Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Top Marriage Counselor Shivani Sadhoo Explains

Effective communication is the foundation of healthy relationships, be it romantic, familial, or professional. The way we express ourselves and listen to others greatly impacts the dynamics and overall satisfaction within these relationships.

Unfortunately, certain communication styles can act as poison, gradually eroding trust, understanding, and harmony. In this article, Delhi’s top marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some toxic communication styles and provides guidance on how to avoid them, fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections.

Passive Aggression

Passive-aggressive communication is characterized by indirect expressions of hostility, disguised as passivity or sarcasm. This style often involves subtle jabs, backhanded compliments, or withholding information to create tension and manipulate others.

It can leave the recipient feeling confused, hurt, and frustrated, ultimately leading to deteriorating relationships. Instead, strive for open and honest dialogue, addressing concerns directly without resorting to hidden agendas or covert hostility.

Defensiveness

Defensive communication is a self-protective response that arises from feeling attacked or criticized. It involves denying responsibility, making excuses, or deflecting blame onto others. When both parties engage in defensiveness, it creates a cycle of negativity, hindering effective problem-solving and resolution. To break this pattern, practice active listening and empathy, focusing on understanding the other person’s perspective without immediately jumping to self-defence.

Stonewalling

Stonewalling occurs when an individual withdraws from a conversation or relationship, shutting down emotionally and refusing to engage. It can manifest as silent treatment, avoidance, or dismissing the other person’s concerns.

Stonewalling prevents open communication and leaves the other person feeling unheard and invalidated. Instead, strive for open dialogue, even if it feels uncomfortable, and make a conscious effort to actively participate in resolving conflicts.

Blaming and Criticizing

Blaming and criticizing communication styles involve focusing on faults and mistakes rather than seeking constructive solutions. This approach creates a hostile and judgmental environment, where individuals feel attacked and defensive.

Instead of blaming and criticizing, practice constructive feedback by expressing your concerns using “I” statements, focusing on specific behaviours, and offering suggestions for improvement. This allows for a more collaborative and growth-oriented approach.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation that aims to make the other person doubt their own perceptions, memories, and sanity. This toxic communication style involves distorting the truth, denying events, or trivializing the other person’s feelings and experiences. Gaslighting erodes trust, undermines self-esteem, and can lead to psychological harm. It is crucial to recognize gaslighting behaviours and establish boundaries to protect your emotional well-being and maintain healthy relationships.

Marriage counsellor Shivani says effective communication is the lifeblood of any successful relationship, and toxic communication styles can poison even the strongest bonds. By being aware of these destructive patterns and actively working to avoid them, we can foster healthier connections built on trust, empathy, and understanding. Remember to practice open dialogue, active listening, and respect for each other’s feelings and perspectives. By doing so, we can cultivate relationships that thrive and bring joy and fulfillment to our lives.

Key Relationship Tips Shared by Leading Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Insecurity has the ability to deeply impact a person’s emotional well-being and relationships, leading to feelings of anxiety, doubt, and fear. If your partner struggles with insecurity, it is important to provide a nurturing and supportive environment that fosters their sense of safety and love. In this blog, Delhi’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares effective strategies to help make an insecure partner feel secure, valued, and cherished within the relationship.

Cultivate Open and Honest Communication

Establishing open lines of communication is crucial for creating a safe space where your partner can express their insecurities without fear of judgment or dismissal. Encourage them to share their thoughts, concerns, and fears openly, and actively listen with empathy and understanding. Validate their emotions and reassure them that their feelings are valid and important to you.

Show Unconditional Love and Acceptance

Unconditional love is a powerful force that can help alleviate insecurity. Demonstrate your love and acceptance for your partner by embracing all their flaws, quirks, and vulnerabilities. Celebrate their strengths and remind them that they are loved for who they are, unconditionally. Small gestures of affection, such as hugs, kisses, and reassuring words, can go a long way in conveying your love and support.

Build Trust through Consistency and Reliability

Insecurity mostly stems from a lack of trust. To help your partner feel safe, it is important to build trust through consistent actions and reliability. Be true to your word, follow through on promises, and be dependable in both big and small matters. Consistency and reliability demonstrate that you are someone they can rely on, fostering a sense of security within the relationship.

