Marriage Counsellor and Psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Sometimes, there are little things that can make a real difference to the success of your relationship. Small gestures – from a hug to a kind word – can be the glue that binds two people together. Conversely, contempt or criticism can break that bond of togetherness forever.

Have you ever wondered why some relationships fail while others seem to thrive and last a lifetime? Relationships are complex – and even the strongest ones require hard work and dedication to maintain. Yet even with hard work and dedication, many relationships still fail to stand the test of time.

Therefore, it is essential to understand the reasons why relationships don’t always last so that we can strive to make our last says, Shivani. Seeking couples counseling can be a great way to get help in finding solutions to the issues that may be causing tension in your relationship.

What are four habits that could help the beginning of a successful couple’s therapy?

Let’s explore the underlying causes of relationship breakdowns and discover ways to prevent them from happening from Delhi’s top marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo.

Don’t criticize

Criticizing someone’s character involves making negative judgments and comments about them, their personality, or their beliefs. It can be damaging to a relationship because it can lead to feelings of resentment and insecurity.

For example, when someone says “you’re so selfish” or “you don’t know how to do anything right”, it is considered criticism because it is attacking the person’s character and not a specific issue. It can erode trust and respect, and can also lead to a decrease in communication, which can make it difficult for the two people to work through their differences. It also can lead to negative self-perception, as the person being criticized may see themselves as inadequate or flawed in some way.

This is similar to a virus that infects a computer, slowly undermining the system and causing various issues to arise. It can corrupt files and data, and if left unchecked, can result in permanent damage that can be difficult to repair. Instead of being critical and causing permanent damage, focus on being constructive and supportive in a relationship.

This can help to foster positive self-perception and help avoid potential issues arising from negative criticism. For example, rather than saying “You should have done this differently,” try saying “Here’s an idea for a different approach.”

Don’t be contemptuous

There are times when couples treat each other with disrespect and sarcasm resulting in what is known as contempt between them. This can have a profound effect on their relationship as it erodes trust and creates a hostile environment.

Contempt can be viewed as a form of emotional victimization, as it can lead to feelings of resentment, anger, and hurt. The partner that displays contempt can become increasingly overwhelmed by the negative emotions they are causing, leading to a vicious cycle of communication breakdown.

Contempt is often shown through subtle gestures like rolling eyes, or through more obvious signs like pointing a finger or raising the voice. It is an expression of disdain and superiority that is not only emotionally painful but can also lead to damaging communication patterns in relationships.

This is like pouring salt on an open wound; the pain it causes can never be forgotten and the damage it does is irreparable. It is not only destructive but also dangerous to any relationship, causing emotional trauma that is hard to forget.

Such behavior should not be condoned but corrected, as it can lead to a breakdown in communication and trust, which can be extremely difficult to repair. For instance, being told you are “stupid” or “useless” by someone you love and trust can have long-term impacts on your self-esteem and emotional well-being. 

So, what should we do? To prevent such a painful experience, it is important to practice respectful communication, be mindful of one’s words, and approach conflict resolution with kindness and understanding.

Instead of lashing out with hurtful words, try to remain calm and talk openly about your feelings and needs in a respectful and constructive way. For example, rather than saying “you’re wrong” or “you’re stupid,” one could choose to say “I don’t understand why you think that” or “let’s talk about it and try to understand each other better.”

Learn to appreciate instead of being contemptuous. Appreciation fosters a sense of connection and understanding between people, which can lead to stronger relationships. When someone takes the time to tell you how much they appreciate something you have done, it gives you a sense of accomplishment and pride.

It also encourages more positive interactions between individuals, as they are likely to remember the positive experience and be more likely to cooperate in the future. For example, a simple “thank you” or “I appreciate your help” can go a long way in improving relationships between people.

Don’t be defensive

Couples Therapist Shivani Sadhoo says, when you get defensive, it’s like putting up a wall between you and the other person. This is similar to fighting fire with water: if you pour fuel on the fire, it will only get bigger and more intense, but if you pour water on it, it will help to contain and smother the flame.

Using a calm and understanding approach to a situation is the most effective way to keep it from escalating. It can lead to a breakdown in communication, as well as feelings of mistrust and resentment on both sides. It’s better to take a step back, take a deep breath, and try to understand why the other person is feeling the way they are. Instead, try to be open to hearing the other person’s perspective without being judgemental.

This will foster a deeper understanding and allow both sides to work through their differences in a healthier way. For instance, if your partner is expressing frustration with a situation, instead of reacting defensively, it may be helpful to ask questions such as “What concerns do you have?” or “How can we work together to address this?”

