Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Every couple fight and have an argument, but not every fight has to be the finish of a relationship.

It’s inevitable that couples will argue and fight in a relationship is completely normal and expected.

Arguments happen in every relationship, even in the best ones, but how you argue is that matters.

In long-lasting, happy, and healthy relationships, both partners can use certain strategies to fight properly so they can disagree or express dissatisfaction or even get actually mad without hurting each other.

If your arguments or fights makes you or your partner feeling emotionally battered, bad about yourself, misunderstood, or resentful, then the way you are fighting could hurt your chances of staying together.

In this article, Shivani Misri Sadhoo who is Delhi’s best Marriage Counsellor talks about 5 essential do’s and don’ts for having productive arguments (and a long, happy relationship).

Phrase Your Dissatisfaction As A Complaint Not As A Contempt Or Criticism

When you make a complaint, you describe a certain behavior that you did not like, what you thought it meant, and how it made you feel. Then, you tell what you wish they would do instead.

It is not an assassination of character or an accusation. A complaint paves a way for a conversation about something that disturbed you. It leaves scope for the possibility that your interpretation was wrong and lets the other person clarify what they intended.

Here is an example when complaining: When you looked away from me while I was narrating you a story, I felt like you were not interested, and you thought I was irritating. I wish you had not suddenly look away and done other things while I am talking to you.

The receiver of these words could feel like their attention and opinions are essential.

Now an example of a criticism: You are so irritating when you turn away while I am talking.

Calling your partner irritating is a character assassination because it is not talking about the behavior, it is talking about the person.

Example of contempt: I am tired to death of trying to communicate with you when you keep looking here and there. It is useless. The receiver of this sentence could feel hated, not valued.

Stick To Single, Specific Incident

Never bring in other similar past incidents as evidence of a character flaw or shortcoming. That is not a way of resolving a problem.

Rather, when you are arguing, try to restrict the discussion to just one specific incident. It is more likely to end well because the receiver of the complaint will still feel generally valued and not like he/she has been accused of having a fatal, repeating flaw.

Begin With Hearing And Validating, When Receiving A Complaint

Always begin with at least one compassionate sentence when receiving a complaint. An angry person requires their point to be heard before they can listen.

A successful plan is to show that you understand what the angry person is saying by repeating and validating what they told. You will be surprised how much it actually defuses anger and calms people down.

It does not mean that you agree that their interpretation is right. You still have the right to disagree with your partner’s point of view and present yourself fairly. But, if you want your story to listen as well, then show them you are listening first.

Do Not Criticize Or Demonstrate Contempt

Criticism and contempt are both a form of character assassinations. Criticism is milder, contempt is more hateful. Either of these communicates dislike, disrespect, and is a guaranteed descent into a damaging fight.

If you phrase something as criticism or contempt, it obviously elicits defensiveness or retaliation from your partner. And there is no rerouting that conversation could go in a positive direction.

Do Not Mock Or Impersonate Your Partner Sarcastically

Never ever do this. It absolutely never has a good outcome. And it will make you seem like the bad guy.

Though it may appear like venting off some steam or might seem good to you, it feels extremely disrespectful, ridiculing, and hurtful to your partner.

Mocking or sarcastically impersonating your partner in distress is considered to be the kind of contempt that is a huge predictor of a breakup.

Almost every individual is guilty of having some expectations or others in relationships. It is natural. What you do not want is to keep those expectations to yourself, because you will only set yourself ready for disappointment. After all, if your partner does not know what your wants and needs are, how can it be fulfilled by them?

In this article, Delhi’s best Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about steps to deal with expectations in relationships.

Claim It

First, take over complete responsibility for your own happiness. Understand that people cannot fulfill your life and make you happy. Irrespective of your dreams or excitement about your upcoming marriage, your would-be spouse is not responsible for making you happy or your honeymoon a hit according to your criteria.

Feel

Understand the feelings linked with unmet expectations, emotions like disappointment, frustration, hurt, and fear. How can you know if you have an unmet expectation? Disappointment. Whenever you feel disappointment in your relationship, then most likely some expectation has not been met. When expectations are met, partners feel satisfied, happy, gratified, fulfilled, contented, respected, cared for and loved. On the other hand, when expectations are not fulfilled or are in conflict, other less-pleasant emotions emerge. These feelings are a sign that expectations are not meshing. It is vital to understand what you are feeling, validate the feeling, and then loo to uncover the expectation on which it is based. In a few cases, your partner would not even know of the expectation; in fact, the only sign of its existence is its emotional effect.