Provide Reassurance and Affirmation

Regularly reassure your partner of your commitment and loyalty. Give genuine compliments and affirmations that highlight their positive qualities and reassure them of your love. Avoid dismissing their insecurities or becoming defensive; instead, address their concerns using compassion and understanding. Let them know that you are there to support them unconditionally.

Create a Safe and Nurturing Environment

Make sure that your relationship is a safe space for your spouse to express themselves freely. Foster an environment of trust, empathy, and emotional safety. Avoid criticism, belittling, or comparison. Encourage their personal growth and support them develop a positive self-image by focusing on their strengths and encouraging their passions and aspirations.

Encourage Personal Development and Self-Care

Insecurity can mostly be mitigated by promoting personal growth and self-care. Encourage your partner to engage in activities they enjoy, pursue their passions, and take care of their physical and emotional well-being. Support their personal goals and offer encouragement during challenging times. When they invest in self-care and personal growth, their self-confidence and sense of security are likely to improve.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

In some cases, deep-rooted insecurities may require the assistance of a professional therapist or counselor. If your partner’s insecurities significantly impact their daily life and well-being, encourage them to seek therapy. Professional guidance can provide them with tools and strategies to address their insecurities effectively and foster personal growth.

Shivani says, supporting an insecure partner needs patience, understanding, and a commitment to creating a safe and loving environment. By cultivating open communication, demonstrating unconditional love and acceptance, building trust, and providing reassurance, you can help your partner feel secure and valued within the relationship. Remember that everyone’s journey and learning path are unique, and it is essential to adapt these strategies to suit your partner’s specific needs. With consistent effort and empathy, you can foster a strong and loving bond, nurturing your partner’s sense of security and creating a fulfilling and harmonious relationship.

Challenges in relationships are inevitable. When both partners are willing to face the challenges hand-in-hand and act together to find win-win solutions, the majority of problems can be managed.

But many times couples lack the needed skills and tools to work through even solvable issues in their relationship. As unresolved problems, poor relationship habits, and emotional disconnection grow, the stability and spark in the relationship seem to fade. At this stage, one partner might be too eager to get some support since they know the relationship would benefit from the guidance of a professional perspective. Yet the other half is refusing to attend. 

When approaching your partner regarding attending couples therapy, you are likely to meet resistance. Certainly, people have some sort of misconceptions regarding couples therapy; they might fear “exposing” their shortcomings and feeling vulnerable, or they might believe therapy will turn them into a punching bag for the therapist and their partner.

Some couples might use therapy as a last-ditch attempt, rather than a preventative method to improve their relationship, says marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo.

In this article, Delhi’s leading marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo explores five effective ways to inspire your partner to join you in attending couples therapy, letting both of you embark on a journey towards a healthier and happier relationship.

Communicate openly and honestly

The primary step towards inspiring your partner to attend couples therapy is open and honest communication. Form a safe and non-judgmental space where you both can express your feelings and concerns. Explain why you feel therapy could be beneficial for your relationship and share your desire to work together towards resolving problems. Emphasize that therapy is not a symbol of failure, but rather a proactive step towards personal and relational growth.

Highlight the benefits of couple’s therapy

Help your partner understand the possible benefits of couple’s therapy. Discuss how therapy could provide a neutral environment for both of you to explore underlying issues, enhance communication, and gain valuable insights into each other’s perspectives.

Emphasize that therapy is an opportunity to learn new methods and strategies to enhance your relationship, boost intimacy, and strengthen the bond between you. By highlighting these benefits, you can easily alleviate any fears or misconceptions your partner may have about therapy.

Lead by example

Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Take the initiative by going for therapy yourself first, whether it is individual counselling or therapy focused on personal growth. This showcases your willingness to invest in your own well-being and shows your partner that therapy is not a one-sided endeavour.

As your partner witnesses the positive transformations you experience through therapy, they may become more willing to join you in couples therapy, realizing the potential it holds for both of you.

Give reassurance and support

Your partner might have reservations or fears related to attending couples therapy. Reassure them that you are committed to the process and that therapy is collaborative work, not an opportunity to shift blame or find fault. Assure them that therapy is a confidential space where both partners will be heard and understood. Give your support throughout the process, emphasizing that you are in this together and that attending therapy is an investment for your relationship’s future.

