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Arranged Marriage: Relationship Expert Advice for Effective Talking to Fiancé

Arranged marriages have been a cornerstone of Indian culture for generations. Unlike love marriages, where partners choose each other independently, arranged marriages involve the active role of families in finding a suitable match. While this process ensures compatibility in terms of background, values, and lifestyle, the task of building a personal connection lies entirely with the couple.

For many, the initial phase of an arranged marriage can be daunting, especially when navigating conversations with someone who is practically a stranger but soon to become a life partner. Effective communication is key to bridging this gap and fostering a bond. Here’s a guide to help you communicate effectively with your fiancé, with a special focus on the Indian context as explained by India’s top couples therapist and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What Is an Arranged Marriage?

An arranged marriage is a union where families take the lead in identifying a potential partner for their child. In India, this practice is deeply rooted in tradition and cultural values. Families often consider factors such as caste, religion, social status, education, and family reputation before proposing a match.

However, modern arranged marriages have evolved significantly. Today, individuals play a more active role in the decision-making process, with families encouraging them to interact and assess compatibility before committing. This blend of traditional values and personal choice creates a unique dynamic in arranged marriages, emphasizing the importance of communication.

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Tips for Talking to Your Fiancé in the Indian Context

1. Understand the Role of Family Dynamics

In Indian arranged marriages, families are often closely involved in the couple’s lives. When speaking with your fiancé, discuss their family structure, traditions, and expectations. Questions like:

“What role do your parents and siblings play in important decisions?”

“How do you envision balancing family responsibilities after marriage?”
can help you gauge their perspective and align your expectations.

2. Discuss Cultural Values and Beliefs

Cultural values play a significant role in Indian marriages. Whether it’s about religious practices, festivals, or food preferences, understanding these aspects can strengthen your bond. Ask questions like:

“What traditions do you celebrate with your family?”

“Are there any cultural practices you feel strongly about?”

3. Address Lifestyle Compatibility

In the Indian context, lifestyle compatibility often extends beyond individual preferences to family expectations. Topics like living arrangements (joint family or nuclear family) and work-life balance are crucial. For example:

“Do you prefer living in a joint family or having a separate setup?”

“How do you manage your work and personal commitments?”

4. Be Mindful of Sensitive Topics

While sensitive topics such as finances, children, or career aspirations are universal in marriage discussions, their implications in India are often influenced by cultural norms. When broaching these subjects, be tactful and respectful. For instance:

Instead of directly asking, “How much do you earn?” Try, “What are your thoughts on financial planning as a couple?”

5. Explore Personal Preferences and Interests

To build rapport, delve into their interests and passions. This not only makes conversations more engaging but also reveals their personality. Ask about:

Hobbies, such as reading, traveling, or sports.

Favorite cuisines or movies.

Showing genuine interest in their likes and dislikes can help build an emotional connection.

6. Clarify Future Goals

In Indian arranged marriages, long-term goals are often intertwined with family priorities. Discuss topics like:

Career aspirations and their alignment with family expectations.

Plans for relocating, especially if one partner may need to move cities or countries.

7. Be Honest About Your Expectations

Transparency is critical. Share your expectations regarding independence, personal space, and your role in the family. For instance:

8. Respect Regional and Cultural Differences

India’s diversity means that even within arranged marriages, couples might come from different states, communities, or linguistic backgrounds. Learning about your fiancé’s regional customs can demonstrate respect and effort toward understanding their roots.

Building a Bridge Between Tradition and Modernity

In the Indian context, arranged marriages are not just about two individuals but a union of families. However, the success of this bond depends on how well the couple communicates and understands each other.

By addressing crucial topics like family values, lifestyle choices, and future goals, while also taking the time to know each other personally, you can create a relationship that blends tradition with modern understanding.

Remember, patience, empathy, and openness are the keys to turning an arranged match into a meaningful partnership.

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Don’t Post These Relationship Facts on Social Media, Suggest Relationship Expert

Gone are the days when we celebrated milestones privately with friends and family. Social media has transformed how we connect, and now a simple post or story often replaces intimate gatherings. While social media offers a convenient way to share our lives, it can blur the lines between what should remain private and what we choose to make public.