Identify Them

Once you are aware of the feelings linked with unfulfilled expectations, then you can get the awareness required to make the needed adjustment. Awareness answers questions such as What was I expecting must happen? What I was wishing or hoping would take place?

What were my pre-assumptions about my partner and his or her behavior? Push yourself to have a hard look at your expectations. The logic of these questions is to think whether the answers to the questions are practical, productive, and workable. It is not that they are true or false, or correct or incorrect; rather, the answers are preferences, likes, or disbeliefs. The idea here is to help you to identify the misinterpretation, enabling you to alter your way of thinking.

Understand

From where are the expectations are coming? Do they have their origins in dreams, wishes, assumptions, hopes, standards, past relationships, your family of origin, culture, television or somewhere else?

Evaluate

Are your expectations valid or invalid? Challenge your expectations amongst yourself. Evaluation means that you decide if the expectations seem to be supported by purposeful reality.

Express

Keep in mind, that the ultimate aim of expectations is to make them clear. In simple words, make your unspoken desires spoken. Express your expectations with clarity. Sharing your expectations lets you define a mutual vision of how you want your future marriage to be. The best thing is that when you express your expectations, you let your partner decide if he or she can satisfy that requirement. He or she gets the chance to decide if the expectation can be met most of the time, sometimes, or never.

Irrespective of race, religion, size, shape or age, long term couples everywhere suffer from the same problem, called monotony. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why divorce rates are increasing, and many people are justifying their acts and blame each other.

Every story is unique, and everybody is free to their own logic for leaving. However, there is no doubt that boredom and the irrepressible baggage of tedium has a role to play in some relationships falling apart.

The entire point of being in love and dedicating your life to someone is being under the impact that you will spend a lifetime of love, laughter, joy, and companionship together. What happens when you get up one day and realize that your ideals are replaced by endless continuity, repetition, and boring monotony? This is when you begin getting resentful, angry, and ready to pack up and leave.

What many couples do not understand is that monotony in a relationship can be easily put off if both parties invest in making a change.

In this article, Delhi’s top Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services Shivani Misri Sadhoo is sharing tips to throw the monotony out of your relationship.

Travel Together

Want to feel refreshed and inspired again, not only in your relationship but in life? Then travel. There is no better method to get the monotony out of your relationship than by traveling along with your partner.

When you move up and leave the cozy confines of your daily life, you end up doing things that you never imagined you would. You end up seeing stuff that is extraordinarily new. You will taste, feel, and hear much more than what an ordinary life can offer.

Select a destination, and plant out the logistics on how to get there. Do not make excuses, do not assume, and just do it. Remember that nothing can infringe all over monotony the way traveling can.

Indulge In Sexual Surprises

Several couples fall into the trap of routine love making. Whether it is doing it on only on weekends, doing the thing before 10:00 PM every night, or only doing it for the sake of doing it, it is a pathetic thought indeed, once you come to the understanding that your once high sex drive has fizzled out into a slow-burning candle, and all that is left is boredom.

Spice it up by changing up the routine. Do it at different times. Let your intimacy take over, feed to its whims and fancies, and feel that there’s no proper place or time to get it on.

Do Something New Every Week

One more way to rid your relationship of monotony is to assign yourselves to do something new as a couple every week. It might be renting a motorbike and going for a spin around the town. It could be watching a movie or doing sports activities.

No matter what you end up doing, ensure that it is something new, and your partner is 100% involved. The more challenging the task, the better it is.

Do A Project Together

You can also throw monotony to the dead-end by signing up for a course or taking on a project together. It does not have to be something big like building a homeless shelter, but go right away, and indulge in it if that excites you.

It could be something simple like joining a cooking class or learning music together. No matter what, the feeling of starting something new and reaching an end goal together will be certain to keep things fresh and exciting.

Welcome New Life Into Your Old One

One the reason perhaps why things seem so monotonous is because the 2 of you simply are not enough. Have you ever thought about welcoming a third party into your life? It is about welcoming a pet or even a child into your lives.

Remember never do this to save your relationship because it will not help one bit. Do it only if both of you feel that being a team of 2 simply is not sufficient. Whether you decide to welcome a child into the world, adopt a pet, or grow plants, it is truly an amazing thing when you decide to share the love, grow your family, and create a life together.