Instead of being defensive, be responsible in a relationship. Take ownership of the situation, and look for ways to resolve the issue, instead of being closed off or trying to deflect blame. This helps ensure that both parties have the opportunity to express their feelings and work together to find a solution.

It also helps to prevent the issue from escalating into something more serious, and it can help to strengthen the relationship in the long run. For instance, if a couple is arguing about how to spend money, each partner can take responsibility for the conversation and suggest potential solutions to their financial issues, instead of just blaming each other.

Don’t stonewall your partner

Sometimes when the going gets tough, it can be helpful to take a step back and look at the problem from a different perspective. But, many people try to avoid such confrontations and conversations. Instead, they simply withdraw from the conversation and completely refuse to respond.

This kind of behavior when one person is cognitively or emotionally inaccessible to another person and builds a wall between themselves is called stonewalling. This is similar to building a fortress around yourself when faced with a difficult situation.

You retreat inside, away from the storm, but are unable to actually address and resolve the issue. For instance, a person who is stonewalling may refuse to answer their partner’s questions, may avoid eye contact, or may leave the conversation altogether.

Stonewalling can be damaging to relationships, as it creates an emotional disconnect between the two people, leading to mistrust and resentment. This often leads to a deadlock in the conversation, where nobody is willing to budge and no progress is made.

To overcome stonewalling, it is important to try to approach the issue from a place of understanding and compassion. Making sure to respect the other person’s feelings and trying to empathize with their point of view can help to create an atmosphere that is conducive to resolving the issue.

It is also important to take breaks if the conversation becomes too heated. In addition, it is necessary to express your feelings calmly and clearly so that the other person can understand your problem better. Doing so can help to bridge the gap between both partners, enabling them to come to a resolution more quickly and efficiently.

As people grow and change, so do their relationships. People are complex and have different wants and needs, and relationships can become strained as they learn to navigate these changes. With understanding and communication, couples can overcome these challenges and strengthen their bond. If you still face problems, don’t hesitate to seek professional advice.                                           

According to The Oxford English Dictionary intimacy has been defined as the “inmost thoughts or feelings; proceeding from, concerning, or impacting one’s inmost self: closely personal.”

While couples therapist Shivani Sadhoo says, from a psychological or relationship’s view intimacy generally, denotes mutual vulnerability, openness, and sharing. It is mostly present in close, loving relationships like in marriages and friendships. The word is also at times used to refer to sexual interactions, but intimacy does not have to be restricted to be sexual only.

Though intimacy could undoubtedly exist beyond romantic relationships, it most usually pertains to dating and marriage. The word intimacy has been derived from Latin word “intimus,” which means ‘inner’ or ‘innermost. In the majority of romance languages, the word intimate refers to an individual’s innermost qualities.

Intimacy lets people bond with each other on multiple levels. Therefore, it is a mandatory component of healthy relationships.

Through this blog, India’s eminent marriage counselor Shivani Sadhoo covers the different forms of intimacy and how you can make more of it in your relationship.

What are the types of intimacy that exist in a relationship?

Upon hearing the word, most of you perhaps instantly jumped to thinking about physical intimacy, but other forms of intimacy are simply as important, particularly when it comes to romantic relationships. Let’s have a look at some different kinds of intimacy.

Physical intimacy

While holding a hand or hugging are both examples of physical intimacy, this form is most commonly used in reference to sex. And while sex is integral in relationships, you can also showcase physical intimacy through kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and skin-to-skin contact.

While these minor physical displays of affection might seem mundane, they can actually help you and your partner cultivate a feeling of bonding and closeness.

With reference to sex, a part of intimacy is also about feeling safe enough with your partner to share your likes and dislikes. Make certain that you are asking for the same piece of information from your partner. In this manner, you can facilitate a safe haven where both of you will feel comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts, needs, and desires.

Emotional

Emotional intimacy can also be one of the most vital aspects of a relationship. One specific journal defined emotional intimacy as involving “a perception of closeness to another that lets sharing of personal feelings, accompanied through expectations of understanding, affirmation, and demonstrations of caring.

To harvest emotional intimacy, take the proper time to listen to and share with your partner every day. Also, make notes of special moments or things that remind you of your special one so that you can let them know you are also thinking about them.

Studies have suggested that self-disclosure helps build feelings of intimacy inside marriages, which will make your bond even stronger. A big part of it is sharing your thoughts and feelings with transparency, honesty, and listening to your loved ones when they do the same.

