Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

In today’s fast and frantic world maintaining relationships particularly the marital relationship is becoming tricky for few individuals. The honeymoon period in any committed relationship is not meant to last forever. Eventually, it becomes certain that sharing and living a life with another person requires an appropriate set of skills. Many couples start to come apart after the few years of the wedding because some of you are not bothering about how to maintain and strengthen your emotional bonds.

In this article marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo sharing Top 5 Ways To Improve Your Marriage. Here they are.

1.      Soften Your Stance

Arguments are one of the major reasons for discord in marital life. Arguments often flare up because one partner escalates the dispute by making a critical or arrogant remark. Discussing up problems politely and without blaming each other works much better and allows couples to peacefully engage in any conflict.

2.      Focus On The Positive Things

In a happy and content marriage, while talking about problems, couples should at least make 5 times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as compared to the negative ones. For instance, a happy couple will say We enjoy a lot instead of “We never have any fun.  A good marriage must have an abundant climate of positivity. Make daily deposits to your emotional bank accounts.

3.      Learn To Fix And Exit The Arguments

Happy couples know how to exit an argument, or how to fix the situation before an argument gets completely out of order. Examples of fix attempts: usage of humor, offering a gentle remark (I understand that this is not easy for you), making it clear you are on a common page (We will handle this ordeal together), backing down (in marriage, just like any sport, you often have to yield to win) and, mainly offering signs of appreciation for your partner and their feelings along the way. If an argument gets too heated, take a 15 minutes’ break, and try to approach the topic again when you both become calm and composed.

4.      Refine Yourself

The happiest and successful couples are kind to each other. They refrain from saying every critical thought when discussing delicate issues, and they will search for ways to express their needs and concerns respectfully without blaming or criticizing their partner.

5.      Adopt High Standards

Happy couples adopt high standards for each other. The happiest and successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, denies to accept hurtful behavior from each another. Low levels of tolerance for improper behavior in the initial phase of a relationship equals a happier couple down the time.

About Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an expert on Marriage and relationship issues and gets frequently been featured in leading newspapers, magazines and TV channels. Counsellor Shivani is an experienced and certified counselling psychologist with a specialization in the area of Personal Crisis interventions like coping-up with Relationship Issues, Marital Counselling, Separation and divorce, Child and Adolescent issues, Depression, Stress, Loss and grief. Counsellor Shivani is currently working with India’s top hospital groups like Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and Express Clinics.

Are you finding it difficult to get along with your mother-in-law?

Do you wish you could have lesser stress over your relationship with her?

Whenever we think about a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, unfortunately, most of the time a negative image comes to our mind.

In-laws can be the cause of a great deal of stress and frustration especially, to a young mother if she is not equipped to balance the demands of child-caring, house-cleaning, working and nurturing the relationships of her loved ones.

Mothers-in-law may be difficult to manage as some may benchmark you against their high standards, pick on everything you do (especially if you are living with them) and interfere when you try to discipline your kids.

But there are some ways to help resolve disputes with your mother-in-law.

Renowned, psychologist, marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 ways to have a better mother-in-law and daughter in law relationship. Here, they are:

1. Pick Your Battles

Not everything is worth arguing over. If your mother-in-law prefers you to follow a certain criterion when you keep your stuff.  Particularly, if you live in her place, give yourself space and time to accommodate her preferences.

When it comes to arguments over issues which are really important like the choice of school for your kid, you can at least remind her in a polite manner that you listened to her for a lot of  other things and followed them. Can she let you have your own way for this one thing?

2. Try to Woo Her At Regular Intervals

You might be thinking. Is it really possible? Nevertheless, give it a second thought. Every woman likes to be loved and appreciated, not just from their husbands and sons but even their daughters-in-law. Keep aside your pride and ego, and ask her out for her favorite activity or thing once in a while.

Set aside time and a reasonable budget (you don’t need to go overboard) to take her to eat her favorite cuisine, shop for clothes, travel on an affordable holiday or treat her to a movie or a concert of her choice.

Give a beautiful bouquet of flowers once in a while and let her show it in front of her friends.

Even a small act of love, like buying her lunch or dinner when she is sick, will help to open her heart towards you.

3.  Never Try To Out-Argue Her. Especially In Front of Others

As Indians, we value respect towards our elders a lot. More so as a daughter-in-law. Even if your mother-in-law is wrong, unless this is a life-threatening event, let her have the last say and absorb your words. When she is cooled down and you too, try interacting with her nicely, and ask her to consider your point of view too.

Yes, it means you have to eat humble pie, but if you value your relationship with her, somebody needs to take a step back first. After some time, when she feels you are not a threatening daughter-in-law, she may change her stance on how she responds to you.

4.  Find Allies

If you can make an ally with anyone else to intervene on your behalf, for example, your husband, children or siblings-in-law, do it in advance. Build goodwill with them so they can vouch you’re not a bad daughter-in-law when you get into a dispute with your mother-in-law.

5.   Discuss Your Concerns

There are many external factors that throw a spanner into your relationship with your mother-in-law. These could include stresses in getting a job, managing demands of work and family, health issues of yourself or family members, or major changes diet, going back to your studies etc.

If you do face external concerns, share them with your mother-in-law. Try to let her understand what’s going on in your life and how you’re trying your best to figure these things out. She may just give you that little bit of extra space you need at the moment and at best can also, provide you with a good idea.

Tips by Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Do you know feeling good about yourself can make you more attractive to others?  In fact, the more you can love yourself, the more your relationships can become easier and spontaneous.

A person who can love himself/herself and feel confident is a person with deep inner stability, and one who can adapt comfortably to the inevitable ups and downs that come with various relationships.

