Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Leading Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo decodes the impact of our anxieties and sadness on our relationships and she reveals how counseling can help to rejuvenate the marriages

Anxiety and depression destroy relationships because they make a problem-causing cycle between two individuals trying to be together meaningfully. Both depression and anxiety can exterminate that meaning and replace it with mistrust. This forms relationship dissatisfaction, which in turn could exacerbate mental health struggles.

The bigger and stronger anxiety and depression get, the more stress engulfs the positives in a relationship. The vicious cycle continues until anxiety and depression end the relationship. This is not guaranteed, however. You can do things to support your mental health and your relationship, says Shivani Sadhoo.

Through this blog India’s top couples therapist and psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares how depression and anxiety affect a relationship and how counseling can help.

How do anxiety and depression impact relationships?

One of the strongest contributing factors to the vicious cycle of depression, anxiety, and romantic relationship distress is perspective. How you view and interpret people and circumstances greatly impacts your relationship. One of the issues with depression and anxiety is that they engulf and darken perspectives. In a relationship, this jagged perception can do quite a bit of damage, like:

• Corrupt thoughts and making negative thinking patterns are the go-to methods of interpreting the relationship and partner.
• Making negative emotions about issues magnified by anxiety or depression.
• Making hurtful misunderstandings and misinterpretations of words, body language, and conduct.
• Enhanced negative beliefs, including dissatisfaction with each other and the overall relationship.

When a person experiences depression, anxiety, or both, their clouded perceptions start to influence their actions in their relationship. Negative thoughts and emotions could be hurtful and frustrating, but on their own, they are not enough to damage a relationship. It is when they start to impact choices and actions that a hole in a relationship turns into a deep chasm. You may notice some of these problems or similar ones in yourself, your spouse, and your relationship:

• You do not connect because you or your partner are afraid of intimacy.
• You do not connect since you or your partner is too exhausted.
• You constantly argue, bicker, and blame because of irritability and anger created by either anxiety or depression.
• One or both of you has withdrawn, so you are no longer present together in the relationship.
• Sexual affection and tender moments have ended.
• One or both of you has given up other friendships and interests, creating isolation, guilt, and resentment (when one of the partners does this due to depression and anxiety, it negatively influences the other).
• Criticism starts to replace caring words.

Depression, anxiety, and relationships are a lethal combination. Two caring entities who were once in love can become exhausted and disappointed. This could destroy any relationship. That is the worst news. The great news is that if you live with anxiety and depression, your relationship is not automatically doomed.

How to help relationships being damaged due to depression and anxiety

Anxiety, depression, and relationships go to and fro together. While this could be problematic when the cycle goes down into the deep chasm that has happened in your relationship, this associated movement provides a wonderful opportunity to help and heal.

Remember that negative cycle of depression, anxiety, and relationship dissatisfaction and distress? You are able to turn that same cycle into a positive one. By acting, even in a little manner, in one aspect you simultaneously support the others. When you and your significant one do things to reduce anxiety or depression, they both improve.

As these mental health struggles lose strength bit by bit, your perception regarding your relationship shifts. You are able to witness it more positively. Then that healthier relationship helps anxiety and depression.

One of the most essential ways to help depression, anxiety, and your relationship is for you and your partner to fully reconnect with each other.

If you have ever been the victim of infidelity, the first thing you probably asked was, “why?” The outcomes of infidelity are numerous, and it is just natural to seek to know why your partner opts to cheat, even if knowing why does not bring you any relief. There might be any number of reasons, and there are several kinds of infidelity and cheating that could shed some light on those reasons, opines Shivani.

Infidelity, or cheating, is an act of being unfaithful to your partner. It usually, means engaging in sexual or romantic relations with another person other than his or her significant other, damaging a commitment or promise in the act.

Each instance of infidelity is different and fulfills a distinct need. Even though knowing why a partner cheated probably would not lessen any pain or anger you feel, being capable to rationalize the behavior and define it will allay some confusion. It could also help you feel more confident in terms of how to move forward from the situation, whether that means working on healing your relationship or moving on or should you decide to split up.

