Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

You might associate bonding with your spouse in the early stages of your relationship. But whether you are 6 months or 6 years in, there are always numerous opportunities to grow closer with your partner says Shivani. Learning methods to bond in a relationship could be a lifelong pursuit, but it certainly does not have to be difficult.

Couples Therapist Shivani says there is a difference between struggling and putting effort into your relationship. With bonding, at times it will simply take a little bit of conscious effort. “Bonding with your spouse takes effort.

Sometimes ‘bonding work’ feels simple and at times it feels difficult. Bonding with your partner seems easy when it flows out of shared interests, hobbies, and experiences. So if you can recognize what small ways you are already sharing with your partner, you might be a step closer to bonding even more, and potentially growing your love and bonding.

You do not have to ask each other the endless questions that lead to love, or do any kind of forced activity or bonding, simply to get to know your partner better. At times simply expressing your interest will do the magic. And professionals who work with couples have identified some brilliant ways to bond a little bit more with your partner — methods that you may even already be doing to some extent.

This blog by Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some ways to enhance bonding in your relationship.

Express Interest and Curiosity

When you have been together for a considerable time, or even live together, you and your partner might fall into the pattern of asking fewer open-ended questions: questions that start with “how” or “why,” and normally do not have a “yes” or “no” answer.

“It appears so simple, but it is easy for couples to end initiating open-ended questions since they fall into a habit of taking each other for granted. The reality is that you and your partner will change over a period and that you need to constantly update your knowledge of your partner. Asking open-ended questions helps boost emotional link and friendship within the relationship.” Being aware of how you ask your questions will help you develop this bonding as a habit.

Verbally Express Your Appreciation

Saying “thank you” to your loved one may seem more like an act of politeness, instead of an act of bonding, but appreciation is a lot more nuanced than that.

This too looks simple and you are perhaps doing it to a certain extent, but appreciation gives huge benefits,”. When you show appreciation towards your partner you create a protective shield surrounding your relationship [since] appreciation counteracts contempt — which is one of the major destructive forces in a relationship. Learning to show your appreciation regularly will assist you two grow even closer than ever before.

Give Priority to your Partner’s Emotional Calls

While you might know your partner better than anybody else, it can still become easy over some time to not always see when they are reaching out to you emotionally. Paying attention to “emotional calls,” and responding to them is an integral form of bonding.

Emotional calls are all small attempts to bond with your partner throughout the day, If, you wish to improve the health of your relationship, make it a priority to see your partner’s attempts to connect with you. Respond to their calls by lovingly responding and meeting their needs and communicating to your partner that you are there and care for them.” It is worth finding avenues to respond or pay attention to your partner, even when they are communicating non-verbally, to show your bond.

Make an Effort at Eye Contact

When you and your partner have been staying together for quite some time, the realities of everyday life as a couple might mean that you are not staring lovingly into each other’s eyes as much as you once used to. But working towards more eye contact could be a major boost in terms of bonding.

Partners can bond with each other by maintaining eye contact regularly, while they communicate, specifically, if discussing important topics such as their feelings, experiences, or needs. So even if you are not in your honeymoon stage anymore, at least you will be opening the windows towards more honest and vulnerable communication.

Keep your Phone Down

While there is something to be said regarding a connection so deep that you can sit in silence on a couch, scrolling through social media, and not feeling awkward about it, there is still a certain thing to be said about dedicated phones and gadget-free time for couples.

“A truly vital task you should do to make your partner feel worthy and appreciated of your time is to put the phones down while communicating, which also enhances bonding. Whether it means actively following a no phones at the dinner table or bedroom policy, or simply leading by example, you might find that these moments are good opportunities to bond.

Initiate Physical Touch

Having or maintaining a strong sexual connection with your partner is great, but physical touch does not have to be saved for moments of sexual intimacy between you and your partner only. Making physical touch a more common, regular habit in your relationship could be quite beneficial.