Today, renowned psychologist, marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 ways to make you more attractive in any relationship.

1.  Choose To Be Happy:

When you are happy, others sense it and feel relaxed in your presence. One way to actively be happy is to develop awareness for your internal critic that voice in your head that criticizes and judges. Surrendering yourself into your internal critic is like vaulting off a cliff into a no-zone. This is where your internal critic will lead you if you let it. It’s your job to recognize when your critic turns on you and to tell it “stop!”  Distract yourself with exercise, reading, listening to music, helping others, or doing creative things. Do whatever you can, but dispose-off the critic as soon as you hear its voice. Time and again, choose happiness.

2.  Stop Taking Yourself Too Seriously:

You don’t need to be perfect to have stable relationships and love in your life. In fact, it’s being imperfect that puts people feel relaxed. There is a type of intimacy that takes hold, a feeling that you can be open with this person because they are being open with you. Yes, it’s important to connect with supportive and non-toxic people. Mainly, speaking, most of the time, with most people, the negative things others communicate or imply about you are not insults to your character. Don’t give any attention to perceived slights let the small stuff slide off your back. When you’re faced with valid or invalid criticism, try if you can laugh at yourself or make a joke. In the end, you are not defined by others, no matter what they say or do.

3.   Look After Yourself:

People who look after themselves are more attractive because they exude self-discipline. Being in complete control of yourself means others don’t think you as a burden to be taken care. Eating nutritiously, exercising daily, and attending to your emotional psyche should be a part of your daily routine.

4. Do The Correct Thing:

Whenever you struggle with self-confidence, you are likely seeking the approval or suggestion of others. You’re stealthily on the lookout for praise, and a sense that you belong and are doing the correct thing. When you do this, you’re not worrying about the bigger picture because you’re too focused on yourself. A busy search for validation from others won’t certainly bring it; in fact, your insecurity may force people away from you. Instead, do the correct thing for yourself, for others, and for society by and large. Be kind to the people in your life and to those who have less listen, support, and give them your attention. See if this brings you affirmation.

5.   Live For Yourself:

A person who has a sense of purpose and meaning are irresistible because they exude strength. Concentrating on how others may or may not be judging you waste so much time that could be utilized on getting what you expect out of life. Ask yourself questions, what gives me happiness? What would I like to achieve in this life? What provides me a feeling of being at peace? And then shut the voice in your mind that questions your choices, and start living for yourself.

About Shivani Misri Sadhoo: Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is one of the best marriage counselor in Delhi NCR. She has served over thousands plus happy & satisfied individuals and couples in India and abroad. She is India’s best expert on Marriage and relationship issues and gets frequently been featured in leading newspapers, magazines and TV channels. 

Counsellor Shivani is an experienced and certified counselling psychologist with a specialization in the area of Personal Crisis interventions like coping-up with Relationship Issues, Marital Counselling, Separation and divorce, Child and Adolescent issues, Depression, Stress, Loss & Grief. Counsellor Shivani is currently working with India‘s top hospital groups like Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics.

Sometimes people can be surrounded by their spouse, kids, friends, and in-laws and still amongst all these people, deep down underneath they may be living a lonely life. Loneliness can come not only in absence of physical company but also when you don’t feel connected with the people you are living with.

When your spouse and kids are too busy and too focused & busy in their own lives that they just see you a part of the house and not part of themselves, then loneliness can turn into a real burden. It can leave you not knowing how to make things good? Should you try to talk to our partner? Or whatever causes this sense of loneliness makes it difficult? Apart from leaving you feeling isolated, loneliness can also make you feel vulnerable.

Eminent Marriage Counselor (Delhi) and Relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 pointers which state How to respond to loneliness in marriage? Here they are:

1.      Learn How To Apply ASLAN To Your Marriage

The big lesson which we need to learn in life right now is accepting circumstances and people the way they are. You should practice ASLAN, which stands for Acceptance, Surrender, Live And Know, this is the way it is supposed to be. ASLAN may not make sense to you, but the bottom line is that accepting your lonely marriage is the first step to coping with it. Instead of resisting your loneliness or hoping things were different, you need to accept that your marriage the way it is.

2.      Cope With Your Loneliness In Healthy Manner

You need to take care of your own emotional and social needs. If you are married and lonely, you may need to create relationships outside of your marriage irrespective of your spouse is willing to build a better marriage with you or not. You may need to make friends by doing volunteer work, joining recreational clubs or hiking groups, joining a sports or spiritual organization, or taking continuing education classes. Test yourself by pursuing a different career or going back to school.

3.      Accept What You Wish Your Spouse Could Give You

Do you want your spouse to support you, have more sex with you, speak to you, or give you company to events or functions? What do you want from your spouse? Before you learn how to cope with a lonely marriage, you need to figure out what you’re missing. It’s essential to accept that you’re married and isolated, but you also need to be certain about what you want from your partner. He/she may not be able to give you what you need, but you need to be clear on what you want or expect.

 4.      Realize That Married Yet Alone Frequently Go Hand In Hand

What are your expectations from your marriage and your partner? A friendless marriage is something we all cope with from time to time, but it’s not as complicated when we expect to be. Our partners can’t be there for us all the time. If your spouse is never there for you or is emotionally abusive. You may need to pull away, in order to protect yourself.

5.      Practice The Skills Of Enjoying Your Own Company

We often feel that he/she isn’t comfortable being alone because he/she feels uncertain and lost. People haven’t found themselves, their identity, self-confidence. They haven’t learned to enjoy their own company and more significantly they haven’t learned how to take care of their own needs. People are setting themselves up to cope with a lonely marriage because they expect too much from their partner.