Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Finding love in today’s digital world can feel like a thrilling adventure or a daunting challenge. With just a swipe or a click, you can meet potential partners from across the globe. But how do you cut through the noise of endless profiles to find someone who genuinely aligns with your goals? While dating apps have made the process convenient, they’ve also introduced complexities that weren’t present in the era of handwritten love letters or classic movie nights of the 1980s.

How do you navigate this modern maze of romance? Can creating the right dating profile really be the key to finding someone special—and perhaps, even leading to marriage?

To answer these questions, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, India’s top couples therapist and relationship counsellor shares her expert tips to craft a dating profile that reflects your true self and attracts the right kind of partner for a meaningful, lasting relationship.

1. Be Authentic when creating your dating profile

Perhaps the first and foremost thing to do when creating a dating profile is to be honest and authentic. Misrepresenting yourself or pretending to be flawless won’t help you find the right person. Be clear about what you want, whether it’s companionship or a lifelong partner, and embrace your imperfections with self-respect. Authenticity is magnetic and shows you value yourself and your journey. Being genuine helps attract someone who truly appreciates you for who you are.

2. Add Your Hobbies and Interests to Your Dating Profile

Always remember, that a successful dating profile should be fun, inviting, and full of personality. Use the 3 Cs— colour, context, and character—to tell your story and stand out. Highlight your hobbies, interests, and how you spend weekends. Focus on passions, like things you love doing, rather than problems.

Take advantage of the dating apps, to add details about work, family, and favourite activities. Keep it lighthearted and engaging to make online dating enjoyable for you and your matches.

3. Get To Know Your Potential Partner

Many times, while creating an attractive dating profile, we focus on showcasing ourselves but forget to express interest in knowing our potential partner. People value being known and supported, especially by romantic partners, where this understanding feels unique. Research shows that the most appealing profiles highlight a genuine desire to know and support a partner. The promise of being truly understood attracts others, as the need to feel known is a fundamental human desire.

4. Do Not Leave Any Gaps

Incomplete dating profiles are a big letdown. They show a lack of effort and interest, which can leave a poor first impression. First impressions matter, especially on dating apps, where your profile is the only way strangers get to know you.

Don’t approach it with a defeatist attitude, thinking it won’t work. A pessimistic outlook is never attractive and will only drive potential matches away. Take the time to complete your profile thoughtfully—it’s worth it.

5. Post Current Photo

Your face is a mirror to your mind, reflecting your true self. It’s important to be remembered for who you are today, not how you looked years ago in high school. Always post current photos when dating, as your partner wants to see the real you.

Outdated pictures often lead to mismatched expectations and disappointment. Include a mix of photos like headshots, full-body shots, and candid moments that reveal your hobbies and personality. Use clear, well-lit, high-resolution images. Avoid filters, as they can create a false impression. Show your true self with confidence.

6. Make Your Intentions Clear

There is no need to play hide and seek with your potential dating partner. Be upfront about your expectations from the start. If you’re unsure about what you want, it’s okay to admit it. Say that you’d like to explore compatibility and see where the relationship leads. If you’re someone who doesn’t enjoy mind games, make it clear what that means for you. Let them know you want a connection without unnecessary drama, chaos, or emotional baggage. Honesty sets the right foundation for any relationship.

In a nutshell, creating an effective dating profile requires authenticity, showcasing your hobbies and interests, and expressing a genuine desire to know your potential partner. Complete your profile thoughtfully, post current photos, and be clear about your intentions. By embracing these tips, you can craft a profile that reflects your true self and attracts a meaningful, lasting connection.

In an ever-evolving world of dating and relationships, new terms and concepts often emerge to describe different behaviours and experiences. One of those terms gaining attention is “floodlighting.” In dating contexts, floodlighting means the act of overwhelming your partner or potential romantic interest having intense emotions, personal confessions, or deep vulnerabilities pretty early in the relationship.

This could create a sense of emotional overload, leaving the other person feeling pressured or uncertain about the rapid progression of intimacy, discloses leading couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

What is Floodlighting?

Floodlighting is mostly driven by an urge for a deep connection, but it could inadvertently push people instead of bringing them closer. It usually happens when one person shares highly personal or emotionally heavy details about his/her life too soon in the relationship. This may include discussing past traumas, fears, insecurities, or deep intimate experiences before the base of trust has been established.

While openness and vulnerability are important in any healthy relationship, floodlighting happens when these aspects are introduced at an excessive pace. The receiver of the floodlighting might feel caught off guard, uncertain of how to respond, or even burdened with emotional responsibility that they are not currently prepared to handle.

