Personal boundaries are the “limits” that a person needs in his/her life and relationship, to dictate to other people how they should treat and behave with them and what they can expect from them. Unfortunately, a lot of people set poor personal boundaries and suffer, day and night in their friendship, professions, and relationships.
The problem lies in the fact that as toddlers and children, society teaches us to say “Yes” to elders, be it in school or at home. Society at large appreciates obedience and does not encourage kids and teenagers to ask questions, which in fact is the foundation of a free mind, self-belief, and bravery.
The problem starts when this obedient child, grows-ups and enters the throat-cutting competitive world, find himself/herself in a group of peers, or finds a partner with poor morals and weak self-belief, and fails to say “NO” against emotional, psychological, and materialistic worldly exploitations.
In today’s blog, India’s eminent psychologist and couples therapist Shivani Sadhoo signs that can help you identify if you are suffering in your life due to poor personal boundaries.
1. You completely hate it when you let others down
It means that you mostly go along with the other person’s plans and say yes to all the things you wouldn’t normally choose to do, and possibly do not want to do. Joining added committees, agreeing to visit restaurants where you know you will not be able to avail anything for your kid’s health restrictions on the menu, opting to go along with a messy schedule at work in an attempt to accommodate your boss’ new whim.
2. You are continuously tired and don’t even know the reason
And every mother said, “Yes” Though it is completely different from “mom-tired,” it is incredibly common. It occurs as you are giving all your energy away by continuously tending to everyone else’s wishes and needs and putting your own interest on the shelf.
3. You feel like how other person feels is solely up to you
You always worry whether they are having a good time and feeling good. You go beyond your limits to make certain this is the case. It means you feel guilty and anxious quite regularly. You seldom feel settled because there is always going to be an individual who is upset or a blame to put out. And you ought to be the one to do it.
4. It’s simple for others to take advantage of you
It’s simply for others to take advantage of you. You are pretty certain that is not what you agreed to, but you would rather not say anything. And they also, know you won’t either. You might even wonder if you are being manipulated by those who are actually closest to you.
5. Deep within you think no one respects you
This is perhaps because you have been pushed over far too many times, so they never think they need to.
6. It is too difficult for you to take and make decisions on the basis of your own needs
You are not able to take any stand for yourself because you feel what others want or will feel. Eventually, when you truly decide for yourself, you find it overwhelming or exhausting.
7. You are not certain who you are or what you like
Perhaps you may feel like having an identity crisis. You do not know what you prefer or love. How it feels to make a decision on your own interests. Rather you are preoccupied with what others want you to do.
Stay tuned to Saarthi’s blog because we will be posting soon the article by Shivani Misri Sadhoo on ways one can set their personal boundaries correctly.