Are you finding it difficult to get along with your mother-in-law?
Do you wish you could have lesser stress over your relationship with her?
Whenever we think about a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, unfortunately, most of the time a negative image comes to our mind.
In-laws can be the cause of a great deal of stress and frustration especially, to a young mother if she is not equipped to balance the demands of child-caring, house-cleaning, working and nurturing the relationships of her loved ones.
Mothers-in-law may be difficult to manage as some may benchmark you against their high standards, pick on everything you do (especially if you are living with them) and interfere when you try to discipline your kids.
But there are some ways to help resolve disputes with your mother-in-law.
1. Pick Your Battles
Not everything is worth arguing over. If your mother-in-law prefers you to follow a certain criterion when you keep your stuff. Particularly, if you live in her place, give yourself space and time to accommodate her preferences.
When it comes to arguments over issues which are really important like the choice of school for your kid, you can at least remind her in a polite manner that you listened to her for a lot of other things and followed them. Can she let you have your own way for this one thing?
2. Try to Woo Her At Regular Intervals
You might be thinking. Is it really possible? Nevertheless, give it a second thought. Every woman likes to be loved and appreciated, not just from their husbands and sons but even their daughters-in-law. Keep aside your pride and ego, and ask her out for her favorite activity or thing once in a while.
Set aside time and a reasonable budget (you don’t need to go overboard) to take her to eat her favorite cuisine, shop for clothes, travel on an affordable holiday or treat her to a movie or a concert of her choice.
Give a beautiful bouquet of flowers once in a while and let her show it in front of her friends.
Even a small act of love, like buying her lunch or dinner when she is sick, will help to open her heart towards you.
3. Never Try To Out-Argue Her. Especially In Front of Others
As Indians, we value respect towards our elders a lot. More so as a daughter-in-law. Even if your mother-in-law is wrong, unless this is a life-threatening event, let her have the last say and absorb your words. When she is cooled down and you too, try interacting with her nicely, and ask her to consider your point of view too.
Yes, it means you have to eat humble pie, but if you value your relationship with her, somebody needs to take a step back first. After some time, when she feels you are not a threatening daughter-in-law, she may change her stance on how she responds to you.
4. Find Allies
If you can make an ally with anyone else to intervene on your behalf, for example, your husband, children or siblings-in-law, do it in advance. Build goodwill with them so they can vouch you’re not a bad daughter-in-law when you get into a dispute with your mother-in-law.
5. Discuss Your Concerns
There are many external factors that throw a spanner into your relationship with your mother-in-law. These could include stresses in getting a job, managing demands of work and family, health issues of yourself or family members, or major changes diet, going back to your studies etc.
If you do face external concerns, share them with your mother-in-law. Try to let her understand what’s going on in your life and how you’re trying your best to figure these things out. She may just give you that little bit of extra space you need at the moment and at best can also, provide you with a good idea.
Counsellor Shivani is experienced and certified counseling psychologists with specialization in the area of Personal Crisis interventions like coping-up with Relationship Issues, Marriage Counselling, Separation & Divorce, Child and Adolescent issues, Depression, Stress, Domestic and Sexual Abuse, Loss & Grief, Suicidal feelings.
Counsellor Shivani is currently working with India 's top hospital groups like Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics.
Counsellor Shivani is a Certified Neuro-Linguistic Practitioner with specialized training and experience in the fields of Relationship and Marital issues. She is a Level 3 Trained Gottman Method Couples Therapist.
Call Counselor: +91-8860875040
Gottman Certification: https://gottmanreferralnetwork.com/therapists/shivani-misri-sadhoo?search[country_code]=IN
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