Tag Archive : relationship counselling for young couples

Ways to Deal With a Workaholic Spouse – Relationship Tips by Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Life is really fast these days. And, it is difficult to tell if it’s a compliment or not to be called a workaholic. There, was a time, when working hard was considered as the key to a successful and happy life, and the sole way to achieve the pot of gold. But with time few things have changed. With the advent of smartphones and the internet, the lives have changed considerably.

Now due to this people are hooked to their work even when they are supposed to spend the time with their spouse or loved ones. Such is the scenario that for many people day starts at 7:00 AM in the morning till 7:00 PM in the evening and even after that people keep their smartphones or laptops near bedside to frequently check them even when their partner is sleeping or lying next to them. Being workaholic is not bad. But when it starts to impact your relationship and family then it is a matter of grave concern. So, it is essential to develop balance cooperation between your work and life.

In this article, Delhi’s renowned marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tell about ways to deal with a workaholic spouse.

Is it a system or a one-off?

Is there an imminent deadline? A financial shortage? A forthcoming presentation?  Sometimes you all have to sacrifice the common thing for the exceptional situations, even when those around us pay a bigger price. Squarely analyzing the frequency of all the pattern can stop harsh words and worse explosions. If it happens consistently and regularly, then address it. If not, try and let it go. Do not make an incident a system if you do not need to.

Analyze Work Pattern

Does your partner attend to more meetings than usual she or he is supposed to? Do they actually have to read every paperwork and make every decision? Sometimes what you are handling with is not a workaholic, it is a total freak. If this is the scenario, pitch your partner on how you wish to help them free up more time for high-level, strategic meaningful work instead of the operational specifics they get sucked into.

Create A Fixed Routine

If it’s your beloved spouse who seems missing in action, then you might gain from a newly negotiated contract for time spent. Maybe the bedroom becomes that gadget-free zone you want, or one of you gets up 20-25 minutes earlier for a cup of morning tea before the great hassle. Agree that 2 nights in a week are sacred and can be called off only in times of an emergency. You can do a similar thing with a business partner. Agree, for instance, that every Monday from 9:30 AM to 10:30 AM is for the both of you to strategize out the week out, or Friday from 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM. to review, recap, and forecast the days ahead.

Have A Plan Then Reassess The Same

Decide as partners what is negotiable, non-negotiable and not as important. Link it to certain events and routines date night? Division of household works? Vacation or meeting planning? You would rather make all the decisions anyway. And then talk about it six months in. What is working and what is not? Is anyone feeling bitter or taken advantage of?

Focus On Yourself

Does not matter how much you accommodate the other, how often and peacefully you state your wishes, or how much you try to adapt, you cannot always change someone. If their conduct is really self-destructive, you just have to expect that they see it, too. Think about what you require for yourself and expand that sense of self-reliance and competency by broadening a skill set, making decisions independently, and pursuing what you are interested in – while always interacting with them, without acrimony, what you are up to.

Concentrate On The Partnership

As long as you access it from that point of view – without grudge – your workaholic partner will be much more open to a logical and business-like conversation, whether they share your office or your bed.

Pre-Wedding Anxieties? Here are 4 Warning Signs that should tell you to say NO to a Marriage Proposal

Today Indian girls are touching skies in the field of the profession, research, army and what not. But still we are socially and culturally programmed where girl’s parents have to spend exaggeratedly on the wedding day, and still, educated Indians have been witnessed to take and give dowry in the name of social customs. 

Unfortunately, following these cultural and social norms, lot of people develop the perception that wedding day is THE VITAL day of their and their loved one’s life. Sadly, people often forget that a wedding day is just, only one day. What truly matters is the fact that man and women’s commitment to spend their rest of life with one another. 

Hence a lot of time, due to months-long mental pressures, tensions, and financial burden for preparing the ONE wedding day, bride and bride’s parents – OFTEN ignore warning signs from the man (bridegroom).  These signs could tell them that the man is not right for the girl. This is one of the major triggers that result in a failed selection of bridegroom in an arranged marriage setup. 