Explore different therapy options together

Research multiple therapy options together and find a therapist who resonates with both of you. Involve your partner in the selection procedure to ensure their comfort and engagement. Discuss different therapy modalities and methods, like cognitive-behavioural therapy, emotionally-focused therapy, or solution-focused therapy. By involving your partner in the decision-making process, you form a sense of ownership and collaboration, increasing the likelihood of their active participation in couples therapy.

Inspiring your partner to join you in attending couples therapy needs patience, understanding, and effective communication. By following these suggestions above —communicating openly, highlighting the benefits, leading by example, offering reassurance and support, and exploring therapy options together—you might inspire your partner to embark on this transformative journey towards a healthier and happier relationship. Remember, it takes both partners’ commitment and willingness to make a couple’s counselling a success.

Just like human beings need a break from mundane routines, relationships need a break to re-energize and strengthen bonds. Relationships can become strained and lackluster when people take each other for granted or fail to nurture their bonds. Taking a break from relationships is similar to taking a vacation from work; it gives everyone a chance to relax, recharge, and return with a renewed focus and appreciation. Taking a break from your relationship doesn’t mean it’s over. It’s an opportunity to take a step back, re-evaluate, and understand what needs to be changed for the relationship to be successful.

However, relationship breaks should never be indefinite. They need to have a specific timeline and an agreed-upon goal. This will help both parties to focus on their own well-being and have a better understanding of what needs to be done to move forward. This will also ensure that the break is used constructively and not just as an excuse to avoid difficult conversations.

So, let’s find out the benefits of taking a break from your relationship from Shivani Misri Sadhoo, India’s top marriage counselor and psychologist in India.

1. It helps to Reanalyse: 

Taking a break gives each partner time to reflect on their feelings and assess the relationship objectively. It can allow each partner to determine if the relationship is worth saving, or if it is time to move on. It also helps you to gain perspective and see the relationship from a different angle.

2. Distance lends enchantment: 

Distance lends enchantment to the view and allows couples to reflect on the relationship differently. It allows couples to process emotions, re-evaluate their issues, and return with a fresh outlook. For instance, couples who have taken a break from each other often report feeling a renewed sense of appreciation when they come back into contact.

3. It’s Okay to Miss: 

Absence truly makes the heart grow fonder. Missing someone or something can be a sign of appreciation. Acknowledging this distance can deepen relationships, allowing for more meaningful moments when we are together. It can also be a reminder to be grateful for the things we have in our lives.

4. Introspect: 

Relationship breaks give you the opportunity to introspect. Without the distractions of a relationship, you have more time to focus on yourself. You can think deeply about what went wrong in the relationship and what you can do differently in the future. You can also take time to focus on your personal goals and figure out what you truly want from life. It will help you figure out who you want to be in the relationship.

5. Improves Communication: 

Taking time away from your partner can help you relax and clear your mind, enabling you to articulate your thoughts and feelings better when you reconnect.

Are you among those romantics who firmly believe in saving the best for the last and what is to do the final act solely on your marital bed? Or have the raging hormones gotten the better of you and you cannot wait to get into a physical relationship before marriage?

What is more imperative- the ingrained doctrines of society or the natural instincts of your body which are desperate to feel the passion and fulfilment of uniting with your beloved’s mind, body, and soul?

Yes, we do believe that girls or boys staying a virgin is a personal choice. But it is simply fair that you think and decides what you believe to be the finest course for you.

How does a physical relationship before marriage impact you both psychologically and physically and how and what are its ramifications in the context of your future partner? Is a physical relationship before marriage good or bad? Genuinely saying, there are both pros and cons to an intimate physical relationship prior to marriage in India.

And it is always best to get to know the pros and cons prior to you diving head-first into a physical relationship before marriage says marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo. In India, specifically, getting physically intimate before marriage is still looked down upon, compared to the western world. Also, pretty often we hear stories of women who are caught at this crossroads.