A simple task you can do to facilitate bonding is through physical touch when you are in the same space such as watching TV, cooking together, or getting ready to go out. Sometimes, a simple and gentle touch is good enough to create a substantial emotional association. Not all touch has to lead to anything, and practising it more can support grow the bond between you and your partner.

Make Rituals Together

Creating rituals or traditions as a couple could give you two something to look forward to daily, and be able to make sure that you and your partner are continuously building your connection — even if you have hectic daily life schedules.

Creating a ritual of bonding — like going on a walk post-dinner, or having coffee ready for your spouse after putting the kids to bed or in the morning so that you can talk about your day, could be something you both look forward to as well. Whether you decide you wish to build in daily, weekly, or monthly rituals, there is something about the continuation of these simple acts of bonding that could help actually, level up your existing connection.

Whichever method you decide to grow your bond with your partner, the probabilities are — you are already likely well on your way. Bonding has no concrete targets to get as it is something a couple does and keeps on doing, for the course of a relationship. And making even the smallest of changes in your daily interactions could assist blossom your love even further.

Besides the newlywed bliss, there come some ups and downs. It is pretty normal to hit rough patches in the first two years of marriage says Shivani Misri Sadhoo, but do not panic. By understanding certain changes and roadblocks you might experience in early marriage, you and your partner can still work together to lay a strong foundation for the years to come.

This article by Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo highlights the reasons why your first year of marriage is so important.

Why Does Your First Year of Marriage Matter?

Couples Therapist Shivani says the first year of your marriage is full of transitions and adjustments as you and your partner adapt to the new roles. Yet the way you handle and manage this period of adjustment is key to the longevity of your marriage, say researchers.

A decline in love, affection, respect, and responsiveness and a boost in ambivalence within the first couple of years of marriage can be an indicator for divorce after 13 years. This was as per a study in 2009 on the predictors of marital satisfaction and stressors.

The study also saw that couples who divorce during the first couple of years showed signs of disillusionment and were negative toward each other in the first two months of their marriage. Those couples who were still happily married were those who were able to have positive feelings about their spouses during this early period in their relationship.

Some other research shows that newlyweds could be more prone to dissatisfaction because of unrealistic expectations or the level of what they experience against what they expected in terms of marriage. Common unexpected adjustments include some of the following:

• The “minor things”
• Competing Loyalties
• Letdowns
• Serious Accountabilities
• Relationship Roles
• Sex

One more study recorded that newly married couples who estimate that their happiness levels will increase (or at least remain the same) within the first four years of marriage are more likely to experience a decline in happiness over time.

Divorce is also quite common within the early years of marriage because of the transition itself into marriage and parenthood, specifically among couples high in neuroticism who have been known to have reduced overall levels of satisfaction in their marriage.

Major Red Flags in Early Marriage

• Fear of conflict
• Incapability to have fun together
• Lack of mutual respect
• Lack of romance and intimacy
• Married quite early or for the wrong reasons
• Over-commitment of time and other things
• Over-spending
• Selfishness
• Excessive dependence on parents
• Unrealistic expectations

Priorities during the First Year of Marriage

If you see yourself a bit depressed post your wedding, it is fine. Honeymoon blues are just normal. Both of you have been caught up in time-consuming wedding preparations.

It is a certain bet that once you do not have that stress or pressure to deal with, you will have a sense of loss. It is the same as the post-holiday letdown that various people experience. However, it is essential to not ignore this period of depression.

Besides this to keep the romance alive, there are other priorities a couple will have to face as well.

Decide how to Handle Money

Discuss clearly whether you wish to manage your finance and money separately, jointly, or having a combination of separate and joint accounts. Either way, do not speak lies, honesty is critical when it comes to avoiding conflicts because of money.

Find out Ways to Manage Chores

Splitting up household chores fairly helps eliminate stress in your home and ensures a happy marriage. Bear in mind that you will possibly have to re-evaluate the list from time to time.

