Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Dating can swing from exhilarating to downright frustrating. Among the many toxic trends in the modern dating world—ghosting, breadcrumbing, and zombieing—“sledging” stands out for its premeditated and manipulative nature. Rooted in a lack of genuine intent, sledging involves someone deliberately entering a relationship with plans to end it after a specific time, often right after the holiday season.

Let’s dive into this harmful trend, with insights from India’s top couples therapist and marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, and explore how you can protect yourself from falling victim to it.

What Is Sledging in Dating?

Sledging refers to being strung along in a relationship solely to serve the other person’s temporary needs. The term captures the image of dragging someone emotionally, like pulling a sledge through the winter, with no intention of continuing the relationship after the holidays. Sledgers often decide months in advance to break up, wasting their partner’s time and leaving them blindsided when the relationship abruptly ends. Unlike the cozy bonds of cuffing season, sledging is purely for convenience and leaves the victim hurt and unfulfilled.

Why Do People Engage in Sledging?

Seeking Winter Companionship – Winter can feel isolating, and the festive season amplifies loneliness for many. To avoid being alone, some seek temporary relationships to fill the emotional void, valuing short-term comfort over long-term commitment.

Social Pressures During Festive Events – Holidays come with numerous social gatherings, and being single at these events can feel awkward. Many enter relationships to have a “plus one” for parties, family dinners, or holiday photos, prioritizing appearances over authenticity.

Fear of Commitment – The perks of companionship without emotional investment appeal to those wary of long-term commitments due to past heartaches or fear of vulnerability.

Ego Boost and Validation – For some, the thrill of attracting a partner and basking in their affection serves as an ego boost. The relationship itself is less important than the validation they derive from being desired.

Societal Expectations – Pressure from society—and social media—to appear in a relationship during the holidays drives people to engage in flings for show, rather than pursuing meaningful connections.

Avoiding Emotional Vulnerability
By keeping relationships superficial, sledgers shield themselves from the risks of deep emotional connections, enjoying the benefits of a relationship while keeping their feelings at arm’s length.

Red Flags of Sledging

• Mixed Signals – Early attention and communication wane over time, leaving interactions feeling shallow and routine.

• Reluctance to Discuss the Future – Your partner avoids making long-term plans, signalling a lack of serious intent.

• Focus on Instant Gratification – Sledgers prioritize immediate pleasure, showing little interest in building a lasting connection.

• Lack of Emotional Depth – Superficial conversations and avoidance of vulnerability suggest emotional detachment.

• Over-the-Top Affection Early On – An initial flood of affection (love bombing) may mask manipulative intentions.

How to Protect Yourself from Sledging in a Relationship?

• Seek Authentic Connections – Focus on shared interests and mutual goals to foster genuine relationships.

• Communicate Openly – Be honest about your relationship expectations and encourage the same from your partner.

• Avoid Treating or Being Treated as a Placeholder – Refuse to settle for a relationship built on convenience or seasonal loneliness.

• Resist Societal Pressures – Being single is a valid choice; your worth isn’t tied to your relationship status.

• Set Boundaries – Discuss needs and goals early. If there’s a misalignment, agree on a respectful exit strategy.

• Embrace Being Single – Singlehood can provide opportunities for personal growth and self-confidence, laying the foundation for future healthy relationships. It’s vital to focus on relationships rooted in authenticity rather than fleeting convenience. Sledging might seem like a harmless trend, but it creates emotional harm and robs people of opportunities for real connection. By prioritizing open communication, self-respect, and emotional honesty, you can protect yourself and build meaningful, lasting bonds.

Hearing someone say, “I’ve never been in a relationship,” can be surprising in a world where dating is so common. While it might seem unusual, there are many reasons why someone might not have dated before. They might have been focused on their career, studies, or personal interests, or simply never felt the need for a relationship says relationship counselor Shivani Sadhoo.

If you’re interested in someone who has never been in a relationship, it can be both challenging and rewarding. They might be unfamiliar with relationship dynamics, including compromises, adjustments, and handling potential heartbreak.

What are some of the dating tips if he/she has never been in a relationship?

Here are some tips to help you date someone who is new to a relationship as explained by top couples therapist and relationship counselor in Delhi Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

Prioritizing Clear Communication 

Effective communication is essential. Someone who has never been in a relationship might not fully grasp its importance. Guide them on how to express their thoughts and feelings openly.

Maintain clear and honest communication to avoid misunderstandings. Help them understand the crucial role that communication plays in building a successful relationship.

Be Direct and Transparent 

Your partner might not be adept at picking up on subtle hints or reading between the lines.

Be straightforward about your feelings, needs, and expectations. Avoid assuming they “should know” certain things. Explain the meanings behind gestures and actions clearly, but do so gently and without aggression.

Appreciate Their Efforts 

Recognize and value their attempts to show affection, whether big or small. They might overdo or underperform in their efforts.

Help them understand that small gestures often hold more significance than grand displays. Positive reinforcement will encourage them to keep expressing their love in meaningful ways.