If not everything but physical intimacy is an important part of marriage for a woman. These days, though, plenty of married women see sex as a discounted duty.

First of all, let’s address why not having sex in a marriage is a concern.

Marriage is more than a contract it’s a pledge. This means it’s not only a legally binding act, but it is also a complete personal act: emotional, mental, spiritual, physical and sexual. Therefore, all these components go into the relationship. Physical intimacy is an integral component. A marriage without sex is incomplete and robs both partners of all nature has to offer.

Intimacy between a husband and wife is special. It’s that one needs that only one other person gets to meet. And it is bought by a ring and a vow. This means that when a partner refuses sex they are giving an ultimate no as there should not be other alternatives available. Each intimate sexual experience where both people give themselves and to their spouse renews and refreshes that connection. The aim here is addressing when wives turn away from sex within a marriage This is a painful way of rejection in a society which judges women’s worth based on their appearance and shame for men who are not as sexually driven as some other men.

In this article, one of India’s best Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services, Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about reasons many married women lose interest in physical intimacy.

It Seems Optional

Women tend to be overwhelmingly busy in today’s society. Many of you work, manage finances, raise children, do exercise, shopping, cleaning, care for extended family, travel for work. Thus, become exhausted by day’s end that there’s little left of you– emotionally, mentally, physically or sexually. And husbands are often left to themselves. There are just so many demands that sex, since it looks optional, often slips down the ladder of priorities. Several wives don’t see sex as vital to a marriage.

Exhausted Out

Several young wives complain that they are completely sexed out. They had so much sex in their teens and twenties that they don’t want or need it now. And in the context of sex as just a physical act, that can make sense. But in marriage, it is not designed to be merely physical.  If you’re not in a committed relationship, and if you use protection, you can sleep with anyone, whenever. For this to be real, people learn to separate the emotional and spiritual side of their physical needs, leaving just the physical. This makes a dilemma for the marriages that often takes place years later. Healthy sex in a marriage asks physical, sexual and emotional vulnerability. Once a person turns off the emotions of getting physical, it’s difficult to turn it back on.

Resentment

Many women crave tenderness, help and time with their partner, and don’t get it. So when the husband turns up for the first time at day’s end wanting sex, the wife remembers all that he has not done for her of late.

Selfishness

Most people are self-centric. If you don’t want to, you won’t. If you don’t feel like it, then you don’t. In a successful marriage, there’s no space for selfishness. Women who experience their partner being selfish looks to become self-protective. And when one partner demands and does not give, it can become manipulative and abusive. Self-protective partners withdraw and withhold. Generally, it begins with emotional detachment, then at the intimacy level. Selfishness belittles, separates and ultimately divides a relationship. Relationships collapse when one or both of the partner is selfish.

Body

Many women do not always feel pretty, and that can get in the way of being getting physically intimate. A woman’s body along with her mind and emotions goes through a cycle of changes in a lifetime. Pregnancy, loss, stress, hormones can all change skin and weight. Women who see themselves as only how they appear mostly have difficulty offering their bodies sexually to their husbands. Also, there is a common myth in our culture that sex after a specific age is seen as not as fulfilling, especially as women deal with changes to their bodies and sexual response cycle following menopause.

Why Physical Intimacy In Marriage Is Worth It

It is designed for marriage, and marriage is designed to get physical love. It is something Nature created to put life and pleasure into a marriage. In a safe, developing relationship it’s not an obligation to perform, but a purposeful, intentional desire to grow closer to each other.

It is a complete drag to feel like you are taken for granted. Sadly, this happens far too often, particularly in relationships. One of the partners just naturally begins to overlook what the other contributes. It is easy to ignore how someone else impacts your character and overall success. But it’s absolutely a dishonest and foolish thing to do.

Though it’s not exactly rocket science, the expert clues are a perfect set of jumping-off points for some introspection on your partnership. If any or entire strike a familiar chord, it could be time for a serious chat.

In this article, Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services Shivani Misri Sadhoo tell here are the possible signs your partner is taking you for granted.

They Do Not Seek Your Advice

It is natural to seek advice from those who you love and care about. Someone who values your true importance in their life will be certain to seek your input before making any major decisions. Failing to do so is a sign that a person has started ignoring your influence, thereby taking you and your perspective for granted.

They Only Text When They Want Something

If your partner is only texting you sparingly especially when they want something. This is a sign you are being taken for granted. While this might be a good method of communication for casual relationships, it’s completely inappropriate for a committed one. More like a booty call, the messenger is hoping you to respond on their time, not taking into consideration your own.

