Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

You might have seen that a person all of a sudden asks you a particular thing about which only you know, yet that person ends up asking regarding that thing. At that point, you may be wondering how come he/she came to know about it. Well, this is one of the qualities of an empath person. It is certain that many of you have heard people refer to their partners to others as empaths, specifically with the surge in these sorts of spiritual practices and beliefs becoming more prominent. For those of you who do not know, an empath is someone who can feel and experience the emotions of people and other beings around them as if they were the Empath’s own.

Empathic persons are also known for being sensitive towards the paranormal, physical pain, and sensations of others, and also who are highly sensitive to their own emotions and physical sensations, amongst several things. Many individuals claims to be an empath, but the number of people who are genuine empaths is quite smaller in number.

In this blog, India’s leading psychologist and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about the signs, you are in a relationship with an empathetic person.

He/She Experiences Anxiety, Depression, Mood Swings or Other Psychological Phenomena

Empath individual is known for his/her defining feature, being able to feel and experience the emotions of others. Empaths can, in simple terms, put themselves in other people’s shoes with great intensity. Empaths, such as shamans, are well known to absorb illnesses and negativity from people around them. Sadly, shamans are better able to deflect unwarranted energies than most empaths.

They Often Get Sick and Experience Chronic Illnesses

Empaths are quite capable of deflecting negative energies rather than soaking them, but many empaths are not aware of their gift or simply do not know how to manage it properly. Watch out if your partner is having the same issue.

They are Known for Having Intense and Turbulent Emotions

This is actually not a bad thing. In fact, it can be a quite wonderful thing at times. Your partner experience love and happiness in such large quantities that it brings about intense euphoria and peace. Intimacy can also be extremely fulfilling and intense, specifically if your partner loves you when you are with him.

But they also experience sadness, anger, and guilt at extremes too. Sadness could feel soul-crushing, guilt all-consuming, anger becomes explosive. The worst part is that sometimes these emotions aren’t even their own.

They Feel Connected to Nature and Animals

Not be an adage, but this is a huge sign. Your partner does not need to be a full-blown nature fanatic to feel the connection. They can feel the life given off by everything, like the grass, flowers, trees, animals who inhabit the whole earth with us. They can feel the vibrations of the seasonal change too besides they appreciate it all.

Children and Animals Gravitate Towards Them

Do animals or children seem to stare at your partner for no apparent reason? They may be seeing something most of you cannot—the aura. An aura is the energy field. It reflects the true personality and emotions with colors. Animals and children are supposedly more sensitive to such elements, for that reason they may be seeing the biggest giveaway to the person’s true intentions (the aura, in case the wasn’t obvious). We already have seen that children can tell if a person is good or bad, but how do they do it? Well, this is up for you to decide. The bottom line is they know certain things about the person is special, so they gravitate towards them.

They Can Read Others Like a Book

They have a naturally heightened intuition that serves them well in many ways, especially when it comes to reading people. They are an expert at reading people’s intentions and judging their character. It is hard to go by their intuition at times, especially when first meeting someone or when asking for someone’s opinion on their gut feelings, but they have this intuition for a reason. It might not be right every time, but it is the right majority of the time.

He/She is a Very Thoughtful

They care deeply about what they say and do because they understand the consequences their actions could have on those around you, even indirectly. They may even overanalyze everything and worry excessively about what kind of mark he/she is leaving on the world. It’s vital for them to stay self-aware and mindful of their actions to avoid hurting themselves or others, but it’s also important for them to stay genuine and not let their fear of what others think of them controlling his/her life.

All of the above-mentioned signs are good enough to let you know that your partner is an empath or not.

Your Counselor Is Now Just Skype/Video Call Away

During the current challenging time, it’s common to experience anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and relationship challenges at home. While you are under lockdown and maintaining social distancing norms to help the country to control COVID-19 spread, your very own counsellor Shivani is now just a call and Skype video call away from you.

However, in this age of coronavirus, we hope to offer our therapeutic help.  Change is difficult for all of us and changing the way you meet with your therapist is no exception.  But try it before you disregard this option.  This is a challenging moment in time, and fears and anxieties are running high. 

You may find, telepsychology isn’t a second-rate option.  Instead, it’s an effective and efficient upgrade to a valuable service! 

Feel free to call Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo at +91-8860875040 for telephonic or video support and to book an online counselling session to address any relationship issues, emotional and psychological challenges.

Being emotional is a part of human nature. But the problem arises when getting emotional becomes a regular pattern, as it leads one to become emotionally fragile which is certainly not a good thing to happen. However, there might come a time in your life when your emotions have been depleted, and you need to search for ways to recharge yourself so that you continue to lead a good life. When you become emotionally exhausted, it is difficult to get anything done.