What are the five different kinds of infidelity?

Learn more through this blog by India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo where she explains five forms of cheating and things to do if you find yourself the victim of infidelity. Here are the types:

Opportunistic Infidelity

Opportunistic infidelity happens when one person is in love and attached to their partner, but succumbs to their sexual urge and desire for someone else. Generally, this sort of cheating is driven through situational circumstances or opportunity, risk-taking conduct. Shivani says not every act of infidelity is premeditated and forced by dissatisfaction with a current relationship. Perhaps, two individuals were drinking or in some other manner thrown into an opportunity they never anticipated.

Post the fact, the more in love a person is with their significant other, the more guilt they will feel as a result of their physical encounter. However, feelings of guilt seem to fade as the fear of being caught abates.

Obligatory infidelity

This sort of infidelity is formed on the fear that resisting someone’s sexual advances will have an outcome in rejection. People might have feelings of sexual longing, love, and attachment for a partner, but still, end up cheating since they have a strong requirement for approval. Also, their need for approval could cause them to act in a manner that is at odds compared to their other feelings. In simple words, some people cheat, not due to the fact they want to cheat, but because they require the approval that comes besides having the attention of others.

Commemorative Infidelity

This kind of infidelity happens when a person is in a committed relationship but has no feelings for their other half. There is no sexual desire, love, or attachment, just a sense of obligation to keep the couple together. Lacking love and lacking commitment to a present romantic partner are both linked to general feelings of relationship dissatisfaction.

These kinds of people justify cheating by telling themselves they have every right to look for what they are not availing of in their present relationship. Unfulfilled sexual needs could easily come into play here. Perhaps, in their established relationship, individuals are not engaging in the frequency of sex, the pattern of sex, or certain sexual behaviors that they aspire to. This could contribute to their logic to cheat.

Romantic Infidelity

At times (but not always) a deficit in a present relationship leads people to have extradyadic affairs. This sort of infidelity happens when the cheater has a small emotional attachment to their partner. They might be committed to their marriage and making it work, but they desire an intimate, loving connection with someone else.

More than possibly, their commitment to the marriage will stop them from ever leaving their spouse. Romantic infidelity means agony for the other man or woman and the cheating partner, rarely does it go into a long-term, committed relationship. Marital issues have to be quite severe prior to a spouse will leave the marriage for another individual.

Conflicted Romantic Infidelity

This happens when people experience true love and sexual desire for more than one individual at a time. Despite the idealistic notion of having just one true love, it is possible to feel intense romantic love for several people at the same time. While such scenarios are emotionally possible, they are quite complicated and seem to create plenty of anxiety and stress. In this scenario, cheating partners, in their effort not to cause anyone harm, mostly end up hurting everyone.

What to do after being cheated on?

Now that whatever confusion you have hopefully been assuaged, it is up to you to decide what kind of steps to take next. Several marriages and relationships can survive infidelity, but whether or not yours will survive depends on what sort of infidelity took place and how much work you are both willing to put in. It is simply common sense to know that an opportunistic or a habitual cheater will cheat irrespective of how many times their cheating has been discovered and forgiven. Having said that any other reasons why your partner cheated do not mean they would not cheat again, so bear that in mind while deciding what steps to take next.

Avantika’s Story (Not real name)

Hardly a couple of years went into their marriage when Avantika and Rohan (not real names) were thinking about getting a divorce. Avantika was pondering where she went wrong. She analysed back the last couple of years of her marital life and the destruction of her first marriage and then how she met another man named Vishal (name changed) after some time post her divorce. Like Avantika, Vishal too was divorced and they found comfort and distraction both in each other’s company, which eventually turned into likeliness for each other.

Then, suddenly Avantika was feeling as if she had moved on too quickly, and more importantly, has she been able to completely heal from her last broken relationship prior to jumping into the next.

She posed a question to her and also to me when she came for the counseling, says Shivani Sadhoo. The question was “does she completely need to heal before initiating a new relationship”?

What is The process of grief and healing?