They Stop Grooming

Certainly, the honeymoon might be over, but this is no excuse to ignore the physical component of your relationship. If your partner gets lazy in the grooming department but still expects sex, it means you are being taken for granted.  Remind them that it’s till death not till you look like death.

They Put Their Work Before You

If your partner is more focussed on their job than to their relationship with you, you are being taken you granted. While a relationship cannot always take a superior position over the demands of the workforce, they should at least be trying to create a balance between the two.

They Cut Conversation Short

If your partner walks away or has to get off the phone immediately when you are talking to them, it shows you are taken for granted. When someone really values the other person’s feelings, they ensure not to continually cut conversations short, leaving the other feeling unloved or unwanted. At the very least, they will call back later to finish up the talk.

They Do Not Listen When You Share

If they stop listening whenever you share your deepest feelings. It is another sign. After all, it is only in a committed relationship where one gets to hear such inner thoughts. There’s simply no excuse being so inattentive.

They Take Advantage Of Your Free Time

If your partner knows your schedule and begins scheduling repairs, deliveries, and appointments. during your free time, chances are sharp that they are taking you for granted. After all, free time is a precious, limited thing, and household errands must be split evenly amongst the 2 of you. If your partner starts piling it all on you, it is an indication they have ceased giving your desires the acceptance they deserve. 

Though dating apps seem to be the way many amongst you might have to meet your partners, it’s definitely not the only way. Before dating apps, plenty of people met through more old-fashioned ways through friends and often while working in the same office. In fact, in spite of the advent of dating apps, meeting people at work is still a popular way of finding a spouse.

It makes better sense, of course. You spend more time with your colleagues than you do with your friends or relatives. You automatically get something in common with them and complaining about colleagues, bosses, and appraisals can be an immediate bonding experience particularly when paired with after-work meetings. There’s only one problem, only. If you meet your partner at work then you will work with your partner. Unless one of you changes jobs, your personal life and your professional life are now deeply interconnected. This means things can get complicated.

“You’re married and you work together. It could be a great experience or a miserable one. How it works is really a function of several factors, including the nature of your jobs, the size of the organization, how frequently you meet or interact during the day, your roles at the workplace, your schedules, your duties at work and at home, and your overall compatibility with each other in a work environment.

In this article, renowned Relationship Expert and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about things to bear in mind if you work with your spouse.

Ensure Both Of You Follow Professional Protocols

While there is a common myth that says that people working in the same organization are not allowed to date, this is not necessarily true. You may need to talk to your HR and let them know you are in a relationship. And a specific relationship dynamic between an immediate boss and subordinate, for instance—may or may not be allowed. But usually inter-company relationships, particularly between separate departments, is fine. But ensure everyone is aware of the relationship. This is a vital, often missed point. Working in a surrounding where your marriage is a secret is a recipe for disaster, rumors, and speculation. If you are working in an atmosphere that prohibits co-workers from being married, you are working in a lie, and it will have big implications for your job and career. Thus, it needs to be out in the open. Your employer needs to know, so do your co-workers.

Set Some Limits

One way to help things run smoothly is to set rules as quickly as you can. Decide how you want to handle various situations, right from the word go. One needs to figure out some basic questions. “How do you want to interact at work? Does the work culture bother with spouses working together? Do you need to keep a professional distance at work? What do you each want in terms of lunch breaks, and socializing? How do you want to handle domestic disagreements while at work? Generally, setting boundaries that keep home-related problems separate and bloc retribution at work for home-related issues are the most effective way. Dealing with this sooner can save you from problems later.

Limit Office Related Talk At Home

Complaining and discussing work can be exhausting. There’s something delightfully indulgent about cribbing about every annoying thing that happened during the day or about that one co-worker who drives you both insane. But here’s the catch, it could run away with you. It’s not healthy, and it can easily consume your important relationship time. Normally a time restriction and some boundaries about what is discussed and how much is discussed about work while at home is good. A little vent and some support could be useful, but if it’s beginning to bleed into crucial couple-time, then decide to call it quits.

Be Aware Of The Competition

When both of you work for the same company, comparisons cannot be avoided. It’s definitely true if you work in the same department or role, but even if one of you works in operations and the other in HR, there are still ladders to climb your way up and raises to be had or missed out on, so things can quickly become competitive. Make sure that if you feel that feeling growing, you talk to your partner. It could be that you need to talk less about work usually or that you need to address particular issues, like if you feel your partner does not enjoy your success, or if you feel like they do not support your career. If you feel any kind of flicker of jealousy or competition from either of you, ensure to manage it right away before it gets vulnerable.

