In the current COVID-19 situation, Saarthi Counselling Services prioritise your and your loved one’s safety first, hence counselling session mode with Counselor Shivani has been digitalized. So, you and your partner can have your dedication sessions directly with counsellor Shivani, within the safety and comfort of your home. The advantage of online counselling directly with Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo are :-
Advantages of Online Counselling vs
The Face to
Face online therapy with Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo works exactly
like face-to-face therapy. In parallel with the massive use of technology in
our daily lives, mental health support has been recently delivered in non-traditional
ways, other than the classic face-to-face offline approach. The Face to face video
calls with you and your partner are being used as the means to deliver therapy.
work exactly like face-to-face therapy in terms of duration, frequency,
confidentiality and how therapy is held.
for Attaining Session
Online therapy is convenient since you will be attending therapy sessions online in the comfort of your own home, you can often schedule your therapy sessions for times that are the most convenient for you.
Online counselling may also be effective in eliminating the social stigma associated with receiving therapy. For those who are uncomfortable with receiving therapy, online counselling allows access to such services in private without having to visit the counselling centre.
Counselling can take on a whole different image when executed by the
client in their own home through the computer. It may also allow the client to
feel less stigmatised without having to be seen by others in the waiting room,
the administrative staff or any other person who just happens to be walking
past at the time the client walks through the door.
A large number of marriages are ending in divorces and that too in a society where marriage is considered a sacred thing. It would not take much to know that marriage is not a cakewalk any more at least in today’s fast life. Marriage needs some serious hard-work, and it is something that most of us fail to focus on.
Though it starts with all the promises of a happily-ever-afters and story like romances, it actually is far away from this. Marriage involves understanding each other on levels beyond sexual compatibility, involving the minors and majors of daily lives. Have you and your partner been sharing a house but not a relationship? Have you been pondering where the spark went off and why you the two of you cannot even have a decent discussion? Well, as a matter of fact, it happens to several couples, some are quick to rebound while some need external help. This is when marriage counseling comes into play. If your marriage is kind of hanging on the rocks, then you can do with some good advice and look for marriage counseling.
Effective communication is the secret to solving most problems in life. But if you and your spouse seem to be drifting away from talking to each other, there is something that is definitely not quite right. A marriage counselor can help you communicate effectively with each other, in some innovative ways. Crumble in communication levels between a couple is the first sign of trouble.
When You Talk, It Always Ends Up In Fight
There is always a negative communication. Whenever you two talk, it ends up in a bitter argument or a fight and you end up belittling each other. You ridicule each other or use harsh words and tones to prove your point. While some individuals withdraw from these conversations, some continue to harp on it for hours together. This can even translate into emotional abuse in your marriage.
You Fight For Money And Are Financially Incompatible
Some couples have dissatisfaction with money and finances. Sometimes it is about one partner making more money than the other or the other spending far too much on unnecessary things. Sometimes, one partner feels they do not have sufficient money and gets anxious. Sometimes, the fight is about sharing the expenses. In all these cases, a marriage counselor can help you resolve your concerns about finances and help you get ways to compromise your financial situations.
You Withdraw Love And Care As A Way To Punish
Well, this is actually the most used weapon. Some spouses opt to withdraw all love and care for their partner in an attempt to punish the other after an argument or a fight. They often resort to silent treatment and if you receive this, then it is time to look for help.
When Big Life Changes Happens
Whether it is parenthood, a change in job, moving to a new city, loss of a close family member or something else some disruption in your marriage and life is inevitable. You could be prudent to seek therapy while you go through these changes to cope effectively.
You Are Not On The Same Page On Intimacy And Sex
Sex creates the backbone of marriage. Having too little or excessive sex indicates there is a problem. Some women tend to avoid sex after an unpleasant argument, while some men indulge in too much of it after feeling guilty of some issue. Balanced sex life is a must for a happy marriage, and if that is not happening, you may seek marriage counseling.
You Keep Secrets
Couples who are transparent with each other have relatively better and happy marriages. Partners feel more secure in a relationship when they have the confidence that they know everything about their partner. The moment secrets start creeping in, insecurities start to brew. These minor insecurities sometimes add to big issues and destroy a marriage. A marriage counselor can help you seek changes, and prepare you better for the challenges ahead.
