Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Marriage is more than just a union between two lovers; it’s a merging of families, cultures, and traditions. When you take those sacred vows in front of the fire, you’re not only pledging your love to your partner but also weaving together two families, each with its own set of customs, values, and dynamics.

The idea of living with in-laws can stir up a myriad of emotions. For some, it’s an opportunity to strengthen family bonds and enjoy the support system that comes with extended family.

For others, it can be a potential minefield of conflict and tension. So, how does sharing your living space with your in-laws really impact your marriage?

Shivani Misri Sadhoo, a leading marriage and family therapist in Delhi and Gurgaon shares 5 ways to deal with the situation.

What are Some of the Challenges Faced?

According to Shivani some of the seen challenges are:

Controlling In-Laws

When in-laws are overly controlling—dictating living arrangements, and child-rearing choices, and reacting poorly to non-compliance—tension rises.

This issue intensifies if your spouse sides with them, adding pressure to your relationship. Addressing it promptly is essential to avoid escalating stress and conflict.

Violation Of Privacy

When in-laws frequently infringe on your privacy, it can cause unnecessary tension in your relationship. You may feel the need to set boundaries, but if your partner dismisses your concerns because it’s family, it can lead to frustration and resentment.

This lack of support might undermine the unity in your relationship, making you feel unsupported and isolated.

Being too Judgmental

It becomes incredibly frustrating when in-laws judge and criticize every move you make, as they often impose their own expectations on your newlywed life.

Their judgments about your career choices or parenting can erode your confidence and strain your relationship.

Being Manipulative

Sometimes, in-laws use guilt-tripping as a manipulative tool to control their child’s partner, making them feel inadequate or like they’re making poor decisions.

This tactic can cause significant strain on the relationship, creating a rift between you and your partner, especially if your partner is swayed by the guilt while you’re trying to resist. Such behavior fosters anger, resentment, and distance.

What are the Strategies to Deal with It?

Some of the best ways to deal with it are:

Honest Communication

It may sound cliché, but effective communication is crucial in any relationship, including those with in-laws. Responses to in-law issues often reflect past experiences, such as a woman’s protectiveness due to a close bond with her mother after an early divorce or a husband’s nervousness from a critical father.

Understanding each other’s backgrounds and fostering open, respectful dialogue—while addressing concerns calmly and empathetically—can prevent misunderstandings and emotional conflicts.

Address The Problem

Many a time, we often choose to ignore problems, but this approach isn’t effective, especially when dealing with issues involving your in-laws.

If their behavior is negatively affecting you and your relationship, pretending it doesn’t matter won’t make it disappear; in fact, it will only worsen over time, impacting both your personal well-being and your relationship.

Facing the issue directly, rather than avoiding it, will lead to a healthier, more balanced life.

Maintain Clear-cut Boundaries

Set clear boundaries early on and adhere to them consistently to maintain peace and sanity. When in-laws or others are given excessive leeway, it can quickly lead to chaos.

Be assertive in defining your limits on issues like finances, unsolicited advice, and personal space. Communicate these boundaries clearly and reinforce them regularly to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts.

Empathy

Being empathetic can ease the challenges of living with in-laws. By trying to understand their perspective, you may reduce their impact on your life. Harmony requires curiosity and empathy, allowing everyone involved to feel understood.

When people feel heard, they are more open to flexibility and change, creating a more peaceful and accommodating environment.

Keep Calm

When your in-laws make offensive comments, resist the urge to react impulsively. Instead, take time to cool off before addressing the issue. A brief pause helps everyone approach the situation more calmly and constructively.

Prioritize addressing significant issues over minor disagreements, and choose your battles wisely to maintain family harmony and your own peace of mind.

What to take out of this?

There is always a way to manage the complexities of living with in-laws and maintain a healthy marriage. By fostering honest communication, addressing issues directly, setting clear boundaries, practicing empathy, and staying calm, you can create a harmonious environment and strengthen your relationship.