Know That Something Or Someone May Have To Give

Finally, when many couples work happily together, it does not always work out. Be ready to accept that working together might not work. Be honest with each other about how it is happening, and remember that your marriage and relationship must be more important to both of you than your profession.

When you work with your partner, you need to be more vigilant and more alert, so make sure you are touching base and making sure you are both happy and content with the current setup. 

You mostly tend to strive for the honeymoon phase in relationships, where everything is like fantasy and full of wonders and you just cannot get enough of your partner. And though that phase can feel as pleasurable as you make it out to be, it’s also exactly what you call it a phase.

No relationship will be sunshine and rainbows every day of your life. A relationship is built up of at least 2 people and those people have individual requirements, and at times those needs include being alone. But how accurately do you know if you require space from your partner?

If you cannot make it an hour or two without checking in or asking a question to your partner, you need a break.

It’s completely fine to need space in a relationship. You could be an introvert that needs alone time to rest or you may just like spending time by yourself every once in a while. Needing some time apart does not mean you do not love your partner. It only means you need time to take care of yourself and recharge.

In this article, Delhi’s top Relationship Expert, Marriage Counselor and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services talk about the signs you need space in your relationship.

You Are Always Bickering With Each Other

If you are continuously arguing over minor things, it could be time to take a break. Sometimes simply changing the pattern of spending so much time together can stop the cycle of bickering.

Try spending a day or weekend apart with your other loved ones. It’s good for the relationship and good for the bickering that is a sign that you need a break.

You Do Not Do Anything Without Telling Your Partner

If you are feeling like you cannot even go buy groceries without giving your partner a heads-up, it is perhaps a sign you need some space. A big sign you require space in a relationship is when you are co-dependent and cannot do anything without letting your partner know or getting your partner’s nod.

Begin out small by taking a break from calling, messaging or emailing each other. Chances are you are trying the above things multiple times. Don’t. Wait until you see each other in person at a given time of the day. Sometimes the 8-hour workday apart is sufficient. Other times you may need more.

The Quirks Are No Longer Quirky

If all the cute and mushy little things your partner does is no cuter to you, then it might be a good idea to spend some time alone. This is a sign you require some space from your partner is if “how they dress, or they talk. If every little thing is bothering you, it’s certain time for a break.

Spending Time Together Is Not As Fun As It Was Once

If you are not having fun in your relationship, some alone time could be necessary. If you are feeling drained after spending time together, again it’s time for some time apart. You likely require some space if your relationship is going through a torrid phase and it feels like every interaction results in a really hard and painful discussion. Being together should not be difficult, but when being together isn’t smooth-sailing, a small-time away from each other may be exactly what you and your partner need.

You Feel Stressed Out

If anything is stressing you out, it could be a good idea to spend some time alone.  Even if the stressor is not coming from your relationship. At times underlying stress or tension can make staying together feel like friction. Thus, it is helpful to check in with yourself and think about whether it is coming from outer stressors like work or family, or if there is something you are wanting in the relationship but not necessarily having.

You Do Not Feel Like Yourself

Needing alone time is never a bad idea. A major sign that you need some time away from your partner is if you’re feeling fatigued, irritable, or simply not yourself. Your spouse will understand if you need some time to take care of yourself and your mental health. “Make this a consistent part of your life so that you can have a good balance of time alone and time with your loved ones.

Needing space from your partner does not mean there is anything ridiculously wrong with your relationship. It’s always fine to give some time to yourself in order to rest, compose, and spend time with other people those you love.   

You have told a woman you like her, but she said stay back because you cannot be a part of her life or cannot be trusted. It hurts. Or maybe your girl says she loves you but will check where you are and whom you are with every possible time and she does not believe the details you share with her, so she spies on you!

It is pretty normal for a woman who has been cheated on in her past relationships to have hard times trusting men again. And, if you are presently in a relationship and your girlfriend has seen you lying numerous times, you cannot blame her for doubting you to be doing something wrong behind her back. And it won’t be easy winning her complete trust again.

In this article, the top Relationship Expert and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares things men must do to earn a woman’s trust.

