Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

It is a very common phenomenon when someone says they are not able to forgive or forget a specific incident specifically when it involves a relationship. Letting go is often the most difficult thing to accomplish. You may have heard that forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Perhaps because forgiving is not easy, specifically, when some deeds do not appear worthy of forgiveness. However, the difficult work is worth it. It has been seen that positive psychology has found forgiveness can be helpful in dealing with symptoms of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Forgiving can give personal peace and also improve physical health. How? Because forgiveness is not just about making other person feel good about their transgressions. It is also, about lightening the mental weight that their transgressions have left upon you. This lightening impact is not simply metaphorical.

In the year of 2014 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, 160 persons were divided into three groups. One group mentioned an incident in which they had been gravely hurt, but decided to forgive their offender; another group said about a time in which they are yet to forgiven an offender, and a control group mentioned a neutral interaction with a friend. All those participants were then guided through a mock fitness drill in which they had to jump as high as they could five times. The participants who had said about forgiveness jumped significantly higher compared to those in the unforgiving set.

Are you amongst those who find it hard to forgive or forget? This blog by Delhi’s Top Psychologist, Marriage Counselor, and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo says here are some ways that will truly let you forgive and forget.

Bring to Light

Be absolute honest with yourself about your anger and pain, and analyze the complete damage the injustice has caused in your life. If your parent made you feel inadequate while growing up, does your self-esteem still suffers? Do you search for love and validation in an unhealthy manner?

Determine

You need to make the conscious decision to forgive those who harmed you, and give up on any vengeful conduct on your part. If an office colleague once stole an idea of yours, say, and you have been denying him/her credit on other projects ever since this is time to change your method. The negativity and anger you stick to would not do you any good in the long run.

Act

It takes work to understand and empathize with a person who has hurt you. Here you need to ask yourself a certain question: What was life like for this individual while growing up? What psychological wounds he/she might be nursing? What added pressures or stresses was the individual experiencing at that moment he/she offended you? Then thought of a small gift, if you could offer that person. It could be a simple smile, a handshake or a hug, a returned phone call or message, or simply more tolerance the next moment you are with them. Bear in mind, though, that forgiveness and reconciliation are never the same. If you were living or are in an abusive relationship of any sort, your forgiveness might and should come from afar.

Discover

Look for meaning and purpose in what you have been through. How could you help others who may be hurting? If you have been a victim of any physical or mental bias, for instance, you may decide to become more active in some humanitarian issues. In the emotional relief of letting it go, you can even discover the paradox of forgiveness: As you give to others the gifts of mercy, kindness, generosity, and moral love, you yourself get healed.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

If you are not driving, you are sleeping, and if you are at work you are texting, writing e-mails and talking, but rarely listening, means actually, listening.

Listening seems to be a declining skill because listening means absolute listening and nothing else Not thinking of tomorrow’s activity, the “To Do” list and the growing message inbox.

Relationship Experts Shivani says listening is such a passive act that several of you simply do not do it.

Some studies have indicated that one typically remembers merely 25 to 30% of what one hears. However, ‘Active Listening’ can enhance that figure enormously. One of the methods to use ‘Active Listening’ is to remember the mostly-used expression that “eyes and ears must be used in the same proportion they have been allocated to you.”

In today’s digital world one seems to be constantly playing catch up with voice calls, e-mails, meetings, and ever-expanding tight deadlines. As a result, one seems to be “broadcasting” all the time but quite rarely listening to what is essential.

The kids tend to watch television whilst texting their friends and doing homework. How do they do that? Actually, the answer is that they cannot do all those things well at the same time.

So, is it that essential? Yes, it is. If one doesn’t truly listen one does not get the actual message being communicated. If one doesn’t get the real message then one can’t act appropriately.

If you really want to boost relationships and grow your business then you have to work towards good listening. Here are some of the reasons shared by Delhi’s top marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo why listening boosts relationships.

You Can Gain Information

If you listen, truly listen; you can learn things about the person, be it your spouse, kids or colleague, their aspirations, their fears, their work, and what you may be able to help them with.

There is so much of the spoken meanings are hidden in inflection, tone, and expression, so listening is critical for understanding and gaining information. And as you all know, information is power. It lets you fashion the necessary responses and strategy to assist the person to whom you are listening.

Increases Your Accuracy

When you listen genuinely, you have a better recollection of vital facts and issues.