Hearing someone say, “I’ve never been in a relationship,” can be surprising in a world where dating is so common. While it might seem unusual, there are many reasons why someone might not have dated before.

They might have been focused on their career, studies, or personal interests, or simply never felt the need for a relationship says relationship counselor Shivani Sadhoo.

If you’re interested in someone who has never been in a relationship, it can be both challenging and rewarding. They might be unfamiliar with relationship dynamics, including compromises, adjustments, and handling potential heartbreak.

What are some of the dating tips if he/she has never been in a relationship?

Here are some tips to help you date someone who is new to a relationship as explained by top couples therapist and relationship counselor in Delhi Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog.

Prioritizing Clear Communication 

Effective communication is essential. Someone who has never been in a relationship might not fully grasp its importance. Guide them on how to express their thoughts and feelings openly.

Maintain clear and honest communication to avoid misunderstandings. Help them understand the crucial role that communication plays in building a successful relationship.

Be Direct and Transparent 

Your partner might not be adept at picking up on subtle hints or reading between the lines.

Be straightforward about your feelings, needs, and expectations. Avoid assuming they “should know” certain things. Explain the meanings behind gestures and actions clearly, but do so gently and without aggression.

Appreciate Their Efforts 

Recognize and value their attempts to show affection, whether big or small. They might overdo or underperform in their efforts.

Help them understand that small gestures often hold more significance than grand displays. Positive reinforcement will encourage them to keep expressing their love in meaningful ways.

Establish and Respect Boundaries 

Boundaries are crucial in any relationship, but someone new to dating might not fully understand this.

Explain the importance of respecting each other’s space and limits. Help them establish and respect boundaries to create a healthy and balanced relationship.

Ignore External Intrusions 

Friends and peers might be overly curious or intrusive about their new relationship status.

This can be irritating, but try to ignore it. If it becomes overwhelming, discuss it with your partner and suggest they address it with their friends.

Combat Self-Doubt 

It’s natural for someone new to relationships to experience self-doubt. They might wonder why they haven’t been in a relationship before or why you are interested in them.

Reassure them and focus on the present rather than their past. Encourage self-confidence and affirm their worth.

Maintain Humility and Balance 

Avoid letting your relationship experience create an imbalance. Never think or say that you are an expert while they are inexperienced.

This attitude can undermine your relationship. Approach the relationship with humility and a willingness to learn together.

Handle Conflicts Maturely 

Disagreements are normal, but your partner might not know how to handle conflicts in a relationship.

Help them understand that arguments are a part of any relationship and that resolving them healthily is important. Practice patience and model mature conflict resolution.

Approach Future Talks Gradually 

Your partner might eagerly discuss future plans early on, not realizing that relationships typically progress gradually.

Gently explain that it’s important to let things develop naturally over time. Teach them to enjoy the journey without rushing into future commitments.

Discuss Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

Discuss your comfort levels with a PDA. They might be overly enthusiastic or hesitant about displaying affection in public.

Communicate openly about what works for both of you and find a middle ground that respects each other’s boundaries.

Dating someone who has never been in a relationship can be challenging, but with patience and understanding, it can also be a rewarding experience.

By focusing on clear communication, setting boundaries, and appreciating their efforts, you can help them navigate the complexities of a relationship. Remember, it takes time for someone new to relationships to learn and adapt, so be supportive and enjoy the journey together.

Relationships are like roller coasters, full of twists, turns, and unexpected drops. They can whisk us away on thrilling highs one moment and leave us feeling disoriented in the depths of a low the next. But amidst this whirlwind of emotions and experiences, there often comes a point where we question whether it’s worth continuing the ride or if it’s time to disembark. If you find yourself at this crossroads, here are some signs suggested by India’s leading marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo that indicate your relationship may still be worth fighting for in this blog.

What signs do you need to check for so that you don’t give up?

Still Happy With Each Other

When two individuals cherish the simplicity of being together, it signifies a depth of connection that transcends superficiality. Engaging in hearty laughter, sharing heartfelt conversations, and relishing each other’s company amid life’s ordinary moments affirm the resilience of the bond.