What are the Signs of Floodlighting in Dating?

If you are puzzling about whether you or someone you are dating is engaging in floodlighting, here are some of the common signs:

1. Excessive Sharing Too Soon – Talk about your deeply personal experiences, past traumas, or unsolved emotional wounds within the first few dates.
2. Intense Emotional Expression – Displaying love, commitment, or deep feelings of attachment way too early in the relationship.
3. Seeking Instant Emotional Validation – Expecting your partner to reciprocate the same level of emotional intensity straight away.
4. Overwhelming Conversations – Making each conversation about deep, serious, or emotionally charged subjects rather than allowing natural progression.
5. Forming Unbalanced Emotional Dynamics – Making the other partner feel responsible for emotional support prior to a strong bond being formed.

Why Do People Floodlight?

Floodlighting could stem from several psychological and emotional factors, that include:

• Insecurity or Fear of Rejection – Certain individuals might floodlight in an effort to fast-track intimacy and look for reassurance.
• Past Emotional Neglect – Those individuals who have felt unheard or unvalidated in earlier relationships might use floodlighting as a mechanism to seek immediate emotional connection.
• Attachment Styles – A person with anxious attachment styles usually struggles with pacing emotional disclosure, leading towards floodlighting.
• Romantic Idealization – A few believe that love must be instant and intense, making them rush emotional intimacy.

How to Avoid Floodlighting in Dating?

If you identify floodlighting tendencies in yourself or a partner, think of these strategies to form a healthier emotional connection:

• Pace Your Emotional Sharing – Develop intimacy slowly and naturally rather than disclosing too much too soon.
• Practice Self-Awareness – Identify when your emotions are driving your actions and take a step back if necessary.
• Form Mutual Comfort Levels – Make sure both partners feel comfortable having the level of emotional depth being shared.
• Concentrate on Enjoying the Moment – Rather than rushing to form deep connections, allow time for the relationship to form organically.

Floodlighting in dating is a conduct that stems from a genuine urge for closeness, but it could often backfire due to an overwhelming romantic interest. Healthy relationships need a balanced way to emotional sharing, letting both partners feel safe, secure, easy, and engaged without any undue pressure. By being aware of emotional pacing and forming natural connections, individuals could form stronger, more lasting relationships sans the unintended outcomes of floodlighting.

Dating can swing from exhilarating to downright frustrating. Among the many toxic trends in the modern dating world—ghosting, breadcrumbing, and zombieing—“sledging” stands out for its premeditated and manipulative nature. Rooted in a lack of genuine intent, sledging involves someone deliberately entering a relationship with plans to end it after a specific time, often right after the holiday season.

Let’s dive into this harmful trend, with insights from India’s top couples therapist and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, and explore how you can protect yourself from falling victim to it.

What Is Sledging in Dating?

Sledging refers to being strung along in a relationship solely to serve the other person’s temporary needs. The term captures the image of dragging someone emotionally, like pulling a sledge through the winter, with no intention of continuing the relationship after the holidays. Sledgers often decide months in advance to break up, wasting their partner’s time and leaving them blindsided when the relationship abruptly ends. Unlike the cozy bonds of cuffing season, sledging is purely for convenience and leaves the victim hurt and unfulfilled.

Why Do People Engage in Sledging?

Seeking Winter Companionship – Winter can feel isolating, and the festive season amplifies loneliness for many. To avoid being alone, some seek temporary relationships to fill the emotional void, valuing short-term comfort over long-term commitment.

Social Pressures During Festive Events – Holidays come with numerous social gatherings, and being single at these events can feel awkward. Many enter relationships to have a “plus one” for parties, family dinners, or holiday photos, prioritizing appearances over authenticity.

Fear of Commitment – The perks of companionship without emotional investment appeal to those wary of long-term commitments due to past heartaches or fear of vulnerability.

Ego Boost and Validation – For some, the thrill of attracting a partner and basking in their affection serves as an ego boost. The relationship itself is less important than the validation they derive from being desired.

Societal Expectations – Pressure from society—and social media—to appear in a relationship during the holidays drives people to engage in flings for show, rather than pursuing meaningful connections.

Avoiding Emotional Vulnerability
By keeping relationships superficial, sledgers shield themselves from the risks of deep emotional connections, enjoying the benefits of a relationship while keeping their feelings at arm’s length.

Red Flags of Sledging

• Mixed Signals – Early attention and communication wane over time, leaving interactions feeling shallow and routine.