What things should you not post about your relationship on social media?

Relationship expert and Delhi’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, warns against oversharing, as it can sometimes harm the very relationships we’re trying to celebrate. Here are six things you should avoid sharing about your relationship online:

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Avoid Seeking External Validation

Your relationship doesn’t need public approval to be meaningful. Constantly posting about it for likes or comments can add unnecessary pressure and reflect insecurity. Healthy relationships thrive privately without the need for a social media audience. Sharing too much can force emotions to grow based on external validation rather than letting love develop naturally between you two.

Get Your Partner’s Consent

Sharing photos or personal details about your partner without their approval can invade their privacy. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you can share everything publicly. Always ask for your partner’s consent before tagging them in posts or sharing pictures. Respecting their comfort level is crucial to building trust and ensuring they feel valued. By doing so, you also strengthen your bond by showing that their opinions matter.

Don’t Post About Conflicts

Every relationship has disagreements, but venting about arguments on social media is a bad idea. Sharing conflicts publicly can hurt your partner and lead others to form negative opinions about your relationship. Online advice from friends, though well-meaning, may also cause more harm than good. Instead, resolve issues privately with your partner. Posting in moments of anger can lead to regret and long-term damage to the relationship.

Don’t Brag About Gifts

While it’s exciting to receive gifts, constantly posting them on social media can come across as bragging. Your partner might prefer to keep these moments private and may feel uncomfortable with the attention. Plus, trying to make your relationship appear more extravagant than it is can create pressure and unrealistic expectations. Instead of sharing every gift online, cherish these moments together without seeking validation from others.

Limit Frequent Status Updates

Constantly updating your relationship status online—whether it’s changing from single to in a relationship or making it “complicated”—can create unnecessary pressure. While it may feel gratifying at the moment, these updates often reflect instability and invite unwanted opinions from others. Focus on nurturing your relationship privately rather than publicly broadcasting each shift in your love life. What truly matters is the bond you share, not how others perceive it.

Don’t Post About Your Breakup

Breakups are hard enough without adding the complexity of social media. Posting about a breakup can lead to endless questions and amplify your feelings of sadness. Not everyone will respond positively, and you may regret sharing such a personal event. Instead, focus on healing privately and avoid publicizing the details of your breakup.

Let your relationship thrive away from the public eye. Avoid seeking external validation, sharing conflicts, or posting frequent updates. Respect your partner’s privacy and cherish special moments privately. Remember, the strength of your relationship lies in the bond you share, not in how it appears on social media.

Things Happily Married Couples Do Before Going To Sleep

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Sometimes remaining happy in a relationship can be tricky but with a trust that has developed over the years remaining happy is not that difficult at all. After all love, trust and compatibility play a big role in being happy as a couple.

Though there are no secrets or formulas for remaining happily married there are certain things that can ensure a merry time for the couples. And definitely some habits before going to sleep are some of those.

In this article, Delhi’s Best Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares things happily married couples do before going to sleep.

They Go To Bed At The Same Time

Keep in mind that, a couple that sleeps together remains together. Thanks to your busy schedules, you hardly get time to spend with each other. In fact, a few couples, who have a different working schedule, may even go to bed at different times. However, it is important for couples to go to sleep at the same time, which helps them to keep intact the warmth and intimacy in their relationship.

They Do Not Attend To Phone Calls Or Texts

Smartphones are both a blessing and a curse in your life. Your overdependency on your phones, particularly social media, can affect your lives and those around you. This is the reason why several couples who enjoy a happy marital life, keep their phone on silent or attend to calls only when it is a real urgency after they go to bed.

They Do Not Bring Their Work To The Bedroom

If you are somebody who continuously thinks about office work on your laptop or phone even minutes while going to bed, you need to alter this habit as quickly as you can. People who think about work past bedtime is less possible to have a happily married life.

They Do Not Go To Bed Angry

This is one trait that happily married couples are seen doing. They seldom go to bed angry. Even if they had a fight or an argument, they make it sure to resolve it. Harboring negative emotions while going to sleep not only impacts your health but also affects your peace of mind in a negative manner.