This can result in fewer miscommunications and errors and makes you more efficient and have more value in your relationships both personal and professional ones.

You Build Trust

When you give your entire attention to the persons expressing thoughts and experiences that are essential to them, they are possibly to see you as a person who really thinks and cares about them.

When you are obviously paying attention to that person and you refrain from interjecting opinions, judgments, and advice, or finishing their sentences, you are seen as someone who cares and can be truly trusted with their information and confidence. This develops trust and later on bonding.

You Form A Relationship

When you listen properly to the other individual’s point of view a real conversation can arise. A meaningful and informed conversation can take place rather than sound bites being chosen and conclusions jumped too. When this genuine interaction takes place, you naturally form a relationship.

The biggest problem in today’s hectic world is that one does not often bother to listen to things carefully, as a result, more friction takes place. Because others perceive that you do not have time for them. This is often the beginning of a collapsing relationship. So, when you are in conversation, let’s be certain to do everything you can to make sure you are being an Active Listener.

It is active listening which leads to solid relationships and relationships are built through several human attributes. At the base of these attributes is LISTENING.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Is crying beneficial for you? The answer is yes. While crying is expected in babies and young kids, whether it is because of pain, anger, fear, lack of communication skills, or any other reasons—adults also cry from time to time. On average, women cry more than 5 times per month and men cry at least once a month. These crying episodes vary anywhere from having tears well up in the eyes or complete sobbing. Psychologist Shivani says, in addition to emotional tears, your body also utilizes tears to physically protect the eyes from harm.

There are 3 kinds of tears each having different purposes. Crying has both emotional and physical benefits, and your body has several ways of producing tears to achieve those benefits. The physical benefits of crying include keeping your eyes lubricated, clean as tears wash away debris and germs that may damage your eye or cause infection. While many a time the emotional tears could provide relief from stress. The three kinds of tears include:

Basal tears: These tears stay continuously in your eyes and maintain eye health. It lubricates your eyes and protects your cornea.

Reflex tears: These also protect your eyes; your body utilizes them to flush out things, like the stray eyelash, dust, smoke, and also the fumes from onions.

Emotional tears: Your body produces tears in response to several emotional states: not just sadness, but also during happiness and fear.

Let us find out the benefits of crying here in the blog, by Delhi’s top psychologist and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Emotional Tears Might Help Your Body Release Stress

Psycho-emotional tears contain no physical benefits for the health of your eyes. But emotional tears might flush out stress hormones and other toxins from your body. Some studies have found higher concentrations of specific proteins in emotional tears than in basal or reflex tears. Although more research is required for conclusive evidence, some hypothesize that emotional tears purge the body of stress-related substances.

Crying in a Supportive Environment Makes One Feel Better

Emotional tears could also be a communication tool for adults, suggesting a need for social support. When someone cries with a close friend or a family member nearby, the person mostly feels better after crying. That social support can assist the person resolve a conflict or help the person who is crying better understand the event that occurred that caused the tears. This results in an individual feeling better after crying. In contrast, persons who try to avoid crying or who cry and do not receive social support are less probably to feel better.

Tears of Children Indicates a Need for Care

While it might be frustrating for adults, it is essential for children to cry, for their physical and emotional health. Without hearing an infant cry, parents and caregivers may not immediately know that the baby requires the assistance of some sort, be it is emotional comfort or some other type of care. Babies and kids also cry because of pain as a non-verbal mode to request the care of an adult.

Some Emotional Tears Signal When It Is Time to Seek Professional Help

Frequent emotional crying could be a sign that the person requires to call a professional for help with a mental health issue, like depression. Other signs of depression include feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness; problem sleeping or sleeping excessively, having difficulty making decisions; losing interest in kinds of stuff that were once pleasurable; and thoughts of suicide. When frequent crying is accompanied by other signs of depression, call a professional.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

The generation of our parents placed a high value on “being strong” and tackling problems internally rather than rapidly talking and sharing with others when they are troubled.  The “strong silent sort” was a very attractive characteristic to that specific generation, specifically, in males. Our past generations lived through terrible deprivation as kids mainly because of the trauma of wars, a weak economy, and other uncertainties as young adults. Most of that generation lived with considerable deprivation, uncertainty, and loss. One imagines that the value for being strong and silent was a very worthy coping mechanism to assist them to deal with the depth of suffering that most of us now living now, have never experienced on a national scale. Those who have experienced personal trauma or loss would be an exception.

