Dating can swing from exhilarating to downright frustrating. Among the many toxic trends in the modern dating world—ghosting, breadcrumbing, and zombieing—“sledging” stands out for its premeditated and manipulative nature. Rooted in a lack of genuine intent, sledging involves someone deliberately entering a relationship with plans to end it after a specific time, often right after the holiday season.
Let’s dive into this harmful trend, with insights from India’s top couples therapist and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, and explore how you can protect yourself from falling victim to it.
What Is Sledging in Dating?
Sledging refers to being strung along in a relationship solely to serve the other person’s temporary needs. The term captures the image of dragging someone emotionally, like pulling a sledge through the winter, with no intention of continuing the relationship after the holidays. Sledgers often decide months in advance to break up, wasting their partner’s time and leaving them blindsided when the relationship abruptly ends. Unlike the cozy bonds of cuffing season, sledging is purely for convenience and leaves the victim hurt and unfulfilled.
Why Do People Engage in Sledging?
Seeking Winter Companionship – Winter can feel isolating, and the festive season amplifies loneliness for many. To avoid being alone, some seek temporary relationships to fill the emotional void, valuing short-term comfort over long-term commitment.
Social Pressures During Festive Events – Holidays come with numerous social gatherings, and being single at these events can feel awkward. Many enter relationships to have a “plus one” for parties, family dinners, or holiday photos, prioritizing appearances over authenticity.
Fear of Commitment – The perks of companionship without emotional investment appeal to those wary of long-term commitments due to past heartaches or fear of vulnerability.
Ego Boost and Validation – For some, the thrill of attracting a partner and basking in their affection serves as an ego boost. The relationship itself is less important than the validation they derive from being desired.
Societal Expectations – Pressure from society—and social media—to appear in a relationship during the holidays drives people to engage in flings for show, rather than pursuing meaningful connections.
Avoiding Emotional Vulnerability
By keeping relationships superficial, sledgers shield themselves from the risks of deep emotional connections, enjoying the benefits of a relationship while keeping their feelings at arm’s length.
Red Flags of Sledging
- Mixed Signals – Early attention and communication wane over time, leaving interactions feeling shallow and routine.
- Reluctance to Discuss the Future – Your partner avoids making long-term plans, signalling a lack of serious intent.
- Focus on Instant Gratification – Sledgers prioritize immediate pleasure, showing little interest in building a lasting connection.
- Lack of Emotional Depth – Superficial conversations and avoidance of vulnerability suggest emotional detachment.
- Over-the-Top Affection Early On – An initial flood of affection (love bombing) may mask manipulative intentions.
How to Protect Yourself from Sledging in a Relationship?
- Seek Authentic Connections – Focus on shared interests and mutual goals to foster genuine relationships.
- Communicate Openly – Be honest about your relationship expectations and encourage the same from your partner.
- Avoid Treating or Being Treated as a Placeholder – Refuse to settle for a relationship built on convenience or seasonal loneliness.
- Resist Societal Pressures – Being single is a valid choice; your worth isn’t tied to your relationship status.
- Set Boundaries – Discuss needs and goals early. If there’s a misalignment, agree on a respectful exit strategy.
- Embrace Being Single – Singlehood can provide opportunities for personal growth and self-confidence, laying the foundation for future healthy relationships. It’s vital to focus on relationships rooted in authenticity rather than fleeting convenience. Sledging might seem like a harmless trend, but it creates emotional harm and robs people of opportunities for real connection. By prioritizing open communication, self-respect, and emotional honesty, you can protect yourself and build meaningful, lasting bonds.