Keeps Their Bedroom Clutter And Gadget Free

The bedroom is the only place where a couple gets the chance to spend time with each other without any disturbances. This is the sole reason why married couples keep their bedroom clutter and gadget-free ends up spending some quality time in each other’s company.

Things You Should Know About The Post-Marriage Depression

You have all given your entire energy into the wedding for days and months, and you have gone through the complete process of hiring, buying, and returning everything possible. Now, you are beginning to feel blues. Is post-marriage depression a reality, or is it all in your mind?

The reality is: 1 in 10 brides reports feeling post-marriage depression, and it is likely this number is often under-reported most of the time. You are not alone, and brides, in particular, tend to suffer from it, though grooms can also feel a bit of this.

Here is what you need to know about post-marriage depression according to Delhi’s Top Psychologist, and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What Causes Post-Marriage Depression

Like any kind of depression, it is difficult to know exactly what causes post-marriage depression. 1 factor appears to be the difference between brides who perceived the wedding as their big goal and those who thought about the wedding as the beginning of a new chapter in life. If you have been preparing for the marriage like some would cheer on like during the run in a favorite sport, it is no surprise you are feeling blue.

Another reason can be the events linked with the wedding. If you are planning a honeymoon, you might be stressed out about it. If you have already done it, the disappointment of getting back to your own home and normal life again could be daunting. Perhaps you and your new partner are now living together for the first time. Depression can definitely result from the changed living conditions, even when you are happy living with your new spouse.

How Can You Prevent Post-Marriage Depression?

If you have not yet held your wedding, it is smart to be searching ahead to what you can expect to post the wedding, good for you. There are lots of things you can do to assist prevent post-marriage depression, though there are no sureties.

First, stay grounded as you plan your marriage. Bear in mind to keep looking past the wedding to your future schedules and the daily things that matter to you, rather than wasting all your energy into the wedding every day. This entire focus will leave a gap after the wedding, so avoid being completely engrossed by the process.

During the wedding and after it, remember that your moment could be here, but you will not remain the center of attraction. Though you can enjoy it, try not to get accustomed to it. Highlight those near you and their efforts and achievements. Sometimes, that can feel better than being the center of attraction.

Lastly, try to share the burden. Not only will this stop you from being totally absorbed in the wedding or from being the center of attraction, but it will ensure you do not reach a zone that alienates friends and family. These people around you will be your critical support post the wedding, as well.

How To Alleviate Post-Marriage Depression?

If you see yourself missing the frenzy of planning and excitement, or feeling blue without actually knowing why you can still recover from post-marriage depression all by yourself. The most necessary step to take is to seek out a therapist if the depression carries on or if you feel like you need to see a specialist you are not the first to suffer from post-marriage depression, nor you will be the last.

You can initially try to shift the planning and creativity-based tasks to something else. Marriage involves a huge amount of both, and this needs both left-brain and right-brain types. You can plan your career or take up a new activity. Learn to dance, take a course in learning a language or simply help some other person.

Have you ever thought about up a new hobby? You might have to drop hobbies in order to make time for the marriage, so this is the perfect time to pick them back up. Never give in when the temptation to spend the extra time watching TV programs. It will only add to the depression. Rather, get involved in something. You can join social work, take up a sports activity, or start exercising daily. In fact, exercise and yoga are some of the best remedies for depression.

How To Set Goals To Recover From Post-Marriage Depression?

Suppose there are no underlying biological or medical causes for your depression, you might be able to treat it by merely shifting your focus and your goals. Rather than planning for a wedding, take a look at the stuff you have always wanted to do. Those things that keep you awake at night. The things that force you daydream about how you could ever possibly achieve them.

Whatever that dream is that you forgot about in the hours of planning the marriage, bring it into the forefront of your mind again and start planning.

Plan meticulously. Do not simply idly think about it time and again. Make a deadline that forces you to get creative as your wedding did. Use checklists and diaries, tell all your friends about the deadlines, make small steps, and recruit your loved one’s help.

There’s no reason why you should have to suffer from post-marriage depression. If the depression continues, talk to a specialist, and remember to confide in your partner, friends, and family. Your support system is always the finest of you, and they can be a source of comfort and joy as you divert your focus from the wedding to your new life ahead.