India’s leading relationship and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares that never ignore any doubt at any point before the wedding. This doubts may come in the form of wedding jitters, bridal nerves, cold feet. But what you shouldn’t do is ignore the fact that your subconscious might be signaling an alarm that something is not right. So yes, pay attention to those lurking doubts you’re having because they’re acting as indicators that trouble might lay ahead!

Here are some of the major warning signs that tell every girl, and her parents that the guy is not right:

1. Cheated once before

The psychological fact states that people’s core nature never changes. If the prospective bridegroom has cheated someone before, there is a very BIG chance that he will repeat the same. Don’t hold wrong expectations if you came across this information, it does not matter if you end up becoming world’s best wife or not in the future, people generally tend to follow their tendencies with due course of time.

2. Puts you down in front of his friends

If you witness the person has the tendency of making fun of you and putting you down in front of friends, remember such an attitude will not contribute in a strong relationship in the future. This will start hurting your self-esteem and later, your relationship with him.

3. History of abuse

If there is any history of emotional or physical abuse that you come to know either by trusted someone or if the person shares himself and justify the action like in the past he used to get angry easily and once he slapped his ex-girlfriend and promises to never be like that again. Stay away from such person, no matter how many promises he makes he will fall back to his tendencies with the course of time.

4. Thorough background check

No matter how well you know the guy or your parents know the guy’s family or if he is been referred by your own relatives, never ever proceed with a marriage proposal without a thorough background check. Check particularly the following areas:-

a.       If the guy or his family accurately speak about the guy’s professional situation.

b.      Check if there is any history of addiction for drugs, alcohol, sex or gamble.

c.       Any history of emotional and physical abuse.

d.      Financial stability.

Body Language Signs that can tell you to pay Immediate Attention to your Marriage

No matter how hard it may sound but maintaining a wonderful relationship is not easy, especially in today’s fast lifestyle. Without much warning romance can dry out, marital life can turn monotonous and if couples still don’t pay right attention then their marriage can slip from bad to worse.

So how people can identify it’s time for them to give strong attention to their relationship?

India’s eminent relationship expert and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares that prior to a relationship start to sour, there are certain body language signs that couples exhibits. She shares if couples pay attention to these warning signs, they can identify it’s time to focus hard on their relationship.   

1. Observe the pupils

Generally eyes can tell, a story about one’s relationship. When people are sexually attracted to someone, their pupils generally dilate in the moment of intimacy. The change of pupils happens subconsciously; hence it’s a good indicator of your partner’s interest in you.

So pay attention to your partner’s eye, if you witness the pupils getting shorter when you get intimate or go for a kiss  – remember it may be a sign that something is deeply bothering your partner.  Look for the right moment and discuss if something is bothering your partner.

2. Stonewalling

If a person turns their back on their partner, hangs up the phone before the conversation is over, or tunes out, it is referred to as stonewalling. Not taking your partner’s thoughts or perspective into consideration is a major red flag.

3. Touching neck during conversation

In emotional situations, people have tendency to find ways to comfort ourselves. Especially, women, in particular, typically touch their neck or throat. Oftentimes, touching the neck or throat indicates that someone is keeping something from another person.

4. Conversation and attention

Check how your partner reacts or pay attention to you when you are in conversation with him/her?  If he/she plays with his/her phone, nods without listing or worse, completely ignore you, then you its time you must introspect yourself, try to identify why your partner feels disinterested during the conversation. Sometimes it can be a simple thing like – your partner is too tired to listen to you or he/she doesn’t feel interested on your topic or sometimes it can be something else. Hence talk to your partner if you witness this body language.

5. Leaning away

 Couples from healthy relationship have tendency to lean toward one another with their bodies, legs, shoulder and even chairs. If you or your partner starts to seat away from each other, or even if you both sit in one sofa, your body points in opposite direction to each other – it could mean that you both are disinterested in connecting with each other. Hence it’s an indication that you both must pay full attention to your marriage.