Such genuine joy becomes the foundation upon which the relationship stands, offering a compelling reason to persevere through challenges. Laughter, like an adhesive, binds hearts tightly, serving as a testament to the enduring strength of the connection. Thus, finding genuine joy in one another’s presence underscores the significance of the relationship, making it a cause worth fighting for.

Unwilling to Hurt Each Other

When a relationship hits a rough patch and tensions run high, it’s common for couples to become embroiled in anger and conflict. However, when despite the anger and frustration, neither partner harbors the intention to inflict harm, it speaks volumes about the underlying love and respect in the relationship.  It showcases the strength of their bond and the potential for growth and reconciliation. Therefore, this unwillingness to cause harm becomes a beacon of hope, signaling that the relationship is worth fighting for and nurturing.

Care and Concern still exists

Even amidst frustrations and conflicts, the fact that you still hold genuine concern for the other person’s well-being signifies a profound connection worth nurturing. This caring attitude suggests an underlying emotional investment and a desire for mutual growth and happiness.

It demonstrates that despite the challenges, there remains a foundation of empathy, understanding, and commitment. This means that the relationship is still worth fighting for.

Trying to Change for You

When your partner takes genuine steps to address concerns, it’s a positive sign worth holding onto the relationship. It’s crucial to distinguish between words and deeds. If they promise change but show no effort to improve, it’s a signal to reconsider the relationship’s viability and perhaps move on. Genuine efforts to change demonstrate commitment and reinforce the relationship’s value.

Willing to make the relationship work

If both of you are still willing to put effort into the relationship, it’s a clear sign that there’s more to be salvaged. When you and your partner are determined to work through difficulties, compromise, and improve things, it’s worth giving the relationship another chance.

Even when times are tough, and it feels like the love is fading, the fact that both of you are committed to fighting together is a priceless indication of something worth holding onto. Having a partner who refuses to give up and is dedicated to doing their best is truly wonderful. However, it’s essential to be honest about whether the challenges, such as significant differences in values or life visions, can be overcome.

Trust exists

Trust is the key to a strong relationship. When you trust your partner and they trust you back, it shows that you both have each other’s backs. Even when things get tough, knowing you can count on each other is a reason to keep working on the relationship.

If you still believe in your partner and feel confident they have your best interests at heart, it means there’s hope for your relationship. Trust is like a bridge that connects your hearts, and if it’s still there, it means your relationship is built on a strong foundation.

Once you have assessed the signs – shared happiness, a commitment to avoid harm, lingering care, genuine efforts for change, a joint willingness to make it work, and the foundation of trust – the decision to fight for a relationship becomes a meaningful pursuit, fortified by the enduring strength of genuine connection.

Marriage is a commitment between two individuals to share their lives, support each other through thick and thin, and build a future together. Have you ever heard of someone saying they feel single at heart despite being married? It sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? However, it’s actually quite common for someone to feel single at heart even while being married. You might be wondering why! Leading marriage counselor in Delhi, Shivani Misri Sadhoo sheds light on the intricacies of the human psyche that contribute to this seemingly contradictory experience.

Can one still be single at heart despite being married?

Relationship expert and couples therapist Shivan Sadhoo shares insights on the same. Here they are?

1. Sense of Individuality remains untouched

 Marriage represents a legal and social agreement that unites two individuals, yet their inner sense of self remains distinct. Being single at heart within a marriage doesn’t signify dissatisfaction or a lack of commitment; instead, it’s about honoring one’s uniqueness within the marital bond. The journey of marriage brings together two individuals, each with their own personality, dreams, and aspirations. Despite the unity in marriage, one’s individual essence remains intact. People may feel “single at heart” when they desire moments of personal space and self-discovery.