Look for Ways to Spend Free Time

While together time is valuable, you also need quality time outside of your relationship for personal space, growth, and independence.

Make Time for Sex

Even when your lives are busy, keeping your sex life healthy has to remain a priority. While on average most couples generally get intimate once a week, it’s important to find out what works for you to maintain intimacy.

Set Boundaries with in-laws

Have a discussion with your spouse about what is fine and what is not as far as involvement from your in-laws. For instance, can they drop all unannounced or do you expect a phone call or text first?

Understand and Respect Differences

While your core values are possibly the same, your partner’s thoughts and beliefs might differ from your own. Understanding and respecting these differences will assist you to avoid judgment and improve your relationship.

Learn to Handle and Manage Conflict

While conflict is bound to happen, how you handle or manage conflict can make a difference in your marriage. Give your best to maintain a constructive attitude and mutual respect, and be ready to recognize your partner’s point of view.

Discuss Expectations

From household chores to physical intimacy, it is essential to discuss what you expect from your spouse. After all, unmet or unrealistic expectations could create significant stress in your relationship.

Sadly, several couples avoid topics that might become heated. But doing so will do a huge disservice to your union.

What to Do If You are Struggling

The ideal thing to do is hold an open and honest conversation with your partner, without blaming, about your issues. You may initiate by saying something such as, “I think we both are struggling to adjust while being married.”

From there, you might figure out what marriage assistance options might be a good fit for you both. It might be setting aside time to read and discuss self-help books, seeking guidance from a trusted source, or perhaps pursuing couples’ therapy. It is also important to:

Refrain from Blaming your Partner

The blame game will simply exacerbate any struggles you and your spouse are having. Rather, discuss what you feel is happening and ways you can work together as a couple to bridge the gap.

Have Realistic Expectations

Unfair expectations could get the better of your relationship, for instance, you expect your spouse to live up to what you see in romance movies.

Give yourself and your Spouse Time to Adapt

Marriage is new to both of you, so it is essential to have patience as you adjust and adapt to your new roles and responsibilities.

Remember you can Assist your Spouse Grow, but you cannot change who he/she is

While you cannot change your partner, you can alter your reactions and responses, which might prompt your partner to want to change theirs.

Value your Partner

Do not take them for granted. Making an effort to say thank you or I love you and showing appreciation can go a long way in making your partner feel good about themselves and your relationship.

Spend Quality Time Together

Enjoying few one-on-one times can support strengthen your bond, form intimacy, and create cherished memories in your marriage.

Even though the first couple of years of marriage are supposed to be the most difficult, they are mostly remembered as the most joyous. Those could be a great time of intimacy and discovery.

There is a lot more to learn about each other and so much to express to each other. During the newlywed stage, you can lay the foundation for a life-long, meaningful partnership. Thus, enjoy and romance one another.

If you are married to a workaholic partner, you might at times feel as if you are married to an unfaithful spouse who has replaced your intimacy with his or her work. This sense of being alone, the numerous broken promises, feelings of anger and disappointment, and a belief that you are not that important are all similar for spouses of cheaters and also, for spouses of workaholics.

Shivani Sadhoo says these issues, if left unmitigated, could result in spousal discontent or worse yet divorce; in fact, according to Maureen Farrel who wrote “So You Married A Workaholic” for Forbes during the year 2007, on average, couples in which one partner is a workaholic divorce at double the average rate.

When one of the partners works excessively, he or she is not nurturing or harnessing the marriage. It is also unhealthy to keep a life that is so much out of sync or balance, which could easily put you on the road to infidelity and even divorce. At times it requires a wake-up call such as a personal or health crisis for the workaholic to snap out of this conduct. There are certain things you may do that would not have you waiting around for this to be the impetus for the change. 

Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo in this blog shares some suggestions to keep your marriage intact if you are married to a workaholic, in a healthy manner.