Begin With Friendship

Friendship is the core base of a relationship. Through a genuine friendship, you can let the girl know who you really are without any pressure and vice versa. It may be a slower process, but it is a lot better than starting with a date immediately.

Be Real In Front Of Her

Being true to your own self before the woman you like will make it simpler for her to trust you because of she gets to learn who you are and who you are not. Pretending to be someone else could impress her in the starting, but sooner or later she will find out your true colors and that will make her feel deceived.

Make Your Intentions Clear To Her

If you want to date a girl, you need to make your intentions pretty clear. Is it because you like her and you want to know her better. Or are you just bored and only want to have fun This will help her set limitations for your relationship and avoid disappointments as well.

Be Consistent With How You Treat Her

Men are mostly good at making girls feel special during the dating stage, but once they go steady after sometimes of being together, their treatment towards them turn sour. When a girl feels that her boyfriend has changed towards her, she cannot help think he has found someone else. Therefore, ensure that you remain polite and affectionate to your girl all throughout your relationship.

Never Break Promises

Never make a promise that you cannot keep. Once you have broken a promise, the woman you promised to will be disappointed and will believe you are a liar. It will be difficult for her to trust you again, so think twice before you vow to do something.

Be The First One To Let Her Know

If you are trapped in a situation where you know it would enrage your girl, like you ran into your ex in a shop and got trapped for an hour in it, do not try to hide what happened. Instead, tell her instantly before anyone else does. If she gets to know it from another source, she would feel you are hiding things from her.

Be Open To Her

Openness is an important factor in a healthy relationship because you can sincerely tell each other how you feel. It is not a great sign if you cannot trust each other with your thoughts. If you really want your girlfriend to be honest with you, make the first attempt by opening up your feelings and secrets to her.

Show That You Trust Her

Trust creates trust. You cannot expect trust from a woman if you don’t trust her yourself. This is why make her feel that you fully trust her. Do not check her phone every time you see her or get bothered with her male friends easily.

Be Patient

Do not be impatient while trying to get a woman’s trust, particularly if it was your fault why you lost it. It takes time to create trust. Therefore, just be consistent and loyal to her all the time. Don’t ever pressure her to trust you because it would be difficult for her.

Be Trustworthy

Trust is fragile. It is not easy to gain, but it can be broken in just a moment. Therefore, instead of focusing on getting a woman’s trust, look to build integrity for yourself. This way, you can be trustworthy to anyone, and it will not be that difficult to get anyone to believe in you.

Relationships, no matter how new or old, is one of the most beautiful parts of your life. When you are in love with your partner, it seems as if everything around you is non-existent and that anything could be conquered simply through love.

Although that may be true when you mix in specific relationship behaviors, things can become turbulent between you two and in turn, might make things to get vulnerable very quickly. What’s even worse is when you know the behaviors you have exhibited or encountered are unhealthy, but you simply choose to ignore them. In this article, Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about things that pushes your partner away from you.

Using Silent Treatment

Although going silent after a heated discussion with your partner may seem like the best response, but this is a behavior that you should eliminate.

Silent treatment damages relationships and leads to less relationship satisfaction. Avoid this damage inflicting treatment and instead communicate openly and honestly with your partner

Communication does not mean confrontation. Opening up dialogue can assist you to get to the root of your problem and solve it efficiently.

Assuming Your Partner Knows Everything

Another behavior that couples must stop is thinking that their partner knows everything without you telling them.

Your partner cannot read your mind or know your needs unless you express them. It is not fair to assume that your partner should be able to determine your every desire if you don’t tell them. Many people are not good at reading minds. In good relationships, partners are honest and decisive about expressing their needs, and their partners are the same way.

A good partner will not think you are nagging simply because you are expressing what you need from your partner and telling them how you feel.

Being Passive Aggressive

Keeping your feelings to yourself will seem easier than expressing them while you are in a relationship, but in reality, doing so could really hurt your relationship.

Almost everybody is familiar with the situation when there is some problem and one partner asks the other if they are upset and the partner says, I am OK, but things are most certainly not fine. If you are upset, the best way to do is to say so. You probably want to come off as non-confrontational, but ultimately that will not do you or your relationship good. When you bottle up your emotions you can begin to develop resentments towards your partner.

Those can intensify and result in a huge disaster that could have been avoided if you just addressed the concern from the start. Your partner is not certainly a mind reader, so if they ask you, answer them honestly and communicate about it. Good communication will always help your relationship grow further in a good direction.