Shivani says first, one needs to delve deeper into the question. What do you mean by healing? Does anyone ever “fully” heal? How can one know when they are ready to begin again?

Grief is a cluster of emotions one experiences when one loses someone with whom they had emotional attachments. The feelings one has when grieving is usual, but the majority of the time, they are unpleasant. People look to want them to go away. What requires to be understood though is that these feelings have a reason. Sadness assists you to step away from others and see inward. It presents you with time to analyze yourself and come to realities with your own responsibilities and mistakes. It lends you time to think about the future you wish for and to gradually take steps forward.

There are other feelings while you grieve. Anger is a potent emotion that helps one make changes, but it mostly becomes a source of bonding that could cause problems. Grieving people could join with one another in a relationship formed on their anger at their ex-partners and rapidly bond over that commonality. These relationships may grow fast and feel very powerful, but they require much more than simply shared anger as a basis.

William Worden in his book “Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy” talks of recovery as a four-step First, you should accept the reality of the loss and start to see the opportunities for a new future. Secondly, one needs to feel the feelings of loss. This is the step majorly avoided but it is necessary. Third, you should adjust to the facts of life without the other. The fourth process is letting go of the lost partner and searching for a new, meaningful relationship. These new relationships may be romantic or they could be something else.

Last thought

How much time does it take? People attempt to put a time frame on this procedure, but it’s difficult to measure things in that manner. You might never feel “totally healed.” If you wait for that, you might never move ahead. How do you get to know you are healed enough? When are you actually ready? When the feelings of sadness and loss start to lift when one is alone with their thoughts, and their imagination begins accepting thoughts of a brighter future… one is starting to get there.

This blog is written by top relationship and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Humans are emotional beings who always crave love, care, respect, and support.

Friends and family are important, but you all yearn to have that special someone in your life who would love you unconditionally and be by your side, no matter what goes wrong.

The support of your partner in the lowest moments can help you boost your confidence to another level. However, arduous a situation is, a supportive partner’s presence can make you believe that everything will be alright.

Being a supportive partner feels like an essential part of a relationship, but some people might not know the best methods to be a supportive husband, wife, or significant other.

There are different types of support in a relationship, as well as several vital reasons for supporting your partner or significant other, says Shivani.

What does it actually mean to be a supportive partner?

There is no clear example of what it means to be a supportive partner. The idea of being supportive that holds for you may or may not work for another.

Eventually, having a supportive partner means that your needs, and desires are met in the relationship, whatever these could be.

One method to know you have a supportive spouse or that you are supportive in a relationship is to look at the idea of choice. Here they are:

•        A supportive partner lets their significant other make choices
•        A supportive partner is the one who is encouraging
•        Supportive partner also means making your significant other feel important and respected

Being supportive in a relationship is quite vital because it is one of the most important aspects of developing a relationship. Having a supportive partner lets a person cope with challenges in life. While also having a partner who supports your dreams allows you to become the finest version of yourself.

What are the signs of a supportive partner?

Supporting a partner may look different in every relationship, but there are some subtle and strong signs that prove one is a supportive wife or a husband.

•        Being a good listener
•        Displaying consideration for your spouse
•        Taking time to laugh with your partner
•        Paying attention to your spouse
•        Being helpful
•        Having the ability to apologize
•        Being honest
•        Viewing your spouse as your teammate

Now you get some ideas that signify a supportive partner, here in this blog leading couple’s therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo in Delhi and Gurgaon shares steps that one needs to take to be a supportive partner.

Make a commitment to truly listen to your spouse

Active listening is important for the well functioning of an intimate relationship. Responsive listening needs you to be actively interested and participate in the conversation. You can do them by taking some time to ask questions and post-listening to them so that you can actually understand your partner’s views.

Be empathetic

It needs you to place yourself in your spouse’s shoes. For example, if your partner is venting about a bad day at work, just think about how you may have felt if you had an issue at the workplace with a co-worker and wanted to talk about it to someone.

Communicate to your spouse often that you two are a team

When things get difficult, be certain to communicate to your spouse that you two are a team and a union. Express that you wish to remain supportive of each other.

