How to Fall in Love in an Arranged Marriage?

Key Marriage & Relationship Tips by Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

Ask anyone if love in an arranged marriage is feasible, and the chances are high that you will hear them quip, that ‘love’ and ‘arranged’ are as distant as night and day. The typical wisdom of 21st century leans towards the argument that in order to have love in marriage you need to first fall in love. In spite of the high number of opinions though, it has been observed that arranged marriages have substantial success in India, despite the fact the many live with the perception it as a ‘forced marriage’. In spite of all, Indians still prefer getting hitched the good and old arranged way.

The question arises is if an arranged marriage really works, then how long it takes for the couple to fall in love? To be honest there are no fixed formulas. But there are few conditions and pre conditions that may help you to fall in love with lightning speed.

In this article today Delhi’s top marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo talks about how to fall in love in an arranged marriage.

You Had Arranged Dating

This is an IDEAL way of making sure that you are in love in an arranged marriage, with your to-be life partner, before you actually tie the knot. Arranged dating is normally the dates you go on during the phase that falls between your engagement and wedding or once your wedding is finalized. Because it is an arranged marriage, you have complete consent of your family members and therefore you can feel comfortable yet secure when on such dates. In case you are someone who is planning to tie the knot soon, you can request for an ‘engagement-wedding’ combo so that you get some time in between to know your partner well and maybe discuss post-marriage issues as well.

You Express Your Heart Out To Your Life Partner

You have no reluctance about sharing your shady past because you feel your partner has all the right to know it. At the same time, you are not about your other half for their back story, rather you allow things to go with the flow. This is a hallmark of a successful marriage, which is made of two individuals that trust (more about it later) and love each other. Be transparent, speak your heart out, share your thoughts, and you will realize you have developed enough love to make everyone around to believe you had a mushy love marriage.

You Share the Same Passion

This must be the ticket to love in an arranged marriage, and followed up matrimonial bliss since both of you are on the same page. If she is into bird watching and you remotely endorse it, then this is the time you cultivate that hobby as well so that you can hit a common note with her. Sharing and having the same passion is certainly going to bring you closer, eventually making you fall for each other? But it is not necessary always that you need to be compatible in terms of likes and dislikes.

Dedicate Time for Each Other’s Hobbies

Instead of putting up an act of how much you loathe some of your partner’s hobbies, take out time and effort in adopting them yourself. If he enjoys playing games on PlayStation, sit with him and ask him to tell you about the game controllers and teach you. You will just establish your place in his heart forever, girl! Even a slight display of approval to your partner’s hobbies is the best way to fall in love in an arranged marriage, while you are still figuring out each other.

You Give Each Other Independence

Definitely, it is great to do bird watching and gaming together, but no one requires a clingy life partner. In fact, the most loving relationships are those where the partners who give some ‘separate and away’ time to each other with respect and honour. Always bear in mind, that you are two individuals who have your very own social circles and obligations. Letting your partner have their ME time is the best way to make your love stronger. Your relationship will then be like the two ends of a rubber band, the farther they are stretched, the stronger they come back towards each other.

Trust and Mutual Respect Is At The Core Of Your Relationship

When you see each other from the corner of the eye just to keep a watch on each other? Now, this is a lack of trust and respect. Trust should be an element constituting the bond between both of you and trust itself must be backed by mutual respect if you want love in an arranged marriage. Arranged marriages are infamous for situations where the husband forcibly avails his ‘husband rights’, while the wife always has ‘who was she?’ question on the tip of her tongue. Make it a habit to never discount or downgrade your respect and trust for each other, which will eventually form the base of your mutual love.

Learn Things and Help Each Other

You provide a helping hand to your partner with zeal and promptness, and you will have your partner more than impressed; absolutely flattered maybe. It will also make your tag of being a truly loving life partner and not just someone is thrown into a sphere of matrimony because it was all arranged. Bring some love to your partner, and you will realize that you just brought a perception shift in the drab image of arranged marriage.

You Invest Good Time to Understand Each Other

Habits That Can Destroy Your Relationship if You Allow Them

– Important Relationship Advise Shared by Marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo

The love between you and your special one may be flowing smoothly at the moment, but if you want it to continue the same way, it will help to take stock of possible bad habits that could destroy your relationship if you allow them. Even the best of romantic bonds has scope for improvement, so why not analyze your situation for signs of habits that can have tendencies to sabotage your relationship and kick them out before they even get the chance to destroy a good thing?

