and conscience always.

Marriage is a crucial stage in every individual’s life, it can be an exciting and enjoyable moment when you tie the knot with the right person. Else, it can be emotionally draining and physically stirring. Contrary to the fairy tale idea of weddings you grow up fantasizing, marriages in real life can be tricky and challenging.

Once you are through the honeymoon phase, only then you may face some uneasy situations that may force you to contemplate whether you have married the right person or not. Although there is no easy analysis assuring a compatible life partner.

In this article, Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counsellor, Relationship Expert, and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services Shivani Misri Sadhoo says the following factors while selecting a partner can be of great help. Here they are.

Values Matches

Though sharing the same love for a hobby or a passion for traveling can enhance your relationship, what really matters in a marriage is having some shared values. It means both must have similar socio-cultural, political beliefs, same value system to name a few. The fact that you need the same thing from life is a symptom that you believe in the same core values and are meant to be with each other. As you grow and evolve, your interests keep changing but the values that you hold do not change much if strongly held. Irrespective of your interests, shared values have a nice chance for a successful marriage. You do not have to agree on everything but if your values are out of line, you could need to reconsider the prospect of marriage.

Have Strong Trust

Trust lays the foundation of every relationship. When you trust your significant other, you have that freedom to be yourself, to share your thoughts and heart with your partner because you know what you share will always be valued and treasured. You can be honest about things without the requirement to hide them and that is a good sign. Without trust, you will feel fear and insecurities, hampering the potential of the relationship. It is, therefore, quintessential to know that the person you are going to marry is trustworthy prior you share your deepest feelings and experiences.

Healthy Level Of Independence

While you enjoy spending time with each other, your would-be spouse should have no issue with you spending time with other people or doing the things you enjoy. In a healthy relationship, both partners understand and respect that their partner needs time besides doing what they want to do. If someone is continuously relying on you for all their needs and demands then understand there is some problem down the line. Co-dependence on each other to an extent that you lose your autonomy is a bad sign. A self-assured person is confident and can take care of his/her own emotional needs.

Your wedding anniversary is quite special, an important occasion to celebrate with your partner. Though Valentine’s Day provides lovely alone time together, fun dates, and wonderful gifts, your anniversary is a moment that you and your partner get to spend celebrate each other and the bond you share without any guidelines and expectations. Your anniversary is supposed to be celebrated your way, by spending time together and doing things that are special and unique to both of you.

In this article, Shivani Misri Sadhoo who is Delhi’s top Marriage Counsellor, Relationship Expert and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services shares 5 creative ways to celebrate your anniversary this year. Here, they are.

Start A New Tradition

To add a twist, start something new to your anniversary celebration, you can begin a new ritual that you two would do each anniversary. For instance, you can make an anniversary journal in which each of you writes an entry every year, showcasing your celebration activities and new memories. You can also simple things as a bike ride downtown or having a bottle of wine that you can save to enjoy on your next anniversary. Another great way is to write love letters to each other that you will open and read on your next anniversary, throwing in any hopes or wishes you have for this next year together. Adding something new to your anniversary plan will allow you to have some structure to the day and look forward to next year’s celebration.

Opt For Romance Over Ritz

If you have had a handful of wedding anniversary celebrations with your spouse, chances are you have gone out for dinner or drinks several times over the past years. Make each year’s anniversary more special by planning an outing to a destination that has a special meaning for the two of you.

Perhaps it might be the place that serves your favorite ice cream, where you two had your first date or a restaurant that serves a meal you both have loved to eat. Even if it is as simple as enjoying a walk through the park where you first met, choosing an activity or place with a sentimental value over something fancy will truly make the evening wonderful.

Take A Walk Down Memory Lane

One of the finest ways to spend your anniversary is by sitting down with your spouse to remember and relive the special moments of your wedding day. Irrespective of whether it is your 5^th or 15^th wedding anniversary, your anniversary is the best time to open up your wedding album and laugh (or maybe for some happy tears) about the memories. Reliving those moments will make you feel strongly connected to each other and appreciative of the journey you both have made together.