Give time to discuss your partner’s dreams and aspirations

Take some time to sit with your partner and talk about their dreams, hopes, goals, and aspirations. It shows your partner that you support them in growing and becoming the best version of themselves.

Provide your partner some time to cool off or relax by themselves

If your partner comes home from work and appears stressed or just not in the mood to talk, recognize the fact and provide them some alone time to unwind, by not taking it personally.

Appreciate your spouse

From time to time praise your partner for their accomplishments and let them know that you appreciate the things they do for you.

Practice little, thoughtful acts

You can practice small and thoughtful acts. Like doing the extra household chores which are usually done by your partner daily or if you are going out take out your partner’s car to fill the fuel or take it to the car wash.

Avoid talking to your spouse out of their feelings

You might be uncomfortable with your partner’s unpleasant emotions but telling them not to be upset could go a long way and make them feel unsupported.

Let your partner do the things their own way

Your partner may occasionally do something different from what you do, but by chastising them, you only show a lack of support. So, rather than criticizing or correcting them simply accept the way they do things.

Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo Says, Learn the Signs and Ways to Rekindle Attraction within Your Relationship

For a relationship to grow, certain things have to be in place: love: to maintain the bond, tenderness, and care that drew both the partners together. Trust: a vital foundation every bond requires to promote a sense of security between significant others, and definitely—attraction—because passion added with excitement keeps the fire burning in any successful relationship.

It’s difficult to put any of these factors above the other, this is due to the fact they all work in sync to keep a relationship going. However, knowing that your spouse experiences an electrifying thrill from mundane things such as your smile, how clothes fit on your body, or maybe even simply watching you work in your element, is a feeling that is not easily traded in a relationship.

This is why at the initial signs that you no longer spark a fire in someone you love, it could feel more than a little unsettling.

This blog by leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about specific signs that might indicate a decrease in how attractive your spouse finds you. In case signs are there, you will also learn ways to rekindle the lost attraction.

Here are some red flags that may indicate that your spouse is facing difficulty to see you as attractive.

What are the signs that suggest your partner is not finding you attractive?

Your spouse is spending more time away from you

When your partner is spending more time away from home or from you. This could be worrying. Yes, it is also true if you and your partner are spending less time together is not always a concern. Sometimes individual spaces are needed. But if your partner repeatedly gives excuses as to why they can’t talk or spend time together. Then it is a sign of losing spark.

Putting less or no effort into the relationship

A sad indicator indeed. Your partner is putting no or less effort in the relationship. Planning activities become things of the past, and getting responses through phones and texts becomes daunting. This is painful specifically when earlier your partner was diligent in making you special early on.

Waning love life or intimacy

An important factor to determine is how your spouse feels about your physical relationship is to examine your sex life. What does getting intimate generally feel like? Are you and your partner taking time to speak and discuss it? This particularly could be noted in married couples. A drastic change in pattern while getting intimate indicates how attractive your partner finds you. When intimacy is completely missing or there is a lack of it, this is a sure sign your partner is losing interest in you. Or another sign is when your partner getting intimate becomes just a general routine for them, they do it just for an obligation nothing more than that.

Frequent fighting

Sometimes small fights are fine, but if your partner has become more irritable towards you and does not waste any opportunity to quarrel with you even on the slightest of issues. It is a sign of waning attraction.

What are the Ways to rekindle the attraction within your relationship?

Knowing your partner no more finds you attractive could be painful. But being aware might be the vital cog to transforming your relationship. Here are some ways to rekindle the lost spark shares Shivani.

Have an open communication

Speakto your spouse openly and honestly about the alteration you have noticed in their attraction to you. Learn how they view you, or if your conduct has changed to an extent that might be causing them to pull away. Knowing all this could give you a clue or two that will take you towards resolving the complexities.

Spend some time apart

Spending time apart does not mean completely cutting off entire communication. It is vital to check from time to time while being apart. But when you spend some time apart by going on some solo trip or going on a vacation with your friends, this may give your partner the opportunity to miss you and also a chance to rediscover your lost self. Perhaps a reunion after this brief separation could ignite lost attraction even more.