While every cell in their body is shouting to give in to the longing for physical intimacy, they still refrain as they feel guilty, confused, and fear that getting physically intimate may change their equation with their beloved. Here, India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares ways a physical relationship before marriage may affect your relationship.

Getting physically intimate makes the relationship stronger

Physical intimacy boosts emotional bonds. You see different sides to your partners in this very intimate act that you would not otherwise. How gentle or assertive they are, how much they care about their partner’s needs, how receptive they are to what brings them pleasure, and other factors.

In the act of making love, lovers bare everything to each other and share something that sets them apart from the others. Regular sessions of lovemaking help them to get to know each other better. Long chats post a fulfilling session are something that even therapists recommend to boost closeness. You are most vulnerable post sharing a physically intimate experience with your partner and wish to commit yourself to them, mind, body, and soul.

Is getting physically intimate before marriage ensures success?

It is not a given that the first session will be a total success. It takes some time and patience and practice to understand how to provide maximum pleasure to each other. This is usually, something that takes plenty of exploring. Lovemaking before marriage gives you an opportunity to share your adventures and fantasies and see if the two of you are somewhat on the same page.

This could be a smart way to eliminate mismatched intimacy drives and poor physical intimacy lives. Remember, getting physically intimate is incredibly important to plenty of people, and, for most couples, physical compatibility is necessary for a great marriage.

But then, there is also a possibility you may get cheated and your partner may decide not to marry you while making love prior to getting married. So, it may leave a bitter experience that is sometimes very difficult to overcome. Thus, success is unpredictable.

You might be giving everything that you have

One big advantage of having a physical relationship prior to your marriage is that, by nature, getting physically intimate, two people start as an upward curve that flattens into a plateau, and then goes for a downward slide. Unless the couple takes steps to make certain the zing stays alive.

A dead bedroom syndrome is a very real fear and it can falsely lead you to think that the two of you are not physically compatible with each other. Something that happens naturally could seem like a flaw in the relationship.

Because getting intimate has become boring you may move on to the next person and actually miss out on what could have been a great relationship.

If you are considering getting intimate before your marriage remember to discuss this curve with your partner and if possible also save a few tricks that you can experiment with at a later stage during your relationship.

You may get pregnant

This is not a motive to scare you, but even if you have taken all the precautions there are still possibilities that you could get accidentally pregnant. This might force the two of you to make choices whether you are not ready to make them. If you do wish to go ahead with the pregnancy and the marriage you could be quite well sitting with a bump on your marriage day which could be one of your worst fears.

Perhaps in most fearful situations, the man may not be ready for getting married or having a baby. If your family and his, firmly believe in the no-abortion principle you may see your career and life being cut short due to an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy.

You may not proceed further in a relationship

Every relationship does not end up in marriage. This is why getting into love making before marriage could land you in trouble, particularly in a society like ours. “Waiting until marriage” is a cultural phenomenon, if not for the many people in your generation, then the one above yours. Indian society is still in a phase of transition. Another thing to consider is whether your man is in a relationship with you simply because he loves you or because he just lusts for you.

Sometimes many men simply want a relationship is getting physically intimate. Make certain you understand what is going on in your relationship. There is nothing wrong if you wish the same too, but you should have your situation and priorities clear. Are you fine with a love-making act before your marriage, even if it does not end up in a marriage? If your answer is yes, then there is nothing to worry about.

Your partner might be satisfied with merely a relationship and may not wish it to go any further. Or you might feel you two are not physically compatible and take a call to call off the relationship. But this is for some perhaps better than having a frustrating married life.

So is it wrong or right to get physically intimate before your marriage? The answer completely depends on your choices and their consequences. It all depends on what you feel is right for you. If you are fine with being in a physical relationship before your marriage, then you may go for it, keeping in mind how much it impacts your relationship, it’s future of it, and other aspects of your life.

If you are thinking of forming a future with your present beau, then keep these points in your mind before moving forward with your partner. Here is some advice from top marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo couples could go for premarital counselling before marriage on other issues as well.  You can also book a session with couples therapist Shivani today.

Reveals Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo what defines intimacy between couples

According to The Oxford English Dictionary intimacy has been defined as the “inmost thoughts or feelings; proceeding from, concerning, or impacting one’s inmost self: closely personal.”