Experiential

While couples do not have to be joined at the hip, shared experiences are essential in healthy relationships. They are also mostly the way that relationships start, so experiences could even add an aspect of nostalgia for long-term partners.

If you are looking to deepen your experiential intimacy, this is an excellent moment to book a trip or try out a fun new date spot or activity in your city. Try to learn something new with regard to your partner.

Intellectual

See, you do not have to watch a specific TV show together every single night, but it could be fun to have intellectual conversations with your significant other, mainly if you work in different fields. Find new topics to discuss; simple website searches pull up tons of conversation starters.

If you put good effort into having conversations beyond the everyday monotony, it will keep things fresh within your relationship.

Spiritual

While this could be referring to religious ideas and beliefs, it also means something way more profound, such as sharing actual beliefs and values. Your values and beliefs could align with religion or even general health and wellness. Regardless, it is necessary to share these vital aspects of your life with your partner.

This could also be an opportunity for you and your partner to talk about what role you exactly want spirituality to play in your lives if you have a family.

Methods to form intimacy

Not an issue of how long you two have been together, it is always important to develop your intimacy levels. Here are certain simple, practical methods to enhance and expand your levels of intimacy in your relationship:

• If you are not in the mood or are extremely exhausted from having sex or even talking, cuddle on the couch.
• Plan for a trip to a place neither of you has earlier been to. It is fun to experience new things for the first time.
• Keep aside the gadgets even if it is only during a meal or while you and your partner watch a show together. Rather, make certain to do this if your partner is talking to you about their day or a specific experience.
• While listening to your partner, make yourself completely emotionally present to them. If you at all cannot manage to do this when they are talking to you, calmly explain your case why and then set aside a specific time in the future to listen to what they have to say.
• Send each other articles so that both of you can have fun and something new to discuss. This also assists in building intellectual intimacy, and it could provide you a much-required mental break if you have kids, or a caregiver to another loved one in the extended family.

Related Blog Post on Intimacy and Relationship

It is a complete drag to feel like you are taken for granted. Sadly, this happens far too often, particularly in relationships. One of the partners just naturally begins to overlook what the other contributes. It is easy to ignore how someone else impacts your character and overall success. But it’s absolutely a dishonest and foolish thing to do.

Though it’s not exactly rocket science, the expert clues are a perfect set of jumping-off points for some introspection on your partnership. If any or entire strike a familiar chord, it could be time for a serious chat.

In this article, Marriage Counselor, Relationship Expert, and Founder of Saarthi Counselling Services Shivani Misri Sadhoo tell here are the possible signs your partner is taking you for granted.

They Do Not Seek Your Advice

It is natural to seek advice from those who you love and care about. Someone who values your true importance in their life will be certain to seek your input before making any major decisions. Failing to do so is a sign that a person has started ignoring your influence, thereby taking you and your perspective for granted.

They Only Text When They Want Something

If your partner is only texting you sparingly especially when they want something. This is a sign you are being taken for granted. While this might be a good method of communication for casual relationships, it’s completely inappropriate for a committed one. More like a booty call, the messenger is hoping you to respond on their time, not taking into consideration your own.

They Stop Grooming

Certainly, the honeymoon might be over, but this is no excuse to ignore the physical component of your relationship. If your partner gets lazy in the grooming department but still expects sex, it means you are being taken for granted.  Remind them that it’s till death not till you look like death.

They Put Their Work Before You

If your partner is more focussed on their job than to their relationship with you, you are being taken you granted. While a relationship cannot always take a superior position over the demands of the workforce, they should at least be trying to create a balance between the two.

They Cut Conversation Short

If your partner walks away or has to get off the phone immediately when you are talking to them, it shows you are taken for granted. When someone really values the other person’s feelings, they ensure not to continually cut conversations short, leaving the other feeling unloved or unwanted. At the very least, they will call back later to finish up the talk.

They Do Not Listen When You Share

If they stop listening whenever you share your deepest feelings. It is another sign. After all, it is only in a committed relationship where one gets to hear such inner thoughts. There’s simply no excuse being so inattentive.

They Take Advantage Of Your Free Time

If your partner knows your schedule and begins scheduling repairs, deliveries, and appointments. during your free time, chances are sharp that they are taking you for granted. After all, free time is a precious, limited thing, and household errands must be split evenly amongst the 2 of you. If your partner starts piling it all on you, it is an indication they have ceased giving your desires the acceptance they deserve. 