2. The Feeling of Autonomy

Some people feel happiest when they have their own space and freedom, even if they’re married. They value doing things on their own and growing as individuals. It’s not that they don’t love their partners or avoid commitment in their relationship; it’s just part of who they are. They find joy in being alone sometimes and pursuing their own interests. Feeling “single at heart” means they can maintain their independence and take care of themselves emotionally, even while being married.

3. Living Apart Together

Living apart together is a trend where married couples choose to have their own homes instead of living together. It’s not because they have to, but because they want to. Some couples even live in the same house but have separate spaces. Research shows that even when couples live together, they may spend less time doing things together compared to the past. This doesn’t mean people want to be alone all the time.

What they’re really looking for is finding the right balance between being alone and being together. This search for balance is something that goes beyond marriage, age, or any other differences. It’s like having the freedom to be yourself without feeling like you always have to be with your partner. This independence can actually strengthen your relationship because it gives each person space to grow and pursue their interests.

4. When Reality Bites

When we think about marriage, we often have certain ideas about what it should be like. But sometimes, what we expect doesn’t match up with what actually happens. This difference between expectations and reality can make us feel disconnected like we’re missing out on the freedom we associate with being single. Society often tells us that when we get married, we’re supposed to become one with our partner, like we’re no longer individuals.

But that’s not always how it works. Each person still has their own dreams, desires, and way of looking at things. Feeling like you’re more single at heart when you’re married isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It means you value your independence and want to stay true to who you are, even in a relationship. It’s important for society to understand that marriage can mean different things to different people. We need to change the way we think about marriage so that everyone’s unique way of loving and finding fulfillment is respected and celebrated.

5. Communication Gap

When communication falters in marriage, partners may feel emotionally distant. This gives a feeling of being ‘single at heart’. This sensation suggests a need for nurturing the marital bond. By openly discussing personal desires and goals, couples can bridge this gap, promoting deeper understanding and connection.

Thus, we know that feeling “single at heart” within a marriage doesn’t imply dissatisfaction; it’s about preserving individuality, embracing autonomy, seeking balance, confronting reality, and addressing communication gaps.

According to Eminent Marriage Counselor Shivani Sadhoo

Studies confirm the truth that in romance, the end is mostly predictable. The evidence indicates that the strongest sign that a romance is over is certainly not what a partner says or does, but how he makes the other one feel.

In simple words, Shivani Sadhoo says, if you sense your partner has moved on emotionally, he/she probably has. Although he/she might still perform the relational bare minimum, like dutifully calling every day, a partner’s “quiet quitting” might be obvious in other ways, like through the choice to increasingly make plans alone or with others. While it is tempting to wonder if you are “simply too sensitive,” or assume you should have done something to prompt your partner to pull away, actions speak louder than words—and a partner’s behavior speaks high volumes.

Lack of intimacy predicts a breakup

A top university investigated the connection between a lack of intimacy and the likelihood of relationship dissolution. They found that partners who perceived lower levels of reward in their relationship were more prone to head for a breakup. They found this effect was significant even post-controlling for relationship satisfaction and attachment insecurity.

Operationalizing reward in a manner that captures various features of intimacy like connection, love, and self-disclosure, the findings of the study validate the importance of intimacy within a romantic relationship, confirming previous findings that intimate connection is one of the core reasons people stay in a relationship. They also noticed that because there might be a difference in the extent to which a person values intimacy or considers it a “reward,” there might also be a difference in the reward’s predictive power for a breakup. They report that their exploratory analyses yielded assistance for this possibility by showcasing that reward did not predict breakup as strongly for those people who place less value on intimacy.

India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some points that will help you to recognize the signs that the end is near in this blog.

Taking note of the presence or absence of the features of intimacy noted in the study like connection, love, and self-disclosure, could make it easier to observe when your partner is disengaging. Here are a few signs to look for.

Building up boundaries

Some partners start to withdraw by forming walls instead of bridges. This might occur physically, like when a partner seeks to spend more time in a different room, or emotionally, through reduced information sharing. However, it is manifest, forming boundaries is a roadblock to relational development, showcasing the beginning of a future apart.