We all love our parents. It is very good quality. In fact, if we are incapable of loving our parents then we are not supposed to be called human.
Loving one’s mother is a divine characteristic. But treating others in a bad manner is an inhuman quality. If your husband loves his mother, then you do not need to find any fault with it. But during this process, if he insults you or makes things uncomfortable for you to live with him, then it is up to you about how you resolve it.
If you remain silent, a lifetime of suffering could afflict. If you deal with it hurriedly, chances are you could be misunderstood by your husband. So find a better way of resolving the issue.
As an independent woman, you have a mind and thinking of your own. So, you have decision-making abilities but you are surprised to see your husband consulting his mom for every minor or major decision. That bothers you a bit. This is one of the initials signs that your husband is a mama’s boy.
He Never Supports You When His Mother Shouts At You
He thinks his mother is always correct. So, when his mom shouts at you for any reason, he prefers to remain a silent spectator.
He Asks You To Be Like His Mother
This appears funny to you. But he asks you to dress up, cook and behave like his mom, and worship his mom. His mom is a role model to him and he expects an ideal woman has to be like her.
Your Husband Spends More Time Talking To His Mom
When your husband’s mom is out of town for a few days, he spends most of his time talking to her over the phone. And also, sometimes complains to her over the phone that you do not cook like her.
He Seeks Her Permission Even To plan A Family
That looks absurd but it is true that he seeks his mom’s approval before planning to expand his family.
He Shares All Your Secrets To His Mom
You trust your husband completely and tell him everything about your life and past. And, he discloses them to his mom. She begins to suspect you and starts ill-treating you.
When You Are On A Holiday
When you are on a holiday, you tend to spend some time with your husband in a lonely spot and slowly try to kindle his passion. He suddenly takes out his phone, calls his mom and says “Mama, I miss you! You could have come with us” and weeps for a moment.
P.S. Well, there is nothing wrong if your husband loves his mom. Let him love his mom. But if his love bothers you, then you can voice out your opinion and try to get a solution.
First comes love, then marriage, and comes happily ever after. This is how the story ends right? It happens in every romantic movie or a bestseller, but not in real life. Though it is true that couples might relax for a while after they have tied the knot. In reality, they may feel to start confused or worried if or when their fairy tale starts to go wrong.
Lots of people think that marriage is about marrying the right person, so when things go wrong, they automatically go downhill. Suddenly, you will start thinking that you have accidentally married the wrong person. And the syndrome of HAPPILY EVER AFTER gets shattered.
Although you always want to marry someone you are fundamentally compatible with. The truth is marriage has a lot less to do with marrying the right individual than it has to do with doing the right things with the person you have married. In simpler words, relationships are a constant work in progress.
In this article renowned marriage counselor and relationship expert, Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares few tips to rekindle your marriage.
1.Avoid Entering Into a Critical Mindset
There could be a time when your partner may do something that hurt you, and never feel sorry for it. Maybe they even continue to do so, despite you letting them know that it annoys you. This can cause you to generate bitterness towards them. At a certain point, any person in a marriage may find themselves observing their partner through a critical lens. Spouses also start magnifying or zooming in on their partner’s mistakes, recording their flaws, and making a case to use at a later stage. It is far too simple when you live in close quarters with someone to choose them apart and get annoyed at some of their habits, wherein the truth is, your partner probably always had those qualities, even when you first fell in love.
2. Treat Your Spouse with Kindness
Rather of being critical, try treating your partner with kindness. As this is the ultimate key to keeping your love alive. It has been observed that taking more loving actions indeed makes you feel more in love. In any conversation with your partner, whether it is personal or practical, always try to be kind in how you convey yourself. This way it softens your partner, even in heated moments. Continuing to be loving and generous has an enormous payoff as it not only keeps love alive, it nourishes a deeper level of intimacy.
3. Stay Clear Of Projection
Projection is a psychological defense system in which people accuse others of behaving or feeling a particular way because, in reality, they themselves feel that way. Projection can stem from difficult childhood experiences that get carried into adulthood. One of the common reason couples become so critical towards their spouse is that they tend to project the negative attribute of their parents or caretakers onto their partners. They also try to assume their spouse will act in the same manner that has hurt them in the past and often misread their partner’s words and actions.