Are you not sure if a person is or is not in love with you? Maybe you are with somebody who you think is in love with you but has not said those big 3 words yet? Some people can find it extremely difficult to say “I Love You”. However, it doesn’t always mean that they don’t. They may just show it in some different ways. It can be quite hard to know for sure if someone loves you, particularly when they don’t make it very obvious.

Sometimes, actions speak louder than words and you may be able, to tell the truth just by observing any nonverbal signs that your partner may be giving you.

There could be several reasons as to why your partner is holding back on saying the actual words, such as past relationships, not being able to open up easily and many more but they could be showing you in various ways.

In this article, Delhi’s eminent Marriage Counsellor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about signs that someone is in love with you.

The Way They Look At You

A major sign that someone is falling in love with you is through their eye contact. This is a nonverbal sign that means a lot, and reveal deeper feelings from your partner. When you catch your partner glancing over at you, or looking at you while you are talking, this may that they love spending time with you and are happy to be with you. Even when you are busy talking with someone else, you may still catch your partner looking at you and this can be a significant sign that they are in love with you and are really happy to be around you.

They Want To Take Care Of You

If your partner rushes to take care of you, whether you are ill or are in any difficult situation, this is a great sign that they love you.

If they ask you questions to check how you feel and if you need anything, this could be a way of saying that they love you, they want you to be fine and will ensure it.

Someone who loves another person will often look to care for them makes sure they are happy and be there when they need to be, so look for this sign in the person, as it is a great indicator that they might be in love with you.

They Respect Your Personal Space

If you feel like having personal space, they will make sure to give you some. Your partner should listen to you and understand that you need some space, which has to be respected. If your partner leaves you while you have some time to yourself, including not bothering you with messages or just showing up uninvited, then this can really show that they love you.

When someone knows that you need sometimes alone, even if it’s for 2 to 3 hours or maybe a few days, they will understand and respect your decision.

They Ask For Your Suggestion

When someone is in love, they will often hold their partner’s opinions and views very highly and always want their advice on important decisions. Your partner will ask for suggestion on certain things and they know that you will most likely give them good advice that will help them, and that represents a great deal of trust.

Whatever the situation; like something to do with their job, or if they need help with a particular problem, they will ask for your advice as they value your opinion.

They Will Make You Feel Good About Who You Are

It is always good to have someone who makes you feel good about yourself, even on your worst days. When your significant other cannot only make you happy normally but also make you feel good about yourself and who you are, it shows they respect your identity.

Your partner may not even know what they are doing, but the way they behave and act with you can have a great impact on your relationship, for all the correct reasons. When someone wants you to be happy with who you are and finds a method to do so, they may be in love with you.

They Will Drop Everything With You

When a person puts his own needs and wants to be with you, this can be a great sign that someone loves you. If you really care about someone, you are most likely be there when your partner needs you, even if this involves dropping and postponing everything you are doing at the time.

If someone does this for you, it shows that they want to support and comfort you when you actually need it, which is a signifies that they really care for you and your needs.

They Ask About Your Day

Generally, in relationships, you ask your partner how their day has been and want to know what they are up to. This proves that you care about your partner and what has either upset them or made them excited during their day. If your partner is showing interest in your day and what is occurring when they are not with you, this is an indicator of a loving relationship. It may be high or low points of your day, but whatever it is, they want to know and are eager to listen.

You may have had serious relationships before meeting someone special. You thought you were an adult. You thought you knew how to be a great partner. Meeting someone you have had a serious connection and thought you that nothing you had experienced before was real. True love feels different as compared to casual relationships even when those relationships lasted for years (often well past their shelf life!).  

When you are in a good and strong relationship, you learn things. You behave differently; you think as part of a team, not as an individual making their way through the world. You are more considerate and accepting of your partner, instead of just getting frustrated with them as you may have been in the past relationships.

In this article, Delhi’s top Marriage Counselor and Relationship Expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo tells about when you are in a good relationship, you will learn these things.

Misunderstandings Are Inevitable

Misunderstandings are bound to happen in your marital life. If you take your partner’s words one way, then learn they meant something else completely, don’t punish them. Let it go. Criticizing all the time is only going to bruise the relationship and cause communication problems later. Sometimes what you say or do can be taken the other way around, and you will get frustrated that your partner does not understand. Take a step back and realize it is not a big deal.

Misunderstandings only become a concern if you let them grow bigger and mean more in the scope of your relationship. Choose your battles wisely. Not every misunderstanding needs your attention.