Do basic romance

Just remember how you met earlier. With your partner’s indulgence, you would be able to take your relationship back just to the good old days. Go on dates again. Take care to groom yourself and look good again. Send intimate texts or go to movies or dinner dates. Keeping close to your partner and breaking the monotony could help revive the lost attraction.

Family habits are a lot more than just an activity practised at home to create a healthy family. It is a manner of life that brings the complete family together and boosts the eternal bond of love and support shared by every member of the clan.

Shivani says early childhood is the perfect time to instil healthy family habits in your child because they are more likely to grow into it and stay in the pink of health in their later years.

India’s leading Family counselor and couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo discusses in more detail insights about healthy family habits and characteristics of a Healthy Family.

What are the healthy family habits that are key to happiness in your life?

Let us take a look at the healthy habits that promote a healthy family and support shaping the future of the child.

Have at least one meal together

Sitting together as a family and having a meal is one of the major healthy habits practised by a healthy family that has a remarkable impact on children. It presents them with a sense of belonging when every family member shares stories of what is happening in their lives over small conversations filled with laughter and smiles.

For example, talking to your children about what is happening at your workplace or the list of things you require to do prior to their grandparents’ visit tomorrow provides them an insight into how healthy households function and molds them for the future. It is also a good way to get to know more about what is happening at school and look out for any signs of bullying or child being any kind of victimization.

Allocate a minimum of 30 minutes toward fitness

This is another part of a healthy family habit to encourage your kids to spend time playing outdoors to make sure they are fit and active since daily exercise and healthy families are synchronized with each other. It also adds up as quality time to bond with your kid.

You can either go for a fitness activity such as yoga and aerobics or go in for a sporty thing like running in the park and swimming. You can also think of going for cricket coaching classes or taking basketball lessons together, to learn sports and stay fit at the same time.

Set a schedule apart to play

Kids love playtime. Whether it is a fun board game with your teens or something as simple as building blocks with your tiny ones, playtime is great to forget your worries and pay attention to what really matters – your kids and also a part of a healthy family habit. No matter how frequently you shower your little ones with toys, clothes, gifts, and other materialistic things, the sole thing that matters to them is your time.

You can also think out of the box and indulge in other fun activities such as gardening and connecting with nature. This healthy family habit also acts backward, as children are teachers too, this is a brilliant way to disconnect from your monotonous routine and connect with your child.

Have a no gadget zone

In the present day’s digital age, it is not an uncommon sight to see a screen between a parent and a child. Kids have become so accustomed to digital gadgets that they mostly find solace in watching a cartoon online or playing a game, which is not a good sign. To end this habit, and transform it into a healthy habit, consider having a no-gadget zone in your home. For instance, you can make your dining room a no-phone, no laptop zone so your family is able to enjoy uninterrupted meals together. However, this rule applies to parents too, as actions speak louder than words.

Maintain a bedtime routine

Reading a story to your child each night is one of the finest practices regarding healthy habits, and it can be more advantageous than you can imagine. Not just will it encourage them to read, open up a whole world of imagination, trigger their writing talent and form their listening skills, but it will also assist them to find comfort in the tone of your voice and the warmth of your hug. Furthermore, the healthy family habit of reading to your child will bring in a consistent bedtime routine, and help them fall asleep faster and have better sleep.

Plan your weekends in advance

Weekends and family time have always walked hand-in-hand. Let your family be aware of your plans or begin a discussion on what can be done, so your kids will look forward to every weekend with excitement. It is a manner of showing your commitment to a healthy family and sends out the message that even you are equally excited to spend your free time with them.

The plans are not needed to be too extravagant. You can go for simple and fun activities for kids like going to the beach and indulging in some delicious street food or taking them to the latest animated movies of their choice. However, give your best to stick to the plans made, as a broken promise might lead to a broken heart.