4. Reflect On What You Love and Admire In Your Partner
Think of qualities about your partner you admire or feel amused by. If you like that he/she is adventurous, keep sharing new activities. If you enjoy your partner’s playfulness in your communication, encourage bantering and the exchanging new ideas. If you value that your spouse is warm and affectionate, ensure to connect with them every day, rather than getting caught up in other daily things. Your wife or husband will appreciate your interest in doing things with them that you know they love, and it is possible they will do the same for you.
5. Define Your Problems
Spend a few moments looking at your relationship and figure out which areas work and which don’t. Just imagine of perfect day in your perfect relationship. What would this look like? How would you and your spouse interact? Then develop a plan of how you might get from point X (your current situation) to point Y (the perfect day). Jot it down if you require so, then start breaking the issues into small-size pieces and resolving them one at a time.
Trust usually is the act of establishing confidence and being able to depend on someone or something. Trust is essential for relationships, to function and for any person to be relatively happy. Without trust, insecurity sets in.
Trust is a matter of degree, and certain life experiences can affect an individual’s ability to trust others. The matter of trust and relationships focuses on the question of whether the partners are honest and faithful enough to each other.
Being able to trust your partner is the most essential part of a being in a relationship. Trust is said to be the core foundation of every relationship from which a strong connection can be created. Without trust in a relationship, relationships will not grow and prosper to a deeper level.
Communication is an essential factor in creating trust between partners in a relationship. Partners must communicate about their problems instead of sitting on them and brooding. When the time comes for communication, do it face to face. Personal verbal communication bolsters the bond between partners in a relationship.
Try to avoid communicate over emails, phone calls or texts. Instead, make it more personal and direct. When communicating, ensure that you keep eye contact with your partner as frequent eye contact during a discussion increases the bond of partners.
Do Not Hide Secrets from Each Other
Trust needs honesty and openness. If you are looking to build trust in a relationship, you must avoid to keep secrets and be open with your partner. To become a trustworthy partner, you must be honest in all your conversations and dealings with your partner.
Secrets ruin up relationships quite rapidly, so it is important, to be honest, and sincere about issues that arise together or individually. Having an open mind towards your partner assists him or her to share their deep dark secrets which are a sign that they trust you.
Defining clear boundaries set together is important to develop trust amongst partners. Setting boundaries help in explaining how much space you are comfortable with, in a relationship, physically and emotionally.
Boundaries can be about any kind of things, how much time you need to be alone, how convenient you feel about your relationship to tell other people and so on. Accepting one another’s boundaries is helpful when it comes to creating trust in the relationship.
Learn To Say No
You need to understand one thing, everything that your partner wants is what you are willing or capable to provide. You do not have to say YES every time to everything your partner wants or asks to do. If you do not like the certain thing he or she proposes to do, simply say no. You should not be enslaved to a relationship. You should not be forced to sustain what you don’t like. When a relationship is based on equality, it will be easier for both of you to march forward.
Do not cater to the vagaries of your partner just to make him or her happy, as this will ruin the relationship.
Never Make Promises You Cannot Keep
Never break your promises. Keep your words and your promises. If you have promised your partner that you are going to do something, ensure that you do it.
It makes a lot of sense that you want to keep promises you have made to your partner, but often the little things you promised get forgotten. Keeping your promises about small things is as important as keeping your promises about the big ones
When you are late, call your partner and tell what is holding you down, remember to pick up those items from the local store and remember to pay the bills on time. Yes these things appear small and it might be overlooked, but they go a very long way towards developing trust in a relationship.
Do Not Cheat On Your Partner
It is in the natural configuration of humans to get attracted to more than one person. But this does not permit you to cheat on your partner. Even if you are bored in the relationship, resolve it up or else walk out of it. But you should not cheat on your partner simply because she/ he is not fun to be with or you do not enjoy his or her company any longer. To develop trust in a relationship, make sure you tell your partner plainly that you are not happy with the way things are amongst the two of you, and need to sort it out, or else, walk out of the relationship.