Communication Is Quite Valuable but Not Always Beneficial

The generation we are now in, places a high value on communicating feelings, communicating for deep understanding and connection. There are people who now places a very high value on communicating in openness, transparency, and love as critical ingredients to intimate relationships. Although honest and vulnerable communication is usually, highly beneficial to healthy relationships, not all issues can be resolved through communication. Counselor Shivani says, there are times when it is better to stay silent than to communicate. Certainly, there is a risk in going too far to one extreme or another on the spectrum of communicating or staying silent.

This blog from India’s Top Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares when it is better to be silent in your relationship.

Complaining and Criticizing that is Classified as Verbal Processing/Just Venting

Doing it will only be disastrous to you, to your relationship, and to the person you are criticizing. It is very much more life-giving to approach a conversation having the idea of trying to make things better instead of pointing out the other one’s faults. If you have to talk to a third party about a problem with an acquaintance, then have the discussion about getting ideas to improve the circumstances.

Communicating Negative Thoughts and Feelings about Another Individual

Normally, it is not wise to quickly communicate negative thoughts and feelings that you have about another person. Instead, it is good to look inside first to see if part of the problem is yours to deal with. You need to own and manage your own stuff first. When you have completed this first step, and the interpersonal issues remain, then it is good to talk and work out the issues as best you can.

Sometimes you adopt the wrong idea that another person is obligated to change if you communicate that “your feelings are hurt” by something they have done or if you communicate that you “need” something from them. While it can be quite valuable to a relationship to communicate how you experience the relationship, the idea that the other individual is obligated to adapt to your feelings can easily make a relationship where the other person is controlled by your feelings rather than by what is better for the relationship.

Communication that Creates Heated Conflict

Waiting for the best time to communicate related to the problems can make the difference between bringing understanding and link or creating more conflict. When things get heated and emotionally intense simply waiting until both individuals have had time to calm down can be hard but critical to having a fruitful discussion. Conflict resolution could be very difficult until you communicate with the proper mindset, that is, the mindset that you want the best solution to be the result rather than you need to be right or you need to have things to be done your way.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Avoidant partners create distance, restrict communication and fly below the radar in romantic relationships. These things can leave partners feeling confused, unimportant, frustrated, and abandoned.

Avoidant partner’s distancing strategies mostly have deep historical roots. Some avoidant partners might have grown up repeatedly feeling overwhelmed by sheer pressure from parents to be a certain way. Others might have gotten messages that it was not good to say no to a parent or authority figure.

Oftentimes as child avoidant partners’ emotions were discouraged or not reflected by a parent. This child may have felt he/she is a disappointment to a parent.

Counselor Shivani says after repeatedly attempting unsuccessfully to win a parent’s approval, some kids tend to hedge their bets or finally give up. As adults, they can unwittingly carry that template of disappointment to their relationships in a manner they may not fully realize.

Though avoidant partners might seem cool or unfeeling, studies have shown that people with an avoidant style are simply as emotionally anxious as those on the opposite end of the horizon who have an anxious attachment style.

Partners having an anxious style worry they will not meet their own needs and seek another person to do so. Avoidant partners have the opposite fear that no one else will ever meet their expectations so they conclude they can simply depend on themselves. Feeling on their own, they keep their distance in hopes of minimizing the inevitable disappointments they fear.

Despite their fears, individuals who take an avoidant stance in relationships, if properly motivated and with their partner’s help, can become more open to greater intimacy, communication besides closeness.

If you opt to be with a partner having an avoidant style, here are some approaches shared by India’s Top Marriage Counselor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo which stresses on how you can increase communication and intimacy with an avoidant partner.

Never Chase

If you go after people who need space, they will possibly run even faster or turn and fight. When avoidant partners withdraw, allow them. It could be painful to let them go temporarily but chasing them is likely to make it take much longer before they come back around.

Ask Them What You Need Rather Than Saying What You Don’t

Complaints are usually, desires and longings in disguise. Few of you like it when someone complains about you. Most of you are more responsive when someone you care about voices what they desire.

Don’t Take it Personally

Avoidant partners look for distance out of self-protection. They are afraid of the loss of self. It is not about you. If an avoidant partner appears overly critical of you, you do not have to take it on. Remember, your partner is possibly self-critical too.

Offer Understanding

One quality mostly in short supply in relationships is listening. Be open to listening about your partner’s feelings and issues, whichever way they are expressed. Be kind and compassionate. Listen to understand, not to fix an issue.