If you spot them early, you can nullify these bad habits and avoid unintentionally screwing up your relationship. Honestly, there is no better incentive than to do a check-in with your partner to ensure your romance is as healthy as possible.

Delhi’s top marriage counselor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo talk about habits that can destroy your relationship if you allow them.

Assuming You Know How Your Partner Feels

You notice that suddenly your partner walked in the room looking gloomy, so naturally, that meant they were unreasonably miffed at you for something you probably did not do. Before you know it, you have launched into defensive mode, and instead of helping to remove the bad vibes, you have managed to spread them, making both you and your partner feel bad.

You should be aware that making assumptions can be damaging to our relationships because they never allow partners to share their situation, which makes them feel unheard.

Refusing To Accept Criticism

It can be really hard to take criticism from the one you love the most, particularly when you see all the shortcomings they have yet to work on. And absolutely no one wants to hear about all the those they mess up constantly. But if your partner is trying to give you some constructive feedback about where they see an area for improvement in the relationship, ignoring their suggestion could possibly lead them to have disrespect for you, which can ultimately break down the bond you share.

Not Communicating Openly About Sex

You need to understand that supposedly the amazing thing you do in bed is actually a major turn-off to your partner, but you or your partner is too uncomfortable to address it. Whatever it requires, talking to your partner openly about your sex life is the only option to improve it. Otherwise, you will continue to suffer in silence and the unaddressed matter could strongly destroy what was once a good thing.

Suppressing Your Anger

As a couple, you often think that things are going great between you and your beloved, and you simply do not want to ruin them by bringing up some unpleasant stuff that could lead to a tense argument. You need to know that being angry is not always a bad thing to do. At times if you are angry can help you share your concerns. It can disallow others from walking all over you. It can motivate you to do something positive. The key is managing your anger in the correct way.

Keeping Score

Not only is this tiresome and nit-picky, but it shows that you do not trust your partner to carry their weight in the relationship. If you feel it necessary to monitor everything your partner does (or do not do) in order to make sure you are being treated fairly, you could be the obstacle in your relationship.

Not Fighting Fair

Silent treatments, gaslighting, stonewalling or yelling during an argument will certainly wear down even the best of partners. If you say you love a person, then those feelings should still be evident even when you are not getting along. Using manipulation tactics will only alienate you and guarantee that whatever rift you are experiencing will only grow further.

Frequently Raking Up The Past

If you cannot let go of what occurred in the past, your relationship could be history sooner or later. Being obsessed with prior arguments or lapse your partner made makes it very difficult to move forward. Consider consulting a couple’s therapist to work through your problems in a healthy manner so you can both approach the future with a clear mind.

Not Allowing Your Partner Personal Space

Quelling your partner because you are worried, they will leave you is one simple way to take your relationship from good to bad and then to non-existent. In fact, giving your partner space is more important for a couple’s happiness and contentment than enjoying great sex life.

P.S. If you are in a relationship with someone you truly love and respect, the last thing you want on your conscience is realizing that you allowed a fixable bad habit to destroy your relationship.

7 WAYS TO NURTURE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

A relationship is an important aspect of human life. The way flower needs rain and sun, similarly, the relationship needs to be nurtured with love and care. A relationship would not survive on its own. It needs nurturing and care of two adults, giving to each other in a manner that creates a mutually beneficial bond.

Renowned relationship expert and marriage Counselor Shivani Misri Sadhoo says to foster a deep and loving bond you need these 7 ways to nurture your relationship.

1. Constant and Honest Communication:

If you do not talk to your partner the relationship will not survive. The more you communicate, the closer you will become. The communication needs to be constant as this is, the key for a healthy relationship.

2. The Eagerness to work through difficulties and disagreements

Throwing in the towel, even if you do not cross the door, is not the way to happiness. You must face the uncomfortable situation that comes with a difference in opinions and ideas. You need to show the willingness to work out all the questions that pose an unpleasant situation.