Delhi’s eminent marriage counselor and psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo tell us ways to get emotionally stronger. Here are some points.

Identify Where You Are

All of us have transition phases in our lives, and when you are in the middle of one of them, it can be difficult to see what really is going on. You may feel disconnected from your work, or perhaps you are mentally drained, which is an uncomfortable emotional experience. So it is very important to identify your own surroundings where you are.

Take A Break

It’s possible you just need a wait for a few days (or a few months) to allow things to settle down or discover an answer to your related to your concerns. People who do not take break tend to burn out, so save yourself from that agony and frustration by taking a rest when you need to, even if you don’t really think that you need it. It will help you to analyze the situation better and will lead to being emotionally stronger as compared to your previous situation.

Compose Yourself

Whatsoever, self-calming methods you have learned or applied in the past, now is the time to dust them off and start your method again. Developing emotional strength requires daily practice, just like developing physical strength. Whether you meditate daily, listen to music, or simply have a quiet cup of tea in your garden, it will not only recharge you but will also contribute towards becoming emotionally stronger.

Socialize With People Who Loves You

This could be actually difficult if you are in a wounded position and do not want your loved ones to notice you this way, but it is a great healer. You can try to say, “I am slightly down on energy today and looking for a break. How would you feel about just socializing out?” This will allow them to know where you are without providing details, and you can have a day of unwinding yourself.

Try Something Different

Many a times you might have observed that doing new things increases your association with life and those close to you. If you have never tried new things like hiking or trekking now, it could be a good time to do it and connect with nature. Just by reviewing the to-do list will help you identify what adventure you want to take.

Get Counselling

There will be times when you will not be feeling yourself or may not able to find a way. This may require an outside perspective to give you another perspective that you need to take action or to stop doing something that is not benefiting you. So seeking counseling can be beneficial. It could be hard to feel that even though you may love something, it might not be good for you at a particular moment in life. So letting go things might help you in becoming emotionally stronger.

Anybody who has been a victim of workplace bullying knows the pain that this type of harassment and humiliation causes. Well, once the bully has been dealt with, don’t expect to feel fine afterwards. While you may feel a sense of relief, that you are no longer experiencing the daily stress of working with a bully, you also may have some residual impact from what you experienced. Workplace bullying often has a lasting impact on your overall mental and physical health.

As a result, there will be days when the path to recovery may be challenging. Something somebody says may trigger those familiar feelings of anxiety. Or, you may worry every time you disagree with somebody. These feelings are all normal. But with minor work and extra effort in taking care of yourself, you will get your life back. What’s more, you can take what happened to you in the workplace and learn from it. Use it to strengthen you as you move forward with your life and your career.

The key is to not grant what happened to you define who you are as a person. Identify that workplace bullies have a choice. You did not deserve to be bullied. Place the responsibility for the bullying on the shoulders of the bully and move forward. Leave the hurtful words and the actions in the past.

Eminent psychologist and corporate counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo share 5 ways to heal from workplace bullying. Here they are.

1.  Make Your Health A Priority

Victims of workplace bullying deal with a bulk of health issues including sleeplessness, stomach issues, headaches, and stress conditions. They also may deal with post-traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks, eating disorders, depression, and thoughts of suicide. Talk to your doctor about any symptoms you are feeling. It’s also a good idea to find a counselor.

Remember, being targeted by a workplace bully does more than affect your mood or self-esteem. It also can affect your physical health. Do not defer in taking care of yourself. Neglecting your symptoms can lead to a host of other health issues. Staying healthy should be your top priority.

2.  Find Emotional Support and Validation

When bullying happens, the victim is often accused of having a problem or being the problem. Continuous criticism, rumors, lies, and gossip can take its toll leaving you feeling lonely, isolated and hopeless. But remember you are not alone. In fact, workplace bullying is a widespread issue that affects workers daily. Consider finding a support group in your area or starting one of your own. Find validation for what you have experienced and identify that there is nothing wrong with you. It will take work to build up your self-esteem and overall confidence again, but it can be done.

3.  Change How You Look At the Experience

Many times, a person who has been bullied develops a very narrow view of life because the bullying they experienced consumes their every thought. Think about things other than what you have gone through, things that have meaning or purpose in your life.

There are several benefits to positive thinking. If you are having trouble doing this on your own, a counsellor can help you redirect your thought processes. What’s more, avoid feeling guilty about how you confronted the bully or the length of time it took you to take action. These things are in the past. Leave them there.

4. Educate Yourself about Workplace Bullying

If you are puzzled by what has happened to you, read everything you can about workplace bullying. While it can be frustrating to read about the issue, in the long run, it will help you come to terms with what happened to you.