While couples therapist Shivani Sadhoo says, from a psychological or relationship’s view intimacy generally, denotes mutual vulnerability, openness, and sharing. It is mostly present in close, loving relationships like in marriages and friendships. The word is also at times used to refer to sexual interactions, but intimacy does not have to be restricted to be sexual only.

Though intimacy could undoubtedly exist beyond romantic relationships, it most usually pertains to dating and marriage. The word intimacy has been derived from Latin word “intimus,” which means ‘inner’ or ‘innermost. In the majority of romance languages, the word intimate refers to an individual’s innermost qualities.

Intimacy lets people bond with each other on multiple levels. Therefore, it is a mandatory component of healthy relationships.

Through this blog, India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo covers the different forms of intimacy and how you can make more of it in your relationship.

Types of intimacy that exists in a relationship

Upon hearing the word, most of you perhaps instantly jumped to thinking about physical intimacy, but other forms of intimacy are simply as important, particularly when it comes to romantic relationships. Let’s have a look at some different kinds of intimacy.

Physical intimacy

While holding a hand or hugging are both examples of physical intimacy, this form is most commonly used in reference to sex. And while sex is integral in relationships, you can also showcase physical intimacy through kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and skin-to-skin contact.

While these minor physical displays of affection might seem mundane, they can actually help you and your partner cultivate a feeling of bonding and closeness.

With reference to sex, a part of intimacy is also about feeling safe enough with your partner to share your likes and dislikes. Make certain that you are asking for the same piece of information from your partner. In this manner, you can facilitate a safe haven where both of you will feel comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts, needs, and desires.

Emotional

Emotional intimacy can also be one of the most vital aspects of a relationship. One specific journal defined emotional intimacy as involving “a perception of closeness to another that lets sharing of personal feelings, accompanied through expectations of understanding, affirmation, and demonstrations of caring.

To harvest emotional intimacy, take the proper time to listen to and share with your partner every day. Also, make notes of special moments or things that remind you of your special one so that you can let them know you are also thinking about them.

Studies have suggested that self-disclosure helps build feelings of intimacy inside marriages, which will make your bond even stronger. A big part of it is sharing your thoughts and feelings with transparency, honesty, and listening to your loved ones when they do the same.

Experiential

While couples do not have to be joined at the hip, shared experiences are essential in healthy relationships. They are also mostly the way that relationships start, so experiences could even add an aspect of nostalgia for long-term partners.

If you are looking to deepen your experiential intimacy, this is an excellent moment to book a trip or try out a fun new date spot or activity in your city. Try to learn something new with regard to your partner.

Intellectual

See, you do not have to watch a specific TV show together every single night, but it could be fun to have intellectual conversations with your significant other, mainly if you work in different fields. Find new topics to discuss; simple website searches pull up tons of conversation starters.

If you put good effort into having conversations beyond the everyday monotony, it will keep things fresh within your relationship.

Spiritual

While this could be referring to religious ideas and beliefs, it also means something way more profound, such as sharing actual beliefs and values. Your values and beliefs could align with religion or even general health and wellness. Regardless, it is necessary to share these vital aspects of your life with your partner.

This could also be an opportunity for you and your partner to talk about what role you exactly want spirituality to play in your lives if you have a family.

Methods to form intimacy

Not an issue of how long you two have been together, it is always important to develop your intimacy levels. Here are certain simple, practical methods to enhance and expand your levels of intimacy in your relationship:

• If you are not in the mood or are extremely exhausted from having sex or even talking, cuddle on the couch.
• Plan for a trip to a place neither of you has earlier been to. It is fun to experience new things for the first time.
• Keep aside the gadgets even if it is only during a meal or while you and your partner watch a show together. Rather, make certain to do this if your partner is talking to you about their day or a specific experience.
• While listening to your partner, make yourself completely emotionally present to them. If you at all cannot manage to do this when they are talking to you, calmly explain your case why and then set aside a specific time in the future to listen to what they have to say.
• Send each other articles so that both of you can have fun and something new to discuss. This also assists in building intellectual intimacy, and it could provide you a much-required mental break if you have kids, or a caregiver to another loved one in the extended family.