Withdrawing affection

If your partner has lost interest in getting intimate and doing romance, you most probably want to know why. Barring significant life alterations like a cancer diagnosis, or the loss of a job or loved one, which could be associated with withdrawal and depression, withdrawing affection is mostly a sign that the relationship is faltering.

Looking for socialization

A partner who is cascading towards meeting new people or attending events solo might be showing a preference for singlehood. You can respectfully seek the queries into the reasons or rationale for the change in preference, but consider whether there would ever be an acceptable answer to the desire to spend time socializing without you.

Starting a new chapter

If your relationship does come to an end, bear in mind that a failed relationship is not the end of the world; rather, it might be the beginning of a fresh chapter in your life. There is nothing about romantic rejection that defines you; breakups happen to several people at some point, and various breakups have more to do with the partner who prompts the dissolution. If a breakup was actually, provoked by your behavior, you can learn from it and march on, stronger and wiser.

Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo Says, Learn the Signs and Ways to Rekindle Attraction within Your Relationship

For a relationship to grow, certain things have to be in place: love: to maintain the bond, tenderness, and care that drew both the partners together. Trust: a vital foundation every bond requires to promote a sense of security between significant others, and definitely—attraction—because passion added with excitement keeps the fire burning in any successful relationship.

It’s difficult to put any of these factors above the other, this is due to the fact they all work in sync to keep a relationship going. However, knowing that your spouse experiences an electrifying thrill from mundane things such as your smile, how clothes fit on your body, or maybe even simply watching you work in your element, is a feeling that is not easily traded in a relationship.

This is why at the initial signs that you no longer spark a fire in someone you love, it could feel more than a little unsettling.

This blog by leading marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about specific signs that might indicate a decrease in how attractive your spouse finds you. In case signs are there, you will also learn ways to rekindle the lost attraction.

Here are some red flags that may indicate that your spouse is facing difficulty to see you as attractive.

Your spouse is spending more time away from you

When your partner is spending more time away from home or from you. This could be worrying. Yes, it is also true if you and your partner are spending less time together is not always a concern. Sometimes individual spaces are needed. But if your partner repeatedly gives excuses as to why they can’t talk or spend time together. Then it is a sign of losing spark.

Putting less or no effort into the relationship

A sad indicator indeed. Your partner is putting no or less effort in the relationship. Planning activities become things of the past, and getting responses through phones and texts becomes daunting. This is painful specifically when earlier your partner was diligent in making you special early on.

Waning sex life or intimacy

An important factor to determine is how your spouse feels about your physical relationship is to examine your sex life. What does getting intimate generally feel like? Are you and your partner taking time to speak and discuss it? This particularly could be noted in married couples. A drastic change in pattern while getting intimate indicates how attractive your partner finds you. When intimacy is completely missing or there is a lack of it, this is a sure sign your partner is losing interest in you. Or another sign is when your partner getting intimate becomes just a general routine for them, they do it just for an obligation nothing more than that.

Frequent fighting

Sometimes small fights are fine, but if your partner has become more irritable towards you and does not waste any opportunity to quarrel with you even on the slightest of issues. It is a sign of waning attraction.

Ways to rekindle the attraction within your relationship

Knowing your partner no more finds you attractive could be painful. But being aware might be the vital cog to transforming your relationship. Here are some ways to rekindle the lost spark shares Shivani.

Have an open communication

Speakto your spouse openly and honestly about the alteration you have noticed in their attraction to you. Learn how they view you, or if your conduct has changed to an extent that might be causing them to pull away. Knowing all this could give you a clue or two that will take you towards resolving the complexities.

Spend some time apart

Spending time apart does not mean completely cutting off entire communication. It is vital to check from time to time while being apart. But when you spend some time apart by going on some solo trip or going on a vacation with your friends, this may give your partner the opportunity to miss you and also a chance to rediscover your lost self. Perhaps a reunion after this brief separation could ignite lost attraction even more.