Tips To Create Trust in A Relationship & Marriage

Trust usually is the act of establishing confidence and being able to depend on someone or something. Trust is essential for relationships, to function and for any person to be relatively happy. Without trust, insecurity sets in.

Trust is a matter of degree, and certain life experiences can affect an individual’s ability to trust others. The matter of trust and relationships focuses on the question of whether the partners are honest and faithful enough to each other.

Being able to trust your partner is the most essential part of a being in a relationship. Trust is said to be the core foundation of every relationship from which a strong connection can be created. Without trust in a relationship, relationships will not grow and prosper to a deeper level.

Delhi’s Top Marriage Counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares tips to create trust in a relationship. Here they are.

Communicate Effectively

Communication is an essential factor in creating trust between partners in a relationship. Partners must communicate about their problems instead of sitting on them and brooding. When the time comes for communication, do it face to face. Personal verbal communication bolsters the bond between partners in a relationship.

Try to avoid communicate over emails, phone calls or texts. Instead, make it more personal and direct. When communicating, ensure that you keep eye contact with your partner as frequent eye contact during a discussion increases the bond of partners.

Do Not Hide Secrets from Each Other

Trust needs honesty and openness. If you are looking to build trust in a relationship, you must avoid to keep secrets and be open with your partner. To become a trustworthy partner, you must be honest in all your conversations and dealings with your partner.

Secrets ruin up relationships quite rapidly, so it is important, to be honest, and sincere about issues that arise together or individually. Having an open mind towards your partner assists him or her to share their deep dark secrets which are a sign that they trust you.

Set Boundaries

Defining clear boundaries set together is important to develop trust amongst partners. Setting boundaries help in explaining how much space you are comfortable with, in a relationship, physically and emotionally.

Boundaries can be about any kind of things, how much time you need to be alone, how convenient you feel about your relationship to tell other people and so on. Accepting one another’s boundaries is helpful when it comes to creating trust in the relationship.

Learn To Say No

You need to understand one thing, everything that your partner wants is what you are willing or capable to provide. You do not have to say YES every time to everything your partner wants or asks to do. If you do not like the certain thing he or she proposes to do, simply say no. You should not be enslaved to a relationship. You should not be forced to sustain what you don’t like. When a relationship is based on equality, it will be easier for both of you to march forward.

Do not cater to the vagaries of your partner just to make him or her happy, as this will ruin the relationship.

Never Make Promises You Cannot Keep

Never break your promises. Keep your words and your promises. If you have promised your partner that you are going to do something, ensure that you do it.

It makes a lot of sense that you want to keep promises you have made to your partner, but often the little things you promised get forgotten. Keeping your promises about small things is as important as keeping your promises about the big ones

When you are late, call your partner and tell what is holding you down, remember to pick up those items from the local store and remember to pay the bills on time. Yes these things appear small and it might be overlooked, but they go a very long way towards developing trust in a relationship.

Do Not Cheat On Your Partner

It is in the natural configuration of humans to get attracted to more than one person. But this does not permit you to cheat on your partner. Even if you are bored in the relationship, resolve it up or else walk out of it. But you should not cheat on your partner simply because she/ he is not fun to be with or you do not enjoy his or her company any longer. To develop trust in a relationship, make sure you tell your partner plainly that you are not happy with the way things are amongst the two of you, and need to sort it out, or else, walk out of the relationship.

Take Accountability of Your Actions

Take ownership of your behaviour, action, and inaction. Never try to pass the blame to a situation or someone else. Be true with yourself and to your partner as to why you made your decisions.


Counsellor Shivani MIsa

Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is experienced and certified ccounselling psychologistwith specialization in the area of Personal Crisis interventions like coping-up with Relationship Issues, Marriage Counselling, Separation & Divorce, Child and Adolescent issues, Depression, Stress, Domestic and Sexual Abuse, Loss & Grief, Suicidal feelings. Counsellor Shivani is currently working with India ‘s top hospital groups like Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics.