Learn To Trust Them

You need to trust your partner. Why would you share your life with someone when you think they are doing something improper every time you turn your back? If you cannot trust your partner to be faithful, honest, caring, or anything else, then you are not in a good relationship. The best relationships start with deep trust, and even if problems arise (and they will!), the trust is strong enough to keep you stay together.

Encourage Growth And Change

In a good marital relationship, both partners are strengthened to grow and change. You have one life to live you should explore it completely! If you want to quit your job and want to learn something else, your partner must support you. If you want to try something new or go back to something old, you should get support in your relationship. And you should be supportive in return. Motivate your partner to explore hobbies and interests and meet new people. If you wish your partner to stay the same, you are bound to have a very boring life together.

Admit Your Weaknesses

Your partner never expects you to be a superhero, and hopefully, you do not expect that of them as well. You are all human; you all have flaws. It’s fine to let these shows. In fact, to have a balanced, serious relationship, you need to let your weaknesses be known. Your partner will be more sensitive to things that bother you and can help develop you up in areas where you need some help.

Show Your Feelings

The worst thing you can do in a relationship is to play games. Do not tease your partner; reward good deeds with love and affection. You have to make sure that your partner feels loved. You can be happy with them or be disappointed at them as long as you aren’t disrespectful. They need to know about your feelings at the moment as well.  But make sure you’re showing your feelings in a manner without being mean or nasty.

Nobody likes being rejected. When it comes to love, you put many of your hopes, emptiness, and traumas out into the open. Therefore, getting over romantic rejection is sometimes quite difficult. But it always depends.

The loss of great love can be devastating if you carry inside the unhealthy seed of feeling abandoned. It can also hurt when your age catches up to, or if you are on a time in your lives when you are really vulnerable. If there is cheating that might also make getting over romantic rejection very hard.

In spite of all the happenings, there is always a way out. Getting up and moving ahead is never easy, but it’s not impossible.

In this article, Delhi’s top Relationship Expert and Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo reveals 5 ways to overcome romantic rejection.

Getting Over Romantic Rejection By Checking Your Wounds

The first thing you must do, even when it hurts, is to pull off your improvised bandage and check the magnitude of your wound. What did you actually lose?

It is essential that you answer that question with sheer honesty. Sometimes you aren’t losing the love of your life, as you may believe, just illusions and expectations.

It’s quite possible that the most painful thing is not the loss itself. Sometimes, your ego hurts more. Probably, it brought up your old doubts about yourself because your self-love is already hurt.

The loss only shows you that reality without anesthesia. For getting over romantic rejection, you must look at what you had invested in that relationship.

Express Yourself By Every Possible Way

Feelings that are not expressed mostly turn into pain. Particularly, when it comes to negative feelings. This is why you must use all possible ways to let them out.

There are several kinds of ways to do it, not just talking time and again about what happened. You can write, for instance. As much as needed.

You can even paint your pain or you can dance. Anything that allows you to free those feelings is valid.

Refocus

Because of the psychological impact of the loss, you are might be thinking gloomy thoughts. Without realizing it, you start to focus only on the most negative aspects of everything. You unwittingly select the most painful interpretations of the facts and you focus on all the negative things in the world.

But refrained getting carried away by it. What you must do is refocus your attention in a more constructive way. Never allow the pain to invade your whole being, because it won’t give you anything but bitterness.

Aim to bring positive thoughts into your mind. Engage your will in appreciating all the good that still exists. This will be a huge help for getting over romantic rejection.

Free Yourself From Unrealistic Thoughts

Our society insists that loss or failure is totally unwanted. But it has been completely proven that this is not true. First, because situations like this are inevitable. Every human being goes through failure. And secondly, since there is no bigger opportunity to grow than from difficult experiences.

Romantic rejection is not the end of the world. Despite what soap operas and songs depict. In fact, it’s completely the opposite. Every ending also marks a beginning. What happens should happen. And it is always positive if you want it to be positive.

Take Advantage Of This Chance To Make Changes In Your Life

If you think you cannot continue living like this, good. It is time for you to focus on changing. Do not think about the person you have lost, think about other aspects of your life.

There’s always something to throw away, there’s always something to begin. Focus on that.

Nothing is better for overcoming a romantic rejection than to introduce fresh things to your life. Learning something new is always a great choice.

It keeps your mind occupied and that raises your eyes up to focus on new areas. It’s also great to change up your social circles or work on developing new habits.

You should be aware that nothing you do will automatically take away the pain. Wounds to the heart always take time to heal. Do not hurry.

Tolerate suffering and think about how it helps you to go ahead. Feed hope and do not fall into the trap of isolation. Believe that everything will turn out well. 