Do basic romance

Just remember how you met earlier. With your partner’s indulgence, you would be able to take your relationship back just to the good old days. Go on dates again. Take care to groom yourself and look good again. Send intimate texts or go to movies or dinner dates. Keeping close to your partner and breaking the monotony could help revive the lost attraction.

Do you remember when you first met your special one? It might have been one of those fairy-tale moments.

Everything surrounding you faded into the background and the one thing that existed was them. You gathered up the courage to introduce yourself and your relationship was created

Or it might have been a simple friendship that eventually transformed into a romance.

Regardless of how it started, married life is totally contrasting to dating.

And nothing can truly prepare you for marriage.

Marriage could be the most difficult aspect in your life – it could also be the finest thing in your life – likely both too.

Shivani Sadhoo says perhaps it is designed that way only.

Marriage is designed to grow two individuals up into better humans. Marriage is not about just being happy, it is about growing.

Keeping this in mind India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few simple points to consider that may help make your marriage better, regardless of how it started.

Even though there is no magical formula for a marriage to work, still certain factors help it to grow. Let us take a look at those factors which are basically the 4 C’s.

Chemistry

There has to be some kind of connection between the two individuals. Similar interests, aims, dreams, etc. While this is not mandatory, it does lay a foundation for several things in marriage, like travel, hobbies, vacations, and outside commitments both individually and together. Take heart and know that if you did not have chemistry, the relationship will be short-lived – so those of you who think or feel you now have nothing in common with your special one after several years of marriage, look and think again because it is probably there.

Communication

Here is another small but important secret for marriage, communication happens every time. In fact, you cannot go without communicating. Everything you say and even don’t say communicates something. Every act you do or don’t do says something too. Communication issues in marriage don’t happen because you cannot communicate, they occur because you do not like the message. In an attempt to master this arena of marriage changes your focus to learning ways to handle the message.

Comedy

Humor is a wonderful reparative aspect of marriage, as well as a fantastic connector. Having the ability to laugh with your loved one, whether this laughter is regarding something external or just about yourself and your relationship, laughter truly is good medicine. Often couples may get bored in a long relationship because of monotonous ways of living life. This is where having a little ingredient of humor in your marital life could often add a spark and color to it.

Commitment

A vital ingredient to any marriage is commitment. Without this, it falls apart. Incidentally, wish to know the secret to a long-lasting marriage? Two individuals who opt to stay married. That is it. Make the decision to stick out through the torrid and rough spots. Often some people say “my marriage is not worth fighting for.” The truth perhaps is they haven’t fought for it. Something is only worth fighting for the post you have fought for it.” Truer words are rarely spoken.

When you are aware of the 4 C’s in marriage, you potentially stand a better chance to have a long and satisfying relationship with your spouse.

Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Probably, marriage brings about the biggest transition in an individual’s life and no matter how ready he/she might be, it will always take the person by surprise. When you begin living with your spouse, changes are bound to happen. Some will bring joy, while others may challenge your patience and sanity. How you adapt to those challenges marriage throws at you and adjust to the changes, will further dictate the course of this lifelong relationship, says Shivani.

So, through this blog renowned couples’ therapist, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares a few changes and challenges the sacred bond of matrimony would bring in your life.

There will be Several Vulnerable Moments

When you begin your conjugal life with a partner, he or she will gradually discover your strengths and weaknesses. You will share your deepest secrets, desires and tell them things, which you may not have told anyone before. But when you share such intimate details with a person, you are bound to feel vulnerable. There will be times when you would wonder if you have done the right thing by revealing it all, but this is what marriage is. Everyone and every circumstance will demand that you trust your partner with your heart and soul. It will not be simple initially, but things will fit into place with time.

Relationship with In-laws Might not be what you Hoped for

We have sufficient Hindi movies and TV serials highlighting the strained relationship between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law. It is only natural for people to form a perception of the partner’s family much before even they are married. However, an individual would only get to know how that relationship would alter his or her life only post getting married. It could be for the good or in the predicted lines of what we have seen in TV shows or movies, but one thing is certain—it will create a deep impact on your life.