What’s more, being educated about bullying will prepare you for future confrontations. Some victims of workplace bullying even become advocates or support group leaders for others suffering at the hands of a workplace bully.

 5. Find Closure and A New Beginning

Part of the healing process is being able to put the past behind you and detach from the trauma and humiliation you experienced. Sometimes finding this closure involves switching jobs or careers. But you also need to realize that your identity is tied to more than just your work.

Rediscover who you are. Develop new interests, new hobbies, new goals, and new dreams. Do not allow yourself to be preoccupied with what happened to you. Instead, find a better way to shift your focus and put the past behind you.

Sometimes people can be surrounded by their spouse, kids, friends, and in-laws and still amongst all these people, deep down underneath they may be living a lonely life. Loneliness can come not only in absence of physical company but also when you don’t feel connected with the people you are living with.

When your spouse and kids are too busy and too focused & busy in their own lives that they just see you a part of the house and not part of themselves, then loneliness can turn into a real burden. It can leave you not knowing how to make things good? Should you try to talk to our partner? Or whatever causes this sense of loneliness makes it difficult? Apart from leaving you feeling isolated, loneliness can also make you feel vulnerable.

Eminent Marriage Counselor (Delhi) and Relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 5 pointers which state how to respond to loneliness in an Indian marriage. Here they are:

1.      Learn How To Apply ASLAN To Your Marriage

The big lesson which we need to learn in life right now is accepting circumstances and people the way they are. You should practice ASLAN, which stands for Acceptance, Surrender, Live And Know, this is the way it is supposed to be. ASLAN may not make sense to you, but the bottom line is that accepting your lonely marriage is the first step to coping with it. Instead of resisting your loneliness or hoping things were different, you need to accept that your marriage the way it is.

2.      Cope With Your Loneliness In Healthy Manner

You need to take care of your own emotional and social needs. If you are married and lonely, you may need to create relationships outside of your marriage irrespective of your spouse is willing to build a better marriage with you or not. You may need to make friends by doing volunteer work, joining recreational clubs or hiking groups, joining a sports or spiritual organization, or taking continuing education classes. Test yourself by pursuing a different career or going back to school.

3.      Accept What You Wish Your Spouse Could Give You

Do you want your spouse to support you, have more sex with you, speak to you, or give you company to events or functions? What do you want from your spouse? Before you learn how to cope with a lonely marriage, you need to figure out what you’re missing. It’s essential to accept that you’re married and isolated, but you also need to be certain about what you want from your partner. He/she may not be able to give you what you need, but you need to be clear on what you want or expect.

 4.      Realize That Married Yet Alone Frequently Go Hand In Hand

What are your expectations from your marriage and your partner? A friendless marriage is something we all cope with from time to time, but it’s not as complicated when we expect to be. Our partners can’t be there for us all the time. If your spouse is never there for you or is emotionally abusive. You may need to pull away, in order to protect yourself.

5.      Practice The Skills Of Enjoying Your Own Company

We often feel that he/she isn’t comfortable being alone because he/she feels uncertain and lost. People haven’t found themselves, their identity, self-confidence. They haven’t learned to enjoy their own company and more significantly they haven’t learned how to take care of their own needs. People are setting themselves up to cope with a lonely marriage because they expect too much from their partner.

If you think smiling is just a social courtesy, a way to greet a person, then think again. Research has found that a human smile holds an unlimited potential to improve a person’s social, psychological and physical well-being.  Today couples therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares various reasons why it’s important to smile as often as you can.

1. Smiling reduces stress.

Smiling helps in reducing body stress. According to Smithsonian, people who smile through stressful events (whether the smile is genuine or not) have fewer physiological stress reactions and reduced stress hormones, and they report less stress than those who don’t smile. So next time you’re stuck in traffic or working against a deadline, stop to smile.

2. Smiling helps your heart.

Smiling not only can relax your body, it also has the power to slow your heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and decrease your chances of a heart disease.

3. Smiling improves relationships.

According to a University of California, Berkeley study, people who smile often are more likely to have fulfilling and happy marriages and relationships than people who do not. Try smiling at your spouse every day to see if the research holds true for you.

4. A smile builds trust.

Studies have proved that a genuine smile increases the trust that the recipient of that smile feels. In fact, the bigger your smile (not a crazy smile, but a big approachable smile), the more trustworthy you appear. Building trust is an absolute must for business and individual successes, and when you give your clients a warm smile, they are likely to trust you more.

5. Smiling makes you happier

We know we smile when we’re happy usually but do you know its works in reverse too. The human brain is stimulated when facial muscles move into a smile, whether or not the smile is caused by happy emotions. Hence as per the study, people who hold a smile, regardless of their emotional state, have reported feeling happier afterwards.