Take Accountability of Your Actions
Take ownership of your behaviour, action, and inaction. Never try to pass the blame to a situation or someone else. Be true with yourself and to your partner as to why you made your decisions.
Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is experienced and certified ccounselling psychologist with specialization in the area of Personal Crisis interventions like coping-up with Relationship Issues, Marriage Counselling, Separation & Divorce, Child and Adolescent issues, Depression, Stress, Domestic and Sexual Abuse, Loss & Grief, Suicidal feelings. Counsellor Shivani is currently working with India ‘s top hospital groups like Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics.
Life of the married couples can turn up extremely hectic in cities, especially if they have school going children. Commonly today’s new academic curriculum, in most cases, puts extreme financial as well as personal pressure on couples. After a tiring day at the office and stressful driving back to home, they are expected to help kids finish their long list of homework, school projects, exam preparation and so on.
These things consume so much time of the couples that they usually forget that they have a life of their own as a couple that needs attention, rest, nourishment and refreshment.
Couples who are parents always appreciate a spontaneous date night. But in the free time between those spontaneous breaks away from your routine, arrange for a complete date night together. Date nights do not necessarily have to be expensive to be fun either. Plan for a less expensive date night that allows you both out of the house without having to think about your family budget.
2. Try a Getaway Together
Pack your bags and suitcase and get away for the night or a weekend. A romantic getaway refreshes you both and gives you some quality time outside of your daily family life. If your budget is limited, try for a one-night excursion and opt for a good local hotel. Or if you are thinking for a getaway on a weekend, then you can easily plan for nearby locales from your city or town.
3. Renew Your Wows
Looking for something to do together it’s a little bit elaborate? Renew your vows in front of family and friends or have a private ceremony in your living room. By renewing you give yourselves a great reminder of the bond you two share with each other and it is also a fun way to include your kids into your vow renewal ceremony.
4. Take Up New Hobbies Together
Find for some common ground and look for hobbies you would enjoy as a couple. There could be a simple connection between your hobbies, such as going to a nature park. He will look to spy through binoculars and you can take pictures of the birds or animals you find.
5. Look to Cook Together
People say that the couple that cooks together stays together. Well, take out the measuring cups and recipe book to spice things up in the kitchen. At least one night a month, you and your spouse must wait to eat dinner until the kids go to sleep. Then cook your meal together and enjoy a gentle quiet dinner for just the two of you. If you can get out of the house take a cooking class together to know some new recipes and cooking methods.
6. Celebrate Together
Every day should be of a celebration of your marriage and family. Celebrate those moments. Mark your calendar to celebrate your first meeting, the date of your engagement and, of course, your wedding. But also be sure to celebrate other moments of life. If your spouse gets a promotion, cook a special dish to celebrate or give him or her a gift. We often ignore these regular life moments and keep them under the rug but celebrating them as they happen is another way to celebrate you, your spouse and the life you have together as a couple.
If you think smiling is just a social courtesy, way to greet a person, and then think again. Research has found that human smile holds an unlimited potential to improve the person’s social, psychological and physical well-being. Today Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares various reasons why it’s important to smile more often as you can.
1. Smiling reduces stress.
Smiling helps in reducing body stress. According to Smithsonian, people who smile through stressful events (whether the smile is genuine or not) have fewer physiological stress reactions and reduced stress hormones, and they report less stress than those who don’t smile. So next time you’re stuck in traffic or working against a deadline, stop to smile.
2. Smiling helps your heart.
Smiling not only can relax your body, it also has the power to slow your heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and decrease your chances of a heart disease.
3. Smiling improves relationships.
According to a University of California, Berkeley study, people who smile often are more likely to have fulfilling and happy marriages and relationships than people who do not. Try smiling at your spouse every day to see if the research holds true for you.
4. A smile builds trust.
Studies have proved that a genuine smile increases the trust that the recipient of that smile feels. In fact, the bigger your smile (not a crazy smile, but a big approachable smile), the more trustworthy you appear. Building trust is an absolute must for business and individual successes, and when you give your clients a warm smile, they are likely to trust you more.