Responsibilities will Increase

Under usual circumstances, responsibilities, when shared between two individuals, will decrease. But not in marriage. With every passing year, you will end up getting more responsibilities. And by responsibilities, it is not merely meant for materialistic goals. When you are married to someone, you also have to bear the responsibility of looking after his or her wellbeing. And your partner will also have to do the same. The weight of responsibility can at times be overwhelming but when you do a fine job, the rewards will also be manifold.

Certainly, you will Yearn for some Me Time

Companionship is a wonderful thing. Post marriage, the starting days will be nothing but full of sheer joy. You would see new things that may have remained unobserved till now. You will be spending plenty of time together—be it visiting friends and relatives post the wedding or shopping for household items. The world you kept for yourself, your bed, your room—all the things will now have two people in it. And there will come a time when you would wish that you could spend some time alone, simply like the way you did before you were not married. And such thoughts will be immediately followed by a feeling of guilt. Believe it this is not simple.

Money will be an Important Factor

It is easier said than done, that love is all you need to keep you happy. But only love cannot provide the food on your plate or the roof to live under. Only money can. You will need to have a bigger house, probably buy a car and when you have a family, you will need money to pay for your kid’s school fees. Marriage can teach even the most carefree individual about the importance of money in his life.

You Might not Fall in Love with your Partner

It may sound strange but not all married couples fall in love with each other. Though there are exceptions who tied the knot after falling in love. In several arranged marriages, where the would-be-spouses only get to know each other shortly, hope to find love post marriage. Now, love may happen but there are also probabilities that they may never fall in love. Moreover, plenty of couples fall out of love after being married for a long time. Does it mean their marriage too falls apart? No, not for everyone though

There are several ways in a relationship that help in fostering love and care for each other. And one of the smallest yet most powerful ways to show your love and care towards your partner is through a tender or a gentle touch.

Shivani says, there are moments in any relationship be it of a husband or wife or any other relationship, when someone is in a crisis or a stressful phase what sometimes have been learned and observed how unbelievable the power of human touch that could be possible. Let us take an example of a small baby who is unwell and is certainly not able to express his problems clearly, except with a cry.  Always feel assured, the moment his mother touches the baby as the baby not only feels assured but for him it acts as a life-sustaining thing. Often, you have heard the qualities of a “mother’s touch”. This is exactly the same.

The same way a tender touch plays an important role even in a couple’s life. Not necessarily a tender touch does for your marriage, that leads to something towards, more in the bedroom only, but the kind of touch that connects and reassures you as a couple and as a soulmate.

Not only does a tender touch cultivate deeper intimacy; it assists you to communicate with each other on another level. It sustains and boosts your connection. And it is an essential part of a healthy, happy, and content marriage.

India’s leading marriage counselor and couple’s therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares the reason why a tender touch cultivates and leads towards greater intimacy.

Touch Helps you Feel, Secure, Known, Assured, and Loved

Tender touch conveys your love for each other and creates a level of emotional safety that opens the avenues for deeper intimacy. It is this deep kind of emotional security that further leads to more physical desire for one another in the long run. Although every married individual wish to experience a healthy sex life with their spouse, it is crucial to building that foundation.

When you feel valued, you are more likely to show vulnerability to one another. Affectionate touch does not shut you down; rather, it opens you to that intimacy you are craving from one another–on several levels.

To be feel seen, heard, and truly known by your partner is a powerful component in the health of your marriage. Small daily moments and habits that are meaningful build upon each other and lead to something wonderful in your marriages. Use the power of touch to show your spouse that you are watching, listening to, caring, and valuing him or her.

Like a tiny infant baby, touch is essential to your well-being in your marriages; without that daily contact, one cannot thrive.

It Keeps you Connected

A tender touch awakens you and reminds you of why you fell in love in the first place. It is a way to tell each other, “I am for you.” It is a constant reminder that you are not enemies– you are in the same team.