Strengthen Positive Actions

When an avoidant partner does something you love or like, let them know. Let them know what you value in the relationship and what is working. This can balance an avoidant partner’s tendency to focus just on the negative only.

Respect Differences

Understand that your partner’s speed may be slower than yours but that does not actually mean your partner does not want to be with you.

Be Reliable and Trustworthy

Avoidant partners generally, expect to be disappointed. That makes it all the more vital that you do what you say. Never make promises you cannot keep.

Accept that Both of You Have Unrealistic Fantasies

An avoidant partner might have a fantasy of a perfect partner who meets all of his/her needs. You could have a fantasy of a perfect relationship in which you never feel lonely or sad. None of those are realistic.

Develop Your Own Interests

Please understand that no partner can fulfill all your needs. Have your own friends and hobbies. When avoidant partners observe that you are self-sufficient and doing things without them, it possibly paradoxically draws them to you since they can have less fear that you will become overly dependent on them.

Give Space

When things are going smooth and you feel your partner is coming closer, it could be tempting to open the floodgates and voice all your desires for closeness. You might worry that the open gateway could close at any time and seek to say all the things you have stored up while you can. However, this is mostly counterproductive. Rather, enjoy your partner’s sincere efforts to get close without overwhelming the moment. Doing so could make it feel safer for an avoidant partner to move closer and stay closer longer.

Be Mindful While Expressing Strong Emotions

You need to be capable to express your feelings and needs to your partner. But emotional expressions delivered intensely mostly overwhelm avoidant persons who can’t hear your message since they withdraw or shut down. You are more likely to be heard if you communicate your feelings sincerely, and openly but having a moderate tone.

Never Try to Change or Protect Your Partner

Trying to change a person’s basic attachment style is fruitless. It wastes all your time and it annoys the partner. However, it might be that in a secure relationship an avoidant partner may become more willing to risk intimacy and closeness over time.

Be Honest with Your Partner with Regards to Your Needs

If you need or desire more than your partner can give, the relationship is possibly not going to work. Be certain to communicate clearly, calmly, and using examples for your needs and desires. Your partner could then decide how to respond based on a proper knowledge of what you need rather than simply assuming or guessing.

Recognize Their Limitations

Avoidant partners might require more personal time and take more distance than you possibly like. That might never change. You need to accept that no partner is perfect.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

It may feel strange when at times, you struggle to tell even the person closest to you about your true emotions. Keeping feelings of anger, sadness, and misery into words can be quite difficult. Even if the words are at the tip of your tongue, even if they are shouting in your mind and you look to let them out, you clench them back.

Counselor Shivani says there are times when the words are simply not enough to show how genuinely you feel. You wish to perhaps you do not know.

Also, at times one may feel exhausted from attempting to repair things and totally given up because he/she feels nothing will improve.

India’s leading Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog reveal secrets behind people hiding emotions.

You Have Doubts Whether People Will Understand You

At certain times, you might suppress your feelings since you are worried that people will not understand. You think that when they fail to relate with what you are going through, they might reject or disapprove of what you are feeling or saying, simply because they do not get it. However, there is always a possibility to find someone who will really understand you and never reject anything you have to say as small or tell you that you are being too sensitive or unreasonable.

You Do Not Trust Others To See Your Vulnerable Side

To reveal your innermost fears and doubts can be terrifying. Putting yourself out there can seem like you are exposing yourself, making your soul bare, and allowing someone a look inside. And you feel that people may take advantage of you or maybe even leave you alone when you are vulnerable. As difficult as it might be, taking the chance to get in touch with your feelings with someone you really trust can help your emotional wellbeing.

You Try To Be In Control Of Your Emotions But At Times Repress Them Up

Over a period of time, you might have been convinced that shedding a tear or saying that you are hurt is a sign of weakness. You combat with yourself to remain in control of your emotions, to stay emotionally rigid due to the perfectionist that you are. But being able to counter your fears in front of people, is the actual test of emotional strength, rather than ignore your genuine emotions and try to bury them away somewhere in your mind.

You Try To Avoid Arguments and Conflicts

Does not matter how difficult the situation is, you do everything to avoid getting into a tussle, specifically with someone close to you. You think that saying excessive or revealing your true feelings could get you trapped in unwanted arguments. However, in certain cases, having healthy discussions can boost your emotional bond with someone. When your requirements are equally met with that of the other individual, it can develop a cemented relationship.