5. Smiling makes you happier
We know we smile when we’re happy usually but do you know its works in reverse too. The human brain is stimulated when facial muscles move into a smile, whether or not the smile is caused by happy emotions. Hence as per the study, people who hold a smile, regardless of their emotional state, have reported feeling happier afterwards.
A lot of relationship research across the world has identified that opposites do not always attract in the long term. People tend to find more opportunities to develop their marital relationship when they share similar interests, value system and attitudes. For example, a girl who loves to trek would possibly get better opportunity to enhance her relationship with her husband if he loves to trek as well and they can trek together. However, if there are differences in taste and/or hobbies largely, the couple then should check if they both hold the capacity to respect each other’s individual preferences and can offer each other the freedom to explore their individual interests.
2. Kindness, fidelity, and support
While selecting an ideal life partner, a person and his/her family in India put a lot of emphasis on personality, career, and earning potential and physical attractiveness. But remember more than anything else, it’s the person’s kindness, loyalty, emotional support and understanding that really defines who he/she is and that will determine if you would really be happy with this person in life.
Since all superficial traits are conditioned to time and situation, like someone who is an average earner today could reach an excellent career point in future or vice versa, or someone who looks extremely beautiful today would be overweight after child birth or vice versa.
But someone who is kind, capable and puts efforts to understand another person’s unspoken words i.e. emotions and feelings–will be like this possible for rest of his/her life. Hence look for these traits and check if it’s genuine or pretended.
3. Have to mean in life.
Appreciate and value the person who is leading a purposeful life, holds a passion, a mission or larger meaning to his/her life. This happens when a person uses his/her strengths to help something they believe in. It might be volunteering with NGO, being an active part of a spiritual process, contributing to a good cause.
Remember a person, who has a bigger mission in life and live more than its materialistic dimensions, holds much better chance to live an emotionally healthy and peaceful old age and that would certainly make them a better life partner than others.
4. Check for emotional stability
This trait is the most important harbinger of relationship success, and should ideally be at No 1. Those who lack emotional stability and are high on the trait of neuroticism, tend to be moody, touchy, anxious, and quicker to anger, all traits that can be destructive in any given relationship. Those who have low emotional intelligence or EQ, tend to be negative and are more prone to be combative with others and their partners. There is a strong link between high levels of neuroticism and divorce.
An emotionally stable person treats others well. They view other people with compassion and treat them with kindness that is a hallmark of their own emotional well-being.
An emotionally stable person is flexible. People who have emotional wellness have an ability to adapt to all kinds of situations that life throws at them. They’re able to assess a situation mindfully — they notice their surroundings, their own emotions and other’s reactions to a given situation — and then they use these factors to decide what the best course of action would be for them. Hence if a person shares a difficult period of his/her life and how they overcame time, try to identify how they coped with it, took help of others or used situational assessment, searching inner strength, overcoming fear and doubt etc.
An emotionally stable person holds gratitude in life. If a person is emotionally healthy, it’s likely he/she easily feels and shows gratitude for the people and the things in their life. Holding gratitude is a way of purposefully looking at our life with a sense of appreciation for what we have, rather than focusing on what we are lacking. And indeed, research has shown that counting our blessings has added strong benefits to our emotional well-being.
One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to be nice to your partner when you’re upset with them. It’s also one of the most important moments to be kind.The act of not choosing kindness is therefore doubly hurtful to our partners and to ourselves because it undercuts our efforts for growth and the potential for greater intimacy.
I see couples in my chamber who want to “solve” their issues first before going out for an ice cream or relaxing over dinner. It will never work. It’s not possible to solve problems with someone you don’t want to collaborate with.
I often encourage couples to do an activity together to enjoy their love – despite their insinuations! It is much easier to discuss problems with your best friend than with your enemy.
It’s easier to offer a smile and to extend an olive branch to the person who is in the struggle with us – not against us.
About the author: Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo is the consulting Counsellor at Fortis Hospital, IBS (Indian Brain & Spine) Hospital and with Express Clinics. She has served over thousands plus happy & satisfied individual and couples in India and abroad. She is one of India’s eminent Marriage Counsellor & Relationship Expert, who is frequently been featured by leading newspapers, magazines and TV channels.