Have a look at their nutrition

No list of healthy family habits is fulfilled without the benefits of nutritious food. Encouraging your kids to have a nutritious diet is one of the cornerstones of good parenting. Rather than forcing your kids to eat their vegetables, make them aware of the nutritional benefits they offer. For instance, ask them to eat more carrots for a healthy vision or drink milk for stronger bones.

In this manner, they will know why they are asked to do it and will make it a part of life, rather than something to do simply because you said so. You can also encourage your kids to help out in the kitchen and cook up a storm with simple recipes, so they come to know the nutritional value of what they eat.

Eventually, it all comes down to you being the role model for your kids. Forming healthy lifestyle habits to encourage an active lifestyle for kids involves you altering your way of life too. Thus, it is essential to practice what you preach and be the one you want your child to become.

For those fortunate enough to have loved ones nearby, hugging could have substantial health benefits. Sadly, people who have been deprived of availing of physical touch during the pandemic that led to social isolation and lockdowns have felt the detrimental health impacts that a lack of physical touch could impose. Video calls are useful strategies to feel close to others when face-to-face interactions are not feasible, but nothing comes closer to being with loved ones in person.

Shivani says in simple words you can put hugging that can be described as a handshake from the heart. The simple act of embracing forms feel-good energy for both the giver and recipient. Science has been looking into its positive impacts, and several studies related to hugging, cuddling, and touching have been seeing the same conclusion—hugging is a vital part of human development.

Human touch or hugging is equally vital for both babies and adults opines Shivani Sadhoo.

How a hug can help your loved ones physically?

India’s top psychologist and couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some of the amazing benefits of the ever so magical “Hug”.

Hugging is heart-friendly

Embracing triggers the hormone oxytocin, which makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. In one experiment at the University of North Carolina, participants who did not have any contact with their partners formed a quickened heart rate of 10 beats per minute, compared to the 5 beats per minute among those who got to hug their partners during the experiment.

Reduces stress naturally

If you are feeling a little drained or pressured, get someone you care about and provide them an all-enveloping hug. Research has seen that embracing lowers the amount of cortisol (stress hormone) in human bodies, freeing tension and sending calming messages to the brain.

It could minimize fears

A study conducted on fears and self-esteem checked into the link between human touch and lowering the fear of mortality. Participants were more likely to have less anxiety about death when being lightly touched or hugging an inanimate thing such as a teddy bear.

Giving hugs to babies help them become a well-prepared adult

Touch is vital to infants, particularly in their early stages of life as it assists them to bond with others while they get older. A study was done that compared a group of adopted kids whose first years were spent in orphanages where they did not receive physical contact, to kids who were raised by an affectionate family. It found that the adopted children had significantly lesser levels of vasopressin—a hormone that has a role in familial recognition and bonding —compared to others.

It is vital for adults too

Physical touch and hugging could counter feelings of loneliness that grow as people get older. A retirement home in New York did a study in which they conducted a program called “Embraceable You.” The logic was to encourage cross-generational contact and touch amongst residents and staff members in an attempt to improve the residents’ well-being. The outcomes were conclusive, with residents who were touched or given hugs 3 or more times a day had more energy, felt less depressed, were better capable to concentrate, and got more restful sleep compared to their less-hugged counterparts.

Scenario: You look back on life post your last, specifically toxic breakup with a newfound sense of contentment and peace. You were in a relationship with someone who hardly ever valued your time and was never emotionally present. Then started the gaslighting: denying your feelings, not acknowledging at all the very real issues plaguing your relationship, always looking for an easier way out. Sounds familiar? Perhaps for many.

Your relationship always hurts you and you are still trying to come to terms with reality. You are not thinking about falling in love again, since it is out of the question for you now. You are now terrified of love. Fearing if you fall in love again, someone may again take the part of you and turn their back

Shivani says individuals who have had traumatic breakups show physical and emotional signs of distress. In several cases, intrusive thoughts occur. The abandonment issues simply got worse while a few lose the ability to care about others and keep a distance. In certain scenarios, trauma is not mandatorily a by-product of a bad romantic relationship but has deeper roots during childhood.