You Believe That Whatever You Will Do Will Not Get Better

Post trying too hard to make things good, you may feel hopeless and totally given up on trying anymore. It is possible that you think your spouse, friend, or family member is too stubborn or ignorant to the way you feel. But it’s essential to ensure you have relationships where you can freely open-up without any fear of being judged or looked down upon.

You Carry The Burden Of Others, Despite It Hurts You

You prioritize the feelings of others before your own. And due to this, you willingly carry the burden of others while putting yours aside. You are first to show up and help others from the difficulties they are in but you never look out for help when you’re in need. Even when you are hurt, you show up for the people who matter to you. But at times, you need a break, too. You need a time where you can break down, allow your feelings out, and cry on someone’s shoulder who will calmly listen. Countering your feelings and coping with them can improve your relationship with yourself and others.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

It takes Two to Tango, as the saying goes. This perfectly fits the bill for a relationship to flourish. A relationship is a journey where two individuals need to live and grow in sync.

Marriage Counselor Shivani says a one-sided relationship has dire consequences for your emotional and even physical health. Once you are in one, it is very difficult to feel emotionally secure. You are constantly trying to make the relationship something that it could never be.

This conflict makes pave for stress, and stress hormones cause physical side effects including anxiety, depression, difficulty sleeping, hypervigilance, irritability and overall feeling internally keyed up. One-sided relationships take a huge toll, and yet mostly continue far longer than they ought to be.

In this blog, India’s top Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo is saying to take a moment to think if your relationship is one-sided and, if yes, look to overcome this pattern by trying out the things given below.

Counselor Shivani says here are some of the signs that indicate your relationship is one-sided

·       You never feel safe within the relationship.

·       You over-analyze and second-guess your partner’s real motives.

·       You always feel you are lacking in some way.

·       You always initiate deepening the relationship, to no avail.

·       You do not share your real feelings with your partner.

·       You feel empty post your interactions.

·       You do the entire work to maintain the relationship.

·       You believe you have already invested excessively in the relationship that you have to make it to keep alive and cannot leave.

·       You feel that your relationship is a house of cards.

·       You feel that your self-esteem depends as long as the relationship lasts.

·       You do not feel genuinely known by your partner.

·       You make excuses for your partner.

·       You are fearful of upsetting your partner or of causing conflict.

·       You settle for small bursts of connection although you crave more intimacy from your partner.

·       You worry about the time you will see or talk to your partner again.

·       You are always distracted by your relationship dynamics and hence, cannot focus on other dimensions of your life or be present in them.

·       You enjoy moments with your partner, but once the interaction is over, you feel alone and lonely.

·       You are not growing as an individual.

·       You are not genuine with your partner because you look to ensure he/she stays happy with you.

·       If you express yourself, your spouse turns the tables on you and you end up with a feeling that you are the cause of the entire problem in your relationship.

Counselor Shivani says if you identify or feel familiar with more of these signs then you would like, begin undoing the pattern by attempting this exercise. Ask yourself the given questions and be brutally honest with yourself:

·       How many times have you repeated this pattern of one-sided relationships in your life?

·       Did you ever have a one-sided relationship with a parent/friend/caregiver while growing up (in which it was always more about those than it was about you)?

·       Can you see a relationship in which your needs were met, and how well that felt to you, or imagine how that may feel if you were in one?

·       What keeps you acting so hard and not allowing go or moving onto something more emotionally fulfilling?

·       If you are working to feel secure and complete, look for if there is another way to get these very normal basic needs met.

·       If you were to call off the relationship, how would you fill the void in a manner that would be deeper and more fulfilling for you?

·       Are you working to without availing on something that drains out your energy and resources without much or any payoff for you?

·       Do one-sided relationships show your lack of self-esteem? Are you coupling with individuals or people who keep you stuck not feeling so great about yourself?

·       What could you do that will provide more and fill your part more than this relationship?

·       Can you begin to identify when you are overworking in the relationship and rather step back and let it go?

It may sound bitter or uncomfortable. But uncoupling from one-sided relationships demands work but it is possible. The initial step is to recognize that you are in one. The next is to start considering other methods you can feel good about yourself and what you need, separate from your relationship, to have a pleasant life.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

When you are in a relationship, it is quite easy to shift all the blame on your partner even if you know it is not completely their fault. After all, nobody ever truly wants to be wrong. But when you are in a relationship, it is essential to sacrifice being correct for the good of the relationship. If you don’t, marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says the blame game can damage your relationship.