Strategies for Keeping Your Marriage to a Workaholic Healthy

If you find yourself frustrated with your partner’s continuous obsession with work, it is important to remember that even though you do not agree with his or her viewpoint on the issue, the situation itself puts you and your partner both under tremendous amounts of stress; as a result, conversations regarding being a workaholic needs to be approached cautiously and with compassion.

As frustrating as it might seem to not scold your partner for their overworking tendencies, nagging is not going to work. Rather, share in a positive tone what your partner has missed by working excessively or by bringing work home and not being present to you and the kids. Also, you must try to stop enabling your partner’s workaholic behavior—you might them be enabling your spouse’s need or desire to work by delaying family meals, keeping children up longer, postponing activities, or spending your money on things and services (such as takeout) that you could do without.

Instead, consider letting your partner experience the results of working excessively by serving dinner at the normal time and making your spouse have the cold leftovers once he or she finally emerges, hours later, from work. If your partner does not want to go out of the house with you, leave your partner at home and take the kids to the movie, mall, or park, or if your spouse is too busy to take certain days off, take a weekend trip to visit family without your partner do not put your life or your kid’s lives on hold waiting for your partner to make time for you.

Also, you can try to entice your spouse out of work mode by suggesting an activity that you can both do together. Although this might be considered a bit manipulative, providing an opportunity that your partner will enjoy could ease the tensions between you and let for an honest discussion of the issues that are arising from your partner’s workaholic tendencies.

When to Go for a Professional Help

Solving your marital problems related to a workaholic partner might feel like an insurmountable task, and mostly it is almost impossible to do alone. Luckily, though, psychologists and marriage counselor’s help is available to mediate open dialogue between you and your special one.

If your marriage is in serious trouble because of your spouse working too many hours or days, then marriage counseling could be an alternative that will help. Even if you might simply get your spouse in for the first therapy session, you might be able to help him or her to understand the gravity of the things and the toll it is having on you and your relationship personally.

It is essential during these sessions to discuss setting boundaries you both agree to that will not only assist your spouse to overcome his or her workaholic conduct but assist you both to communicate with one another openly and have compassion and empathy. If your partner agrees to a day with you or even a few hours, setting boundaries such as “no cell phones or texts at dinner” could greatly reduce work-related stress during your alone time.

In any given situation, the first step toward overcoming marital problems associated with living with a workaholic spouse is to initiate a conversation, express how their behavior makes you feel, and work together towards an amicable solution that leaves you feeling more appreciated and your partner’s need to work fulfilled.

When there appears to be more emotional turbulence than fulfillment in your relationship, or when your time together becomes a lot destructive than constructive, you are perhaps in a dysfunctional relationship

The roots of dysfunctional relationships mostly stem from childhood. Those who were raised up in a troublesome environment may not have had healthy relationships modeled.  They might subsequently end up repeating dysfunctional patterns in their own romantic relationships.

Mostly, unresolved individual problems can also lead to dysfunction.  After all, the journey to a strong, healthy connection has plenty to do with how well you know yourself and how safe and mentally healthy you feel. There cannot be any relationship with someone else that can compensate for your own unhappiness, no matter how well it is. Expecting your partner to make you happy, content, or fulfill could lead you to disappointment and dysfunctional patterns.

Even though no relationship is perfect, it is the genuine and mutual desire to communicate respectfully and manage conflict that can assist you to weather the most difficult storms.

Here, in this article marriage counselor and relationship counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about signs that one is living in a dysfunctional relationship.

Higher Levels of Conflict

Destructive communication involves a never-ending pattern of escalation. Imagine beginning off a discussion with; “The problem with you is…”, or “Why are you always so self-centric?”. It is quite simple to see the intensification of negativity this could invoke. Certainly, there is no such thing as a relationship having no conflict. Only a specific percentage of problems are solvable. So, what couples ought to have is a sense of forgiveness, conflict management, and good communication skills. This is probably the biggest hallmark of a healthy relationship.