Key Marriage & Relationship Tips by Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Ask anyone if love in an arranged marriage is feasible, and the chances are high that you will hear them quip, that ‘love’ and ‘arranged’ are as distant as night and day. The typical wisdom of 21st century leans towards the argument that in order to have love in marriage you need to first fall in love. In spite of the high number of opinions though, it has been observed that arranged marriages have substantial success in India, despite the fact the many live with the perception it as a ‘forced marriage’. In spite of all, Indians still prefer getting hitched the good and old arranged way.

The question arises is if an arranged marriage really works, then how long it takes for the couple to fall in love? To be honest there are no fixed formulas. But there are few conditions and pre conditions that may help you to fall in love with lightning speed.

In this article today Delhi’s top marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about how to fall in love in an arranged marriage.

You Had Arranged Dating

This is an IDEAL way of making sure that you are in love in an arranged marriage, with your to-be life partner, before you actually tie the knot. Arranged dating is normally the dates you go on during the phase that falls between your engagement and wedding or once your wedding is finalized. Because it is an arranged marriage, you have complete consent of your family members and therefore you can feel comfortable yet secure when on such dates. In case you are someone who is planning to tie the knot soon, you can request for an ‘engagement-wedding’ combo so that you get some time in between to know your partner well and maybe discuss post-marriage issues as well.

You Express Your Heart Out To Your Life Partner

You have no reluctance about sharing your shady past because you feel your partner has all the right to know it. At the same time, you are not about your other half for their back story, rather you allow things to go with the flow. This is a hallmark of a successful marriage, which is made of two individuals that trust (more about it later) and love each other. Be transparent, speak your heart out, share your thoughts, and you will realize you have developed enough love to make everyone around to believe you had a mushy love marriage.

You Share the Same Passion

This must be the ticket to love in an arranged marriage, and followed up matrimonial bliss since both of you are on the same page. If she is into bird watching and you remotely endorse it, then this is the time you cultivate that hobby as well so that you can hit a common note with her. Sharing and having the same passion is certainly going to bring you closer, eventually making you fall for each other? But it is not necessary always that you need to be compatible in terms of likes and dislikes.

Dedicate Time for Each Other’s Hobbies

Instead of putting up an act of how much you loathe some of your partner’s hobbies, take out time and effort in adopting them yourself. If he enjoys playing games on PlayStation, sit with him and ask him to tell you about the game controllers and teach you. You will just establish your place in his heart forever, girl! Even a slight display of approval to your partner’s hobbies is the best way to fall in love in an arranged marriage, while you are still figuring out each other.

You Give Each Other Independence

Definitely, it is great to do bird watching and gaming together, but no one requires a clingy life partner. In fact, the most loving relationships are those where the partners who give some ‘separate and away’ time to each other with respect and honour. Always bear in mind, that you are two individuals who have your very own social circles and obligations. Letting your partner have their ME time is the best way to make your love stronger. Your relationship will then be like the two ends of a rubber band, the farther they are stretched, the stronger they come back towards each other.

Trust and Mutual Respect Is At The Core Of Your Relationship

When you see each other from the corner of the eye just to keep a watch on each other? Now, this is a lack of trust and respect. Trust should be an element constituting the bond between both of you and trust itself must be backed by mutual respect if you want love in an arranged marriage. Arranged marriages are infamous for situations where the husband forcibly avails his ‘husband rights’, while the wife always has ‘who was she?’ question on the tip of her tongue. Make it a habit to never discount or downgrade your respect and trust for each other, which will eventually form the base of your mutual love.

Learn Things and Help Each Other

You provide a helping hand to your partner with zeal and promptness, and you will have your partner more than impressed; absolutely flattered maybe. It will also make your tag of being a truly loving life partner and not just someone is thrown into a sphere of matrimony because it was all arranged. Bring some love to your partner, and you will realize that you just brought a perception shift in the drab image of arranged marriage.

You Invest Good Time to Understand Each Other

In a properly functioning body, sleep helps the brain to process your emotions and memories at the optimum level. When you wake up well-rested your brain maintains a healthy mental and physical energy all throughout your day.

On the other hand, sleep deprivation restricts the brain’s ability to do just superficial activities like sticking to daily routine work. All throughout the day, the person may find challenges to gather enough mental energy to think and innovate and at night the brain would get so exhausted that simple relationship activities like conversations with a partner, romantic feelings and sexual drive may turn Zero.