Blaming, specifically the constant blaming is a quite unhealthy communication style and mostly leads to one fighting unfairly and bringing in the past into the present arguments.

Playing the blame game is quite common. But that does not make it healthy. In fact, relationship expert Shivani says blaming is never a positive thing and is generally a sign of an unhealthy relationship dynamic. This can vary from everyday things to major things. More often than not, it is not about the ‘what’ you are blamed for, but rather the ‘why’ you are being blamed or needing to blame. For example, if one partner has a difficult time owning up to their mistakes, he/she will push the accountability on someone else.

Nothing positive can ever really come out of blaming your other half. So in this blog, India’s top Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo say what you can do to stop the blame game from sabotaging your relationship.

Identify When You Are Being Blamed And Discuss It

If one of you feels like you are being blamed for something, bring this up. Reach to the root of why your spouse is making you feel like you have done something wrong. Make it known and grab it as soon as possible. When left unattended, it can start to become a pattern in the relationship that is seen as normal. Patterns of blaming could lead to unhealthy and potentially toxic relationship styles. To prevent getting stuck in a blame game cycle, never call your partner out on it. Use “I” statements rather, such as “I feel like you are blaming me for something and I need to understand why.

Always Remind Yourself That Your Partner Is Not You

Sometimes all it takes is a small shift in mindset. Accepting that your partner is distinct from you can be an essential reframing. So always remind yourself, your partner is different, not necessarily wrong. Then, have a calm discussion in an attempt to understand where your partner is coming from. If you don’t, it’s normal to end the discussion by agreeing to disagree.

Talk Honestly About Your Expectations

When couples find themselves engulfed in the blame game, it is mostly because they and/or their spouse have implicit expectations about specific things that must be happening in the relationship or the manner that their partner must or must not be behaving. It is essential to remember that your partner is not a mind reader. They may assume to know what you need, but they won’t ever really know unless you openly let them know. Recognizing what these expectations are, and voicing them to your partner is crucial in breaking this pattern. A conversation about the expectations can help to put the blame game on the backtrack.

Active Listening

Be open, curious, and truly listen to your partner. As difficult as it might be, do not say anything while your partner shares their side of the story. If you provide them an opportunity to speak and actually listen to what they are saying, you can avoid a big argument.

Practice Gratitude

The antidote to criticism and blaming is to opt to focus on enjoying each other more. When everything’s annoying, that is a litmus test that is telling you are not focusing enough on positive input. So, practice gratitude. Think about all the various things you love about your partner every day and express your appreciation. When you continuously see your partner in a good light, you are less possibly to blame, criticize, or lash out in hurtful ways.

Know That You Cannot Control How Your Partner Reacts, But You Can Control Yourself

The simplest way to get stuck playing the blame game is to keep throwing accusations to and fro. While you cannot control what your partner says or does, but you can control yourself. It’s essential to remember that you are still individuals, two individuals who together make up one couple. You still have the right to speak up, shift away from a situation that you do not like, or simply leave altogether.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

When it comes to your marriage or dating, there are plenty of things that can go wrong. But sometimes it is not what you are doing that is causing problems in your relationship. It is the parents. Whether yours or your partner’s, parents can definitely have a way of butting in where they must not and can turn your relationship bitter.

This blog by India’s top Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Family Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo speaks specifically about how your or his parents are ruining your relationship.

The Models of Love Parents Provided 

Parents shape their kid’s future love lives from the very beginning. The manner you’re raised and the atmosphere in which you grew up impacts the way you perceive, feel, and give love. 

One learns about love from his/her parents. It is part of the authority that parents get. Whether you move towards the model of love that your parents provide for you or you move away from it, it remains their model that you base your assumptions on. 

So, it is a wise thing to be aware of those things while you act in your relationship.

Crossing Limits and Lines of Communication

A huge way that parents interfere in their adult child’s relationship is by crossing limits and proper lines of communication, such as reaching out straight to their child’s partner to provide their two cents about how the relationship, or even having other family members involved. 

Any moment a parent reaches out to their child’s partner or their kid’s partner’s family, there are boundaries being crossed. It is quite dangerous once you do that. If they have any doubts about the relationship they must be taking it to their child, not to their child’s partner or his parents.