Related Blog Post on Intimacy and Relationship

Reasons a Tender Touch Cultivates and Leads Towards a Greater Intimacy

How to Deepen your Intimacy During Difficult Times

Keys to Rejuvenating Intimacy and Desire in a Long-Term Relationship

The relationships with other people need to be healthy for mental and emotional wellbeing which is most important for our happiness and survival. Partners, are those who can support, communicate, listen, and encourage each other emotionally and practically have less stress in their relationship. And they are definitely having a healthier relationship.

Communication Problem

Every relationship has ups and downs whereas successful couples have learned, how to come out or manage any kind of difficult situation nicely. According to the blog by counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, “The root cause of any relationship facing problem is due to poor communication.”

Some Surveys for Divorce

More than 37% of couples blame their partner for their marriage ending 6% blame themselves.

While 74% of couples reported that they work hard to keep their marriage protected.

Causes and Consequence

Majorly some of the reasons for relationship troubles between partners are money, lack of commitment, and communication issues.

Willing Couples Can Solve Their Disputes Easily

Thanks to Shivani Misri Sadhoo – who is India’s leading Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert,  now you can avail her services regarding marital counseling online where she can help you to get your married life back on track, solve disputes and family issues, in a constructive manner.

Does Online Couples Counseling Work?

Research and studies indicate that couples who engage in online relationship counselling with a qualified therapist see an improvement in their overall relationships. All couples go through torrid patches, but when the tough times fail to improve, certain things can aid the partners to get back on the same page. In fact, it can be more effective when one compares it with in-person or face-to-face counselling because it lets the counselor notice how you are behaving with your partner while at home when compared to an office-based counseling session.

What Can One Expect in Online Couples Counseling?

During the starting sessions of counselling, you will meet with your therapist online. You won’t have to jump into the problems that you as a couple are having. First, the marriage counselor will get to know each of you. They will find out your individual personalities and how you come together as a couple.

Before understanding the difficulties that you two are having, the couples counsellor requires an understanding of who you are and what you bring to this relationship. Post an initial couple of sessions, your couples counsellor will discuss the admissible issues in your relationship. Then your therapist will figure out a plan as to how to navigate through the roadblocks.

Advantages of Online Couple Therapy

·         It is more affordable for couples where it saves your time and gives you privacy.

·         Very comfortable for group sessions.

·         Easily Accessible.

·         It is most useful for long-distance partners.

·         Get your documents online.

More Features

At the time of online sessions of counseling, all the records for the therapy remains confidential and secured. No one can see or access your documents or things that you have discussed if you want. It keeps your identity completely safe.

What to Expect in an Online Couples Therapy:

Most of couples are seeking for marriage counseling and therapists to resolve their major issues and to understand the cause of their conflict in the family.

·         Get to the root of the problems.

·         Develop goals and a timeline.

·         Learn new skills to improve relationships.

·         Homework outside of sessions.

·         Limit your weakness or vulnerability.

·         Work with a qualified couples counselor.

Other Benefits of Online Couple Counseling

·         A qualified counselor’s advice.

·         Structural planning to achieve goals.

·         Learn the techniques to improve the relationship.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Psychology says manipulation is directly influencing someone’s beliefs, desires, or emotions, such that a person falls short of ideals for belief, desire, or emotion in ways typically not in his/her self-interest or likely not as per the situation in the current context.”

Manipulation is an art or perhaps even a pseudo-science, may be a dark science to an extent. History is replete with examples of manipulation.

Is it good or bad?

Thanks to the digital connectivity sharing information is a cakewalk in today’s fast-paced life. But this same connectivity also helps in manipulating the public perception of reality through ‘fake news’. But manipulation can be positive or negative depending upon whether it takes the form of persuasion or coercion.

Persuasion is about getting people to do things they want to do whereas Coercion is about getting people to do things they don’t want to do. Inspiring or encouraging a person to do something that can be beneficial for him if he is afraid of doing is called good manipulation.

While using somebody for your own self motives with primary means to hurt that individual whom one is using is bad manipulation.

Positive manipulation motivates employees to achieve their goals thereby improving organizational performance.