In this sense, the danger is never the conflict, but disconnection. If you do not consistently confront your issues, you can end up in a never-ending circle of negativity, repeating the same argument time and again. It is when you have issues reconnecting and resolving your problems, or end up avoiding your problems altogether, that you feed dysfunction.

Emotional Disconnection

The reality is everyone needs emotional security to grow and thrive in a relationship. When one reads and responds, shares and listens, they create a relationship where emotional trust and safety exist and intimacy flourishes. It is not unusual for modern-day stresses and obligations to pull you apart. While several couples can come back together and heal, some stay chronically disconnected and might need assistance learning to connect.

Being emotionally out of tune is specifically destructive if your partner is attempting to make a bid for connection, and rather than acknowledging the bid, you turn away. For example, you see your partner, specifically, sad one day, instead of reaching out and/or asking if they need to talk, you overlook them and go on watching TV. Emotional involvement, active interest, and concern for your partner are signs of healthy functional relationships. A serious indication of dysfunction happens when you notice your partner stops bothering or fighting for the relationship.

Imbalance of Power

When you feel a power hierarchy within the relationship, where one of you is controlling the majority of the decisions shows very little respect, offers no compromise, or one where you do not dare risk honest self-expression, then you are likely having an imbalance of power in your relationship. This could look like one partner is asking for more and the other pulling away, or where you have small influence and are ignored.

In healthy relationships, both partners vouch for power during a conflict. But when power and control are prioritized instead of love and respect there will possibly be dysfunction.

Blame

Mostly the frustrated, dissatisfied, and unhappy couples are those who blame their partners for problems in the relationship. On the other hand, those who take personal accountability for solving their issues score highest in marital satisfaction.

Taking personal responsibility is vital to happy relationships. It means if your partner crosses a line, rather than blaming yourself or your partner, you take charge of the problems that come up. If you take responsibility for your role, and you both feel it is your duty to make each other happy, you will possibly decrease dysfunction.

Resentment

A high level of resentment within a relationship is the silent poison that mostly leads to destructive and harmful communication patterns. Resentment leaks into your daily interaction and makes your attempt to repair things more difficult.

Prolonged resentment sours your views on the relationship.  It mostly ties up with pride, identity, or values and can feel impossible to get rid of. Resentments require to be understood.  Ask yourself, what is creating these feelings? Is it linked to the past? Mostly resentment is rooted in deep core values and beliefs being threatened. Look to focus on your own feelings, then explain what the problems represent and mean to you.

Overall, it is well known that one cannot completely avoid conflict, disengagement, power struggles, blame, or resentment within relationships. One can have their attitude and mindset, however.

Try to look out for compassion and prioritize your relationship; nurture, and take an active part in the well-being of your partner. This goes a long way to functional, healthy, loving, and caring relationships.

It is not always a good gene at play when it comes to being an attractive woman. Her personality, qualities, and confidence all play a major role in unleashing her bright and shiny self, says Shivani.

Changes in actions, behavior, and speaking skills contribute to the attractiveness of a woman. The truth is, it is no longer about looks anymore.  Let’s know in this blog by psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo who talks about what traits attractive women possess.

Confidence

Having a killer confidence is worth dying for. Women who are confident of themselves, their abilities, and know what they are worth, are quite attractive and admirable. Such a woman does not feel the need to compare herself with any other in an attempt to feel beautiful and pretty. She is aware that true beauty comes from within and that no one can snatch that thunder from her.

Financial Independence

A woman who is able to manage and handle all of her finances alone is considered pretty attractive. Providing for herself and planning her own finances proves that she is quite strong and does not need to depend on others for her survival. Independency is quite an attractive trait that relates to self-made personalities.

Humble

Being egoistic regarding money and power is going to get no one anywhere. A woman is attractive when she is humble about her origins, does not sound phony, and enjoys and values life as it is. Having compassion for others and all things will make a person more approachable. Being confident and humble in the proper amount can term you as an attractive woman.