Though it is totally normal for a parent to give their child relationship advice, it is a bit right to go any further. A romantic relationship is just for the people in that relationship to work on, not their parents. A parent may even mean good by doing this, but it is detrimental and cause awkwardness. If you feel your partner’s parents or your parents are too hands-on, never be afraid to talk to your partner about it. If you do not, it will just keep happening.  

Overly Attached

The biggest of all “The Mama’s Boy or The Daddy’s Little Girl.” At least, this is what bothers many. And let us be real, anyone who has been in a relationship with a person like this knows how awful it could get. To be clear, it is not bad for a man or woman to love or interact with their father or mother, but it is when the bond is way too strong; one can also say aggressive. 

The worst method [to interfere] is when they’re a mama’s boy or daddy’s little girl and the mom or dad is simply competing with the wife or husband. When you’re the woman and [his] mom’s interfering, she looks to be the confidant to him. Rather than encouraging him to go to you and build that relationship, she perceives you as a threat. 

When the mom or dad interferes to a large extent, it’s not only intrusive but it’s way creepy. This sort of over-involvement and over-attachment can also simply ruin your relationship.

Pushing Their Problems On You Or Your Partner 

When an individual’s parents are having marital issues, it might be hard on them in several ways, including their romantic relationships. While a marriage dissolve can provide a person with a cynical outlook on their own love lives. 

While a divorce like an experience can influence them in terms of the parent saying, you must avoid people like your dad or mom, making stereotypes in that regard. It’s absolutely important for parents to know their problems, so they do not put them on their own kids. Even if it is not their marital problems, parents can still push their problems onto their children and harm relationships. If even one of the parents has drinking, violence or anger problems, that will no doubt create stress and emotional issues. Your partner may feel like they have to be there more for their parents than they are for you. 

When such things happen, your partner has to be able to find out a way to get a balance in their life and keep it separate from those of their parents. This does not mean that they have to abandon their family, but they have to be able to identify the difference between your parents’ relationship and your own relationship. Simply, because your parents might be dysfunctional, doesn’t mean that your relationship needs to be.

Forcing Family Expectation in the Name of Tradition

If your partner belongs to a different culture than you do or their parents are quite strict about their family lifestyle and expectations, your relationship could be doomed from the beginning. Plenty of times, it has been seen that particularly when younger ones are involved with people outside their parents’ group, a person outside of their socio-economic class, different opinion. Yes, it could be anything but the families do not necessarily see it that way. They look at it preserving their beliefs. For instance, Indian parents tend to be forcing their kids by what age they ought to have a baby as in their family, they have a certain trend that by a certain age everyone became parents, and so on. 

Ultimately, it is your and your partner’s decision. So try to avoid such sort of expectations when it is unnecessarily being forcing on you.

Making Special Occasions Problematic

In spite of the joy, they are supposed to provide, holidays could be some of the toughest days of the year. Spending the entire day with your whole family could be taxing on its own, but holidays can create problems in relationships as well. You might feel like you must spend the holidays with your significant other, but your or her family may be hellbent on having your partner entirely to themselves. Or in case they are also holidaying with you, their interference regarding what to eat and where to travel can be real mood spoilers. Holidays are a rare opportunity that fosters bonding for a couple but when it is denied it spells trouble.

Having respective parents are fine but if your partner is trying to prevent it then it is a big warning sign. And later it can really escalate the problem.

Showing Up Frequently

As a couple you need time alone together. However, it can be spoiled if your or his parents frequently visit you and that too all of a sudden. They may even turn up when you are trying to have quiet private time that eventually hampers your bonding. This may give rise to the thought of not having enough freedom and it feels suffocating. So better watch out for this sign.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Many people cannot wait for the night to come so that they can go to bed and enjoy a resting until the morning, specifically, if they have a good quality mattress beneath them, the one that can give a good night’s rest. But for a few, that is a quite scary, almost a horrifying experience. Yes, here counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is talking about the fear of sleep, or as it is also called Somniphobia, that can make your life miserable and affect your both physical and mental well-being.

For persons who have this phobia, the idea of falling asleep is unimaginable. There is no logical explanation for this, but for some reason, they are afraid to fall asleep and that they will never get up because something terrible might happen, or that the same old nightmare will be waiting to haunt them as soon as they close their eyes.

What is Somniphobia?

This phobia has several names such as hypnophobia, clinophobia, somniphobia, sleep dread, and sleep anxiety. It is an irrational fear of falling asleep because of what may happen while you are unconscious. The general scenario implies an individual worrying all day long about having to go to sleep, and then, when the moment arrives, their anxiety levels are so high that their body cannot relax enough for them actually to get some rest.