3. Sharing Life Lessons with the One You Love

When you discover or experience something about life, or you take a self-correcting step that is good for your relationship, let your partner know the same. You will be amazed by the positive response.

4. A Bit of Humour, Some Fun and Little Distraction from the Rigours Of Daily Life

You should not spend all your free time working on your relationship. Do not make it a hobby. Discuss what you like to do, where you would like to go, and look for how to have fun together. Then get up and do it. A bit of humour and fun will let both of you break the shackles from the daily life hassles.

5. Emotional Support, Acceptance, and Compliments

If you do not feel that your partner likes and respects you, there will not be a strong bond. You have to lift each other up and let each other know the depth of your love and caring. It is important to accept your partner as they are and also, provide them compliments whenever you can.

6. Being Able To Admit Mistake and Discuss Them

We all make mistakes. Isn’t it? By learning to understand it and let go of the mistakes that your partner makes will change your life around and provide you more time to enjoy.

7. Sharing Dreams and Goals That Resonate With Both Of You

You will be happier when you are working toward a goal and achieve that. Always ensure you always have something to look forward to and that you are doing it as a couple.

Tips To Make Yourself Emotionally Stronger

Whether it relates to your relationships, career, or your own self well-being, knowing how to tough through disturbing situations by finding ways to be emotionally strong can positively impact your life. When it comes to stress, it can affect many people in various ways, some might cry every time they are frustrated or guilty. While others choose to be quiet and hide until they feel good. Though, there is nothing wrong with either of those situations. Being aware of how to manage your emotions and dictate why you are feeling them can help you understand yourself in a better way so that you can stop considering yourself weak.

Emotional strength comes from when you allow yourself to be both independent and dependent. This means developing up your internal resources and becoming comfortable seeking and accepting help,

Learning how to handle life’s misfortunes is a great method to build your emotional strength.

Delhi’s top marriage counsellor and relationship expert Shivani Misri Sadhoo share tips to make yourself emotionally stronger.

Respect the Strength Of Your Past

It becomes difficult to be emotionally strong if you keep living in the past. You need to throw away those thoughts and accept the reality that those struggles made you who you are today, which is a strong, better person. Many a time we have bitterness from the devastation, slavery or even family history of abuse. You can instead, respect the struggles and our cultures in a way which are positive. Do not discount the struggle, instead see how it can be a way to respect the strength in your past. If you can honor the strength of the past, you are a result of that past, so you honor yourself and become stronger.

Make Healthy Choices

A lot of your emotional strength generally comes from within. This means you will most likely feel your best if you eat healthily and treat your body with utmost care. Remember that every time you make healthy choices, you actually strengthen yourself. For example, have you selected an apple over a sweet candy, one point scored for becoming stronger? Have you taken a stroll and enjoy the view? Another point scored for resiliency. Honor every time you create a healthy decision.

Help Others in Need

It may sound weird to help other people especially when you are trying to figure out things for yourself. But when you are unselfish you can become strong because the care you show towards others can reverberate and look into caring for your own life, too. Helping others creates empathy and it makes us a better person, over a period of time. This way you become stronger emotionally.

Embrace Your Adversities

Never beat yourself up when things are not going your way. Failing is a part of life and how you look to challenge and accept it can really alter your perspective in a positive manner. Try to practice some positive psychology and start to embrace all your challenges and adversities as your greatest teachers and power for changes.

Identify Your Emotions

Do not look to criticize or punish yourself for having certain feelings. It is natural to feel low, angry or jealous. When you experience any negative emotions, carefully analyze them and figure out what you want your next step to be. Allow yourself to identify and accept every emotion you have and then decide if you want to follow this emotion or let it go.

How to Bring Work Life Balance in Today’s Corporate Life?

Developing and maintaining work-life balance can seem impossible in today’s competitive workplace and fast lifestyle. Technology has made employees accessible around the clock. Fears of job loss increase longer working hours. Physicians and mental help experts agree that the compounding stress from the never-ending workday is damaging. It can hurt relationships, health and overall happiness.

According to Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo, despite these realities, there are people who are managing to carve out satisfying and meaningful lives outside of their work and maintaining good work-life balance. She suggests for bringing work-life balance, people must understand and try to bring certain habits in their life. These habits are:

Make Deliberate Choices

Instead of just letting life happen, people who achieve work-life balance make deliberate choices about what they want from life and how they want to spend their time. They talk to their partners, spouses, and others who are important in their lives and come up with a road map of what is important to them, how they want to spend their time and commit to following their path.