Some ways you can stay connected as a couple with tender touch are:

·       A massage posts a long or tiring day at work

·       Comforting hugs when your partner is down

·       Touching your spouse when you are talking or laughing

·       Holding hands in town

·       Putting an arm around your partner while discussing an issue that bothers him/her

Tender touch is specifically important when you are going through a difficult time in your life or marriage. If you have been experiencing plenty of conflicts, problems with your kids or extended family, health issues, or your professional life, stay connected by making physical contact daily–two to three minutes total, at least. You will be surprised how much you accomplish emotionally by intentionally touching each other every day.

It Conveys Affection Sans any Agenda

Tender touch is not merely meant to lead straight to the bedroom; instead, it is meant to convey affection without any agenda attached. It is meant to be a selfless, supportive and kind act instead of a means to an end.

You touch your spouse because you love them and cherish them; if you merely touch them when you have an agenda, they may start to feel resentful of the fact that you only make physical contact when you desire something.

Practice tender touch without expecting anything for an outcome that is sexual in nature. Be playful and affectionate. Passion is an essential component of any marriage, but it is not the only form of physical affection you and your loved one needs to share.

As an extra bonus, the more physical affection you share without any agenda attached, the more you and your spouse will desire each other in that passionate way. And you will certainly find that you inevitably build anticipation for those private moments later on while you are showing one another true affection.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Anything in excess or over is always harmful. As a relationship counselor and couples therapist, one works with their clients on improving their communication. Sometimes it has been found that one or both partners get into patterns of over-communicating, where they are sharing their entire feelings and thoughts about themselves and their partner. Telling your spouse everything you think, feel, and need is not necessarily a healthy communication form. Your partner might feel unable to meet your demands and it could seem to them that you are making them accountable for your own reactions and behavior. You could feel like you are having the same conversations, going over similar arguments with no resolution. Your partner might get emotionally drained by all your communication and begin to withdraw or go silent. This might leave you feeling ignored or rejected, and as a result, you may chase your partner even more vigorously with your communication, which makes things worse.

In this blog, Delhi’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says if you are an over-communicator, what can you do to get your needs fulfilled and to improve the bonding with your partner?

Look Within Yourself

It is impossible for any relationship to fulfill all your needs. Getting clear on what you require and what you feel is missing for you is an ideal place to start. Is it about emotional support, financial security, excitement, and stimulation? It is really up to you to take responsibility for your own needs and your partner is there to help you in that process.

Be Respectful

Are you truly communicating in a way that is respectful to your partner? Being respectful of their time and their own needs and feelings, just as you would with a colleague or friend, creates mutual respect. Getting into an emotional list of demands as soon as your partner walks through the door or late at night when they are trying to go to bed, does neither you nor your partner show any courtesy. Selecting a time and a place that suits you both is what is required to set-up effective communication and a happier and stronger relationship.

Controlling Anxiety

If one is anxious, he/she may try to feel better by sharing all their feelings and over-communicating. This can be anxiety-provoking for your spouse and consequently, they might shut down or withdraw. This can then create the pattern of you over-communicating and your partner withdrawing. Learning to manage or control your anxiety is an essential skill in relationships and can decrease this pursuit-avoidance communication pattern.

Calm Down and Reflect

When talking is not solving the problem, be ready to walk away for the moment and take some time out to calm down and reflect. When you are running high on adrenalin, it is difficult to see a solution to the problem. Taking some time for yourself can help you in thinking about the issue in a separate way and looking at what you are responsible for. What is your part in making this problem? Stop focusing on your partner and what you think they are doing incorrectly and start looking at the patterns in your own behavior. This is where change starts.

Communication issues do not need to damage your relationship. Working with a professional counselor at Saarthi Counseling Services can support you to form a positive communication style, where both partners feel heard, validated, and valued. Contact marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo now to start communicating in an effective and positive way for both you and your partner. Let’s talk before it’s too late.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.