Call +91-8860875040

Tips To Make Yourself Emotionally Stronger

Whether it relates to your relationships, career, or your own self well-being, knowing how to tough through disturbing situations by finding ways to be emotionally strong can positively impact your life. When it comes to stress, it can affect many people in various ways, some might cry every time they are frustrated or guilty. While others choose to be quiet and hide until they feel good. Though, there is nothing wrong with either of those situations. Being aware of how to manage your emotions and dictate why you are feeling them can help you understand yourself in a better way so that you can stop considering yourself weak.

Emotional strength comes from when you allow yourself to be both independent and dependent. This means developing up your internal resources and becoming comfortable seeking and accepting help,

Learning how to handle life’s misfortunes is a great method to build your emotional strength.

Delhi’s top marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo share tips to make yourself emotionally stronger.

Respect the Strength Of Your Past

It becomes difficult to be emotionally strong if you keep living in the past. You need to throw away those thoughts and accept the reality that those struggles made you who you are today, which is a strong, better person. Many a time we have bitterness from the devastation, slavery or even family history of abuse. You can instead, respect the struggles and our cultures in a way which are positive. Do not discount the struggle, instead see how it can be a way to respect the strength in your past. If you can honor the strength of the past, you are a result of that past, so you honor yourself and become stronger.

Make Healthy Choices

A lot of your emotional strength generally comes from within. This means you will most likely feel your best if you eat healthily and treat your body with utmost care. Remember that every time you make healthy choices, you actually strengthen yourself. For example, have you selected an apple over a sweet candy, one point scored for becoming stronger? Have you taken a stroll and enjoy the view? Another point scored for resiliency. Honor every time you create a healthy decision.

Help Others in Need

It may sound weird to help other people especially when you are trying to figure out things for yourself. But when you are unselfish you can become strong because the care you show towards others can reverberate and look into caring for your own life, too. Helping others creates empathy and it makes us a better person, over a period of time. This way you become stronger emotionally.

Embrace Your Adversities

Never beat yourself up when things are not going your way. Failing is a part of life and how you look to challenge and accept it can really alter your perspective in a positive manner. Try to practice some positive psychology and start to embrace all your challenges and adversities as your greatest teachers and power for changes.

Identify Your Emotions

Do not look to criticize or punish yourself for having certain feelings. It is natural to feel low, angry or jealous. When you experience any negative emotions, carefully analyze them and figure out what you want your next step to be. Allow yourself to identify and accept every emotion you have and then decide if you want to follow this emotion or let it go.

The 4 Habits of Long-Lasting Couples – Relationship Tips By Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

In today’s fast moving lifestyle, building a healthy and long lasting relationship with your spouse is not easy; a large portion of the population that daily faces professional, travel and financial pressures, find the least time and energy to devote to their family and spouse.

According to Delhi’s eminent marriage counsellor and relationship expert, Shivani Misri Sadhoo, the key to maintain a healthy and long term relationship is not to take relationship or spouse for granted rather put a constant effort to enhance the romantic bond by – building healthy relationship habits. These good romantic relationship habits could be:

1.  Always go to bed together.

One of the effective good relationship habits is to go to bed at the same time. Remember happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. There’s nothing more soothing than a bedtime cuddle.

2. They don’t expect their partner to read their mind; they ask for what they need: 

The happiest couples generally ask for what they need and listen to each other’s needs. Running around hoping that another person will know what you need or that you are supposed to know exactly what they need is a recipe for disaster. The happiest couples are delighted to openly talk about needs and honour differences in needs without feeling like anyone should have already known or that their ‘soul mate’ will have the same needs as them.

3. Always trust and try to forgive.

In every relationship, there would be arguments and small fights but couples who are dedicated towards their relationship make a habit to trust and forgive, rather than distrusting and begrudging as their default setting after an argument.

4. They focus on what they do right, not what they do wrong.

Positive reinforcement is an age-old concept used with children but it’s also important for fully grown adults too. So compliment your partner when they deserve it and try not to look for things they do wrong.