Establish and Respect Boundaries 

Boundaries are crucial in any relationship, but someone new to dating might not fully understand this.

Explain the importance of respecting each other’s space and limits. Help them establish and respect boundaries to create a healthy and balanced relationship.

Ignore External Intrusions 

Friends and peers might be overly curious or intrusive about their new relationship status.

This can be irritating, but try to ignore it. If it becomes overwhelming, discuss it with your partner and suggest they address it with their friends.

Combat Self-Doubt 

It’s natural for someone new to relationships to experience self-doubt. They might wonder why they haven’t been in a relationship before or why you are interested in them.

Reassure them and focus on the present rather than their past. Encourage self-confidence and affirm their worth.

Maintain Humility and Balance 

Avoid letting your relationship experience create an imbalance. Never think or say that you are an expert while they are inexperienced.

This attitude can undermine your relationship. Approach the relationship with humility and a willingness to learn together.

Handle Conflicts Maturely 

Disagreements are normal, but your partner might not know how to handle conflicts in a relationship.

Help them understand that arguments are a part of any relationship and that resolving them healthily is important. Practice patience and model mature conflict resolution.

Approach Future Talks Gradually 

Your partner might eagerly discuss future plans early on, not realizing that relationships typically progress gradually.

Gently explain that it’s important to let things develop naturally over time. Teach them to enjoy the journey without rushing into future commitments.

Discuss Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

Discuss your comfort levels with a PDA. They might be overly enthusiastic or hesitant about displaying affection in public.

Communicate openly about what works for both of you and find a middle ground that respects each other’s boundaries.

Dating someone who has never been in a relationship can be challenging, but with patience and understanding, it can also be a rewarding experience.

By focusing on clear communication, setting boundaries, and appreciating their efforts, you can help them navigate the complexities of a relationship. Remember, it takes time for someone new to relationships to learn and adapt, so be supportive and enjoy the journey together.

Did you think that only unmarried couples embark on romantic dates? Think again. As relationships mature, passion may dwindle. Whether you’ve been wed for years or just tied the knot, it is essential for married couples to continue nurturing their romantic connection. From unconventional outings to cozy home evenings, you can make these moments special for each other.

What could be some of the romantic night ideas?

Marriage counsellor, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares innovative date night ideas to rejuvenate passion and keep the flame alive in long-term relationships.

1. Take a Simple Walk

Sometimes, amidst life’s complexities, a simple walk becomes a serene voyage for married couples. Engaging in unhurried strolls, hand in hand, under the moonlit sky fosters an intimate atmosphere. The unhurried pace allows for genuine conversations, rekindling the flame of connection and developing a renewed sense of shared companionship.

2. Plan A Romantic Movie Night

Sometimes, the simplest joys rekindle the flames of romance. Sharing a movie night at home, carefully curating a watchlist, and preparing snacks together not only offer comfort but also a chance to reminisce. Under the stars or in a cozy home cinema, this shared experience becomes a nostalgic journey, evoking emotions from the early days, building connections, and igniting the spark of love anew.

3. Art can create magic in your relationship

Engaging in artistic activities as a couple fosters a unique bond, rekindling romance through shared creativity. Whether attending a painting class or trying DIY projects at home, the collaborative process creates special memories.

Embracing imperfections, like sketching a partner in a funny costume, becomes a testament to the love invested. Art serves as a medium for connection, rekindling the spark and weaving a tapestry of shared experiences in marriage.

4. Add Melody to your relationship

Ever wondered how a simple Karaoke night could reignite the spark in your marriage? Singing together isn’t just about hitting the right notes; it’s a shared journey of laughter, vulnerability, and rediscovery. Embrace the imperfect melodies, and you’ll find that these harmonious moments foster a deeper connection, rekindling the romance that initially brought you two together.

5. Playing games

Did you know that playing games can spice up your marriage? Embracing your inner child through board games not only adds fun but also sparks joy and connection. It’s like a playful escape from reality, creating moments that rekindle the romance. So, why not ditch the mundane, pick a favorite game, and let the laughter and competition weave a new chapter of togetherness in your love story?

6. Let’s Cook Together

Whisking up a homemade feast together, from sizzling steaks to decadent desserts, turns your kitchen into a love-filled haven. As you chop, stir, and savor, the aroma of shared efforts creates a bond that goes beyond the dining table. Cooking as a couple not only ignites the stove but also sparks the flames of romance, reminding you both of the sweet symphony that first drew you close.

7. Read together

Sharing the joy of reading can reignite the spark in a marriage by creating intimate moments. As you both immerse yourselves in love sonnets or captivating stories, the shared experience builds a unique connection.

The act of reading together promotes intimacy, evoking emotions that revive the romantic essence. It’s a simple, yet profound, way to rediscover the enchantment that initially brought you together, making it a cherished date night activity.

From simple walks encouraging genuine conversations to artistic activities, movie nights, music, games, cooking, and reading together—each suggestion provides a unique avenue for couples to rekindle the flame, strengthening the bond of love.