Plan A Trip

Though it may not be realistic to pack your bags and book a flight and escape to an exotic destination, though it could be a great way to celebrate your wedding anniversary. But this can be done even with a small trip, even if it’s only for just a day. By getting out of your normal routines and spending some quality time together, you will be able to rekindle some passion while having fun exploring a new place. Escaping your everyday routine of life will allow you to enjoy some relaxation time and focus on each other. Plan a long drive, outdoor activity, or camping trip if you have less time.

Treat Yourself

If you 2 have been having an extra busy schedule for some time, make this moment a special time where you both can select an activity that will give you some much-needed relaxation time, while spending the day together. Book a table at a restaurant, take each other for shopping, or order food while you are indulged in your favorite movie. Whatever your way of treating yourself is, plan this time to unwind together.

Your anniversary is a cherish able time of the year where you can celebrate the relationship you two have worked so hard on and made so many wonderful memories. Along with the meaningful anniversary gifts you will present to one another, plan something special with these creative anniversary date ideas that will let you two to make memories and enjoy the immense amount of love you share for each other.

Every couple fight and have an argument, but not every fight has to be the finish of a relationship.

It’s inevitable that couples will argue and fight in a relationship is completely normal and expected.

Arguments happen in every relationship, even in the best ones, but how you argue is that matters.

In long-lasting, happy, and healthy relationships, both partners can use certain strategies to fight properly so they can disagree or express dissatisfaction or even get actually mad without hurting each other.

If your arguments or fights makes you or your partner feeling emotionally battered, bad about yourself, misunderstood, or resentful, then the way you are fighting could hurt your chances of staying together.

In this article, Shivani Misri Sadhoo who is Delhi’s best Marriage Counsellor talks about 5 essential do’s and don’ts for having productive arguments (and a long, happy relationship).

Phrase Your Dissatisfaction As A Complaint Not As A Contempt Or Criticism

When you make a complaint, you describe a certain behavior that you did not like, what you thought it meant, and how it made you feel. Then, you tell what you wish they would do instead.

It is not an assassination of character or an accusation. A complaint paves a way for a conversation about something that disturbed you. It leaves scope for the possibility that your interpretation was wrong and lets the other person clarify what they intended.

Here is an example when complaining: When you looked away from me while I was narrating you a story, I felt like you were not interested, and you thought I was irritating. I wish you had not suddenly look away and done other things while I am talking to you.

The receiver of these words could feel like their attention and opinions are essential.

Now an example of a criticism: You are so irritating when you turn away while I am talking.

Calling your partner irritating is a character assassination because it is not talking about the behavior, it is talking about the person.

Example of contempt: I am tired to death of trying to communicate with you when you keep looking here and there. It is useless. The receiver of this sentence could feel hated, not valued.

Stick To Single, Specific Incident

Never bring in other similar past incidents as evidence of a character flaw or shortcoming. That is not a way of resolving a problem.

Rather, when you are arguing, try to restrict the discussion to just one specific incident. It is more likely to end well because the receiver of the complaint will still feel generally valued and not like he/she has been accused of having a fatal, repeating flaw.

Begin With Hearing And Validating, When Receiving A Complaint

Always begin with at least one compassionate sentence when receiving a complaint. An angry person requires their point to be heard before they can listen.

A successful plan is to show that you understand what the angry person is saying by repeating and validating what they told. You will be surprised how much it actually defuses anger and calms people down.

It does not mean that you agree that their interpretation is right. You still have the right to disagree with your partner’s point of view and present yourself fairly. But, if you want your story to listen as well, then show them you are listening first.

Do Not Criticize Or Demonstrate Contempt

Criticism and contempt are both a form of character assassinations. Criticism is milder, contempt is more hateful. Either of these communicates dislike, disrespect, and is a guaranteed descent into a damaging fight.

If you phrase something as criticism or contempt, it obviously elicits defensiveness or retaliation from your partner. And there is no rerouting that conversation could go in a positive direction.

Do Not Mock Or Impersonate Your Partner Sarcastically

Never ever do this. It absolutely never has a good outcome. And it will make you seem like the bad guy.

Though it may appear like venting off some steam or might seem good to you, it feels extremely disrespectful, ridiculing, and hurtful to your partner.

Mocking or sarcastically impersonating your partner in distress is considered to be the kind of contempt that is a huge predictor of a breakup.