Positive Mindset

Having a positive approach to everything irrespective of the circumstances is indeed applause-worthy. A woman who opts to see the light instead of looming in the dark is an actual motivator because her positive personality will motivate others to also follow positivity and not drown in negative thoughts.

Smile

Having a pretty smile always attracts the heart. A beautiful and attractive woman loves to flash a pearly smile that is good enough to melt anybody’s heart. An authentic, honest smile is the embodiment of a healthy and positive mind and body. Moreover, seeing a woman smile will bring around a number of contagious smiles among people present there, making it a happy vibe.

Getting married is a life-changing and wonderful feeling. After all, taking a decision to spend the rest of your life with someone and sharing every aspect of it is a quite big decision.

Shivani Sadhoo says if this one decision goes wrong, both the individuals in the marriage and their respective families are bound to suffer. Thus, choosing the right person is vital to living a happy and content married life.

If you are wondering whether you have married the right person or not, no need to worry. Here are subtle signs shared in this blog by Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo that indicate you have married the right person.

You Simply can be Yourself Around your Partner

When you are around the right person, you feel free to show your true traits – the good, the bad, and the ugly – without any feeling of being awkward about them. Also, you do not feel under any pressure being judged about anything.

Feel Quite Comfortable Whilst Sharing Anything with them

Perhaps something happened in your past that you are not so confident in telling other people or whether you did something terrible that you always regret. Whatever it is, you must be able to tell your partner and know that they will only listen and support you.

You can Visualize yourself Growing Old with that Person

If you two feel and see yourself sharing wine, traveling, and enjoying each other’s company and other aspects of life down the road, do not worry. It shows you have made the right decision.

You Believe that she/he will become a Wonderful Spouse and Parent

If you wish to expand your family, you need to be marrying a person who also loves kids. Even if he is still too conservative to hold a baby, you will know deep down what kind of a parent he/she would be by his/her qualities and character.

You are Loved Unconditionally

In your heart deep inside you know this person loves you no matter what. Even when you mess up, when you say something terrible, or when the person is terribly annoyed with you.

You have Simply Chosen to be with them

In certain cases, people often can get sucked into relationships where they feel stuck. When you are with the right individual, you still remain you and you are making a conscious choice to share your remaining life with your partner.

You have Flourish in a Positive Manner all through your Relationship

When you marry someone, that individual will shape the person you become while you grow together through life. If you are happy with who you are today it is also because of your partner, you will continue to be happy and content with how you continue to evolve.

Happy couples or relationships are not merely about grand gestures or romantic messages. It is a lot more than that, says Shivani Sadhoo.  Happy couples are those who truly love and care for each other. Amidst differences, they support and respect each one’s opinions and that is the hallmark of a true, happy relationship.

When together, such a couple does not need the help of others or superficial materials to keep them entertained. They simply need hearty talk. However, sadly enough, there are several couples who do not realize if they are one of those happy ones. And so, in this blog, Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo lists some attributes that happy couples have in common.

They Have Respect for Each Other

Happy and content couples always respect each other’s views or opinions even if they disagree completely on an issue. They firmly believe that no couple will ever be totally cent percent compatible, so it is necessary to accept each other’s decisions since, at the end of the day, every person is his/her own individual before a relationship.

Interested in Each Other’s Lives

Being keen and interested in what your partner is doing is a healthy sign that you are in a happy relationship. Be it the hobbies, interests, opinions, aspirations showing interest in what a person pursues automatically places their partner in their good books.

Communicate with Each Other

Happy couples never ignore the option of communication out of the door. As vital as any other aspect, communication can assist a couple to understand what they both are thinking or feeling. And without right communication, misunderstandings, arguments, and fights are a surety to grow.

Seeing the Best in their Partners

These couples always see the best in each other as they believe that noticing positive attributes will garner more love in the relationship. Individuals need to know how good they are from their partners in an attempt to feel motivated and happy about themselves. Seeing the negative aspects in each other will only cause the relationship to go haywire.