Using negative manipulation, manipulator twist words, play on emotions and manage a situation in a sneaky fashion to get what he wants. This kills the confidence of the person being manipulated.

What goes on in the mind of a manipulator? Psychological reasons behind the manipulation.

Delhi’s Top Psychologist and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells us the reasons behind the manipulation. They are as follows:

Narcissistic Mentality: Manipulators usually suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder which is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and the deep need for admiration. They consider that they are better than others. They are not concerned about how others feel. Individuals with narcissistic personality (NPD) may find it difficult to form close relationships. So, they may resort to manipulation to maintain a good relationship with their partners.

It’s In Their Family: Sometimes manipulators have a difficult childhood wherein they are deprived of love and affection, status and privilege from their family members. Sometimes they struggle for economic and social survival. This is what turns them into manipulators.

It’s In Their Genes: Manipulative behavior can be hereditary too.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): BPD might help manipulators to satisfy their emotional needs or for obtaining validation. This happens because such manipulators feel insecure or abandoned.

Give Me Power: Manipulators love the feeling of being powerful. They love to control people and situations. They want to be the king and be in charge of everything.

Lack Of Consciousness: This is another reason for being manipulative. They believe that the only way to achieve their goal in this ‘unsafe world’ is by manipulation.)

Last but not least, whatever the psychology behind manipulation is, manipulators can change for the better. They just need the right guidance for that to overcome that negative trait which becomes a part of their life.

Here are a few stress busters for children and teenagers!

A teenage child suddenly stops attending school, despite being a good student. When asked, she would simply slam the door and lock oneself in for hours. After a few days, the child finally told his parents about being bullied at school. The child was under severe mental stress so much so that the kid even tried committing suicide.

Every individual has some trouble, but when you worry it becomes double! Hence, don’t worry, be happy!

Currently, India ranks the highest in the world in terms of the suicide rate for the youth between the age groups of 15 and 29. About 9 out of 10 Indians suffer from stress.

What is stress?

In today’s fast-paced world, where one has no time to stand and stare, the word ‘stress’ needs no formal introduction. However, in simple words, stress is your body’s way of responding to any kind of demand or threat. For instance, when you sense danger, be it real or imaginary—the body’s defense system kicks into high gear in a rapid, automatic process called the “fight-or-flight” reaction or the “stress response.”  

What causes stress?

Stress occurs from the tension between an individual’s reaction to hard times or challenges and his or her ability to handle and resolve the stressful situation. These situations and pressures that cause stress are called Stressors. Stressors can be either physiological (or physical) stressors or psychological stressors.

Physiological (or physical) stressors put a strain on our body i.e. very cold/hot temperatures, injury, chronic illness, or pain.

Psychological Stressors are events, situations, individuals, comments, or anything you interpret as negative or threatening. For e.g. unable to secure good grades at exams or being bullied at school or relationship crisis.

Good stress and bad stress

Psychology says the pressure of exhilarating, creative successful act is beneficial while that of failure, humiliation, and infection is detrimental.

Good stress motivates and keeps you on your toes during an important presentation at school or college, increases your concentration level and even drives you to study for an exam when you’d rather be watching TV. Athletes even break the world records under stress.

Bad stress is when stress stops being good and helpful and starts affecting your physical, psychological and social health and reduces your productivity and creativity.

How To Distress? / A Few Effective Stress-Busters/Ways of Beating The Stress

The best way to relieve stress is to learn the skill of managing it. Here Delhi’s Top Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about the various ways/tips and tricks of beating/ handling stress in children and teenagers.

Eat Right:

You are what you eat. Junk food not only hampers a child’s physical growth but also affects their brain development. So, say NO to junk food and YES to healthy food like fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, a variety of protein foods, and low-fat dairy products. Eat a balanced meal for a healthy body and a healthy mind.  

Think Positive:

Learn to be optimistic! Train your brain for more positive self-talk. Think ‘I CAN’ rather than ‘I CANNOT’.

Listen To Music:

Music can be a great healer for relieving stress. It acts as a medicine for your stressed mind.

Exercise Daily:

Exercise pumps up your brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters, called endorphins and is a great stress buster.