Time for family, Friends and Important Interests

People who have managed to bring work-life balance in their life, commonly don’t just wait to see what time is left over after work. They make a point of planning and booking time off to spend outside of work and powerfully guard this time. Hence when they are home, they don’t think or get bother about office worries, when they are at the office they guard themselves against having any home worries.

Strong sense of what they expect from their life

People who manage work-life balance have developed a strong sense of who they are, their values, and what is important to them. Using this as a guideline for everything helps them determine what success means to them. They know what makes them happy and strive to get more of that in their lives. In short, they don’t run a blind race that causes professional, mental and emotional complexities.

They stay away from mobile addictions

People who maintain balance commonly control their mobile habits. When they spend time with family they silent their electronic devices to enjoy the quality uninterrupted time. Having developed the ability to compartmentalise their time, they seek out moments to simply enjoy the experience and savor life.

They devote time for healthy habits

People who manage work-life balance often develop an interest in healthy activities and perform them daily. Activities like yoga, aerobic, meditation, music, sports, or some other interests allow them to get away from the pressures of everyday life to relax, rejuvenate, and regenerate themselves.

How To Keep Your Emotions Positive and Maintain a Healthy & Happy Life?

Many amongst us often miss to realise that negative emotions are not always ‘linked to’ or ‘outcome of’ our external circumstances rather certain approach/behaviours when we practice in our lives, results in repeated unpleasant outcomes/results that create sad feelings/disappointments and those feelings again create unpleasant outcomes – producing a vicious circle that destroy happiness in life.

The misery one suffers due to negative emotions does not end at the vicious circle of unpleasant outcomes and feelings. These bad feeling also result in an occurrence of psychological complexities, heart diseases, hypertension and weakening of immune system.

Today Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares 4 crucial tips that can help people to bring and maintain positive emotions.

1.  Live within the territory of ‘NOW’

A lot of people never understand the power and capacity of living and working in “NOW”, but when they do, their life changes dramatically. This happens because our pain and anxiety can only work when they get access to our memories.

For example, a man who is searching for a life partner repeatedly gets rejected by the opposite gender. Finally, when he starts to introspect why girls repeatedly reject him and he realises that his rejection in life has put a deep impression on his mind. Hence every time he starts a conversation with a girl, his mind first develops a strong expectation (future) for a success and then at the same mind reminds him of the experiences of humiliation and how sad the earlier dismissals made him. This caused him to talk in a peculiar manner that has a mixed element of anxiety, shyness and/or under confidence.

Finally the person, after his realisation, meets a girl by freeing himself from the clutches of future expectations and past memories – by living in now. While meeting the girl this time, his mind was not remembering past experiences, he was able to observe and listen actively what the girl is sharing and what she is expecting to hear from him and that further cemented their friendship.

It’s true that living in present frees the mind from the dominance of past memories and future expectations but that’s not easy to achieve. Persistent and conscious attempts have to be made by the person, initially telling and reminding himself/herself not to think about the past and not to expect and gradually this will turn into a habit.

2. Acceptance

This is another part of being in the now. Most people try to run away from their negative emotions. They eat, watch TV, play mobile games, and chat, check Facebook or Youtube etc. It’s only when the person gets curious and tries to find why he/she is experiencing bad emotion and put an attempt to accept it as a part of you, it tends to disappear.

But how do you accept it when it feels so painful?

That’s the first hurdle you have to overcome because when you do, you will realise that the pain was only half an inch thick. You can either learn to let go of your negative emotions, or you can keep doing what you’ve been doing up until this point.

3. Ask yourself the four Magic questions

The third important technique to get free from negative emotional is to ask self the four magical questions.

  • Is the fear, anxiety or pain true?
  • Are you absolutely sure that it’s true?
  • How do you react when you believe this thought?
  • What would be the payoffs of being angry or depressed?

4. Take expert’s help

If you have tried the above suggestions and still find it difficult to get rid of your negative emotions, then you should immediately consult a mental help expert like a psychologist or counsellor who would help you deal with the situation in a better way.