Happy Even When they are not with Each Other

Couples do not need to be with each other 24/7/365 just to be happy. They can be equally happy and content when spending time with families, friends, or even alone. People in a happy relationship find peace with being content within themselves and then, they go on to share that happiness by being with another individual. Two partners should not be with each other to fill an emotional void.

Non-Motive Based Sex

Happy couples do not necessarily pay attention to sex for pleasure or gratification. It is not their topmost priority in a relationship because they tend to attend to each other’s emotional needs first. Being in a relationship just for the sex is not right as couples are less invested, both emotionally and mentally.

Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Signs of a healthy and happy marriage are pretty much noticeable. Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo says that your actions and body language depict how as a partner you treat each other.

Critical details of your body language can convey the state of your marriage, whether it is a happy or a sad one. Hence, this blog by Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo brings to you some expressions, or rather, certain body language that clearly signifies that a couple has a healthy marriage.

Eye Contact

If you and your partner maintain good eye contact while talking or discussing any issues, then it certainly means that you both prioritize crystal clear and transparent communication. This also indicates that you both are truly listening to each other. If by any means, your partner is ignoring you, then he/she will shift the gaze to something else.

Mirroring

With time, couples unintentionally begin to mirror each other’s actions or habits. You will see yourself unconsciously following your partner’s footsteps. This is due to the fact that you trust and believe in your partner enough, to do those things on your own as well.

Stealing Touches

Little touches or similar gestures indicate a deep sense of love and connectivity between you two. Touching your partner’s face, arms or patting their back can certainly make your partner feel loved and secure. This will increase the intimacy between the couple, enhancing the sense of affection, adoration, and passion.

Leaning in While your Partner is Talking

If your partner is enthusiastically talking about a certain thing which is really passionate, then you will look to lean forward while having an engaging conversation. It means you are truly excited and genuine to know what your partner is talking about.

Open your Palms

If you open your palms while communicating with your partner, it suggests that you are open and comfortable enough, to talk about your vulnerabilities, insecurities, and thoughts. Open palms signify openness and honesty, which is one of the most essential foundations of a relationship. This also indicates you are open to any criticism.

Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Relationships perhaps always start with wild, head-over-heels feelings of attraction and devotion. On its own, however, love is simply not enough. Shivani Sadhoo reveals some of the most common barriers between you, your partner, and long-lasting passion.

This blog by Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo highlights the facts when love is simply not enough.

Ah…love! Certainly, a hot and tricky topic says Shivani—and while many agree that good love takes time and effort, one also needs to know that love falls apart when the ball gets dropped in specific ways.

Everyone says we want it; but once they find it, why is it so damn difficult to keep it?

Here are some ways when you or your partner unwittingly ruin your love.

Brush Aside Past Pain

This one is huge. Once a person passes the age of 16, the possibility of experiencing hurt, disappointment, or betrayal is 100%. Not taking the needed time to feel the pain from your past keeps it alive and present in the here and now. One may love the ones you are with, but you also project all over them.

When you have old pain that has not been processed, you carry it into our present relationship. You cannot skim over or positively think your route out of emotional pain, and when you try to stuff your emotions, you will find a method to make your current partner pay for the past sins or wrongdoings of others because pain wants to be processed. Take care of your past so your present can be happy.

Safeguarding yourself Emotionally

Placing one foot out emotionally to safeguard yourself just in case things do not work out is like trying to constantly drive 40 km/hour while tapping your brake every other minute. You are not going to reach anywhere in love by holding back. Sure, respect your own boundaries, but remember falling in love is simply that—freely falling. Too frequently one experience hurts and never actually lets go again. Take your foot from the brake and trust.

Over – Thinking all the Things

Have you heard the phrase “paralysis by analysis”? Over-thinking and over-analyzing someone’s every word, move or intention dampens any chance of intimacy or connection.