What are the ways to come out of trauma and fall in love again?

India’s eminent Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some ways to come out of trauma and fall in love again.

Unmask and counter the traumatic experiences

People are mostly unaware of the patterns that are an outcome of traumatic experiences. If you are fearful of falling in love again, it could be because you are holding on to a pattern of mistrust. Actively acknowledging, addressing, and countering your trauma with a therapist is the first healthy measure in the process. Find a qualified counselor who can navigate how many levels of trauma can impact you. It is a journey you should take in a safe environment. Do not lose patience. Unmask your traumas in a systematic and gradual method rather than startling yourself into it.

Understand trauma is just a part, not your complete self

A parts approach to navigate through traumas. Trauma never completely goes away and anyone telling you the same otherwise is only deluding you. But you can regulate it. You start by acknowledging that your traumas do not form the whole of you but just a part of you. Otherwise, you will end up giving your traumas plenty of power.

Re-develop your self-esteem

Once you acknowledge and understand your trauma plenty of healing can begin happening. Coming out of a traumatic relationship not just means the ostensible loss of the relationship itself, but also a loss of your sense of future. It is essential to keep the two separate in order to re-cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself. Your identity gets attached to them and you cannot imagine your life without them. This is why, it is vital to stay away from any casual sex and hookups. Everyone wants to heal quickly and move on swiftly but there is a shortcut. Take your time to heal. A break-up is a good time to reset. Search inward and begin with trusting yourself again.

Form a healthy support mechanism

People mostly become victims of confirmation bias—seeking and concentrating just on those experiences around them that confirm their fears. Let’s say you had a break-up and you constantly surround yourself with people who also faced a break-up and they are constantly feeding your mind with something. This is in spite of the fact that your circumstances are completely different from theirs. After all, all break-ups are not the same. This is an outcome of confirmation bias and you need to avoid validating your fears. It is important that you do not surround yourself with people who will belittle your experiences or gaslight you. Surround yourself with positive people or at best seek a therapist.

Be rational with evaluating the threat

Probably the sole bright thing about coming out of traumas, specifically in romantic relationships, is that you end up being truly aware of any red flags. That is if you are not repeating the same pattern again. But mostly, in the process of avoiding any red flags, people end up being overly cautious with potential partners. It is vital to not be hyperactive. You need to distinguish between red flags and the normal imperfections in any relationship.

Probe yourself, and how it serves you

When you end up isolating yourself because of bad past experiences, that way you simply end up further hurting yourself in that process. You need to interrogate yourself: What are you safeguarding yourself from? By living in an illusion, that no one will have the ability to hurt you if you do not go out, you are anyway still going to hurt because of the loneliness that comes with that mindset.

Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo Shares how to Address such Situations in a Relationship

A scenario: You and your wife have been together for some years and have kids. You both work hard and are doing your best to develop yourselves by establishing a strong career and building a home. However, whenever you talk about anything you plan to do or have any disagreement, your partner runs and tells his/her family everything. All of a sudden, you start receiving phone calls and messages from their family, advising you on what you should do instead. You have told your spouse several times to keep certain things private but they don’t listen. Should you stop talking to your partner and do everything by yourself?

Couples Therapist Shivani says this situation seems stressful since no one wishes to feel betrayed by the one they expect to protect them. Marriage is sacred and special and it comes with all the good things that are embedded in a union of two consenting adults. However, this relationship is also certain to face several difficulties along the way.

One of the facts that makes a marriage special is both partners are vulnerable to each other. This is one of the ideal methods of developing a close and fulfilling relationship. It brings about being more open with your spouse and letting yourself be who you genuinely are. It could involve discussing feelings at a greater level and being open with each other without being afraid of being judged.

It is mostly a big temptation for people to look to share everything about their relationship with their parents or friends. This generally happens when the relationship is facing certain challenges although even out of excitement, a partner may be tempted to share more than they should with other persons. Parents usually lend a sympathetic ear and one goes feeling much better.