Empathize/ Sharing And Caring:

Parents must try to put themselves in their kid’s shoes and understand their point of view. This is called cognitive empathy. After all, sharing is caring! Listen to your child and help him or her to deal with the daily stress and strain of life.

Rest Is Must:

As per the National Sleep Foundation, teens must get 8-10 hours of sleep daily. This helps to regulate hormones, consolidate memory, solidify learning, and restore energy.

Reduce Screen Time:

Teenagers who spend seven hours or more a day on screens (excluding schoolwork) are more prone to stress and anxiety, are less emotionally stable compared to those who spend just one hour a day on screens (excluding schoolwork).

Meditation:

Meditation helps teens and children to deal with peer pressure, to be more focussed, be more confident and thus acts as a great stress buster.

A few women feel a real man do not exist, that he is impossible to get. Some women do not want somebody like him. On the other hand, many men think they are the best definition of a real man.

While some men feel there is no such thing. One thing is sure, though, those men who think they are the actual definition of a real man and those who believe they are not very often wrong.

If you want to know that you are a real man or are in a relationship with a real man, look out the actions. A real man behaves very differently from the selfish boy types you get to everywhere that you cannot fail to notice the difference.

He is a complete gentleman, good for more than just the first initial months. Essentially, a real man does things so nicely when he is into a relationship that one just has to love him and his style.

Delhi’s Top Marriage Counsellor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this article talks about the things a real man does when he is into a relationship.

He Loves And Respects His Woman For What She Is

He may not love her all the time, but he loves her. Not only her body, her possessions, and her status, but entre of her. He knows that as beautiful as her body is at present, physical beauty fades. Thus, he focuses his love and attention on her true beauty, which is found inside her sensibilities and personality. He treats her like a lady, with great dignity and respect. He never minds cooking her favorite food, taking her out to dinner and paying the bills. He also expects love and respect from her.

Commits To The Relationship Completely

He never cheats. He is loyal to his partner and understands that relationships take hard work to keep it strong and healthy. His affection for his woman is a full-time commitment. He nourishes and boosts the relationship through ongoing, honest interaction and teamwork. When you are with a real man, you know you can trust the man. He will stay faithful does not matter what and expects you to do the same.

Protects His Woman Physically And Emotionally

It is not that a woman cannot protect and defend herself, but he is there for her anyways. He protects her in several ways, including providing financial security and comforting her and making her feel that things will be okay. He is ready to throw a good punch if required to defend her from physical aggressors. However, he thinks before he acts. He never makes a move until he is sure about all details and specifics are in order. His moves are analytic, deliberate and certain. Relationship violence of any kind is not an issue when you are with him. He is considerate and treats everybody kindly.

He Fulfils His Partner Mentally And Sexually

He knows that most of the time in any relationship is spent doing non-physical, non-sexual things. Apart from whispering to her how beautiful she is or how he is going to make passionate love to her when he gets back home during the evening, he also engages his partner in meaningful discussions about life plan with her, and cracks joke to ease up and liven moments together. He shows awareness, intelligence, and sensitivity that makes his acts not only timely but also genuinely charming.

He Takes Responsibility For Each Actions And Decisions

He does not put blame on his partner or try to defend his mistakes. He acknowledges when he has committed a mistake apologizes for it, learns from it and acts to make it right. Apologizing is not an issue with him. He knows it does not make him any less of himself to say it. In fact, apologizing makes him more of a man because it shows he has the confidence, courage, and integrity to admit his faults and looks to correct them.

He Always Speaks His Mind

He is not afraid or worried to say what is on his mind. He will say no without any fear whenever he does not agree with something. He will debate with you on topics he is not comfortable with without losing his temper. He will be honest and talk to you like an equal, then allow you to have your own conclusions or take whatever action you may want. This does not mean he is indifferent or treats his partner badly. He simply does not agree with her on everything. He understands a Yes-man is no man at all.

He Stands Up For His Relationship

At times friends, family and even strangers ask inappropriate things or make improper remarks about your relationship, like saying you are not a good couple. In those cases, a real man stands up for himself and his partner and defends the legitimacy and integrity of the relationship. Even when they are his peers, he speaks up and stands his ground to protect his relationship. This says he can express himself in the presence of others, protect his woman and act as an authoritative man.