Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Intimacy is a cornerstone of any relationship, but men and women experience and express it differently. These differences are rooted in emotional, physical, and psychological factors that shape their desires and expectations.

Below are five key points each on what men and women want in intimacy, shedding light on their unique perspectives as explained by one of the leading marriage counselors in India Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this article.

What Men Want in Intimacy?

Some of the things men want are:

Initiating  Physical Intimacy

Men often prefer to take the lead in initiating physical intimacy. This stems from a combination of biological factors like higher testosterone levels and a desire to feel confident and wanted in the relationship.

Physical Connection as a Primary Need

Men frequently associate intimacy with physical touch and connection.  Physical activities like hugging, and other forms of physical affection are vital for them to feel loved and emotionally close to their partner.

Respect and Appreciation

Feeling respected and appreciated by their partner significantly enhances a man’s sense of intimacy. Compliments, acknowledgment of their efforts, and expressions of admiration make them feel valued.

Simple and Direct Communication

Men often prefer clear and straightforward communication when it comes to emotional or intimate needs. Subtle cues or hints can be overlooked, so direct conversations help them feel more connected and assured.

Bonding Through Activities

Engaging in shared activities, such as sports, hobbies, or even working on a project together, is a way men build intimacy. These moments of teamwork or companionship make them feel closer to their partner.

What Women Want in Intimacy?

A few things women desire are:

Emotional Connection Before Physical Intimacy

For many women, emotional intimacy is a prerequisite for physical closeness. Feeling understood, supported, and secure in the relationship creates the foundation for a deeper connection.

Affection Beyond the Bedroom

Women appreciate consistent acts of affection that aren’t necessarily tied to physical intimacy. Holding hands, cuddling, and thoughtful gestures help them feel loved and valued in everyday moments.

Quality Time and Undivided Attention

Women often place high importance on spending meaningful time together. Uninterrupted conversations, shared experiences, and moments of togetherness foster emotional closeness.

Being Heard and Validated

Women want their thoughts and feelings to be genuinely heard and validated. A partner who listens with empathy and acknowledges their emotions helps build trust and intimacy.

Consistency and Reassurance

Consistency in behavior and emotional availability is crucial for women. Knowing they can rely on their partner’s love and support gives them the confidence to open up fully.

Bridging the Gap

Men’s tendency to initiate physical intimacy and women’s need for emotional connection before physical closeness can sometimes create misunderstandings. However, these differences are complementary when couples communicate openly.

For instance, a woman can appreciate her partner’s desire to initiate intimacy, while a man can focus on creating an emotionally secure environment for his partner.

Understanding what men and women want in intimacy reveals how their needs, though distinct, often align to form a balanced and fulfilling relationship.

By respecting each other’s perspectives—whether it’s through emotional connection, physical affection, or acts of love—couples can strengthen their bond and create lasting intimacy. Embracing these differences not only enhances understanding but also deepens the connection that lies at the heart of a strong relationship.

In a world where success is often tied to happiness, it’s easy to believe that accumulating more—money, possessions, recognition—will lead to fulfillment. However, even when surrounded by comforts, many still feel an unsettling void. What’s holding us back from the happiness we seek? The answer lies within: our ego.

The ego convinces us we’re incomplete and constantly in need of more. Yet its desires are insatiable, keeping true happiness out of reach. To find peace, we must let go of the ego’s grip and embrace a simpler, more authentic way of living, says India’s top marriage and relationship counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What is Ego?

The ego represents our sense of self-worth and identity, shaped by memories, beliefs, and experiences. While a healthy ego fosters confidence, an inflated one breeds arrogance and inflexibility. It becomes the mask we wear, shaping how we present ourselves to the world. Balancing the ego is key to inner peace.

How Ego Blocks Happiness?

An unchecked ego can harm relationships, mental health, and overall well-being. Here’s how it sabotages us:

• Fosters Superiority: An inflated ego creates a false sense of being better than others, leading to arrogance and strained relationships.
• Creates Rigidity: It resists change, making us inflexible and closed to new perspectives.
• Blames Others: The ego deflects responsibility, hindering self-reflection and personal growth.
• Breeds Resentment: Holding onto ego-driven grudges adds negativity to our lives.
• Triggers Fear and Anxiety: It fosters an unhealthy need to protect an idealized self-image.
• Impairs Decision-Making: Ego-driven choices can lead to missed opportunities and damaged relationships.
• Seeks Power and Control: The ego’s desire for dominance often creates conflict and dissatisfaction.

Steps to Release the Ego and Find Happiness

1. Practice Self-Reflection

Pay attention to moments when you feel defensive, angry, or eager to prove yourself right. Pause and ask: Is this reaction necessary, or is it my ego speaking? Reflecting on your emotions helps you respond thoughtfully and consider how your actions affect others.

2. Embrace Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an antidote to ego. While the ego clings to past hurts and demands validation, forgiveness frees you from resentment and allows you to heal. It’s not about excusing others but about releasing the burden of pain and opening yourself to peace and happiness.

3. Cultivate Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps you stay present and self-aware. Journaling, meditation, or mindful breathing can anchor you in the moment, reducing the ego’s influence. Supportive relationships and honest feedback also encourage self-reflection and inspire growth, helping you prioritize genuine happiness over external validation.

4. Let Go of Control

The ego thrives on the illusion of control, tying happiness to fleeting achievements and possessions. To break free, accept life’s unpredictability and embrace change. Take small risks, explore new opportunities, and find joy in simple moments. As psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo suggests, letting go doesn’t mean giving up—it means responding with grace and trusting life’s flow.