Worrying and attempting to figure out someone’s intention vs taking them at face value is a sign of emotionally functioning from the past in an attempt to stay safe in the present. It is hypervigilance at its best and that best exposes out your worst.  Even if your present lover has hurt you in the past, expecting them to hurt you again certainly guarantees they will because you are hypersensitive vs relaxed and present. Remember, you see what you expect to see—remain and live in the now moment.

Stop Making Eye Contact

It is said and believed that “Eyes are the windows to your soul”.

Let’s accept it, life is busy and over time it becomes far too easy to navigate getting out of the house in the morning without even making eye contact with the one you love. It might sound small, but eye contact is intimate. Intimacy in the bedroom begins with intimate contact throughout the day. Look at each other.

Assume you Know your Loved One Completely

Even if you know each other from their birth, spent every single day together, and have talked for hours, there is no method to know everything about another human being. You are all individuals with individual perceptions, thoughts, and emotional experiences.

People change over time, so never assume that you know completely about your partner’s hopes, dreams, aspirations, and desires. Because the reality is, it’s not possible to know everything about one another no matter how long you’ve been living together.

Stop Touching

The two biggest influences on your sex drive come from your skin and your brain. Relationships are hot initially, because you are touching and kissing, as well as talking and questioning each other—constantly. Stimulation of the brain got covered in the above part, so let us move on to touching.

As time passes, several couples get lazy about touching for no specific reason. When you touch the one you love, the hormone oxytocin is produced and presents a huge opportunity for connection. Oxytocin is just like a powerful love tonic. Talking stimulates your brain, while touching stimulates everything else. Touch each other a lot.

Your Therapist Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

For many couples specifically, who have already spent a considerable amount of time in their marriage, it’s pretty easy to take your partner for granted. While the initial flames of young love might have cooled, keep the embers burning with lasting intensity.

Perhaps, life is too busy. It’s quite easy for you or your partner to feel neglected, at the bottom of a long list of priorities. So, the question arises how can you make certain your loved one still knows you love and care for them?

Also, it is not necessary that one has to do something big all the time to make their significant other feel special. Strengthen your relationship in the following small ways as suggested by India’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo to make your significant other feel special.

Tell your Significant Other Things You Love About them

Send messages, leave a voicemail and better still tell them face to face. Instead of saying things like ‘I love you (although that is always nice) try saying something truly specific: ‘I love you for being so kind and thoughtful about … for your support when you were standing with me through those times. Look your partner in his/her eyes when you tell them face to face.

Do Something Helpful

Try to make life a bit easier for your partner, jobs he/she generally does. Get quotes for the car insurance, put on the clothes of washing (and dry/iron/ put them in cupboards afterward), sort and tidy that pile of stuff that has been lurking for ages or clean the bathroom or kitchen from top to bottom.

Give your Significant Other a Small Treat

Bring your partner a favorite takeaway coffee and perhaps a pastry too. Leave chocolate on his or her pillow. Buy a single rose (ok so you may have to hunt for a florist for that one) or a special pot plant.

Give them Your Undivided Attention

Make a favorite soup or shake and sit down to drink them together. Ask: ‘what was the finest part of your day today? What was the worst one?’ Simply listen, you don’t have to fix it. Try to be completely present for your partner while you’re talking (ignore your phone, laptop and ignore the ‘to-do list’ crossing your thoughts).

Get Physical

Give your loved one a foot rub or neck massage. Place your arms around him or her and give them a long, lingering hug. Try kissing for about 60 seconds or longer, more than just giving him or her a peck on the cheek. Also, you may try to shake up your sex schedule. You all know that waiting until the end of the night to get intimate mostly means you fall asleep before you get to it.

Try alternative times to get intimate — maybe your lunch hour, on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon when probably the house is empty or kids may be busy somewhere else that may not need your attention or instructions. If evenings are the only available time, make it a priority —try to get into bed earlier.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control the pandemic’s spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help. Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high.

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option. Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service!

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.