• Reluctance to Discuss the Future – Your partner avoids making long-term plans, signalling a lack of serious intent.

• Focus on Instant Gratification – Sledgers prioritize immediate pleasure, showing little interest in building a lasting connection.

• Lack of Emotional Depth – Superficial conversations and avoidance of vulnerability suggest emotional detachment.

• Over-the-Top Affection Early On – An initial flood of affection (love bombing) may mask manipulative intentions.

How to Protect Yourself from Sledging in a Relationship?

• Seek Authentic Connections – Focus on shared interests and mutual goals to foster genuine relationships.

• Communicate Openly – Be honest about your relationship expectations and encourage the same from your partner.

• Avoid Treating or Being Treated as a Placeholder – Refuse to settle for a relationship built on convenience or seasonal loneliness.

• Resist Societal Pressures – Being single is a valid choice; your worth isn’t tied to your relationship status.

• Set Boundaries – Discuss needs and goals early. If there’s a misalignment, agree on a respectful exit strategy.

• Embrace Being Single – Singlehood can provide opportunities for personal growth and self-confidence, laying the foundation for future healthy relationships. It’s vital to focus on relationships rooted in authenticity rather than fleeting convenience. Sledging might seem like a harmless trend, but it creates emotional harm and robs people of opportunities for real connection. By prioritizing open communication, self-respect, and emotional honesty, you can protect yourself and build meaningful, lasting bonds.

Did you think that only unmarried couples embark on romantic dates? Think again. As relationships mature, passion may dwindle. Whether you’ve been wed for years or just tied the knot, it is essential for married couples to continue nurturing their romantic connection. From unconventional outings to cozy home evenings, you can make these moments special for each other.

What could be some of the romantic night ideas?

Marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares innovative date night ideas to rejuvenate passion and keep the flame alive in long-term relationships.

1. Take a Simple Walk

Sometimes, amidst life’s complexities, a simple walk becomes a serene voyage for married couples. Engaging in unhurried strolls, hand in hand, under the moonlit sky fosters an intimate atmosphere. The unhurried pace allows for genuine conversations, rekindling the flame of connection and developing a renewed sense of shared companionship.

2. Plan A Romantic Movie Night

Sometimes, the simplest joys rekindle the flames of romance. Sharing a movie night at home, carefully curating a watchlist, and preparing snacks together not only offer comfort but also a chance to reminisce. Under the stars or in a cozy home cinema, this shared experience becomes a nostalgic journey, evoking emotions from the early days, building connections, and igniting the spark of love anew.

3. Art can create magic in your relationship

Engaging in artistic activities as a couple fosters a unique bond, rekindling romance through shared creativity. Whether attending a painting class or trying DIY projects at home, the collaborative process creates special memories.

Embracing imperfections, like sketching a partner in a funny costume, becomes a testament to the love invested. Art serves as a medium for connection, rekindling the spark and weaving a tapestry of shared experiences in marriage.

4. Add Melody to your relationship

Ever wondered how a simple Karaoke night could reignite the spark in your marriage? Singing together isn’t just about hitting the right notes; it’s a shared journey of laughter, vulnerability, and rediscovery. Embrace the imperfect melodies, and you’ll find that these harmonious moments foster a deeper connection, rekindling the romance that initially brought you two together.

5. Playing games

Did you know that playing games can spice up your marriage? Embracing your inner child through board games not only adds fun but also sparks joy and connection. It’s like a playful escape from reality, creating moments that rekindle the romance. So, why not ditch the mundane, pick a favorite game, and let the laughter and competition weave a new chapter of togetherness in your love story?

6. Let’s Cook Together

Whisking up a homemade feast together, from sizzling steaks to decadent desserts, turns your kitchen into a love-filled haven. As you chop, stir, and savor, the aroma of shared efforts creates a bond that goes beyond the dining table. Cooking as a couple not only ignites the stove but also sparks the flames of romance, reminding you both of the sweet symphony that first drew you close.

7. Read together

Sharing the joy of reading can reignite the spark in a marriage by creating intimate moments. As you both immerse yourselves in love sonnets or captivating stories, the shared experience builds a unique connection.

The act of reading together promotes intimacy, evoking emotions that revive the romantic essence. It’s a simple, yet profound, way to rediscover the enchantment that initially brought you together, making it a cherished date night activity.

From simple walks encouraging genuine conversations to artistic activities, movie nights, music, games, cooking, and reading together—each suggestion provides a unique avenue for couples to rekindle the flame, strengthening the bond of love.