Obsessing Over Your Partner

While in love and sending cute text messages entire day to your partner may be normal at first, but if you see yourself being too concerned with whatever they do, this may be a big problem. This is actually an obsessive behavior.

It’s easy to get caught up in the wind of romance, particularly when you first start dating, but this behavior can destroy you and your relationship. When you start to get into obsessive thinking, you are slowly exerting up the pressure on yourself and your partner. You may not know it but you’re not giving the relationship space it requires to manifest as it supposed to. Though it may seem as if you are only expressing your love, being a bit too into your partner can damage the chemistry.

Showing Your Relationship On Social Media

Since you live in the era of social media, it is quite easy to over-share in various aspects of your life and that includes your relationship. It is not acceptable to do this, particularly against your partner’s wishes.

Instead of aiming to become relationship goals for social media, act on being the best couple you can be in your real life.

Letting Your Friends Or Relatives Get Involved In Your Relationship

Whenever something bad or good is happening in your relationship, it’s natural to run to your friends or family members to discuss it. However, it is one of the biggest mistakes you can make and you should eradicate it from your behavior.

If you ask your friends about things they may not agree. Few friends are not pro relationships. Check who you trust to a small few and know that certain topics are not at all for discussion.

You should feel easy enough to discuss your concerns with your partner before taking them to another person.

Intimacy or lovemaking does not have to get boring in a long-term marriage. As the years pass by and you get older, your intimate relationship must get better. Sex with your partner can become more satisfying because you know each other’s preferences, likes, dislikes, and habits.

You know that life can get in the way. Work, children, finances, and several issues can dampen the romance. These everyday factors can hamper both your desire for sex and getting the time to put in the effort. But do not put sex on a shelve or last to-do tasks. There are ways to prioritize lovemaking and keep it healthy and exciting.

In today’s article, Delhi’s top Marriage Counsellor and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services shares tips for couples to maintain a healthy and exciting marital life intimately.

Set Boundaries

Create boundaries around your immediate or nuclear family. Include individual, couple, and family time built into your daily life and pre-defined lines of connection with each partner’s family. This means you have clear boundaries around how much time you spend with your and your spouse’s family. Your own relationship and family should be the first priority.

Touch Each Other Whenever You Can

Have a well-established connection around non-sexual physical touching, holding each other’s hand, laying together, and sitting on the couch with each other. Touch each other often. Make a routine to kiss when saying hello and bidding goodbye every day.

Say I Love You To Each Other

Hearing the three magical words I love you can make you feel reassured about the way your partner feels about the relationship with you. It is a small gesture that can keep your connection alive. Call each other during the day to say it if you missed your chance earlier in the day.

Set Date For Love Making

Have consistent physical intimacy dates. Having a frequent sexual relationship in your marriage is essential. Couples in the 20s have sex an average of 2 to 4 times a week. Couples in the 30s normally do it twice a week and couples in the 40s and 50s usually have it once every week. Pay attention to the frequency at which you are having sex. Try not to be sexually intimate less than twice a month, because you may get into a habit that does not give priority to connecting in a physical manner. Maintaining your physical connection provides your marriage staying power and safeguard it from the stresses of life. Make time either spontaneously or planned, to follow through with consistent lovemaking and intimacy. Your sexual relationship should be a tension reducer, not a tension builder.

Compliment Your Partner

Compliment your spouse in front of others. Not only it is a good thing to do, but it also helps your spouse feel a deep sense of attachment to you and boosts their self-esteem. It’s also good to model for your kids so that they see you being complementary to each other.

Change The Pattern Of Your Love Making

Try often to make love using a distinct sexual script. By mixing up your normal order of kissing, foreplay, and intercourse, you can reconnect in a great way. By mixing up the script, you take ownership of pleasure and excitement in your marriage. Nothing is better than feeling desired and having a partner who takes control of the sexual relationship.

Regularly Treat Each Other

Regularly give your partner small gifts or show gestures of love and care. Leave your spouse a loving note, get them a special treat when you go shopping or come back from office. Write I love you on a slip and keep it in their cupboard. Pay attention to these small but moving gestures.

Arrange Weekly Dates

Plan weekly dates to keep the spark in your connection. Also, arrange weekly business meetings to discuss professional life or including the division of roles and household responsibilities, weekly plans, and other matters that need to be discussed. By keeping these conversations apart, date night can be about connecting, talking, and getting physical, while organizational business night can be about work-related problem-solving and working as a team during the week.