The issue here is that naturally, parents love and side with their kids and no parent wishes to see their children hurting. This could jeopardize a relationship since relatives generally take sides and will not present a neutral environment. At times, the couple may have worked on their problems but since relatives are not the ones in the relationship, they are going to judge based on old information or preconceived notions and continue to disrespect your spouse.

It is also possible that your partner has not yet fully come to the level of cutting cords with her parents and still feels safe when she discusses things with them that you are doing as a family. This also has plenty to do with certain parenting styles in a family. It is generally the adults who help younger persons become independent and relate properly and be loyal to their own intimate relationships as well.

If this is not properly handled early in life, then those adult children might have problems or conflicts in their marriage relationships.

People are capable of learning new things even during adulthood if they are willing. In this scenario, attending a marriage therapy session together as a couple could help address these intricate matters and provide an avenue for both of you to express yourselves without being judged.

Although you may have talked to your partner about this earlier, you could try bringing it up again when you are both relaxed and happy. Let your partner know how this makes you feel as their spouse and as a son or daughter-in-law. Generally, a heated debate simply aggravates issues but when you communicate calmly others tend to listen and even take a deep interest in what you are saying.

Leading couple’s therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo in Delhi shares some ways to address those situations. If you also feel that you or your partner reveals everything to the respective families, then read this blog further.

Set boundaries

This is a quite common problem. While it is a fact in many cultures that when you marry your spouse, you also marry the family, you must also maintain proper boundaries. It is a wonderful quality that your spouse loves their family and looks to tell them everything but there has to be a limit and your spouse needs to put your needs and the requirements of the marriage first.

Look for counseling

Feelings are not incorrect and your partner cannot argue with how you feel. If you believe that your spouse is not setting proper boundaries, probably he/she does not know how to do that. If you are willing, maybe you two need to seek marriage counseling to learn to communicate effectively and set healthy boundaries with their respective families. This issue can be resolved. Simply, be patient and communicate without attacking or provoking each other.

Talk to your partner

If your partner runs and complains about you or tells others things that need to be private, they are stuck with it. If your spouse is mad at you, they might be too when they hear they are venting about it. But then they will get over it and they will not, since they are not married to you. This will be a good thing to talk to your partner about, and let him/her know that what they are doing is hurting your marriage and that you wish it to stop.

A healthy relationship or marriage is commonly defined by the couple’s bonding condition where both the partners feel connected to each other and they feel satisfied with how the relationship is growing. A healthy relationship is best suited to travel through all difficult stages of life and survive the iron of time. But unfortunately, that does not happen too often. Many a time we witness couples who are happy today face issues like infidelity, breakups, and disinterest in sex in the future.

Why relationships that are happy and fine today, can break tomorrow?

India’s leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 3 must-have qualities for long-lasting love. She suggests it happens because many times, couples fail to identify if their current non-problematic relationship is actually healthy or not? They fail to identify unhealthy relationships on time and thus fail to take correction steps, effectively on time.

In today’s blog, Shivani Sadhoo shares 3 key qualities of a healthy relationship, that can help couples if something.

1.  Both the partners can communicate clearly
Many a time, one partner does all the talking and the other just listens, the person who does the most talking may identify the relationship as healthy, but what about the partner who might have stopped expressing him or herself. Thus, clear and direct communication by both partners is the first sign of a healthy relationship.

2. Partner’s trust

The second sign of a healthy relationship, is the partner’s complete trust for each other in all key areas of marital life like money, investment, parenting style, faithfulness, and others. Plus, each partner respects the other’s decision on these matters.

3. Partner feels independent

A healthy relationship does not mean staying happy together at cost of sacrificing self-identity and personal space. It’s important that the couples have their own identity independent of their partners. This means having your own interests and hobbies, or your own friendship circle that is separate from your relationship.

But this also doesn’t mean that the husband goes to a party every Saturday night while the wife waits at home and she takes care of home chores and children alone. Make it a collaborative effort, husband must understand and express the gratitude for wife’s contribution if she is a housewife and alternately both husband and wife should take out time to spend quality time together as well as to spend some time for their individual interests.