True happiness comes from within. By releasing the ego’s hold through self-reflection, forgiveness, mindfulness, and acceptance, we can let go of unnecessary fears and desires. This shift allows us to experience deeper connections, inner peace, and a more joyful, meaningful life. Letting go of the ego is not a loss but a pathway to uncovering the beauty and balance of life.

Marriage isn’t the be-all and end-all for everyone. In a world where individualism is celebrated, many people opt to remain single, prioritizing personal fulfilment over traditional notions of partnership. For some, focusing on career advancement, personal growth, or pursuing passions takes precedence over romantic entanglements. The notion that looks are the primary deciding factor when it comes to choosing a partner is completely outdated. Did you know that there are many smart and attractive women who are still single?

What are the reasons that smart and attractive women are still single?

Wonder why? Let’s find out the reasons from India’s top relationship and couples counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

They love their independence

Smart and attractive women often find themselves single not because they can’t find a partner, but because they value their independence fiercely. They’re not sitting around waiting for Prince Charming to ride in on a white horse because they’re too busy building their own kingdoms.

These women know they can handle anything life throws at them—they don’t need a man to rescue them from a spider or fix a leaky faucet. They’re the CEOs of their own lives, making decisions based on what’s best for them, not what society says they should do. They understand that true happiness stems from within, not from a relationship status.

It is their choice; not a compulsion

Sometimes bold and beautiful women simply want to stay single. It is their choice. There may not be any reason for this. They love their own company. Marriage is a choice for them; not a compulsion or necessity.

They have high expectations from the groom

It is true that smart and attractive women often possess high standards when it comes to relationships. They are acutely aware of their worth and what they can contribute to a partnership. While they acknowledge that perfection is unattainable, they maintain a non-negotiable list of expectations. These women seek a relationship characterized by mutual respect and emotional fulfillment, refusing to settle for anything less. Consequently, their discerning standards may lead them to remain single as they patiently await a connection that aligns with their values and aspirations.

They feel vulnerable

Despite their outward confidence, many smart and attractive women harbor a fear of vulnerability. Past heartbreaks or betrayals intensify this fear, leading to emotional distance in relationships. They struggle to open up, fearing rejection or disappointment despite their intelligence and attractiveness.

They’re too busy

Smart, attractive women often stay single because they prioritize their professional success. They’re fully invested in self-improvement and don’t always make time for dating apps. Their focus is on bettering themselves through career advancement and personal growth. They believe true love will come naturally when the timing is right, choosing not to waste time on distractions they can’t control.

They don’t want to lose their authority

Many smart, strong, and stunning women choose to remain single because they value their independence and autonomy above all else. They’ve always been the ones to take the reins, make decisions, and chart their own course without being swayed by others. The thought of relinquishing control to someone else in marriage feels daunting; they fear losing their authority and sense of self. These women aren’t afraid to be labeled as “control freaks” because they know what they want and won’t settle for anything less than full autonomy over their lives.

Men feel intimidated

Many men feel intimidated by her strong personality and find her unapproachable, so she remains single. She’s amazing, smart, and attractive, which can be intimidating for guys. They think they’re not good enough for her. She doesn’t settle for just any relationship; it has to be worthwhile. She values her time and energy and won’t waste it on something that doesn’t feel right. She knows there’s more to her than just her relationship status. She understands the difference between forcing a bad relationship and giving a good one a chance.

These are just a few reasons why smart, attractive women may choose to remain single. Whether it’s prioritizing independence, career, or personal growth, their decision reflects a deep understanding of self-worth and a refusal to settle.

Several couples face at least four out of five common marital problems at some stage of their prolonged companionship. Shivani Sadhoo says if you are among that group too, take heart: every marital relationship has certain issues. The good news is that by being proactive rather than reactive, you can make a huge transformation and see growth and health come to your most essential relationship.

Some couples always struggle with communicating. They are not able to find time to discuss because one of the partners is always busy with work during the day and exhausted in the evenings. This is when perhaps you suddenly realized you needed to schedule a lunch date just as if you were scheduling it to catch up with a friend. But things always do not work like that. Here India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some solutions to the 5 major marriage issues.

Lack or absence of emotional intimacy

Planning time to be intentional in sharing your mind and heart with one another is vital here. Talk about things that are truly important to you, and remember not to disagree with or challenge your spouse when they are being vulnerable and telling you what is most essential to them. If time is an issue, look to create a dedicated time into your weekly schedule to be intentional in doing this; otherwise, it is not going to happen.

A dearth of physical intimacy

One great idea for enhancing physical intimacy is to plan time for it. If you both are aware that you have agreed to be together on a specific day and time, you would be able to make it a priority and mentally get ready to enjoy it.

Communication

One method to address a lack of communication is to decide a time for a face-to-face each day, even if it is only for 15 minutes. Make it the same every day, so it is easy for neither of you to miss this opportunity. Do this prior to you spending time with the kids. Or if daily planning is too difficult perhaps because of your professional commitments. Then set up a dedicated day of the week.

Losing interest or lack of appreciation

It is important to opt to put the relationship above everything else, including work and your kids. Act like you are dating again. Enact as you did then. Take time to pay attention only to your partner. Have both of you take the texting challenge to make certain you are staying in touch through the day.

Finance

Decide upon a time to work out a budget that is agreeable to both. Agree to sit down to check at expenses at the end of each month. If the discussion is prearranged and you both come to the table with complete transparency, then the conversation about finance could move from the emotional and into the practical ones.

Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, or emotional and psychological challenges.