Across the world, scientific research is gradually suggesting that sleep may be the biggest factor in maintaining a good relationship. The quality of sleep of either one or both partners may affect everything from attraction to break-ups. Today India’s leading relationship and marriage counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares how poor sleep can affect your relationship.

1.       Poor sleep habits generally turn a person unattractive 

After all nobody like the company of a mentally exhausted person, even the emotionally tired person himself/herself looks for solace. In a relationship too, mental exhaustion that is generally triggered by poor sleeping habits, reduces attraction between partners.

2.       Poor sleep can fuel conflicts. 

Research suggests that sleep deprivation is one of the primary causes of couple conflicts. Poor sleep leads to poor or irritated mood that causes frequent couple conflict, less understanding of partners’ emotions, and poorer conflict resolution.

3.    Sleep issues may increase marital aggression.

People with poor sleep habits often find it hard to control their impulses. This is one of the most discreet triggers for the degradation of relationship quality. Scientific studies have confirmed the links between sleep trouble, self-control, and aggressive behaviours. Hence problematic sleep translates to lower self-control, and couples suffer from more aggression in their marriages.

4.       Healthy sleep encourages a healthy sex life. 

Behavioural studies have identified that men and women are less likely to be in the mood for sex if they’re sleep-deprived. Good and adequate sleep translated to more sexual desire and more likelihood of engaging in sex with a partner. 

We are living in a modern-day world which is fast-paced and there is no getting around it. Everywhere people around us, are working and trying to be as productive as they can. A majority of the individuals these days want to create their marks on the world and sometimes that comes at the expense of their relationships. Particularly, in India, where most people have to work for 6 days a week and have to spend 12-15 hours a day away from home and family.  Not only this, to overcome the challenges of daily needs of this hectic pace world there is a trend where both the married partners are busy professionally too. This kind of scenario left very little time for couples to spend quality time with each other on a consistent note.

Of course, there is no denying that to a lot of people, relationships always take backseats as compared to their careers and their personal ambitions. However, it is still not fair to say that people completely disregard relationships these days. It is just that they are getting a little tougher to manage because so many people are looking to achieve more in various aspects of their life. Still, it is a tricky thing for couples to manage both relationship and job.

So, ideally what should be done. Should one opt for a career or a relationship? Is it possible for two busy professionals who are husband and wife to possibly maintain a romantic life with each other? Or how two individuals who are really busy can sustain their relationship without compromising on the other dimensions of their lives?

Eminent marriage counselor, psychologist and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo provides some solutions to all the above-mentioned questions. Here they are.

Make It A Point To Arrange Your Dates And Do Not Miss On Them.

Dates are essential. It is called dating for a purpose. You cannot be dating if you do not go out on dates with each other. When you are in a relationship, no matter how hectic and how tight things might get, you got to be able to manage your schedules in a way that provides substantial time for dates. And more important than that, you have to ensure that you do not miss out or cancel dates. When you mark your dates into your schedules, you have to make sure that you always present up (until and unless there is an extreme situation wherein you really have no other option than cancelling it). If it is not a matter of life or death, then everything else in life will have to take a backseat for your date once you agree on a viable schedule for the both of you to meet. Plant a schedule and remain stick to it.

Devote Time For Each Other And The Relationship In Your Regular Routine

Nowadays time is always going to be the most precious thing that we could ever get or give in our lives. Time is not something that we can purchase nor is it something that we can expand or shorten. Whatever time you have you need to properly utilize it. This is why it is important that we only really devote our time for the things that matter most to us. So, if your relationship is really vital to you, then you have to be willing and dedicated to devoting a substantial amount of time to your partner in your regular routine. You got to be able to make time out of your schedule for your relationship if you really want things to work in a nice manner.

Answer The Phone Or Text Whenever It Comes

Very often, a lot of individuals will fall into the trap of responding late or waiting too long to return missed calls. Never let that be the scenario for your relationship. Given your frantic schedules, you have to grab whatever opportunity that you can avail to communicate with one another irrespective of the platform.

Make It A Point To Never Overlook The Minor Things

If you have a habit of relying solely on the grand and bigger moments of the relationship to give you joy and fulfilment, then you are never going to feel happy or content. As someone who is repeatedly busy and is always looking to achieve great things, you always want instant gratification. It is important for you to have results that are on the spot. You cannot afford to carry that kind of mannerisms into your relationships. In a relationship, you got to have the ability to embrace the grind of it all. You need to place emphasis on even the simplest things in the relationship. You ought to give them value. Does not matter how simple the moments that you share with your partner are, you have to treat them like a valued treasure. You cannot take the minor things for granted because you are never going to find pleasure in your relationship that way.