It is clear that at a certain point, the person will fall asleep, but their resting moment will be of low quality and frequently disturbed. If that pattern keeps happening, and it nearly always does when it comes to this phobia, after a certain time, the health of the individual will be jeopardized. So, if you recognize yourself in these steps, you need to know how to overcome somniphobia, because it is not a matter to ignore and it can have serious implications after some time.

Through this blog, India’s leading Psychologist and Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about somniphobia and how to overcome it.

Things that Causes Somniphobia or Fear of Sleep

There could be various for this phobia Here are some prominent ones.

·         Anxiety

·         Nightmares

·         Fear of Death

·         Sleepwalking

·         Sleep Talking

·         Sleep Paralysis

·         Trauma

·         Horror Movies or Stories

Fear of Falling Asleep Symptoms

Your body is always telling you if something is a bit right, one way or another. You need to listen to it properly, pay attention to every detail, and changes it goes through because it can lead you to the core of the issue. When it comes to your sleep deprivation caused due to fear of falling asleep, these are infallible signs. They are:

·         Daytime Sleepiness

·         Mood Swings

·         Memory Loss

·         Chronic Fatigue

Other Symptoms

Some of your body reactions will not so clearly point to having this sort of problem, but if you noticed some of those repeating actions, and you are aware you have been deprived of sleep, you need to think about consulting with the professional.

If you begin feeling distressed as the night time and the bedtime inches closer if you counter the urge to sleep and look to stay up as late as possible if you feel panic attacks or trouble breathing when the night arrives, this could be the problem you are facing. Also, if you find it hard to think about anything else, then the fear of sleep, or have a problem remembering stuff, it is likely you have clinophobia.

On the other side, some symptoms could be extreme nausea or other stomach issues when the time for bed comes, just as the feeling of great pressure around the chest area, and faster heart rate after a minute or two spent in the bed. It might happen you experience things like hyperventilation, extreme sweating, and shaking, while children can start crying and screaming when their parents look to leave the room.

Some Individuals often tend to consume drinks or some other substances in order to get sleep. Some have strict rules that require to be applied, such as leaving television, lights, and the music on to distract them.

Is There Any Risk Factor?

If you or someone in your family who suffers or suffered from some kind of phobia or extreme anxiety, it is more likely for you to have this specific phobia of sleeping or some other. Though there are no clear thing claiming there is a genetic link, but the reality is chances are increased.

Also, having one of several sleep disorders or a serious medical condition might be a factor of higher somniphobia risk. For instance, if you have a heart-related problem that could lead to death, you may start being afraid of that happening in the night while you are asleep. Eventually, that kind of fear can lead to sleep phobia.

Consulting a professional is the best thing you can do if suspecting you have this sort of problem. They will need primarily to diagnose it properly, and then they will assist you to overcome it. It is not something that will go away all of a sudden, without help, and it is serious enough to impact your physical and mental health, as well as your regular life.

How Can You Treat Somniphobia?

Once it comes to a conclusion on the main source of your phobia, the therapist prescribes you a certain treatment. They could be:

Exposure Therapy

This kind of therapy includes working with a psychologist on exposing your fear and slowly overcoming it. This means talking about the fear, experimenting with some relaxing techniques, and thinking about what it will mean to have a good night’s rest. Sometimes this method may include spending time in a sleep lab or with a professional who stays there while you sleep.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is based on your counter and challenging the bad thoughts that stop you from sleeping peacefully. That could be pointed to thoughts related to sleep itself or towards the fear that forces you not wanting to go to bed. Usually, the therapist will recommend a sleep restriction method, which means that you required to go to bed and get up every day at the same time, irrespective if you have slept or not.

Medication

There are not medications for phobia, but some of them can decrease anxiety and other symptoms. If there is no other method, then depending on your condition you may be prescribed some medicine.

Conclusion

People who have never experienced something like this cannot probably understand what you are going through, the agony of feeling extremely fatigued but countering the urge to sleep so hard while experiencing all sorts of unpleasant symptoms. The vital thing is not to develop a stigma around it, but to accept you have an issue, the one that is not so uncommon as you thought and is treatable. Be aware that if you keep continuing to ignore it, as several people tend to, you will keep exposing your body to extreme levels of stress that could and most likely will lead to some sort of health problem.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.