Developing and maintaining a work-life balance can seem impossible in today’s competitive workplace and fast lifestyle. Technology has made employees accessible around the clock. Fears of job loss increase longer working hours. Physicians and mental help experts agree that the compounding stress from the never-ending workday is damaging. It can hurt relationships, health and overall happiness.

According to Couples Therapist Shivani Misri Sadhoo, despite these realities, some people are managing to carve out satisfying and meaningful lives outside of their work and maintain a good work-life balance. She suggests that to bring work-life balance, people must understand and try to bring certain habits in their life. These habits are:

Make Deliberate Choices

Instead of just letting life happen, people who achieve work-life balance make deliberate choices about what they want from life and how they want to spend their time. They talk to their partners, spouses, and others who are important in their lives and come up with a road map of what is important to them, how they want to spend their time and commit to following their path.

Time for family, Friends and Important Interests

People who have managed to bring work-life balance in their life, commonly don’t just wait to see what time is left over after work. They make a point of planning and booking time off to spend outside of work and powerfully guard this time. Hence when they are home, they don’t think or get bother about office worries, when they are at the office they guard themselves against having any home worries.

Strong sense of what they expect from their life

People who manage work-life balance have developed a strong sense of who they are, their values, and what is important to them. Using this as a guideline for everything helps them determine what success means to them. They know what makes them happy and strive to get more of that in their lives. In short, they don’t run a blind race that causes professional, mental and emotional complexities.

They devote time to healthy habits

People who manage work-life balance often develop an interest in healthy activities and perform them daily. Activities like yoga, aerobic, meditation, music, sports, or some other interests allow them to get away from the pressures of everyday life to relax, rejuvenate, and regenerate themselves.

Many amongst us often fail to realise that negative emotions are not always ‘linked to’ or ‘outcome of’ our external circumstances rather certain approaches/behaviours when we practice in our lives, results in repeated unpleasant outcomes/results that create sad feelings/disappointments and those feelings again create unpleasant outcomes – producing a vicious circle that destroy happiness in life.

The misery one suffers due to negative emotions does not end in the vicious circle of unpleasant outcomes and feelings. These bad feelings also result in the occurrence of psychological complexities, heart diseases, hypertension and the weakening of the immune system.

Today marital therapist and relationship coach Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 4 crucial tips that can help people to bring and maintain positive emotions.

1.  Live within the territory of ‘NOW’

A lot of people never understand the power and capacity of living and working in “NOW”, but when they do, their life changes dramatically. This happens because our pain and anxiety can only work when they get access to our memories.

For example, a man who is searching for a life partner repeatedly gets rejected by the opposite gender. Finally, when he starts to introspect why girls repeatedly reject him he realises that his rejection in life has left a deep impression on his mind.

Hence every time he starts a conversation with a girl, his mind first develops a strong expectation (future) for success and then at the same mind reminds him of the experiences of humiliation and how sad the earlier dismissals made him. This caused him to talk in a peculiar manner that has a mixed element of anxiety, shyness and/or underconfidence.

Finally the person, after his realisation, meets a girl by freeing himself from the clutches of future expectations and past memories – by living in now. While meeting the girl this time, his mind was not remembering past experiences, he was able to observe and listen actively to what the girl was sharing and what she was expecting to hear from him and that further cemented their friendship.

It’s true that living in present frees the mind from the dominance of past memories and future expectations but that’s not easy to achieve. Persistent and conscious attempts have to be made by the person, initially telling and reminding himself/herself not to think about the past and not to expect and gradually this will turn into a habit.

2. Acceptance

This is another part of being in the now. Most people try to run away from their negative emotions. They eat, watch TV, play mobile games, and chat, check Facebook or YouTube etc. It’s only when the person gets curious and tries to find why he/she is experiencing bad emotion and put an attempt to accept it as a part of you, it tends to disappear.

But how do you accept it when it feels so painful?

That’s the first hurdle you have to overcome because when you do, you will realise that the pain was only half an inch thick. You can either learn to let go of your negative emotions, or you can keep doing what you’ve been doing up until this point.

3. Ask yourself the four Magic questions

The third important technique to get free from negative emotions is to ask self the four magical questions.

• Is the fear, anxiety or pain true?
• Are you absolutely sure that it’s true?
• How do you react when you believe this thought?
• What would be the payoffs of being angry or depressed?

4. Take expert’s help

If you have tried the above suggestions and still find it difficult to get rid of your negative emotions, then you should immediately consult a mental help expert like a psychologist or counsellor who would help you deal with the situation in a better way.