Be Willing To Make A Little Compromises And Sacrifices For Your Partner

Compromises are a part of the relationship. While you must not be willing to sacrifice all of your greatest goals and aspirations for your relationship. At the same time, you cannot act to be rigid and inflexible either. You need to be able to adjust your goals in ways where everybody wins. It cannot always just be about you only. You have to think and take care of the needs of your partner as well. You cannot behave in a selfish manner. You are not supposed to be a person who is not willing to adapt. You have to accept and acknowledge that there are some dimensions of your life that you need to adjust to accommodate another person who is special and you have to be ready to make those adjustments without any ego, bitterness or complaint. You have to do so wholeheartedly.

Trust usually is the act of establishing confidence and being able to depend on someone or something. Trust is essential for relationships, to function and for any person to be relatively happy. Without trust, insecurity sets in.

Trust is a matter of degree, and certain life experiences can affect an individual’s ability to trust others. The matter of trust and relationships focuses on the question of whether the partners are honest and faithful enough to each other.

Being able to trust your partner is the most essential part of a being in a relationship. Trust is said to be the core foundation of every relationship from which a strong connection can be created. Without trust in a relationship, relationships will not grow and prosper to a deeper level.

Delhi’s Top Marriage Counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares tips to create trust in a relationship. Here they are.

Communicate Effectively

Communication is an essential factor in creating trust between partners in a relationship. Partners must communicate about their problems instead of sitting on them and brooding. When the time comes for communication, do it face to face. Personal verbal communication bolsters the bond between partners in a relationship.

Try to avoid communicate over emails, phone calls or texts. Instead, make it more personal and direct. When communicating, ensure that you keep eye contact with your partner as frequent eye contact during a discussion increases the bond of partners.

Do Not Hide Secrets from Each Other

Trust needs honesty and openness. If you are looking to build trust in a relationship, you must avoid to keep secrets and be open with your partner. To become a trustworthy partner, you must be honest in all your conversations and dealings with your partner.

Secrets ruin up relationships quite rapidly, so it is important, to be honest, and sincere about issues that arise together or individually. Having an open mind towards your partner assists him or her to share their deep dark secrets which are a sign that they trust you.

Set Boundaries

Defining clear boundaries set together is important to develop trust amongst partners. Setting boundaries help in explaining how much space you are comfortable with, in a relationship, physically and emotionally.

Boundaries can be about any kind of things, how much time you need to be alone, how convenient you feel about your relationship to tell other people and so on. Accepting one another’s boundaries is helpful when it comes to creating trust in the relationship.

Learn To Say No

You need to understand one thing, everything that your partner wants is what you are willing or capable to provide. You do not have to say YES every time to everything your partner wants or asks to do. If you do not like the certain thing he or she proposes to do, simply say no. You should not be enslaved to a relationship. You should not be forced to sustain what you don’t like. When a relationship is based on equality, it will be easier for both of you to march forward.

Do not cater to the vagaries of your partner just to make him or her happy, as this will ruin the relationship.

Never Make Promises You Cannot Keep

Never break your promises. Keep your words and your promises. If you have promised your partner that you are going to do something, ensure that you do it.

It makes a lot of sense that you want to keep promises you have made to your partner, but often the little things you promised get forgotten. Keeping your promises about small things is as important as keeping your promises about the big ones

When you are late, call your partner and tell what is holding you down, remember to pick up those items from the local store and remember to pay the bills on time. Yes these things appear small and it might be overlooked, but they go a very long way towards developing trust in a relationship.

Do Not Cheat On Your Partner

It is in the natural configuration of humans to get attracted to more than one person. But this does not permit you to cheat on your partner. Even if you are bored in the relationship, resolve it up or else walk out of it. But you should not cheat on your partner simply because she/ he is not fun to be with or you do not enjoy his or her company any longer. To develop trust in a relationship, make sure you tell your partner plainly that you are not happy with the way things are amongst the two of you, and need to sort it out, or else, walk out of the relationship.

Take Accountability of Your Actions

Take ownership of your behaviour, action, and inaction. Never try to pass the blame to a situation or someone else. Be true with yourself and to your partner as to why you made your decisions.

Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is an experienced and certified Couples Therapist with specialization in the area of Personal Crisis interventions like coping-up with Relationship Issues, Marriage Counselling, Separation and divorce, Child and Adolescent issues, Depression, Stress, Domestic, Loss & Grief. Counsellor Shivani is currently working with India’s top hospital groups like Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics.